Rey swore silently to herself when she knew she was waking up. It was a familiar feeling. She had dreaded the morning when she lived alone on Jakku, almost as much as she hated the night. So many mornings had begun the same way lately, especially after she had felt the energy sucked out of any reserve she held when she encountered these places of power. She shifted in the soft bed before her mind finally caught up to the most recent events.
Rey sat up quickly and noted the empty bed next to her, but started when she felt his intrigue of her sudden movements through their bond. She turned and looked to the end of the bed where Ben sat meditating. His eyes remained closed, face blank, but Rey noted the slight smirk tugging at his features.
She tossed a pillow from the messy bed at him which he deflected with the slightest move from his finger. She had his full attention now, dark eyes meeting hers. She had grown so familiar to seeing the anger and sadness in them. The lightness he carried now in his steady gaze was almost intoxicating.
Neither one moved, lost in their own worlds. There was so much to be said, neither wanted to be the first to spoil the moment. Mixed feelings flowed freely between their minds, regrets and uncertainty, longing and insecurity. Rey could sense he had been meditating on some of those difficult emotions, but he held much of it back from her. She decided it was best not to push the subject.
"How do you feel?" His baritone voice broke the silence after a few moments. Rey took a deep breath, feeling her muscles groan at the movement. "I've been worse." She replied simply, moving herself to the end of the bed so she was next to him. He looked up as she cupped the side of his face, giving a look of concern. "How are you?" she said gently. Ben leaned his face into her hand, closing his eyes for a moment and sighing. She could feel him weigh his options before deciding what to tell her. "It has been much harder than I thought it was going to be." he said quietly.
"How did you get back? I'm not certain I had any control over the stone. I had honestly planned on taking it back here with me to figure out what to do next. I watched it absorb some of the Force energy when we absorbed that trap and then you were there. What was it like for you?" She questioned, her mind going back to the memory of his sudden appearance.
He shifted so his body faced hers and exhaled slowly. "I'm not sure. The more time passes the more it seems like wherever I was was just a dream. I remember.." He stopped and a peculiar look came over his face, almost in mock disbelief. "I think it met the Force." he looked up at her wide eyes.
"I can't even really explain it." He stumbled, remembering his encounter with the glowing orb. "It appeared to me just like you had said." He looked off almost in a trance at the memory. Rey slid off of the bed and moved to sit beside him, taking his hand gently in hers. "Show me?" She whispered, unsure if he would be willing to share with her. He eyed her for a moment apprehensively before taking her other hand and bowing his head.
Rey watched as the vision of the orb and Ben filled her head. She listened as Harmaa spoke to him about the memories he had re-lived. He had barely shared them with her on the few occasions that she saw him, and she had accepted that they were some of the most personal and emotional memories he had, so she hadn't wanted to pry.
Rey watched as the orb showed Ben her death. She could sense his discomfort then and now at watching the memory and squeezed his hands in gentle reassurance. His memory shifted as the images faded and Harmaa's voice echoed to them.
Much of the galaxy is scarred from the Sith, who have only chosen destruction and corruption to rise to power. The Jedi let this evil fester instead of bringing healing, fighting violence with violence, and denying their fear for the Dark Side, which only led to their end.
She felt Ben's emotions fluctuate as he contemplated his past choices, seeing the deep-rooted flaws in both sides of the Force.
You must be able to forgive yourself if you are to return. Without it, your self-loathing would be used to further punish yourself. Forgiveness is the only way for you to have the humility needed to purge the Darkness.
Rey stopped. Suddenly it made sense. She had been absorbing and using Force energy this whole time, good and evil. Purging each side's influence over the power. If she had been able to get by on her own, what would her and Ben be capable of doing together?
She opened her eyes to find Ben watching her, his mind following her thoughts closely. She shrugged. "It would explain how I've been able to absorb the energy. Even how I was able to use it to come find you. That must have been how I activated the stone." She shook her head. "I'm almost glad they trapped us then, I'm not sure I would have been able to do anything on my own." She watched as Ben nodded along.
"This is it Ben. This is what Harmaa was saying all along. You and I are a dyad because we were meant to do this. Think of the peace we could bring to the galaxy." He looked at her wordlessly. She sensed him shield his thoughts so she pulled away from him. "What?" She questioned. His face was unreadable, a skill she was certain he had perfected from his time in the First Order.
She let go of his hands and sat back to examine him. He sat silently for a moment before his mouth opened and he let out a sigh. "I'm not sure I can ever forgive myself." His eyes were glued to the floor. "That was the last thing it told me. That I had to forgive myself, and I thought that maybe I had.. when I came back, but coming back to see you with.. Her." He choked for a moment and Rey sensed his guilt at the memory of the past he held with Jarda. "She reminds me of everything I did wrong. Then I just get angry and I feel like I can't control myself."
Rey thought back to how she had found him meditating this morning. He nodded for a moment. "I was trying to hide it so you wouldn't sense it when you woke." He said numbly. Rey knew there wasn't much she could do to help him. "It's going to take time, Ben. You're going to have to forgive yourself again and again, and accept that there may be some people who won't." She thought of Doj's quiet rage when he saw Ben.
"I don't know how to do this Rey. It was one thing with my father and another with you, I don't want to go around apologizing and proving myself to everyone and everything." Rey felt the tug of shame and insecurity again, but they both knew that was exactly what he was going to have to do, for a long while if they had any hope of having some normalcy. He was only stalling and reverting back to old bad habits.
"I can't promise it will be easy." Rey said softly as she drew closer to him again and placed her hands on his arms. "But if you'll let me help, you won't ever have to do it alone." She felt him soften and let his forehead come to rest on hers. His fear floated through the Force around them, Rey tried to send back comforting thoughts and emotions. Ben leaned to brush his lips to hers softly before pulling away. "Thank you." He whispered, and didn't wait for a response before he pulled her close to him, mouths entangling with gentle, curious kisses.
Rey felt herself give in immediately as she entwined her fingers through his soft, shaggy hair. His hands trailed, one down to her waist to pull her close, the other holding her jaw and neck. Rey felt the kisses deepen with desperation before Ben slowed to catch his breath. "You will never know how much I need you." He whispered breathlessly in her ear, arms encircling her small frame. Rey smiled to herself and gave a small laugh, "If it's anywhere close to how much I need you, then I might have an idea."
He gave a mock groan and pulled back to place a hand back on her face. "It seems like you've been doing just fine without me." He stroked her cheek softly. "I've been getting by. I had some motivation." She threw him a coy smile.
She sighed happily as she rested her head under his chin and curled up on his lap. She gave a small laugh as she relaxed in his arms. "What?" He murmured into her hair with a contented smile. Rey moved so her face was inches from his. "Doesn't it just feel so.. Right?" She tried to shield the rising feeling of doubt, that she was the only one who felt it. His face changed back to the boyish grin she had seen so rarely.
He moved to rest his forehead on hers and took a deep breath. "I knew, from the first moment I saw you. That was it. I didn't know how, and a few times there I thought I lost you.." He placed a gentle kiss before pulling away slowly to meet her gaze. "I'm just sorry it took so long to get here."
But we are here she whispered to him, feeling him smile as her fingers intertwined in his hair and she gently pulled him back towards her. They lost themselves in each other, savoring the sweetness of each kiss. Everything they had gone through had only made this moment more meaningful. Each tender touch and caress meant more than any words they could have said.
Rey let her arms trail down to feel his strong, broad shoulder muscles as his hands moved to her waist. Every move was slow and intentional as their minds joined together, each sensation and emotion doubling over. Suddenly they broke apart as they felt the rippling sensation of a disturbance followed by a shrill yell.