A/N: Had some writer's block, still do, so I did this frivolous (not so) little chapter to try to push me through. Thank you to Nii-sama97, Mimiluvbug, Lylith, and guests for your reviews of chapter 21!

Cultural notes:

1. 'Pair look' (ペア・ルック) is a faux-English phrase that is used in Japanese to describe when two people dress the same on purpose, usually overly-cutesy couples. Not hard to figure out but I'd rather you not get snagged on it if you don't know.

2. Stamina Taro is an all-you-can-eat chain restaurant, where you pay a set amount for a certain amount of time (usually 90 minutes), and it's got a lot of variety, but specializes in meat you grill by yourself at the table (yakiniku).

3. Genkan: I hesitated to do a note about this because I think I may have used this before without defining it and I'm sure most of you know what it is, but since I'm doing cultural notes, a genkan is the recessed section of floor near a building's entrance for you to take your outdoor shoes off.

Chapter 22: Fashion and Pastry

Saturday, December 27th

Urahara had set up another meeting between Orihime and Ulquiorra for today at 2:00 p.m. Orihime stood before her full-length mirror, wondering why she cared what she looked like. She knew she wanted to present herself in a certain way, especially to Ulquiorra, but she was unsure how much of what she tried to convey would be understood by the former Espada. It was important to her to look strong and confident. She wanted at least her appearance to project an image of a young woman in control, especially since she felt like her world was falling apart recently.

While she was very interested in helping Ulquiorra find his 'heart', she was wary of falling back into their previous patterns, when he would freely attempt to bring her down. She was cautiously optimistic that he had fundamentally changed since his rebirth, but she had the sense to be on guard, and for a reason she couldn't grasp she thought her fashion choices were an essential part or her psychological armor.

It finally occurred to her that it was its resemblance to her Las Noches uniform that was the problem with the white turtleneck sweater dress she had on before she peeled it off and stood in her bra and black leggings, looking herself over in the undergarments. She took a moment to observe that she had grown well over the past year; her posture was better than ever. She was a bit taller and her bust and hips balanced each other out nicely; despite her generous cup size she didn't appear too top-heavy. As she made these assessments she noticed that her loose, wavy hair skimmed the tip of her tailbone. 'Time for a trim soon,' she thought, before her eyes locked onto her alarm clock. She was going to be late if she didn't hurry.

She took out a rust-colored tunic, which nearly went down to her knees when it was belted, with long blousy sleeves and a square neckline. She pulled it on and cinched it with a brown leather belt which matched the tall boots she had waiting for her at the front door. She looked back into the mirror, adjusted her blue hairpins, and nodded at her reflection, thinking that it would have to do before grabbing her purse and coat and scurrying to her door.

When she arrived at Urahara's, she was surprised that Ulquiorra answered the door himself. "Hello," he said quietly, his voice retaining the ability to travel its intended distance despite its low volume.

Orihime wondered at this, thinking perhaps it was the deep pitch of his voice; she vaguely recalled some nature program she had seen on television about animals with subsonic vocalizations which could travel long distances. She remembered something about elephants, and smiled to herself as she imagined a grumbling elephant with heavy black eyebrows and green eyes.

"Woman, what amuses you?" Ulquiorra broke her train of thought, bringing her back to the present.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I let my mind wander." 'Great,' she thought to herself. 'So much for projecting an in-control image.'

Ulquiorra just stared at her and stepped aside to allow her to enter. She didn't notice, looking to the side and chewing the inside of her cheek in mild embarrassment.

"Woman, I am not dressed for the weather, and this gigai is quite sensitive to variations in temperature. If you would like to meet outdoors I will request a coat –"

"No! I'm sorry, let's go inside," Orihime blurted as she scooted past him, careful not to make physical contact as he held the door open over her head. Once inside, she stepped out of her boots and into a pair of the guest slippers lined up next to the genkan, shrugging out of her coat and carefully laying it over her arm.

Ulquiorra led the way back to the tatami room they had met in last time. It was set with two cushions on either side of the table closest to the opposite wall. Ulquiorra sat went to the wall side, leaving Orihime the spot closer to the door.

Orihime sat, setting down her coat and purse gingerly, nervously adjusting her seat position as she waited for Ulquiorra to start. She inwardly scolded herself for letting her unease show. She decided to take control of the situation, and looked up at Ulquiorra with a pleasant smile, prepared to start some small talk, until she saw his expression.

His eyes were burning, looking at her as if she held the answers to all the universe's questions, if only he could crack her skull open to find them. It was unsettlingly familiar. Her smile dropped a bit, and she raised a hand to the back of her head, asking, "Is there something you wanted to know, Ulquiorra?" adding an awkward giggle.

"Yes." Flat and emotionless was his voice, although his intense expression didn't let up.

"Well, try as you might, I don't think you can read my mind. I think you'll have to ask…" she trailed off, wilting slightly under the pressure of his gaze.

"Indeed," he replied with a slight sigh and closing his eyes, much to Orihime's relief. He did not speak for a long moment, and just as Orihime was about to open her mouth to end the tense silence, he said, "Thank you."

"Um, for what?"

"The cake. I quite enjoyed it."

"Oh," she paused, slightly wary of his formality given the topic of conversation. "You – you're welcome."

"Why did you give it to me?"

'Leave it to him to ask the difficult questions first,' "It was, um, a peace offering?"

"Is the war not already over?"

"No, I mean, yes, the war is over, but I was kind of rude to make you wait so long to speak with me, and I thought the cake would make it easier for you to forgive me."

"You fool yourself."

"What?" Orihime's smile dropped, suddenly worried he was still upset with her.

"You convinced yourself that you needed forgiveness-" a flash of inspiration appeared on his face as he cut his thought short, "Or is it your habit to needlessly apologize?"

Orihime was offended now. "I… I don't…" she tried to deny it but couldn't come up with a valid defense. She did often try to smooth things over with undeserved apologies. Her shoulders slumped as she looked at her hands and sighed.

"I have offended you."

She breathed another heavy sigh and looked up. She was surprised to see a hint of self-doubt in his expression. "No, you are right. I do 'needlessly apologize'. I don't know why I do that. I guess I just want everyone to be happy all the time."

"Woman, I do not have the experience with emotions that you do, but in this short existence, I have not seen any evidence to support the idea that such an apology would cause the recipient happiness."

Orihime couldn't put a finger on how she felt at the moment. Memories of Hueco Mundo started to swim around in the back of her mind. This was exactly what she had intended to avoid. She felt defensive and pitiful at the same time. She could not make a decision about how to react before he continued.

"On the other hand, that cake did cause me happiness."

Her swirling thoughts screeched to a halt. Did he just say he had been happy?

"You can feel happiness?"

"Yes." His face was as flat as it had ever been.

She couldn't believe it. It was just too comical. Here he was, the former embodiment of despair, chatting about how cake made him happy. The laugh that bubbled forth was uncontrollable. Every time she opened her eyes to see the growing confusion on his face, she was wracked with another wave of giggles. After a minute, she gripped her aching stomach as tears began to form in the corners of her eyes, knowing that if she couldn't get this under control she was going to start hyperventilating.

"Woman, have you gone mad?"

She looked up to see his expression grow fearful and she lost all control. After a minute, she managed to wheeze in a breath and pressed the tears from her eyes as she fell backward onto the tatami. Opening her eyes to the ceiling, she started to calm down, squeezing her cheeks as a laugh here and there snuck through her controlled breathing. Once she seemed to have the giggles under control, she closed her eyes for a moment, trying to further calm her breathing.

When she opened her eyes again, she shrieked. Ulquiorra's face was about a foot and a half away, looking down at her as he knelt by her side. As she began to frantically scoot backward, his hands fell onto her shoulders, holding her in place.

"Kisuke Urahara!" he called out in alarm. The shopkeeper had been in his office two rooms away. In an instant he was kneeling on Orihime's other side.

"What happened, Cifer-san?" he asked, ready to take remedial action for whatever affliction Orihime was experiencing.

"The woman is malfunctioning," he answered, his voice betraying his genuine fear.

Orihime grasped Ulquiorra's wrists and attempted to push him off of her, but it was useless. Surrendering, she sighed dramatically and rolled her eyes over to Urahara. "Could you please explain to Cifer-san what a laughing fit is?" she asked, half whining, as Urahara's expression crinkled up into a knowing grin.

Urahara chuckled and pushed Ulquiorra gently by the shoulders until he released Orihime. "After your visit I will certainly do so, Inoue-san. Cifer-san, you remember when I told you that Inoue-san likes to laugh? That is all this is, do not worry." The shopkeeper stood, offering Orihime a hand to get back to an upright position. "I'll leave you two to finish your conversation, but I'm right down the hall if you need me," he said as he left.

Orihime shook her head in disbelief as she turned her attention back to Ulquiorra, who was going back to his original seat. As she did she thought about what Urahara had said. Her eyebrows shot up and she refocused on Ulquiorra. "You guys talked about me?"

"Yes." Again he was a statue.

"Well? What about?" She was amused.

"You enjoy the television program, 'Laugh Hour'."

Orihime laughed again briefly. "It's true. I probably enjoy it more than you enjoy cake," she teased mildly, although her intent was lost on Ulquiorra, who became lost in thought, wondering if it was truly possible for a person to enjoy such a ridiculous program more than the divine combination of whipped cream, strawberries and shortcake.

When he didn't respond, Orihime concluded that his social skills probably needed some work before she started teasing him. She decided to change the topic to something she thought would be easier for him to discuss.

"What have you been up to since we last met?"

Ulquiorra refocused on her and began to report to her his activities, including helping with chores around Urahara's home, reading, and watching television.

"Have you been outside?"

"Yes. Kisuke Urahara has walked with me around the neighborhood, but we did not go far."

"Oh really? Why, is he worried about something?" Orihime asked, wondering if Ulquiorra was in any danger.

"No. I did not wish to be seen by other humans as I am now."

Orihime was surprised that Ulquiorra would be concerned about his appearance, and began to feel sorry for him. "Why wouldn't you like the way you look?"

Ulquiorra looked down at his body. "This apparel is… unsatisfactory."

Orihime nodded thoughtfully as she looked at Urahara's clothes on him. They were a bit baggy, but the clothes weren't so big as to look terrible. They weren't very fashion-forward though; most people didn't wear that kind of traditional clothing regularly. She wondered if Ulquiorra picked up on that. She decided to ask. "What about that outfit bothers you?"

"Well, many things, but mostly I don't want to be seen doing 'pair look' with Kisuke Urahara."

Orihime's eyebrows shot up in surprise at this before she covered her mouth in an attempt to stop her laughter from getting out of control again. She succeeded in only laughing for a few seconds before mentioning, "I am impressed that you know what that is, Ulquiorra!"

"Well, for the first few weeks in the World of the Living I had a lot of time alone, and Kisuke Urahara provided me with a television. I was able to pick up some knowledge of popular culture during that time. I was able to discern that 'pair look' is not an activity in which two grown men are meant to engage."

Orihime leaned back on her palms and smiled at him, as she thought about how different he was. The Ulquiorra she knew from Hueco Mundo would not care at all for social norms. On the other hand, she kept calling Urahara by his full name. She wondered if no one had tried to correct him. "Ulquiorra, why do you call Urahara-san by his full name?"

"I have not considered the reason." Ulquiorra seemed to think about it for a moment. "I started calling him that when he was studying me in Soul Society, because that is how he had introduced himself, and I think it has just become a habit now."

"But you know it is unconventional, right?" Orihime asked gently. Ulquiorra nodded slowly, seeming to consider what she was saying, before she continued, "I think it would be better for you to call him 'Urahara-san'. It sounds more polite, and definitely friendlier than calling him by his full name; that sounds kind of confrontational."

Ulquiorra nodded again and looked Orihime in the eye. "I will take it under advisement."

Orihime smiled in approval and continued. "Perhaps we can ask Urahara-san if you can have some different clothes." Ulquiorra didn't object, so Orihime called out to him and asked as he came in the room.

Urahara smiled and answered, "That can be arranged. I did buy alternative clothing for him, but he looked so smart in this outfit that I didn't have the heart to take it away from him. Unfortunately, the clothes I have for him are rather plain and I only bought one set. I had thought he would enjoy choosing his own clothing."

"Oh yes! Shopping is so fun, Ulquiorra. There are so many places around Karakura that have really reasonable prices and a good selection," Orihime cut in, excitement visible on her face.

Urahara raised his fan in front of his face and arched a mischievous eyebrow. "What a wonderful idea, Inoue-san. I think Cifer-san would enjoy shopping with someone who knows what is fashionable for kids in Karakura, you know, to help him blend in. Plus, he is due for an outing. Perhaps tomorrow? I don't want to keep you too much longer today; it will be getting dark soon."

Urahara was putting words in her mouth, but she didn't object. "Ok, I guess I can do my homework tonight, then." she replied, her confusion evident.

"Wonderful! Cifer-san can buy you lunch for your trouble, don't you think, Cifer-san?"

Ulquiorra looked at the shopkeeper with a bewildered expression.

"It's agreed then! I'm afraid our dear Cifer-san does not know his way around town, so if you would be so kind, Inoue-san, please meet him here around noon tomorrow. Also, Cifer-san receives a generous allowance, isn't that right, Yoruichi-san?"

The black cat sitting in the doorway responded, "That's true, so don't hold back in your menu choice. I'll show you out, Orihime."

"Oh, alright, thank you, Yoruichi-san; Urahara-san. I'll see you tomorrow then, Ulquiorra," she stammered as she rose and followed Yoruichi, turning and bowing to the room's remaining occupants when she reached the door.

After she had left and Ulquiorra was set to work helping stock the shop, Yoruichi hopped onto Urahara's shoulder as he worked in his office. "What was that all about, Kisuke?"

"Well, he needs to be socialized and learn about what's normal, which you and I definitely are not. Who better to do it than someone who already knows him?"

A moment later, Ulquiorra appeared at the entrance to the office. "I have a question, Urahara-san."

Urahara and Yoruichi looked at each other in surprise at the polite way Ulquiorra had addressed the shopkeeper, before he turned back to take Ulquiorra's question.

Yoruichi shook her head. She had to give Urahara credit – this would be much faster than trying to teach him these things on their own.

Sunday, December 28th

Orihime arrived just before noon. She was greeted by Jinta, who more or less ignored her but shouted up the stairs to Ulquiorra to announce her presence. She waited in the genkan for just a moment before she heard his soft footfalls down the stairs. When he rounded the corner to the entryway Orihime was stunned. If she didn't know any better, she would think he was just a regular guy around her age. His clothes weren't anything special, just jeans and a dark gray sweater with a white t-shirt underneath, but that is what made the image so unexpected.

"Are you ready to go?" Ulquiorra asked with a tinge of exasperation, slipping his arms into the sleeves of a black peacoat. He was clearly ready to get the hell out of there. Orihime could hear Urahara and Yoruichi bickering in the distance, and from what she was able to comprehend it had something to do with Ulquiorra. He quickly bent down to tie his shoelaces, his hair fluttering a bit as he did, and Orihime was hit with a pleasant waft of shampoo fragrance.

"Mmm, what kind of shampoo do you use, Ulquiorra?"

"I do not know, but it has a picture of a wet leaf on it. I find it preferable to the one Yoruichi uses."

Ah, rain scent. I thought it was familiar. "What does Yoruichi-san use?"

"It has a picture of a cat and a dog on it."

Orihime giggled at the thought of Ulquiorra inadvertently using pet shampoo. "Yeah, I think you should steer clear of that one."

Ulquiorra didn't respond, but led the way outside of the shop, hands in his pockets and back ramrod straight, as he took the same long, effortless strides that Orihime had familiarized herself with in Las Noches. Ulquiorra came to a halt once they came to the nearest intersection, looking over his shoulder at Orihime. "I have been instructed to follow you today. This is also the extent to which I have walked before. Please lead the way to the place you have chosen for lunch."

Orihime nodded and walked ahead. "I'm not sure what you like to eat, so I chose something with a lot of variety."

"I believe this exercise is to show appreciation for your help in today's mission. As such, you should select an establishment that is to your liking without regard to my preferences."

"Oh, this place is definitely to my liking," Orihime responded, as she led the way to a large looking place with a sign that read, 'Stamina Taro'.

Before they entered, Orihime explained how it worked: you pay a set price up front and then you can eat as much as you want for 90 minutes. The young woman at the cash register welcomed them as they came in and gave Ulquiorra a long appreciative look up and down before ringing them up.

Once they had their booth number, they deposited their coats there and went to the buffet. Orihime guided Ulquiorra through, explaining what everything was and how he could take a new plate each time he went to get more food, and that he could use as many plates as he could carry per trip, before leaving him to his own devices and filling a plate with sushi, fruity gelatin, seaweed salad, some french fries, and fried chicken, as well as a side of chocolate sauce which she pinched from the sundae station (for her fries, of course).

Ulquiorra was not as well-versed in food as Orihime, but he did know one thing: he really liked cake. He went straight for the desserts, examining each of the offerings carefully. Each was labeled with foreign-sounding names like tiramisu, gateau au chocolat, matcha mille feuille, crème brulee, Earl Grey sponge, and mango mousse. He tried to decide which of the miniature pieces looked best before giving up and getting one of each.

When he returned to the table, Orihime was a third of the way through her plate already, but took a break to let him know that he needed to be careful not to burn himself or anything else on the grill in the center of the table, and that she would choose some meats for them to try when she finished what she was eating. When she finished speaking, she took another bite and then looked up and saw what he had on his plate, and had to swallow quickly to avoid spitting out what was in her mouth. "Whoa, Ulquiorra, that's a lot of dessert. Be careful you don't give yourself a stomach ache."

Ulquiorra looked at her perplexed, and she explained the effects of eating too much sugar at once. He nodded and took her advice, just having one bite of each item and then only finishing his favorite. It was easier said than done, at first. By the time he polished off the tiramisu (he decided it was by far the best), his stomach was beginning to protest.

Orihime shared some of the remaining items on her plate with him, and they grilled thinly slices pieces of beef, vegetables, and baby octopus. Ulquiorra decided he liked the octopus tentacles, but not the bodies. He preferred mushrooms and pumpkin to onion and carrot. He also thought that french fries with chocolate sauce were good, although probably better before eating as much cake as he had. After about forty-five minutes, they were both stuffed and ready to admit defeat.

"Thank you for lunch, Ulquiorra. That was, um, fun."

Ulquiorra felt like he didn't have a frame of reference to properly respond other than to tell her she was welcome, so he did just that. Orihime smiled and nodded in response and they left the restaurant to go to an area several blocks away that had a lot of fashionable second hand clothing stores and cheaper new clothing stores. On the way Orihime decided to do some research.

"Do you have a favorite color?"

"Yes. White."

Orihime choked back a groan. "Okay, what is your second favorite? And don't say black, that doesn't count."

Ulquiorra paused and thought about it, before becoming frustrated. "Woman, if you'll recall, that for the majority of my existence my world has consisted almost solely of black and white."

"Alright then, I'll just have to choose colors for you. You can't only wear black and white. You're not in Las Noches anymore."

They entered the first store, and Orihime went through racks with Ulquiorra on her heel, picking out various garments and putting them in his arms to try on later. "You look to be about a size medium, but you'll have to try these on to be sure," she said offhandedly.

They were both silent for a while as the continued in this fashion. Orihime sent Ulquiorra into a fitting room to try some things on for size. She was right about his general size, but he had to try on several bottoms to get his waist and leg length right. Once that was sorted, they went back to the racks and Orihime picked out things that she thought would complement him, sticking much to white and black despite what she had said earlier, but mixing it up with greens, grays, navys, and browns. She even had him try on some brighter colors, but found they looked garish with his pale skin and inky black hair. Ulquiorra deferred to Orihime for the most part. He was a bit overwhelmed.

Finally he tried on something that Orihime really appreciated. It wasn't anything fabulous, per se, just a dark button-down shirt and a pair of tailored trousers, but the fit was just right. She stood quietly admiring her selection, looking up and down Ulquiorra's elegant figure.

Ulquiorra blushed under her gaze, not sure why he was reacting that way, but feeling self-conscious nonetheless. When she noticed, she murmured, "It unexpectedly suits you."

His eyes darted to hers, remembering he had said the same thing to her in his past life. As he looked into her eyes searching for the significance in her choice of words, Orihime cracked, a half smile appearing on her lips, before she broke eye contact and snuffled out a laugh. She looked back at him and smiled normally.

"You did that on purpose." Ulquiorra accused.

"I did," Orihime smirked. "You shocked me when you said it to me back then. I wasn't sure you would remember. Did I surprise you?" Orihime couldn't hide her glee at the thought of shocking the unflappable Ulquiorra.

"You did." His voice was impassive, but he was unable to hide his deepening blush.

Orihime could sense that Ulquiorra was starting to become uncomfortable. "I'm sorry for teasing you, Ulquiorra, but these clothes really do look good on you. You should buy them," she said encouragingly with a nod.

Ulquiorra looked away, exhaling as his redness faded. After a moment he looked up and to Orihime's great shock, he was smiling.

"Thank you," he said as he turned back into the dressing room, smirking at her reaction.

They stopped at several more shops, stocking Ulquiorra up with socks, a few pair of shoes, underwear, pajamas, and enough regular clothes to get him through the rest of the winter and early spring. Although it was getting dark, Orihime walked him back to the shop, fearing he would get lost, and, feeling tired, left him at the door.

After she said goodbye, she turned around to see Uryuu standing across the street, staring at her. At first she was frightened; he had done a perfect job concealing his spiritual pressure.

"What were you doing out with him?" he demanded as he crossed the street toward her.

"Uh, shopping. What are you doing here, Ishida-kun?"

Uryuu wasn't sure himself, except once he had sensed the two of them together, he couldn't stop worrying about why, and ended up tailing them all day. Not that he was going to let Orihime know about that.

"Er, I happened to see you walking back and I followed to see if you were alright. You are, aren't you?"

"Yes, it was actually a nice distraction, it's been hard lately, you know?" She looked up into his face and the sadness she had shown after Ichigo's intervention was apparent.

Uryuu nodded, feeling a bit guilty for questioning her motives. He smiled at her pleasantly and offered, "Yeah, let me walk you home, it's dark out," deciding to save his questions for later.