apologies to anyone who reviewed as a guest for ch. 36; I published ch. 37 in such a rush last night that I skipped my customary thanks to the guest reviewers. I always personally thank signed-in reviewers but THANK YOU GUEST; I'm sorry to disappoint with Ulquihime... I love ichihime as well so I was torn too, but this story is based on a dream I had so it has to go this way, and I love Ulquihime too. Thank you, anonymous reviewer, for your very kind review! You guys make my day!
Chapter 37: Truth Be Told Part 2
After their emotional first kiss at Orihime's apartment, Ulquiorra walked hand in hand with Orihime back to the shoten. His mind was in turmoil; how was he going to train her when he was completely unwilling to let go of her hand? This was not hyperbole; the thought of releasing it physically sickened him. He wanted nothing more than to go back to her apartment and hold her until he died. He did not know what to call these new, intense feelings, but although they unnerved him, he accepted them wholeheartedly. This was his life now.
As they walked, he would, from time to time, look over to her and a small smile would grow on his face. This woman, the one beside him, had not rejected him. She had returned his kiss, and she had saved him from despair. He was aware that things between them were unsettled, but for now, those three facts remained. He couldn't articulate how that made him feel, but he didn't care to anyway. He only cared about being here with her now, and feeling her small hand in his, and knowing that for the next several hours, he would have her to himself.
Orihime was slightly more troubled, and knew she would need time alone to sort out her emotions. She knew one thing for sure, though, and that was that the kiss that they had shared was loaded with much more significance than she had expected. The usual ingredients for a kiss had been there, for sure - attraction, curiosity, fondness, lust; these elements were all present – but there was something there that was much more powerful; something she had never experienced with Ichigo. It had been life-changing, almost holy, in its reverence. It frightened her, because as she looked up into Ulquiorra's adoring face as he walked her to the shoten, she knew that she had the power to destroy him.
'Still,' she thought to herself, looking down at their joined hands, 'this feels right,' and a small smile graced her lips as they rounded a corner and the shoten came into view.
Once they got inside and down to the training grounds, Ulquiorra discovered that he hadn't thought about what they would do once they arrived, now that their circumstances were so irrevocably different. Usually, at this point he would get out of his gigai and they would start exercises, but it felt wrong this time. He had only let go of her hand long enough for her to climb down the ladder, and he was already feeling anxious. He decided that before any training could be done, they would have to redefine their goals for today's exercise. Certainly, he still wanted to help her gain self-esteem and improve her skills, but for the moment he was honestly overwhelmed by the constant need to touch her – 'That's it,' he realized. He just needed to kiss her again, and again, and again, until it didn't feel like the memory would fade away if he ever took a break. Feeling somewhat relieved at this discovery, he smiled and approached her from behind, threading his arms around her waist and burying his nose into the crook of her neck, breathing in her warm, apply scent, and placing a petal-soft kiss there. 'Ah, yes. This is it,' he thought to himself, finally feeling whole again.
Despite her concerns about their relationship, Orihime felt comfort in his gesture and leaned into his embrace, letting her head fall back onto his shoulder. Once again she marveled at the fact that it was Ulquiorra Cifer who was making her feel this way. 'And what way is that?' she wondered. She still wasn't sure, but at the moment it felt very warm and protected. She melted into him like it was the most natural thing in the world. There was no resistance from him, only acceptance. It was a very new experience for her, and she couldn't help but yield to it.
Ulquiorra noticed how her initial tension quickly faded away and smiled to himself, allowing his embrace to tighten for a moment before gently reorienting their bodies to face one another. He took another deep breath in through his nostrils as he cupped her cheek with his right hand, his long fingers grazing the sensitive skin under her ear. He felt a strong urge to declare something to her, but was unable to find the words. Instead, he touched the tip of his nose to hers, and after taking a long moment to let his viridian eyes absorb hers, he trailed the tip of his nose across the side of her nostril to her cheek until his lips found hers again. When they made contact, a shuddering hum escaped him and the hand still on her side gripped her more tightly.
Orihime's breath was stolen again and she didn't notice her inhibitions leaving her. She didn't think twice about threading her fingers into Ulquiorra's impossibly soft, thick hair and kneading the base of his skull. It never occurred to her how he might react when she opened her mouth in invitation toward him and allowed him to back her up against the wall without any resistance. She was lost in the deep desire to connect with him; to let him in. She didn't notice her reiatsu starting to expand and envelope them both in a warm honey glow as her back made contact with the wall and his tongue invaded her mouth.
Ulquiorra was suddenly feeling less than prudent. The effect of Orihime's unbridled reiatsu had a numbing effect on his rational mind and amplified his strongest feelings, namely, his growing need for her. When Orihime had invited his tongue into her mouth he did not waver, but plunged in with enthusiasm. The taste of her wet, soft tongue set his blood on fire, and he pressed his hard torso into her body in a crushing embrace, nearly crumbling at the sensation of her soft curves melting into the unyielding topography of his body while his tongue explored the ridges on the roof of her mouth. As he sucked Orihime's tongue into his own mouth, Orihime let loose a long, sensuous moan, and trailed her hands from his hair down to his shoulders, raking the path with her fingernails, pressing their bodies even closer.
All logical thought had left both of them. Orihime responded with an enthusiastic whine as Ulquiorra's left hand made its way down the side of her hip, and as it grazed the top of her thigh, she happily lifted it so it could rest in his palm easily. She raised up to her tiptoes on her other leg and tilted her hips forward. When she felt his hardness brush against her heat she threw her head back and gasped, and allowed her lust-filled gaze to meet Ulquiorra's dark, heated stare. His usually pale face was flushed with color and his eyes were glassy and fierce, but still held a universe of adoration for her. Orihime felt a twang in her heart and nearly sobbed, but stopped herself by crushing her lips back into his and ignoring the tears that were prickling her eyes and changing the flavor in her mouth. She began desperately rocking her hips toward him in an attempt to escape the thoughts that threatened to invade her mind. The more she focused on the physical sensation of being with him, the better she was able to shut out the crushing emotion that it was causing in her.
Ulquiorra had never anticipated the sensation of Orihime's contact and cried out, overwhelmed with the instinct to reciprocate. However, fear had made an appearance in the back of his mind momentarily, and he pulled away from her mouth to catch his breath.
Orihime was not fazed. Her reiatsu increased and she dove for his neck and latched onto his pulse point, suckling enough to make a small red mark. That was all it took to erase the tiny voice of reason that had tried to enter Ulquiorra's mind and he ground his painfully hard length against Orihime's core, causing them both to whine in agony.
Orihime's fingers quickly found their way underneath Ulquiorra's shirt to trace the tense muscles in his mid-back and scraped their way across the sides of his ribs as he licked a line from her clavicle up to her jaw, growling in appreciation at her sweetness. His right hand found the side of her clothed breast and began to sink his fingers into it when they heard a foreign sound.
"Ahem."
They nearly froze. If anything, Ulquiorra pushed into Orihime further in an attempt to hide her, but the damage was done. Anyone with an ounce of spiritual awareness could easily perceive the swirling, golden sphere enclosing them in chaotic energy and Orihime's leg wrapped around Ulquiorra's waist, her rear wedged between Ulquiorra's grip, the rock wall, and his rigidity.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Where are your manners, Cifer-san? I do hope you at least offered Inoue-san a more comfortable seat. It's just hospitable," Urahara broke into a chuckle as he watched Orihime's reiatsu dissipate. He continued under his breath, "Poor girl, I believe that is the hardest seat in the house." He laughed out loud at himself as he turned his back to the now wide-eyed, pale-faced couple, to allowing them a moment to recombobulate.
Orihime lowered her leg and gently pushed Ulquiorra back a step, smoothing out her hair and adjusting her clothing. The dampness between her legs would soon become uncomfortable, she realized, and cringed. Then she looked at Ulquiorra, whose gazed was fixed somewhere about a mile away. Her eyes fell upon the angry red mark in the crook of his neck, and she realized there was no way it could be hidden by his recently cut hair. She cringed again, harder this time.
After holding his breath for what felt like an impossibly long time, Ulquiorra sighed loudly. His erection had disappeared quickly after Urahara had announced his presence but the ache in his groin continued. He finally refocused on present company when Orihime shifted and met his eyes for a moment before starting to walk quickly toward the ladder.
"Excuse me, I just have to, um, wash my hands," she said looking firmly at the ground as she sped toward the ladder.
"No hurry, Inoue-san. I need to have a word with Cifer-san," Urahara paused as Orihime afforded him a worried glance. "No need to worry, Inoue-san, I'm a romantic, and I've walked in on much worse, believe me," he added and smiled as her face bloomed red and she began hoisting herself up the ladder. "I'll be leaving again later today so don't try to escape without saying goodbye!" he added, turning his attention to Ulquiorra and waiting until Orihime had reached the top of the ladder and closed the door behind her before he spoke again.
"So, how long has this been going on?"
"This?"
"Your physical relationship with Inoue-san." Urahara was not one to mince words when he was on a tight time schedule.
"Since approximately 10:00 a.m."
"Today?"
"Yes."
A low whistle came from Urahara. "You don't waste any time, do you?" He didn't wait for a response. "Have you told her?"
"Told her what?"
"About the hogyoku."
Ulquiorra's shoulders dropped. He hadn't even considered how that inconvenient fact might be received, and he worried that it wouldn't be received well. "No, I haven't."
"As a friend, I advise you to tell her before things between you two get too serious."
Ulquiorra nodded somberly. "Do you think there is a chance she will accept me after she knows?"
Urahara smiled kindly, "It's up to her, Cifer-san, but I do know that Inoue-san is a very understanding person."
Ulquiorra appeared lost in thought after that, so Urahara decided to change the subject. "So what have you and Inoue-san been up to prior to today?"
"We've been training. That is the reason we are down here."
"Oh?"
"Yes. Orihime is improving her control and tactics quickly. She is quite talented."
"It would appear so," Ulquiorra said, eyeing Ulquiorra's hickey, to which Ulquiorra was too naïve to catch.
"Are you implying something?" he asked suspiciously.
"Oh, no, not me, Cifer-san. I would never." Urahara said, hiding his mouth behind his fan.
Ulquiorra was familiar enough with the shopkeeper to know there was something that was going over his head and glared at him until the door to the underground reopened and Orihime joined them again.
Orihime had done her best to dry herself and cool off in order to try acting normally with Urahara. "So, how is Kurosaki-kun's training going?" she asked cheerfully, not noticing Ulquiorra's narrowing eyes.
"Ah, I'm glad you asked Inoue-san. He seems to be close to regaining his zanpakuto. He's on track to return at the beginning of the new school year," Urahara replied, taking in Ulquiorra's tense reaction from beneath the brim of his hat.
Orihime's reaction was not what anyone expected, though. "Oh. I see. Good for him, right?" she replied halfheartedly. Then she chuckled and added with a bit more cheer, "It has been quite a long time since anyone has seen him. I'm sure his sisters are missing him. I'm glad he'll be back soon."
If Urahara wasn't mistaken, Ulquiorra quietly scoffed at that. "Well, I've got to get to my office and check in with Tessai and the kids. It was good seeing you two, and if you're not around by the time I have to leave, I'll be seeing you soon!"
"Goodbye, Urahara-san!" Orihime bade happily. Ulquiorra simply grunted in response.
After Urahara left, Orihime released a deep breath. "Phew! Do you think he knew what we were doing down here?" she asked with false innocence.
"Yes," Ulquiorra answered coldly, his green eyes boring into her unblinkingly.
"What's with you, now? Do you regret it now that we've been caught?" Orihime asked with a slight edge to her voice. She wasn't accustomed to this side of Ulquiorra's personality since her time in Hueco Mundo.
"No, but you may regret it soon. I have something I must tell you."
Something in the way he set it caused a chill to run up her spine and she took a small step back, bracing herself. "What is it?" she asked hesitantly.
"You know that Aizen is dead."
"Yes…"
"Do you know the cause of his death?"
"No," she replied as more of a question than an answer.
"The hogyoku consumed his reiryoku and left him a lifeless husk."
"Oh," she said with a look of repulsion. "That sounds terrible. But that means the hogyoku can be sealed away on its own now, right?"
"No, it cannot. After the hogyoku drained Aizen of his spirit energy it also escaped its own physical form and took a new vessel as pure spirit energy."
Orihime's eyes grew wide as she anticipated what he was going to say next. "You…"
"Yes."
Orihime turned to the side, unable to process this new information all at once.
"So you have the hogyoku inside of you? Like Aizen did?"
"No."
"Well, which is it, Ulquiorra?"
"It's not the same now. It's not a little sphere anymore; it has no physical form. And unlike with Aizen, it has not attempted to exert its own will on me. It doesn't speak to me. The souls that comprise it do not have their own voices. It has become one with me. Honestly, if anyone forced me to define what I am, the most accurate answer would be to say that I am the hogyoku, and the hogyoku is me. We are one and inseparable."
"That's like what Aizen said," Orihime responded, shaking her head.
"But he was wrong," Ulquiorra took a step toward her, desperate for her to understand the differences between his circumstances and those of Aizen.
"But its power…"
"Is my own. The way I was able to neutralize Kurosaki. The way I am able to be so specific, so controlled. The way I can imagine what exact power I wish to yield and have it immediately available to me. These were powers beyond my capability as a hollow. What I have displayed until now is not the limit to my power. I am not sure there is a limit."
"Your power? You mean the hogyoku's!" Orihime shouted, starting to become agitated.
Ulquiorra's worst fears appeared to be coming true. He lunged forward and grasped Orihime by the wrists, gently, but forcing her to look him in the eye. "No, mine. If the hogyoku should ever be separated from me, I believe I would die. Urahara-san agrees and believes that in the process, the hogyoku would also be destroyed. Can't you see? We have merged into one being."
"But why you?" Orihime asked, worry evident in her voice and in the tight knit of her brows.
"Do you remember the overwhelming force of my reiatsu on the dome of Las Noches?" Orihime nodded before he continued, "I retained it after my reincarnation. I believe Rukia Kuchiki confirmed it to you, and it was felt strongly throughout Soul Society on the day of my reincarnation. The hogyoku required a host with strong enough reiatsu to not be destroyed by it if it was not contained within a sphere. However, I believe that is only a partial explanation."
"What else?"
"I evolved over an unknown period of time from a mindless hollow to a Vasto Lorde. Although I could not consume souls as a Vasto Lorde and did not wish to as an Arrancar, I consumed thousands of souls as a simple hollow and a Gillian. The souls of those thousands of hollows were purified on my death. The hogyoku is comprised of the souls of ten-thousand shinigami, which I now carry, plus one confused, unclassifiable, plus," he paused, pointing to himself.
"I've spent much of this lifetime thinking about the reason I was chosen. I can only think that the souls that comprised the hogyoku wish to be purified, as my hollow soul was. After I was purified, the hogyoku recognized me." Orihime looked at him with a confused expression.
" It created me as an Arrancar, and I believe it recognized my reiatsu after I allowed it to flow unrestricted after my rebirth. It also was able to recognize that my reiatsu was powerful and stable enough for it to merge with my soul and not destroy me. In essence, the hogyoku wishes to purify the souls that comprise it."
"How?"
"I am no longer a hollow. I am not a shinigami. While merged with me, the shinigami souls that comprised the hogyoku will not be subjugated by a dominant shinigami soul as they were with Aizen, but exist in tandem with my plus soul, living in a state of dormancy unless I call upon them. It is rather like having a zanpakuto, but instead of one sword spirit, it is ten-thousand, all willing to do my bidding. In exchange, I believe that on my eventual death, those ten-thousand souls will be purified and be able to move into their next lives, free from the binds of the hogyoku."
"And what of your soul, Ulquiorra?" Orihime asked carefully.
"It's unclear, but I believe I would be born again in Soul Society with no memory of this life, as humans do."
Orihime's brows began to worry a bit at that thought.
Ulquiorra sensed her distress. "I will tell you something now in the strictest confidence," he began before stepping toward her again, placing his palms on her shoulders and lowering his voice to a near-whisper. "And I preface this confession with the disclaimer that this is only a thought that I cannot shake, untested and unproven, but I believe it strongly: If I wished, I could become unquestionably human. At the snap of my fingers, I could turn this gigai into a real human body, yet whether I would retain the ability to access the power of the hogyoku is questionable. I also don't think that it is necessary, given that Urahara-san has designed the gigai to mimic the true human experience, but lately, I have wondered whether the benefits of this arrangement outweigh the costs," he kissed her forehead briefly and pulled back again to look into her eyes. "However, I never want to find myself in a position where I am unable to protect you, especially from Kurosaki."
Orihime scoffed and looked downcast. "Isn't that why we're training me? So that I can protect myself?" Her voice sounded hurt.
Ulquiorra gathered her into an embrace and pressed his lips to her ear, before responding, "Of course. You know I have great faith in your abilities. However, if I have the opportunity and the means, I will always protect you. You should know this by now, woman," he said with a warmth to his voice that had been absent since beginning his admission about the hogyoku.
Orihime nodded and smiled. "I know, Ulquiorra. And I'm sorry if I worried you, and I can't promise that in the future it won't become an issue, but I know you, and if you say the hogyoku doesn't affect you the way it affected Aizen, I believe you. You've given me no reason to doubt you. Besides, Aizen stuck it in Rukia for who knows how long and it never took control of her!" she added with an encouraging grin.
Ulquiorra was moved by her capacity to accept him, and tears pricked the corners of his eyes for the second time that day. He smiled gratefully and dipped his head down to hers to capture her lips again but was met with her fingertips. His brows knit together in confusion as Orihime gently pushed his mouth away and said, "Now, there's something important I must tell you. I don't want you to get the wrong idea because I really, um, really enjoyed what we were doing before Urahara-san interrupted us, but I'm glad that he did. I thought hard about it while I was upstairs. I don't want to rush too fast into a physical relationship with you, Ulquiorra. With Kurosaki-kun, I let my hormones set the pace and we ended up hurting each other. I don't want to do that again. I don't want to hurt you, and I don't want you to hurt me."
"I would never hurt you, Orihime." Ulquiorra said with a fierce protectiveness to his voice and fire in his eyes.
Orihime blushed and tried not to swoon. "I know you wouldn't intentionally, but if I learned anything from my relationship with Kurosaki-kun it's that people with good intentions sometimes hurt each other anyway if they're not careful. I want to be careful this time. So, no more kissing today. And no more of whatever it was that we were doing before for a long while either. Got it?"
Ulquiorra bristled at her demands but took a deep breath and answered calmly, "As you wish."
Orihime rewarded him with a blinding grin. "Good. Now what did you have planned for today's training?"
xXxXx
February 15th, Soul Society
Urahara had woken up early that morning, anticipating that it would be a long day. Ichigo was similarly anxious and had woken up just after dawn. Urahara spent a few moments setting up some extra kido spells in the event something noteworthy were to happen later in the day. Both men were anticipating it.
Ichigo got into the meditation position he had taken each morning since his inner-world trial had begun and breathed deeply until he was back in the false Hueco Mundo desert, on the edge of the line of swords he had created the day before. Zangetsu appeared to have fallen asleep on the ground waiting for him close by. Ichigo approached carefully and nudged him in the shoulder with his foot.
"Well, good morning to you too, Sunshine. Let's say we pick up where we left off?" Ichigo nodded and Zangetsu pulled himself up and continued, "All right, where was I? Oh yeah, the upstairs neighbor and his connection to your trip to Hueco Mundo. To recap, you wanted to rescue the Queen but you felt a compulsion to go that went beyond that. Sound familiar?"
"Yes, get on with it!"
"Calm down, I'm getting there! My next question deals with the compulsion. Now, I understand that you're not great at putting feelings into words, so I'm gonna help you out. Don't say I never did'ya a favor, 'kay?"
Ichigo rolled his eyes and tapped his toes impatiently.
Zangetsu narrowed his eyes. "No gratitude, eh? Anyway, I'll ask you a question and you can choose between the answers that I'll supply. Here we go. Your honor was not what compelled you to go to Hueco Mundo. Nor was your desire to protect. Were you compelled by your own curiosity, or was it from a force bigger than you?"
"Bigger than me." Ichigo nodded eagerly as he answered and was rewarded as a third of the swords to his right disappeared.
"Very good. Next. What was that force? Was it God? Was it something unknown? Was it your hollow?"
Ichigo pursed his lips for a moment, unhappy with the question. "It was my hollow." A third of the swords to his left disappeared.
Zangetsu nodded in approval. "Next, we'll talk history a bit. Your mother and father, the circumstances under which they came together were unusual, don't ya think – wait, don't answer that. The short answer is yes. Your hollow would be a good source of information about that. Now, if you wanted to get that information, who do you think would be the guy to ask, me, or the guy upstairs?"
Ichigo was certain he was close to the truth now. He leveled a steely glare at Zangetsu and answered firmly, "The guy upstairs."
"You seem confident," Zangetsu smirked as all the swords to Ichigo's left disappeared. They now stood at the end of a long row of swords. "Now, that means that they guy upstairs is your hollow, not me. Then who am I?"
"You are my Zanpakuto," Ichigo answered impatiently. They had already discussed that.
"Correct. I didn't even give you the multiple choice options…" Zangetsu said as the line of swords shortened by half. "So the guy upstairs is your hollow, not me. He was always here, by the way, but he wasn't able to cause much of a ruckus before a certain event. Which event was it? Your entrance into Hueco Mundo, or your death?"
Ichigo's eyes widened in shock. Yes, he should have died in his fight against Ulquiorra on the dome of Las Noches, but he hadn't actually died. At least he didn't think so.
Zangetsu was impatient and interrupted Ichigo's thoughts. "Which was it, your entrance, or your death?"
"My death?" Ichigo answered it as a question, and a cold river or fear snaked its way down his spine as all but three swords disappeared.
"Yeah! Now he's gettin' somewhere!" Zangetsu shouted gleefully.
Ichigo's eyes watered and nostrils flared as he fought to keep tears from falling down his face. He had never felt so alone before, nor such a heavy sense of dread. Somehow, he knew that the worst was yet to come.
"We're so close now! Now we've established that you did, in fact die. Then how is it that you are alive? Was it because Queen called out to you? Was she able to reject your death? Or was it because your hollow wanted to live, and you just happen to be his vessel?"
Ichigo rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and sniffled, and his voice sounded tortured as he answered, "My hollow wanted to live."
"Righto!" Zangetsu cheered as another sword fell into oblivion. "Your hollow had always been weak, but had been growing weaker as your shinigami powers grew. When you entered his homeland, Hueco Mundo, he slowly grew more powerful. But there was something else there that allowed him to manifest and possess your dead body. Something restorative. What do you think that was? The hogyoku? Or Queen Bee's Shun Shun Rikka?"
Ichigo didn't even open his eyes as he answered, "Inoue's Shun Shun Rikka," voice dripping with shame. He was finally beginning to understand how he had been letting his hollow feed off of Orihime's power unchecked. The second to last sword fell.
"Good boy! Now, last but not least, who do you think started calling her 'Queen'? Me or Mr. Grumpy-pants upstairs?"
"Upstairs." The last sword fell. It was quiet. Ichigo opened his eyes and saw that Zangetsu was gone, but in his place was one last sword: his zanpakuto.
Ichigo rubbed the palms of his hands on his eyes before bringing them up to grasp painfully at the roots of his hair, pulling as he pitched his head back to shout a wail of regret into the black sky. He fell to his knees and choked on his tears, pounding curses into the ground, before roughly grabbing Zangetsu by the hilt and using it to steady himself up to his feet. He looked down at himself to see that he now wore a black shinigami robes. In his mind, he heard Zangetsu's voice tell him, "You were supposed to stay dead. The only reason you are alive is because of him. You have three choices now: fight him, submit to him, or die as you were meant to do. You know which one I'd recommend."
Ichigo hardened his expression as he watched the illusion of the Hueco Mundo landscape fade away to reveal a stormy version of his regular inner world. He wiped his nose on the sleeve of his robes, nodded, and answered in a thick voice, "Fight."
Sorry for the delay, needed inspiration. Please review xoxo!