Heartbreak Warfare :: Chapter Three
Bo grumbled at the knock on his front door. He wasn't in the mood for any visitors. He wanted privacy. He wanted solitary confinement. He closed his eyes. He felt like crap. He wondered if the tightness in his chest would loosen any time soon. His muscles were cramping constantly. He rubbed his eyes with the base of his palms and stood up.
"Hey man, open up!" Steve called from the other side, "I know you're in there."
Bo trudged to the door and pulled it open, "What are you doing here?"
"Good to see you too BoBo," Steve grinned, "Is that anyway to greet the stupid bastard who just saved your life?"
Bo rolled his eyes. He was not in an appreciative state of mind. After all, coming home wasn't all that he'd hoped it be. Steve held up a case of beer and grinned. Bo pulled the door open wider, allowing Steve to pass through.
"Geez, turn on some lights." Steve said looking around, "What the hell is wrong with you? Haven't you had your fill of dark holes to last you a lifetime?"
"Do you want to watch the game or not?" Bo asked ignoring him.
"Who's playing?" Steve asked.
"Who cares…" Bo shrugged.
"Ok, look…." Steve sighed, "I'm not going to pretend I came over here to joke around. Kayla is worried about you. You won't answer the phone. You won't return anybody's phone calls. You haven't left the house since you were released from the hospital. I know things with Hope are…. rocky…. but come on. Where is she anyway?"
"You and my sister back in the sack?" Bo asked ignoring Steve's question about Hope.
"No," Steve shook his head, "Let's save that for another day. Why are you being a hermit?"
Bo plopped back onto the couch, the same spot he'd been sitting in for days. He felt clammy.
"People miss you. They want to see you." Steve reminded, "Why are you pushing everyone away?"
"Because." Bo struggled for the right words, keeping his emotions at bay. He felt like a crumpled up piece of paper lying helpless and used on the soiled couch, "The only person I want or need is Hope…. and I can't stand to look at her right now…. so I'm kind of in a little pickle."
"I know you're hurt. I would be hurt too." Steve sighed, "But you can't lock yourself up in this house. Get out… talk to people. Talk to her. Play with your daughter. Go to work. Do something."
"I'm not cleared for work." Bo mumbled. He ran a hand through his disheveled hair.
"You look like shit. When's the last time you showered?" Steve asked as he observed his friend, "Are you sweating, man?"
Bo almost laughed. He felt the undeniable beginnings of a smile tugging at the corner of his frowning lips, "Thanks. I always try to look my best when I'm around you."
"That's why you've always been my favorite date." Steve laughed and cracked open two beers. He handed one to Bo, and held his up, "Cheers."
Bo surrendered and raised his beer, "To great friendship."
"And love…" Steve added, "Life is short and simple. Love will work itself out."
They clinked their beers and took a long pull of the cold liquid. They sat in a comfortable silence for a couple of moments.
"You should really think about shaving though dude…" Steve suggested, "You look like a caveman."
Bo managed a chuckle. Silence returned again. They were comfortable together. Their friendship was strong. The noise of the football game filled the room.
"I'm not that innocent you know." Bo announced, breaking their silence.
"I know." Steve agreed, "Sometimes I think you're a complete asshole."
Bo laughed out loud this time. It felt good. It was a short and sweet release from the tight pain that screamed against his ribcage with every heartbeat. He sobered and exhaled, "Maybe I set her up for this. I mean… things were good when I left, but how many times have I let her down you know? I've turned to other people… I've taken advantage of her… I've let down our family…. I haven't always put her first. Maybe I deserve this."
"Okay… stop." Steve guzzled the rest of his beer and opened a new one, "You can't go drudging up the past, and you sure as hell can't go blaming yourself. Shit happens. We're all humans, which basically translates into we're all a bunch of idiots. Life goes on. Time doesn't stop."
"But why was it more important for me to go off on some mission than to be here with Hope and Ciara? I had work here. I could have been here for them… and that Jennings guy never would have entered the picture."
"I ask myself the same question all the time…" Steve replied with guilt, "If I wasn't always off trying to save the world, I'd still be with Kayla."
"It's not fair to them." Bo shook his head. He finished his beer and grabbed another one.
"So where does that leave you and Hope?" Steve asked.
"I need her." Bo's voice broke as he thought of her, emotion suddenly swelling up from his chest, "I've always needed her. I've always loved her. There's no question that I want her…. I just… need to find a way to forgive her."
The beer tasted too good. The impending buzz was seductive. He needed that feeling. He craved it. He wanted anything but reality, and alcohol was eagerly offering the allure of escape.