Chapter 44: For Our Future

"Congratulations to you as well, Inoue-san." Ishida said with a polite bow.

Orihime smiled and returned the sentiment. It had taken a long time for her fellow handicrafter to change his tune, but today, their graduation from high school, marked a significant improvement in their friendship.

Not that it would probably ever return to normal. Uryu would go on to Tokyo University. Of course he would; he was top of their class.

It was alright, though. All things changed, she had come to learn. Her eyes drifted to where Ulquiorra stood, a brief distance away, as she and her classmates congratulated one another.

Change.

It wasn't something she loved. Orihime craved stability, and she had never had a lot of it during her short life.

She looked over at her best friend and her group of girlfriends. Tatsuki had experienced a lot of change this year. Her relationship with Chad had ended amicably, although she was sometimes melancholy about it. But they had different goals in life, and neither wanted to hold the other back.

She looked back over to Ulquiorra and her stomach twisted a bit. Would the same thing happen to them?

She didn't realize that she had sighed when she felt a heavy hand fall onto her shoulder.

"Congratulations, Orihime-chan!" the stubbly face of Isshin Kurosaki was suddenly in Orihime's. "So, you and Ichigo are going to start at Karakura University next month! So exciting! Whenever you need study buddies or encouragement, you're always welcome at the Kurosaki abode, isn't that right, Ichigo?" the older man boomed as he pushed his son over to his ex-girlfriend.

"Uh, yeah. It's nice to know that there will already be a friendly face around campus, isn't it?" Ichigo mumbled, scratching the back of his neck.

Orihime nodded and agreed. Things between her and Ichigo seemed to have gone back to how they had been before they started dating the year before, much to her relief. It wasn't Ulquiorra's favorite thing, though.

Her eyes searched his out, again. The strain of the knowledge that he would be leaving had taken a toll on their relationship. They were still very much in love, but there was a small but growing distance between them. She felt heaviness in his presence, instead of joy. It wasn't supposed to be this way.

Every once in a while, she found herself thinking that she was looking forward to him leaving. To have the heaviness gone.

That made her sad. She didn't want to feel that way about him. There were moments when she was desperate to find a way to keep him by her side, but he would always remind her that his decision to leave was not going to change, and that it was for the best; for their futures.

She knew he was right, but she didn't like it.

She didn't like having this day, her graduation day, spoiled by all these negative emotions. This was supposed to be a celebration.

It felt like a funeral.

Ulquiorra felt it, too. While he was not as distressed at the idea of leaving Orihime alone for a period of time, the change in her demeanor had been disturbing to him. She would alternate between clingy and withdrawn. He would feel her go out to fight hollows more and more frequently, usually meeting up with Kurosaki and sometimes Ishida. It especially bothered him that she would be in high spirits after these encounters, only for her mood to tank when she met him. He picked up these sometimes not-so-subtle shifts in her mood from her spiritual pressure.

He didn't like it. He didn't like that she was happier with her friends than with him. But Urahara insisted. Every evening they shared a meal together, the old shinigami would reinforce the idea that this separation was absolutely necessary. Without learning who he was in the world of the living, apart from Orihime, and without earning qualifications for a livelihood, his future with the woman would always be in jeopardy, he said.

Ulquiorra sighed just before his girlfriend turned to face him.

Yeah. This wasn't going to be easy.

xXxXx

"I'm all settled in, Woman. No women have approached me. I believe my appearance and demeanor have kept them at an appropriate distance," Ulquiorra said into his phone.

There was a deep breath on the other end of the line. "It's weird that you're living in a new place and I'm still in my same old spot, even though I'm starting a new chapter in my life, too. It just doesn't seem quite real," she replied, sounding much better than she had the day before.

Their parting had been extremely rough, and after he left her at the train station, she had been despondent. She woke up feeling empty. However, over the course of the day she received emails from her new professors with class information. She got texts and calls from her other friends expressing nervousness and excitement about their new lives. She also accepted an invitation from Ichigo to have lunch with his family at his house.

It had done a lot to cheer her up, and to get her to feel something besides lonely.

"You sound much improved, Woman."

"I am feeling a little better. I think the fear of you leaving was worse than you actually being gone. Talking to you on the phone like this, it really makes no difference if you're two prefectures away or if you are just two neighborhoods away. Also, I'm getting a bit overwhelmed with all of this information about my new classes. I had no idea what to expect, but this seems like a lot," Orihime admitted, although she was trying to be optimistic.

There was a hum of agreement. "I'm glad you are feeling better, Woman. I do miss you, though."

She felt slightly ashamed. Here she was, the one who had been throwing fits because he was leaving, and now she was better and he sounded sad. Was she that fickle?

"I miss you, of course, Ulquiorra. You know I do."

The former arrancar nodded. "I know. So, I was thinking, that after we have a week or so of getting used to our new lifestyles, I could come back and spend a weekend with you."

Orihime's brows rose. This day was going from okay to good quickly. "Yeah! I would love that, having some time with you to look forward to!"

A smile appeared on Ulquiorra's pale face. "Good. I will plan to take the train back in two weeks."

xXxXx

Orihime and Ulquiorra's reunion two weeks later had been intense. Orihime vibrated the entire handheld walk from the train station back to her apartment, and they didn't wait more than five minutes before falling into bed together. Nearly the entire weekend was spent there, and at the end of it, Orihime had been an emotional wreck again.

"Woman, I will be back. I promise you."

And he was. Another several weeks later, he returned. Once again, they spent the weekend in bed together, taking a break to visit Urahara's bunker and train. Orihime hadn't let her skills get rusty during Ulquiorra's absence. She explained that with Ishida gone, she and Ichigo were busier at nights, vanquishing hollows.

Ulquiorra tried not to visibly bristle at the substitute shinigami's name.

Again, when he left, Orihime was unhappy.

This pattern continued the three months until summer break. Ulquiorra's school had several more days off than Orihime's, and he decided to come back early and surprise her. Following her spiritual pressure, he tracked her down at the Karakura University campus. He watched from the center of the school green area as she exited a building, surrounded by smiling faces. He noticed how males would crowd or blush at her. He saw how her eyes snapped to his as his spiritual pressure spiked at the sight of a young man casually slinging an arm over her shoulder.

It hadn't meant anything. Orihime was a beautiful young woman. It was common for her male classmates to try to get her attention. As soon as she saw Ulquiorra standing there, she shrugged it off and took off running towards him.

"Ulquiorra! What are you doing here! I didn't expect you until Friday!" she called out with a huge grin on her face. When she met him, she paused. There was something off about her boyfriend.

"Who was that? Who was that man who touched you?"

Orihime looked over her shoulder at the group of dispersing classmates. "Uh, him? I think his name is Toshi- Toru? I'm not exactly sure. I haven't spoken with him very much-"

"And yet you would allow him to touch you? You do not even know his name?!" Ulquiorra interrupted, his features growing stern.

Orihime sighed, slipping her hand between his elbow and his body and turning him around. "No. He's just trying to get me to notice him. I don't even know his name, so obviously I haven't noticed him," she said, trying to reassure him.

Ulquiorra scoffed and reluctantly followed. After they had walked about half a block, he muttered, "I wanted to surprise you."

Orihime stopped, suddenly feeling very guilty. This wasn't good. Why would she feel guilty? She hadn't done anything wrong. "You did surprise me," she responded.

"But you don't seem that happy about it."

"I am happy, Ulquiorra. You are the one who seems unhappy."

Another scoff. Ulquiorra was silent the rest of the way back to the woman's apartment. Maybe Urahara was right. Maybe they needed more than just physical distance.

That summer break, they made love every night. They went out with the woman's new friends. Ulquiorra watched her smile and laugh with them. He compared her behavior to how she acted when they were alone.

It was not good.

Orihime was often melancholy with him. She would fall into silent, sad spells that he was unable to rouse her from. She always said it was because she already missed him, even though he hadn't left, yet.

The day before their summer break was scheduled to end, Ulquiorra made a couple of cups of tea and asked Orihime to sit. "We need to talk."

Orihime sat down and held her cup, regarding him cautiously. She had felt that he was becoming increasingly uncommunicative during their nearly six-week break between school terms. "What about?" she asked.

"Us. This," he replied, gesturing between them. "Something is wrong."

Her brows lowered. "What do you mean?"

Ulquiorra's lips pressed together. "You can't mean to tell me that you haven't noticed it. Something has changed. You are unhappy."

Orihime sighed. Not this again. Not now. "Of course I'm unhappy, Ulquiorra. You're leaving again tomorrow."

"No, that's not it. You are happy with your friends. You even smile at Kurosaki. You no longer smile for me," he replied, leveling a heavy gaze on her.

Well, he was right about that. Her other friends didn't cause her to feel the highs and lows of emotion that he brought out in her. Her other friends didn't leave her with the same sense of emptiness and loss she felt when he left her. "This is hard," she finally said. "I feel lost without you."

Ulquiorra frowned and stood up. "As do I, Woman." He began to pace the living room. "Orihime, I love you. I love you more than anything, but this is not good. Urahara was right."

She shook her head. What was he talking about? "What are you talking about? What did Urahara say?"

Green eyes found dark ones. "He said that I need to learn who I am in this world apart from you. That I can't do that if I'm coming back to Karakura every other weekend."

"What?" Her face looked horrified. If he meant what she thought he meant… She didn't want to consider it.

He turned and saw her expression, and his resolve faltered for a moment. He shook his head and took a deep breath, approaching her and gathering her in his arms. "It won't be forever. Just until winter break. But we need this, Woman. How are we to grow if we do not allow each other space to do so?"

"I don't want to grow apart from you!" she cried, balling her fists and bringing them to his chest to push him back. "I want to be with you!"

"As do I, Woman, but I want what we have to last! I don't want to live a blind life without purpose. I do not want you to do that, either. You are everything to me, Woman, and that is the problem! Any small shift in your mood, and I suffer. Any small misunderstanding and we feel like the sky is falling. We have no perspective. Our trust is damaged."

"Yeah, because you had to run away from me! We could be making our lives and growing up together, but you had to-"

"Don't, Orihime. Don't. Maybe you're right. Maybe everything would have been fine, but it's not fine, now. We need space. I need space."

Orihime's heart was shattering into a million pieces. He didn't want to be around her. He didn't want her. Why would he do this to her? Why now? "Are you breaking up with me?" she asked in a tiny, shuddering voice.

"No. Certainly not. I just… I just want to take a break. Not a break up. A break. I am not human, Woman. You have seventeen years of a head start on me. I apologize that I require time to get up to speed with you. To become your equal. To not be a burden on you."

"You're not!" she wept, trying to hide it behind her hair.

"Please, Orihime," he replied, trying to keep his face and voice calm. He could feel his resolve crumbling and his vision blur. He blinked at the ceiling a couple of times, but despite his efforts, tears followed the same lines down his cheeks that the color teal did in his former life. "Please, believe me. I love you. I love you so much, but I need this."

Orihime collapsed on the sofa behind her and cried. She knew there was nothing she could say that would change his mind. She did not think he was a burden on her. She thought he was better than her. That was why she was so afraid. He would realize that he was better than her. He would realize it and meet someone who was his equal and leave her behind. "I love you," she whimpered.

His heart was breaking. She looked so small and sad. "Come, Woman," he murmured as he picked her up and brought her to bed. After settling her onto the soft surface, he smoothed her hair away from her face and kissed every part of it, whispering his declarations of devotion to her, promising to return to her.

She let him do it, but she didn't believe him. She returned every kiss, and eventually every thrust, as they made love that night.

In their mutual sadness and desperation, each of them made silent wishes. For him, it was that she would understand that he would never give up on her. That something would make her realize that his love for her was eternal and that they were bound to each other. For her part, she wished for something that would change his mind; to make him stay. Something more than words that would cement them together.

These passionate, heavy emotions carried them through the night. Neither of them succumbed to sleep until just before dawn.

Orihime felt like she had a weight tied around her neck when she said goodbye to Ulquiorra at the train station.

He didn't know what to feel. He was either doing something right, or making the worst mistake of his life. He decided to have faith. Urahara had always acted in his best interests. He had to have faith that the old man knew what he was talking about. Orihime was barely an adult. By the next time they met, she would be nineteen. Still not even at the age of majority in Japan. Of course they needed this time. She was still not able to legally marry, if that was something she wanted to do with him.

Although they had not had discussions about it, it was something he wanted. When the time came, he wanted to be prepared. He wanted to be able to offer her a life worth living. He was convinced that if they just let things go on as they had been, she would eventually tire of him and his neediness and move on.

He wouldn't allow it. He did need her. Life without her would not be worth living. He had to ensure that they could be sustainably happy.

xXxXx

No calls. No texts. Weekly emails was all he would agree to allow. Nothing other than a life-threatening emergency would change these boundaries.

She sighed, looking down at her computer, re-reading the email she was composing. It felt lifeless, just like she did this past week.

Her friends had noticed. She saw them whispering to one another, giving her concerned glances. That one guy who was always trying to get her attention had asked her if something was bothering her. She just smiled and dismissed his worries.

She pressed her eyes closed and rubbed her temples. Ulquiorra was right about one thing, this wasn't the end of everything. It didn't have to be. Surely he hadn't moved on already.

There was a voice in the back of her mind telling her that he had already moved on before summer break, and this "break" from their relationship was just a way for him to slowly detach himself from her and into someone else's bed, without having to break up with her properly.

God, she was such a loser. Did she really think that? If she did, then Ulquiorra was right. Things between them weren't working already.

She flopped back onto the tatami floor of her living room, stretching her legs out under the low table that held her laptop. She needed a change of scenery.

And just like that, her phone buzzed.

From: Ichigo Kurosaki

Sent: 1:45 p.m.

Hey, how are you holding up? You've seemed down lately. Do you want to meet up for coffee or something?

A/N: I'm back! I have the next chapter half-written, too. We're getting close to the end! Let me know what you think about this turn of event! xoxox-JKRob