Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. With that said, Enjoy.

Chapter 14: Life in the Red Light

Although she was currently in the depths of Hell, Marceline felt like she was in Heaven. The last few weeks had been some of the best of her entire life; all 1000+ years of it. Ever since Charlie kicked Vaggie to the curb, she'd been sticking to her like glue. At first the Vampire Queen was just a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on, but in time she became much more to the Demon Princess. They spent almost every hour of the day together. Group Sessions, Private Sessions, Jam Sessions, sometimes even helping her balance the books on the Hotel; although math was never her strong suit, so Baxter usually had to check their work.

And the best part was, there was no guilt. Marceline hadn't done anything sneaky or dishonest to get this. Vaggie had screwed herself. She was free and clear. So there was absolutely no reason at all for her to feel guilty about any of this.

Nope.

No reason at all.

"Marcy?"

"No I didn't!" the Vampire Queen blurted out suddenly, before remembering where she was and who she was with. "Oh, uh… sorry, Charlie. My mind was somewhere else. You were saying?"

"I was saying that I really appreciate everything you've been doing these last few weeks." The Demon Princess said as they continued their leisurely stroll down one of the Hotel's many hallways. "To be honest, after I fired Vaggie, a part of me was worried I was making a huge mistake. We'd been together for so long that I was beginning to think I couldn't do anything without her; let alone run this Hotel. But you've just been so supportive throughout this whole ordeal, I… I don't know what I'd do without you. Thank you so much."

"No problem." Marceline replied, blushing a little at the compliment. "Listen, I know this is kinda personal, so feel free not to answer if you don't want to. But… since you mentioned her, how are things between you and Vaggie? I mean, have you given any thought to, you know, getting back together?"

"Sigh. To tell you the truth I'm not sure." The Demon Princess admitted somberly. "I was so mad at her at first that I never wanted to see her again. But then when I saw her crying and stuffing herself I just felt so bad for her. But now that I know she doesn't really believe in my Redemption Plan, it makes me wonder what else she's been lying to me about. I just… I don't know what to think anymore. It's just so weird not having her around."

"What are you talking about?"

"I just meant it feels so strange not having Vaggie here, ever since she moved out."

"Uh… Vaggie didn't move out. She moved in with Niffty." The Vampire Queen explained, genuinely surprised that Charlie didn't already know this.

"What? No, that can't be right. I would've seen… Vaggie would've at least tried to… She and Niffty aren't even… Why would she move in with Niffty?"

"I don't know, but it's been going on for weeks now. And ever since they moved in together, I haven't heard Vaggie cry once. In fact, I've heard them both laughing a couple of times. Seems like they're getting pretty close, if you know what I mean."

"Oh… I see…" Charlie replied somberly before forcing herself to smile. "Well… good for them."

And with that, the Demon Princess turned away from Marceline and started walking down the hall in the opposite direct.

"Is something wrong?" the Vampire Queen asked concernedly.

"No, it's… it's nothing. I just… need to be alone for a little bit."

"Oh, well… okay. Sure, you do whatever you want. So, I guess we'll hang out later then?"

"Yeah… later."

And before Marceline could say another word, she was gone.

Okay, so that hadn't gone exactly as planned. Bumming Charlie out was pretty much the opposite of what she was trying to do. But no matter. Her pretty, pretty princess wouldn't even remember Vaggie's name once she enacted her cleverest and most romantic plan to date. Soon Charlie would be all hers and they would be that much closer to leaving this God forsaken pit forever.

But as she floated down the hall, snickering about her impending triumph, a familiar figure blocked her path. It was Crymini, with her arms crossed and a disapproving scowl on her face.

"Can I help you?"

"You disgust me." The Irish Hellhound said bluntly.

"What?"

"Don't you 'what' me. I heard the whole thing. You're trying to trick Charlie into falling in love with you."

"No I'm not!" Marceline said defensively.

"Then why did you just lie to her about Vaggie?"

"Hey, everything I said was true! She did move in with Niffty and I really did hear them laugh a couple times."

"Yeah, but the way you told it, you made it sound like they were falling in love."

"Do you know for sure that they aren't?"

"You make me sick. I can't even look at you right now."

"Hey, I'm just trying to help Charlie get over her breakup. And if she just happens to fall in love with me in the process, then that's her decision." The Vampire Queen rationalized. "And anyway, where the fuck do you get off trying to highroad me? You once broke a guy's kneecaps because you didn't like his tie."

"At least I didn't destroy his relationship."

"You don't know that!"

"Look, all I'm saying is that if you stopped to think about it, you'd realize that what you're doing to Charlie is no better than what that Ash bloke once tried to do to you."

Suddenly, Marceline's blood began to boil.

"That is completely different!" she yelled defensively.

"How? You're trying to make her think what you want her to. So if it's not exactly the same, it's pretty damn close and it makes me sick."

"You know what. Fuck you. You don't know anything about anything. You're just a stupid, messed up kid. I didn't make Charlie kick Vaggie to the curb. I didn't make her come to me for comfort. I haven't done anything wrong, so just back off!"

But the Irish Hellhound was not fazed by her shouting. So instead of retaliating, she just shrugged and said,

"Whatever you say, Svengali."

And with that, she left Marceline to fume in solitude.

And fume she did. How dare that little brat compare her to a weenis like Ash. She was nothing like that vain, lying, selfish prick. Sure, she was technically lying to Charlie to get her to fall in love with her, but it was more for her benefit than her own. Once they were both in love, she could whisk the Demon Princess far away from this horrible place. To the Land of Ooo, where there was sunshine, flowers and loads of friendly people. Yes Sir, Marceline was definitely the hero of this story.

Definitely.

Just then, a familiar snicker caught her ear. As expected, it was Angel Dust, who strolled up beside her from seemingly out of nowhere.

"Nice performance." The spider demon said amusedly. "But what do you do for an encore?"

"Go away, Angel. I'm not in the mood." The Vampire Queen said gruffly before attempting to turn away, only for the porn star to pop up right in front of her.

"Hey, what's with all the hostility? I'm on your side, baby."

"Yeah right."

"No, I'm serious. Honest Injun. I think you and Charlie are made for each other and I wanna help make it happen."

"You wanna help me win Charlie's heart?" Marceline asked suspiciously. "Why?"

"Because I'm a sucker for romance."

"No seriously, why do you wanna help?"

"Ugh. Fine. It's my day off, I'm out of drugs and I'm bored as shit. So do you want my help or not?"

Naturally, the Vampire Queen was dubious of Angel's sudden interest in her quest for true love. He was, after all, a notorious troublemaker. But on the other hand, there was a slight hiccup with her cleverest, most romantic plan to date, and the spider demon was in a unique position to help her.

"Well… I just wrote a new song for Charlie, and I was hoping to make it into a music video. Know where I can get a camera?"

"Sure, I got a spare one down at the office. Just give me a ride and we can pick it up before lunch." Angel Dust replied casually. "You can fly, right?"

XXX

The headquarters of the aptly named Porn Studios was in the heart of Hell's Red Light District.

But how, you ask, as well you should, can one tell the difference between the Red Light District and the rest of this Inferno of Suffering? Well, the answer is actually quite simple.

In the Red Light District, the rent is much higher.

Which made sense, at least to Marceline, as she and Angel exited the elevator onto the 23rd Floor.

When you hear a name like 'Porn Studios', you get these pictures in your head of seedy motel rooms and dark, dingy basements hastily transformed into sets for malnourished smack addicts to fornicate upon in front of an old camcorder. However, the genuine article was much more upscale. The outside resembled some sort of vintage Las Vegas hotel, albeit a tastelessly decorated one, while the interior was setup like a legitimate movie studio.

The ground floor was setup like the lobby of an ordinary office building and it seemed to serve no other purpose than to allow visitors to buy souvenirs or ask about tours. From the directory next to the elevator, Marceline learned that the next seven floors were designated as 'Administration and Accounting', 'Props and Costumes', 'Writing and Set Design', 'Music and Merchandise', 'Publication and Public Relations' and 'Asset Habitation Levels 1 and 2'. While all subsequent floors were listed as 'Production', with the exception of Floor 28, which was labeled 'VIP Lounge'.

As they exited the elevator, Marceline found herself in a long, neon lit hallway lined with at least a dozen steel doors. Each door had a small paper sign taped to the outside with words like 'Burning Bushes', 'Battle of the Bulge' and 'Red Hot Kaiju Love' written in black. The Vampire Queen quickly realized that these must be porno titles and that the doors much lead to soundstages where they were being filmed. This Valentino guy might've been a demonic scumbag, but he ran a pretty slick operation.

Anyway, as they reached the end of the hall, the duo entered a large, open area filled with makeup tables and changing curtains. All around them, demons of every size, shape and orientation darted about like spider monkeys on speed; swapping outfits and fixing their hair as if their lives depended on it. And considering that this was Hell, they probably did.

They had gotten about halfway through this sea of confusion when something caught Angel's eye, causing him to veer off course.

"Candy! Ginger! Snowflake!" the spider demon called out excitedly to a trio of 'actors' who had been chatting amongst themselves. "Guess who came to visit?"

"Is that Angel Dust I hear? Well I'll be dipped." Said a stout little boar demon delightedly.

"Uh-oh~ Call Chris Hansen. We got a predator in the house." Joked a tall thin deer demon.

"Say, Angel, who's the cutie pie?" asked a stork demon, the only male of the trio. "When I heard you were trying to go straight, I didn't think you meant like this."

"Nah, Nah, it ain't like that. Marcy's just a friend." Angel Dust explained casually. "Gang, this is Marcy. Marcy, this is Candy, Ginger and Snowflake. Some of the best and brightest in the business."

"Oh, go on." Said Candy the boar, feigning modesty.

"So Angie? Is your friend here for an audition?" asked Ginger the doe. "She's a little flat in the chest, but with an ass like hers, eh… she just might have a future in this industry."

Marceline blushed profusely at the 'compliment'.

'Why is everyone staring at my butt down here?' she asked herself internally.

"Nah, she ain't into that. She just needs a camera for a little pet project, so we're gonna borrow one from storage." Angel Dust explained.

"Yeah, well, whatever you're doing, you better make it fast. Big V's on a fucking warpath. Something's got him pissed." Warned Snowflake the stork.

"So what? He's always pissed. Everyone's pissed. We're in Hell."

"Not like this, Angel. He's torching Soul Contracts like they're going out of style. Hell, he's so ticked he might even burn yours."

"But wouldn't that be a good thing?" asked the Vampire Queen, earning some confused stares from the porn star trio. "What? If Valentino burns his contract, that means he doesn't own his soul anymore. He'd be free."

The trio continued to stare at her like she'd just drooled on herself, until Angel finally elucidated.

"She's new."

And then they immediately understood.

"Am I missing something?" Marceline asked confusedly.

"Look, Cupcake, working for Big V might not be glamourous, but it's a hell of a lot better than being a free agent. Especially this close to the next Cleansing." Candy said matter-of-factly.

"I don't understand."

"It's like this," Snowflake began. "When you sell your soul to an upper level demon like Valentino, it puts a sort of… invisible mark on you. So everyone knows who you belong to, and so that no other demons will fuck with you without getting your boss' permission."

"Okay, but what does that have to do with the Cleansing?"

"You see, the Exterminators, the Angels that come down here to do the Cleansing, they wear these creepy masks that keep them from seeing or hearing any of the demons they kill. Keeps the whole thing impersonal." The stork demon explained. "All they 'see' is a demon's aura. And when they look at a marked demon, to them it's the same as looking at an upper level demon. Get the picture?"

"Not really."

"Oy vey." Angel Dust groaned in exasperation. "Look, Angels don't wanna be down here anymore than we do, but they're not allowed to go home until they've culled about 45% of the population. So to get their job over with quicker, they always target the lower demons first. Imps, Hellhounds, demons like us, the kind that usually go down with one hit. But higher ups like the Overlords and the Goetic Demons, they usually avoid like the plague because they take too much effort. You know, unless one of them does something stupid to piss them off. So as long as you're marked, you'll look like an upper level demon to them and they'll leave you alone. Get it now?"

"Yeah, I get it." Marceline replied, somewhat sullenly. "So you have to choose between slaving away for some abusive dickhead or getting erased from existence? That's so unfair."

"If life were ever gonna start being fair, it wouldn't start in Hell." Ginger postulated.

"Ah, it ain't so bad down here." Angel asserted confidently. "Sure, the air stinks and the sky looks like blood, but at least you know who your friends are. Heaven for climate, Hell for company. Heh-Heh. That's Shakespeare, by the way. Who says I ain't cultured."

"Just everyone who knows you." Said a new voice with dry condescension. "And that quote was from Mark Twain, not Shakespeare. Not that I'd expect a cretin like you to know the difference."

Moments later, the owner of said voice walked into the picture, revealing himself to be a tall, lanky peacock demon dressed like an extra from Rocky Horror.

"Oh, Hello Dalton." The spider demon said dryly. "I thought I smelled mediocrity."

"So, the old man decides to grace us with his presence today? How charming." Dalton replied, clearly unfazed by Angel's jab. "And what's this? Touring the straight scene for a change? Finally expanding your repertoire? About damn time."

"We're just friends. We're not sleeping together." The Vampire Queen asserted before mentally adding, 'There's not enough money or penicillin in the world.'

"A wise decision." The peacock demon replied amusedly. "Because in spite of the hype, the old man over there is just a one trick pony. Whereas I've been playing for both teams since Oswald was framed. Let me know if you're ever in the mood for a real virtuoso."

Marceline silently repeated her last thought.

"Buzz off, Dalton." Angel Dust spoke up annoyedly. "Don't you have an S&M flic to half-ass?"

"Go ahead. Make your little jokes." Dalton replied before getting all up in the spider demon's face. "But we both know it's just a cover. We both know that your days around here are numbered."

"You don't know jack shit."

"I know that you're losing your edge. Hell, you've been relying on the same old moves for the last two decades, and the fans are starting to notice it too. Face it, Grandpa, you've run out of steam. No wonder everyone laughs at you."

"Nobody laughs at me!"

"Oh yes they do. They laugh at you. They laugh at your moves. They laugh at that stupid, Al Capone, Bugs Bunny way you talk. You're nothing but a tired old joke."

For reasons even she didn't fully understand, Marceline did not like the way this Dalton guy was talking to Angel Dust. So without even thinking, she grabbed a handful of the peacock demon's tailfeathers and yanked them out as hard as she could; ripping off a fair bit of flesh in the process.

Almost instantly, Dalton let out a loud, girlish shriek as he grabbed hold of his injured ass and bolted out of the room in tears. Naturally, everyone had themselves a good laugh at his expense, including the Vampire Queen herself, who felt strangely proud of herself for standing up for her 'friend'.

"Nice work, toots." The spider demon said gratefully as he placed an arm around her shoulder. "No let's go get that camera."

End Notes:

Thanks for reading. See you in the next one.

Peace.