Chapter 19: Each Other's Crazy

BELLA

I found Edward down by the water cleaning his shotgun.

I watched him for a few moments, not knowing how to tell him that Emmett and Rosalie had known James.

Whenever he was particularly troubled, Edward would turn inward and fall back on routines that I'd seen him do when I'd spied on him back in Forks. I knew now that his compulsion to clean and check his shotgun was because of the time that he forgot to load it and people died.

I sighed in resignation.

I was going to have to bring it all up again.

While Emmett, Rosalie, and I stared into the flames, Edward paced back and forth, tugging on his hair.

He hadn't said anything since I'd brought him back to camp, but his behavior spoke louder than any words could say.

As the silence lengthened, Rosalie looked at Edward off and on, but not in the scared defensive way she usually did.

I didn't tell them much about what happened between James and Edward, but what I did say was that a lot of people died when Edward tried to stop him.

Finally, it was Rosalie who broke the silence.

"I was with a group of six other people when we encountered James' group. At first, we thought that they were good guys. They were strong and organized and seemed to have a plan for the future.

"James talked a good talk about finding a place where we could all restart our lives and we were eating out of his hand. I was with my family- my mother and father, and four neighbours two of which were children. James and his crew took us in and fed us and gave us places to sleep. I finally felt safe.

It wasn't until about a week into our stay that things started to change…"

As we listened to Rosalie talk, Edward froze with his back to us, staring across the water.

"Even though there were other women in the group, James and Royce took a special interest in me. They always wanted me at their sides and would become almost aggressive with my father when he tried to keep me away from them. Dad saw something that I didn't and I wish every night that I'd paid attention."

Rosalie took a deep breath before continuing.

"I was flattered at first. They flirted with me, shared the best of their food with me, I felt like I was the most beautiful woman in the world. That was until the night that James wanted to take it to the next level.

"I was tired and heading back to our tent when Royce and James stopped me and dragged me into their tent." Rosalie choked back a sob as she spoke.

Emmett put his arm around her and held her tight against him.

"They hurt me in every way they could and when my parents tried to stop them, they killed them right in front of me," she said and her voice had become so quiet that we were barely able to hear her.

Edward dropped to the ground, where he clutched at his hair with great handfuls.

"They let my parents turn and tied me to them. They gave me a knife and laughed at me as I stabbed them in order to save myself.

Her final words were barely intelligible as she broke down in tears, burying her face in Emmett's neck.

I stared at her in horror, not able to comprehend what she'd gone through.

"I found her about a month later when James asked me to join his group. I was alone and needed others to survive. But when they offered Rosalie to me as a gift for joining, I knew what they were and I knew that I had to rescue her. We barely made it out alive," Emmett said, flatly.

The quiet that descended on us was full of pain and horror, all of us caught up in our own nightmares and imaginings.

The silence was interrupted by hoarse words from Edward.

"I should have killed him… I could have… All I had to do was follow him and finish him off. I'd already shot him in the leg."

I flinched away from him when suddenly with a cry of rage Edward whipped his shotgun off his shoulder and slammed it into the ground over and over again until there was nothing left but bits and pieces.

"Edward…" Emmett began, but he was beyond listening. "Edward, the only reason we got away is that James leg never healed right, so he can't move very fast any more. He lets his cronies do most of the work... When he was the one that walked into the tent as we were trying to make our getaway, he wasn't fast enough to catch us," Emmett said.

"It doesn't fucking matter! He's hurting people because I let him fucking live!" Edward yelled and then stormed off.

I stood to go after him, but Emmett grabbed my arm.

"Give him a few minutes," he said, calmly.

After about an hour I started to worry when he still wasn't back. I also noticed Emmett staring into the woods more and more often, a frown creasing his forehead.

Edward was strong, but even the strongest could get caught by the dead at night.

My heart started beating faster and I was becoming short of breath as panic started to build the longer he was away. If I lost Edward, it would be the end for me.

When the night was interrupted by the cracking of branches, I jumped to my feet and hauled out my gun. But before it breached the trees, we heard a voice.

"It's just me, guys. Don't shoot."

I let out a sigh of relief at the sound of Edward's voice and dropped the gun to my side.

Edward strode into the clearing with determination, a knife in one hand that had the black blood of the dead on the blade and something else under his left arm.

"Are you okay?" I said, taking a hold of his arm.

"I'm fine," he said, shaking me off. He didn't even look at me.

I stepped back, shocked at his reaction.

Edward didn't seem to notice as he strode towards the fire and dropped to his knees.

He grabbed the package out from under his arm and laid it on the ground.

I saw as he unfolded it that it was our map from the car.

"Emmett. Where was James camp?" Edward said, offering him a marker.

"Edward… no…" I said, but he ignored me.

"You're not going after him," Emmett said, firmly.

"You can't stop me," Edward said, harshly. "Now show me where his camp is."

"No. You're not going after him. This isn't the time. We have more important things to do right now," Emmett said, firmly.

Edward jumped to his feet and was in Emmett's face before the words had even fully left his mouth.

"You fucking coward! More important things to do besides avenge the woman you claim to love?! They raped her! They beat her! A real man wouldn't stop until they were dead," Edward snarled, shoving his chest against him.

Emmett took a step back calmly and punched Edward in the face.

Edward collapsed to his knees, his hands cupping his nose where I could see blood dripping through his fingers.

I ran to his side and dropped down next to him.

"Don't," he said pulling away from me.

Anger filled me and I shoved him.

"You asshole! What the hell is wrong with you?" I said.

"You wouldn't understand," he snapped at me. "I'm going after James and I'm finishing what I started. He needs to die! That's all that matters."

I jumped to my feet and stepped away from him.

"That's all that matters? That's all that's important? Is that what you're telling me? Killing James is more important than us?" I snapped.

Edward looked at me, gritting his teeth, but he didn't say anything. He just shook his head.

We glared at each other, neither one breaking eye contact until Emmett spoke.

"Edward, you're acting like a child. James needs to pay, but do you really think that running off a few weeks before the snow starts is the right move?"

"I can get there and back before the snow really starts to come down. If his camp is near where it used to be, it's not all that far," Edward said, but the boiling anger in his eyes had died down slightly.

"You know just as well as I do that James would have moved his camp after Rosalie and I escaped. So, get your head out of your ass and stop thinking about your bruised ego."

Edward didn't say anything for a few minutes; he just stared down at the map.

"You have to tell me," he said, slamming his hand down on the map. "I need to kill him."

I was so angry at him that I felt physically sick.

I walked out of the circle of light cast by the fire, needing some distance. I faced the water, so that I didn't have to look at him.

"It's not your fault, Edward," Rosalie said quietly.

"I had the chance to take him out, but I didn't follow through. If I had taken care of him, you would never have been hurt," Edward said, so low that it was hard to hear.

"If only I'd loaded my shotgun, none of this would have happened," he continued

"It's not your fault," Rosalie said, her voice more firm.

"I let him go," Edward responded.

"Were you there when they violated me?" Rosalie said fiercely, which caused me to turn back to the fire in shock.

She glared at Edward as she continued. "Did you hold me down?"

Edward stared at her for a moment before shaking his head.

"James and Royce were the ones that hurt me, no one else. I'm sorry that I've taken it out on you. You're not a bad guy, Edward. I know that now. You just got trapped in a horrible situation and did the best you could to survive. Just like I did."

There was a brief moment of silence before Edward suddenly burst into motion, jumping to his feet and running into the night.

Without a word, I walked back to my RV and crawled into bed.

I didn't want to get up the next morning, but I knew that there was a lot to do before the first snow.

Edward didn't come back to the RV the night before and frankly I didn't care. He was an asshole.

So, I dragged myself out of bed and joined Emmett and Rosalie by the fire.

"Edward was here earlier. He said that he'd be back later," Rosalie said.

"Did I ask?" I snapped.

"Bella, Edward didn't really mean it. He's just angry," Emmett tried to say.

"I know what he said, and he meant every word," I responded as I wrapped a potato in tinfoil and put it in the fire.

Neither one of them said anything after that as we finished up breakfast.

For the next few days as we worked on the farmhouse, Edward came back after we'd gone to bed and left before daylight. However, we barely saw him, and I didn't speak to him even when we did cross paths. It was clear that he'd been to the house because the cellar was filling up with vegetables and even some canned goods that materialized overnight.

On the fourth day, I stopped Emmett before heading out to the farm.

"Emmett, we really need to get the stuff from our car on the highway. The longer it sits there, the more chance there is that somebody will find it, or the area will be so overrun we can't get to it. I think you and I should go for it," I said.

"We should wait for Edward," Emmett said, but he looked uncertain. Winter was getting closer and we needed all the supplies we could.

"We don't need to wait. Edward has his own agenda that doesn't include us," I said.

"Bella-" Emmett began, but I interrupted him.

"Edward can't even drive. We need to move our supplies to another vehicle. There are plenty of cars on the highway that we can take, so all we have to do is move our stuff from one car to the other and then drive it to the farmhouse. Edward and I have gone to the car lots of times and made it back. We can cover each other as we move the supplies," I explained.

Emmett looked at me seriously for a few moments and then nodded in agreement.

Rosalie promised to lock herself in the RV and not come out until we got back. We left her with lots of supplies and a shotgun that she promised to use if she was in danger.

Rosalie had been different the last few days. It was like telling us about what happened with James had awoken some part of her, a stronger part.

When we reached the highway and started checking cars for gas, the sense of urgency was almost immediate. I felt naked and exposed without a vehicle. Usually, Edward and I got in and out as fast as possible. Now, we were out on the highway without cover going from car to car, too long to be out in the open.

Finally, we found a truck that had a little gas left.

I was nervous because turning the truck on would make noise, but we had to do it in order to get close to the car with supplies. Then, it would take us time to load the truck. It was a gamble, but it was a risk that we had to take.

So, grimly we started the truck and drove on the shoulder of the road until we reached the car.

Turning the truck off, Emmett took a deep breath and then looked at me.

"You, ready? I'll cover you while you start unloading and then we'll switch," he said.

I nodded and together we threw open the doors of the truck and rushed to the car.

Opening the back, I tried as quickly as possible to carry the food to the flatbed of the truck. Edward and I had packed boxes tight, so a lot of them were heavy.

After a short time, Emmett motioned for us to switch. Being stronger than me, he'd be able to move a lot more quickly.

Climbing into the back of the truck, I raised my shotgun to my shoulder and used the scope to scan the area for the dead.

It wasn't long before I saw them as I knew I would.

They came out of the woods slowly. Men and women, old and young, they were from all walks of life, each one stumbling, crawling, dragging themselves towards the highway, searching for the source of the sound that attracted them. I held my breath and looked back at Emmett, not saying anything. We needed to get the supplies and I knew that Emmett would stop if he knew the dead were approaching. He was close to being done, so I held off telling him.

Soon, they were too close to put it off any longer.

"Emmett, you need to hurry," I hissed, trying not to let my voice carry.

"What?" he said, too loudly.

His head snapped up and he stared around us.

"Jesus!" he gasped, his eyes wild.

"Bella, they're too close!" he hissed. "We gotta go."

I jumped down from the truck and looked for a way off the highway.

I realized quickly the mistake I'd made. I'd waited too long and our escape was cut off.

One side of the highway, the side that wasn't swarming with the dead was a swamp. The muddy ground told me that it would slow us down too much. The dead would be on us before we got too far.

"Fuck, Bella. We have no cover," he gasped.

He motioned for me to follow him as he ran quietly down the highway, not veering off into the woods, but weaving through the stalled and abandoned vehicles.

We dodged the dead that stumbled alone along the road, not having joined the herd yet. We didn't have time to stop and take care of them.

Things didn't get better the farther we ran. I'd never realized before that the highway cut across a swamp that only got denser and wetter the further we went. With the dead behind us, we were in deep trouble.

Desperately, I searched for a place to hide.

On the side of the road, I saw a loading van for a local restaurant. It was the only vehicle big enough that we could take cover and thankfully it didn't have any windows in the back. Even its windshield was covered by a sunshade, which made me think it had been the hiding place for other survivors.

I ran to the back door and prayed that it was open. No such luck. However, I was beyond relieved when the driver's door opened smoothly. I took a quick look inside for any dead that may be trapped and then called for Emmett.

"Emmett," I hissed, which caused him to whip his head towards me.

I gestured for him to join me as a climbed into the van.

Grimly, he dashed to the vehicle and climbed into the van after me.

Both of us crawled into the back which thankfully had the seats folded down and wasn't completely full of luggage, giving us room to lay flat.

I grabbed a blanket that was draped over the passenger's seat headrest and pulled it over the two of us.

In silence, we moved as little as possible, even trying to control our breathing so that the blanket didn't heave with our gasping breaths.

It was less than a minute later that the dead reached us. They're pressing bodies rocked the vehicle and the moaning as they surrounded us was deafening. Luckily the van only had windows in the front, but I was worried that the windshield would break if they crawled onto the hood

Emmett's hand took mine and squeezed hard as we waited for them to either break in or forget about us.

It took a night and almost a full day before the dead's focus was attracted away from the van.

During that whole time, Emmett and I lay still. Our only movement was to squeeze each other's hand at an extra loud thump or when the van rocked violently.

Time moved slowly as we lay there wide awake, neither of us able to sleep.

My life didn't flash before my eyes as I waited for the end, rather it meandered slowly through my memories of life before and after the dead began to walk.

Before the world went to shit, I'd been content in my life. I hadn't been overly happy, but I had nothing to complain about.

I'd never liked being shuttled back and forth between Rene and Charlie, but I never doubted that I was loved by both. I hadn't had very many friends at school, but I had Jacob and his friends on the rez.

I'd liked my books and music, but I'd had no idea what I was going to do with my future. I'd always felt like I had time to decide.

Then, the world fell apart and I was alone.

And I'd gone a little crazy until Edward found me.

He'd dealt with my crazy even at its worst when I faced Charlie. He held me together and gave Charlie mercy when I wasn't able to handle it.

I loved Edward and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that he loved me too.

Edward had his own trauma, his own crazy. He'd helped me with mine, but I'd never helped him with his. We'd joined Emmett and Rosalie so soon after him telling me.

Could I really blame him when he went over the edge knowing that James had hurt others?

I had to stop acting like a silly teenage girl who would fight and then make up with her boyfriend over and over again. That world was gone. We didn't have the luxury of having little spats. Every day could be our last, just like today.

When the dead finally wandered away, I was desperate to get back to camp.

I could feel the desperation in Emmett too, but he insisted that we finish unloading the car and driving the truck back.

As we weaved through traffic, neither of us spoke.

I wouldn't blame Emmett if he hated me. I'd been stupid to wait before telling him about the herd and it had almost gotten us killed.

"I'm sorry-" I began, but cut off when I saw the shapes of two people in the middle of the road ahead.

They weren't stumbling blindly or wobbling on unsteady legs. They were just standing there, like they were waiting for us.

As we got closer, my breath caught in my lungs.

"It's them, Emmett."

I wanted to cry with relief as the familiar shape of Edward got closer and closer along with Rosalie.

"Oh god," Emmett choked out and barely threw the truck in park before jumping out of the cab and dashing to Rosalie.

I climbed more carefully out of the cab and stared at Edward as he approached me with an unreadable expression on his face.

When we were arms-length away from each other, we both began to speak at the same time.

"I'm sorry-" we said, almost in unison.

A weak laugh came from both of us a second before we launched ourselves into each other's arms.

"You're okay, you're okay…" He chanted those two words over and over as he held me to him.

"I'm okay," I murmured.

"I thought I'd never see you again," I said into his shoulder and gripped him harder.

"I thought I'd lost you," he said, his voice choked.

Cupping my face in his hands, he kissed me hard, throwing all his fear and frustration into it. When we needed to breathe, he kept his forehead pressed to mine and his arms around me, soaking up the comfort we both needed.

"Come on, love birds. We have to get back to camp before dark," Emmett said from behind us.

Breaking apart, I took his hand and tugged him towards the truck where we climbed into the flatbed and sat down, nestling in amongst our food stores.