The journey back to Ajan Kloss proved to be longer than Rey had expected. Ben explained that his knowledge of the First Order would be best utilized for finding what he referred to as, back-door routes, to try and lose anyone or anything that may try to follow them. Rey and Ben had both tried to heal Jarda's burns to no avail. They had assessed that while she was stable, the wounds were sure to become infected soon without treatment.
Rey passed time by practicing defense techniques with an old stun droid she'd found lying around. Her blue saber deflected the shots with ease. She removed her mask and stretched her aching hands out. Ben had sat down at the Sabacc table looking over any and all information he could get on the current dealings of the galaxy. "You should probably have your own by now." He looked up at her and then down to her hands. "It will feel a lot better."
Rey's brows furrowed. "I have one." She held the saber up. She felt Ben resist the urge to roll his eyes. "Yes you have one. But it isn't yours. Every Jedi and Sith find their own kyber crystals and design a personalized hilt so that it fits perfectly." She could sense his memories go back to the forging of his own blade, once with Luke, and again later as Kylo Ren.
She dropped her hands. "I know. I made one, almost. I left it half finished with the Resistance. I have no idea if it's still there." She paused and looked down at the weapon in her hand before walking over to offer it to him. Though it wasn't the exact hilt from Anakin's saber, the crystal and as much of the hilt Rey could salvage had been put back together.
Ben eyed her wearily and didn't reach out to take it. Rey pushed it towards him. "Technically, this was your grandfather's. You should have it." Ben's eyes only lowered to the floor. Rey could sense his distress, though his actual feelings seemed clouded. "At least tell me how it feels." she gestured again, forcing him to take it. He sighed in defeat and stood to ignite the saber. Rey noted how odd it was to see his features shadowed by the blue glow.
He walked over to start the droid again and expertly swung around the small space. Unsurprisingly, he deflected every shot. Rey couldn't help but watch him with newfound admiration. He had been thoroughly trained, technique and precision in every thrust. This was the first time she had ever gotten to really watch him. She couldn't help as her eyes swept over his body. She didn't have the time to really watch him before. Always on the opposite side, fighting him herself or occupied fighting others. His muscles flexed with each move, hair whipping around his face. He stopped abruptly and shot her a curious look, the sides of his mouth pinched as he hid a smile.
"I can't really concentrate with you thinking that loudly." He teased as he walked over to her, a curious glimmer behind his eyes. Rey felt her cheeks redden as she realised her error but smiled shyly back at him. "To be fair, the few times I've seen you fight I've been severely occupied myself." She said, remembering their intense duels. "Had I not been so concerned about killing you I may have had more time to appreciate your form." She gave him a sly smile as he chuckled at her.
He moved to stand in front of her and reached to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "I always enjoyed those." He said. Rey scoffed and looked down in disbelief, but she knew full well how he had enjoyed them. It was more apparent their first few fights after their bond started and she realized she was able to sense his emotions. Even through his anger, he remained curious and surprised by her.
He had never tried to mask those feelings from her, either. For as much as had happened between them, the strikingly hostile emotions they had both had for each other after Crait, and on Kef Bir, after Rey had fought with everything she had, they could still sense it in each other. Attraction.
"I can help you. We can find your own crystal and forge your own." He offered, dark eyes piercing hers as he waited for her response. She looked back at him in shock. "You know where to go?" she questioned with an excited gleam in her eyes. "Of course." Ben answered. "We can go after we dump those guys off." He turned to motion to the back of the ship. The moment was lost as Rey sighed. "We aren't going to dump them off, Ben."
"Why?" He turned back to her, she felt anxiety flicker in him again. Rey sucked in a deep breath. Apparently it was time they had this conversation. "Well first because I want to be sure Jarda is okay since whatever happened is because of us. Second, she asked if she could come with me to train to become balanced and I said yes."
She watched his knuckles grow white as she spoke. His mouth pursed and twitched as the irritation grew in his chest. "You did what?" He shook his head and ran his hand down his face. "You can't take on a Padawan Rey, you have no training, everything you do is instinct. If you can't even explain how you do things, how the hell are you supposed to teach someone?"
Rey recoiled defensively from him. He wasn't completely wrong, but she couldn't shake the feeling of him speaking down to her. It sounded close to the demanding tone Kylo used with his guards.
He opened his mouth to speak again but she cut him off. "I didn't take a Padawan. She wanted to come learn what she could because as I'm sure you remember, she didn't want to become a Knight or a Jedi. Aside from that, I'd consider her a friend, which is something we don't have a lot of right now if you haven't noticed. Particularly considering that I've been doing most of this alone." She stopped to catch her breath, her pulse pounded in her ears.
She could sense the realization hit him with her final word. It was her darkest fear, one of the first things he had sensed in her when he interrogated her. Rey steeled for a moment, trying to relax enough to find the words she needed.
"If you truly want to make this work you need to learn how to communicate with me. Especially when you're upset. I won't tolerate being spoken down to like I'm your subordinate. " She looked away from him and studied the blinking lights on the equipment. She could feel Ben's anger fully subdue and guilt creep in. He took a deep, shaky breath. "You're right. I'm sorry." He gulped and stared and the wall behind her. "It's just.. she hasn't told you everything."
She looked back at him. He looked calm and collected despite the storm of emotions he was hiding. "Then tell me." She responded simply. He placed his hand to his neck nervously. "Jarda left Luke's school with me because we were… together." Rey watched him settle into the booth.
She thought back to the bitterness in Doj's voice earlier. "It wasn't really official. Luke would have never allowed it, it was against the Jedi code. When we left, we ended up going very separate ways after I joined Snoke. She did well for a while, that's when she met Doj. I got possessive, jealous, I was the one that told Snoke about Doj, that's why he became her sacrifice."
Rey sighed and rubbed her head absentmindedly. She was confused how she missed this before, or why Jarda had left it out of her story. "The last time I saw her before they escaped, she told me off. Not unlike how you just did." He gave a bitter laugh. "She was my only friend, and I ruined it. She told me I would waste my life in pursuit of power. Said I'd end up alone, dead, or both, and I believed her, for a very long time." He looked back up at Rey. She knew what he was leaving unsaid.
He took a tentative step towards her and shakily took her hand. Rey turned to look at him. His brows furrowed and his lips trembled slightly as he tried to hide his oncoming tears. She could feel the intense fear he held centered in his mind. "I don't want to screw this up. I never want you to think I'm talking down to you. You are in every way greater than I am. I promise to do better, to be better. I'm just sorry if sometimes you have to call me out first."
Rey softened as she felt his feelings melt into her mind. "I know that coming back doesn't undo my mistakes, and I have a lot to learn." He reached his other arm to pull her chin towards his face so their eyes locked. He gave a small chuckle in embarrassment. "Will you teach me too then?"
A smile tugged at her lips and she gave him a tight smile. "You're right though. I don't know how to teach anyone anything. So how about this. No more talk of padawans or teachers or masters. What I'd really love is to figure this out, together." She gave his hand a squeeze and he nodded to her before leaning in to give her a gentle kiss.