Arthur must have fallen asleep at some point in the night. So when he woke up to a cold bed, he jumped into a sitting position, afraid that Merlin's return had been nothing but a dream. One that had come too frequently to him while he had been missing.
"Merlin?" He asked.
"Look at that, you got up early." Merlin said, coming round from the table, smiling warmly once more.
Arthur looked at the table, where Merlin had set up breakfast for them.
"You didn't have to get up early, I can get someone else to serve us." Arthur said, taking Merlin's hand, looking at him in detail. He still looked tired. "You need to rest." He said.
"I'm fine." Merlin said, his hands placed on Arthur's shoulders and in a couple of smooth movements, he was straddling him on the bed. "Let me show you."
Arthur felt his face heat up. Merlin had never been this brazen.
"Merlin, wait."
"I missed you so much…" Merlin said, leaning down to kiss him, making Arthur's heart skip with happiness. But it was quick to go away when he remembered the night before.
"Merlin, stop." Arthur said, between the kisses that Merlin kept placing on him. "Merlin, no!" Arthur grabbed his arms and held him in place.
"Sorry… I just… I was so afraid… I was just so happy to be back." Merlin said, covering his face. It was such a swing from when he was trying to seduce him that Arthur felt a nasty feeling that Merlin was trying to make him feel worse than he was already feeling.
"You're safe now Merlin…" Arthur whispered and brought him into his arms, hugging him as Merlin sobbed against him, surprisingly with no feeling of wetness on his shoulder. "Let's get you to Gaius, I want him to make sure that you're well."
"Shouldn't we have breakfast first?" Merlin asked.
"No, I need him to check you over now." Arthur said.
oOoOoOo
Merlin cursed under his breath as Arthur dismissed the poisoned breakfast he'd prepared. But he had to bear with it. He let his guard down last night and stopped himself from killing Arthur but he wouldn't be fooled again.
When Arthur turned to look at him, he forced a smile and came close to help dress him.
Arthur led him by the hand to Gaius' chamber where he allowed the physician to check him over.
"I said I'm fine, Gaius." Merlin smiled. He could see Morgana's nervous stance in the corner, sitting next to Arthur, as if guarding him.
"Your friends Lancelot and Gwaine said you burned that place down with magic." Gaius pointed out.
"I… got a bit emotional when I was saved. I lost control, but I'm in full control now." Merlin said calmly.
Gaius frowned. "What do you remember about the last number of weeks?" He asked.
Merlin couldn't keep the smile in place and looked away. He could hear the screams in his ears.
His mother dying a painful death.
The screams of every magic user he failed to save. Every one of the executions he was forced to witness and do nothing about.
His father dying.
Kilgharrah dying.
Mordred being his enemy.
Morgana hating him.
Gaius being ashamed of him.
Arthur saying hateful things.
Merlin frowned in confusion and his head began to hurt.
"Merlin?" Arthur reached for him.
"Don't!" Merlin snapped, stepping back until he was up against the wall, covering his face. What was the truth? Was this a dream? Another vision?
"And you know who's to blame for your suffering, don't you?" Morgause's voice echoed in his head and Merlin stood very still.
This was all Arthur's fault. He lowered his hands and took a deep breath. He looked at them tired. He wanted to rip that man down to shreds for pretending to look concerned. But what else could he say? What could he do to kill him?
"I'm sorry… I'm not feeling well." Merlin whispered. "Morgause gave me a potion… it had me in and out of feverish nightmares." He lied. He accepted Arthur's help to sit down.
"You do look quite pale." Gaius said and Merlin looked up to see Arthur's concern.
"Is there anything you can do, Gaius? Anything." Arthur asked. How could Arthur fake such concern? He was never particularly good at pretending. Gaius looked at him intently and Merlin reminded himself that the foolish old man couldn't read minds.
"I remember… a white flower." Merlin said. Gaius looked at him even more intently and Merlin had to look away.
"If you could identify it, perhaps I could prepare a potion to help you recover." Gaius said.
"Do it, no matter how rare, we'll find it." Arthur said. Merlin resisted the urge to smirk.
He patiently pretended to look for the flower and when he found it, he looked up at Arthur. "Never mind, I'll just sleep it off." Merlin said, closing the book. Arthur stopped him from getting up and opened the book back to the page Merlin had last turned to.
"The Olerium flower. But it's only known to grow in Essetir." Gaius said.
"I'll tell Leon to prepare." Arthur said. Merlin felt a malicious sort of delight in the pit of his stomach.
"Arthur no," Morgana said. "Morgause is in Essetir, King Cenred is preparing armies as we speak to take over Camelot, what makes you think you can just wander into the kingdom to find the flower?" She demanded.
"Morgana is right, Arthur. You can't risk that for me." Merlin said.
Arthur's determination shone in his eyes and Merlin knew he'd won.
oOoOoOo
By midday, Morgana looked at Merlin with suspicion from her window, while Arthur prepared to go get that damned flower himself. Much reminiscent of that time Merlin was poisoned.
Leon ran after Arthur, trying to convince him to let him go instead. His council ran behind also, at a slower pace as they were mostly old men. And yet, his husband, who's done everything for Arthur since the day they met, stayed silent, accepting that Arthur was going to Essetir.
"Something's different about Emrys." Mordred said softly beside her.
"I know, I've noticed." She said softly. "I have to talk to Arthur. I can't let him just walk into this trap."
She found him in the armoury, choosing which crossbow to take.
"Arthur!" Morgana called and Arthur sighed as he saw her. God, he irritated her to the core. With such masterful skill at irritation Morgana wondered why she never before suspected that they were brother and sister. "You are not going." She said.
"Oh, and here I thought I was the king of Camelot." Arthur said.
"Yes, well, I didn't surrender my claim to you just so you can go and get yourself killed." She said.
He had the nerve to roll his eyes at her words and she resisted the urge to throttle him.
"Merlin wouldn't let you do this if he was in his right mind. If you go to Essetir, Cendred's men will kill you. Why are you doing this?" She insisted. Arthur took a deep breath.
"I have to help Merlin. All of this is my fault! I bound his magic. I was the one who put him through all this suffering! And all he's ever done is protect Camelot! Protect me!" Arthur insisted.
"Then I'll go, Morgause won't hurt me, she's my sister." Morgana insisted.
"You're my sister!"
"You sound like a child, Arthur!"
Arthur shook his head, refusing to hear what she was saying. "No, I've already lost father, I am not losing you too." He grabbed the weapon closest to him and stormed for the door.
"Then you know exactly how I'm feeling." Morgana said and Arthur stopped. Morgana felt hopeful that he would listen to her for once.
"Morgana… Without Merlin… The world doesn't make sense to me. When I'm without Merlin it's as if half of me is missing. I can't do nothing. Because that would be too much like being back under father and Morgause's control."
Morgana stared at him, wanting to argue, but there was nothing she could say against Arthur's words. So, as Arthur walked out the door, Morgana grabbed a sword and went after him.
"In that case I'm coming with you." She said.
Arthur took a deep breath and turned to her. "No Morgana, I need you here. I want you to take charge while I'm gone." He said.
Morgana stepped back. "Me? No one would listen to me." She said.
"Yes, they would." Arthur said and placed his hand on her shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I've let Leon and the council know that you're in control until I return. If anyone should disobey your order, Leon will report back to me."
"You trust me?" She asked mockingly. He chuckled.
"There's no one I trust more." He said.
"Then don't leave. You can't go to Essetir… we don't know what Morgause is fully capable of." She said.
"Sire? My lady? If I may?" Both siblings turned to look at Gaius, who stood there with a book under his arm and Lancelot to his other side. "Perhaps there may be another explanation on what happened while Merlin was held captive."
oOoOoOo
Merlin looked at the sun as it crept across the sky. Where was Arthur? It never takes him this long to get his things together. He should have gone with him but he was pretending to be weak and tired.
To top it all off, Gwaine was sitting nearby, prattling about some tavern brawl or other that he couldn't care one bit about.
If he didn't know any better… he'd think Gwaine was trying to distract him.
Merlin tensed and stood up, his eyes glowing and his vision flew down the narrow corridors, down the dark spiral staircases, turned left, flew past the guards and knights changing the guard and finding them there.
Arthur and Morgana talking with Gaius and Lancelot. Arthur was looking at Gaius explanation of something Lancelot said with abject horror.
"Merlin?" Gwaine asked, grabbing his shoulder and bringing Merlin back to the courtyard. Merlin shook him off and glared.
"I'm going to find Arthur." He said. He stormed toward the armory. He had to hear what they were saying.