"I owe you an explanation," he continued. Viktor was observing him with those ever-intelligent aquamarine eyes. Yuuri sighed and lowered his gaze. Where to begin? "My family owns many bookstores. We used to only have one, but about twenty-five years ago business started booming." He paused and chewed on his lip for a moment.
"More people were becoming literate and earning higher wages, and suddenly the number of people wanting to buy books grew tremendously." Yuuri glanced at Viktor, who was paying close attention. He sighed and swallowed audibly. His throat felt dry, and his heartrate was still a little elevated from the experience he'd had.
Viktor suddenly tugged lightly on his sleeve. He sat down gracefully on a bench that was under an overhang (and therefore had no snow on it) and patted the seat next to him with a smile. Yuuri obliged, sinking down onto the cold wooden bench. As he kept speaking, he traced a finger over the intricate metal designs on the armrests.
"My grandfather was able to open up more stores to expand the business, and suddenly my family found themselves quite wealthy. My parents never really got used to it, so they still live in pretty much the same way they did before. They're modest people." He looked up at the bright, overcast sky.
"My aunt and uncle bought the town house, and they used to host parties all the time…" Yuuri had been young then, but he could still recall laughing, chattering, vibrant skirts, the clinking of silverware, and people towering over him with flushed faces. "But… it all became too much for them, from what I've gathered. They missed the way that things used to be. So they left a lot of their possessions and moved out."
Viktor nodded, and Yuuri carried on with his story. "They never sold the house. Years later, I…" He sighed yet again and pushed up his glasses. Even after the time that had passed, this was still a sore subject. "I moved here alone to run one of the bookstores, encouraged to do so by my father." Yuuri noticed that he was bouncing his leg, and promptly stopped.
"But I wasn't prepared for running a business, and I certainly don't possess a knack for it." Viktor shifted closer so that their arms were touching each other. Yuuri looked up to see him offering a comforting smile. "I was a fool to ever think that I could do it. The stress was terrible, and I nearly put that store out of business."
Yuuri's head sagged. He stared at his hands, which were resting limply on his knees. It was difficult to speak about, but it felt good to just talk to somebody about it. Especially with Viktor. Yuuri had kept all of this bottled up for well over a year, letting his sense of failure and self-hatred build up inside of him. It now flowed out like a river that had been dammed up.
Viktor placed a hand onto Yuuri's shoulder ever so caringly. It brought warmth to Yuuri's heart, and tears welled up in his eyes.
"I… resigned and withdrew into that house. I haven't found the courage to go and face my parents again after what I did."
Yuuri didn't have to work for the rest of his life from what the company generously sent him every month, but he still wanted to work. He just… hadn't been motivated to. He'd fallen into such a deep depression that it had taken all of his strength just to keep up with basic care to survive, and he hadn't even done that well. It was hard to get up and function when you didn't even want to be alive. He felt so terribly guilty, inadequate, and lazy all the same, which only strengthened his downward spiral.
"I'm a coward, Viktor." Yuuri buried his face in his hands. "I should have- I should have gone and confronted my mother and father or found a new job. One that I was at least alright at doing."
He felt Viktor shift his hand to his back tenderly. They stayed there for a while, just listening to the bustle of the city as people went about their business.
"I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you sooner," Yuuri said quietly. "I'm just so ashamed of my incompetence and what I did that it's difficult to talk about."
"I don't think of you any less," Viktor said. "You're still Yuuri." Yuuri lifted his line of sight and met Viktor's shimmering blue-green eyes and amiable smile. So beautiful and sweet. "You are kind and selfless. Without you, I'd be… You know."
"Thank you," Yuuri replied softly.
Viktor leaned in close all of a sudden, eyes bright. His breath was warm against Yuuri's cheek. Yuuri's heart tripped over itself. Viktor's face was so close, those perfect pink lips inches away. If he just dipped his head forward a little bit… Viktor delicately adjusted Yuuri's spectacles with a slender hand.
"They were crooked," he explained, moving back to how he was before.
"Oh, right." Yuuri blushed and everted his eyes. What on earth had he been thinking just then? Yuuri stood, and Viktor did the same. He picked up the package containing the books that he had set beside him.
"Let's go home," Yuuri said.
"Yes." Viktor smiled wide. They moved in the direction of the street corner to hail a cab.
Suddenly, Yuuri felt Viktor tense up beside him. He looked up to see him frozen in place, eyes wide.
"Viktor?" he asked, concerned. Viktor's face melted into masked sadness. "Are you alright?"
"Yes." He appeared visibly shaken. "I thought that I saw…" He was trembling.
"Who?" Yuuri prodded gently. He had a feeling in his belly already who it was, however.
"It was merely a fairy with green wings and brown hair. It wasn't him." Viktor's eyes were dull, and he was clearly crestfallen. He gave a tight-lipped smile. Yuuri offered him his arm, and Viktor accepted, transferring his books to one arm and clutching them securely to his chest.
"I'm so sorry." Yuuri's heart felt weighed down by lead. His poor Viktor. Here he was complaining even though he never had to worry about or endure the same things that his fairy did. All the carriage ride home, Viktor never let go of Yuuri, clinging to him as if he'd vanish if he let go.