Ben Solo's mind had been drifting. Flowing wherever the Force was willing. Seemingly without a clear direction or purpose. It had been this way since he had died. Suddenly he was conscious again, back on Kef Bir, in the mind of Kylo-Ren.
His emotional conflict with the scavenger had finally ended once he had shaken off the last of the bitter lies Snoke had twisted within him. He was ready to strike her down, arms raised above him when his mind was suddenly overtaken. "Ben." He heard the unmistakable voice of his mother. He turned to look and felt his hands go limp. Time stood still for a moment as he realized what was happening. His mother was giving all she had to reach out to him. Though not as strongly as he would have wished, he had felt her consciousness brush him and like a flash of lightning, he could finally see things as they truly were.
His mind raced, the truth in each twisted memory was clearer than he had imagined. It was almost as though he could tangibly feel the remaining darkness in him vanish, but what was left was far from empty as he was inclined to believe. The love and affection he had so craved from his mother filled every empty space. He felt her joy at his return, the hope she had always carried for this moment exploded around them, but just as quickly as he had felt her come, her touch to his mind floated away.
He was frozen in shock when he felt the saber pierce his abdomen. Rey had made the killing blow. They both froze as the Force rippled around them, and Leia's spirit faded to nothing. Perhaps this was a fitting end. He had failed, let himself grow into what his mother and uncle feared. A monster, manipulated and seduced by the Dark Side in a feeble attempt at reclaiming what he had thought was his destiny. He could see clearly now the mistakes he had made, and knew there was no way to atone for them. He was ready to die at the hands of the one who understood him best.
His body crumbled beneath him and he smacked into the hard metal of the wrecked ship. He couldn't even look at her, succumbing to the physical and emotional pain that overwhelmed him. To his surprise, she knelt down beside him, gasping for air. She knelt over him and placed her hands above his fresh wound. He felt her pull the Force around them and was shocked to feel the pain dissipate.
He gasped as the air filled his lungs again. She would never cease to amaze him. He had studied Force healing, among many other things, while he was a student of Luke's, but it was used sparingly and with small wounds. Bringing someone from the brink of death was said to require too much power and sacrifice, which only a Sith would use. But he didn't feel the pull of the Darkness through Rey. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Her mind was filled with determination, hope, and.. dare he even say, love?
Her relief flooded through their bond, and he dared to raise his head to look at her. They sat for a moment as she pulled away from him. His mind was ablaze in confusion, and he waited for her to speak. "I did want to take your hand." she said softly, eyes full of tears. "Ben's hand."
She stood up to leave and he made no effort to stop her. So much had happened in such a short time, there was no way for his mind to keep up with the dam of emotions that had been broken in his mind. He could feel the love and hope his mother had shown him echoed through Rey. He had been so ready to die he had no idea how to live with this new information.
Ben steadied his breath for a moment and called on the Force to ground his mind. Where once there had been such certainty, the illusion had been broken, and he along with it. He stood to take in his surroundings. Rey was gone, and he had felt the intent in her mind before they parted, she was planning on taking his ship, which meant he needed to work out a way to get off this damn planet.
He stood, staring out into the surprisingly calmed ocean. His mind desperately trying to make sense of everything. Snoke had done well, twisting his mind to believe the only way he would feel the love he had so desperately craved was to rid himself of the ones he needed it from most. His thoughts trickled back to his final moments with his father, who had sought him out and told him the truth about the manipulation. Ben had felt his spirit crumbling, and in an effort to step into what he believed his destiny was, he had taken his father's life. A feeble attempt grasping for control over his emotions that amplified the pain and misery he tried to destroy.
"Hey kid." he heard him say, as though the man from his memory was right behind him. Ben turned instinctively and saw the image of his father projected in front of him. "I miss you, son." Han spoke again, taking a tentative step towards him. Ben's mind recoiled. "Your son is dead." he spat instinctively but felt himself tremble at the words. Rey had as sure as killed him, and left him stranded.
"No." Han breathed and stepped closer. "Kylo-Ren is dead. My son is alive" he said determinedly. Ben felt as though he was standing back on Starkiller Base. The epic pull of the Dark and Light side ripping him apart. "You're just a memory." he said to himself. He had made his choice long ago.
"Your memory." Han said, and Ben could see the love and hope he felt from his mother echoed in his father's face. "Come home." he said gently. Just as he had before. Ben shook his head. "It's too late." he said bitterly. All of his choices had led him to this point. There was no going back. He had made his bed and he would lie in it. There was nothing to go back to. "She's gone." he said and heard his voice waver.
Han nodded knowingly. "Your mother is gone, but what she stood for, what she fought for, that's not gone." he said and paused. Suddenly Ben felt as though he finally understood. This was the Force giving him a second chance. He could never undo what he had done, but he was free to make his choice. His voice echoed his memory aloud. "I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it." he said, and felt his father's hand on his face as it had been before. Love, trust, and assurance spread through him and Han gave a small smile. "You do."
Ben gripped the lightsaber in his hand, the last thing of him that held onto the Dark Side. His father's killing blow. He would not make the same mistake twice. "Dad.." he began. There was so much that needed to be said, atonement to be made, Ben didn't even know where to begin. He felt a sob well up in his throat as Han gave another crooked smile. "I know."
Everything in that moment came crashing down. The choice remade. Ben turned and threw the saber into the wreckage. The last of the Sith would be buried here under the waves. His body lightened with the release, he let go of the pain he carried and felt himself become whole again. There was no pull to either side, he felt balanced. He turned back to face his father but found himself alone on the wreckage. A familiar tug through the Force was enough to center him. No, he wasn't alone, and he needed to save her.