Written for the QLFC Season 2 - Round 8
Snape stared down at the crying baby in the stroller. He took half an uneasy step back, watching it warily. Why wouldn't it stop crying? For Merlin's sake, it was screaming loud enough to permanently damage his eardrums. From the moment it had caught sight of his face, it had begun wailing like it was under being personally tortured by Voldemort himself. Already, the rest of the muggles in the park were shooting him nasty looks.
A passing jogger jerked her head violently at the baby. 'Do something about that!' her face read.
He sneered at her retreating back, restraining himself from gesturing rudely at her back. Then he turned back to the baby.
Still crying. Of course. He had hoped in the three seconds he turned away that it would magically disappear.
Snape paused at that thought. Magic… well, there was a solution. Maybe he could dump it in some forest where it wouldn't be able to bother hi— anyone. He was sure Dumbledore would forgive him just this once. In fact, he was doing everyone a favour. They should be thanking him.
And where the hell was this baby's mother anyway? Who in their right mind would just leave a baby stranded in the park? He stepped closer to the stroller, examining it for any sign of I.D.
He sighed. There were none. All the pockets were empty of anything but a half full bottle of milk. The only thing he found was an embroidered Kelly on the side of the stroller, which he assumed it was the baby's name.
Snape glanced down at it, and his lip curled. It sure was an ugly baby. Especially with its face all scrunched up and ugly and red. It was wrinkly too, he thought vindictively.
It was as he was mentally pointing out all its flaws that it occurred to him he could just walk away. It was even his baby. But he hadn't taken more than ten steps away when there was a tap on his shoulder. He half turned, seeing a serene looking older woman.
"Boy, I understand that being a single father is tough," she began, and Snape felt a shudder of disgust run through him. "But abandonment isn't the answer."
"I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't call me that, ma'm," he sneered.
She completely ignored him. A crowd was starting to form around them.
"If you ever need any help with parenting," she continued, in that same goddamn serene voice, "we'd be more than happy to help."
With that, she slipped a business card in his hand, patted the still crying baby on the head, and drifted away. Snape tore up the card immediately, tossing it into the nearest trash. Whispers broke out behind him.
Scowling, he grabbed the handle of the stroller and wheeled the baby off the path, into the grass. He shot a particularly nasty glance at the surrounding people, and they slowly started to disperse. Then, he sighed. Clearly, he couldn't escape.
So, what to do?
Well, first things first, get the damn thing to stop crying. He didn't how Molly dealt with seven of them. Already, his ears were ringing.
Maybe it's hungry, he thought, staring at it. But if that bottle of milk was any indication, then it had already been fed. Besides, it had only started crying once he was in sight.
Would a toy or something do the trick? Snape checked his pockets for anything that could even remotely be called a toy.
He pulled out a piece of string and a potion cork.
He stared at the string, wondering if it would do the trick.
Snape dangled the thing in front of the baby, letting it rock back and forth like a pendulum. For a moment, the damned thing stopped wailing, staring fascinated at the string. Snape let out a quiet huff of relief.
But the moment he stop swinging it around, the baby started crying again, louder than ever.
Snape cursed. He narrowed his eyes threateningly at it, tapping his foot in thought. Well, that didn't work. His arm would fall off before he got the baby to stop crying, or even better, to sleep.
Maybe he could make faces at it? He had seen cartoons as a child, and they always did that.
Snape glanced around at his surroundings, then shuffled closer, and, with great reluctance, squished up his cheeks together and said, "Peek-a-boo!"
The only thing he got for that was a couple of teen girls behind him giggling.
There was only one thing to do then. Snape glared down at it, drawing himself up to his full height. He silently pulled out a wand, and checked his surroundings once more. Then, he flicked his wand, and muttered, "Morsmordre."
Immediately, green mist spilled out of his wand, swirling together. It began weaving into itself, curling over the edges. With a final hissing sound, a green skull formed, hanging in the air above the baby's head. A snake slithered through the skull's gaping mouth, and drifted towards its face.
The baby was completely and utterly silent.
Snape, satisfied, was about to withdraw him hand when he heard a giggle.
In disbelief, he leaned closer. The baby was laughing now, waving two chubby hands through the green mist. The skull was slowly becoming more and more disfigured as those two hands disrupted the image. The baby let out a final squeal of laughter as the skull fully dissipated, and then it latched onto his still outstretch finger, and cooed.
Snape shook off the offending appendage.
That's it, he thought, I'm leaving now.
He turned, fully intent on striding away, when he caught sight of Dumbledore strolling his way, with a middle aged man beside him. The man looked harried, and the moment he caught sight of the stroller, he let out a shout.
"Excuse me, that's my baby!" he shouted, and Snape sighed.
He stepped aside, and let the man fuss over the giggling girl inside. He gave Snape a relieved smile.
"I don't know what you did, but thank you, sir," he said. "She's been crying since yesterday night! I just didn't know what to do. I was reading the paper and it blew away and after I found it again, Kelly was gone! So thank you so much for finding her."
The man continued to blather on, but Snape was already walking away. Dumbledore followed right behind him.
"Not a word," he growled softly.
Dumbledore simply chuckled, and they made their way back to the Leaky Cauldron.