Heartbreak Warfare :: Chapter Sixteen

Bo was slumped over in a chair, elbows on his knees. His head rested in his hands. He was anxious. He couldn't breathe.

"Bo," Marlena's voice called to him softly, "We're in a safe place."

Bo looked up at her. He trapped his hands between his thighs in an attempt to quit fidgeting. He scooted back in the chair and exhaled slowly. Her office was warm and inviting. He knew he was in a safe place, but he didn't know what to say.

"Everything we talk about here is private." Marlena reminded, "It's safe."

Bo nodded. He was staring at a woman he'd considered a friend for years. She looked calm and relaxed. Her eyes were warm.

"You want to tell me why you kicked Hope out of your room last night?" Marlena questioned.

Bo bit his lip. He was still confused himself about the whole situation.

"Are you angry with her?" Marlena asked.

Bo shrugged, "I hate letting her see me this way."

"Because?"

"Because…" Bo rubbed his eyes. He searched for words, "She doesn't need to be put through this."

"What do you mean?"

"It's too much." Bo shook his head, "I've been gone for years. She thought I abandoned her. I was stuck in this pit, too weak to make it home to her… and now, here I am… this… monster… She doesn't deserve it."

"You're trying to protect her?" Marlena questioned in understanding.

Bo nodded, "I've always tried to protect her."

"Are you sure you're not upset with her?" Marlena prodded, "She didn't hurt you when she moved on with someone else?"

Bo didn't want to think about Hope with another man. His jaw locked and his fists clenched.

"Bo…."

"Of course it hurt me." Bo lashed out, "I hate it. I hate everything about it. The thought of another man touching her pisses me off."

"Ok." Marlena nodded, "Good. Tell me more."

"What?" Bo scowled, "What else is there to tell? I hate it. That's that."

"In order to move forward you need to forgive her." Marlena replied, "Unless that isn't what you want. What do you want?"

"I want to be me again." Bo sighed, "I want to go home to my house. I want to have a job. I want to feel normal. I'm so angry all the time. I can't function because some bastard hooked me on heroin. I want my life back. I'm tired of feeling emotional. I'm tired of feeling pain."

"Are you talking about emotional or physical pain?" Marlena asked softly.

Bo thought for a moment, "Both."

"The physical pain will subside sooner than you think." Marlena encouraged, "You've already come quite a long way on your own. Your recovery will be a little easier than a typical addict because you didn't turn to heroin as a coping mechanism. What I am concerned about is now you may feel you need a coping mechanism."

"I don't need a coping mechanism." Bo argued. He slumped over again, frustrated.

"You've been isolated for so long…" Marlena shook her head, "You need to be socialized. You need a support system. You need therapy for the captivity and torture."

Bo felt his heart racing. Memories were flooding his mind. He rubbed his temples. He needed out. He needed to escape. He felt himself stand. His legs took control, carrying him out of Marlena's office at a sprint. He didn't make the conscious decision to run, but he couldn't stop. He ran toward the lobby, bypassing his room. Marlena's voice called after him, but he didn't turn around. He could hear footsteps behind him. He collided with someone rounding the corner. He stopped. He panicked. He could feel so many eyes staring at him.

The elevator doors opened, and Hope stepped off. He ran towards her, pushing her back in. She stumbled backwards as his sprint caught her off guard. She leaned against the back wall of the elevator, speechless but grateful it caught her fall. Bo punched several floor numbers and then the 'close door' button repeatedly until the doors were safely shut. He proceeded to pull the emergency brake. The elevator stopped and he sank to the floor in the corner.

"Bo?" Hope quickly squatted next to him, "Bo? What happened?"

Bo shook his head. He was in the pit. He wanted out. Every nerve burned.

"Brady!" Hope screamed, shaking him gently, "Talk to me."

Bo's eyes finally settled on hers and he pulled his arms away from his face.

"Hey…" Hope whispered, "Are you okay?"

Bo nodded once. His ragged breathing caught in his chest.

Hope squeezed his shoulder and opened her arms. Bo fell into her chest, craving the safety and warmth of her embrace. She rocked him gently as she held him tightly to her body. Her fingers tangled in his hair. A few moments of silence passed. They sat in a jumbled pile on the floor in the corner of the elevator together. She kissed the crown of his head when his breathing began to return to normal.

Bo found peace as he listened to her heartbeat. It grounded him. He didn't want to pull his head away from her chest. He wanted to stay right there forever. In that moment, he couldn't tell where she ended and he began. They were one. Feeling her that way made him feel invincible. He felt her pull away slightly to look into his eyes.

"Okay?" Hope prompted, and that was the only question she asked. She didn't demand a single answer. She just wanted to know if he was okay.

He almost smiled as he nodded, "Okay."

She stood, holding out both of her hands to help him stand. He grabbed both of them, not because he needed her help, but because he wanted to touch her. They stood facing each other, fingers entwined together. Bo stared deeply into Hope's eyes before planting a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"Thank you." Bo mumbled into her warm skin.

Hope closed her eyes, relishing his lips on her skin in that moment. She smiled, "Anytime."

Bo knew she meant it. She would do anything for him, and he would do the same for her. He let go of one of her hands, and released the emergency button. The elevator resumed the quiet journey to various floors of the hospital. They rode together in silence, hand in hand, until the elevator eventually made it's way back to Bo's floor. He didn't care where they were going, he just knew that for a moment, he felt normal.