Chapter Two - "Honor and Heart"

A/N #1: Super quick shout out to my Timeless friend, Dardanelle, for her thoughtful encouragement when I really needed it :) and now, let's try and get inside gorgeous, stubborn Wyatt Logan's head...

"The strongest soldier cannot balance long upon the blade that does divide his honor and his heart, and whatever way he falls, the cut will kill him." - Susanna Kearsley

Naturally, Wyatt knew the second he and Jess walked into the kitchen exactly who was practically hiding in plain sight on the sofa a few feet away from them. He might've been rather preoccupied with making up for lost time with his wife the past couple of days, but still, the need to know where Lucy Preston was at all times had become (and remained) as essential to his sanity as the air he needed to breathe. His protective attitude was certainly not a big secret among his teammates, not after Wyatt's frantic reaction when Flynn took Lucy hostage in 1780, and more recently, his brooding behavior during the six weeks she'd been missing.

Despite his happiness at Jessica's return, however, he felt no need to share this particular piece of information with her since it was highly unlikely his occasionally possessive wife would appreciate-let alone forgive-Wyatt's emotional bond with a woman who wasn't her. Besides, the bunker's newest resident was understandably confused enough as it was by the surreal concepts of time travel and alternate time lines that it seemed easier to downplay his strong connection with Lucy until things settled down some (or at least until she became more comfortable with the rather bizarre situation he'd dragged her into).

Huh. Bizarre didn't even come close, Wyatt considered wryly. At times since receiving the text from Jess, Wyatt felt like he was standing outside himself, watching some other guy try and deal with the sheer insanity of what his life consisted of now...a suddenly not-dead wife, his new (but now ex) lover and a handful of pretending-to-be-dead teammates hiding out with him in a secret underground bunker from an evil organization bent on re-writing history to suit their twisted vision. Not even super spy/author Ian Fleming could've written a book this flat out crazy...

Adding to the tense atmosphere, while it'd only been a few days since he'd brought Jess to the bunker (to the extreme, lingering displeasure of his superior), Wyatt was already uncomfortably aware he wasn't the only one trying to adjust to the up to now unimaginable circumstances. After dozens of jumps over the last year, what the hell had the team finally done in the past to prevent his wife's death in 2012? He honestly had no clue, still trying to make sense of it all.

Thankfully, at least things seemed to progressing rather well with Jess. What troubled Wyatt more at the moment was the depressing realization Lucy appeared to be avoiding him whenever possible. Once again, his best friend was struggling to deal with a traumatic loss–which in this case, was him. Jesus, how much more could she take? he wondered guiltily, uncomfortably cognizant of his own part in causing her pain.

Regrettably, this deeply ingrained habit of keeping tabs on Lucy, however–honed to perfection over the months spent together since this dangerous mission began–had only grown in intensity after he and Rufus brought her home from 1918, and breaking the habit was proving to be far more difficult than he imagined. Good Lord, Wyatt had already lost her too many times to count since the three of them had begun jumping through time, and each instance filled his heart with a powerful fear assuaged only when he was certain Lucy was safe.

He'd barely gotten over the stress of leaving her behind in 1954 Washington, DC (with freakin' Garcia Flynn of all people) when a new, even more insidious threat had cropped up, one none of them had seen coming. Combined with Wyatt fighting with everything he had to recover from his severe injuries after the savage destruction of Mason Industries, those terrible weeks he and Lucy had been separated tested his (never abundant to begin with) patience to the nth degree...

Flashback

Waking up in the team's rather depressing secret 'hideout' who knew how long after the massive explosion, the first words out of a groggy Wyatt's mouth weren't about him or the unfamiliar surroundings which strangely, looked nothing like a hospital. Where's Lucy? he mumbled, blinking and shaking his head. Lying on his stomach, Wyatt instinctively tried to roll over, wincing at the fiery pain in his back while cursing the cloth restraints securely tethering him to the narrow, uncomfortable cot. What the hell?

"Easy, Master Sergeant," Agent Christopher cautioned quietly from the open doorway, stepping forward to awkwardly pat his bare shoulder before thankfully loosening the restraints. "You need to lie still now or you'll tear your stitches. The surgeons tried to remove as much shrapnel from your back as they could, but unfortunately, likely due to the hard knock on the head you took, your blood pressure dropped dangerously low during the procedure, and they were forced to close you up before all of it was removed. I'm sorry. The restraints were necessary to keep you immobile while you were unconscious." Since injuries were just part of the job, Wyatt ignored her concern over his condition, far more worried about his missing teammate's whereabouts.

Resting his cheek on the lumpy pillow in weary resignation, he suppressed the instinct to jump out of bed and start looking for Lucy himself. Where was she? Was she okay? Wyatt worried. Forcing himself to remain on his stomach, he turned to eye his superior. "Where's Lucy?" he repeated gruffly. Crouching beside the bed to speak with him face to face, the succinct conversation with Agent Christopher did absolutely nothing to ease his sickening dread. According to her, Lucy's whereabouts had eventually been traced to her mother's house in Palo Alto, where NSA agents found her phone and bag on the kitchen floor amidst signs of a physical struggle. Alas, that was where the trail stopped cold. After that, it was as if Lucy Preston had simply vanished from the face of the planet-or more like from the time line...

The weeks while everyone tried to settle into life in their desolate new home were some of the worst Wyatt had ever experienced, both mentally and emotionally-and he'd lost a wife and served on dangerous missions in Syria and Afghanistan. Sure, the underground bunker located in the middle of God knows where was apparently the safest place for them to hide from Rittenhouse at the moment, but as each tedious day blurred into the next, Wyatt feared he might be losing his mind...mostly from his near constant worry about Lucy, although the unrelenting monotony of their new daily routine was beginning to wear on him as well.

Once he was finally allowed out of bed, the first week wasn't quite as much of a grind as the endless days that followed. While his new roommates focused their impressive skills and knowledge on getting the lifeboat up and running, Wyatt took it upon himself to deal with the physical logistics of setting up their new home (such as it was), as well as volunteering his modest cooking skills on most days.

Although he and Agent Christopher did spend considerable time each morning tirelessly reviewing over and over what little intel her contacts at the NSA could dig up on Rittenhouse, it still felt to him as if the majority of his days (and more often than not, sleepless nights) had no real purpose. For a guy in his line of work–not to mention his personality–this much forced inactivity was a hellish form of torture. Staying busy seemed to be the only way Wyatt was able to cope with his strong emotions, which were all over the place due to the heartache of a forced separation from Lucy and his increasing desperation to get her back. So he gritted his teeth and dug in, working hard to make himself useful to his bunker mates as well as regain his strength for the coming battle with Rittenhouse. Thank God Rufus, Jiya and Connor Mason were able to finish the lifeboat repairs in time to follow the damn mothership when it jumped to 1918 France...

End Flashback

Yeah, calling those early days after they brought Lucy home 'rough' was a tremendous understatement. She'd been so subdued, a quiet shadow of the smart, brave, feisty woman he had gradually fallen in love with. Despite his profound relief at having her alive, safe, and back with him-them–where she belonged, every protective instinct Wyatt possessed when it came to Lucy was on high alert, and it took nearly all of his usually reliable self control not to follow her around 24/7 like a lovesick kid or something.

Regrettably, as time slowly passed with little noticeable improvement in either her demeanor or behavior, his reckless impatience had gotten the better of him at last, and on day three, he hesitantly asked Lucy about her six weeks as a Rittenhouse captive. Shit...what a big-ass mistake that was. Wyatt regretted the impulsive question the second it came out of his mouth when Lucy's face first whitened and then went disturbingly blank before she averted haunted eyes and hurriedly left the room, clearly eager to escape him and his well-meant but apparently intrusive concern.

What the hell had Carol Preston and her merry band of psychos done to poor Lucy during her captivity? Judging by the way she continued to shut him out, he suspected the Rittenhouse faithful-at the direction of her power-obsessed mother-had attempted to brainwash her. As a Delta Force operative, Wyatt was of course highly trained to withstand numerous interrogation and mind control techniques, but Lucy was a history professor, for God's sakes, not an experienced soldier. He'd personally witnessed strong, battle-hardened men eventually crumble under sustained, systematic torture, and the thought of a sweet, gentle person like her enduring anything remotely close to that infuriated Wyatt. Little wonder the more she withdrew from him, the more frustrated he got. His anger and bitterness towards the Rittenhouse matriarch grew deeper with each passing hour, and he secretly vowed if it was within his power, she and the others would somehow pay for their brutal treatment of the woman he loved.

It wasn't easy, but Wyatt did his best to rein in his impatience and focus on respecting a clearly fragile Lucy's need for privacy. Luckily for him, though, the Professor wasn't one to hold a grudge, and soon things between the two of them returned to something resembling normal, even improving slightly after the mission to Darlington. It felt so damn right to wrap himself around her slender body in the trunk of Wendell's jalopy, and they'd come tantalizingly close to sharing a second kiss. Wyatt liked to think Lucy had been as disappointed as he was when Wendell and Rufus caught them just as his lips touched hers. It was somehow even worse than when Jiya had interrupted the day they'd brought Lucy home (thanks, guys). And so the ever-present tension between them continued to build...

It was perhaps inevitable then during the team's very next mission, he and Lucy had fallen under the spell of a magical evening in 1941 Hollywood and finally crossed the invisible line between friends and teammates to lovers. It hadn't taken too long after their missions started for Wyatt to notice how pretty and feminine Lucy always looked in her costumes, no matter what the era, but on this night-in this time and place-the flattering vintage satin dress she wore just about took his breath away.

And when 'Logan & Preston' were put on the spot by crafty studio head Barney Balaban during the fancy party at the even fancier Hearst mansion (and okay, he sorta felt bad for basically throwing her to the wolves), his Lucy nevertheless bravely stepped up to the plate and knocked it clean out of the ballpark. Wyatt vaguely recalled her shy confession during the mission to 1944 Germany about dreaming of being in a band back when she was in college, but wow, he had no idea his best friend could really, really sing.

At first, like the famous, wealthy people standing around him, he'd been mesmerized by Lucy's dark beauty and the smooth sound of her incredible voice, and then the words of the song she'd chosen began to penetrate his thick skull. By the time the last phrase, 'you made me love you,' softly echoed around the spacious room crowded with spellbound party guests, everything else faded away until all he could see was her, slim and graceful, bold red lips trembling, gazing intently across the room at him and him alone. Wyatt's breath caught painfully in his chest at the unmistakable yearning shining in Lucy's dark amber eyes. In that split second, right then and there, he decided how the evening was gonna end once he got her alone.

Following an intimate, yet unexpectedly revealing conversation beside the shimmering pool, those tender, precious hours spent with Lucy in Hedy Lamarr's guest bungalow had been damn near perfection, far better than Wyatt could've ever dreamed of. The peaceful contentment he found in her slender, loving arms made him happier than he'd been in years (maybe ever, his heart offered hopefully).

After the team completed the rest of the exhausting mission and returned to the present, he and Lucy spent the next several hours holed up in his room to mostly sleep (after Rufus graciously swapped rooms with Lucy). Eventually, the new lovers ventured out for a delightful shared shower and a hasty meal, too blissful to even care about the knowing looks directed at them by their bunker mates. And then, without warning, it all fell apart, in a mind-blowing way none of them could've predicted in a million years...

Sadly, despite his cautious elation at Jessica's return, the price Wyatt paid for such an unexpected, long-desired gift was very high indeed. Fate could be an unforgiving bitch–and apparently by miraculously restoring the previously dead Jessica Logan to the current time line, she'd decided Wyatt and Lucy weren't meant to be together after all. Not even under threat of torture would he admit his overwhelming feelings of shock and gratitude at being reunited with Jess after nearly six years were overshadowed at times by a dull, lingering sorrow over losing Lucy, something he wasn't comfortable sharing with anyone, not even Rufus. His wife was no idiot, though, and from the inquisitive looks she gave him from time to time when she thought he wasn't paying close attention, might have her suspicions about Wyatt's past relationship with Lucy-but no way in hell was he going to confirm them.

As far as he was concerned, while Jess' curiosity was understandable, that topic was strictly off limits between them, whether she liked it or not. Trouble was, since his wife had apparently changed her mind about the divorce (for the time being, she stressed several times), it occurred to Wyatt once or twice that as a married man, perhaps Lucy's well being should no longer be his concern. Even more worrisome, what with the peculiar living conditions they found themselves in now, calling himself Lucy's best friend was probably no longer appropriate or even accurate any more either. That stark realization was proving to be particularly hard to reconcile himself to, especially considering what happened during their run-in with Emma Whitmore at the hospital when he, Jess and Lucy left the bunker to look for the young JFK.

Wyatt had never in his life felt such icy fear as, hands flexing restlessly on his gun, he froze for the first time in his lengthy military career. Everything and everyone around him–including Jessica–disappeared, and all he could see was Lucy's wide, terrified eyes boring into him, her face ashen with fear and pain as the redhead casually but purposefully held the business end of a deadly-looking knife against the delicate skin of her neck. All Wyatt could hear over the thudding of his racing heart was the eerily composed tone of Lucy's voice when she reminded him Emma was Rittenhouse's only pilot and ordered Wyatt to take the shot...

Emma's triumphant sneer when of course he couldn't (wouldn't) risk Lucy's life made it glaringly obvious that somehow the corrupt organization had become aware of his weakness when it came to her-his teammate, friend, lover. Wyatt's growing feelings for Lucy Preston made him vulnerable in a way he'd never allowed before–and that appalled the soldier in him. But what the hell was he supposed to do about it? Jesus, it wasn't like he could just switch off his love for her, Wyatt frowned mentally. Never all that at ease with strong emotions, more and more he felt hopelessly torn between his wife and his lover.

Everything was just so messed up right now, he reflected morosely. Jessica's unforeseen return after he'd grieved for years before finally accepting her loss (with Lucy's help) was absolutely a miracle in of itself, of course, but there was so much more to consider now. Wyatt still loved his wife, he truly did, but God help him, during the intense months spent with Lucy traveling through time, he began to heal and little by little, had fallen in love with his teammate, too-although how the hell a man could love two very different women at the same time without losing his mind, he had no freakin' idea.

The thing was (he kept reminding himself), Jess was his first love, his wife, the woman he'd taken solemn vows with and whose ring Wyatt had started wearing again, for God's sake...and yet, Lucy Preston was the woman who'd given his life purpose and meaning and made Wyatt's scarred, grieving heart whole again. Not helping to clarify his decision was the way he missed so many little things about being close to Lucy...that mischievous smile...her stubborn determination when they butted heads on a mission...the fragrance of her dark curls when she nestled against his bare chest so trustingly during their short-lived time as lovers...

But then, Wyatt's persistent guilt would whisper that it was only right and honorable to try and make his marriage work. Unfortunately, with all of them jammed into this damn bunker, practically living on top of each other, it was hard not to notice Lucy could barely stand to be in the same room with him, despite selflessly urging Jessica to give him another chance (which was such a Lucy thing to do). Even though it was completely irrational, this new distance between them just about killed Wyatt. But what did you expect, Logan, after the way you probably broke her heart? To remain best friends? his conscience jeered with unpleasant accuracy.

"If you can just stop loving her, then you never really loved her at all..." - Blakney Frances

Painful as it was to acknowledge, the whole situation had become positively FUBAR, not even a month after assuring Lucy she hadn't lost him-and that was on him. Just thinking about how quickly he'd broken his genuinely sincere promise made him heartsick. Even worse was the clumsy manner in which a shell-shocked Wyatt had broken the news about the unexpected change in his marital status to Lucy (over the damn phone, like a coward or something). How stupidly naive of him not to expect she would feel the need to distance herself from him and the heartache his reconciliation with Jess caused. That knowledge had stung like hell, especially coming so unforgivably soon after he and his best friend became lovers.

On the other hand, the fresh scar on his heart from Lucy's abrupt (but wholly understandable) withdrawal was tender enough that every time Wyatt was near her, the fierce guilt from knowing he badly hurt the woman he deeply cared for would practically smother him. Such conflicting emotions certainly didn't help Wyatt's effort to commit to his wife and their shaky marriage. Although he hadn't figured out yet how to make it happen, loving Lucy was somehow gonna have to stop if Wyatt had any hope at all of he and Jessica peacefully co-existing with her until they were all free to leave this damn bunker. He resolutely shoved aside the bleak mental image of a future without Lucy in it...

Glancing idly at the sink as he moved to the fridge to retrieve a few things to make breakfast for the two of them, Wyatt frowned at the lone mug sitting all by itself in the sink. No dirty plates or bowls. Dammit. Still alarmingly pale and much too thin from her time spent as a Rittenhouse captive, to his dismay, Lucy continued to barely eat enough to keep a bird alive. Since her arrival in the bunker, Wyatt had taken it upon himself to discreetly make sure Lucy was somewhat well fed in hopes she might regain some of the weight lost while they were apart those six miserable weeks.

Although he and Lucy were obviously no longer a couple, deep down, he was stubbornly determined to continue looking out for her–Jess or no Jess-whether either woman approved or not. Staring down at the eggs he was whisking, Wyatt half considered adding a couple more to the bowl for Lucy, but then thought the better of it. It would no doubt piss her off, thereby defeating the purpose...and almost certainly would make his wife suspicious.

"Jealously is just love and hate at the same time." - Anonymous

Wyatt stiffened and growled under his breath when he caught sight of the tall, lean man lurking in the hallway, his attention seemingly focused on the woman quietly curled up on the sofa. Flynn. Without a doubt, it was a big-time personal pain in his ass the blood-thirsty terrorist was now considered part of the team-by everyone, it seemed, except him. No way in hell would Wyatt ever forget (or forgive) the veritable laundry list of sins the bastard had committed against the team–especially Lucy.

And yet, much to his shock and dismay, it appeared at times Garcia Flynn might actually be developing serious feelings for the woman he once threatened and tormented–which didn't set well with Wyatt at all. He wasn't sure exactly what, but something had changed during the team's mission to 1692 while Wyatt was out chasing down his wife and it was indeed a bitter pill for him to swallow. Upon his return to the bunker with Jessica in tow, he'd been horrified to learn that not only had Lucy and Rufus jumped without him, but Agent Christopher had sent Flynn with them. The hell? Wyatt was the team soldier, sworn to protect the others, not Garcia Flynn, for God's sake. But you weren't here to go with them, were you? his guilty conscience continually reminded Wyatt.

Nearly consumed by worry by the time the lifeboat roared to a stop in the launch bay, Wyatt had hurriedly grabbed the metal staircase and shoved it into position just as the machine's round hatch opened. He'd only gone part way up the steps when Lucy slowly climbed out first, and wife or no wife, the sheer relief she was back safely literally made his heart skip a beat or two–as did the way Lucy's face lit up when she saw Wyatt. By the time he noticed the way she was holding her left arm closely to her side and the blood staining her sleeve, however, Flynn emerged from the lifeboat, and putting a protective arm around Lucy, he ignored everyone else and attentively escorted her down the steps and past the kitchen area to the bunker's makeshift infirmary. A wave of possessive fury had swept over Wyatt as he stood there watching helplessly like some useless asshole. The bastard had no right to put his hands on Lucy–that was just not acceptable. But unfortunately for Wyatt, it was only the beginning...

He absolutely hated the way the older man seemed to be constantly watching Lucy or hovering around her. (He'd been unbelievably tempted to 'accidentally' leave Flynn in 1934 permanently, but unfortunately, couldn't figure out how to without help from Rufus.) It was a vicious blow to Wyatt's masculine pride that Lucy appeared to welcome Flynn's company (instead of his, his unreasonable jealousy taunted). Of course, he was aware she was suffering right now, but still...Garcia Flynn was not the answer to her problems as far as he was concerned. While Wyatt didn't care to examine his feelings too closely, nevertheless, it felt so wrong to see the two of them together...

"Wyatt? You okay, babe?" Jessica's cheerful voice interrupted his dark, troubled thoughts. Before he could answer, his attention was caught by Lucy abruptly jumping up from the sofa and hurrying past the kitchen area, presumably seeking the solitude of her room. Closing his eyes in despair, Wyatt's heart ached at the miserable expression on her face. Sadly, while he deeply regretted causing the woman he couldn't help loving such terrible pain by essentially shutting the door on the beautiful 'possibilities' they'd only begun to explore, in his mind, the decision to honor his marriage vows as best he could dictated that going forward, a clean break was necessary. An incredible woman like Lucy Preston deserved no less, and Wyatt hoped fervently that some day, even if they couldn't remain friends, maybe, just maybe, she could still find it in her heart to forgive him...

"Love me or hate me, both are in my favor...if you love me, I'll always be in your heart...if you hate me, I'll always be in your mind..." - William Shakespeare

A/N #2: Well, there you have it: my take on what Wyatt was feeling during those first few days after receiving the text from Jessica (hope it wasn't TOO depressing to read). Surprisingly, it was way more challenging to get inside his head than it was Lucy's. To be honest, for most of season two, I was really angry with the Timeless show runners and writers for the awful direction Lucy and Wyatt's beautiful love story had taken. However, now that (sadly) a couple years have passed, while I will never ENJOY watching the Lucy/Wyatt/Jessica triangle, I can at least acknowledge that plot wise, it was really was a brilliant strategy for Carol Preston to resurrect Jessica Logan as the ultimate RH sleeper agent. Not only did her return break up the new lovers for a while, but also potentially jeopardized Wyatt's place on the team. Since this was kinda dark, I was quite tempted to write a brief epilogue including Wyatt and Lucy's "I love you" scenes to relieve some of the angst, but decided it would defeat the whole introspective purpose of this story. NOTE: for those readers still following First Steps, I've written about 2/3 of Chapter 44 and hope to finish it in the next week or so. As always, thank you to everyone for your favorites, follows and kind reviews. They are much appreciated! :))