Heartbreak Warfare :: Chapter Twenty Five

It was morning in Salem. Hope stared at her untouched tea. The steam had disappeared. She sat in the chair near the fireplace in her living room. Her knees were curled up to her chest. She felt defeated. A night of restless sleep had left her feeling exhausted. She was too emotional to care.

Footsteps on the doorstep gave her anxiety. She wasn't prepared for this. She listened as a key entered the lock. Her chest tightened when the lock clicked as it opened. The door swung open, allowing an unwelcome chilly morning breeze into the living room. Bo appeared. He looked terrible.

"Hey." Bo greeted quietly. He observed her thoroughly. She looked distressed. She wore yoga pants. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun. One of his t-shirts swallowed her whole.

"Hey." Hope replied wearily, "Where's Shawn?"

"He had some things to do." Bo said evenly, "Didn't want to come in."

Hope nodded. She didn't know what to say. Thoughts swarmed inside of her head, but she couldn't catch one and put it into rational words.

"So…" Bo exhaled, approaching her slowly.

"So…." Hope nodded once. Slowly. Her throat clenched.

"You're upset with me?" Bo asked tentatively.

"I don't know what I am!" Hope broke, standing from her seat to distance herself from him. "On one hand I'm furious with you. For a lot of things. On the other hand, I'm angry with myself. Maybe you're right. You're right."

Bo listened to her voice crack. Tears poured down her cheeks. Ever since he'd been home, she'd been the strong one. The load was clearly too heavy. She was stumbling. She was breaking. Tears pricked at his eyes, "Well. Let's start with all the reasons you're furious with me. Furious enough that you sent our son to bail me out of jail?"

Hope rolled her eyes, "Look at me… Do I look like I should be in public? Or at my place of employment? He's an adult Bo. I think he can handle it. God knows we've done the same for him."

"Ok, okay…." Bo held his hands up in surrender. This was not the turn he wanted this conversation to take, "I'm sorry."

A new round of tears flooded Hope's vision, "I want you to admit that you're angry with me."

Bo felt like a knife was twisting in his gut. He didn't want to say it word for word out loud.

"Say it." Hope ordered.

"Hope." Bo protested.

"Please say it," Hope whispered.

"I just." Bo's voice cracked, "I would never abandon you Hope. Ever."

"I thought you didn't want me."

Her voice was soft, vulnerable, and laced with emotion but her words hit Bo like a freight train.

"In what world would that ever be true?" Bo gasped in disbelief.

"In a world where Carly or Billie exists. It's happened before Bo." Hope screamed, "How was I supposed to know you weren't done with me?!"

"That's not fair." Bo growled, "I wanted you. I've always wanted you. Regardless of who was in my bed at the time. You were the one who didn't want me."

Hope collapsed on the couch, folding herself over on her knees. Her hands rubbed her temples as she shook her head in denial, "I hate myself."

Bo's heart broke. He knelt in front of her, tilting her chin up, "Why would you say that?"

"I should have known." Hope whimpered, afraid to let him see the depth of hurt in her eyes, "I should have known something was wrong."

Bo's heart clenched. He tucked a falling piece of hair behind her ear.

"How can you ever forgive me?" Hope asked softly.

"Because I love you." Bo reassured. And he meant it. He felt his heart already releasing some of the grief and anger over her mistake, "I have my own demons Hope. You aren't one of them. You've hurt me… but I need you. I want you."

"But I left you in a pit." Hope argued, "You were tortured."

She wore the guilt like a scarlet letter. Bo wiped at her tears, "You didn't put me in the pit."

"I should have seen through the letters…" Hope sighed, pushing him gently away. She hugged herself.

Bo watched her warring with thoughts. His throat was dry, "Why didn't you?"

Hope pursed her lips, attempting to muster the courage to look him in the eyes. She glanced up at him as she confessed in a quiet voice laced with tones of vulnerability, "Because it was easier to be mad at you than to miss you. I was so hurt Bo."

Bo stared at her. She was so human in this moment. Despite his own hurt, he couldn't love her more. He watched her stand and begin to pace.

"I wanted to be mad. I wanted to be furious." Hope exhaled, "Furious you rarely called. Furious you took a job away from home. Furious you chose work over family. Furious I never got to see you or hear your voice. I missed you. You were my partner in everything and you just disappeared. I had to sit here and soothe our daughter every night because she didn't understand why you were gone. I tried to be strong. I tried to understand."

"Hope…" Bo felt his own guilt tantalizing his heart, "Please."

"I wasn't mad Bo." Hope whispered, "I was sad. I was heartbroken. And it turns out I had no right. Because you were in a damn pit doing nothing wrong, and I was home sweet home doing the new lawyer in town."

Bo was taken by surprise at her blunt choice of words. He instantly wanted to vomit at the thought of her and Aiden. He stood, inhaling in an effort to keep his queasy stomach under control. Hope watched him nervously from the couch.

"Why did you fall for him?" Bo asked softly. His back was to her. He stared out the window, afraid of her answer.

"He was a distraction Bo… He was nothing like you and I latched on to that." Hope whispered, "In my mind you weren't in a pit… you'd left me here… and everything around me reminded me of that. Except Aiden. He slowly made it easier to wake up every day. He made me forget how much it hurt to be here alone. He lost his wife. He was a single parent. We had a lot in common. He just made it easier."

Bo slowly turned to face her. She shrugged slowly, unsure of what else to say. Bo understood what she was saying. It didn't hurt as bad as he'd expected it to, but he had one thought that burned him from the inside out, "Did he make you forget about me?"

Hope's eyes flashed with anger, but her voice was sincere, "Brady, how could you even think that?"

Bo shrugged, "I don't know, but I do."

Hope went to him, holding his face with both of her hands, "I could never forget you. I thought about you every day. This house is full of memories with you. I see you in our daughter. You have my heart, no matter what shape it's in Bo. Nothing could erase you from me. Ever."

Bo felt the familiar physical need for her. His insecurities were being tamed by her words, but he felt the need to be with her anyway. He kissed her, pulling her body closer to his groin. Her lips welcomed his, and she gladly granted his tongue entrance into the warmth of her hungry mouth. All Bo knew was that he needed to feel wanted. As for Hope, she was eager for him to kiss the guilt away.