I'm tired. I'm stressed. I've got nothing else to say. Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. Enjoy.

Chapter 5: Six String Orchestra

It had taken Marceline about twenty minutes to get everything straight with Alastor. The routine she had planned was a little complicated and required near perfect timing, but the pinstriped demon was surprisingly quick on the uptake for someone so hilariously outdated.

Anyway, while they had been doing that, Charlie had turned the lobby into a makeshift auditorium. The front desk had been made into a stage and she'd arranged a dozen or so chairs from various other rooms into a place for the audience to sit. She'd even found her an amp and one of those old headset microphones to really help her voice carry.

The Vampire Queen loved how into this the Demon Princess was. Her enthusiasm and sunny disposition was the perfect compliment to her own gloomy and depressive nature; the proverbial Yang to her Yin.

Anyway, once everything was all set up, Marceline took the stage, which is to say she hopped up onto the bar, and turned to face her audience. As expected, Charlie was sitting in the front row, looking just as excited as ever. Next to her were Crymini, Blitz and a small, one-eyed demon she'd never seen before; presumably the one Blitz had been talking to earlier. Behind them were Husk and Angel Dust, and in the row behind them sat Baxter and Alastor; though she suspected the latter was only sitting back there to prevent the former from sneaking off.

For the first time since arriving in Hell, the Vampire Queen felt completely at peace. For although she was over a trillion universes away from home, she was in her natural element. It didn't matter that she was standing on a desk in the depths of a demonic cesspool, because she was a born performer. Music was in her blood. And by God, she was gonna give it her all.

So, after doing one final mic check, she whipped out her bass and prepared to do just that.

"Hello, Happy Hotel!" she said in the most dramatic and 'rock n' roll' way she could. "How y'all doin' tonight?"

"It's 1:30, you idiot." Baxter called out from the backrow, earning another unsettling glare from Alastor.

But, ever the professional, Marceline ignored him and went on with her intro.

"This one goes out to all the crappy guitarists out there. You know, the spastic losers with no real talent, but who are just too damned tenacious to ever call it quits."

With that said, the Vampire Queen played a few chords before jumping right into her song.

Oh, the very day I purchased it~

I christened my guitar~

As my monophonic symphony~

Six string orchestra~

In my room I'd practice late~

They'd leave me alone~

My mother said, "You're nothing yet~

To make the folks write home"~

I'd play at all the talent nights~

I'd finish, they'd applaud~

Some called it muffled laughter~

I just figured they were odd~

So I went up for an encore~

But they screamed they'd had enough~

Maybe I just need a group~

To help me do my stuff~

On cue, a band of shadow demons, courtesy of the smiling man in the backrow, manifested behind her; each wielding a different musical instrument. Then, one by one, they began to play along with her.

And so I dream a bass will join me~

And fill the bottom in~

And maybe now some lead guitar~

So it would not sound so thin~

I need some drums to set the beat~

And help me keep in time~

And way back in the distance~

Some strings would sound so fine~

With everyone now playing at once, the five of them sang the last part of the chorus together.

And we'd all play together~

Like fine musicians should~

And it would sound like music~

And the music would sound good~

But in real life I'm stuck with~

That same old formula~

Me and my monophonic symphony~

Six string orchestra~

With the first verse complete, Marceline to a quick second to inspect the crowd. As expected, her voice seemed to have won over everybody. Even Baxter looked like he was getting into it. But most importantly, Charlie was utterly entranced by her singing; the twinkle in her eyes and the big goofy grin on her face were evidence of that.

Perfect.

Her plan was going even better than she'd hoped. Which was especially impressive when you considered that she was just making it up as she went along.

'No sense in slowing down now.' She thought to herself confidently. 'Time to kick it into high gear.'

XXX

Outside the Hotel, a frost white limousine pulled up to the front door. The back left door opened and a beautiful demon maiden stepped out; holding three shopping bags in her arms. She was a truly lovely thing, even by the most superficial standards. Her light grey skin was soft and free of blemishes. Her long, silken hair was snowy white with highlights of pink. And her minidress, stockings and pink hairbow gave her the appearance of a cutesy little gothic ragdoll. Really, her only 'flaw' was the pink X that stood in place of her left eye; but even that worked to her advantage, because it added to her cute ragdoll aesthetic.

Her name was Vagatha, but if you didn't want your jaw broken, you called her Vaggie.

"Thanks, guys. I'll take it from here." She said to the two tiny Baphomet demons at the wheel. "Just pull the car around back and go give Niffty a hand with the housework."

The twins bleated in response and did as instructed; leaving the one-eyed beauty alone with her thoughts.

Despite what fairytales and Disney movies might have you believe, being the lover of a princess, especially an idealistic and, for lack of a better word, naïve princess, was not an easy life. People were constantly questioning or mocking her ideals and goals, which often demanded violent retribution. Plus her impulsive and, again for lack of a better word, childlike nature was a constant source of frustration. No, being Charlie's girlfriend was not easy, but it was rewarding.

For one thing, the Demon Princess was the warmest, friendliest, downright most loving person Vaggie had ever met in her entire life. And despite what most demons thought, she was smart; smart as a whip. And when it really mattered, she was willing to stand up for her beliefs and even fight for them if she had to.

No Sir, Charlie Magne was nobody's doormat, and that's one of the things she loved most about her.

Anyway, after months of turmoil, things were finally starting to cool down. Once word had spread that Alastor's interest in the Hotel wasn't just a passing fancy, the attacks from Pit Lords and other lower level demons finally stopped. And it had been over a month since the last crank call or flaming bag of shit left on their doorstep, so it seemed as though demons had lost interest in causing them trouble. Hell, no one was even trashing them on social media anymore; it was almost like they were a fad that had gone out of style.

Thank God for short attention spans.

With the Hotel out of the spotlight, and Charlie's Father using every ounce of his considerable clout to keep it that way, the project could finally move forward. True, recruiting on the sly would be difficult. They'd have to stick to new arrivals with less serious sins, but it would all be worth it if they could just redeem one soul. Then Charlie's theories would be validated and more demons would come in droves.

Probably.

Maybe.

Hopefully.

Regardless, after finishing her shopping without having to crack anyone's skull open, Vaggie was in high spirits and looking forward to a nice, relaxing evening at home with her favorite girl.

This dream however was quickly dashed when she opened the front door and was instantly hit by a blast of music.

I write love songs for my favorite girl~

And sing 'em soft and slow~

(Oooooo~)

But before I get to finish~

She says she has to go~

She's nice and says "Excuse me~

I've gotta find a bar~

I'm gonna need refreshments~

Before I hear you play guitar"~

It took a moment for Vaggie to process what was happening, but once her brain finally caught up she realized that the lobby had apparently been turned into some kind of makeshift arena so everyone could watch some stranger put on a rock concert with four of Alastor's shadow demons.

She wasn't quite sure what was going on, but odds were it was Charlie's idea.

I sent a demo tape I made~

To the record companies~

(La La La Ooo~)

Two came back address unknown~

One came back C.O.D~

Of course I got form letters~

All saying pleasant things~

Like suggesting that I find a job~

Where I would not have to sing~

And so I dream a bass will join me~

And fill the bottom in~

And maybe now some lead guitar~

So it would not sound so thin~

I need some drums to set the beat~

And help me keep in time~

And way back in the distance~

Some strings would sound so fine~

And we'd all play together~

Like fine musicians should~

And it would sound like music~

And the music would sound good~

But in real life I'm stuck with~

That same old formula~

Me and my monophonic symphony~

Six string orchestra~

Okay, whoever this girl was, she was good.

Like really, really good.

But that still didn't change the fact that she was a stranger in her hotel.

So, after putting the groceries aside on a nearby table, Vaggie marched up to the group to get some answers.

"Hey, Angel Dust." She said to the spider demon forcefully. "What's going…"

"Shhhhh!"

"Don't you shush me! I wanna know…"

"Miss Vagatha, do shut up. You're interrupting the show." Baxter chimed in unexpectedly.

"Excuse me?"

I've been taking guitar lessons~

But my teacher just took leave~

It was something about a break down~

Or needing a reprieve~

I know I've found my future~

So I will persevere~

And hold onto my dream of~

Making music to their ears~

And so I dream a bass will join me~

And fill the bottom in~

And maybe now some lead guitar~

So it would not sound so thin~

I need some drums to set the beat~

And help me keep in time~

And way back in the distance~

Some strings would sound so fine~

"I need all the help I can get!"

As if on cue, two more shadow demons appeared beneath Charlie's chair and tossed her onto the stage. She looked confused at first, but after the stranger winked at her, she perked up. Evidently she had taken this as a sign that the mystery woman wanted her to sing the last part with her, because that's exactly what happened.

And we'd all play together~

Like fine musicians should~

And it would sound like music~

And the music would sound good~

But in real life I'm stuck with~

That same old formula~

Me and my monophonic symphony~

Six string orchestra~

Good, Fucking, God.

They sounded incredible.

Their voices blended together so perfectly.

But then… why did that make her feel so… strange?

Suddenly the audience went up in thunderous applause; or at least as thunderous as seven people could be.

"Bravo! Bravissimo!"

"Spot on! Spot on, old girls!"

"Woo Hoo! Yay! Whistle~"

"Oh yeah! That was so fucking tits!"

"Eh, it was alright."

Charlie and the stranger took their bows, but after the third, the former's eyes lit up as she finally caught sight of her.

"Gasp. Vaggie!" the princess exclaimed as she rushed off the stage to embrace her lover. "Oh my gosh~ Oh my gosh~ Oh my gosh~ You won't believe what happened! First Marcy showed up. And then she said she was a musician. And then she said my ideas weren't stupid. And then she broke up a fight. And then we sang. And it was super fun. And she's really amazing. And wonderful. And awesome. And can we keep her? Pretty, pretty, pretty please!"

"Uh… what?" Vaggie asked as she was released from the hug; having only caught like a third of that.

Just then, the stranger floated up; cackling in a way that made her sound like a witch.

"Man, she's just a bundle of energy, isn't she." She said jokingly. "So, you must be the manager I've heard so much about. Maggie, right?"

"It's Vaggie. And you are?"

"Name's Marceline. But my friends call me Marcy." The stranger said casually. "So, what did you think? Do I get the job?"

"What job?"

"The one I just auditioned for. Charlie said you guys had an opening for a lounge singer."

"Oh she did, did she?" Vaggie asked as she turned to her girlfriend, who just shrugged and smiled awkwardly. "Would you excuse us for a moment. I need to discuss something with Charlie. In private."

"Sure, girl. Go do what you gotta do."

And with that, Vaggie gently led her lover by the hand to a secluded spot several feet away.

"Okay, I have fifteen different apologies depending on how mad you are."

"Just tell me what happened." She replied bluntly.

"Well… Marcy kinda just showed up at the door and asked about a job. At first I thought she was a gardener, so I told her we weren't hiring. But then she said she was a musician and I kinda… told her we had an opening."

"So let me get this straight. A random stranger showed up at our door, claiming to be a musician, and you just immediately offered her a job?"

"Well… I didn't exactly offer her anything. I just got a little excited and I… kinda… sorta… maybe implied that we might be interested."

"So you've just been leading her on this whole time?" Vaggie asked disapprovingly. "That's bad, Charlie. Very, very bad."

"I know. But I didn't mean to. I just… I mean, you heard her. She's amazing. And she was just so nice."

"Of course she was nice to you! You all but promised her a job!" she yelled in frustration, before taking a deep breath to calm down. "Charlie, you have to stop being so impulsive. I mean sure, she seems harmless, but she's probably not gonna be so nice once you tell her we can't afford to hire her."

"Are you sure we can't? I mean, maybe if we went over the books again…"

"They'd say the same thing as last time." Vaggie cut her off. "Look, I know you mean well, Hon, but we've been over this a hundred times. We're on a fixed income. And even with Alastor's 'donations' we can't afford any unnecessary spending. And I'm sorry, but a lounge singer counts as unnecessary."

"Sigh. You're right." Charlie admitted, sounding a little deflated. "I guess I gotta go tell Marcy the truth."

"That's my girl." She said warmly; pausing for half a second to adjust her lover's bowtie. "And don't worry, I'll be right beside you, just in case she turns violent."

And with that, the two of them returned to the waiting stranger.

"So, what's the deal?" Marceline asked, still in a good mood, for the moment. "Am I hired?"

"Yeah… about that." Charlie began awkwardly. "The thing is… We don't really have an opening for a singer. We never did."

"But you said…"

"I know what I said. It's just… well, when you told me you were a musician I got excited, because I thought it might be fun to hear you play. But then you turned out to be so nice and I thought, maybe, we could make an exception. But it turns out we can't. I'm really sorry, Marcy."

"I don't understand. Why can't you hire me?"

"Well, you see… the Hotel is kind of a nonprofit organization. The guests all stay here for free and the only steady income we get is an allowance from my Dad. So we can't really afford anything that's nonessential. Again, I'm really, really sorry for getting your hopes up like that."

"Oh… I see." The stranger said, sounding disappointed, but surprisingly not angry. "Then can I be a guest?"

"What?"

"What?"

Said Charlie and Vaggie respectively, each with an entirely different tone.

"Do you mean it?" the Demon Princess asked hopefully.

"Of course." Marceline replied, sounding surprisingly sincere. "You said guests stay for free, right?"

"Absolutely!" Charlie answered, her usual exuberance returning in full force. "I mean, there's some paperwork you need to fill out, but aside from that, welcome to the Happy Hotel!"

"Not so fast!" Vaggie cut in, before getting all up in Marceline's face. "First you say you're looking for a job and now you wanna be a guest here? You sure change gears quickly. So, what are you really after?"

But alas, the stranger was not intimidated by her 'bad cop' routine.

"Look, uh… Vaggie, it's really not that complicated." She replied casually. "You see, I'm an artist. I don't give a shit about money or Heaven or any of that stuff. I just want a place to crash and play my music. So, if you let me stay here, not only will I go along with whatever freaky experiments you guys get up to, but I'll throw in some free concerts too. Sound good?"

"Sounds perfect!" Charlie said excitedly.

"Now hold on, Charlie." Vaggie said as she pulled her lover aside once again; this time not caring if anyone else heard. "I'm not so sure about this."

"But Vaggie, we need more guests. And she actually wants to stay here. No one had to trick her or anything."

"I know that, Hon. It's just… something about this doesn't feel right. I can't really explain it. But this just seems way too convenient. I don't think we should trust her."

"You guys know I can hear you, right?" Marceline asked flatly.

Vaggie opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by cries from the peanut gallery.

"Oh come on! Let her stay!" called Crymini from her seat in the front row. "About time we had some decent music in this place!"

"Yeah, Frosty Box. Lighten up." Angel Dust added. "Marcy's loads o' fun."

Ignoring the spider demon's crude comment, Vaggie was forced to admit she was outnumbered on this one. And since she had no real evidence against the stranger, aside from a weird feeling in her gut, she had no choice but to concede.

"Fine. Marceline, welcome to the Happy Hotel."

As expected, this announcement was met with cheers and applause from the staff and other guests. Charlie herself let out a high-pitched squeal of delight.

"Oh my gosh~ Oh my gosh~ Oh my gosh~ Vaggie, do you know what this means?" the demon princess asked excitedly. "We finally have enough people to do group therapy! EEEEEEEEEE~"

Upon hearing this, the stranger just cackled.

"Attagirl! Force that enthusiasm!"

Charlie then proceeded to wrap Vaggie up in one of her famous tight but loving hugs.

"Oh, Vaggie! Things are finally looking up." She said, her mouth stretched so far her face nearly split in half.

And she was right, things were looking up. Hell had lost interest in attacking or harassing them. They now had five guests; one of them a willing and seemingly well-mannered volunteer. This was a great day for the Hotel.

But then why didn't it feel great?

Why couldn't she shake off this overwhelming sense of foreboding and unease?

Suddenly, Charlie pressed her lips against hers, and in an instant, all those negative feelings just washed away.

When they were together like this, nothing else mattered.

When they were in each other's arms and their tongues danced together in their mouths, all was right with the world.

Just then, Vaggie caught sight of something strange out of the corner of her eye. Marceline was staring at them; eyes wide and mouth hanging open from shock. Seconds later, she smacker her right hand hard against her forehead and muttered something under her breath. She couldn't quite make out what she said, but it almost sounded like,

God damn you, Prismo.

End Notes:

"Six String Orchestra" was written, composed and first performed by Harry Chapin in 1974. I found this song by chance several months ago and I knew I just had to use it for this story. I hope you liked it.

Anyway, thanks for reading and I'll see you next time.

Peace.