Soulmates. The person whose soul complemented yours perfectly. The person who understood your pains and flaws and loved you no matter what. Their words are inscribed permanently in ink somewhere on your body, as a reminder that you're not alone.
A person made just for you.
And to Sirius, that means a lot.
Sirius has figured out a certain pattern to it all, once the fated phrase is spoken. First comes the surprise. Once the realization fully kicks in, their entire face lights up and a bashful smile starts to tug their lips up. Both parties embarrassedly or excitedly swap numbers, with arrangements for coffee dates in the near future.
And no, Sirius doesn't watch too many sappy romcom movies. Not at all.
(Maybe a little.)
But when Sirius stumbles, quite literally, onto his soulmate, the encounter is nothing like he expected.
"Hey," he remembers saying, peering down at the man he almost tripped over. He's sitting on the curb of the sidewalk, looking rather pitiful. "What are you hiding? It's obvious you need to get something off your chest."
Hazel eyes meet brown. He remembers the vivid colour of those eyes the most. He remembers seeing the transition of emotions— the hope, the shock, the realization, the sprinting away…. wait.
Sirius stands like an idiot on the sidewalk as he watches his soulmate escape like the hounds of hell are chasing him. (And yes James, that was his soulmate, despite the fact that he hadn't said the phrase scrawled out on Sirius' wrist. Yet.)
...
Sirius flops in a puddle of self pity in James' living room after recounting his adventures of the day.
"Tough luck, man," James says, sounding entirely not sorry for Sirius. He purses his lips and mashes more buttons on the console. "Maybe it's not meant to be."
"Of course it's meant to be!" Sirius throws an arm over his face. "We're soulmates!"
"Don't be dramatic."
"I'll be dramatic if I want to be!"
The front door clicks open and soon enough, Lily is peering into the living room.
"Hey Sirius," she says, friendly. Sirius mumbles a hello and carefully slots another pillow in place in his small pillow fort. There's a short, puzzled pause.
"Why is Sirius moping on our floor?" He hears faintly.
"Don't mind him. He's just in a mood," James responds. "He got dumped by his soulmate. Supposedly."
"It was him, I know it! And I wasn't dumped!" Sirius insists. "He was just running late for an appointment probably."
James simply hums non-committedly. "So what did he look like then?"
"That," Sirius starts, "is a very good question."
"You— you don't know what he looks like?" Lily sputters. Beside her, James starts laughing so hard he doubles over, shaking. Meanwhile, his character dies in a shower of bullets. Serves him right.
"I was distracted!" Sirius defends. "I'll remember once I see him again, okay?"
"Okay," Lily says. Sirius doesn't need that kind of sass in his life, so he crawls into his pillow fort and barricades the entrance.
…
Two weeks pass, then a month, then a year. It's a small world my ass, he thinks bitterly. He hasn't so much caught another glimpse of his soulmate since they met that one time.
Maybe he was a tourist whose wallet got stolen. But then again, his clothes had looked a little ratty. A hitchhiker?
He thinks of him sometimes, usually on his darker days. His family hadn't wanted Sirius— that was fine, he didn't want them and their dirty racist values either. But his soulmate hadn't wanted Sirius either.
Why did he ever think otherwise?
...
As it's James' twentieth birthday soon, Sirius throws his all into planning the party. If nothing else, this event is going to be perfect.
The caterers are varied and delicious, the music is good, the mood is good, and best of all, the alcohol is superb. The guests that James' invited slowly start arriving and filling in the small apartment.
As the night goes on and people start passing out drunk on the carpet, Sirius finally relaxes long enough to have a shot or two, or three, or four. He drunk enough that he feels like floating, and he swevers almost gracefully around people. Then, he crashes into a figure hovering near the TV.
"Hey," he complains halfheartedly, even though it's 100% his fault.
"Oh, I'm so sorry," the person says meekly. "Are you alright?"
Sirius meets a concerned pair of brown eyes. Those eyes widen in surprise, whereas Sirius squints his eyes in thought. Being what he likes to call "completely and utterly trashed", it takes him a moment to wonder why those words sound so familiar. By the time he realizes, duh, it's his soulmate, his soulmate is hastily beating an exit for the second time.
Oh, hell no.
Now, Sirius is an athlete. His hand-eye coordination as well as general fitness and athleticism are great. Superb, even. That's absolutely why he finds himself nicking the edge of the couch while attempting to stagger after his soulmate and flopping uselessly onto the floor instead.
...
"Ten missed calls?" James asks, over the phone, the next day. "What's gotten into you? You never call."
"My soulmate was at that party!" Sirius whisper-shouts into the phone. "How do you know him? What's his name?"
"Sirius, there were a lot of people at that party yesterday I have literally no idea who you're talking about."
"He has brown eyes," Sirius says, helpfully.
"Oh thanks mate it's not like brown is a common eye colour or anything."
"Actually, wait. Hazel," he corrects. "They were hazel."
"A man with hazel eyes? What was he wearing?"
"Uh, like a knit cardigan or something? I remember it was kind of out of place, it was bizarre."
There's a short pause.
"I think," James says slowly, "I know who your soulmate is."
...
His name is Remus, James tells him, then makes him swear not to tell Remus that it was him.
"It was James wasn't it," Remus says with a kind of resigned air, when he finds Sirius waiting in front of his classroom.
Sirius opens his mouth, the shuts it again. He's at a loss for words for once in his life.
"Walk with me," Remus suggests. Sirius falls into place beside Remus as he walks towards his next class.
The silence between them is deafening. Sirius is a social type of guy. He just can't shut up. After enduring five minutes of it, he bursts.
"Look," Sirius says, "I don't know what you have against me. I don't know why you keep running away. If you're not interested— fine. But don't you think you at least owe me an explanation?"
Remus stares straight ahead chews on his lip absently.
Finally, he sighs. Remus stops walking entirely, and Sirius waits, expectantly.
"I'm sorry," is what he begins with, looking slightly apologetic. "I know, I've been horribly rude to you haven't I? But the thing is, I—"
Remus falters.
"I?" Sirius prompts, after a short pause.
"I don't want a soulmate," Remus says quietly, avoiding eye contact.
"Oh," Sirius says, quite normally he thinks. But his world has taken on a rather glass like quality, as if the easiest thing could shatter it. "I see. Well, that's okay. I— thank you for telling me. I'll stop chasing after you."
"I'm sorry," Remus says again, but what does he have to be sorry for? Sirius simply isn't desireable. It's something he had understood quite well since childhood.
Remus rubs his wrist, before sighing again. "I'm not— emotionally ready. I can't," he says helplessly.
Sirius nods slowly, an idea forming. "But, say. When you're ready, if you're ready, ever, at all. Would you want to try?"
Remus considers him with those brown eyes of his. "...Maybe," he says.
Sirius makes a decisions right then. "Then I'll wait for you. I'll wait until you're ready to try. I want to make this work."
Remus still looks worried, so he tacks in, "I won't follow you, I promise. I'll give you my number and you can do whatever you want with it. But I'll wait. You go on with your life, and I'll go on with mine."
He isn't sure what he's even saying right now. But there's a slight hope, and he's going to take it. Sirius rummages in his bag for a piece of paper and scribbles down his number. He holds it out to Remus.
Slowly, ever so slowly, Remus reaches out to take it, and pockets it.
"I have to get going now," Remus says, but he stands there instead just staring at Sirius. "My next class is soon."
Sirius nods, and gives a little wave. He stands there until Remus fades from view, because it might be the last time he sees him for a while.
But it's a start.