AN: First, I wanted to say thank you so much for the wonderful reviews and comments I have been getting on my story - I've truly enjoyed them so much. You guys are the best! I really wanted to get this chapter out before I go camping next week, so I hope you enjoy. I love writing so much; I hope to find some better rhythms in my life to include more time in which to do it. This summer has been absolutely crazy. :)
"Of course you didn't hurt him," Harry assured his ward. "I've been watching you two for several minutes. It made me really happy to see you two getting along."
"Finish story!" Teddy demanded, picking up the book, oblivious to the sudden tension in the room.
Looking at Severus' face, which had gone white with anxiety, Harry intervened. "Severus and I need to talk now," he told the youngster. "Auntie Ginny is making some biscuits right now and I was hoping you'd help her; can you go do that?"
"Help!" Teddy exclaimed, jumping up.
"Don't eat all the chocolate bits!" Harry called, watching the youngster scamper down the hallway. He closed the door behind him, feeling the tension in the room amp up considerably.
Turning to face Severus, he felt the anxiety coming off of the child in waves. His body was taunt, his face pale, and his breathing had become rapid and shallow. Harry found himself having to apply his own occlumency to keep himself from panicking in response to Severus' obvious panic. He had hoped that a day to calm down and spend time with his Uncle George would bring Severus to a place of logic and being able to reason – apparently it had brought him to a deeper place of panic.
"You're okay," Harry tried to assure him. "I'm not mad."
"I pushed you!" Severus growled at him, sounding to Harry for all absurdity like his adult self when he felt as if Harry was not seeing reason. "You should be very mad!"
"I don't think you really meant to do it," Harry told him.
"Was that some other ward of yours that pushed you then?" he asked, incredulous.
"How many wards to I have?" Harry asked, his lips twitching.
"I should think you'd want one less," Severus told him, looking away.
"I see," Harry told him. "Please, I want you to relax. I'm really not mad."
"Then you are an idiot," Snape snapped at him, his nerves whip-taunt. "You should be doing something about it."
"What do you think I should do about it, then?" Harry asked, trying to keep his voice low and calming.
"What do you think?" Severus snapped back. "I, well, I pushed you. With a small child in your arms. George said . . ."
"Yes?" Harry prompted when Severus' words got stuck.
"George said that he was surprised I could sit down today," he blurted out, not looking at Harry.
Harry assessed the boy, clearly seeing the expectation there and worried a bit about it. "George isn't your father," he told him.
"But he's right," Severus told him, looking away. "What sort of person would do that to you? With a child in your arms?"
"Tell me what you were feeling at the time," Harry coaxed him. "Maybe we can figure it out together why it happened."
"What does it matter what I was feeling?" Severus asked him, incredulous. "The action is what I did, and that was plain for everyone to see. Anything else other than applying my punishment is simply postponing it."
"And you think I ought to beat you?" Harry asked him. "Hard enough that you can't sit the next day?"
Severus simply nodded, but still looked warily at Harry. He started to speak, but then thought better of it. He didn't feel as if he would be able to complete a coherent sentence.
Harry, remembering a time with Professor Snape early on, made a decision. He sat on the edge of Severus' bed, and beckoned to him. "Alright, then. Come here, Severus."
"Come here, Harry," Professor Snape beckoned the boy. His lap awaited Harry to bend over it.
Harry gulped a bit in fear, but in truth he was relieved. Professor Snape had been trying to get him to talk about why he had disobeyed him and gone beyond the boundaries of the yard, but in truth he didn't even really know. In trying to explain that, he found his tongue just didn't work properly.
Harry obeyed, putting himself over the Professor's lap, and silently prayed for mercy. He didn't expect it, though, he knew where disobedience always led. He was just grateful at least he could touch the man's lap when the man took a belt or a stick to him. And the Professor had plenty of reason to be displeased with him.
"I have decided that for disobeying and leaving the property you will receive a spanking," the professor told him. "Do you have any plea for mercy?"
"No, sir," Harry whispered. "I deserve it."
Harry tensed in anticipation after the words were said, and then he felt a sharp smack on his backside. The smack was sharp and quick, but hardly what he would call a punishment. Harry waited for more, and one more smack landed firmly on his backside.
"I hope you have seen the error of your ways," the Professor intoned. "Are you ready now to have a conversation about why you chose to disobey me?"
"But . . ." Harry responded, confused.
"I have given you your punishment," Professor Snape told him. "Would you dare to tell me it is insufficient in any way?"
"No sir!" Harry quickly responded, feeling from Snape's tone that it would be a very foolish thing indeed to dare to indicate any such insufficiency.
"Then your punishment is complete and we can instead talk about your motivations for your disobedience," Snape told him, righting his body and placing him beside him on the bed. "It is quite unlike you to disobey me. Can you tell me now what happened?"
"I'm not really sure," Harry told him honestly. Before when the Professor had asked him that question, all he could think about was how bad he had been and how the Professor was going to punish him. He could feel that he was different now, more settled. The Professor had understood that – and Harry realized that now they could really talk through what had happened. "I was outside playing and I heard you yell."
"Yes, I did yell," the Professor confirmed. "I didn't realize you could hear me from out there."
"You said a bad word," Harry told him.
"I did," the Professor agreed with a sigh. "I shouldn't have used that word, Harry, and I'm sorry I did. A potion that I'd been working on for over a week suddenly spoiled and granulated when it shouldn't have, and the resulting flash of heat singed the hairs of the back of my hand. I was frustrated, surprised, and it hurt."
"Were you mad at me?" Harry asked.
"Of course not!" Severus denied. "You were nowhere near me!"
"Well, when I heard you swear, I thought maybe it was my fault," Harry told him. "I thought you were coming to get me, to punish me. Uncle Vernon would sometimes find something wrong and yell and swear; he would then come punish me for it, whether it was my fault or not. I was scared of you; my body just ran and hid, and it went off the property."
"I see," the Professor nodded.
"So are you going to punish me more for being stupid?" Harry asked him. "You've told me you won't beat me. I knew better."
"No," the Professor answered firmly. "I only punish you for bad choices you are actually in control of making. This was your body trying to keep yourself safe, nothing more. You have had your punishment, and the matter is now closed. Please stay within the boundaries from now on."
"Is that it then?" Harry asked, incredulously.
"I will do my best not to swear," Professor Snape told him. "I do so rarely anyways, so it should be no great burden. Seeing as it disturbs you so, it is the least I can do."
"Really?" Harry asked, his eyes wide.
"Of course," the Professor answered in an almost brusque way. "It is nearly time for tea. Shall we have it early today?"
"Yes!" Harry enthusiastically agreed.
Severus obeyed slowly, hoping that this punishment meant that Harry would forgive him enough to not be sent away. Though his words to George had been bold and he did truly believe that he did deserve to be sent away to protect the child, he also knew that he desperately didn't want to be. He would take a thousand beatings to not be sent away, and maybe it looked like he would have to just take one. He put himself over Harry's lap, trying to keep himself calm and remind himself that Harry wasn't his father, and that Harry wouldn't really hurt him. Even though he was a horrible person that really did deserve it.
"Severus, that was dangerous to both me and Teddy," Harry told him. "I have decided that your punishment will be a spanking. Are you ready to receive your punishment?"
"Yes, sir," he replied.
"Do you have any plea for mercy?" he asked.
"I don't deserve mercy," Severus told him sadly, not defiantly. This was going to be way worse than the spanking he got for Broomie, that had just been some pranks. This was truly evil. He found himself not looking at Harry's hands; he didn't want to know what the man was going to whack him with.
"All right, then," Harry told him.
Severus tensed and waited, and the first slap of Harry's hand hit him firmly on the bottom, soon followed by another slap. Neither slap was particularly hard, and Severus waited for the punishment to continue.
"Your punishment is complete," Harry told Severus.
"That can't be it!" Severus protested, confused.
"I am the Dad, I get to decide the punishment," Harry told him in what he hoped was a comforting voice. "And that's it."
"It's a trick!" Severus accused him, pushing himself up from Harry's lap and glaring at him. "You're sending me away!"
"I'm not, we've already talked about that," Harry answered incredulously. "What do I have to do to assure you that I'm not sending you anywhere?"
"Why would you want to keep me?" he snapped back. "All I do is yell, and argue, and push you, and hurt that child . . ."
"Teddy," Harry gently corrected.
"What?" Severus exclaimed. Of all the things to correct, why his name?
"His name is Teddy," Harry answered gently. "He's a part of our family, yours and mine. He's not 'that child' any more than you are. I love you both."
"You can't possibly," Severus told him, rolling his eyes.
"Well, he can be a handful sometimes, but I like him just fine," Harry told Severus.
"He's, well, he's absolutely adorable," Severus admitted. "And a lot sweeter than me."
"Oh, I see now," Harry nodded. "That's the problem."
"Look we both know that I'm not very lovable," Severus growled. "Spare me the denials."
"Sorry," Harry told him. "Not going to happen. I happen to love you very much."
"You love him," Severus told him. "Professor Snape. Me, well, me you just pity."
"You can tell yourself what you want," Harry told him. "I'm not going to argue with you. But you're also not going to convince me that I don't love you."
"Hmmph."
"I also had something else that I wanted to say," Harry told him. "I owe you an apology for not telling you about Teddy sooner."
"You don't need to apologize to me," Severus told him awkwardly. Didn't Harry know this? "I'm just a child."
"All the more reason," Harry told him. "You should hear it done more often, I think. I am truly sorry for not telling you about Teddy sooner, and I hope you are able to forgive me at some point."
"Forgive you?" Severus echoed blankly.
"That's generally how it works," Harry smiled. "People hurt each other, they apologize, and figure out how to forgive each other and move on. You don't have to rush into it, though, I can wait. I did want you to know that I was looking for how to tell you properly, and I was trying to figure out a way that would make you not feel threatened and jealous. Guess I botched that, though, didn't I?"
"You thought about how to tell me?" Severus asked, surprised. He wasn't used to the idea that adults would think about how he would react to things.
"Of course," Harry told him with a smile. "I wanted you to like Teddy. Teddy doesn't have a father, and Andromeda isn't in the best health. I think it's likely Teddy will spend more time over here in the future, it's good that you would like each other."
"He said I didn't scare him," Severus told Harry. "When I pushed you."
"You had assumed he'd be scared of you," Harry surmised.
"Of course," Severus answered, the honesty making him feel vulnerable. "I must have been scary to him last night."
"Severus, you are not your father," Harry told him after a moment, realizing what Severus was saying. "Teddy wasn't scared by you; you know that, right?"
"Pushing someone holding a child is something my father would have done," Severus answered, his voice cold.
"But would he have felt bad afterwards?" Harry countered. "I would bet not."
Severus blinked at the truth in Harry's words – his father wouldn't have felt bad. He would have blamed others for making him mad and shrugging everything else off. Maybe he wasn't his father after all.
"Our choices make us who we are," Harry told him. "I'm not sure how much of a choice you made in pushing me, I think you were just reacting. We're going to work on that, on helping you feel safe so you can make better choices. Who you really are is in how you felt afterwards – your remorse. All of us make mistakes, Severus, even me. But some of us learn from those mistakes and grow to be better people. That is very much different than your father."
"Do you really think so?" Severus asked, his voice far more plaintive than he would like to admit.
"Yes," Harry answered firmly. "Now, if you're ready, can you tell me how you were feeling when you pushed me last night?"
"I was jealous," Severus admitted, looking away. "I saw him in your arms, holding a stuffed bear, and my mind turned off. All I could think about was how that child was going to steal you from me and how I was going to be sent away."
"I can see how that was very frightening," Harry nodded. "It must have been quite a shock to you."
Severus nodded. "I wanted to be like Ginny said, to be a helper to you," Severus told him. "I thought I could be until I saw you."
"Sometimes our bodies automatically do things," Harry told him. "That's why I didn't really punish you, because that looked to me like that's what happened. The look on your face after it happened was horrified – like you couldn't believe what you'd done."
"Then why did you smack me at all?" Severus asked, suddenly curious.
"You didn't seem able to listen to me otherwise," Harry smiled. "I tried, remember? You were so worried about me punishing you that you weren't able to even think properly. I tried to take that out of the equation."
Severus nodded, and felt his breathing deepen as his muscles relaxed a bit more. Harry wasn't going to punish him further, he realized. It really was going to be alright.
"I think there might be warm biscuits out of the oven," Harry sniffed. "Reckon we can go snitch a few?"
Nodding, Severus followed him into the warm rest of the house.