The next few days passed quickly for me, partly due to even more guardian duties. On top of all my trainings with Rose, I was covering for Emil who had gone off sick. I was happy to do it for a friend, and I knew he would do the same for me, but it meant I had even less time to myself. There wasn't anything I particularly wanted to do, but I did resent that it meant I had less time to spend in Rose's training, and I hadn't gotten an opportunity to ask how she was doing with the rumours still going around.

I resented the Zeklos boy so strongly I often found myself worked up and breathing heavily when I was guarding a lesson with him in. I wanted him to pay for the pain he had caused Rose, but I managed to keep a lid on my temper and resorted to burning the back of his head with my glare. I had noticed that the rumours had died down a little thankfully, and whilst it surprised me that they were dying away that fast, I certainly wasn't going to complain.

I woke up about 20 minutes before my session with Rose this morning, and was so thankful that Emil was back at work today. I had done a night shift as well as early mornings two days in a row and it was starting to take a toll on my body.

I dragged myself out of bed and pulled on a clean set of workout clothes, planning to actually train with Rose this morning as I hadn't been able to these last few days.

I arrived at the gym 10 minutes early and set up the equipment we would need on the field. 5 minutes late as usual, she turned up, bleary eyed but put together. I presumed she was the type of girl that rolled out of bed 2 minutes before she was due somewhere and always looked put together.

"Let's run" I said gently once she had put down her bag.

We set off at a good pace and running the usual distance. I didn't push her speed and was gentler than usual, perhaps because my heart didn't want to cause her anymore pain. Once we were done, we headed back into the gym and I decided to do a combat exercise that I knew she would enjoy rather than strength and conditioning. She fought well, and even managed to get a few hits on me that I knew elated her, even if they didn't do any actual damage to me, it was still progress.

After we were done, she helped me carry all the equipment back into the gym, and she started putting things on shelves. I caught a glance of red as she moved, and I looked down at her hands. They were chapped raw, and the skin had cracked, bleeding in some places.

"Your hands!" I exclaimed, swearing under my breath at the pain they must have been causing her that I hadn't even noticed. "Where are your gloves?"

"Don't have any" she replied. "Never had any need for them in Portland."

I swore again, feeling stupid and insensitive that I had never even noticed that she was missing something so fundamental.

"We'll get you some" I said gruffly, making sure my feelings didn't come through, and I sat her down on a nearby chair.

"I started cleaning them up, and couldn't help but feel a rush of heat as my hands held hers.

"This is only the start isn't it?" She said suddenly.

"Of what?"

"Me. Turning into Alberta. Her… and all the other female guardians. They're all leathery and stuff. Fighting and training, and always being outdoors, they aren't pretty anymore."

She paused, and I opened my mouth to argue, but she continued again.

"This…this life. It destroys them. Their looks, I mean."

I paused in cleaning her hands, and felt emotion pull in my chest. How could I tell her how beautiful she was? How nothing would ever take that away? How she made me feel things I shouldn't? I looked up into her eyes, and noticed her pupils dilate ever so slightly.

"It won't happen to you." I whispered. "You're too…"

I stopped myself before I called her beautiful. I had already crossed a line, and as hard as it was, I couldn't let myself speak the words. If I did, I didn't know if I would be able to hold myself back. I shook my head, and began working on her hands again.

"It won't happen to you" I said.

"It happened to my mom. She used to be beautiful. I guess she still is, sort of. But not the way she used to be."

Her voice turned bitter.

"Haven't seen her in a while" she added. "She could look completely different for all I know".

"You don't like your mother" I said.

With Rose, I felt the need to fix all her problems. To help her grow as a person, and to help her understand how she could improve relationships with people she didn't get on with.

"You noticed that huh?" She said wryly.

"You barely know her".

"That's the point!" She argued, the pitch of her voice rising. "She abandoned me. She left me to be raised by the Academy".

I finished cleaning her hands, and moved to grab a jar of salve I kept in a cupboard for when my own hands became dry and chapped. I began rubbing it into her hands.

"You say that…but what else should she have done? I know you want to be a guardian. I know how much it means to you. Do you think she feels any differently? Do you think she should have quit to raise you when you'd spend most of your life here anyway?"

I knew she wouldn't like what I said, but I still had the urge to fix everything for her and make her see reason, however hard it was.

"Are you saying I'm a hypocrite?" She asked, annoyed.

"I'm just saying maybe you shouldn't be so hard on her. She's a very respected dhampir woman. She's set you on the path to be the same".

"It wouldn't kill her to visit more" she muttered, "But I guess you're right. A little. It could have been worse, I suppose. I could have been raised with blood whores".

My stomach clenched at her disgusted tone. It was something I heard a lot, but not from her, and I didn't like it. Even if I knew it was just because of a lack of education.

"I was raised in a dhampir commune." I told her, looking up. "They aren't as bad as you think".

Her expression turned embarrassed.

"Oh." She said. "I didn't mean…"

"It's alright" I cut in, knowing she didn't mean to hurt me.

"So, did you, like have family there? Grow up with them?" She asked, curiosity filling her voice.

I nodded, working on her hands again.

"My mother and two sisters. I didn't see much of them after I went to school, but we still keep in touch. Mostly the communities are about family. There's a lot of love there, no matter what stories you've heard".

I was glad that this conversation had come up. Anyone I could educate about what it was really like the better, and it was even better that it was her.

"Yeah, but…isn't it weird? Aren't there a lot of Moroi men visiting to, you know" she said after pausing to think on my words.

"Sometimes" I said harshly, my mind flitting back to my abusive father.

"I…I'm sorry" she stammered. "I didn't mean to bring up something bad…"

"Actually… you probably wouldn't think its bad" I said, after pausing for some time to get control over my raging feelings she had brought up.

I smiled tightly.

"You don't know your father, do you?" I asked her, and she shook her head.

"No. All I know is he must have had wicked cool hair".

I glanced up and my eyes took in the hair that I loved so much.

"Yes, he must have" I whispered. "I knew mine" I said carefully, returning to her hands, and I felt her tense.

"Really? Most Moroi guys don't stay…I mean some do, but you know, they usually just…"

"Well he liked my mother" I interrupted, not liking where she was going. "And he visited her a lot. He's my sisters father too. But when he came…well, he didn't treat my mother very well. He did some horrible things".

The memories of my mother's injuries came flooding back to me.

"Like…" she hesitated. "Blood whore things?"

"Like beating her up kinds of things I said flatly, conscious that we were talking about my own mother.

"Oh god" she said, and squeezed my hands, making me realise that I was still holding hers even though I had finished bandaging them.

I returned the squeeze, and felt heat rush through my body from such a simple action.

"That's horrible" she continued. "And she…she just let it happen?"

"She did" I confirmed, and smiled sadly at the thought of the next part of the story. "But I didn't."

I saw the excitement fill her features.

"Tell me, tell me you beat the crap out of him".

I smiled broadly at her response.

"I did."

"Wow" she said, eyes wide. "You beat up your dad. I mean, that's really horrible…what happened. But wow. You really are a god."

I blinked, confused at her last words.

"What?"

"Uh, nothing" she said hastily. "How old were you?"

"Thirteen" I replied, still puzzling out her last sentence.

"You beat up your dad when you were thirteen?" She explained.

"It wasn't that hard. I was stronger than he was, almost as tall. I couldn't let him keep doing that. He had to learn that being royal and Moroi doesn't mean you can do anything you want to other people, even blood whores".

My words shocked even me, but I felt passionately, and knew what people called my mother.

"I'm sorry" she said quietly.

"It's alright".

I saw something flicker in her eyes as I gazed into them.

"That's why you got so upset about Jesse, isn't it? He was just another royal, trying to take advantage of a dhampir girl".

I averted my eyes from hers, feeling a rush of feelings when I thought back to that moment.

"I got upset over that for a lot of reasons. After all, you were breaking the rules and…"

Once again, I had to stop myself before I revealed too much. I looked back up to her eyes and felt the warmth return, but this time she looked down.

"I know you heard what people are saying, that I…"

"I know its not true" I said, interrupting her.

"Yeah but how do you…" she said, her eyes wide.

"Because I know you" I said firmly. "I know your character. I know you're going to be a great guardian".

She smiled sadly.

"I'm glad someone does. Everyone else just thinks I'm totally irresponsible".

"With the way you worry more about Lissa that yourself?" I said, shaking my head. "No. You understand your responsibilities better than guardians twice your age. You'll do what you have to do to succeed".

Her face turned thoughtful.

"I don't know if I can do everything I have to do" she said, and I ran through possible next words that worried me, but lifted one eyebrow in response.

"I don't want to cut my hair" she explained, bringing relief to me.

"You don't have to cut your hair. It's not required" I said, puzzled at her answer.

"All the other guardian women do. They show off their tattoo's" she argued.

I suddenly realised her hands and leant forward, unable to stop myself. I reached out and held a lock of hair that had escaped her ponytail, twirling it around my finger and marvelling at its beauty. She gazed at me softly, her lips slightly parted and breathing heavy. I let go of the hair suddenly, and pulled away, suppressed that I had let myself do such a thing. I had exposed myself and my feelings, but I couldn't help my next words, despite trying to rein myself in. Not when we were discussing her hair, the hair I loved so much.

"Don't cut it" I said gruffly, not looking at her.

"But, no one'll see my tattoos if I don't" she said breathily.

I stood up and moved to the doorway to get me away from the dangerous girl. I closed my eyes briefly with my back to her, fighting for control once again.

"Wear it up".

I hope you liked this chapter, please leave a review :)

If you read my other on-the-go story Your Arms, then you will already know this, but I have been super, super busy lately with various things, and that is why this story hasn't been updated for a few weeks. I am starting a new year of studying this week, and its notorious for being really time consuming and difficult, so whilst I will try my hardest to update as quickly as possible, expect slower updates. I will probably take it in turns updating my two active stories (This one and Your Arms) so please bear with me!

A massive thank you for all the support you guys have given me so far and I hope you'll continue to stick with me :)