Purgatory

Chapter 16 – Decisions

EJ turned and stormed out of the conference room when Craig's image disappeared from the screen. Entering the hallway she stopped, not sure what to do or where to go. Her whole body shook with anger at Craig's decision to let Gibbs languish in whatever hell-hole Rathburn had dumped him in. Her forehead pounded, the headache she had been holding at bay now breaking through. Not wanting to speak to anyone who would soon be following her, she turned and walked quickly down the hall, entering the women's restroom.

She closed the door, walked over to the counter and placed both hands on either side of the sink, bowing her head down, shaking it back and forth.

This just can't be happening. We've found him! We're so close! We need to go and get him. Sitting on my ass here is completely insane.

Tears started to flow down her cheeks. Standing up straight she began to wring her hands; kneading her fingers and rubbing her sweaty palms together as she stared at herself in the mirror. She could feel the dark ache of fear in the pit of her stomach.

He can't die! I won't let him die! Not again! I can't go through this again!

She heard the restroom door open and watched through the mirror as Bishop entered and stopped a few paces behind her.

"EJ, I'm sorry that ..."

He choked off his words as EJ whipped around and stepped up to him, pounding her hands against his chest, one after the other, over and over.

"You bastard!" she wailed. "You rat bastard. You stood in front of Craig and threw Gibbs under the bus." Her wails turned into sobs and her fists lost their force as she continued to pound on Bishop's chest in half-hearted anger.

He reached out and gently caught her wrists. She struggled weakly as he slowly pulled her to him, finally surrendering and melting into his chest, her sobs taking over.

"Gibbs is gonna die, Chris" she choked out her words as she pressed her face into his chest. "He's gonna die." She pulled her head back and looked up at him. "It will kill me too, Chris. I won't make it this time." She ducked her head back down and pressed it against his tear soaked shirt as her sobs slowly subsided.

"I know," he whispered. "EJ, I cut you off so Craig wouldn't get mad and force you off the case and call you back to DC."

"But there's not a damn thing we can do while we're stuck on the base," her voice was shaky, muffled by his shirt.

"I don't know what to do next about Gibbs," he said. "But we're all working on it, trust me."

Taking a deep breath she forced down the last of her sobs and steadied herself. Leaning back she looked up at him and nodded. "I know," she whispered. "Thanks."

Slowly she stepped back from his embrace, feeling his arms release her. "I need to be alone, Chris. I need to think."

"Sure," he nodded, a half frown on his face. "Let me know if you need anything. I'll be back in the base security office."

She returned a weak smile and nodded.

Bishop turned, walked to the door, opened it and stepped halfway through, then stopped and looked back at EJ.

She could see the look of concern on his face. "I'm OK, Chris. Really!" she said.

"I just worry about you," he said. "I don't want you to do anything …."

She cut him off abruptly. "I'm fine, Chris," her voice was tight, pressed out from between pursed lips.

He nodded, turned and walked out, the door closing behind him.

EJ turned back toward the mirror, wiping the wetness from her eyes and cheeks. Reaching up she pushed her hair out of her face, flipping it back behind her shoulders. She felt the sweat behind her neck and on her palms as she pulled her hair into a pony tail and wrapped a tie around it she pulled from her pocket.

She couldn't wait for Bishop, or anyone else, to act. The longer she did nothing the closer Gibbs was to death, that is, if he was still alive. No! She couldn't think like that, couldn't even consider Gibbs was dead. He was alive and time was critical. This was not her first rodeo and she knew how these situations worked. Action was imperative. She had to do something, anything, to upset the status quo if Gibbs had any chance of coming out of this alive. Her thoughts raced, scenario after scenario playing across her mind like alternate endings to a movie.

She could obey Craig's orders; sit tight and do nothing while Rathburn continued to torment Gibbs. But Gibbs probably didn't have long to live if Rathburn's original plan was to blow-up the missile transport vehicles tomorrow. Rathburn probably planed on killing Gibbs just before, or just after, his attack. At best, Gibbs had less than a day to live. Sitting here doing nothing meant Gibbs had no chance of survival.

She could defy the director and drive to Rathburn's farm by herself. Maybe she could sneak in, find Gibbs and get out before anyone was the wiser. But that was an unreasonable plan; a long shot against overwhelming odds, born out of desperation. But this was Gibbs' only chance as far as she could see. If she was successful – and if she survived - she'd lose her job and career at NCIS. She'd never work for another federal agency again. She scowled at the thought.

Screw NCIS, and every other piece-of-shit agency. I probably won't make it out alive anyway. If he's gonna live, we're gonna live together. And if he's gonna die, we're gonna die together.

She looked down at the badge clipped to her belt. Unhooking it she held it up and stared at it. She rubbed its face with her thumb, remembering how proud she felt when Director Morrow handed it to her after she had completed her oath of service, so long ago. She had met the commitments of her oath, more times than she could remember. But now it was time for her to meet her oath to Gibbs – Rule #1. That ruled applied as much to her as to him. And if meeting that oath to him meant giving up her badge, then so be it. It was no contest.

Her decision made, EJ looked back to her reflection in the mirror. She stood up straight, squared her blouse and jacket, wiped her face and set her jaw. She checked her Sig on her right hip, then the extra clip and handcuff case on her left. With her badge in hand she turned, setting her course for the security office.

Entering the office she saw Bishop and Cozort standing at one end of the conference table, deep in discussion. McGee, Andrews and Brogan were pouring over the map of the base laid out on the table, the two young MP's answering questions and pointing out details.

EJ walked over to Bishop and Cozort, cleared her throat and paused until the two men stopped talking. She hesitated, looking at the badge in her hand. The silence lasted long enough to catch the attention of the other five men who had been studying the base map. They all looked over at EJ.

"Special Agent Bishop," EJ said, the formality in her voice unmistakable.

Bishop looked confused, a frown on his face. He looked down at the badge in her hand. His confused expression turned to concern as he brought his gaze back to her face.

"As the Agent in Charge of this case," EJ continued, "I am notifying you of my resignation. Here is my badge. I will remove myself immediately from the premises. Good luck, Agent Bishop."

The room was deathly silent. The stunned looks on everyone's face were not lost on EJ; she knew she had just dropped one very big bomb on the group. She placed her badge on the table next to Bishop, turned and started walking to the door.

"EJ …," Bishop squeaked, but said nothing more as she walked out into the hall.

"EJ, wait!" McGee shouted as he ran after her down the hallway.

She stopped but didn't turn around. McGee came up behind her and stood, saying nothing. Several moments passed and finally he spoke. "Where are you going?"

She turned and looked up at him. She could see the panic and disbelief in his eyes. "Gonna go get Gibbs," she said, her voice hard, determined.

McGee looked down at the floor and slowly nodded his head in understanding. Looking back into her eyes he said, "EJ, I don't know what to do."

She could see the turmoil of emotions flashing across his face, the battle of loyalties raging inside him.

"Tim," there was compassion in her voice, "you need to do your duty. I'll be OK."

"But …," McGee started to protest. EJ cut him off.

"Tim, this is my decision," she said. "Gibbs is my responsibility now. You've got to be there for Bishop and his team. You've got to be there for NCIS."

McGee stood before her, eyes wide, mouth open but not speaking. EJ smiled and stepped toward him. Reaching up with her hand she cupped his cheek, then stood on her tip-toes and placed a kiss on his other cheek.

"You're the best, Tim. Tell everyone at home that I love them."

McGee swallowed hard. A chirp came from his throat, unable to speak. He nodded, his eyes never leaving hers.

He reached down and unholstered his Sig, extracting the magazine and handed it to her, then re-holstered his pistol. Reaching back to his hip he pulled out his spare magazine and handed it to her as well. She smiled and nodded her appreciation, pocketing the spare ammunition. Turning she walked down the hall and into the stairwell and out of sight.

McGee felt his world spinning. His partner had just quit – really quit. And she had just told him she was embarking on a suicide mission. He knew she was facing insurmountable odds, that her chances of survival were slim to none. But he also knew where her unquestioning commitment came from – saving Gibbs. The same Gibbs that had given him his big break at NCIS and brought him onto the MCRT. The same Gibbs that had mentored him and had confidence in him, even when he didn't have confidence in himself. The same Gibbs that had saved his life more than once.

In his mind the battle raged. He looked down at his shaking hands. He could feel the sweat under his collar as his body started to mirror the turmoil inside him. If he followed EJ he would be disobeying orders, neglecting his duty to his team and the agency. People might die if he didn't do his job. And his chances of coming out of this alive weren't good.

But if he let her go alone he wasn't sure how he could live with himself if she and Gibbs both perished at Rathburn's hands while he stayed in the relative safety of the base.

Panic started to cloud his thinking. He knew he needed to make a decision soon. EJ was only minutes away from driving off and, perhaps, never returning.

McGee turned and raced back to the security office, making a bee-line to his tablet computer. Bishop looked up as he rushed passed the group. "McGee?" he questioned.

"Not now, Chris. I gotta call Abby." He grabbed his tablet and ran back out into the hallway. Arriving at the men's restroom where he could have some privacy he checked his wireless connection. It was strong enough for a video chat, so he started his chat program and clicked on Abby Schuto's name. A few seconds later Abby's face appeared on his screen.

"Timmy!" Abby shouted excitedly. "Craig told us everything. Do you really think Gibbs is alive? Oh, God, I hope he's alive. Is there anything I can do to help? I'm not sure what I can do but maybe …,"

McGee cut her off, "Abbs, I do need your help." He could hear the fear in his voice coming through, more than he would have preferred.

Abby must have heard it too because her voice calmed, her attention was focused. "What's wrong? What do you need? What can I do, Tim?"

"EJ quit. She gave Bishop her badge and she's going after Gibbs, alone." He paused and bit his lower lip. "Abbs, I don't know what to do."

Abby's smiled had turned into a frown of concern. "You mean you don't know whether or not to go with her, right?" she asked.

"Yeah. I don't know what the right decision is. I don't want to lose my job. I don't want to neglect my responsibilities and put others at risk. But I don't want Gibbs and EJ to die either. God, Abbs. I'm really scared."

Abby looked thoughtful for a moment and then said, "Tim, WWGD?"

"Huh?" McGee looked confused.

She clarified, "WWGD. You know …, What Would Gibbs Do?"

McGee hesitated, thinking hard. Then his thoughts crystalized, zeroing-in on only one possibility. "The boss would come after me," he said.

"No matter what!" Abby said with confidence.

"Yeah, no matter what!" McGee echoed.

"Well, Timmy, what are you waiting for?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Abbs. I knew if I could talk to you I could figure this out."

"Timmy …," she said, her frown had deepened.

"Yeah, Abbs?"

"Be careful. We want all three of you back here."

"I'll do my best Abbs. EJ wanted me to tell everyone there that she loves them. I do, too. Abbs, would you tell everyone that for us?"

"Yeah, I will."

"I gotta go. I love you, Abbs."

"Love you too, Timmy."

McGee touched the end call button. He knew now what he had to do and he had no time to waste if he was going to catch up to EJ. He just hoped she hadn't left the base yet. He bolted out of the restroom, running down the hall to the security office.

He rushed up to Bishop and Cozort who were still talking and thrust his badge into Bishop's hand. Startled, Bishop looked down at the badge and then moaned, "McGee, what do you think you're doing."

"What I have to do, Chris."

He turned to exit the room then stopped and turned back toward the group. "I gave EJ all my ammo before she left. Can I …," before he had finished his sentence both Brogan and Andrews stepped up and each handed him their two pistol magazines.

"Thanks, guys," McGee said, shoving the clips into his pockets. Then he turned, running out the door.

McGee sped down the hallway, took the stairs two-at-a-time down to the main level. Crashing through the building doors he ran toward the parking lot. Looking frantically around he finally spied EJ standing next to their car, her hands on the roof, leaning into the car, obviously in deep thought.

As he ran up to her she turned toward him, clearly startled by his approach. "McGee, don't try and talk me out of this. I've made up my mind."

"Get in," he said. "I know where we're going. I'm driving."

A stunned look of surprise crossed her face.

McGee reached back and pulled out his Sig. Reaching into his pocked he pulled out one of the magazines Brogan and Andrews had given him and slapped it into his pistol. After putting it back in its holster he pulled out another one of the clips and put it into its holder on his belt. He looked up and saw EJ staring at his belt, or more precisely, staring at the place on his belt where his badge should have been.

"McGee …," she sighed, "What have you done?

"Give me the keys," he said, ignoring her question, his look grim.

"Tim, there's no going back for you … for either of us … once we go through this door!"

"I know."

She looked up at him, her face hesitant. "I'm scared," her voice was barely audible.

"Me too." He heard the faintest tremble in his own voice.

She nodded.

He drew in a deep breath, then let it out slowly. "I've got your back on this, EJ. Get in. Let's go get him back."

She handed him the keys while opening the door and sliding over to the passenger's side. McGee slid into the driver's seat and started the car. As he sped out of the parking lot he wondered if they would be alive or dead at the end of the day.

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