A/N: Drama, drama, drama. Hello! I am so sorry for the long wait again, but the school's finally over so I should find some time to write. I'm sure a nice review would motivate me to get the next chapter done quicker :) I feel like it's time to start wrapping up this story, but I don't know yet. Thank you all so much for reading. Knowing that someone out there likes my works is very important to me. Like I know this story is not very good, but seeing how many people read it makes my day :) So thank you once more.
Enjoy and let me know what you think!
Kurt kept checking his cell-phone every five minutes in hopes of receiving a phone call from his boyfriend. They hadn't talked properly since Friday and it was already Thursday. Short text messages from Blaine were nowhere near enough and it had been almost a day since Kurt sent the last one and there was still no response from the hazel-eyed boy. Something was definitely wrong and Kurt was going crazy without knowing what that was and how to help Blaine get through it.
But in spite of himself Kurt had to patiently sit and wait for Blaine to come up to him and open up. Meanwhile Kurt had to keep going as if everything was fine. Warblers' rehearsals started revolving around Sebastian's regained confidence and ability to control his emotions as despite everybody's opinions, the green-eyed boy was dead set on singing a lead on Regionals. Luckily, Wes was having none of it since everything was almost ready and a sudden change would likely destroy everything.
Both Nick and Jeff seemed to know that something was up with their roommate as they always tried to do something to cheer him up or take his mind off things. Kurt was really grateful for that, but nothing could make him not worry about Blaine. The hazel-eyed boy had been through so much and the mere thought of him having to face another obstacle was enough to make Kurt want to hide him somewhere to keep him safe. But Kurt had no idea why Blaine didn't want his support.
Rachel, Mercedes and even Finn kept calling him, but Kurt wasn't in the mood to talk to any of them. He just wanted to talk to Blaine, hug him, wipe away his tears and promise that everything was going to be alright. Because of the lack of information, Kurt's mind kept being cluttered with the worst ideas as to what was going on with Blaine. What if there was something wrong with Blaine's baby? What if there was something wrong with Blaine? What if it was something even beyond Kurt's imagination?
Kurt shook his head leaning his back against the desk chair. He let out a breath and looked down at the blank paper lying on the desk. He was supposed to be writing an essay for history, but he didn't have the heart to do it. He looked over at the cell phone, about to check it once more, but it suddenly went off. A hopeful smile appeared on Kurt's face as he leaned forward, hovering over the phone. The smile immediately disappeared when Kurt saw that it was his dad calling him instead of Blaine. He didn't really want to talk to him, but he would feel guilty for ignoring his father, since they had so little time to spend together.
Kurt picked up the phone and was about to hit the accept call button when he heard the soft knocking. The brunette rolled his eyes suspecting that it was Wes standing on the other side of the door, wanting to give him some singing or dancing advice. Knowing that the Asian boy would stay there until Kurt eventually opened the door, Kurt declined the call and stood up from the chair heading for the door.
But when he opened it, ready to bitch about his day to Wes, Kurt was met with a pair of wide open honey-colored eyes. Blaine was standing there with his arms wrapped around his body looking as if he hadn't slept properly in a few days. His clothes were wrinkled, his curls were loose and he had dark circles under his eyes. The blue-eyed boy decided to ignore all of that for the time being and surged forward wrapping his arms around Blaine's body and hugging him tightly, but gently. The dark-haired boy seemed to melt in his arms as he rested his chin on Kurt's shoulder and let out a long breath.
"I'm sorry for not calling you." Blaine finally whispered still clinging to Kurt.
Kurt pulled away, so that he could look into Blaine's eyes, but the other boy kept avoiding his gaze. "It doesn't matter." He said even though it wasn't exactly true. Of course Kurt was more than a little hurt by the lack of Blaine in his life recently, but in that moment Kurt needed to know what was going on with Blaine so that he could help him in any way he could. "Just please tell me what's wrong."
Blaine sighed once again looking even more tired and miserable than before if that was even possible. "Kurt…I need to tell you something." Blaine said and his eyes widened slightly, as if the words coming out of his mouth were surprising for him. They entered the dorm room and Kurt closed the door watching as Blaine heavily sat down on his bed and looked out of the window. Kurt walked over to the bed and sat down beside him immediately taking Blaine's hand into his. It was unbelievably cold. When he lifted up his gaze to look at Blaine, Kurt noticed a mixture of fear and uncertainty in his honey-colored eyes which made a cold shiver run down his spine. His palms were sweating and Kurt was afraid of what it all was supposed to mean.
"Is…is something wrong with the baby?" Kurt asked shakily hoping that it was anything but this.
Blaine shook his head. "No, the baby's fine. The doctor said that I should gain more weight and avoid stress, but apart from that everything's fine." Kurt slowly nodded his head waiting for Blaine to say something else. "It's a boy." He added in a whisper still not looking at Kurt.
Kurt wanted to start kissing every inch of Blaine's face from happiness, but the defeated look written all over his face was keeping Kurt from doing so. "I can see that something's bothering you, Blaine. Will you please tell me what it is? Because not knowing anything is driving me crazy." Kurt said, being sick of dancing around the subject like that. He just wanted Blaine to tell him everything, so that they could move forward.
Finally, Blaine turned his golden eyes to Kurt and started speaking slowly. "I messed up, Kurt and I have no excuse." He paused for a moment looking down at his feet and once again avoiding Kurt's gaze. "After the appointment I was so overjoyed that I was carrying a boy that I…that I kissed Sebastian." The dark-haired boy closed his eyes as if afraid of seeing Kurt's reacting.
Kurt's eyes were glued to Blaine as his mind was slowly processing the words. His whole body went cold and his heart started beating faster. He couldn't understand why the other boy would do something like that to him, to them. It was so unexpected that Kurt didn't know how he should react. Anger and hurt were racing through his vines and his hands were shaking. But for some reason he wasn't able to externalize these feelings. He just kept staring at Blaine in hopes that the younger boy would tell him that it's all a joke.
But when Blaine looked back up at him with tears shining in his honey-colored eyes Kurt knew that he was serious. "Ever since we got together and even before I've been told that there is no way that our relationship is going to work out." Kurt said, not quite able to believe that he was capable of remaining so calm and composed. He should be yelling at the top of his lungs at Blaine, but for some reason he couldn't force himself to do that. "I've been told that this is your way of getting over Sebastian or that you would quickly get back together with him."
Kurt wrapped his arms around himself and chuckled darkly looking down at the carpet below his feet. "And yet I would always say that they don't know that there is something really special between us and that I'm much more than a rebound for you." Looking around the relatively small space Kurt felt as if he was trapped in this room with Blaine. "It seems to me that I should have listened to all of those people who apparently know you way better than I do."
"It's not like that, Kurt." Blaine rushed to say covering one of Kurt's hands with his own. The blue-eyed boy immediately jerked away freeing his hand from the suddenly unwelcome touch. Skin to skin contact with Blaine would always made him feel cared, safe and just simply happy, but right now it was burning his skin. "I don't want to break up with you. I lo-"
"Please, don't say that." Kurt cut him off. "I don't want to hear these words for the first time like this."
"You're not a rebound, Kurt." Blaine said instead. "You have no idea how important you are to me. That kiss was a mistake and it won't happen again."
Kurt was silent for a moment studying Blaine's face. "Don't you get it, Blaine? You don't know what you want. You can't decide if you want to be with your perfect boyfriend that you have known for years or a skittish boy who can't face his demons on his own and needs a hero to save him. Thank you for being my hero, Blaine, but it seems that a hero is what you should have been all along. Nothing more than that."
Blaine opened his mouth as if wanting to say something, but then his whole face went pale and he covered his mouth with this hand. Then he abruptly stood up and ran to the bathroom. Kurt could hear perfectly well what was going on in there, but he couldn't bring himself to go after Blaine.
When a couple of minutes later Blaine reappeared he looked horrible. His skin was still pale and there was sweat dripping from his forehead. He leaned against the wall looking at Kurt with tired eyes as if ready to give up. "I need to be alone." Kurt finally said, fighting off the urge to look into Blaine's amber eyes. He knew that the boy was sorry, but he had trouble understanding what exactly he was sorry for. Kurt had a feeling that Blaine didn't know that either.
Blaine stood like that for a moment just staring at the older boy. "Is this the end of us?" But Kurt didn't want to answer that question, so he just stayed silent turning his eyes away from Blaine. The hazel-eyed boy nodded his head, as if ready to give up and if Kurt were looking at him he would see bright tears start rolling down his cheeks and his eyes full of sorrow and regret. After a brief moment of deafening silence Blaine finally left the dorm room closing the door behind him with a quiet click. Only then Kurt felt the tears start gathering in his eyes. He ran his hands through his hair and a broken sob escaped his lips. Of course then his cell phone had to start ringing again. It was his dad. He ignored it once more and lied down in his bed crying silently.
How could he have been so foolish to think that someone as amazing as Blaine would stick around for good? Maybe Sebastian wasn't a saint, but he obviously was still so incredibly awesome that Blaine wanted him. The hazel-eyed boy claimed that the kiss had been a stupid mistake, but Kurt knew better than that. As much as it painted him to admit that it was probably for the better. Blaine needed to be away from Kurt to see that he truly wanted only Sebastian and Kurt had been just a short break from his life-long happiness.
"What the hell I am talking about?" Kurt whispered to himself wiping away the tears. He was so angry and hurt that he wasn't thinking straight, but he knew that most of these thoughts were ridiculous. Maybe Blaine was telling the truth and he had no intention in getting back together with Sebastian, but he was obviously confused and didn't know what he wanted. And as much as Kurt's whole being longed for Blaine, he realized that he didn't exactly know what he wanted either. Blaine was amazing, but being with him meant that Kurt was always going to feel uncertain for as long as Sebastian was in the picture. And seeing as Sebastian was the other father of Blaine's baby he was going to remain in his life for good.
Was Kurt ready to accept this? He had thought that the answer was yes, but after this unfortunate incident he just didn't know anymore. Kurt wanted to trust Blaine with his life, but after today something had been damaged and fixing it was going to be hard if not impossible. How was he supposed to know that Blaine wouldn't get lost in Sebastian's eyes again? How could he know that Blaine's actions weren't influenced by the hormones? Was anything between them even real?
He shook his head trying to clear his mind and avoid getting lost in the dark thoughts again. When his breath evened out and the tears dried off, he realized how tired he was after the emotional rollercoaster. He felt numb after worrying about Blaine for some many days and then finding out about the harsh reality.
Kurt turned to his side and wrapped his arms around a pillow pretending that it was Blaine that he was holding. They needed a break from each other and then they would definitely know what they wanted. Or at least he hoped so, because he couldn't stand not knowing if he was together with Blaine or not. Kurt was aware of the fact that one phone call would make Blaine come back, but he didn't want that just yet. He needed his space and he knew that Blaine needed it as well.
Still gripping the pillow tightly Kurt closed his eyes in hopes of falling asleep and forgetting about everything. But then his cell phone started ringing once again. Kurt grabbed the device from the bedside table and confirmed his suspicions that it was his father calling him. This time the blue-eyed boy knew that he had to answer. Judging from the frequency of Burt's calls it had to be something important. He just hoped that it wasn't anything bad.
Kurt clicked the accept call button and held the phone close to his ear. "Hi, dad." He said trying not to sound like he just had been through a mental breakdown.
"Come home. Now. We need to talk." Burt said harshly.
"What? Why? What's wrong?" He asked not understanding what was going on. "Is something wrong?"
"Just come home." His father repeated coldly.
"But it's Thursday. I'm coming home tomorrow. Can't it wait until then?" Kurt asked hopefully, not really in the mood for making a two hours ride.
"No, it can't. I expect you to be here in two hours." Before Kurt had a chance to ask again what it was all about his dad ended the call. The blue-eyed boy sat up on his bed and put the cell phone back down on the bedside table wondering what it all meant. At least he was certain that it wasn't anything about his dad's heart. It couldn't get worse from that, right?
Regretfully Kurt stood up and went into the bathroom to do something about his appearance. When he walked into the room his face cringed as a faint smell of vomit entered his nostrils. A picture of pale Blaine leaning against the wall, weak and exhausted from throwing up came into Kurt's mind and he immediately felt guilty. He knew that he had every right to be mad at Blaine, but he probably should have been more gentle with him, since he couldn't stress out so much.
He quickly combed his hair and washed his face before changing into his regular clothes. Then he grabbed his car keys and excited the dorm room, happy that neither Nick nor Jeff were around, so that he didn't have to explain to them anything. He would probably start crying again if he had to recall his conversation with Blaine.
Kurt walked through the crowded corridors saying hi to some of his classmates, but ignoring most of them. He excited the school building and walked down the path into the parking lot, growing more and more uncertain with each step. When he pulled his car out of the parking lot and into the road, he did his best to drive safely, but his mind kept being bugged with assumptions as to what was about to happen once he was at home with his father. Maybe he didn't have enough money to keep him at Dalton? He quickly dismissed this thought. His father wouldn't sound angry, but sad. There was just one possible explanation. Kurt had screwed up in some way and Burt knew about this. But what could that possibly be?
A cold shiver ran down his spine as he realized that it could have something to do with Sebastian or Zack. He still remembered Wes' warnings that if Blaine's ex-boyfriend wanted he could easily destroy him and his family. Sebastian wouldn't do something like that knowing that Blaine would hate him for making Kurt's life miserable, right? Well, maybe Sebastian wouldn't, but Zack didn't care about anything other than being in the center of everyone's attention, so he could have done something, but Kurt had no idea what that could possibly be.
All too soon Kurt noticed the sign informing all the drivers that they were in Lima now. The blue-eyed boy didn't really know how he was supposed to feel upon coming back to his hometown. Despite people's hatred and harsh words it still was his home and coming back felt like a warm blanked being wrapped around his shoulders. It felt nice and warm. Among all the stone-hearted bullies there were people that loved him after all.
A few minutes later Kurt found himself driving along his street. His heartbeat skipped as he parked the Navigator in front of his house. The building looked impeccable as usual, but Kurt really didn't want to go there and find out what it was all about, but it certainly couldn't be good and it was freaking him out. Kurt slowly excited the vehicle and started hesitantly walking towards the house.
He stood in front of the door for what seemed like eternity wondering if he really wanted to know what his father wanted to talk to him about. Finally he lifted up his hand to try the handle, but before he had a chance to, the door swung open revealing a pale looking Finn. The tall boy looked as if he felt guilty for something. Kurt quirked his eyebrows in confusion and opened his mouth to ask what the hell was going on, but Finn was quicker.
"I am so sorry, Kurt." Finn said. "I really didn't mean to…I just thought that you had already told them."
"What the hell are you talking about, Finn?" Kurt asked hoping to get an useful information out of his step brother.
"Is it Kurt?"
A cold shiver ran down Kurt's spine as he heard his father's anger-filled voice. Finn let out a sigh and ducked his head looking defeated. "I'm sorry." He said one more time shooting Kurt an apologetic look. "Please don't hate me."
And with that he turned around and walked away from him leaving Kurt even more confused. The blue-eyed boy stood in front of the open door for a moment trying to make sense of this whole situation. He slowly entered the house and closed the door behind him. "Hi, dad." Kurt said noticing Burt standing in the doorframe. "Would you mind explaining to me what is going on now?" He asked growing more and more frustrated with every passing second. "And what does it have to do with Finn?"
"Let's sit down." Burt said and gestured for his son to enter the kitchen. Kurt walked past him looking at his father's face and searching for some clue that would lead him to the answer, but he couldn't find anything. Burt's blue eyes were cold and impenetrable. He sat down at the kitchen table, not even bothering to make himself a tea or coffee, even though he could really use some caffeine in his system.
Burt sat down opposite him and studied Kurt's face for a couple of seconds. "Would you like to tell me something, Kurt?" Burt asked calmly crossing his arms over his chest.
Kurt ran his hand through his hair and wrapped his arms around his middle. "I don't think I understand." He said. "Dad, I'm begging you, just tell me what is going on."
"Finn told me yesterday some interesting news about your boyfriend. Do you have any clue as to what it could be?" Burt asked, remaining calm.
Kurt took a moment to really think about it. He had no idea what thing about Blaine could make his father so angry. The fact that he used to have a boyfriend before Kurt? No, it couldn't be. But then he realized what major secret they had been keeping from Burt for the last couple of weeks. But how could Finn know about it? "You…" Kurt began, but he didn't know how to finish. He stayed silent with his eyes wide open while his father kept waiting for him. "You know that Blaine…" Kurt trailed off not wanting to spill Blaine's secret in case it was about something else.
"Yes, I know that Blaine's pregnant." Burt said and the mask of calmness flew away exposing an angry spark in his eyes. "What the hell were you thinking not telling me about something like that? Don't you think that me, as your father, should know that my son's boyfriend is pregnant witch someone else's child?"
"I'm sorry, dad, but it's not like that." Kurt rushed to explain not wanting his father to get the wrong idea. "I really wanted to tell you, but I couldn't do it against Blaine's will. He was a little scared to tell you, because he didn't want you to think that he's…unworthy of me." Kurt said awkwardly not really knowing how to put it in a way that his father would understand.
"Are you out of your mind, Kurt?" Burt asked harshly. "Do you know what you are getting yourself into? It's not that…I mean I don't think that Blaine is a bad kid or anything, but do you really think that being involved in a relationship with someone like him might actually be a good idea?" Burt paused for a moment. He took off his baseball cap, placed it on the table in front of him and Kurt watched as his eyes softened. Burt sighed and looked at his son with eyes full of sympathy and understanding. "Listen, kid. I'm not saying that you caring about him is necessary a bad thing, but you need to understand that you don't have to be Blaine's boyfriend to be there for him."
"Dad, do you really think that I'm with Blaine just because he's in a bad place?" Kurt asked, not really able to comprehend that his father really thought that he would be able to be with someone out of pity.
"I am your father, Kurt. And I know you." Burt said softly. "You have a heart made of gold and you've got it after your mother. I am so proud that you're such a good and compassionate person, but you can't make your life all about other people. You need to keep in mind that you can't do things against yourself unless you want to get yourself hurt."
"Dad, please." Kurt said running both of his hands through his hair and then resting his elbows on the table. "I am so sick of people telling me that dating Blaine is wrong." He didn't want to mention that he didn't exactly know where their relationship stood in that moment or that he had doubts about them as well. "Why can't you just get that being with Blaine has nothing to do with his situation? I...I had been in love with him long before we started dating for that matter."
"Kurt, let's say that I believe that what you're saying is true." Kurt immediately grimaced rolling his eyes, but Burt continued to speak calmly. "You can't seriously think that something like this is going to work. Having a baby changes everything. It changes the way you function and the way you see the world. Things that seem important now will suddenly become an unwanted burden."
"Blaine's not like that." Kurt said, but then he realized that he didn't know anything. But he didn't want to think about this now. He had more important things to focus on. Like proving to his dad that Kurt knew what he was doing. "I…I don't know what future might look like for us and that's why I prefer to focus on the present. We're still young, right? Isn't it the time to make mistakes and learn from them?" Kurt asked, not wanting to add his father to the pile of things that he had to deal with in order to stay sane.
Burt sighed one more time and rubbed his bald head before looking back at Kurt with something that could only be described as pity. "Kurt…I won't force you to leave him. I believe that you can make your own decisions, but just…be careful, okay?"
"Everyone has been saying that to me lately." Kurt said bitterly.
"It's because people care about you, Kurt and we don't want to do things that you will regret later on."
"Dad…"
"Don't except me to just be cool with everything. It's not that easy, Kurt." Burt said, looking older and older with each passing second of this conversation. "I don't want you to suffer through unnecessary pain. I'm trying to protect you."
Kurt raised his head feeling tired and frustrated. "From what? Protect me from what, dad?"
"From yourself." Burt said softly.
"I am not a mentally unstable person!" Kurt said raising from his seat abruptly. "So please don't treat me as such!"
Before Burt had a chance to say anything Kurt left the kitchen and exited the house ignoring his father calling his name more than one time. Only when he was already sitting in his car with his face in his hands Kurt realized that he shouldn't have been so defensive. He knew that Burt only wanted his happiness and it wasn't his fault that he didn't understand.
But saying that Kurt's relationship with Blaine was perfect would be a misunderstanding of the century. They both certainly cared deeply about each other, but after the kiss Kurt had doubts. He knew that there was a lot of pressure on Blaine and he didn't want that special bond between them to disappear, but they needed to talk some things out and figure out where they were headed.
With a sigh Kurt left the car and walked back into the house. He found his father sitting in exactly the same position. "I'm sorry, dad." Kurt said sitting back down. He rested his hands on the table and focused his gaze on them. "I know that you just don't want anything bad to happen to me, but I want you to trust me to make my own decisions." He finally looked up at his father who seemed to be even more tired than before.
"You really care about that boy, don't you?" Burt questioned.
"Yeah…" Kurt said failing to find more adequate words to express his feelings for Blaine. "I know that we will come across many difficulties, but I don't want to think about that now. I want to focus on the present."
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry too." Burt said holding his hands up in surrender. "I just hope that you know what you're doing."
Kurt opened his mouth to say that of course he knew what he was doing, but he quickly reminded himself that he really didn't. So he just smiled sadly instead and changed the subject wanting to spend some time with his father while he was there.
After an hour or so Kurt said goodbye to his father and was about to leave the house, but right as his was standing by the front door, about to open it, he hesitated. He needed to know how the hell Finn knew about Blaine's pregnancy. So he turned around and walked up the stairs, towards Finn's bedroom. He knocked against the door hearing the muffled sounds of some shooting game being played by his step-brother. Not waiting for Finn to invite him in Kurt pushed the door open and looked inside.
As predicted the taller boy was sitting by his computer desk and typing furiously on his keyboard. When the door scrunched Finn looked over his shoulder. As soon as he noticed that it was Kurt standing in his room his whole face saddened and his eyes filled with guilt. "Kurt." He said and paused the game. Then he stood up from the chair and approached slowly his brother. "You have no idea how sorry I am. I really didn't mean to tell him anything! It just kinda…happened."
Kurt really wanted to yell at his step-brother for making his life just a little more difficult, but after such an eventful day, he didn't have any strength left to fight. Besides he knew that Finn generally had good intentions. "It's fine." Kurt said. "My dad had to find out eventually." He said shrugging his shoulders. "Maybe it's actually good that he already knows." He paused. "But how did you find out that Blaine's pregnant?"
"He told all of us before leaving McKinley." Finn said, looking now more confused than usual. "You didn't know about this?"
"Wait, what?" Kurt asked, feeling as if he had just been hit by a truck. "Blaine has left McKinley?"
"Yeah." Finn said nodding his head.
"Oh, God." Kurt said realizing that Blaine hadn't told him anything because of the kiss. "Why does fucking Sebastian have to always destroy everything?!" He asked angrily, not wanting to concentrate all of his anger on Blaine anymore.
"What does Sebastian have to do with anything?" Finn said raising his eyebrows in confusion.
"Ugh, it's complicated. I don't really want to talk about this right now, okay? I'm too tired to deal with this now." He paused to gather his thoughts. As much as he loved Finn he didn't really want to discuss any of it with him. "We're just going through some stuff right now."
Finn nodded his, still looking hella confused. "If you need to talk to someone you can always count on me, dude."
"Yeah, thanks, Finn." Kurt said doing his best to smile. He said good-bye to him and finally left the house not caring that it was pretty late and he should probably stay at home to get some decent sleep. He hadn't been sleeping well recently and after such an emotional day it was catching up with him.
Driving in that state was probably very dangerous, but somehow he managed to get to Dalton in one piece. While entering the building he was scolded for being out after the curfew. He didn't really care that much about it, so he just said that he was sorry and slowly made his way through the corridors and staircases. Once he found himself in front of the door to his dorm, Kurt carefully opened the door keeping in mind that it was almost midnight and Nick and Jeff were probably already asleep.
He wasn't wrong. Both of them were tucked under the covers in their beds and Nick was even snoring softly. Silently Kurt made his way over to the bathroom and washed his face before changing into his pajamas. At this point he wasn't feeling any emotions regarding Blaine or anyone else. He was just numb. He excited the bathroom, curled up into a ball, closed his eyes and was swept away into darkness.
The next two days were spend on avoiding thinking about Blaine and everything related to him. It wasn't because Kurt was so mad at him, but because he had come to a conclusion that they both needed space and not thinking about Blaine was a part of this amazing plan. Of course it was easier said than done.
Kurt decided to spend the weekend at Dalton to spend have some alone time. He was hoping to visit the library and find some interesting book for himself to read and later maybe watch a movie on his laptop or go to the common room to watch some stupid reality show with students remaining at Dalton.
But of course his plans were verified by the harsh reality in form of a certain blond boy. The boy was also staying at Dalton and he would not leave Kurt alone. Of course he knew that something was up, so he kept asking about it. "I haven't seen you talk about Blaine for days. We are just worried. Both me and Nick."
Kurt rolled his eyes and put away the book that he had been trying to read for the last thirty minutes. The library was unusually quite safe only for Jeff's questions. Kurt looked over at the brown-eyed boy not really knowing if he wanted to tell him everything or not. The blonde was sitting on the armchair with his legs propped up on a table. Usually this kind of behavior was unacceptable, but since there was no one in the library to watch over them the dirt from his shoes could land wherever he pleased.
Jeff looked genuinely curious and concerned. Maybe he wouldn't actually make Kurt feel like there was nothing to fight for. He could always find the bright side in nearly anything, so maybe he would be able to bring Kurt up instead of criticizing his choices all the time. "Okay." Kurt started looking down at the abandoned book. "The day before yesterday Blaine came over." He paused, not really sure if he was ready to say out loud these words for the first time. "And he told me that…" He could feel the tears threatening to fall, but he was determined to keep them in. "That he kissed Sebastian." He could hear a gasp coming out of Jeff, but he kept his eyes focused on the book. Maybe he should have continued to read after all. "He said that he didn't mean it and that it was a mistake, but I…I just don't know anymore."
"Oh, wow." Jeff said and Kurt finally lifted up his gaze to meet his eyes. The blond boy looked shocked. "I wasn't expecting that at all."
"Trust me, me neither." Kurt said chuckling darkly.
"Are you…still together?" Jeff asked.
"I don't really know." Kurt said honestly. "I mean I want to believe Blaine, but I am not really sure that he knows what he's doing at the moment. I'm going to give him some space and see how it all plays out for us."
"That's probably the best idea you could come up with." Jeff said. "I know that you mean a lot to Blaine and he might be lost at the moment, but his intentions are pure."
"I know that, Jeff." The blue-eyed boy said. "The thing is that I want to be with him, I really do, but I don't want to be tossed around. I don't want to be the second, worse option. If Sebastian is what's gonna make Blaine happy, then I just have to leave them alone."
Jeff immediately started shaking his head. "You know damn well that it's not like that. Blaine's crazy about you and Sebastian's just good at manipulating people. Don't let him get into your head."
"Maybe you're right." Kurt said.
"Of course I'm right." The blond boy said with a grin. "Now let's do something fun. You can't spend here all day and mop around."
"There is nothing to do in here." Kurt said not knowing what possibly could make him forget about this whole mess of a situation.
"Do you want to go to the movies?" Jeff asked hopefully. "Because every time we go with Nick we end up watching some action-packed bullshit with no sense whatsoever."
"I don't really know if I'm in the mood for going out." Kurt said playing with his fingers mindlessly.
Jeff rolled his brown eyes standing up from the armchair. "Don't be like this, Kurt. You need to go out. It's gonna be awesome. You'll see."
"Ugh, okay. If you say so." Kurt agreed at last, not wanting to stay at Dalton completely alone.
After seeing one of the most recent comedies with one of his roommates Kurt finally felt better. He was nowhere near happy, but at least he didn't have the desire to be separated from the rest of the world anymore. He spent the rest of the Saturday and Sunday with Jeff and surprisingly it wasn't that bad.
Every now and then he would look at his cell phone and check if there was a text message from Blaine, but the shorter boy never attempted to contact him which was both upsetting and comforting. When Monday came Kurt let himself be drawn back into the whirl of schoolwork and rehearsals. The date of Regionals was creeping at them, so they had to work as hard as they could in order to beat the New Directions. Kurt still wasn't sure if it was really what he wanted, but he was now a part of the Warblers, so he needed to do everything in his power to help them win.
As Kurt walked through the corridors, towards the common room he was actually eager to start the practice and do some physical exercise. Having to dance and sing at the same time while trying not to piss Wes off would help him ignore the ache in his heart.
He entered the room and as soon as he saw Wes he realized that the Asian boy knew about everything. His face was sad and he looked as if he was disappointed and mad at the same time. The blue-eyed boy stopped dead in his tracks not knowing what to do. When the older boy locked eyes with him, Kurt's suspicions were confirmed. Wes was looking at him with pity and silent determination.
Kurt was aware of the fact that Wes wasn't a big fan of him, so he knew that the conversation that they were surely going to have was not going to be pleasant. Instead of confronting him then and there Wes raised from his seat on the sofa and moved to the middle of the room to start the practice. Kurt stood in the doorframe for a couple of minutes listening to Wes' motivation speech before joining other boys.
Among them was Sebastian Smythe which reminded Kurt that the green-eyed boy was now back in the team. A cold shiver ran down his spine and his heart skipped a beat when Sebastian turned his head to the side and looked directly at him. Kurt let his gaze travel to his lips picturing those very lips plastered to the boy that was his whole world. He mentally punched himself for doing that and looked away not wanting the image of the two of them kissing to stay in his mind forever.
He could feel the rage building back up as he thought that because of Sebastian his relationship was now something that he wasn't sure about. Deep down he knew that it was also Blaine's fault, but he didn't want to project all of his anger at him anymore.
During the practice Wes acted as insane as usual which gave Kurt hope that they wouldn't have to talk after all. Kurt did his best not to drag his attention to himself and worked twice as hard to make sure the every move was done perfectly. He was basically swimming in his own sweat by the end of the rehearsal.
Sebastian kept looking at him from time to time, but his eyes were still completely devoid of emotions and Kurt didn't know what to make out of it. When the practice ended Kurt quickly gathered his things and was ready to leave the room, but of course it wasn't that easy. "Kurt, wait up!" Kurt closed his eyes sighing. Other students kept walking past him and occasionally bumping into his body. It was Wes. Of course it was him.
The countertenor reopened his eyes and slowly turned around. Nick and Jeff just walked past him shooting him sympathetic looks. When they were gone the room was empty except for Wes leaning casually against the wall with his hands shoved deep into his pocket. No, he didn't look casual. For some reason he always looked way uptight for a regular teenager and today was no exception. "I want to talk to you for a moment if you don't mind."
"Yeah, sure." Kurt said taking a few steps forward. He wanted to sit down, but Wes was still leaning against the wall with no intention of sitting down anytime soon. "What do you want to talk about then?" He asked wanting to get it over with as soon as he could.
"Listen, Kurt. I know what happened between Blaine and Sebastian." Wes said slowly and carefully as if talking to a small child. "Both you and Blaine are probably heartbroken now." Kurt rolled his eyes crossing his arms over his chest. Of course they were. Why would they not? "And I know that Blaine thinks that you two are destined to be together or something like that, but he really doesn't know what he's feeling right now and I think you should just let him be."
Kurt had been on the edge of either falling apart or exploding for a couple of days now, and Wes' suggestion was like crossing a line between sanity and complete craziness. It was almost funny how much he wanted to destroy their relationship. "I've been trying to tolerate your behavior for the last weeks, but enough is enough." Kurt said taking a few steps forward. Wes' face remained a mask of calmness and indifference. "I know you are Blaine's best friend and I'm sure he appreciates you caring about him so much, bur for God's sake don't tell us what to do!"
Wes sighed giving Kurt once again a look that said that the Asian boy was so much more mature than Kurt and Blaine combined and he had every right to scold them like little kids and tell them how to live their lives. "Kurt, think about this for a moment. Don't you see that Sebastian has changed for the better?" He sighed. "I know that you still have doubts about him…I do too, but it's not about my happiness…or yours for that matter." He paused and his eyes finally showed some emotions. "It's all about Blaine. I don't want his life to be even more complicated than it already is."
Kurt opened his mouth to say something harsh and possibly hurting, but he couldn't find any words. Wasn't it what he wanted for Blaine as well? Didn't he wish for him to be happy? But the hazel-eyed boy kept saying that Kurt was what made him happy. "Wes, with all due respect, I think…no, I know that you are wrong. I can see that Sebastian is a better person, at least I hope so, but it doesn't mean that he is what will make Blaine happy. We are all different people than we were a few months ago. This whole thing has changed us and Blaine is a part of the change. I'm sorry, Wes, but no matter how much you want to make this situation better you're only making it worse."
Wes was silent for a long moment, obviously not knowing what to say to that. "I don't know." Was all that escaped his lips. "I've known Blaine for years and I think I know what's good for him."
"No, you don't." Kurt said. "You just want some kind of normalcy, but unfortunately this is something that no one can get at the moment." He paused. "And maybe Sebastian loves Blaine in some crazy way, but according to Blaine, this part of his life is over and I chose to believe him."
"But they kissed after sharing an intimate moment." Wes stated. "So you really think that something like this doesn't mean anything?"
Once again Kurt found himself speechless, since he really wasn't sure what to think about that kiss either. Instead of responding to that question, he said: "Wes, are you even aware of the fact that by trying to solve everything you're only making it ten times more complicated?"
"Please, don't think that I don't like you." Wes said gently.
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Well, it certainly seems like it."
Wes shook his head and grimaced as if thinking about something intensely. "Ugh, fine. Do whatever the hell you want." He said holding up his hands in surrender. "Just don't come crying to me when everything eventually falls apart." He said and walked quickly past the blue-eyed boy leaving him alone in the now empty common room.
Kurt stood there both mad and sad for a couple of minutes, not really wanting to leave and face the rest of the world. So he sat down on the sofa and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. He saddened upon seeing that there was still no sigh of life from Blaine. He knew that he had promised himself to give them some space, but he really missed Blaine. He wanted to talk to him and make sure that they were still together, but he also wanted to wait a little while longer to give Blaine some time to figure everything out as well.
He didn't even want to imagine what emotional struggle Blaine was going through right now and he hated himself for not having the strength to be there for him.
It had been two weeks since their last conversation and Kurt still wasn't sure of his feelings. He missed Blaine terribly, but he had no idea what the other boy was doing, if he was hanging out with Sebastian or not. The thought that maybe everything had changed since then was unbearable and Kurt knew that he would have to pull his shit together and go talk to him sooner rather than later.
Now he was sitting in the cafeteria and slowly eating his lunch while listening to Nick and Jeff ramble on and on about the upcoming week when they would all finally get to perform on Regionals. Everything was nearly perfect, but Wes was still strict as always, so the practices were more frequent and exhausting.
After lunch Kurt still had some time before the next class, so he decided to visit the library and pick up some books that he would need for later. He entered the room cramped with books and his eyes immediately landed on the boy sitting on the armchair with a book in front of him.
Sebastian's head was propped up on his hand as his eyes slowly scanned the text. After a moment of just standing there Kurt finally looked away and started walking towards the librarian to ask about the books that he wanted. But as he walked towards her desk Sebastian lifted up his gaze and locked his gaze with Kurt's. Being catched staring he felt his cheeks turn bright red, so he quikly looked away and continued to walk. "Kurt." The green-eyed boy said his name and quirked his eyebrows as if he still wasn't really sure if he wanted to talk to Kurt or not.
Kurt raised his eyebrows at him, prompting him to keep talking. The taller boy raised from his seat and started walking towards Kurt. "Can we talk for a minute?"
"I'm kind of busy right now." Kurt said turning to the librarian. But Sebastian grabbed his arm and turned him around, so that they were facing each other. "What do you think you're doing?" He asked harshly the other boy. The librarian looked between the two of them in alarm.
Sebastian apparently noticed the look on her face as he let go of Kurt's arm. "Just give me a minute, okay? You won't regret it."
Kurt really was busy and he didn't want Sebastian to mess with his mind, but he would be lying if he said that he wasn't curious about what the other boy wanted to talk to him about. "Alright, but make it quick." He said crossing his arms over his chest.
The librarian sensed that the boys needed some privacy as she quickly walked to the other side of the room. "It's about Blaine." Kurt rolled his eyes. What else could it be about?
"Yeah, what about him?"
Kurt was expecting to hear from Sebastian a hymn of triumph or maybe an enumeration of threats. He should have known though by the way that the other boy was so obviously on the edge of tears, the way his lips almost imperceptibly trembled and by the amount of pain in his emerald eyes that it would be anything but that. "I've been trying to win him back for the last couple of weeks." He said. "With little to no success." His eyes went distant as a small, heartbreaking smile made its way onto his face. "I was so focused on myself and my needs that I forgot that he had a say in this as well."
Sebastian looked at him as if expecting the other boy to say something, but Kurt remained silent. "I am far from perfect and I know I don't deserve Blaine." He paused for a moment rubbing his hands together. "And as much as I hate you, I know you will take good care of him."
Kurt opened his mouth, but for a while nothing came out. "Umm, thank you?" He said at last for lack of better words.
Sebastian's face hardened. "Don't think that it's all over." He stated. "I am sure as hell Blaine is the love of my life and this little break won't change anything between us. It might do us some good actually."
"Okay, I see how it is now." Kurt said, but he wasn't about to fight with Sebastian.
"So for now you can have him." It was clear that every single word that he was saying was painful to even think. "But this is not me giving you a favor. This is me showing Blaine that I'm not manipulating and controlling anymore."
"Okay. whatever." Kurt said.
Sebastian nodded his head and looked down at the watch wrapped around his wrist. "I've gotta get going. You should talk to him." He turned around and started walking towards the door, but before he left he looked at Kurt over his shoulder. "Whatever happens remember that me and Blaine are tied up for the rest of our lives." And with that he left.
Despite everything that Sebastian had said Kurt sighed in relief. Sebastian would leave them alone. At least for now. Forgetting about the books Kurt excited the library and started walking towards his dorm room for his car keys. He didn't bother to change his class or think about the consequences of leaving the school in the middle of the day.
There was no going back. It was the time to finally set things straight between them.