Here's another on for you, folks. Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. With that said, Enjoy.

Chapter 7: Green-Eyed Monster

As I may have mentioned before, being the lover of the Princess of Hell was not an easy life. It came with its own unique set of challenges and responsibilities; one of which was holding back Charlie's hair when she had to throw up.

Such as right now.

What had been intended as the first step on the long road to redemption for five wayward demons dissolved into chaos when a certain lanky spider, who would soon have his head shoved up his own ass if she had anything to say about it, spiked the fruit punch they had all been drinking with some kind of powerful hallucinogen.

When Vaggie arrived on the scene, everyone was either puking their guts out or swatting at invisible pixies. Thankfully, this was Hell, so no one was in danger of dying from an overdose, but still, steps had to be taken. So after having Niffty clean up all the vomit, she made her, Husk and Blitz escort the others to their rooms to ride out the effects of the drug while she personally escorted Charlie to their private penthouse suite to do the same.

Which leads us back to the present, with the Demon Princess' face in a toilet.

After a few more minutes and a dozen or so dry heaves, it seemed as though the worst was finally over.

"You okay, Hon?" Vaggie asked concernedly.

"Yeah, I think I got it all out of my system." Charlie replied, sounding totally exhausted from her ordeal.

"What the Hell did Angel put in that punch? I've never seen a reaction like this before."

"I don't know, it was some long Portuguese word. He said he got it from his friend Cherri Bomb."

"Well, whatever it was you seem to be alright now. C'mon, let's get you cleaned up and into bed."

After a quick shower, a change of clothes and a thorough oral cleansing, Vaggie picked up her beloved and carried her to their bedroom in the manner most befitting a princess.

"But Vaggie, it's too early for bed." Charlie whined, much to her lover's amusement. "It's barely noon and I have so much more planned for today."

"No buts." She said, soft but firmly. "You were up all night and you spent the last half hour throwing up. You need rest. End of discussion."

"Sigh. Yes, ma'am." The Princess relented as they reached their queen-sized bed.

And with that, Vaggie gently set Charlie down, tucked her in all nice and cozy, and planted a tender kiss on her forehead.

"There, now you just relax and leave everything to me. And if you need anything, just call me or Niffty and one of us will be right up."

"Thanks, Vaggie. You're always taking such good care of me." The Demon Princess said warmly, before her expression fell.

"What's the matter, Hon?"

"I don't know, it's just… I thought everything would get easier once I convinced enough demons to check in, but today was so awful. Blitz had a panic attack, Angel spiked the punch and made us all throw up, and aside from Marcy no one was even trying to take this seriously. Sigh. Maybe my dad was right. Maybe I don't know what I'm doing."

"Oh Charlie, of course you don't." Vaggie said comfortingly as she sat down beside her on the bed. "But that's only because what you're doing has never been done before. It's never even been tried. There's no way of knowing what to expect or what techniques are gonna work or not. The only thing we can do is work hard, do our best, and try not to get discouraged. And as for your dad, he's an asshole. End of story."

The Demon Princess couldn't help but chuckle at that.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. But still, I wish they'd at least give it a chance."

"Hon, you've got to face the facts. We're not talking about kids who stole candy and skipped Sunday school, these are hardcore, lifelong sinners. I mean, God is way more lenient than most people think. He understands about grey areas, and extenuating circumstances, and what's really going through people's minds when they commit sin. So the fact that they're even down here should tell you just how much they fucked up when they were alive."

"Then what should I do?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure. But I know you can't give up just because of one bad day. Hell, we've already had six months' worth, so what's one more?"

Again, Charlie couldn't help but laugh.

"I know I said this already, but you're right, Vaggie."

"Of course I am."

"Maybe I just need to change my tactics a little."

"That might help."

"Maybe… Maybe instead of trying to save everyone at once, I should just focus my efforts on the one who has the best chance. I mean, I only need to get one soul into Heaven to prove my theory. Then everyone will start to take this more seriously."

"Makes sense."

"So I'll keep the group sessions going for now, but I'll also have lots of private sessions with Marcy so I can help her get into Heaven twice as fast!"

"Seems reasona-wait, what?"

"I said, I'll keep the group sessions going…"

"I heard that part, but why do you wanna spend time alone with Marceline?"

"Because, out of everyone here, she has the best chance of getting into Heaven. She's nice, she's polite, she's friendly, everyone likes her, and she doesn't drink or cause trouble like the others."

"I understand that, Charlie, but I really don't think…"

"Oh, and you should've heard her in group today. She really opened up. And she's always listening to me and offering to help. I know she must've done something really terrible back on Earth, but I think she really believes in what I'm trying to do. I think she really wants to change."

"Charlie, I know Marceline seems nice, but there's something not right about her. I can't explain it, but I know she's up to something. So please, I'm begging you, don't spend any time alone with her."

But alas, this plea fell on deaf ears.

Midway through her speech, Charlie had at last succumbed to her extreme exhaustion and drifted off into a peaceful slumber; leaving her devoted lover alone with her thoughts.

XXX

Vaggie wasn't sure how long she'd been wandering the halls of the Happy Hotel.

Three hours?

Eleven minutes?

Eighty thousand years?

Time had lost all meaning to her.

After departing from the penthouse to let Charlie get some sleep, Vaggie's initial thought was to either go down to the kitchen to make herself a chocolate milkshake or to go to Angel's room and beat the living shit out of him for causing this mess; whichever she could find first. However, her ever growing anxieties had blurred her sense of direction, as well as her sense of time, so instead of indulging in either of her favorite pastimes, she just wandered around aimlessly for who knows how long. And all because of one, seemingly insignificant thought that weighed so heavily on her mind.

Charlie wanted to spend time alone with Marceline.

And to make matters worse, she didn't even understand why that bothered her so much. I mean, she understood full well that Charlie's intentions were strictly professional; she only wanted to help Marceline get into Heaven so she could legitimize what the Hotel was trying to accomplish. And as for the bat demon herself, aside from getting her name wrong once, she hadn't really done anything to make her dislike her. Like Charlie had said, she didn't drink or do drugs or cause trouble. In fact, out of everyone, she seemed the most interested in what Charlie was preaching. In many ways, she really was the ideal candidate for redemption.

So then why didn't she want them to be alone together?

Why did just the thought of that make her feel so… strange?

She thought back to the first time she'd had that feeling. It was when the bat demon had been performing for everyone. Out of nowhere, she had two of Alastor's shadow minions throw Charlie on stage so she could sing with her. Good God, their voices blended so perfectly together. It was almost like they were made for each other.

Aha!

That was it!

Charlie loved to sing. She loved it more than anything else in the entire world; excluding Vaggie. And she was damn good at it too.

Vaggie also liked to sing, but she wasn't very good at it. In fact, I'd go as far as to say she was terrible at it. Despite possessing a perfectly lovely speaking voice, her singing voice was just plain awful. Back when they'd first started dating, she'd tried to serenade Charlie with a Spanish love song, but less than a minute into her performance her beloved Demon Princess asked her to stop; complaining of a headache. A few moments later, Charlie's Father came into the room to ask them why they were torturing a cat. She'd been so humiliated that she vowed never to sing again.

But now Marceline was here, and she could sing; really well too. She could sing to Charlie and with her. And pretty soon she was going to be all alone with Charlie. And then they'd realize how much they have in common. And then they'd become even closer. And then… And then…

NO!

What the Hell was the matter with her?

Charlie wasn't like that. She wasn't the kind of girl who'd just jump into bed with some random stranger with a pretty voice and a stupid hat. She had way too much integrity.

And so what if she couldn't sing? That never mattered to Charlie, and they'd been together for over four years. By God, they loved each other, and that love was stronger than something as trivial as the ability to carry a tune.

Charlie leaving her for Marceline?

What a load of shit!

She ought to be ashamed of herself for even thinking it.

Charlie and Marceline?

HA!

Not in a million years!

Just then, a familiar burst of static reached her ears; followed swiftly by an equally familiar voice and some corny music.

Once I was happy but now I'm forlorn~

Like an old coat that is tattered and town~

Left on this wide world to fret and to mourn~

Betrayed by a maid in her teens~

Unsurprisingly, she saw Alastor strolling up the hall towards her; twirling his cane and singing some goofy ass tune from the 1930s.

The girl that I loved she was handsome~

I tried all I knew her to please~

But I could not please her one quarter so well~

Like that man up on the Trapeze~

"Take it, Sister!"

It took a moment for Vaggie to realize it, but that last line hadn't been part of the song; the Radio Demon was now speaking to her directly.

"Take what?" she asked confusedly.

"Why, the chorus, of course. Come on, Darling. You know the words."

"No I don't."

"Beg pardon?"

"I don't know the words to this song."

"Oh… well that's unfortunate. How about this one?"

With a snap of his fingers the music changed and Alastor started singing a different corny tune.

She's the girlfriend of the whirling dervish~

She's the sweetest one he's found~

But every night, in the mellow moonlight~

When he's out dervishing with all his might~

She gives him the run-around~

"Don't know this one either." Vaggie stated bluntly.

"You don't? Hmmm… Well, that is a pickle."

"Whatever. I don't know what your game is, but leave me out of it."

And with that, she attempted to leave the Radio Demon in her dust, only to find him standing directly in front of her once again.

"I've got it!" he said excitedly. "I don't know why I didn't see it before. A high-class dame like yourself probably prefers a little light opera."

He then paused to clear his throat as the music changed to a familiar piece from 'Carmen'.

Toreador, Oh~

Don't spit on the floor~

Please, use the cuspidor~

That's what it's for~

"Those aren't even the right words!" Vaggie said annoyedly. "And even if they were, why would I ever want to sing them with you? Or do anything with you? Ever?"

"Now, now, Miss Vagatha, there's no need for such hostility." The Radio Demon said in an annoyingly polite tone. "I mean, is that any way to speak to an old friend?"

"You're not my friend!" Vaggie spat venomously. "And don't call me Vagatha!"

Once again, she tried to storm off, but as usual, Alastor stuck to her like glue.

"Say, do you know the story of 'Carmen'?" he asked as he strolled alongside her. "It really is quite a tale."

"Did you not hear what I just said?"

"A respected military man falls in love with a young woman who causes him nothing but trouble." The Radio Demon continued undeterred. "He sacrifices everything for her. Does everything he can to please her and make her happy. But in the end, she leaves him for someone more dashing and exciting. And then he murders her."

"We are not having a conversation right now."

"I just find it so interesting that an otherwise intelligent woman would choose fun and excitement over devotion and dependability. But I suppose that sort of thing must be pretty common. I mean, it happens all the time in songs and literature, and those writers had to have gotten their inspiration from somewhere."

"I know what you're doing." Vaggie said accusingly.

"Oh, and what am I doing?"

"You're trying to get me all freaked out about Marceline. You want me to think that Charlie might leave me for her so I'll go beat the shit out of her like some stupid, jealous frat boy, and you can have a big laugh."

"My dear, I haven't the foggiest idea what you're talking about. I thought we were just having a lovely conversation about classical opera."

"Whatever. Just stay out of my love life, asshole."

"As you wish."

And with that, Vaggie stormed off for a third time; only this time the Radio Demon didn't follow.

Can you believe that guy?

Of all the nerve.

Trying to make her think that Charlie would leave her for some smooth-talking street performer in tight pants.

Of all the ridiculous ideas.

But then… she'd already had a few of those ideas herself.

So what?

That didn't prove anything.

Charlie was old fashioned.

A true romantic.

She wasn't the type to just throw away over four years of near perfect bliss for some cheap thrills and a pretty voice.

But then… Charlie was prone to making impulsive decisions that often ended badly.

And music did tend to make her a tad irrational.

And Marceline was a very good singer.

No!

No!

No!

Charlie wasn't that kind of girl.

Vaggie hated herself for even thinking such a thing.

She trusted Charlie.

She loved Charlie.

And come Hell or high water, she was going to marry Charlie.

End of story.

End of discussion.

Period.

But then… it couldn't hurt to remind Charlie just how much she loved and trusted her.

Right?

End Notes:

"The Daring Young Man on the Flying Trapeze" and "Girlfriend of the Whirling Dervish" are both in the public domain. As is the opera "Carmen" as far as I know.

Anyway, thanks for reading and I'll see you next time.

Peace.