Heartbreak Warfare :: Chapter Seventeen
Bo sat quietly in a chair at the kitchen table. Marlena sat just as quietly across from him. They were alone. He was happy to be home. He stared at the peppermint tea Hope had given him before she disappeared. He mindlessly pulled at the string, dunking the teabag repeatedly.
"How do you feel?" Marlena finally asked, breaking the silence.
"Better than I've felt in awhile…" Bo replied, "My skin still crawls, but it's tolerable. I'm sort of getting an appetite back."
"That's good," Marlena nodded, "Those are steps in the right direction. How do you feel being at home?"
"I know you want me in a rehab facility…" Bo sighed, "But this is exactly where I need to be."
"Bo…" Marlena began to softly argue, but Bo cut her off.
"No, listen…." Bo snapped, "I was stuck in that pit for over a year. All I could think about was being here. In my home. This is my home. Hope is here. I'm not looking to score heroine on the street. I don't need to be surrounded by addicts. I'm not an addict. I'm a cop. I'm a husband…. and I'm a father. I'm home. This is my home. I'm not leaving."
"You feel safe here?" Marlena asked.
Bo nodded silently. He resumed playing with his tea bag.
"Bo, I know that you're not an addict…mentally." Marlena stated carefully, "But what about physically. You've made it through seven days. The withdrawal symptoms are subsiding, but you need at least 30 days to be successful here. What happens when you have cravings? There is no help here. A facility has people who are trained to help you."
"I have Hope." Bo shook his head, "She is all I need."
Marlena eyed him suspiciously, "Tell me about her."
"She makes me feel normal." Bo swallowed hard, "She's here, waiting on me hand and foot. She doesn't treat me any differently. The rest of my family does. They treat me like I'm fragile and broken. They give me pitiful sad stares. Hope doesn't. She's my wife. This is our home. We built it together. She still looks at me with those beautiful green eyes and she smiles. I don't need a facility. Looking at her… thinking about our children… That's all I need to think about being clean. I'm clean."
"Have you forgiven her?" Marlena asked.
Bo paused thinking for a moment, "When I think about her being with another man, any man, an indescribable rage fills my bones. But, if you're asking if I've forgiven her for being with someone while I was away… then yes. There's nothing to forgive. She's here… more than making up for it."
"There's nothing to forgive?" Marlena questioned, "Bo, last session you openly admitted that she hurt you. It's a normal human reaction to feel hurt or betrayed for what she did."
Bo shrugged, "I'm not perfect. She's not perfect. I love her more than the hurt she's caused me. Does it still hurt? Yes. Do I want to punish her? No. It was a misunderstanding. She tried to honor our marriage by divorcing me. She didn't blatantly climb into bed with the first guy she saw and betray our vows. She's not like that. She's a respectable woman. She's Hope."
"What happened to your need to protect her?" Marlena questioned, "What happens when you push her away? You're home alone and feeling angry? Cravings happen… what then?"
"If our last session taught me anything, it is that Hope doesn't need protecting. I pushed her away and she came back. She's here. She's in it." Bo sighed. All the talk was giving him a headache. He rubbed his temples.
"You trust her to stay." Marlena sighed as she observed Bo's fidgeting.
"Of course I do," Bo scoffed, "What kind of question is that?"
"You're healing Bo." Marlena replied, "You're angry. You have mood swings. You're recovering from Heroin withdrawals. You really think she can handle this? This is a heavy load for just one person. That's why there are rehab facilities and teams of well educated, highly trained, people who specialize in this field… To take the load off of just one person."
Bo rubbed his eyes. His frustration swelled in his chest. He could feel his patience running thin.
"Bo, I'm not doubting your love for her… or her love for you for that matter. I know that you love each other, but whether you like it or not, your family is correct. You are broken. You are fragile. And that is okay. There is nothing wrong with that. What I'm worried about is you trying to throw yourself back into your life, back into your old identity, back into Bo and Hope. You are not the same Bo and Hope. You've both been through things. You both need to heal, and learn how to be a new version of Bo and Hope."
Bo ran a hand over his face, and forced the lukewarm tea in front of him down his throat. He gulped the entire cup down, before slamming the coffee mug on the table. He pushed his chair back and stood, "I'm done for today."
Marlena watched him walk out of the room. She knew when Bo hit his limit, it was pointless to try to stop him. She exhaled slowly when she heard a door slam from upstairs. She had her work cut out for her, but Bo Brady was one patient she refused to let down.