Sorry for the slight delay. Family stuff came up. Anyway, Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. With that said, Enjoy.

Chapter 11: Ganymede Envy

Over on the southside of Pentagram City, there sits a tower over a hundred stories tall, each with an area only slightly smaller than that of Vatican City. And at the very top of that tower, there sits a gleaming palace of light; the home of Hell's Royal Family. And within this palace, in the Grand Ballroom to be precise, the undisputed and utterly terrifying King of Hell, Lucifer Morningstar Magne, was having the time of his extremely long life.

For those of you fortunate enough not to currently be in Hell, allow me to explain.

Today was the blessed/infernal anniversary of His Royal Highness' marriage to the lovely and equally terrifying Lilith of Eden, and as per their tradition, she was performing a private concert for her beloved husband and his entire extended family; minus two.

This year she'd composed an aria dedicated to her husband's all-time favorite subject; love. And not just their own love, but all the joys and pains of lovers throughout the millennia. The lyrics were all in the ancient language of the Angels, which doesn't translate well into English. So rather than trying, I shall instead attempt to summarize.

After the verse about their own whirlwind romance, she sang of Psyche, who overcame numerous trials to prove herself worthy of her beloved Eros. Then she sang of Orpheus, who ventured into the Underworld to rescue his wife Eurydice, only to stumble just before crossing the finish line. Then came Pygmalion, who carved his perfect woman out of ivory and prayed to Aphrodite until she came to life. Followed by Aphrodite herself, who watched in horror as her beloved Adonis was torn apart by a wild boar. Next came Zeus, whose extramarital escapades were as numerous as the stars. Followed by Myrrha, who was unjustly punished for the victimless crime of loving her father too much. But by far Lucifer's favorite verse was the one dedicated to Ganymede.

Oh, blessed Ganymede, the beautiful young man who won the heart of Zeus. Ganymede whose fairness earned him a place at Zeus' side as his faithful drink bearer. Ganymede who the divine ruler of the heavens loved more than anyone else, even his own wife. Ganymede whose story made the Dark King's heart swell with immeasurable joy and envy.

As per usual, Lucifer had a front row seat and was flanked by six of the seven members of his inner circle; Samael, Beelzebub, Azazel, Mammon. Moloch and Belial. The seventh member was off on an important mission for her beloved King, to whom she was eternally loyal and grateful.

But regardless, the aria soon came to a climactic finish and the host of Fallen Angels went up in thunderous applause; Lucifer, of course, clapping the loudest.

"Bravo! Bravissimo!" the Light Bearer shouted at the top of his voice. "Magnífica! Wunderbar! Fantastique! Well done, my Delightful Dove! Well done!"

Lilith gave a bow to the audience, but then left the stage without saying a word.

Naturally, this was extremely out of character for such a flashy performer and it caused some rumblings within the crowd, but luckily their Supreme Leader was there to calm them down.

"Okay, Brothers and Sisters, settle down." Lucifer said as he stood up on his chair so everyone could see him. "Now obviously my beloved is just a little tired right now, so there's not gonna be any encores. But that doesn't mean we have to stop having fun. AZ, BZ, go get the karaoke machine. Mam, Molly, break out the Twister Mat! Belle, tell the kitchen staff to bring up every bottle of champagne they can find. This is supposed to be a party, people. So let's party!"

And with that, the ballroom erupted into another round of thunderous applause.

With his Legion momentarily pacified, Lucifer silently signaled for Samael to follow him and the two snuck quietly out the back.

For those of you who don't already know, Samael, or 'Sammy' as some liked to call him, was Lucifer's right hand man and favorite brother. Which was ironic considering that they were basically polar opposites. While Lucifer was flashy and flamboyant, Samael was conservative and kind of bland. His jet black hair was always short and neatly trimmed, he was always dressed in dark business suits and his voice was always in a soft monotone. Honestly, he was kind of a drag, but he was brutally efficient in his work and he made for the perfect straight man, so the King loved having him around; especially in a crisis, such as right now.

"You know what this is about, don't you?" Samael asked his master as he adjusted his glasses.

"Of course I know what it's about. It's the same thing it's been about for eight friggin' months." Lucifer replied before groaning in exasperation. "Lily's been so upset lately she won't even spoon with me anymore. We haven't had sex in over five weeks."

"Ouch."

"Tell me about it. I thought for sure I could at least make her happy on our anniversary. But no, it's just more of the same."

Seconds later, they arrived at their destination; the Royal Bed Chamber, where the Queen was sure to be.

"Watch the door, Sammy." The King told his loyal second. "And don't let anyone disturb us, no matter what."

"As you command, my Brother." Samael replied with a bow.

And with that, Lucifer slowly opened the door and peeked his head inside.

"Hello~ My Darling Lilypad-OOOF!"

Once his eyes readjusted, the Dark King realized that he'd been hit in the face by a flying pillow, thrown by his beloved Queen, who was sitting on their bed and scowling at him.

"I sense that you're still upset."

"Now why would you ever think that, My Husband?" Lilith asked sarcastically, still glaring daggers at him. "Just because our Daughter isn't here to celebrate our anniversary with us for the first time since her birth? Just because she's down there with the unwashed masses instead of at home where it's safe? Just because you forced me to block her number so I have to worry every second of the day whether she's been shot or stabbed or violated? No, I haven't a care in the world."

"Now, Sweetness-OOOF!"

Another pillow to the face.

"Will you please stop doing that?"

"Bring her home and then I'll stop."

"Lilith, we've been over this. The plan only works if Charlie comes back on her own."

"Oh, fie on you and your stupid plan!" the Queen shouted as she threw another pillow at her husband's face. "Our Daughter is living amongst killers and crack addicts and all you care about is some crackpot scheme you cooked up with one of your flunkies!"

"Now, Precious-OOOF! I'm only thinking-OOOF! About what's best-OOOF! For our Daughter's-OOOF! You know you're going to run out of pillows eventually!"

"I'll have the servants bring more!"

"Lilith!" Lucifer shouted furiously, before taking a deep breath to calm himself down. "Can we please not do this today? Can we please just sit down and talk this out like husband and wife? After all these millennia, haven't I earned at least that much?"

"Fine." Lilith conceded, albeit begrudgingly. "You may sit beside me. But don't you dare touch me!"

"Fair enough." The Dark King replied as he took a seat on the bed beside his Queen. "See this? This is me not touching you. This is me respecting your boundaries."

"Oh shut up."

"Hey now, that is not the way husbands and wives talk to each other."

"Fine… I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted. Now look, Sweetness. Sigh. I know you don't approve of how I've chosen to handle this situation. And I know you're worried about Charlie's safety. But I also know you, and the Lilith I know has too much faith in our Daughter and our future Daughter-in-Law to think they can't take care of themselves. So please, tell me what's really bothering you."

"Sigh. It's just… lately it feels like you don't even care about her anymore." Lilith admitted. "You don't call her. You don't let anyone else call her. And now you've forced me to perform on our anniversary like nothing's changed."

"Forced you? But Darling, you love to perform. I was only trying to help you take your mind off all this. At least for one day." Lucifer explained, earning another, slightly less intense glare from his spouse. "But… I now realize that I was wrong, and that I should've been more sensitive to your feelings. I'm sorry, Lilith."

"Do you have any idea what it's like to sing a song about love while your heart is breaking?"

"I can't say that I do."

"It's unbearable! I just… I want everything to go back to the way it was."

"I know, Precious. But it's not going to be much longer. I promise."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because Vaggie's last update was very reassuring. According to her, none of those idiots are taking Charlie's program even remotely seriously. All they do is drink and argue over movie trivia. Hell, one of them tried to kill themselves by drinking mouthwash."

"Oh my."

"Exactly. Even Charlie can't ignore the reality of her situation forever. Before too much longer, she'll realize that those scumbags aren't worth the effort. Then she'll give up and come back home and everything can go back to normal, except that she'll be much wiser from the experience."

"I… I suppose you're right."

"Of course I am. And once she's finally over all this redemption nonsense, we can get our Daughter focused on more important matters. Like planning her and Vaggie's wedding. I know how much you've been looking forward to that."

This time Lilith said nothing, but instead offered her devoted husband a loving smile. Clearly his words had soothed her, if only for the time being.

"That's my girl." Lucifer said affectionately; treating her to his own toothy grin. "And please, try not to let this get to you. I promise, by this time next year, this whole thing will just be an ugly memory."

Again the Queen said nothing, but her expression softened considerably. And for a moment it seemed that all was well.

Until…

SLAM!

Suddenly the door flew open and two of Lucifer's younger brothers, Beelzebub and Azazel, came stumbling in; followed swiftly by Samael.

"Damnit, Sammy!" the Dark King cursed at his right hand man. "I gave you one job!"

"Sorry, Apple Daddy. But's it's important." Beelzebub said frantically.

"It's about Charlie." Azazel added.

And just like that, the Light Bearer's heart sank.

"Charlie? Oh Lord. What happened? Is she alright? What did she do now?"

"See for yourself." Samael replied before handing him his smart phone, with the screen opened to a page on the Channel 666 News Website; the headline read as follows.

Princess Dumps Her Girlfriend

"What the hell is this tabloid shit?" Lucifer asked furiously. "And what stupid, soon to be skinless media parasite dares to defy my gag order?"

"Watch the video." Beelzebub suggested, and the King decided to do just that.

Scrolling down just a bit, he found the video they were talking about and, to little surprise, discovered that it was a clip from a news segment by Katie Killjoy and Tom Trench that had aired earlier that same day. Understandably enraged, but also curious, Lucifer clicked the play button and shut out all distractions.

"…leaving thousands without food or water." Said the smarmy gasmask faced man as he finished up whatever story he'd been reporting. "And now onto the lighter side. Katie, I believe you've got something special for us today?"

"That's right, Tom." The insectoid whore replied with an insincere smile. "Folks, the Princess of Hell is in the news yet again, but not for the reason you might think."

Almost immediately, Lucifer's blood began to boil.

"Earlier today, this station received footage from an anonymous source, depicting a heated domestic dispute between everyone's favorite easy target and her long time fuck-buddy." Katie continued before allowing her on-air persona to slip away completely. "Oh, who am I kidding? It was me. I filmed the whole thing. Now roll the tape!"

Suddenly, the scene changed to a Blair Witch, guerilla style view of the inside of some bushes. Then, the camera slowly raised itself out of the shrubbery and zoomed into a nearby window; giving the audience and the Dark King a shaky but clear view of a very familiar looking parlor.

In it, Lucifer saw his Daughter, his future Daughter-in-Law, and an unidentified demon in a straw sunhat. And, like the news whore had said, they were having a heated argument.

"That's it! You're gone!" Vaggie shouted furiously at the unknown demon. "Go pack up your shit and get out!"

"Vaggie, you're not being fair." Charlie protested. "Marcy didn't do anything wrong."

"Stay out of this, Charlie!" her future wife barked before intensifying her glare at the one called 'Marcy'. "Messing with me is one thing, but Charlie could've been seriously hurt because of your stupid bullshit! Even a two year old knows you never pick a fight with a fucking Fomorian!"

"Hey, I didn't start shit!" 'Marcy' spat back with equal intensity. "That bitch Helsa was insulting Charlie! I was just defending her honor! What, you're telling me you wouldn't've done the same?"

"That's different!"

"How?"

"Because I know what I'm doing! I can handle myself in a fight! You are just some lovesick, stalker dipshit!"

"Say that again! I dare you!"

"That's enough!" Charlie stepped in, looking like she was on the verge of tears. "Vaggie, please stop this. I know you feel threatened by Marcy, but you have to know that I would never…"

"Threatened?" Vaggie repeated defensively. "I am not threatened by her! What the hell do I have to be threatened by? Some talentless street performer in a stupid hat?"

"Talentless?" 'Marcy' repeated furiously.

"That's right! You heard me! Everyone thinks you're so great because of your voice, but if they bothered to listen to any of your lyrics they'd realize you suck! Half your songs are just you whining about your dad, and the rest are just bland, pretentious, nihilistic bullshit! You're a hack and you know it!"

"I'll kill you!"

And once again, Charlie had to get between them; this time quite literally. After struggling to keep them apart for about a minute, she finally managed to pull Vaggie aside.

"Vaggie, please stop this. You're scaring me."

"Charlie, I… I'm just trying to look out for you. I know you always try to see the best in people, but trust me, Marceline is dangerous. So please, for my sake and yours, throw her out."

"Marcy's not dangerous. She's the best patient we have. I need her!"

"Fine! Then I'll throw her out for you."

"What? You can't do that!"

"Oh yes I can! This might be your hotel, but it's running off my sweat and my blood, so I get a say in how we run it! And I say she's out of here!"

"No she's not!

"Ugh! God damn it! Will you just listen to me for once! I'm not gonna let you risk your life for one of your stupid ideas!"

'Oh shit.' Lucifer thought, and judging from the look on her face, Vaggie had thought the same thing.

"Stupid?" Charlie repeated, once again on the verge of tears. "You think my ideas are stupid?"

"Charlie, I… I didn't… I didn't mean… It just slipped out… I…"

"I see." The Princess said coldly as her sorrow began to mix with anger. "Well it's nice to know how you really feel."

"But Charlie…"

"You're fired."

"But Charlie, listen…"

"I said you're fired! Now get out!"

And abruptly, the scene shifted back to the news room, where the two anchors were busy laughing their asses off.

"Hot damn! That just gets better every time I see it." Said Katie Killjoy in between her cruel guffaws. "Who knew Little Miss Dancy Pants had it in her?"

"She is one nasty bitch." Said Tom Trench before adding. "Think she'd go out with me now that she's single?"

"Everything you say disgusts me, Tom."

FWHOOOSH!

Without even thinking, Lucifer incinerated the phone and then crushed the ashes in his hand.

This was not good.

This was 1000% not good!

His Daughter had just made, by far, the absolute stupidest decision of her entire life. His Wife, who had just gotten over her latest bout of hysteria, had fainted from the shock. And he was on the verge of atomizing his entire palace in a fit of rage.

But thankfully, the Dark King knew better than to succumb to such shallow emotions. So instead he just turned to his brothers and smiled.

"Oh Sammy~" he said sweetly, despite still shaking with anger.

"Yes, Brother?" Samael replied.

"I want that little muckraker eliminated!"

End Notes:

Remember way back at the beginning when Prismo said that traveling to a timeline outside one's own multiverse was extremely dangerous and that just the act of being there could stir up a proverbial hurricane of unforeseen consequences? This is the kind of thing he was talking about.

Anyway, thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next one.

Peace.