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Chapter 17
December 1st
"Are you serious? Just don't answer," the scowling karate champ said in response to her best friend's phone buzzing, effectively stopping the healer's story mid-stride and bringing her excited mood down a few notches.
"I have to at least check, Tatsuki-chan," Orihime said with reluctant surrender in her voice as she brought her phone into view. After a moment, she sighed heavily and added, "Yeah, that can wait," setting the phone back onto its place on Tatsuki's bed.
"He knows you are here to study, right?"
"I told him twice today."
"Then what is so important!?"
"It's not. Well, I guess it is, to him anyway. I don't know." Orihime's shoulders slumped and her breath started to struggle as she tried to keep her swirling emotions in check.
Tatsuki's shoulders dropped as well and she placed a hand on her best friend's forearm. "Maybe if you talk about it, you'll figure out what exactly is bothering you."
"That's not it, Tatsuki-chan. I know what it is; I just don't want to bring you into it."
Tatsuki was slightly hurt by Orihime's response, but her reaction was tempered by Orihime's obvious emotional discord. She straightened, and said, "Well, I'd say I'm already in it; I've been watching you go from the happiest person on earth a few months ago to a girl who is avoiding her boyfriend recently. Has he been pressuring you to do things you don't want to do?"
Orihime took a deep breath and sighed again, realizing that she couldn't avoid the topic with Tatsuki any longer. "It's not what you are thinking, Tatsuki-chan, but technically, yes."
"What!?" Tatsuki roared, furious, but not sure where the conversation was going anymore.
"No! It's nothing sexual or anything like that!" Orihime clarified, sounding surprisingly disappointed at the end.
"Wait a minute. What?" Tatsuki asked, considerably calmer but more confused.
Orihime groaned and let her upper body flop down on Tatsuki's bed, one hand falling over her eyes. "I wish it was that, actually," she admitted quietly, before rolling over onto her stomach and whining. "He seems to be losing interest in me where that is concerned…"
"That's impossible, Hime. Have you seen yourself?"
"Yes! That's why it's even more frustrating!" she half-joked, supplying a lame laugh. "Honestly, Tatsuki, he used to be very, very, interested in the, uh, physical aspect of our relationship, but that kind of dried up a while ago."
"Do you think he's interested in someone else?" Tatsuki asked, although she was quite sure that wasn't the case.
"No, it's not that. It all started that night we went to Asano-san's Karaoke party a couple months ago. We had been, um, making out, and uh…" she stopped herself, not wanting to regale her friend with the tale of Ichigo's embarrassing moment, "uh, he broke a glass and cut his hand. Yeah. So, I healed it with my power. He said it felt really good, and that made me really happy, so I offered to use my power on him once in a while, just for therapeutic purposes. So we tried a few times, and he was really happy about it, which made me really happy too. But, soon, it became the only thing he was really interested in. I mean, he still kisses me goodnight and stuff, and sometimes we still make out, but usually, he is rushing through it, just going through the motions before he can ask me to 'heal' him while he just sits there. More often than not, he falls asleep! All the while, recently at least, all I can think is, 'why am I doing this? What's in it for me?' I know that's selfish, but I'm starting to doubt whether he is with me for me or for what I can give him."
"What the hell? That sounds kind of creepy, Orihime. What's so beneficial for him about it anyway, that he would rather do that than get in your pants?"
"Well, we noticed after doing that for a couple weeks, that his spiritual pressure would increase every time we did it, like, a lot. And if we didn't do it for a while, his spiritual pressure wouldn't get any better."
"Orihime, this isn't right. He's taking advantage of you!"
"No, Tatsuki-chan! I'm sure that isn't it - he's just anxious to regain his powers and he knows that there is nothing he can do until his spiritual pressure is restored… Urahara-san said so in front of all of us."
"Orihime, you just said that you are having doubts about his feelings for you. Obviously the arrangement you two have isn't working for you. You have to tell him how you feel, or this is only going to get worse."
"I know, you're right, I just feel so insecure right now…"
"I can't imagine why…" Tatsuki rolled her eyes and they landed on Orihime's phone. "What did he say, anyway?" She picked up the phone and read the message without waiting for Orihime's response.
December 1, 4:56 p.m.
From: Ichigo Kurosaki
Hey, could you stop over on your way home? I think it's starting to fade again.
"What a dick! Not even a 'how are you'? You know what, Orihime? You should go over there. I should go with you. Maybe he'll get the message if I push it into his face with my fist!"
Orihime smiled sadly at her friend, sorry that she was so upset by her inconsiderate boyfriend. "No, I think you are right though, I should go and talk to him. Actually, can we finish studying tomorrow? I think I better go take care of this while I have the nerve."
Tatsuki looked at her friend with a sympathetic expression. "Alright. But let me know if you change your mind or if he needs an attitude adjustment."
Orihime smiled and left, texting to Ichigo that she was on the way.
Urahara and Ulquiorra stepped through the senkaimon into the shopkeeper's underground training ground. Ulquiorra took a quick look around while Urahara considered his new charge in his new environment.
"Welcome home, Cifer-san. I'm sure you'll be quite comfortable after some adjustments. I'm afraid you'll have to stay down here for a few days while I prepare a few things, but I'll have Ururu bring you a futon and some spare clothes. You appear a bit taller than you were in your previous incarnation so you shouldn't be swimming too badly in a set of my clothes. At least until we can get you some of your own, anyway. I'm sure you are keen to get out of that threadbare yukata!" Urahara was rambling, he knew, but he wasn't prepared for this, and was trying to buy time until he came up with an actual plan. "Well, I will be back down here in a short while. Please feel free to look around. And keep that necklace on that I gave you; the amulet will help you suppress your reiatsu."
"Of course," Ulquiorra answered quietly as he bent to pick up some of the golden sand below his feet, rubbing it between his fingers.
"Right," Urahara said, both anxious to get upstairs and dreading telling his housemates about their new pet project. "Be right back!" and with that, he was gone.
Ulquiorra sat on his haunches and looked up at the false sky above him. It was uncomfortably similar to Las Noches. Everything about this current situation - this current life - was uncomfortable. He remembered who he had been. He had been Ulquiorra Cifer, Cuatro Espada, powerful and empty. Now, he was not sure who he was. He knew he was powerful, but to what extent? He knew he was no longer an Espada, or a hollow at all for that matter. He also knew he was no longer empty inside, and that is what unsettled him the most.
'What is this feeling?' He felt a distinct tightness in his chest and throat. He felt weight on his brows and shoulders. He felt a cold, uncomfortable, energy just below the surface of his skin and acid in his stomach. 'Is this fear? No. There is no threat here. Is this… anxiety?'
Before Ulquiorra had a chance to try to answer himself, he heard a creak from the door opening above him and, looking in that direction, saw a young girl with long black bangs in front of her face throw a bundle over the railing in front of the door, and then approach the ladder. Much to Ulquiorra's shock, instead of beginning the long climb down the ladder, she simply stepped off the balcony and plummeted toward the ground. Ulquiorra was overwhelmed with panic and leapt toward her with an unmanly shriek, hoping to catch her but knowing he wouldn't make it with his reiatsu being suppressed by Urahara's necklace. Just when he was sure the girl was about to meet her doom, she slowed to a gentle stop before she made soft contact with the ground. Ulquiorra stopped, stunned, until he felt gentle ripples of soft reiatsu emanating from the girl.
"Hello," she said softly, not looking at him. She picked up the bundle and walked it to where Ulquiorra stood, still frozen, and held it out to him. She was dwarfed by the size of it, and Ulquiorra could only see the very top of her head as she meekly said, "Here you go."
Urahara returned as Ulquiorra released a quiet, delayed-reaction type of whimper, as if he were chewing on a string of terrified vowels.
Urahara chuckled, "I see you have met Ururu."
Ulquiorra found his natural, underwhelmed, voice again. "Nice to meet you. My name is Ulquiorra," he said, settling his facial features back to neutral.
He took the bundle from Ururu, who looked up at his face, bowed, and disappeared.
"She is a bit shy," Urahara informed him as he approached. Ulquiorra placed the bundle on the ground and looked to Urahara for direction.
"There should be a change of clothes, a futon, and some books and snacks in there for you. I am going to need to take some samples from your spiritual body to get to work on making a gigai for you. Eventually you may not need one anymore, but that is up to you, and kind of a distant future possibility, but for now we've got to focus on getting you above ground and stable. Also, here is a communication device. You can reach me, the kids, Yoruichi-san or Tessai-san with this if you are lonely or need something. I'll send the others whom you haven't met down in a bit."
Urahara snipped some of Ulquiorra's hair and wrapped it in a small cloth, then asked him to open his mouth and swabbed the inside of his cheek. "I'll give you a moment to change, and then I'll collect your yukata and let you rest for a while. It's been a long day."
Ulquiorra nodded as Urahara turned his back to him. As he pulled out the dark green samue pants and side-tie shirt, Urahara spoke, "It's rather a nice coincidence that my typical wardrobe will look so nice with your coloring."
Ulquiorra dressed quickly and held out the yukata he had been wearing, saying, "Here you go. What is my coloring?"
Urahara looked at Ulquiorra in surprise, then gave him a quick full body glance, confirming his previous statement. "Yes. Your skin, hair, and eye color are complemented by the color of my clothes. Take it as a compliment; one needs a bit of flair to pull this look off," he said with pride.
Ulquiorra was at a loss, and his feelings were surprisingly evident on his face, despite his lack of expression. Urahara studied him for a moment, and then his eyes lit up in delight. "You mean, you have not yet seen yourself in this life?" Ulquiorra shook his head. "Well, we shall have to remedy that! Just a moment, please, Cifer-san!"
Urahara dashed out of the underground with the samples and returned a moment later with a vanity mirror. "I'm sorry, this is the biggest one I have in the shop that isn't already nailed to a wall, but it will have to do. Please have a look at yourself," he said, holding out the mirror to Ulquiorra with gleeful anticipation.
Ulquiorra took a step toward Urahara and looked into the mirror. He studied himself with a detached curiosity. He angled his face from side to side as he watched his long, thick, feathery, black hair drape over parts of his face, falling over his nose much like Ururu's at present. His face was familiar to him, but at the same time not, with its fine nose and small down-turned mouth within a heart-shaped face with sharp chin and wide cheekbones. His skin looked healthy but quite fair, although not bone-white as he had remembered. There were no marks on him at all; his skin was like a baby's. His brows were strikingly heavy, and they hooded large green eyes rimmed with thick black lashes. He had been a monster in his previous life, with feral eyes and horns sticking out of his skull. He didn't look like a monster anymore, and he didn't know how he felt about that.
Finally, after looking for some time into the mirror, watching for tear streaks to appear on his cheeks that never did, he pushed the mirror aside gently and said in his velvet timbre, "Thank you, Kisuke Urahara. That is enough," and walked toward the bundle to sort through it and distract himself.
Urahara didn't know what he was expecting, but he was slightly disappointed in Ulquiorra's response. He watched as Ulquiorra started to silently look over the book titles he had provided and considered that perhaps he was just trying to figure things out, just as Urahara was himself.
"I'll be back tomorrow, Cifer-san. Don't forget to reach out with the communicator if you need anything, all it takes is the touch of a button. Have a good evening."
"Thank you," he answered without looking up.
Before Orihime even Knocked on the door, she could feel Ichigo's reiatsu. It was as strong as it was the day before and the day before that when she had used her Rikka on him last. She rolled her eyes gently and sighed. She knew this would be the case, but she was disappointed just the same.
Ichigo opened the door quickly after she knocked, grabbing her by the hand and pulling her toward the stairs, muttering, "finally," in a relieved whisper.
Orihime allowed him to take her upstairs, and watched as he pulled out his desk chair for her and then lay on his bed, looking to the ceiling expectantly. She waited for him to look at her, which took longer than she had hoped it would, and said, "We have to talk."
Ichigo propped up on one elbow and said, "Okay, but can it wait until we're done?"
Orihime was not surprised, but she was still hurt and angry. Part of her wanted to just give in, but then she remembered what Tatsuki had said, and she shook her head saying gently, "No, Kurosaki-kun, it can't."
"What could be so important that it can't wait!? Can't you feel that my reiatsu is fading again?"
"No, I can't, because it's the same as it was before, Kurosaki-kun," she answered as calmly as she could under her growing frustration.
"Even if that's the case, don't you think me getting my powers back as soon as possible is the most important thing!?" he snapped in frustration.
He might as well have slapped her across the mouth. She couldn't speak, and she couldn't stop the bitter disappointment she was feeling from welling up in her eyes. She had known Tatsuki was right and that he'd been taking advantage of her, but to say it so plainly to her that her feelings were lower on his list of priorities than her restoring his reiatsu was a harsh blow. She didn't know what to do, and finally turned to leave.
Ichigo grabbed her wrist as she made for the door. "What the hell, Orihime? What is your problem?"
"What is MY problem?" Orihime shrieked at him, nearly hysterical. She could bear a lot of things. She could forgive a lot of things. But for him to try to turn this around and make her feel like she was the one acting inappropriately was crossing the line.
Ichigo drew back slightly when he saw just how agitated Orihime was. She was shaking and having difficulty breathing. After a pause, she started to sob. Ichigo still couldn't see how he had upset her though, so he reached forward to stroke her shoulder, asking naively, "What's wrong, Orihime?"
Orihime pulled away and tried hard to calm down. She knew her behavior was not helping get her point across at all. Finally, red-faced and tear-stained, she looked Ichigo in the eye and whispered, "I can't do this."
"Oh, okay, sorry, I didn't know. Um, we can do it later then, okay? Just relax a bit," Ichigo said, under the impression that she was just tired or something.
"No, Kurosaki-kun, I can't do this anymore," she replied, gesturing back and forth between the two of them. "I don't know when it happened, but things aren't the same anymore. You are only interested in me restoring you, and after I've done it, you are done with me…" she trailed off looking down at her feet as her face went even redder, ashamed at her inability to hold his interest in her as a woman.
Ichigo was torn. Part of him was feeling an icy wave of dread at the prospect of being dumped, but a larger part of him was angry that she would possibly cut him off from his only avenue toward restoring his power. That part of him was not alone.
As Orihime felt Ichigo's eyes on her, she looked back at them and saw black beginning to lick the around the edges of his sclera. Orihime gasped and backed up against his bedroom door, grasping blindly for the knob. Ichigo was not having it, though, and faster than she could see it happening, he had caged her against the door with one hand on either side of her head.
Orihime began to tremble. She had never felt threatened by Ichigo before, but she did now. He brought his face closer to hers, and before he could say a word, she reacted, squeaking, "I reject!"
A flash of golden light separated the two and Ichigo found himself flung back onto his bed. Orihime ran for it, and didn't stop until she was back at her apartment.
Ichigo shook his head, dazed. He looked back to the spot where Orihime had been and saw his father.
"What did you do?" Isshin growled. Even with Ichigo's depressed sensing abilities, he could feel waves of angry reiatsu radiating off his father.
"I didn't do anything!" he shouted, looking into his father's eyes as his own started to fade back to normal. Isshin didn't miss the change in his son's eyes, however, and before Ichigo knew it, his father had hauled him up by the collar and was looking at him with a hard expression.
"If you didn't do anything, then why is that girl's heart broken?"
Ichigo's eyes went wide as it finally dawned on him that Orihime may have had other reasons for wanting to talk to him. "What do you mean, heartbroken?" he asked carefully.
Isshin was disgusted, and threw Ichigo to the ground, hard. "What the hell is wrong with you that you don't know? Think!"
Ichigo still wasn't sure what the problem was, but he knew he had to do something about it. He got up and gave his father a sideward glance before running down the stairs.
When he got outside his house, Tatsuki was waiting. Before he had a chance to figure out what was going on, she swung her fist up under his chin and had him back on his butt. Ichigo rubbed his chin gently and whined, "This is not a good time, Tatsuki!"
"Not a good time?!" Tatsuki yelled back. "Oh, believe me, I can think of no better time!" She went in for a kick this time, but Ichigo was able to block her. Tatsuki regained her balance, and then tackled Ichigo, pinning him to the ground on his back, and snarled, "This is all your fault. You had better fix this. NOW."
Ichigo pushed her off of him and stood up, still holding onto his now bruised chin. He made a move to take off after Orihime, then paused, looking back at Tatsuki with a pathetic expression. "I don't suppose you want to clue me in as to why she's upset?"
Tatsuki groaned angrily, marched over to Ichigo, and kicked him in the shin.
"Jesus, Tatsuki! Lay off! I just want to make things right!" Ichigo said, making sure there was a good amount of distance between them.
"You are so full of shit, Ichigo, you know that?" Tatsuki said, disgusted. "But, I am going to clue you in, because I don't think Orihime deserves to be let down twice in one night."
Ichigo had thought about what Tatsuki told him the entire walk over to Orihime's apartment. She had explained how he had been taking advantage of Orihime and how she didn't feel like he thought her feelings mattered anymore. To be honest, Ichigo didn't really understand. He had thought Orihime was just as excited as he was at the prospect of him getting his powers back, and the fact that she wasn't disappointed him. Regardless, he did understand that she was hurt and that everyone seemed to be on her side, so he figured an apology was in order.
She opened the door before he even knocked, sensing him there. She saw the bruise on his chin and fought the urge to immediately heal it. Instead, she silently looked at him, waiting to see what he had to say.
"Orihime, I'm sorry," is all he said, and then stepped toward her, intending to hug her. When she stepped backward and turned her back to him, he figured she still wanted to talk and was inviting him in. He went in, taking off his shoes and going to sit on the sofa without looking at her until he had settled. When he looked up, she was still standing by the door. At first he was worried she was going to throw him out, but as she stood there thinking, she slowly closed the door. After a few minutes, she made her way toward him, standing on the opposite side of her low table.
"Kurosaki-kun, did you come here to talk now?" she asked timidly.
"Yes. I'm sorry about how I acted before and I want to hear what you have to say. Please…"
"Ok. Here's the thing, and today was the perfect example: over the past few months our relationship has changed, and not for the better. We somehow have gone from boyfriend and girlfriend to something else. All you seem interested in is me restoring you."
"Now, that's not true, Orihime. Just this past weekend we watched a movie and, um, hung out." He interjected, alluding to their most recent lackluster make-out session.
"There it is, Kurosaki-kun. I guess you don't see it. Did you realize I stopped using your given name a long time ago? Do you notice that you rush through whatever plans we make so we can get to me restoring you? Do you notice that since this started, I have actually been going out of my way to avoid you? I feel like you are using me." Her voice was getting more and more agitated as she continued, and tears started to spring forth from her eyes again, "When did you stop caring for me as a person, Kurosaki-kun? Or did you never have real feelings for me in the first place?"
Ichigo was blindsided. He really didn't see what she saw, and he was offended. "How can you even say that, Orihime? Or do you prefer Inoue now?" he yelled up to her. He immediately regretted his outburst as she ran to her bedroom and started to wail.
Ichigo dragged a palm down his face, wincing when he got to his bruised chin, and considered his options. He didn't want to break up, and he couldn't have her angry at him long-term; he needed her or he would never get his powers back. If he had to swallow his pride in order to placate her, he would do it.
He waited a few minutes until her crying had tapered off to a soft hiccupping, and then knocked on her doorframe. "Orihime, you're right. I'm sorry. I have been a jerk," he said as he knelt beside her bed. She sighed and quieted, waiting for him to continue.
Being there like that, he remembered how he felt back when he had brought her home from his birthday party, and how he had looked at her then, thinking she was the most beautiful girl in the world, and how he would do anything for her. He had the disturbing realization that he felt much differently now. Not that he didn't think she was beautiful; of course he did. But now, he realized that she was right; he did place his needs over hers in this situation, and, when he really thought about it, he wasn't sorry about that.
He was sorry for hurting her feelings, though, and he decided his best course would be honesty. He reached out to stroke her shoulder, and then pulled on it gently to get her to roll over and look at him.
"Orihime, you mean a lot to me. Knowing that you feel so badly hurts more than my chin right now," he offered with a small chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. Although it didn't make her feel better, she wasn't upset further. He continued. "You are right about one thing though, I am kind of obsessed with getting my powers back. And honestly, I am not sorry about that; I need them to protect you, after all."
Orihime smiled at that sentiment and sniffed loudly before sitting up. "I guess I can understand that, Kurosaki-kun, but I think we should set some boundaries. That will protect us both from having unrealistic expectations."
"Okay, like what?" he asked reluctantly.
"Like having specific times for me to restore your reiatsu, and those times are not to overlap with us doing other things together."
Ichigo wasn't thrilled with the proposal, but knew it was better than losing her. "Alright."
"And you know, Kurosaki-kun, maybe you can ask Urahara-san to try training you again; you've reached a reiatsu level now where I think it might be useful."
Ichigo perked up at that suggestion. "That's good idea. Do you want to come?"
"Yes, actually. I think he ought to hear how you've been progressing from both of us."
AN: Thanks for reading; please please please leave me a review! I hope I didn't piss anyone off too much.