Super sorry for the delay, the last couple of days have been weird for me. Anyway, Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. Blah, Blah, Blah. Enjoy.

Chapter 22: The Happy Couple

A cold chill fell over the lobby as Alastor sauntered over in his blasphemous costume; his signature shit eating grin as wide and toothy as ever.

Naturally, Vaggie was on high alert. The Radio Demon was well known and feared for his unpredictability, but all of this, turning the lobby into a chapel and dressing up her and Marceline as a bride and groom, was bizarre even by his standards. There was no telling what sort of sick and twisted game he'd concocted this time, but just to be on the safe side, the Fallen Angel put herself in front of Charlie to act as a human shield.

"What do you want, Alastor?" she asked, glaring daggers at the smiling Overlord.

"What do I want? Why, nothing more than to share in this momentous occasion. To be a part of this blessed event. To revel in this monumental…"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Why, your wedding of course." Alastor said matter-of-factly. "The blessed union between you, Lady Vagatha of Paradise and Her Royal Highness, Queen Marceline of the Vampires. Oh, I haven't seen an event like this since the wedding of King Edward."

"Queen of the what?" Charlie asked confusedly.

"Ignore him, Charlie. He's just trying to cause trouble again." Marceline answered, before shifting her focus back on the Radio Demon. "And you. I'm done letting you manipulate me. So if you wanna kill me for spoiling all your fun then go ahead, but I'm not gonna live in fear anymore."

"You touch one hair on her head and I'll shove this straight up your dickhole!" Vaggie chimed in, brandishing her trusty spear, which she materialized out of thin air.

But alas, Alastor was not intimidated.

In fact, he seemed to find the whole scene quite amusing.

"Ah-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha. Oh, Miss Vagatha, you and your dry wit." He said teasingly. "Why on Earth would I ever want to hurt your darling groom? Especially on your wedding day."

"Will you stop that!" the Fallen Angel shouted in cold frustration. "I don't know what your game is, but it's not gonna work. Charlie already knows that what happened last night was just a onetime thing. Marceline and I are not getting married."

"Oh you silly goose. Of course you're not getting married. You already are."

Once again, time seemed to come to a grinding halt.

"Uh… what?"

"You and Miss Marceline are married. Did I not make that clear? I performed the ceremony myself last night."

"Don't give me that shit!" the Vampire Queen barked venomously. "All we did last night was make love and fall asleep in each other's arms. There was no wedding."

"Perhaps a visual aid is in order." the smiling man said before snapping his fingers.

Suddenly, Vaggie felt some sort of strange, invisible force takeover her body, forcing her to raise her left hand. The same thing must've happened to Marceline, for she held her hand up as well.

"Now then, you see those lovely little bands you're both wearing." Alastor said, directing everyone's attention to their respective ring fingers. "Those are called Soulmaters, and as the name implies, they are used to bind the souls of whomever is wearing them. Usually for the purposes of a Dark Wedding. Like the one you two had last night."

"We didn't have a wedding, you psycho! We just had sex!" Vaggie shouted angrily; now free from the Radio Demon's influence.

"My dear, a Dark Wedding isn't your garden variety marriage ceremony. It is an ancient ritual. Only slightly younger than the Garden of Eden. And all that is required is for two people to bond their souls and consummate the union by making love. At night, during a thunderstorm, in a Satanic Temple. And the deed must be witnessed and blessed by a Dark Priest. That's me."

"You were watching us have sex?" Marceline asked furiously; her cheeks burning.

"Yes, but I assure you it was purely in a professional capacity. I derive no pleasure from that sort of thing."

"Wait a minute!" Vaggie interjected. "We didn't sleep together in a Temple. We were in a Hotel room last night. Your story doesn't hold up."

"My dear, the word 'temple' has many meanings. In ancient times, it revered to any structure a god or higher being called home. And as you may recall, Lucifer used to live in this very hotel. So in a sense, this is a Satanic Temple. Which means~"

"Which means… Oh my God!" the Fallen Angel exclaimed as the reality of her situation fully sank in. "We're married! You married us! Against our will! Why the fuck would you do this?"

"I have my reasons." The Radio Demon said plainly. "The biggest one being that I thought it might be fun."

"Yeah, well whatever! We'll just have it annulled. It's super easy down here."

"Ooo… Sorry, Dearie, but it's not that simple. A Dark Wedding isn't something you can just erase with some legal mumbo jumbo. You're souls are linked, now and forever. Miss Marceline is quite literally your soulmate. Your one true love."

"That's the stupidest thing I ever heard! I don't love Charlie!"

An awkward silence fell over the room.

What did she just say?

"Uh… I meant Marceline. Obviously. Marceline. Marceline. I love Marceline."

Vaggie placed a hand over her mouth as she gasped in disbelief.

"What the fuck is going on here?"

"I'll field that one." The Radio Demon said cheerfully. "It's like I said, Darling. Your souls are linked now. You understand each other in the most intimate way possible. After that, no other relationship will ever satisfy you. Your hearts already know that, but it'll take your brains a little while to catch up. Call it a delayed reaction. Give it a few weeks. Two months tops. And you'll 've forgotten all about Miss Charlotte."

"You're lying!"

"I'm really not."

"Then you're full of shit! I love Marce-God Damnit! I love Charlie! And I don't care what your stupid fucked up ritual did to my brain! She's the only girl for me!"

"Is that right?"

"Yeah, that's right!"

"Well then, let's put your theory to the test."

With a snap of his fingers, Alastor materialized two spinning buzz saw blades, which floated in midair just above his shoulders. Then, with a flick of his wrist, the Radio Demon shot the whirling blades in different directions; one at Charlie and one at Marceline.

With only seconds to react, the Fallen Angel sprang into action. She dove headfirst into her beloved and pushed her to the ground; the spinning sawblade just barely missing them both.

"Are you okay, Pussycat?" Vaggie asked her precious Vampire Queen concernedly.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Marceline answered, sounding a little dazed.

"Oh thank God. I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to my precious widdle-What the hell am I saying?"

Suddenly regaining her senses, Vaggie shot up like a toaster pastry and looked around for Charlie. As luck would have it, the Demon Princess was standing a few feet away, with a gash in her left side and tears running down her cheeks; presumably from the pain.

She hoped.

"Charlie, I… I can explain. I wasn't thinking. My body was just running on autopilot. I still love you… I think."

She had no idea why she'd added that last part, but it did nothing to improve her mood. If anything, it seemed to make things worse.

Seconds later, the wound in Charlie's side healed, but the tears did not stop flowing. Suddenly her eyes turned a hellish red and her horns began to show. She was going into her full demonic form.

Not good.

For a second, Vaggie was afraid the Demon Princess wound attack her and Marceline, but those fears were soon put to rest when Charlie turned away from them and marched straight toward Alastor.

"Undo this now!" she roared furiously.

"Sorry, doll. I can't." he replied casually.

"I wasn't asking!"

"And apparently you're not listening either. I didn't say 'I won't', I said 'I can't'. As in, I don't know how. Soul bonding is powerful magic. I wouldn't even know where to begin."

"Then who would?"

"How should I know? Why don't you ask your father? This was all his idea."

"What? My Dad made you do this? Why?"

A very good question, Vaggie thought. After all, Lucifer had been most insistent that she and Charlie wed. Hell, it was practically an obsession for him. So why would he have enlisted Alastor in marrying her off to someone else? It just didn't make any sense.

Unless…

"Oh my God…" the Fallen Angel murmured in horror as the grim reality of her situation dawned on her. "This was his plan all along."

"What are you talking about?" Marceline asked concernedly.

"Yeah, what plan?" asked Charlie, sounding just as worried, if not more so.

"This is what Lucifer wanted from the start. He never wanted me to be Queen. He only said that because he knew it would upset me. To make me lose my focus when I slipped the ring on Marceline's finger. He wanted us to have sex so Alastor could perform the Dark Wedding Ceremony."

"But that doesn't make any sense." The Demon Princess replied. "He wants us to be together more than anyone. Why would he force you to fall in love with someone else?"

"Because that's the only way he can make you give up on the Hotel." The Fallen Angel clarified. "He knows your love for me is just as strong as your conviction to your redemption plan. So he's forced you into a no-win scenario. Either you grovel to him to make him undo the spell and give up on your dream forever, or you keep the Hotel and lose me forever. Ugh! This is just the sort of twisted thing he would do."

Still sitting close beside her, Vaggie heard Marceline gulp. She could practically sense what the Vampire Queen must've been thinking.

How could anyone do such a thing to their own daughter?

"Ugh! This is just so classic him!" Charlie barked in frustration. "Well I'm not gonna let him get away with this! He's not gonna manipulate me this time! We don't need him or any of his shady deals! We'll figure out someway to undo this ourselves!"

"What a charming notion." The Radio Demon commented. "But whatever you do, you'd better do it fast. The Next Cleansing is close at hand, and Miss Marceline's time in our reality is coming to an end. And now that she and Miss Vagatha's souls are linked, so are their fates. Which means that when Miss Marceline leaves Hell, Miss Vagatha must go with her. And since the rules forbid the former from ever returning, the latter is likewise forever banished. Or in other words…"

"If we can't undo this spell, Charlie and I will never see each other again." Vaggie said, finishing his train of thought. "Oh my God! What are we gonna do?"

The Fallen Angel was on the verge of having a full-scale panic attack, but luckily her beloved Vampire Queen was there to comfort her with the silent but sympathetic gesture of placing an arm around her shoulder.

Unfortunately, this moment was spoiled when her equally beloved Demon Princess asked them something that made their blood run cold.

"What are you guys talking about?" she asked with a hint of worry in her voice. "What do you mean we'll never see each other again? And what's all this stuff about you having to leave Hell? And why did he call Marcy Queen of the Vampires? Vaggie, what the fuck is going on?"

Naturally, Vaggie was at a loss for words. She didn't know what, if anything, she was supposed to say in a situation like this. However, Marceline took the lead on this one.

"Well…" she said awkwardly, scratching the back of her head and sweating like a sinner in church. "It's kind of a long story."

End Notes:

Again, sorry for the delay. It's been a weird couple of days.

With that said, thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next one.

Peace.