Chapter 28: Risk

BELLA

When the door opened, I didn't know what to expect. Edward blocked my view as usual because he was always conscious to keep me behind him when we were going into an unknown situation.

So, my first impression of her was her voice.

"Hi, Edward!" Chris said, happily.

"Hi, Chris," Edward said, gently. "Hello, ma'am."

When the woman didn't speak, Edward continued.

"I'm sorry for just showing up at your door, ma'am. We wanted to make sure that Chris was safe. He visited us yesterday…"

When she still didn't respond, Edward said, "Chris, can you introduce us?"

"Esme! This… Edward!" Chris piped up.

"It's nice to meet you, Esme," Edward responded.

"It's… nice to meet you too… Edward," a soft woman's voice responded finally.

Suddenly, Chris pushed past Edward and grabbed my hand.

"Come," he said, dragging me forward.

As I moved past Edward, I saw her. Esme looked to be in her late thirties, with caramel coloured hair that fell around her face in waves. She was quite beautiful with a small mouth, straight nose, and wide brown eyes that at first could be described as doe eyes until you looked more closely and saw a keen intelligence hidden under their innocent exterior. She reminded me of the beautiful actresses that starred in the early silent movies. Even though she was staring at us nervously, the hint of dimples in her cheeks and the smile lines that framed her mouth gave the impression that she was a kind-hearted person by nature.

"… Bella," Chris said, pushing me towards her.

I stumbled forward, which caused Esme to take a nervous step backwards and further into her house.

"Esme…" Chris growled, thumping towards her and pulling her back towards the door.

I smiled at her, trying to look as friendly as possible. I was sure that having strangers knock on her door was terrifying.

"My name's Bella. We just live down the road," I said. "I bet it's a bit of a shock for us to show up at your door."

She smiled faintly at me, but didn't say anything. However, as each of us introduced ourselves, Esme seemed to begin to relax, especially when she met Alice.

After a quick introduction, Alice impulsively pulled Esme into a hug.

"Thank you so much for the baby stuff. You don't understand how comforting it was to get it," Alice said.

After the initial shock of being embraced by Alice, Esme's eyes softened.

"You're very welcome, my dear," she said, patting Alice on the back.

Alice pulled Jasper forward and introduced him. Esme looked him over, noting the shifting eyes, the scar on his neck, the way he protectively hovered over Alice. However, instead of being scared, she looked a little sad.

Esme then welcomed us into her home. However, the minute we stepped into the entryway, we froze in shock. The hum of electricity seemed almost loud to our ears and on top of that we could hear music playing faintly in the background.

"You have electricity?" Emmett gasped.

She looked at him warily, suddenly on her guard.

"I don't have very much fuel, just enough for one or two hours a day."

It was like she thought we were going to try to take it from her.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. I didn't mean to overreact. I just never expected to come across electricity again," Emmett said, more cautiously.

Esme relaxed at his words and we were able to have a semi-comfortable visit with her. We didn't stay long because we didn't want to overstay our welcome, but we promised Chris we would be back and welcomed Esme to visit our home.

Over the weeks that followed, Esme and Chris gradually became a part of our family.

Esme was very guarded at first, more prone to listen rather than speak. However, I think because of Chris she was willing to meld her life with ours.

It seemed like she bonded the most with Alice and Edward.

With Alice, it was clear that she felt a kindred spirit with her because of her pregnancy. We'd discovered that Chris wasn't her biological child, but I was pretty sure that Esme had been a mother. No one ever asked her because clearly her child was gone, but it was pretty obvious in the advice she gave Alice as well as the way she took care of Chris.

I think she was more comfortable with Edward because Chris was so attached to him. Whatever made Chris happy, made Esme happy. However, Edward was also just as comfortable around the two of them, which I envied. Edward had spent the majority of his family life with his mother and sister because his father was always working. I, on the other hand, had not had a great relationship with my mother. She was more like a friend than a mother. So the way Esme doted on Chris seemed foreign to me and I didn't know how to react to her mothering overtures towards us.

One day it ended up that it was only Alice and me that were spending the afternoon with Esme. Everyone else was checking the fence around the community. It was my day to do laundry and Alice wasn't feeling well, so Esme offered for Alice to stay at her home. Esme had graciously offered us the use of her washing machine when she realized that I was going to boil water that I got from the well and set about washing and air drying our clothes. I was hesitant at first because she was using up her precious fuel that powered the generator, but she scoffed at it. She said she could stretch it for a while.

After I had a load in the dryer, Esme turned to Alice who was lying on her couch and spoke, "Now, that the laundry is almost done, it's time for a soak in the bath for you."

Alice tried to protest, but Esme shushed her. "When I was pregnant, I lived in warm baths. It's a right you get, and you're not missing out on it." She winked, which caused a small smile to appear on Alice's face.

Alice's morning sickness never went away and as her belly grew, it was clear that she felt miserable most of the time. I couldn't imagine what would have happened to her if she were still living in the apartment where she'd been with Jasper. They'd been practically starving. I didn't think she'd have survived.

Once Alice was in the bath, it left only Esme and me. I felt at a loss for what to do once the laundry was in the dryer. As of yet, I didn't feel comfortable being idle in her home.

So, instead of just waiting for the boys and Rose to get back, I decided to make us all supper. While the power was on, I had the option to cook something. However, I was at a loss for what to make. I had a heck of a lot of vegetables and beef jerky, but I wanted a cooked meal. Sensing my uncertainty, Esme joined me in the kitchen.

"Why don't you make a stew? You have all the ingredients that you need and I have spices and beef broth," she said, searching her cupboards until she found them.

"I'm not sure I know how to make it," I said. "I used to make meals for Charlie all the time, but he wasn't a fan of mixing foods. He didn't even like his meat and vegetables to touch on his plate."

Esme smiled at that. "My father was a lot like that too, very set in his ways. What about your mom?"

"My parents divorced when I was young. My mom was never a big one for cooking. Really I was more of a mother than she was," I said, trying not to sound bitter. After a pause, I continued. "That's all in the past now."

Esme didn't say anything in response to that besides a gentle squeeze to my shoulder because there really wasn't anything she could say.

Together we went about making supper for everyone, expecting them to get back soon. With so many of them, perimeter watch wouldn't take very long.

By the time the stew was finished, Alice had joined us downstairs all pink and squeaky clean. A happy smile graced her face which was not something that had made an appearance much in the last few days.

After that afternoon with Esme, I felt more relaxed around her and actually enjoyed spending time alone with her. Being with her sometimes made me sad because I saw what I'd missed as a child. However, we all had to put our pasts behind us. This was our life now.

Esme was a pretty private person, so it took months for us to actually find out anything personal about her. One day when we were spending the afternoon with her, we learned about her love named Carlisle.

It had been an amazing day. Jasper had spent the last couple of days siphoning gas from cars in the community to help replenish the fuel for Esme's generator. In return, Esme insisted that we all benefit from it by having hot showers and a warm meal. The shower—I can't even describe it. The luxury of it. The heat and comfort. I made sure not to stay in too long and waste water, but to be able to wash and condition my hair, loufah my skin. All of it nearly brought me to tears.

Then, I could have kissed Esme when she handed me the pile of sheets hot from the dryer.

On his way to the shower, Edward murmured in my ear that we were going to roll in them naked that night. I blushed beet red at his words, but I couldn't imagine anything better than making out with him wrapped up in the scent and soft clean feeling that could only come from laundered bedding.

Esme noticed my blush and looked at us with one eyebrow raised, but didn't say anything. I felt almost like I'd been caught doing something by Charlie. It left a weird feeling in my stomach, both comforting and sad.

Afterwards, we sat around her living room in a lethargic state of complete relaxation. Edward and I were on the couch with Esme and Chris as she showed us a photo on her phone that still had a little battery life left of Carlisle My heart hurt for her as she lovingly traced his features. The chance that Carlisle was still alive was pretty slim. It had been over a year and there were so many things that could have happened to him.

I went to say something to her, but Chris who was wedged between the two of us grabbed the cellphone out of Esme's hand. When she tried to take it back from him, he chose that moment to have an epic tantrum, kicking and screaming so much that no one could calm him down. Eventually, Edward hoisted him over his shoulder and carried him out of the house. We could still hear him freaking out as he was carried down the street. It was rare that Chris had meltdown's like this, especially when there didn't seem to be anything that caused it.

About a half an hour later, they were back and Chris had resumed his calm but quiet demeanour which caused the rest of us to forget about the source of what upset him.

I was on perimeter watch with Edward one day when we heard something outside the wall. At first, I thought it was just more of the dead. There didn't ever seem to be an end to them. Some days it was only one or two clawing and moaning as they tried to get through the walls at us, but on other days there were groups of them that we'd need to get rid of. With enough of them pressing up against the wall, they'd pile up and the chance was always there that if there were enough of them they would be able to climb over the wall.

However, this time it wasn't the familiar sound of the dead, but I couldn't quite place it.

However, as the sound got louder, I was shocked that I recognized as voices. In a panic, I looked for Edward who was ahead of me. He was standing completely still near the wall, his head raised as he tried to understand the voices.

I rushed to his side and he automatically reached out and took my head, squeezing it almost painfully.

"We have to keep going," a man's voice panted.

"I can't run any more, Peter. And we can't just leave our things behind. What about our food?" a woman's voice asked. "We haven't seen them in a while. I don't think they're still following us."

"You don't know these people the way Eleazar and I do, Charlotte," the man said. "They're dangerous. They tried to slaughter everyone in our last camp because we wouldn't follow their rules."

Another man spoke at that point.

"We can't just leave Carmen behind. She's all alone in that building, Peter. It isn't right…"

"What can we do Eleazar? There are about a hundred zombies between us and her, not to mention James and his crew," the man named Peter responded.

Edward met my eyes and nodded towards the tree that overlooked the street.

I shook my head violently. It was too risky. If he were seen, they might try to take this place from us.

However, with a final squeeze of my hand, he quietly crept away from me and to the tree. Climbing skilfully, he buried himself in the foliage, so that whoever was on the street wouldn't be able to see him… I hoped.

Their voices sounded like they were right on the other side of the wall from me. They were so close that I could hear one of them men let out a sigh.

"We have to think of ourselves. I know it's horrible, Charlotte, but James is relentless. It was a fluke that we got away from him when we did. I was on his kill list the moment I refused to rob that family," Peter said and I could hear the fear audible in his voice.

Then, the other man spoke.

"Peter! look! Down that alley… Fucking zombies. Is there no end to the fuckers?"

"I'll take them out," another woman said. "There's not that many of them."

What followed were grunts and snarls as the people took out whatever dead that had been attracted by their noise.

I looked for Edward and saw him slipping down from the tree, so I rushed over to him.

Leaning into me, he whispered in my ear. We have to get back to the house. I know some of those people and so does Jasper," he said.

"No!"

"They're good people. Should we really turn away good people?"

"How do you know they're still good?"

"Shouldn't we figure that out? We accepted you, didn't we?"

"Fuck off, Edward."

The argument between Jasper and Edward had been going on for the last fifteen minutes as they debated about the people who'd been a part of Garrett's group a long time ago.

From the bits and pieces that I gathered from their argument, the group hadn't been a part of the inner circle of Garrett's group. They were just members of the camp who were seeking shelter and safety. Neither Edward nor Jasper had ever seen Eleazar, Peter, and Irina do anything wrong, unlike James and his people. They didn't know Charlotte, but it was clear that she was with Peter. When the Garrett's group broke apart, Edward and Jasper had helped these people escape.

I looked between the both of them. I was both terrified and angry. In a safer world I would have supported helping these people, but we weren't in a safe world anymore. It was too risky. They were strangers and not only were they strangers but they were being hunted by James.

"Why don't we do a little reconnaissance? We can spy on them for a while to see what kind of people they are now," Emmett suggested.

My heart started to pound in my chest at his words. We hadn't been over the walls for months and the thought of any of us leaving the safety we'd created for the unknown terrified me.

I looked at Edward and saw him nod with a look of determination on his face. I realized from that look that Edward had already made up his mind. It didn't matter what we said he was going to do it. He was always far too willing to put himself in danger.

Anger started to build inside of me as the conversation continued to unfold.

"It's all too fucking dangerous. At this moment, James doesn't know about us. Why tempt fate?" Jasper asked, incredulously.

Normally, I didn't agree with Jasper, but this time what he was saying was logical. He was thinking about our safety, not worrying about strangers who could put us at risk.

"Are we going to live out the remainder of our lives with just the eight of us? Shouldn't we be looking towards the future too? It's not just us we have to consider," Rosalie stated, looking at Alice's stomach and at Chris.

"It's not that black and white, Rose," I said, frustration making my voice sharper than I meant it to. "Just because we choose not to help "these" people doesn't mean we are giving up on the rest of humanity. They're being chased by James. I've never met the guy, but from what I've heard he isn't someone who we'd want to find out we have a safe little community here."

"I know all about James, Bella," Rose said, anger lacing her words. "I know what he can do and that is why I want to help these people. If they're good people, they don't deserve what will happen to them if James catches them."

"If we're going to do something about it, we have to do it quickly. We won't be able to track them if they get too far away," Edward said, running his hands through his hair.

"Let's take a vote," Esme said, speaking for the first time.

Looking around, I saw the others nod reluctantly.

"Okay. Everyone who thinks we should investigate these guys, raise your hand," Emmett said, raising his.

Rose raised her hand and so did Esme.

I felt like I wanted to cry and scream when Edward raised his hand too.

Jasper leaned back against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest.

That left Alice and me.

"I'm sorry everyone. I have to think about our baby. It's too big of a risk," Alice said.

I looked around at the rest of them who were now staring at me expectantly.

"What the hell does it matter what I vote? You've already decided to put us all at risk," I said, disgustedly.

Edward gave me a pained look.

"Bella…" he began.

"And let me guess who's going to volunteer to go?" I said, glaring at him.

"I know Peter and Charlotte, Bella. I have to-" he began, but I cut him off.

"No! You don't have to! You can all stay here and we can continue to live safely. The dead can't get in and no one knows we're here! What more do you want?!" I yelled.

"We're just going to check them out, Bella," Emmett tried to reason. "It doesn't mean we're automatically bringing them back with us."

"It doesn't matter what you intend to do. You're leaving the safety of the walls. You're going to search for people who are being hunted by your enemy. Not to mention all of the zombies that will be around that want to kill and eat you," I said, anger warring with my tears.

"Bella…" Edward said, stepping towards me.

"Don't touch me!" I shouted, tears clouding my vision. "Not unless you're going to tell me that you're staying."

When he froze at my words, I backed away. I couldn't be in the house anymore. I was feeling short of breath and my chest hurt because my heart was beating so hard. Turning, I stumbled out of the house and began walking down the street, taking in huge gulps of air.

"Bella! Wait!" Edward called out behind me, but I kept walking.

"Bella, come on…" he said, grabbing my shoulder firmly as I struggled to get away.

When he held on, I turned towards him.

"What is there to say? You're putting your life on the line for strangers. You're risking getting caught by James or the dead for people you barely know… You're leaving me, so that…" I choked, not able to continue.

"I'm not leaving you, Bella," he said, trying to turn my face towards his but I resisted.

"Come on, babe. Don't do this," he begged.

"Edward!" Emmett called from the house. "We gotta do this now! They're going to be too far away…"

"Give me a minute for fuck's sake!" he shouted back exasperatedly.

"Bella, I won't be gone long. I promise," he said, forcing me to meet his eyes.

I could see how much this was hurting him, but I couldn't help it. I had this terrible feeling that I wasn't going to see him again or I would and he wouldn't be Edward anymore. It was my worst nightmare.

"I'm going to lose you," I said.

"No, you're not," he said, cupping my face. "I'll be careful. I promise."

I shook my head, tears trickling down my cheeks.

"Please, Bella. Don't be angry with me," he begged.

I just looked at him, trying to memorize his features.

"Edward!" Emmett called out.

Edward looked behind him towards Emmett's voice but quickly turned back to me.

"I gotta go, babe. I'll be back soon. I promise," he said, leaning in to kiss me. However, I turned my face away. Anger and fear were overwhelming my reasoning.

With a sigh, Edward kissed my cheek.

"I love you, babe," he said, stepping away from me and turning towards the house.

He didn't get far before I chased after him.

Throwing my arms around him, I kissed him hard.

"I'm coming with you," I said, firmly.

"No..." Edward said, equally as serious.

"It's not up for discussion, Edward. If you're going, I'm going," I said.

"Bella. two of us can move quietly and quickly. Plus, I won't be able to concentrate if I'm worrying about protecting you."

"But-" I began, but he interrupted.

"I know it's not fair. I know you're going to worry. I would feel the same way," he said with a pained look on his face. "However, it's more dangerous for me to worry outside the wall than for you to worry inside of it."

I stared at him for a few minutes as he pleaded with me with his eyes.

"How long will you be gone?" I finally asked.

"Two days at most. We need to watch them for a while to get a feel for them," Edward said.

"I'm holding you to that. If you're not back in 48 hours, I'll assume the worst."

Edward finally nodded because I was sure that he could tell that it was the only way that I was going to let him go.

By this time, the rest of the group had joined us at the front gate.

Emmett handed Edward his pack and weapons. Jasper walked up to Edward and thrust what looked like a pistol into his hands.

"One of us will always be on look out. Fire the flare gun if you're in trouble," he said, gruffly.

Edward nodded and gripped Jasper's shoulder in thanks.

Then, cupping my face in his hands, he kissed me gently before finally slipping out of the gate with Emmett.

On Day 1 without Edward and Emmett, I paced the house and the community when I wasn't on look out. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep because my head was full of horrible nightmares. Rose and I barely spoke. She was angry at me for what I'd said the day before, but I couldn't bring myself to be sorry for it.

Day 2 was worse. My fear had now spread to the others. Rose spent a great deal of time on the roof, looking for any sign of the flare while Jasper obsessively monitored the perimeter. When Day 2 ended and there was still no sign of Emmett and Edward, Rosalie collapsed in despair while I felt strangely detached. It was like I was seeing everything that was happening, but I wasn't a part of it. I heard the chaos around me as my family tried to figure out what to do, but I couldn't follow what they were saying.

"I'll go…"

"No… Jasper… can't…"

"Maybe… give… more time…"

"…. No… flare…"

"Can't wait…"

"Bella… Bella?"

My heart had started pounding so hard that it was drowning out all the sounds around me. It was becoming hard to breath and the world was spinning. I reached out to grab something to keep my balance, but everything was too far away to grasp.

The last image I saw before everything went dark was Esme reaching for me.