Heartbreak Warfare :: Chapter Twenty

"I have an irresistible need for sex with Hope. All the time."

Bo heard his words echoing almost like he was not the one saying them. He stared at the living room ceiling. He couldn't look Marlena in the eye, so instead he gazed up at nothing. He felt knots twisting in his stomach.

"Do you want to elaborate?" Marlena prompted gently. Her voice was soft. She waited calmly.

Bo folded his arms across his chest. He was lying on his back on the living room couch. He thought about the cliche look of it all. He never imagined himself lying on a couch talking to a shrink. He wasn't the therapy type. He was a man. A man who liked motorcycles, beer, and football. He was a man, but he was lying on a couch talking to a shrink. He stared at the ceiling again.

"How does the sex make you feel?" Marlena asked when she had received nothing but silence.

"Like a man." Bo replied quietly. He couldn't decide if he was embarrassed or ashamed. He felt awkward, but the words that fell from his lips were the first to come to his mind.

"Ok." Marlena nodded, "What else?"

"Being with her makes me feel like I can do anything." Bo shrugged, "My body aches for a high… but it's more than the orgasm. It's…. her. She's… incredible. And it makes me feel like I can conquer the world."

"How did being in the pit make you feel?"

Bo closed his eyes. He would never forget how the pit made him feel, "Helpless. Angry. Sad. Worthless. It was suffocating."

"Why is that?" Marlena asked.

"Because." Bo let his eyes travel to meet hers, "I was being held against my will. Kept from my family… And there was not a damn thing I could do about it. I'm supposed to protect them and I couldn't even protect myself. They thought I abandoned them. The entire thing infuriates me."

"Would you say you felt like a man in the pit?"

Bo glared at her and then shook his head slowly, "It's not just that…. I missed her. Every time she walks out that door I'm scared I'll never see her again. I thought that I would never see her again when I was in the pit. Every day got worse… until I was sure I wouldn't. It's the worst feeling in the world."

"Thinking you'll never see her again?" Marlena clarified softly.

Bo nodded, "When I see her I just can't get enough. I feel like I'm dreaming and before I know it, I'll wake up and she'll be gone."

"Separation anxiety isn't abnormal." Marlena soothed, "I don't believe anything is wrong with you that you can't work through. This is all new for you. It may seem like it isn't because this is your home, but you've gone through quite a lot of psychological trauma."

"We had a good sex life before. We always have." Bo sighed, "It's different now though."

"Because?"

"Because I feel desperate. I feel… like an animal." Bo shook his head, "I don't know… It's just different."

"Does it feel good?"

Bo almost laughed, and then smiled sheepishly, "Well. Yeah."

Marlena smiled at him, "Physically it feels good. Mentally…. you're not sure?"

"Well… no… it's all good. Mentally and physically." Bo corrected.

"But?" Marlena wondered aloud, encouraging him to continue.

"I think I'm scared she's going to notice… The desperation… I'm scared that she's going to turn me down…. I don't know." Bo hugged a pillow to his chest, "I feel like I have something to prove."

"And what would you have to prove to her?" Marlena questioned, "She's your wife."

"That I'm good enough."