DDLC Broken Skies: Through Natsukis Eyes

by Westee

My original story "DDLC Broken Skies" retold through Natsuki's perspective. It contains an unusual plot twist; one that I would call weird. See how Natsuki first befriends Kishi (the MC), then falls in love with him but is forced to wait until he develops feelings for her, all the while trying to deal with a grieving father whose behavior becomes very erratic.

DDLC Broken Skies: Through Natsuki's Eyes

Foreword

Hopefully the reader has read the visual novel Doki Doki Literature Club and the mod titled Doki Doki Blue Skies. That will greatly enhance your understanding of this story, as it "piggy-backs" off of Blue Skies with some exceptions. First, the main character is presumed to have not entered into any romantic relationships with any of the four girls. He does, however, have knowledge of their individual problems, as you will see in the prologue. Next, I have included a couple of new names which I found on a website trying to tie in the meaning of the name with the character I applied it to . That begins with the main character, whom I named Kishi, which can mean "hardness". Finally, this project was originally started as a possible mod. I quickly learned that there was more to making a mod than I had thought. So, I have fast-forwarded through a part of the story which was originally intended to be a section with several poem mini-game with points awarded leading to a surprise ending. I hope that it is enjoyable to those who choose to read it.

Prologue

Chapter One: A New Year Begins

Chapter Two: Growing Closer

Chapter Three: Confusion Clarified

Chapter Four: Pressure Building

Chapter Five: Time Flies

Chapter Six: Is This Love?

Chapter Seven: The Breakdown

Chapter Eight: Recovery and a New Normal

Chapter Nine: Valentine's Day

Chapter Ten: Futures Revealed

Prologue

The new school year is nearing, and I am looking forward to it for a change. Last year, I joined the Literature Club and it turned out to be a great thing. Well, it wasn't all great. Sometimes the other members got on my nerves, but we managed to get through it all, and we became closer friends.

It was also a year of personal growth for most of us. Sayori shocked us all with the revelation of her depression. With encouragement from us, she decided to try going to therapy again, even though she was very doubtful that it would help. Sometimes, one of us from the club would go with her for moral support if she was feeling hesitant about going. We also try to keep an eye out, or rather, an ear out, for negative thinking on her part. Sure, she is not always smiling and happy-go-lucky anymore, but that is normal for anyone? We do our best to support her.

Part way through the year, Sayori talked her friend, Kishi, into joining the club. Actually, she bribed him to come to a meeting by telling him there would be cupcakes. I should have known the day before. She practically begged me to make some, even though it wasn't a special occasion. She can be really…crafty…when she wants to get something done. Anyhow, the plan almost backfired when Kishi told us that he hadn't made up his mind to join and that he was going to check out some other clubs. For some reason, he decided to stay and join us. I would bet that it was just because there were 4 girls in the club and he would be the only guy.

Yuri surprised us, but it happened by accident. One day, as she was getting out of her desk seat, her sleeve got caught and slid up her arm revealing a trail of scars! Our mouths were all hanging open as she hurriedly slid her sleeve back down. She was very embarrassed and flustered as she tried to explain. However, she realized that it was no use trying to make up a story. She shared with us the things that were going on in her life and how things had gotten to that point. Needless to say, we all tried a bit harder to build friendships with her. She no longer feels like a weirdo or an outsider around us, which is good.

Monika, on the other hand, is still somewhat reserved around us. We have picked up on little hints that imply that the pressure that her parents are putting on her might be getting to her. None of us can comprehend how she manages to juggle all of her studies and extracurricular activities. We haven't always seen eye to eye, especially since she has a habit of moving my manga collection in the closet and messing up the order of the books.

For me, personally, it was a year of ups and downs. Just before the start of the year, my mother passed away. It was hard to deal with and it was hard for my father and I to adjust. Without her as my buffer, it became harder to enjoy my manga collection. In fact, that was part of the reason that I decided to join the Literature Club. It gave me a place to keep my manga collection safe from my father's hatred of it. Kishi at least understands me. He also reads manga, and we have read together sometimes during meetings.

And that brings me to the present, the start of my second year of high school. With the others being in their final year, I have to wonder if the club will even be around next year. If we don't get some new members this year, it won't survive. I guess I can take it or leave it. It won't be the same without my friends and I don't see myself being the club leader. I guess time will tell.

Chapter One: A New Year Begins

The morning session of the first day went by rather quickly. I headed down the hall towards the club room where we eat lunch together. We were already sitting and chatting amongst ourselves. Then, I looked through the window in the classroom door and see Kishi just staring at us and smiling. So I wave him in.

"Why didn't you bring your camera? You could have had a picture to last a lifetime", I say to him in a snarky tone.

"Can't a guy enjoy seeing his friends having a good time?" he replies.

"It seemed a bit more like stalking to me" I respond.

Our lunch breaks always seem to fly by when we are all together, and this one was no exception. We parted ways after Monika set the date for the first club meeting. "One week from today," she finalized, "which should give us time to get settled into our school year."

Meeting day has finally arrived. Getting through the day was rough due to the anticipation. Once again, Kishi is last one in. Monika looks up at him as he enters and then clears her throat.

"We can get started now that the turtle has arrived!" she teases.

"Hey!" he protests, "We got let out a bit late. It wasn't my fault!"

"Sure!" she replies, laughing. "I don't have a lot to share, but it's all important so let's get to it. First up is the membership. While I love the group that we have become, we should also think about the legacy that we leave behind. We can't leave Natsuki by herself next year!"

"At least I wouldn't have to worry about my manga collection getting moved around and put out of order!" I say, half jokingly.

Monika ignores me and proceeds.

"I would like for all of us to come up with ideas to advertise our club. Also, think about people in your classes who might be interested but need a little nudge or an invitation. Even if each of us only come up with one person, it would greatly increase our numbers."

"But that wont' help Natsuki though. All of our classes are year 3 students, so they wouldn't be here next year either." Kishi says.

"Ah!", Monika says softly, "I didn't think of it like that. Well, I guess just focus on the advertising then."

We all promise to do that.

"The other thing that I want to discuss is our club activities. Last year, we did the poem writing, which turned out to be a blessing as it allowed us to learn so much about each other and grow closer despite our differences in style. We also did the book talks. What are your thoughts about those things, or maybe someone has a different idea for an activity."

Sayori speaks up first. "I really, really liked doing the poems. I love everyone's styles and the way we get to discuss them."

The rest of us nod in agreement.

Yuri adds, "I thought the book discussions went well. No one seemed left out, even though the book might not have appealed to their taste."

Then Kishi speaks up. "While I agree that those were very productive activities, there is another thing that we need to consider. Those of us who are in their last year need to pay more attention to their class work this year. Well, Monika, I don't think you could possibly do that, and Yuri doesn't have much to worry about with her grades. But Sayori and I could definitely stand to spend more time studying." She looks at me with a frown and a nod. "Could we just back the schedule off a bit, maybe doing one poem a week? And have the presentations on Mondays? That would give us the weekend time if we need it, and would also give us something to look forward to on Mondays."

Monika lets out a sigh. "I suppose you do make a good point. This year will be tougher academically and the pressure is starting to build."

Yuri speaks up next. "How thoughtless of me to not consider your situations. I'm so sorry for…"

"Stop Yuri! You didn't do anything wrong. It's just that you are able to learn things easier than we can. We all have different strengths and talents. It comes more naturally to you and there is nothing wrong with that."

She turns a bit red and looks down. "Well, not every subject comes naturally to me. I could certainly do better in math but it's just difficult for me." she says dejectedly. "I just don't seem to be able to fully grasp the concepts."

"Wow, I can really relate to that. I am struggling with math also." Kishi tells her.

"Maybe we could…" She stops suddenly.

"You were going to suggest studying together?" he asks.

"I didn't mean to be so forward."

"Come on Yuri, we're friends aren't we? I don't know that I would be much help, but we can give it a try, can't we?"

"If it wouldn't be to much trouble."

"That's more like it. We'll try to set something up next week once we get into the lessons a bit further."

Monika now takes over the meeting again. "Well, we have a proposal that has been suggested. How does everyone feel about doing the poems once a week?"

I speak up first. "Well, it really doesn't matter much to me as I am not in the same situation as you all."

"Sorry Natsuki…I guess we tend to forget that sometimes." Monika says. "Don't be afraid to let us know if we get too focused on our third-year problems. We don't want to leave you out of conversations."

It's not a huge deal, I think to myself. What would I have to look forward to? A bunch of new kids that I might not even like? I can live without that.

Sayori speaks up next. "As much as I love reading your poems, I guess we do have to face up to our work. Not that it was good for me to just get by before, but if I want to get a better job I should work on bringing up my grades."

"Didn't your grades start to improve last year after you started therapy though?" Kishi asks. "I thought that you were pleasantly surprised with you final exams last year."

"Yes, they did. It really helps when you show up to class more often and can actually stay awake and concentrate." she says with a weak smile.

"Hey, that's major props to you for doing what you needed to get better." he replies. "I am very proud of the progress that you have made!" The other girls nod in agreement which causes her to blush.

"Well, you all played a big part in helping me and I am very thankful. I'm not sure that I deserve…"

Kishi cuts her off with a stern look.

"Sorry…those thoughts haven't totally gone away yet."

"We're all here for you Sayori," Yuri says softly, "and we'll try our best to keep you on track. I believe that you will overcome this!"

"Thanks Yuri. That means a lot to me. I don't know what I'd do without your help."

And now there is a dark cloud hanging over the room. It's as if each of us immediately fast-forwarded to the end of the year when we will likely be going in very different directions.

"Okay," Monika finally says, "Let's just go with weekly poems for now and see how it goes. The first one will be due next week. Maybe we can add an occasional book event during the breaks." We all nod our heads in agreement. "If no one has anything else to discuss, I guess we can go ahead and adjourn for today. Feel free to stay and read or study if you want to. I will stay for a little while."

Chapter Two: Growing Closer

My eyes open to bright sunlight. It's Saturday, so I don't have a lot to do today…just some house cleaning. I try to keep the place tidy since mom passed away. My father has not been able to deal with it very well. Who am I kidding? I'm not either, but I guess I'm just not as revealing of my emotions…at least not with regard to this. Plus, if I do the chores around the house, it keeps the tension level a bit lower. Last year, things got a little heated one time and I ended up with a black eye. I don't want to go through that again!

After my tasks are done, I start to think about what I want to do with the rest of my day. Then, my father comes in and asks if my homework is done.

"Not yet. I don't have much to do, so it can wait until later." I reply.

"Natsuki, you are not trying hard enough! You need to take your studies more seriously. How are you going to get a good job with the grades you have been getting? I suppose you are probably wasting your time on those comic books again!"

"No father! You can search the house!" No need to tell him about my collection at school, I think to myself.

"You better believe that I will! If I find any, I will take them out and burn them. I forbid you to bring that garbage into this house!"

"I don't understand what is wrong with it? Why would having regular books with the same kind of story in them be any better?"

"You have heard my words. Do not be a disobedient daughter!"

"You will never understand!"

"Do not talk back to me! I am your father and I have spoken!"

With that, I run into my room and slam the door. He makes me so angry. Why is this such a big deal to him? I'm not hurting anyone by reading it and I pay for them with my own money. I yell into my pillow.

Fortunately, he has to go into work soon. So I make some plans. I just need to get out of here for a bit. I send a text to Kishi.

Hey! Whatcha doin'?

"Just heading for home. What's up?"

Can I come over? It's kind of important.

"Sure. I should be back there in 15 to 20 minutes."

Okay, see you soon

After my father leaves, I head over to Kishi's place. He opens the door and lets me in.

"I'll have to apologize for the place being a mess. I've unexpectedly been away all day and haven't had a chance to do any cleaning." he says.

"This is different from any other day how?" I ask.

"Ouch! Not even here 5 minutes and already starting in on me?"

"You love it!"

"I guess I would think something was wrong if you didn't though, so it's all good. However, you did say that it was important. So what's going on?" he asks as we sit on the couch.

"Just a rough day I guess. I needed to get out of the house for a bit."

The look on his face is not a good one. It is a look of anger. I know immediately what he is thinking.

"No, no…nothing like that." I quickly say. "We just had a disagreement and things started to get a little heated."

"You still can't help yourself, can you?" he says.

"I'm just an emotional girl and I guess I'm best at anger."

"That's really not the emotion to be best at. We both know what has happened in the past."

"Yeah but things are different now. He's working and we are better off financially."

"Then what was the disagreement about?" he asks.

"He doesn't think I'm taking my studies seriously enough. Then he started in about manga again and flipped out! That's why I have to keep it at school. If it were in my room, he would take it all and throw it out. He just doesn't understand…"

A tear starts to form in my eye. Kishi puts a hand on my shoulder and tries to smile.

"That's why I wanted to come over. I know that you understand what it means to me. Plus, I think my dad is afraid of you."

"What?! Why would you say that? I've never done anything to him!"

"No, you haven't. But, remember that time last year when we were out shopping for the gift exchange? He started to get on my case and you told him that I wasn't doing anything wrong. I think he saw some fire in your eyes that day. Plus, look how you reacted today when you thought that something bad had happened."

"Well, there is no way I am going to stand by and let anything like that happen to you again. It's just not right. I still don't fully understand why you didn't go to the police."

"It's all working out. We had a little setback today. I'm just taking a little time to cool off."

"But that argument isn't going away if he doesn't think that you've changed. And obviously, you're not going to change."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Am I wrong?"

"Well…no, I guess not." My eyes are fixed on the floor. "So what can I do?"

"In my opinion, you both need to go work with a counselor, like you did before when he…"

He stops for a moment, and then continues.

"I don't think you will be able to work this out between the two of you. Your views are too far apart and neither of you is likely to compromise without some outside help."

"I don't suppose I could just have you talk to him, could I?" I ask him, half jokingly.

"I'm not qualified to work as a counselor. Besides, I would not be able to stay neutral."

"I know! That's why I want you to do it. You're on my side!"

We both start laughing.

"That's not quite how the process is supposed to work Nat. So how about you ask him if he would be willing to go to a family counselor."

"I suppose that would be best."

We walk to the door.

"Thanks for letting me come over. I knew I could count on you. You have a way of calming me down and helping me to see things more clearly. I'm so glad that you're my friend!"

And with that I give him a quick hug and head out the door. If nothing else, I feel better just having talked with him. He understands me better than anyone else I know.

Sunday morning breaks and I get busy. I go into the kitchen and get breakfast ready. I tried a new recipe this morning for scrambled eggs. I hope they taste as good as they look. Father comes in and takes his seat at the table. I slide some eggs onto a plate alongside some toast and sausage and place it in front of him. I also get him a cup of hot coffee. He doesn't smile, but does offer his thanks. We are mostly silent as we eat. I finally decide to bring up the subject of counseling again, but not with much hope.

"Father, can we go back to counseling please?"

"Why? There is nothing wrong in this house as long as you are obedient."

"But you never listen to me! I would just like someone impartial to try to help us come to an agreement. I don't want to keep arguing about the same things over and over."

I start to get tears in my eyes. He looks over at me. Wait! Was there some sadness in that look?

"I will go back if you will promise to abide by their decision. Then, that will be the end of it and I won't have to deal with it anymore. I have no doubt that they will find that I am right in what I ask of you."

Well, at least there is some hope there.

After completing my homework and my poem, I decide to let Kishi know

Thanks for letting me come over. Talked with dad and he agreed to get help for the disagreement that we're having.

"That's great Nat! I hope it helps."

Chapter Four: Pressure Building

Meeting time is mostly quiet except for Mondays, when we share our poems. It's okay with me. I can get a little studying done and then spend the rest of the time reading manga. I wish Kishi didn't have to study so much. I like it when we get to read together.

As I head towards the meeting room, I see Kishi standing outside.

"Going to wait outside and gawk at us again?" I ask him.

"I have some business to take care of. I'll be there in a bit" he says with a serious tone.

Hmm, I think to myself, another talk with Yuri I'll bet. You don't think that they are…a couple? Nah. But he is reading a lot of books with her. I try not to think about it. Still, I wish we could read together. Maybe I just need to be the one to ask.

Well, it's finally Saturday and my chores are done. Father has left for work and I have finally worked up the courage to text Kishi. The worst that can happen is that he says no, right?

What's up?

"Nothing much…just trying to figure out what to do today."

How about I help you with that? Feel like watching some anime?

"I could be persuaded."

Okay to head over now?

"Sure. Want me to fix lunch for us?"

I'm not sure that I trust your cooking yet. How about we cook something together? I can bring a couple of ingredients with me.

"I won't argue with you, especially since I wouldn't be able to win anyhow."

I'm glad you've finally realized that. :)

I was at his door in about 20 minutes.

"Enter at your own risk!"

"Why? Are you being quarantined?"

"Are you ever at a loss for words Natsuki?"

"Very rarely."

"You can take the bag into the kitchen. What did you have in mind today?"

"I thought we could make a miso soup. Do you have any ingredients to add in?"

He starts searching through the fridge and finds some daikon and mushrooms.

"Those should work well." I say as I start preparing things. "Would you start chopping things up for me?"

I get into my cooking rhythm, humming as I work. Then, I notice Kishi staring at me with a grin on his face.

"Your going to cut yourself if you don't watch what you're…"

Right on cue, I see his face turn pale.

"Aw…sunny beaches!"

I can only stare at him, despite the situation.

"What did you say?" I manage to spit out as I giggle at his 'swearing'."

"Stop laughing at me and go up to the bathroom and get me a bandage please!"

I continue laughing all the way up the stairs. And then, all the way back down the stairs.

I get him patched up and can't resist the urge to tease him for his comment. "You really are a momma's boy, aren't you?"

I don't have a problem finishing up the work. It turned out really well. As we eat, I notice a far away look in Kishi's eyes.

"Hello? Earth to Kishi!"

"Oh, sorry Nat. I was just thinking how you could run a café or something like that. You're really talented."

"I know that!" I reply quickly, but then add, "Thanks for the vote of confidence."

We do a quick clean-up and then we head into the living room.

As we sit down on the couch, he starts the conversation by asking me a question.

"So how are things between you and your dad?"

"Umm…okay I guess. The counseling has helped a little but we're still not in agreement. At least we aren't arguing about it all the time."

"I would consider that a small victory. The less arguing, the less chance that things will blow up, right?"

"That's true I guess. We still need to come to some kind of compromise though."

"Well, hopefully the counselor will help you get there," I say, "Sorry to bring it up but you know that I am concerned for you."

"I know, and I appreciate it. Now, let's get to the shows."

We spend a few hours watching some old anime episodes. Both of us had seen them before, but we had a good time going through them again, catching things that we had forgotten over time. I notice that it's getting late.

"I need to get going. Dad won't be too happy if I'm not there when he gets home."

"All right. Thanks for coming over and sorry that you had to do most of the work."

"Maybe I need to stay and keep you from trying to cook tonight."

"Hey, that's the first time!" he protests.

"Yeah, yeah, save it for the jury!"

We get to the door.

"Okay, I'll see you on Monday then." he says.

"Right, and umm…"

There is a long pause.

"I'm not very good at this type of thing but, thanks for caring. It helps to know that you're here if I need you."

"You don't have to thank me. You're my friend and I will always try to be there if you need me."

With that, I head out the door. I walk home on cloud nine. What an enjoyable day!

Things went okay for the rest of the first term. My marks on the exams were good enough…at least for me. My father was not satisfied though. We had stopped going to see the counselor because she seemed to be siding with me. He said that she was a terrible counselor. I guess we only had to abide by her decision if it favored his way of looking at things. Still, I manage to stay out of trouble for the most part.

Chapter Five: Time Flies

The second term flew by and exams are past us. We decided to have a secret gift exchange again this year, as well as a pot luck. Kishi offered to host it again as well, volunteering to make miso soup. I said that I would make sukiyaki, which meant that I would have to stop over early so it would be hot for serving. Yuri opted for takoyaki, after getting assurances that everyone liked octopus, and Monika offered to bring sashimi. That left dessert for Sayori and she thought that she could make uiro, adding that she would try making a few different flavors including one with green tea just for Yuri. We also agreed that this year, we would all shop separately so that everyone would be surprised at the gifts. I had drawn Sayori's name and knew just what I wanted to get her.

The day of the gathering has arrived. I pack up the ingredients that I need and head over to Kishi's house. I knock and then stand there holding my heavy sacks. When he finally opens the door and lets me in, I stood their with an annoyed look.

"You couldn't clean up the place last night?" I say teasingly.

"Do you have to make it a tradition to insult me every time you enter my house?" he asks.

"You make it too hard to resist!" I answer quickly, and we both smile.

I take the bags into the kitchen and start pulling out the utensils that I need.

"Any chance that I could get you to help me chop some things?" I ask.

"After what happened last time, are you serious?" We laugh again. "I'm kidding. Of course I will help. I will try to pay a little more attention to what I'm doing this time instead of watching your kitchen ballet."

I smile. "I can't help it! I just get into a rhythm when I'm cooking. It's natural."

"I know it is, and it fascinates me. It is a joy to behold!"

He starts chopping vegetables for me, but he is very quiet. I wonder if something else is on his mind.

The next to arrive is Yuri. Kishi gets out some bowls for her and the electric takoyaki cooker. He gets volunteered to help her chop some ingredients as well.

Monika and Sayori were the last to arrive. The kitchen is buzzing with activity. He asks the latecomers if they can take over helping in the kitchen and then he goes upstairs. He was gone for quite a while, and I couldn't help myself again. When he finally makes it back downstairs, I have to ask.

"What's the matter? Stopped up?"

Yuri immediately turns red and Sayori and Monika both gasp!

"What? He was gone a long time!"

He just groans and tries to change the subject.

"How are we doing. Is everything coming together?" he asks.

"We couldn't have planned it much better." I reply. "Things are all getting done at the same time!"

"Great!" he says, "I will get the plates and chopsticks ready. Does everyone have something to drink?"

We get it all sorted out and sit down to our feast. It all looks fabulous. By the time everyone had their fill, we realize that we had almost forgotten about dessert!

We then head into the living room for the gift exchange. We decide to go in order of entry into the club, which means that Monika is going first. She hands her present to Yuri, whose amethyst eyes lit up after she tears away the paper.

"Oh Monika! This is wonderful! How thoughtful of you!"

The rest of us, almost in unison, say, "What is it?"

"It's a set of items to use for a relaxing bath. There are bath beads, bubble bath, and candles. Thank you so much!"

"I'm glad that you like it Yuri." Monika replies, "I had a hunch that you liked to take relaxing baths."

"Oh, yes I do. You can create such a wonderful atmosphere, especially with the candles and some music playing softly and…" she stops. "I'm getting carried away again, aren't I? Sometimes I just don't think…"

Kishi interrupts her. "Yuri, you're fine. I think it's great that you're so excited about the gift."

She blushes.

"Okay," Monika says, "Sayori is next."

She takes her bag and hands it to Monika who opens it and peeks inside. Her eyes get bigger.

"Oh wow!" she exclaims, "It's sheet music for the piano! How thoughtful"

"Not just any sheet music," Sayori says with a proud look on her face, "It's relaxing sheet music in a smooth jazz style. I've heard you say how playing helps you to relax, and I thought this would help you practice new songs while relaxing at the same time."

"That's so nice of you." Monika replied, "You're right…it does help me relax and I can't wait to try these out! Thank you so much!"

Yuri was next in line. She approached Kishi, but didn't make eye contact with him. Will she ever get over her shyness? At this point, it's kind of annoying. We are all friends after all.

"I hope that you like it." she says softly.

He opens the bag, but looks a bit confused.

"You don't like it, do you?" she says glumly. "I should have know better."

'Yuri, please don't say that. Of course I like it. You gave me books to read and tea to enjoy while reading. This will remind me of you each time I pick one of them up."

"But you didn't look very excited."

"Well, I don't think you can blame me for that. I'm used to getting books of a different nature from you. These seem to be more…"

"Yes, they are action novels. I have read each of them before and they are quite good. I wanted you to see that I don't just read horror novels."

"That was very nice of you. If you recommend them, I am sure they will be good. You haven't steered me wrong yet! Thank you"

She blushes and drops her head. Wait! Yuri reads something besides horror novels? Who would have guessed?

Now it's my turn. I walk over to Sayori and give her the gift box. Sayori opens it and gasps.

"Oh, thank you Nat! I have wanted to get new bows for a long time but I could never get myself to buy them. Part of me thinks that it would be like getting a lot of hair cut off…just too extreme to try. But now I have to try them all out."

"Well, I know that you always have your red bow but I think you should try some different colors. You can color coordinate your outfits…well…not at school, but on the weekends at least. I got you one of each of the colors of the rainbow, except for red…and those other two colors that no one remembers."

I figured I had better add that last part before someone corrected me.

"Thank you very much Natsuki!"

Now it is Kishi's turn. He takes a deep breath and heads towards me. I am so excited to see what he got for me.

But my excitement is turned to confusion in an instant.

"But…you know that I already have this copy of Parfait Girls. We read it together." I say sadly.

"Ah, but you don't have this one," he says, "Take a closer look at it. In fact, open it up and look inside the cover."

As I open the cover, I see writing inside. I cannot believe what my eyes are seeing!

"Are you serious? How did you…"

"Go ahead and read what it says." he tells me as the other girls look on questioningly.

Natsuki,

I hear that you are a huge fan of my Parfait Girls series. That makes me very happy. I hope that you are excited for the next installment, which is coming out in a few weeks. I will send you an advance copy, so you will get to see it before most other people. Thanks for reading!

The other girls all smile with understanding. I am unable to say anything.

"I finally get to see you speechless!" he says triumphantly.

I still can't speak, but I run over and give him the biggest hug I can give.

"Hey! Easy there! I still have to breathe!"

"Sorry. I'm just so…" I hug him again and says thanks.

"I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you like your gift."

"Duh" I reply sarcastically.

We spend the rest of the night playing one of those picture-drawing games. Eventually, we decide to call it a night. We girls gather up our things and start heading towards the door.

"Hey! You certainly aren't going to leave all this extra food with me are you?" Kishi asks us. For as much as we ate, there is still a lot left.

Yuri says, "I really don't want to carry any more than I have, if that's okay with you. I love my bath set, but it is a bit heavy."

"Oh, I didn't think about that Yuri. Sorry." Monika says.

"It's okay. I am thinking about using some of it tonight. That will give me strength!' she smiles.

Monika turns to Kishi and says, "I really don't need to take anything. We always have plenty at home. Besides, you're playing bachelor at the moment and everyone knows that bachelors can't cook."

We all smile as he protests, "Umm…excuse me! I did make the soup tonight, did I not?"

"Yes, you did, and it was good. I couldn't resist the urge to tease you a little." Monika replies.

He looks at me with a questioning face. I know that he thinks we don't have enough to eat, but we are doing okay. It just takes some smart shopping. So I try to ease his mind.

"Hey, you have Sayori living next door. I don't think anything will go to waste."

"Well, you do have a point there." he says as it's Sayori's turn to pout.

We all give him a hug and thank him for hosting again. I turn as I head out the door and tell him thanks once again. I love this guy. Wait! What?! Gee, I am glad I wasn't thinking out loud! Get a hold of yourself Natsuki!

Chapter Six: Is This Love?

It was a little hard getting back into the swing of school again after the break. We all got our exam results the first week back. Most of us were fairly happy with the results. Yuri, however, seems very upset after getting hers. She refuses to talk about it to us though.

I take advantage of my freedom on Saturday afternoon and text Kishi.

Hey…busy for lunch?

"Nothing planned."

I thought we could make some Bento boxes. You need more cooking practice and I am happy to be your teacher.

"Okay. Need me to pick up anything?"

Sure. Let's see if you can figure out what to get.

"Oh, so you can yell at me like that chef on television when I get the wrong stuff?"

Sounds like a plan!

I get to his house around noon and knock. He promptly opens the door and leads me in.

"I hope that I'm not walking into a pig sty." I say.

"You still can't be nice to me, can you?" he says, smiling.

"That is being nice!" I reply. "I could just come in and start ordering you to sanitize everything. Who knows what gross things you do living here by yourself!"

"You make it sound like I have cooties or something!"

"I'm not sure that you don't!"

We head into the kitchen and start unpacking the bags. I brought a nice selection of vegetables and some seafood. Fortunately, he bought things that are different from mine. We start by getting the rice ready and chopping up some of the vegetables and fish. I put him to work assembling some of the boxes with a group of ingredients, while I grab a different set and starts my own boxes. I've been practicing a little something and I am hoping to impress him.

Soon I say to him, "What do you think?"

He looks over at the box in front of me, and his eyes get really big.

"Natsuki! That's…that's…isn't that one of the Parfait Girls?"

"Of course it is." I say proudly.

"That's so talented! How did you learn to do that?"

"I watched some videos on the internet. It's called oekakiben or picture bento. There are some incredible examples of it out there. They really put mine to shame."

"No way Nat. I mean, look at that! You even included freckles! You are incredibly talented!"

I feel my cheeks turning red. Still it feels great that he is so impressed.

"Well, I have been practicing. It's not like this is the first time I tried it."

"Still, I am very impressed. Whoever marries you will be a very lucky guy to have such a wonderful cook."

I suddenly go from glad to sad. I have never been close with any boy other than him.

"Yeah, I don't think that's likely to happen." I tell him.

"Why not Natsuki?"

"I know that I'm still young but it just seems like…like guys are afraid of me."

"Well, I'm your friend and I'm afraid of you!" he says, and then seems to realize that it didn't make me feel any better about myself.

"See, even my only guy friend is afraid of me. What chance do I have?"

"Oh Nat, I'm sorry. That didn't come out right. I was trying to tease you but obviously I messed up."

"It's okay," I say as my eyes begin to fill with water. "I'll just have to get used to it."

"Hey, don't cry. You will be a wonderful wife to someone. You have so much to offer, and not just with your cooking skills. I know that you have a big heart inside you. I think that you just try so hard to prove your worth, that people will naturally back away."

"But not you. You've always seemed to know just what to say or do. You always seem to set me back on the right track when I go off."

He walks over and gives me a hug. Why does it feel so good to be in his arms?

"That's what friends are for." he says. Then he looks down into my eyes. A part of me wants to reach up and kiss him. Then I think about how silly that is. Time to come back to reality Natsuki. Speaking of which, I have to get home.

We finish up the boxes. I tell him to keep some to take in for lunch this week.

As I leave I tell him "Thanks…for everything. You sure know how to make a girl feel good about herself."

The confused look on his face tells me he doesn't understand. He can be so dense sometimes.

Another uneventful week has ended and it is now Saturday morning. I rush to get my chores done so I can get to what I really want to do…see Kishi. As I am dusting I notice that, above the mantle where my mother's picture has hung since the accident, there are now a total of five pictures! I know that my father has not been the same since that day, but I wonder if it is really starting to get to him. I don't ponder it for very long and return to my work.

After my father leaves for work, I text Kishi.

Heading out…ready for me?

"Yep, just finishing up some housework."

I expect it to be spotless! :)

"You expect too much of me then!"

I make the walk over to his house and knock on the door. He opens it and leads me into the living room.

"So, what do you want to watch today?" he asks.

"I don't know…surprise me." I reply.

"Hmm…what do you think about this?," he says as he checks the schedule, "it's a special presentation about the Ghibli Museum."

"Is that the manga museum in Tokyo?" I ask.

"Yes it is."

"Yes, I would love to see this."

We watch the one-hour special almost silently. When it ends, we are both excited at how much there is to see.

"I would love to visit that place some time." I tell him.

"It's definitely on my bucket list." Kishi replies.

"If you ever go, you better take me along. I wouldn't be able to stand you if you had that experience up on me." I tell him, while laughing.

"I can't think of anyone else I would want to see it with." he tells me.

Suddenly, it feels like my heart has stopped. Did he really just say that? That's not what he meant Natsuki, get a grip. Stop living in fantasy world. But still, he did say it…

We watched a couple of episodes of one of his favorite anime series. It's just okay for me, but the biggest pleasure is just getting to spend time with him. It's so nice to see him smiling. Little did I know, that smile was soon to be wiped right off of his face…literally.

Chapter Seven: The Breakdown

Monday started off like any other week would. I spend the morning waiting for lunch, and then spend the afternoon waiting for club time so we can share our poems. I have a really good one today. I can hardly wait!

We were all in the room except for Yuri. She enters after a couple of minutes of waiting, but something is wrong. That old saying about 'if looks could kill' was plastered on Yuri's face! I don't even remember seeing her this upset when we were arguing last year. She walks over and stands in front of Kishi.

"How could you?" she yells at him. "I trusted you, and this is how you repay my trust? Going behind my back?"

"Yuri, I didn't tell anyone, not even the girls!" he protests, but it's no use.

She pulls her arm back and "smack", her hand connects firmly with his cheek. You can even see the outline of her fingers there.

"I should have known that you would be just like those other guys. I never want to speak to you again!"

And with that, she practically ran out of the room. We are all frozen like mannequins.

Then I ask, "What did you do to her?"

He doesn't respond but finally gets up and runs out the classroom door, probably to try to chase her down. But by that time, she must be out of sight. Kishi glumly re-enters the classroom and sits down.

"I guess you're all wondering what's going on." he says weakly. "At this point I have nothing to lose in telling you."

So he explains the situation to us, emphasizing that he hadn't talked to anyone about it except his mom, and that was with Yuri's consent. We are shocked and angry.

"I wish that she had come to me." said Monika.

"I don't think I would have even gone back a second time, if that were me." added Sayori.

"He would get a knuckle sandwich from me!" I exclaimed.

"Do you think I did the right thing by staying out of it? Mom said that it wasn't my battle, but it just felt so wrong not doing anything about it! But I never told anyone else, honest."

"Kishi, you did what a friend would do. You kept her secret, even though she doesn't believe that right now. Something else had to have happened. Maybe someone saw something and went to the principal. Maybe he was doing this to more than one girl. There has to be another explanation. We'll talk to Yuri for you. You better get home." Monika said, as we nod in agreement.

"In fact, I will walk you home. No ifs, ands, or buts." Sayori said

He pulls his backpack on dejectedly and heads out with Sayori.

Monika and I both head for the girl's bathroom. Both of us know what's happening and we want desperately to stop it. We enter and hear sobbing coming from the one stall that is closed. Monika starts talking to her.

"Yuri…please come out. We need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about. My life has just been wrecked, all because I trusted him."

She says that last word with contempt.

I decide to try a different approach.

"Yuri, we are not leaving here without you. Now, if you want to continue having this conversation when another girl comes in here, I don't care. I will continue talking to you no matter who else is in here."

There is a long pause, but then we here the click of the lock. Yuri makes sure that her sleeves are pulled down before she comes out. Monika wraps an arm around her and leads her back to the club room. We then let her know that Kishi told us everything that had been going on, emphasizing that we didn't know until after she left the room. She doesn't seem to believe us, saying over and over "He had to have told someone".

As we try to comfort her and explain, there is a knock on the door. The principal enters and asks Yuri to come with him. As she is exiting the room, he tells us that they won't be returning today. We look at each other and wonder how things got this crazy. The worry that each of us feels is a bit overwhelming.

When I get home, I send Kishi a text.

"Hope you're okay. The principal came and took Yuri to his office. We don't know why or what happened."

Later that night, I get a message from Monika. She is going to meet with Yuri before school tomorrow.

Lunchtime couldn't get here fast enough. Sayori said that we would get some information then and I was very anxious to find out what the story is. I arrive to find Monika and Sayori in the room.

"Yuri is not at school today and Kishi probably won't be here." Sayori informs me.

Then Monika relates what she learned from Yuri this morning.

It seems that there were complaints from other girls in school…enough that they did a thorough investigation and came up with enough evidence to bring charges. They even discovered that he had altered answers on some of the girls exams, including Yuri's, so they would continue to meet with him. I feel the desire to punch something…or maybe someone.

Then there was a knock on the door. It was Kishi's class rep and she asks Monika to step outside.

As she re-enters the room, we can tell that it's more bad news.

"She just told me that Kishi was taken out of class this morning. It seems he may have fallen asleep and was having a nightmare or something. She said he was saying a lot of strange things. His teacher had to lightly slap his face to get him to snap out of it."

"Oh no! Poor Kishi!" said Sayori sadly. "I've had dreams like that. I wouldn't wish those on anyone!"

"Geez! And getting slapped two days in a row!" I add

How am I going to concentrate on classes with all of this going on in my head?

When the last bell of the day finally rings, I rush up to the meeting room. I really hate being a year behind the others, especially when it takes me longer to get to the meeting room. Oh well, the extra stairs don't hurt I guess. Monika and Sayori are already there of course, and they tell me that there is nothing new to report. So Monika gets ready to head over and check on Yuri. I tell her that I will tag along, which kind of surprises her. I guess I can't blame her, given our history from last year, but I do count Yuri as my friend. She must be feeling horrible about yesterday and now…

Suddenly, Sayori jumps up. "I got a text from Kishi!"

"What does it say?" we ask.

"Oh…his mom must have his phone. She says that he had a breakdown this morning. He is in the hospital for a couple of days. Dr. Shitori is not allowing any visitors for now."

"Hey!" I exclaim, "That's your doctor, isn't it Sayori?"

"Yes!. I'm glad that he is with Kishi. He is very good."

So now, knowing that Kishi is in good hands, my thoughts turn back to Yuri.

Then Monika says what I was just realizing.

"Do you think I ought to tell her about what happened to Kishi today?"

"It will probably make her feel worse and then she'll want to …" I stop, not wanting to say the rest out loud.

"Gee, I don't know, says Sayori," "but it might be better if she hears it from one of us."

"I'm afraid this is one of those no-win situations." Monika says glumly.

We get to Yuri's house, which is actually her grandparents. They took her in after her parents tragic accident. That was one thing that brought Yuri and I closer together last year…sharing the heartache of losing a parent. Only, for her, it was twice as bad. At least I still have my father…for better or worse. Her grandfather greets us at the door and calls for Yuri. She comes to the door and then leads us to her room.

"How are you doing today?" Monika asks her.

"Not well." she replies. "My actions of yesterday keep replaying in my head like a movie on an endless loop."

Monika responds, "Yuri, remember what I told you yesterday. Kishi will certainly forgive you if you will just talk to him."

She then stops, as she remembers the news we haven't yet shared with Yuri.

"Monika…it appeared that you were going to say more."

"Umm…"

I decide to say what Monika can't.

"Yuri…there was an incident at school today. Kishi is in the hospital. He had some kind of mental breakdown this morning in class."

Her face turn ghostly white. She almost looks like she will pass out! We both move over to opposite sides of her and grab her arms.

"I'm…I'm okay." she stammers.

"Here," Monika says, "just sit down for a minute."

I keep watching Yuri, waiting for her to say something. But she gets a faraway look in her eyes for a moment, and then says decisively, "I need to use the restroom. Please excuse me."

Monika and I both look at each other with panic! We know that this is the type of situation where she is most tempted to harm herself. Neither of us want that to happen, but neither of us know how to stop her! We both start to tear up as Yuri breaks free of us and heads out of the room.

We wait at least half an hour for her to return. When she comes back in the room, our tears are no longer just in our eyes. We both go over and give her a group hug. She tries to apologize, but we refuse to hear it.

"Yuri, we still support you and will until the day when you no longer have to give in to this." Monika says to her.

I quickly add, "Yuri, you can call me, anytime of the day if talking can help you not…" I can't finish.

She nods understandingly but says, "I wish it were that simple Natsuki. I really do."

Then she leads us back out to the entrance door and gives us a sad good bye wave. I may not understand the way that she deals with things, but I do know that I would give anything to keep her from doing it.

It's a very quiet walk home with Monika. We say our good byes and I enter the quiet house. As I head to my room, I notice that two more pictures of my mother have been placed on the wall. This is starting to worry me a bit. Before I go to sleep, I send a text to Kishi, telling him that I plan on making some special cupcakes for his return.

Wednesday and Thursday pass without any mention of Kishi being allowed to leave. However, Thursday night Sayori sent a group text to us

Sayori: Dr. Shitori would like us to come to the hospital on Friday afternoon after school.

Monika: I will be there.

"Me too. I miss him!" I say.

Sayori: Yuri? He said he would like for us all to be there.

Yuri: "I don't think I can do it."

Monika: Yes you can Yuri. You are a part of our group. Nothing has changed that!

Yuri: But I treated him so badly. I am probably the last person on earth that he wants to see. Especially since I made him have a breakdown.

We all refute her statement and, as we talk about our own interactions with him, we realize that we all had been leaning on him for help. We decide that we all, together, had brought this upon him. Yuri seems to feel a bit better, but still won't commit to going. We are definitely going to have to encourage her tomorrow.

We end the chat, and I turn to my homework. But I was thinking about Kishi.

I could swear that this school day has been going on for 20 hours. Of course, the fact that I keep looking at the clock every five minutes doesn't help. Lunch even drug on, as we all felt both excitement and apprehension. But finally, the last bell rings, and we head out to the front of school. Thankfully, Yuri has come also, but the reluctance is written all over her face.

We make the walk over to the hospital and talk to the lady at the receiving desk. She asks us to wait in the lobby while she notifies Dr. Shitori. Soon after, he appears through some double swinging doors. He smiles at Sayori and walks over to greet her first. Sayori then introduces us. I do remember him from one of Sayori's sessions. I went along with her for moral support. He then explains to us that we will only be able to meet with him for a short while. As he leads us over to the room where Kishi is, we notice that Yuri is lagging behind us. Monika goes back and takes her by the arm. She almost has to drag her over. Sayori notices a lady who, I am guessing, is Kishi's mother. They start talking and Sayori motions over to Yuri occasionally. We finally decide that Yuri is going to wait a bit with Kishi's mother, while the rest of us go in.

Kishi immediately jumps up when we enter the room, then runs over and hugs each of us.

"It is so good to see you all. I can't tell you how much I've missed you."

"Well, we've missed you too. We were a bit surprised when your mom texted Sayori and asked us to come around today, but we jumped at the chance." Monika said.

"If I would have known earlier, I would have made some cupcakes for you." I tell him.

"And I would have helped you eat them!" added Sayori, and we all laugh.

"So…when are they going to let you go?" Monika asks.

"With any luck, tomorrow." he replies. "He seemed to indicate that today would be the determining factor. I am still trying to figure out how getting to see you all factors into that decision."

"Well," Sayori says sadly, "aren't we the reason you're in here?"

"No!" Kishi replies harshly.

"I'm sorry…no, this is not your fault. It just sort of happened. It's kind of like when you're pouring something into a bowl, and then you get a twitch or something and a whole bunch of it comes out at once. It just all piled up on me at the same time."

Sayori nods at him.. "I know what it's like to feel overwhelmed."

"Yes, but look at how much better you are now! If you can do it, coming back from where you were, then there's at least some hope for me, right?"

She smiles again. "Yes…definitely!"

And then, a light bulb goes on over Kishi's head, and a look of panic covers his face. Monika notices and grabs his hand.

"Hold on! Don't give in to that thought just yet. We agreed to come in together, but they only gave us a short while to talk with you. We have to go now but…"

We all stand and give him a hug. I look up into his eyes and smile as we embrace. I am so glad he is doing better.

Then Monika continues.

"There is one more person here to see you."

Yuri has her back to the door as we walk out. She makes no movement, even though Kishi's mother is trying to get her to go into the room. So Monika lifts her face up so they can see each other, says a couple of more things, and then gives Yuri a hug. Yuri turns towards the door, but her eyes fall to the ground when she sees Kishi looking at her. She slowly makes her way in. I hope Kishi can get through to her. I hate to see her this way.

A few minutes later, we see Dr. Shitori come out of an adjacent room. He smiles at us and seems pleased at the way that things have gone. He tells us that Kishi will probably be able to leave tomorrow but didn't guarantee it. I'll take any bit of hope that I can get. I just want him to get better.

He then goes in and escorts Yuri out of the room. She's not really jumping for joy, but then, when has she ever done that. I can tell that she feels better though. Dr. Shitori then motions for Kishi's mom to join him in the room, while thanking us for coming. With that, we all head out the hospital doors. To say that all of our spirits have been lifted today would be an understatement. Maybe now, we can get back to being normal, whatever that means.

Chapter Eight: Recovery and a New Normal

It's Monday now, and Kishi is due back in school today. I can imagine that it won't be easy walking into his homeroom class. I know most kids will treat him okay, but there will always be a few buttheads. I can't wait to see him at lunch time. All of us girls are in the room and we wait for him to show up. Finally, he comes through the door.

"What's with the face? Everything okay?" Monika asks.

"Yeah, just felt a little uncomfortable coming here, I don't know why. I guess because I feel like I let you all down."

"Why, because you have to face the fact that you are human too?"

Our mouths dropped open in shock.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so harsh." she said in apology. "However, I do remember talking to you about not being able to save everyone."

"Yeah, funny you should mention that. I remembered that conversation when I was talking with Dr. Shitori. He agrees with your diagnosis by the way." He smiles at her, which brings a sense of relief to the rest of us.

"Well, I am very glad that you are back. You have been missed! Also, I want to let you know that I am going to make an effort to cut back on our talks. I feel like I didn't help your situation."

"But Monika, you need to let of steam sometimes. It's not healthy for you to keep it bottled up!"

"I agree, but I don't have to always turn to you in order to do that. I have three other friends right here at this table who I can lean on when I need to. I refuse to play a part in you having another break…"

She doesn't complete the word. An uneasy silence falls on the room.

"It's okay guys. You can call it what it is. I had a breakdown. And you're right, I am only human and I can only take so much. I guess I found out what my limits are…the hard way. As much as I want to help you all, as much as I want to be the one that you turn to, I can't help you if I am not taking care of myself. It was driving me nuts not being able to talk to you all…wondering if you were okay…wondering if…"

He didn't finish the thought. He didn't have to. All of us realized where that was heading.

Then, he continues, "I just want to say that I don't want you to totally avoid me. That would hurt me because I care for you all very much. I do realize that I have to limit myself, and Dr. Shitori has given me guidelines and warning flags to use to prevent another breakdown. Just please don't cut me out of your lives!"

We are all a bit teary-eyed now. At the sound of the bell, we all get up and give him a hug, and then head off to classes.

Chapter Nine: Valentine's Day

It is Valentine's Day, and I hurry through my chores on this Saturday. I need to get to work in the kitchen. I intend to show Kishi how creative I can be with chocolate! I have been checking out some ideas on the internet and found several that I really like. However, I start out with some ordinary giro chocolates to keep my father from discovering my intent.

"Are you making any for me?" he asks.

"I'm sure there will be some for you, father." I reply.

"I always looked forward to receiving honmei chocolates from your mother." he says. His face turns sorrowful. Then he turns and gathers his things for work. He leaves without saying good bye. I then proceed to start on my special confections. After an hour or so, I have everything boxed and wrapped. I send Kishi a text.

Hey, you busy?

"Not at the moment. Let me guess, you'd like to come over?"

Yeah, but…you don't sound so good. Are you sick?

"No…it's nothing. Come on over. I'll be here."

I grab my things and head out the door. I haven't been in such a good mood in a long time.

"Hi Nat! Come on in." he says as he opens the door.

"So how's your Valentine's Day going?" he asks.

"I think that's what I'm supposed to ask you." I answer.

"So what did you want to do, some baking, watch some anime, or is it something more serious?

"It's serious."

He immediately becomes concerned. "Are you okay? Did you and your dad have another fight?"

"No, nothing like that. It's…umm…" I stumble over my words. "Look, I've never done this before and I'm just going to get it over with. I made you some…special chocolates."

He doesn't react like I hoped he would. He sets the bag on the table and drops his head into his hands.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" I ask.

He then spends several minutes explaining to me that he doesn't have romantic feelings for any girl right now. I am at a loss for words. My hopes have been dashed. I quickly decide that I have to get out as fast as I can. So I make an excuse about having to get back home before my dad returns from work. I am sure that the disappointment on my face gives away my lie though. It is not a pleasant walk home.

Sunday morning and clouds have turned the sky a murky gray, which just happens to fit my mood. I make breakfast for my father and I, and then clean up the dishes. He notices my downcast demeanor and comments.

"You are missing your mother?"

"I don't know." I reply in half truth. "It's just kind of a down day."

"I know how you feel. The closer it gets to the anniversary of her death, the worse I feel."

"Father, may I ask you a question?"

"You may."

"Why are you putting up so many pictures of mother lately?"

"I have been spending time looking through some photo albums. There are so many pictures that bring back such wonderful memories. I want to see those pictures to try to ease the pain."

"But, doesn't it make it worse to be reminded of it so much?"

"I never want to forget her. I refuse to forget her!" he replies emphatically.

I decide to drop the issue. I am worried about his mental state though. The thought occurs to me to call Kishi and discuss it with him. Then I think about what he just went through. Do I really want to start piling stuff on him again? No, I won't do that to him. I wonder if I should talk to Dr. Shitori.

We had decided to make this Monday the last day for sharing poems. Exams are fast approaching and we all need to be focused on them. I really want to make it a great one! I lock myself in my room and start to brainstorm. Finally, the words come to me.

While you see a chance, take it

Is a line from an old song

Sometimes it seems so easy

The feelings are so strong

If it doesn't go the way

You expected all along

It doesn't mean the choice

Was necessarily wrong

Some things just take time

I think that sums up my feelings pretty well at the moment. It might be a bit too obvious to a certain someone though. Oh well. I've never been one to hide my feelings, now have I?

Of course, this day just has to drag by. The clock hands are moving slower than a snail, and my attention span is…oh look! A squirrel! I love watching squirrels.

At last! The final bell of the day rings and I head to the club room.

We had been sharing poems in a different manner this year. After reading our poems to the others, Monika would ask each of the listeners for a one or two word response regarding what they thought that the poem was about, or what spoke to them. I read my poem and then wait for the reactions.

Sayori seems to be thinking hard and then says 'stick-to-it-iveness'. Is that a word?"

Yuri agrees, but in a different way. "Perseverance" she says.

"Natsuki." says Monika. "And by that I mean, it is so you!"

Kishi has a huge smile on his face as he says "Cute!"

I can feel my cheeks turning red, and I am ready to yell at him when he speaks again.

"I'm kidding. I couldn't resist. My real answer is…hope."

Now I can smile. He gets it.

Chapter Ten: Futures Revealed

As the anniversary of my mother's death kept getting closer, my father's behavior grew more erratic. He started drinking again, but it didn't seem to be out of control. Occasionally, he would tell me how much I remind him of her. We were about the same size, but her hair was dark brown and she always kept it long. I feel sorry for him but, at the same time, he is dragging me down into his sadness. Fortunately, I have exams to keep my focus on, so it helps keep me from getting too low.

We decided to have the final club meeting after exams. The conversation was mostly somber, but with flashes of excitement as we discussed what was to come. Then Kishi decided to ask an offbeat question…

"What will you miss most about me?"

"Oh, definitely your sarcasm!" Monika says in the most sarcastic tone I have ever heard her speak in!

"Who am I going to share manga with now?" I ask.

"I will miss your open-mindedness. You always allowed me to be myself and gave me confidence in who I am. I will always treasure that." says Yuri in typical Yuri fashion.

Sayori is very quiet. We all turn to look at her. She looks up with teary eyes and says, "I will miss having you so close by."

"Hey, we've been best friends forever", he reminds her, "and nothing is going to change that. You know that mom is going to want me to come back every chance that I get and I hope to be able to see you every time that I do."

She smiles sadly.

"Are you going to make me get my degree in record time and come back here to take Dr. Shitori's place?"

"No!" she laughs, "I'll be okay. It will just be hard to adjust to." I nod my head in agreement.

Then Monika breaks the mood by asking the same question about herself. The other girls also take their turn at it.

We finally have to break up the meeting, although none of us want to go. We all trade hugs and head out to our homes.

The anniversary date is today. My father has asked me to go out to eat with him. I am rather shocked, as we rarely eat at a restaurant. However, I agree, thinking that maybe I can help him get through it. I am about to get ready when he knocks on my door and asks to enter. I open the door and see him standing there, holding one of my mother's dresses!

"I am asking you to honor your mother by wearing this dress. It was her favorite."

I remember the dress. She only wore it on special occasions. It was a red dress with black trim around the sleeves and the hem, which was about knee-length.

"But father, I doubt if it would fit me right."

"Please try…for me."

I reluctantly take the dress from him and close the door. As I pull the dress off of the hanger, I notice a wig…with long brown hair! Surely he doesn't think… It makes me feel uneasy. I put the hanger down on my bed and cover it with my blanket. As I put on the dress, I find that it's okay…not a perfect fit, but there won't be any embarrassing incidents. Although I am torn about wearing it, I decide to do it for my father.

As I enter the living room, I see a bit of disappointment on his face, but he quickly smiles and tells me how nice I look. He is dressed in his best clothes, even sporting a tie! His hair has been neatly combed, which is a change from the usual mussed up look. He seems to be in a very good mood overall, which is a relief to me. I do smell sake on his breath though. We set off walking to the restaurant, which is only a few blocks away.

We are seated, and father tells me to order whatever I want. He says that he has been saving for this day. He decides on an anago bowl along with hot sake. I am not thrilled with him ordering the sake, but I don't say anything. I know how tough this is on him. I decide to try bara-chirashi, with several types of seafood in it. The food takes a while, and my father has already ordered two more sake. I don't like where this is heading. The food arrives and it tastes very good. Father does not eat very much, saying that his stomach has started to bother him. Still, he has no problem drinking two more sake. We ask for a container, to take home the rest of his meal, and set out for home. His walking is very unsteady, and he puts a hand on my shoulder. At this point, I am glad that he is not a very big man, or else I would have trouble keeping him upright.

We make it into the house, and I help him over to the kitchen table. Then I go to get ready for bed. When I come back out, I see that he has pulled out a bottle of sake. I quickly say good night to him. He looks at me with a strange look on his face and says "Chuya". That was my mother's name! Surely he doesn't think that I am her, does he? Is he that drunk? Now, I am worried.

I go into my room and lock the door. I sit down and try to relax. I check the internet for some information on the dish that I had at the restaurant. I might try making it at home some time. Before too long I grow sleepy. However, just as I am about to get into bed, I hear my father yelling my mother's name again.

"Chuya! Where are you? I need you!"

Then, his voice seems to be getting nearer.

"Where are you my love? Why are you hiding? Come to me. I need you!"

Then, I hear the handle to my door as he tries to come in. I start to panic. What if he comes in? What will he do in his drunken state? I decide that I can't wait to find out. I put on my slippers and slide open the window. I just make it out and slide it closed as I hear the door breaking! I frantically pull out my phone as I duck down low. I find Yuri's number and dial it.

"Hello?" she says sleepily.

"Yuri, this is Nat. Can I come over?"

"Natsuki? Why are you calling this late?"

"Yuri, please, it's an emergency. I need to come over right away!"

She finally wakes up enough to fully understand what I am saying.

"Are you okay?" she asks.

"At the moment, yes." I reply. "But I may not be if I stay here much longer."

"Oh…then come right over. I will be watching for you.

So I set out for her house, wrapped in my robe and wearing my pink bunny slippers. What a sight I would be for anyone who happens to pass by. Suddenly, a car turns on to the road I am walking on. I tell myself to just keep walking, just keep my eyes looking forward. I try to find a house that still has lights on, just in case I need to make a run for it. The car pulls up alongside me. My heart is about to beat out of my chest. Then I hear a voice from the car.

"It's a little late to be running away from home, isn't it young lady. It is also dangerous for you to be out here alone at this time of night. It's a good thing we decided to come down this road." he says.

I am debating whether to take off running when I turn and look at the car. It's an officer's patrol vehicle! Relief washes over me and I take a deep breath.

"Thanks for your concern officer. I am just heading over to a friends house a couple of blocks over."

"Well, just the same, we will travel along with you. We don't want anything bad to happen to you."

I give them a weak smile and try not to think about what might have happened at home.

We finally make it to Yuri's house. She turns on an outside light and opens the door. I thank the officers again and head into her house.

"Wow!" she says, "That was nice of them to escort you!"

"Yeah, but they scared me half to death before I realized who they were." I told her.

She leads me back to her bedroom and offers me the chair at her desk while she sits on her bed.

"So, if you're okay, why did you need to come over?" Yuri asks.

"Things just got really…weird." I reply.

I then share with her the things that occurred, which led me to call her.

"My goodness Natsuki! That is truly awful! I am so glad that you called me." she says. "You are planning on spending the night here, aren't you?"

"If it won't cause any trouble. I am not going back to that house tonight!" I reply emphatically.

She leaves the room for a moment and comes back with a futon that we spread out on the floor. I thank her again and fall back on it, trying to get my mind to quiet down. Sleep does not come fast, neither does it stay for long. I find myself being woken up several times from nightmares, always with my father approaching my bed in the darkness, calling out my mother's name.

Morning comes, and Yuri has explained to her grandparents about my situation. They tell me that I am welcome to stay as long as I need to. I thank them for their generous offer. Then Yuri and I head back to her room.

"So, what are you going to do Natsuki?" she asks me.

"I don't know." I tell her. "I don't want to go back if he is going to be drinking all the time. I can't trust him when he is like that. At the same time, it makes me sad to think of him all alone in the house."

"It certainly is a tragic situation to be caught in the middle of. I wish that I could help in some way."

"Yuri…you have already helped me so much." I tell her. "I am forever grateful to you for answering my call last night."

"As you know, I am heading to university tomorrow. But my grandparents have said that it is okay for you to stay. I guess, in a way, it would ease their sadness at my leaving if you were to stay for a while."

"I do appreciate the offer, but I think that I need to make a long-term decision. I am thinking that he will probably try to track me down. If I refuse to come home, there is no telling what he might do in a drunken state. I would hate for something bad to happen to your family or home because of him."

"Hmm, I do understand your point. But what other options do you have?"

In my head, I am smiling. In between the nightmares last night, I came up with a plan. I won't share it with her though.

"I'll come up with something." I tell her. "Right now, I have to make plans to sneak into the house when my father isn't home. I can't exactly do much in a robe and pink bunny slippers."

We both laugh at the thought of that.

The morning fades into afternoon. Yuri has excused herself to proceed with her packing. I am excited for her, going to study Japanese literature. She will do very well as long as she can deal with the social anxiety that has plagued her for so many years. She has done much better over this past year though.

I look at the clock and decide that it is time to make my move. I say good bye to Yuri and her grandparents. Yuri looks at me questioningly, but evidently decides not to pressure me to tell her. I assure her that I will be fine. Then she sees the patrol car pull up in front of the house and understands that, at least for now, I will be okay.

The officer on the passenger side gets out and opens the back door for me. He laughs and tells me that it isn't every day that they get to escort bunny slippers around town. I smile at him and thank him for what they are doing for me. We make the short drive over to my neighborhood, but park a little ways away from my house. I describe my house to them so they can keep an eye out while I scrunch down, out of sight. Eventually, they see him leave the house and tell me that it is safe to go in. They walk me up to the front door which, fortunately, is unlocked. He must be expecting me to come back. Little does he know…

I quickly change clothes and run a brush through my hair. Then I pack up two bags with my essentials and pull out my phone. I type out a text and hit send.

"Hey! Change of plans! Is there still time to come along with you?"

I get a text back telling me that the train is late and he is stuck in the station.

"Can you wait for me?"

"I guess so. What's up?"

"I'll tell you when I get there."

When I make it to the station, I only have to search a short while to find him. I yell to him, and run over to him. He stands and gives me a hug.

"You didn't think that you were going to get away from me that easily, did you?"

"I really wasn't trying to get away from you. I have university coming up. What do you think you're doing though? Have you even thought this out?"

"Eh, I can go to school anywhere. Besides, with you four gone, I don't have anything keeping me here."

"Are things not well with your dad again?"

"Let's just say that we are starting to argue more and more. I'm kind of afraid."

"Well, better safe than sorry, that's for sure." he says in reassurance.

As we ride, I tell him about my last night at home. He is shocked at the events. Then, I ask him…

"Did I make the right decision?"

"I don't know for sure. I guess time will tell." he says. "But I know this…right now you are safe with me."

I smile and lay my head on his shoulder.

Kishi had been accepted at Osaka University in the school of mental health. As the train pulled into town, he asked me what my plans were.

"Well, I found a women's shelter in town that I can stay at for a while. I'm sure with the situation with my father, they would accept me." I tell him.

"I might have a better idea." he tells me. "What if you just stay with me? I won't be having a social life because I plan to devote myself fully to my studies."

"Seriously?" I ask him. "I wouldn't want to be a pain in your neck."

"You…a pain? Who would ever think that about sweet Natsuki?" he says laughing. He gets an elbow in the ribs for that remark.

"I guess you needed a reminder of what a pain I can be." I say smiling.

We take a cab over to the apartment that he had already prepared. It was small but comfy. I tell him that I am sleeping on the sofa. He tries to argue, but I won't listen. This is his place and I will sleep where the guest would sleep. We get settled in and Kishi starts his classes. I enroll in a high school that is not too far away. I was also able to pick up a part time job. The owners had wanted someone to be full-time, but I couldn't do that with school. I also intend to do most of the chores around the apartment so Kishi can concentrate on his school work.

After a while though, I got to thinking about things. One night, I decided to ask Kishi about it.

"What would you think if I dropped out of school and started working full time?"

"Hmm. Then you don't plan to go to university?" he asked.

"Honestly, I don't think I ever considered it seriously. My grades have never been very high. Also, the owners of the café really like me and want me to work full time. I really enjoy working there and they are wonderful people. They treat me like I was their daughter. I guess it kind of makes sense. I told them that I had lost my mother and had left my father behind. They never had any children. So I guess it was like a match made in heaven for us to find each other."

"Well, when you put it that way, I don't see how you can't do it. It just seems tailor-made for you…and for them. I have seen you work in the kitchen and I know that is where you are most comfortable."

"Yeah…that's true. I'm going to do it! You've convinced me!"

"Hey! I didn't convince you. You convinced yourself!"

We laugh together.

Things settled into a comfortable rhythm after that. I was able to spend more time in the café, and they were teaching me about running the business. I think that they were hoping that I might buy the business off of them eventually. I have to say, the thought of that has crossed my mind. But I doubt that I can ever save up that kind of money.

Occasionally, I would think about my father and wonder how he was. Sometimes it even made me cry, thinking that I had doubled his trouble by leaving. But Kishi would always reassure me by reminding me that, as long as he was drinking, he would be a danger to me. There was never a guarantee that, even if he stopped for a while, he wouldn't start up again. That helped to lesson the guilt I was feeling. I had made the only rational choice that I could have made given the situation.

It was in Kishi's third year that I got the surprise of my life. I thought something was strange when he asked if I wanted to go out to eat.

"What's the occasion?" I asked curiously.

"If I tell you then it won't be a surprise." he said evasively.

We had a nice dinner together and then he suggested a walk around campus. He showed me the building where most of his classes took place. We then ended up by a water fountain. It was very pretty, lighting up intermittently with the colors of the rainbow. Suddenly, he stopped and spun me around. Then he got down on one knee and opened a box near my hands!

"Natsuki, will you marry me?" he asked.

I almost fell down! Luckily, he caught me before I hit the ground.

"I thought this might come as a shock, but not that bad!" he said with a smile.

"You're smiling awfully big for a guy who hasn't heard the word 'yes' yet." I tease him.

He realizes that I'm right and then asks me again. Of course, I tell him yes. Then we hear applause from some students who had caught on to what was happening. We smiled and thanked them. I don't think my feet hit the ground the whole way home!

Shortly after Kishi graduated, the owners of the café where I worked were killed in a tragic accident. We found out later that they had decided to leave the café to me in their will. I was shocked. No, we both were. They were such wonderful people. Kishi decided to set up shop in town. He didn't want to take me away from the store. I was doing very well with the business, and people were coming from neighboring towns to buy my baked goods. I was incredibly happy with my career.

We had one child. We named him Namiko because we felt that our lives were like the ocean waves. It seemed we were always going from highs to lows and back again. Kishi's mother was able to help out with him. She had sold her house and got an apartment nearby. She said that she no longer needed that big a place, especially since she still traveled a lot for her job.

The highs and lows of our life together couldn't have been more evident than the day that he returned. Kishi happened to be in the store, grabbing a bite to eat when he walked in. I immediately got angry.

"What are you doing here?" I yelled. Fortunately, there were no other customers in the store.

"I want to talk with you." he replied.

"I don't think we have anything to talk about, do we?"

"I have some things that I want to say to you, starting with I'm sorry."

"Yeah, you're sorry all right." I said.

Kishi gave me a stern look.

"Okay, that was a little harsh…sorry." I said. "But I still don't want to talk to you." With that, I walked back into the kitchen.

Kishi followed me in a few moments later.

"Don't try to tell me that I'm being unreasonable. I have every right to be mad at him." I said before he could start talking.

"You're right," he said, which caught me off guard. "But look at it this way. First of all, he's your father. You only have one. Second, he has tracked you down to try to talk with you. I won't ask you to talk to him, but would it be okay if I talked with him, just to see what he has to say? Please?" He tried to put on puppy dog eyes.

"You're such a dork. Quit trying to get to me with those sad eyes." I told him, trying not to laugh. "I guess that would be okay. Just don't make any promises for me. My mind is set."

"I wouldn't think of it. Thanks Nat!' he said as he hugged me and kissed me on top of my head.

Kishi went back in and talked with my father. I could hear the whole conversation even though I was still in the kitchen.

"I've just missed her so much and I can't stand being alone," he said. "It was bad enough losing her mother, but now I've really messed up and lost her too. I can't deal with this." The tears are flowing freely by now. "When she left, I kept drinking and ended up losing my job. I happened to see an article in the paper about this store and couldn't believe that my little girl had done so well. I was so proud of her and so ashamed of myself. I figured that I had one shot left. So I took all the money I had left and came to town and rented a room. I only had enough for a week. If she won't talk to me, I don't know what I'll do. I'll really have nothing left to live for."

Those words scared me into doing something that, five minutes ago, I would have sworn I wouldn't do. I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around him and started crying. Well, that made 3 of us crying.

After a while, we finally decided to accept a reunification of sorts. We agreed to pay for his room and board and he could visit the house, as long as he agreed to get some counseling. Kishi set him up with a colleague and also arranged to sit in on most of the sessions. Together, they helped him to deal with the loss of my mother in a more positive way, although Kishi would never tell me what they talked about. He always invoked 'patient confidentiality'. Then he would laugh and tell me to 'go ask your father'. He enjoyed that a little too much. I was just glad that he was getting help though. That was the most important thing.

After a while, we began to see my father transform. As he would play with his grandson, there was true happiness etched on his face. Kishi told me that he had heard of grandchildren totally changing even the hardest-hearted old men, but had never seen it in person. It was heart-warming to say the least. And I have gradually softened my attitude towards him. One night, as we sat on the couch watching him with his grandson, I noticed Kishi smiling at me.

"Why are you smiling like that?" I asked curiously.

"I'm just loving the way that this has turned out, having your father back in our lives. It kind of gets me thinking."

I smiled knowingly as he pulled out his phone. It's time for him to reconcile with his father. Way past time.