And we're back, fuckers! Wow, that was aggressive.
So, I actually ended up rewriting the last few paragraphs of the previous chapter. Nothing too major, just a little bit of dialogue and some of Jaune's thoughts, purely because I wanted to write this scene...
Awkward was a familiar feeling.
Awkward was a safe feeling.
Anything that wasn't awkward was pretty far outside Jaune's comfort zone, in fact.
However, in this scenario, the blond knight was feeling more uncomfortable than usual. His eyes were locked to the floor in front of his feet. Lips pursed into a thin line, he stood rigidly still with his hands in his pockets. Behind him, a middle-aged woman coughed and hacked wetly into her fist, a wad of phlegm coming up in her throat by the sound of it. To the fore, a morbidly obese man was handing two tubs of ice cream to a bored-looking drug store clerk.
Jaune looked a sight different than the other people in line, and it showed on the cashier's face when ice cream guy ambled away with his bounty. Gone was his nice dinner jacket; in its place was a hoodie that had seen better days. Instead of the shiny black dress shoes, he wore a pair of sneakers. However, he still donned the black slacks and white dress shirt, albeit with a few buttons undone. And his once-combed mane of gold had been reduced to a shaggy mess. To any passerby, he was either the worst-dressed best man at a wedding or the best-dressed hobo.
With a raised brow, the young man behind the counter asked in a monotonous voice, "Can I help you?"
Jaune coughed into his fist, partly because it was what people did when they were in uncomfortable situations, and part in a small, futile attempt to make his presence due to some medical need. "Uh, y-yeah," he said, his words rushed and clumsy, matching the absolute frenzy in his mind. With a little less subtlety than was desired, and without making eye-contact with anyone, Jaune pulled the small multi-colored box out of his hoodie pocket and slipped it across the counter.
Upon seeing it, the kid must have realized why Jaune was acting so ashamed, as he simply nodded and rang the item up without a word. For this, Jaune was thanking the Brothers, Ozpin, Salem, and any other deity that came to mind. The cost of the package flashed up on the small display, along with the tax, giving him his total. The blonde huntsman fished his wallet out his pocket and produces the necessary lien. Handing it to the clerk, he was beginning to think the whole wretched experience might come to an end soon, and without any kind of hiccup that'd no doubt shatter the thin shred of calm he had left.
"Okay, will that be all, sir?" the cashier droned. Jaune nodded, lips pursed, and eyes wide as he shifted on his feet. He then felt his heart sink below his stomach. An evil glint sparkled in the kid's eye, the smallest of grins pulled at his lips.
"Alright then," he said, louder, and with more emotion than ever before. "Would you like your condoms bagged, or would you like your condoms unbagged, sir?"
Jaune immediately felt his face go beet red. His blood pressure went haywire, and his brain wanted to die. "Y-you..." MOTHERFUCKING SHITMUNCHER CUNTBUCKET!
It took all the strength he possessed to not drag the smug bastard over the counter and out the door to the street and beat his ass with the colorful box of contraceptives. Deep breaths hissed through clenched teeth as Jaune turned and stalked toward the door. Behind him, along with the little MSC's whooping laughter, he heard the sick lady who was next in line judging his purchase.
"Shameful," she wheezed. "If you can't handle havin' a child, don't stick it in."
It's for Ruby, he seethed inside his own head. Just think about how much you love Ruby, and how happy this will make her. Whatever you do, do not lose control of yourself. Because the words they'll use to describe me on the news tomorrow are 'standoffish' and 'loner.' But alas, salvation was in sight! The automatic sliding doors of the drug store were a mere five feet away. Just a few more steps and Jaune was free to melt into a puddle, cry, or say things that his mother would no doubt haunt his nightmares for.
However, in their infinite mercy, the gods decided to have one more quick bit of fun with him on his way out. Propped up against the wall by the door, with a hideous combination of chocolate and orange sherbet smeared across his jowls, was the ice cream guy from before. Taking one look at the purple box in Jaune's hand as he stepped outside, the fat man gave a meaty thumbs-up and a wink - basically a middle finger from the universe. It was meant as a show of respect, though. A sign that a bro could see that a bro was getting lucky. But all Jaune could do was sigh and hunch.
The thought of Ruby waiting for him at his home flashed into his head. The things they'd said and what they were planning to do. He took one look at the box of condoms in his hand and sighed. Even after all the embarrassment he'd gone through to buy them, it was still worth it. He loved Ruby, and she loved him.
"The things I'll do for love."
And so, Jaune discovers the wondrously fun thing that is purchasing birth control! Surprise! Yeah, this was mainly just something I wanted to write to get back into the swing of things. The original plan was for this to actually precede the big scene in the same chapter. But, I felt that it would rob the reader of a lot of the emotions and cheapen the feel of the whole thing.
So, yet again, look forward to the next update where our heroes will either do the do, or they'll listen to my highschool sex ed teacher and practice abstinence until marriage. I wonder which the'll choose...
P.S. - I am in no way belittling people who believe in waiting until they're married to have sex. That is a valid way to live your life and I respect your self-control. But, come on! Mrs. Johnson was trying to get a room full of horny teens to keep it in their pants.
P.P.S - Jaune's little expletive-filled exclamation is actually something I yelled today when I shot myself in the foot with a nailgun at work. Just so you know I didn't just pull that out of my ass.