Chapter 45: Lack of Clarity

Orihime stared at Ichigo's text on and off for about twenty minutes, thinking about it. She decided to finish up her email to Ulquiorra and clear her mind before responding.

Dear Ulquiorra,

So, I did it. I waited all week to contact you. How is it going? It's been hard not talking to you. I won't lie, it's been terribly lonely. I miss you. I'm okay, otherwise. I was just invited out to coffee. I think I'm going to go. I need someone to talk to, and, well, you said we can't talk, so…

This is hard.

I love you.

Orihime

She sat with her feelings for several more minutes before responding to Ichigo.

From: Orihime Inoue

Sent: 2:22

Actually, you're right. I have been down. I could use a pick-me-up, I think. Would you want to go this afternoon yet?

She sighed after sending the text. She felt vaguely guilty, but quickly shook it off. Ichigo had regained his status as a friend to her over the course of the past several months. Besides, if anyone was safe to meet up with, it was the guy who had told her that they could never get back together.

From: Ichigo Kurosaki

Sent: 2:28 p.m.

Yeah! That will work. I'm just finishing up some reading and I could meet you at the coffee place near Urahara's in like, forty-five minutes? Would that work?

Orihime smiled and texted back her acceptance. This was good. This was a good reason to take a quick shower and get dressed. She had spent the entire weekend in the same set of pajamas.

Forty-five minutes later, with still-damp hair, she entered the coffee shop. A chime on the door sounded and an orange head turned in her direction.

"Hi," Ichigo said, a reserved smile on his face. He still wasn't sure about her emotional state, so he wanted to play it safe.

"Hey," she replied, returning the expression. "Thanks for inviting me," she added before queuing up beside him in line at the counter. There were only a couple of customers ahead of them.

"Sure thing. So what do you want to drink?" Ichigo asked.

"Oh, I always get the same thing-"

"Cafe au lait?" Ichigo interrupted.

"Yeah, you remembered?" Orihime asked, looking up at him with a confused smile.

Ichigo's cheeks brightened ever-so-slightly. "Yeah. We dated for a good amount of time, Orihime," he teased and nudged her arm with his elbow.

Orihime snorted in a good-natured way. "I guess I am pretty predictable."

"You said it, not me," Ichigo said and walked up to take his turn in line. "Black coffee and a cafe au lait, please."

"Oh let me-"

"I got it, Inoue." Ichigo let his eyes meet hers for just a moment and nodded once, then turned his face back to the cashier.

The way he said it left no room for arguments. Orihime's face heated and she turned her face to the front. "You know I'm still with-"

"I know. Can't a friend treat another friend to coffee to catch up?"

Orihime sighed in relief. "Yeah, of course, you're right. I just didn't want a misunderstanding."

"No worries, Orihime."

xXxXx

Orihime felt a bit better after she came back home. Ichigo listened to her concerns and tried to make her feel better about it. He said Ulquiorra was probably just trying to prove that he was worthy of her.

What neither of these dumb boys seemed to understand was that to her, Ulquiorra had always been worthy.

Orihime cleaned up and got ready for bed before checking her emails. She sat on the floor and fired up her laptop, smiling wistfully when she saw an unread message from Ulquiorra.

That smile didn't last long. About seven seconds later, she was frowning.

Seven seconds. That's all it took to read his reply email. Twice.

Woman,

I am pleased to hear you are well.

Love, Ulquiorra

xXxXx

The week that followed found Orihime crankier than usual. She was short-tempered, sighing when she felt irritated instead of her usual cheer in spite of it. She ran into Ichigo in the middle of the night while chasing down a hollow. When the thing was killed, she didn't feel any better.

"You okay, Inoue?"

Orihime growled. She could confide in him, right?

"Not really. I'm in a bad mood."

"Oh boy, anything you want to talk about?"

"Just… Just the same as we talked about last time." Orihime sighed and lowered her shoulders. Surely he didn't want to hear her complain about her boyfriend again.

Ichigo nodded. "Hey, give it some time. It's probably not easy on him, either."

xXxXx

It wasn't easy on Ulquiorra. He tried to throw himself into his studies, but he frequently found his thoughts wandering towards memories of and concerns about Orihime. Her email the past Sunday had sounded so sad. He was struggling with the idea of whether he was doing the right thing.

He had called Urahara instead of Orihime, though. The shinigami had assured Ulquiorra that he was acting in both of their best interests, and one day Orihime would be grateful that Ulquiorra was mature enough to do this for them.

After speaking with Urahara, Ulquiorra decided to heed his benefactor's advice and wrote the relatively impersonal response, compared to what he wanted to write. He wanted to tell her that every day without her was agony and that he wished she would drop what she was doing and come to meet him.

He couldn't do that to her, though. He couldn't do that to them. He had to keep thinking of their long-term happiness. At least that was what he kept telling himself.

xXxXx

What the hell? Orihime asked herself. She sat at her laptop, three weeks after Ulquiorra had put them on "a break", and stared at her email inbox.

There was no response. It had been over twenty-four hours since she sent her email, and there was still no response.

She tried not to panic. Maybe there was a perfectly good explanation for this.

Yeah, probably that he had grown weary of her and didn't want to deal with her anymore.

No. No, that couldn't be it. Maybe he got locked out of his emails? Yeah, that was possible. Even though they had agreed not to, she decided to try to text him.

From: Orihime Inoue

Sent: 9:32 p.m.

Hey, I know we agreed not to text, but I didn't hear back from you this week and I was worried. I sent an email. Please let me know if you didn't get it. Love you. (heart)

There. She watched the screen to see if he was going to respond. Minutes later, there was nothing.

She told herself to be patient. Maybe he had an exam or something that he needed to focus on. She sat in front of her television and eventually fell asleep on her sofa.

The next morning, she woke up to the sounds of a morning news announcer blaring from the still-on television. She rubbed her eyes and heard a dull thump as her phone fell from where she had left it on the sofa to the floor. That's right! She had been waiting for a response.

She picked up her phone, anxiety prodding her in the chest as she unlocked it and looked at her text messages.

Read.

The message was read.

There was no response.

She set the phone down. She would wait.

xXxXx

"Is Urahara-san in?"

"Yes, Inoue-dono. What can I say brings you here?"

"I just wanted to ask if he'd heard from Ulquiorra. I sent him a message last weekend and I haven't heard back. It's been four days. I'm getting worried."

"Just a moment." Tessai said before turning back into the shadowy hallway of the residence attached to the shoten.

Orihime stood in the dimly lit space for what felt like a long time, feeling slightly nauseated. She wasn't sure which answer Urahara would provide -if any- and she wasn't sure which one she would want to hear more.

She didn't hear the old man coming. She didn't detect him at all, having been so involved in her own worries. When he greeted her with a quiet, "Good afternoon, Inoue-san," she startled and swirled around.

"Oh, Urahara-san, you frightened me!" she peeped, grabbing the corner of a shelf for stability. That quick spin made her a bit dizzy.

"I'm sorry about that, Inoue-san. What can I help you with today?"

"Have you heard from Ulquiorra? I wrote to him-"

"Oh yes," Urahara interrupted. "I just spoke with him this morning. Busy, busy, busy, as I'm sure you know."

Orihime's mouth fell open, and she couldn't think of a response for a minute. Finally, she asked, "Did he say anything about me?"

Urahara tapped his scruffy chin with his fan a few times, his eyes glancing up at the brim of his striped hat. After a long moment he replied, "No. Well, he did say that you continue to contact him. He mentioned that he spoke with you about wanting to have a bit of separation for the time being. I advise that you heed his wishes, Inoue-san, lest you push him away. He is working very hard to become the kind of man who would make a woman proud to be with him. Now, if you'll excuse me, Inoue-san, I have a call from Soul Society in a couple of minutes. Have a lovely day."

He turned and left Orihime standing, speechless, in the middle of his shop.

A woman.

A woman. Not necessarily Orihime.

Her nostrils flared. Her sinuses pricked.

No. No, she would not cry until she got home.

She walked out of the shop and down the street. She only made it a few blocks before the tears started to flow.

How could he do this?

She was so lost in her despair that she wasn't watching where she was going.

"Look out!" a male voice called out, and suddenly she was pressed against a warm body.

"What happened?" she squeaked, realizing that she was no longer standing on her own feet. She pressed her hands against her eyes, clearing the tears out of them, and then looked up into the familiar, severe scowl of Ichigo Kurosaki.

"What happened? What happened?! Orihime, you just walked out into oncoming traffic! You almost got yourself killed! What happened to you?" Ichigo tried not to growl at her, but he was too upset by what he had witnessed. It appeared to him that she had just done it without regard to her own safety.

Orihime looked left and right. They stood on the corner near a traffic light of a busy intersection. It was mid-afternoon and traffic was plentiful. She looked back up at her ex's face and shook her head. "I'm sorry, I was thinking…"

"Thinking? Orihime, I don't think you were thinking, unless you were thinking about offing yourself. Come with me," he demanded, releasing her from his arms, but taking her hand and pulling her in the direction of Kurosaki Clinic.

"Where are we going?"

"Home. Obviously there is something wrong with you." Ichigo scoffed and gave her hand a little tug as she hesitated. His heart was racing, and the inside of his mouth tasted like metal. She had been a half second away from her demise when he pulled her out of the path of the delivery van that had been barreling down the road. He didn't entirely trust her when she said it was accidental.

He didn't speak until he got to the clinic, entered through the business doors to avoid his sisters, sat her on a chair in an open examination room, and then shut the door. "What is going on, Orihime! Are you that depressed about that jackass ignoring you that you don't even care about your own life?" he accused, a shrill edge to his voice.

"No! No, honestly, Ichigo, I just was lost in thought-"

"Yeah, thoughts about the guy who left you on read and won't even talk to you. You're too good for that, Orihime. There are a hundred guys who would kill to talk to you. You don't deserve to be left behind and treated like that."

Orihime's lips pressed into a flat line and her brows wrinkled together. "That's funny, coming from you," she said in a deadpan voice. Maybe it was a cheap shot, but distracting him with how he had treated her when they broke up felt like a good strategy to deflect scrutiny at the moment.

Ichigo sighed heavily and ran a hand down the side of his face as he turned away from her. After a deep breath, he swung his butt around and sat on the examination table across from her. "I'm sorry, Orihime. I never wanted to hurt you. I didn't want to. I didn't want…"

He sighed again. "We're not talking about us right now, though. We've been hanging out a bit the past several weeks, and I've noticed that you've been becoming more and more withdrawn. He hasn't actually said it's over yet, right?"

Orihime's throat felt too tight to respond, so she shook her head. Her eyes said what her voice wouldn't though, and it made Ichigo shake his head.

"You think he's ghosting you?"

Orihime shrugged and gave a tiny, single nod.

"And if he is? It's not worth losing your life over, Orihime," he scolded gently.

Orihime took an unsteady breath and raised her eyes to his. "You don't understand, Ichigo. I love him."

His brows dropped. "I do understand, Orihime."

She shot him a confused look.

"That's not fair. Don't look at me like that."

She didn't stop, and he groaned, flopping back onto the exam table and staring at the ceiling. "Just because I'm the one who broke up with you, doesn't mean that I wanted to. I was conflicted about it. I loved you enough to let you go, at least. He won't even give you that."

Orihime's brows twitched. He was right about that. She didn't like it, but he was right. "I'm sorry, Ichigo, I just… I'm just scared and he won't talk to me and-" she choked on a sob and wasn't able to continue.

Ichigo sat up and watched her for a minute, twisting his lips to the side. It was not fair. She was such a sweetheart, and all her life, people just kept leaving her behind.

Not today.

"Come on, Inoue. You're not alone. Up. Let's go," he commanded quietly as he got up, smiling down at her so his eyes creased at the corners, and holding a hand out to her.

Orihime sniffed and looked at his hand for a moment before taking it, expecting to just be helped to her feet.

Ichigo pulled her to standing and then wrapped his arms around her, letting his lips rest in her hair, accidentally inhaling the nostalgic smell of her shampoo. The ever-present hum of her soothing reiatsu instantly relaxed him, and he murmured, "You need to get your mind off of it for awhile. We're going to watch some TV. You'll stay for dinner. We'll eat ice cream and watch more TV. Sound like a plan?"

Orihime was stunned at first, but at his words she relaxed, smiling as his warm, familiar scent filled her nostrils. "Yeah, it sounds like a good plan," she admitted with a watery chuckle.

xXxXx

It was an accident. Surely he didn't mean for it to happen, and neither did she, but they ended up falling asleep next to one another on the couch while streaming a mind-numbing television show on autoplay. And now she was trapped between a pair of strong arms.

"Ahem. Ichigo?" she asked quietly, not wanting to draw attention from the household's other members.

A deep, rumbling groan answered her.

"Ichigo, wake up! It's morning and I'm not even supposed to be here!" Orihime hissed, pressing her elbow into his ribs carefully, not to hurt him, but enough to bother him awake.

"Go back to sleep," he mumbled.

"Ichigo Kurosaki! Let me go this instant!" she growled as well as she could, twisting her torso and adding her other elbow into the mix.

"Huh?" he finally opened his eyes and realized what was going on. "Whoa! Sorry," he said, quickly sitting up and releasing her. "Did we fall asleep?"

"It would appear so," Orihime complained. Of course they had, what else could have happened? She pursed her lips and shook her head slightly as she straightened out her rumpled clothes and hair. "Sorry about that, I guess I haven't been sleeping well and kind of passed out."

Ichigo nodded, trying to keep his mouth closed and failing as he yawned. "I'm always tired. Hollows like to come out at night, as you well know."

Orihime nodded. "Well, I better go, before everyone else wakes up and thinks something is going on that is not."

"Sure. I'll see you in class on Monday," Ichigo replied, standing and walking to the door to see her out. "If you need anything, let me know. And look both ways before you cross the street this time!"

Orihime gave him a nod and a crooked smile before leaving the clinic behind.

xXxXx

From: Orihime Inoue

Sent: 2:54 p.m.

You want to meet up after class? I am starving. Like, so hungry I'm nauseous.

Orihime watched the clock as it seemed to crawl towards three o'clock, which marked the end of classes for the day. In the weeks that followed her accidental sleepover at the Kurosaki residence, she and Ichigo had been hanging out more and more frequently. Now it seemed like they had a standing engagement with one another. If either wanted to spend time together, it was kind of assumed that the other would make him or herself available.

It didn't help that Urahara had told Orihime -on her birthday, no less- that Ulquiorra was no longer going to contact her, at least not before the new year. The scientist had been blunt when he told her that she was nothing but a distraction. Orihime was reminded of the time before the Winter War when he had told her that she was worthless on the battlefield and had no place joining her friends there.

Now he was telling her that she had no place in the life of the person she loved.

It was harsh. She tried to call Tatsuki, but wasn't able to reach her, so she called Ichigo. He came over and comforted her. He even brought her a little box of cake.

Little did Orihime know that the reason she was sent away so abruptly was that Ulquiorra had, in fact, returned to Karakura. He could not bring himself to miss her birthday without at least seeing her. He stopped at Urahara's after departing the train and the old man tricked him into coming down to the bunker, where he was incapacitated and experimented on again.

Much to Urahara's dismay, the amalgamated voices of the hogyoku spoke again, this time of urgent wishes that involved Orihime. Kisuke was quite disturbed and decided to keep Ulquiorra until it was time for him to leave, locking him in the bunker.

Before he allowed him to be released, he showed the former Espada a heavily edited clip of the video he had taken of Ulquiorra speaking for the Hogyoku. Ulquiorra was so shocked by what he saw that he agreed to promise the blond to not return to Karakura or speak with Orihime in any way until Kisuke said it was safe.

Ulquiorra kept his promises still, months later. It didn't mean he liked it. Every day he beat himself up for making her so sad at their parting in the near the end of summer. He prayed she would forgive him for not returning her emails. She had stopped trying to contact him around the beginning of October.

His own heart was hurting. He missed Orihime dearly. He crossed off days in a calendar with longing pulling at his stomach. He said "goodnight" and "I love you" to a picture of her on his phone. He succumbed to sleep imagining the smell of her skin and the taste of her lips.

It was torture.

He was learning a lot about what it meant to be human. His speech was becoming more natural and his mannerisms less stilted. He was a quick study and was doing well in his coursework. It was just general studies, for now.

He was surprised, near the middle of November, when Kisuke asked him to come back for a check-up.

"What is it you wish to check, Kisuke Urahara?" Despite Ulquiorra's linguistic advancements, he still held on to the arbitrary formality of calling the shopkeeper by his full name.

"Don't you know? December first is the second anniversary of your birth, at least in this lifetime. I am under orders from Soul Society to examine you and report. I've already arranged with your professors to have your coursework sent electronically with a copy of their lecture notes. It will just be for one week; from the twenty-seventh of November until December the fifth."

Ulquiorra was both irritated and cautiously hopeful about this homecoming. It would be a major inconvenience, but perhaps Urahara would find that the Hogyoku had gone dormant again, or better still, had discovered some way to guarantee its containment. Either way, he would be closer to Orihime and would be able to detect her presence. "Very well. I will return on the twenty-seventh."

xXxXx

From: Ichigo Kurosaki

Sent: 3:00 p.m.

Yeah, just got out of class. What's with you feeling nauseated all the time? This is the third time this week you've said something like that. Anyway, I could go for something to snack on. Actually, I've got a sweet tooth today. Are you working later? We could stop at my house and have some leftovers and then I could walk you to the bakery and get some of those triple chocolate muffins. I have been dreaming of those…

Orihime laughed when she read his message. He had made a big deal about those muffins after she brought some for him to try before the class they shared on Tuesday mornings.

From: Orihime Inoue

Sent: 3:02 p.m.

No, I'm not working tonight. We can stop by the bakery after something more substantial and eat sweets at my place, if you want. I'm a bit tired and want to relax… but with company, lol.

From: Ichigo Kurosaki

Sent: 3:02 p.m.

LOL. OK I'll meet you outside.

xXxXx

Ichigo's teeth were chattering as he stood outside of Orihime's apartment. It was a chilly evening. He hadn't bothered with a jacket today. Now he had been waiting for a couple of minutes as she searched her purse and pockets for her keys.

"I'm sorry, I know I have it… I seem to be getting more and more forgetful," she mumbled.

"No worries, I know you've been under a lot of stress," he replied.

"Ah hah!" she said and smiled at him triumphantly. "I found it. And you're right, I have. And it's not just the forgetfulness. I've been eating nonstop, which is neither good for digestion nor my waistline. I'm going to have to change when we get inside, that cup of soup after the sandwich has left me bloated," she rambled as she unlocked the door and let them both in.

Ichigo laughed nervously. Orihime's way of speaking with him had grown more and more unfiltered as the weeks passed. At first he thought she was just venting, but recently the idea that perhaps she was just feeling more comfortable with him and wanted to shed the polite mask she normally wore to be closer to him crossed his mind. He didn't mind it, but it still surprised him once in awhile.

"You've had stomach problems for a couple of months, now," he noted.

"Yeah, but the worst of it is over. Now it's mostly just the overeating and bloating and once in awhile… sorry, that is TMI."

"TMI?"

"Too much information," she clarified. She was about to tell him about how gassy she could get. That was definitely TMI.

"Ah," Ichigo said, allowing the topic to lie as he found his way to the sofa and picked up the remote for her television. He set down the plastic bag that held the drinks and muffins he had bought for them at the bakery on the way over and turned on the news while he waited.

Orihime used the bathroom and went into her room to change. The sweater she wore was roomy and didn't bother her, but the leggings had to go. She peeled them off her legs, looked down at them, and frowned.

Leggings.

How were her leggings too tight? Did she shrink them in the wash?

Orihime shook her head and went to her closet, pulling out a pair of jeans she had bought the spring prior. They were on sale, and had been too big for her at the time. She stepped into the legs and pulled them over her butt, then went to pull up the zipper.

"What the hell?" Orihime muttered, now starting to get nervous. Did she really overeat that much? Had her metabolism slowed down so fast already? She was only nineteen!

She hadn't been training since Ulquiorra left. That must have been it. Still, it seemed extreme. Sighing, she ditched the jeans and went for a long skirt. She could wear it a bit higher up her waist and let the fabric flutter around her problem area.

"What the fuck?!"

Ichigo heard his ex. She sounded unhappy, and a bit panicky. "Is everything alright?" he called out, crossing the living room and coming to a stop in front of Orihime's bedroom door.

"No! No, it's not! How?" Orihime's voice cut off with a loud hiccup. Ichigo recognized that sound. She was starting to cry.

"Orihime, I'm coming in," he announced. There was nothing he could think of to cause this outburst unless she was injured or having an emotional breakdown because of that careless, inhuman creature she professed to still love.

Come to think of it, she hadn't said anything about that for awhile.

Nevertheless, he could hear her becoming more and more distressed, and he opened the door. "Orihime?" he said gently, eyes cast down to the floor in case she was not quite decent.

Her sharp inhalations came quickly for a few moments, and then she whined, "It doesn't fit! Nothing fits! Why didn't you tell me I was getting fat, Ichigo?"

The orange-haired man looked up to see her holding onto the waistband of a skirt that was stuck low on her hips. His eyes traveled up the uncovered swell above the visible pink band of her panties to the bottom of her bare belly. There was a small, clear protrusion. Her hips were wider. She was right, she had filled out quite a bit since they had dated.

It didn't make her any less attractive, to his eyes. Still, he could see that his opinion wasn't important to her at the moment. She had had one bad thing after another happen to her, and this must be the thing that made her lose her composure. He approached carefully and put his arms around her shaking shoulders.

"Shhh, Orihime. It's okay. It happens sometimes. It's okay. You're still beautiful to me, you know? If you're not happy about it we can go for runs together or something," he murmured into her hair as he tightened the hug a bit.

Orihime leaned into it, glad for the relief to her frayed emotions. She nodded as she tried to get her sniffles under control, the fabric of his long-sleeved t-shirt scratching the skin on her forehead as she did. She opened her mouth to agree with him; it wouldn't do to break down and sob about something as inconsequential as this.

But instead of words, a loud cry pushed past her lips and she let her arms come around his waist. If he was going to offer her comfort, she was going to take it. And take it she did as her fingers twisted into the back of his shirt and she pressed her body into his.

"Shhh. Shhh," Ichigo repeated, using one hand to smooth her hair from crown to waist several times. "It's okay. Let it out. You've been stressed."

She did. She cried for about five full minutes before she took a slow, deep breath, lifted her head off his chest, and let go of her death grip on his shirt. She took half a step back and looked up at his face. "Do you mean that?"

His amber brown eyes looked down into her darker ones. "Did I mean what?" he asked gently, pushing a strand of tear-matted hair out of her face.

"Did you mean it when you said I was still beautiful to you?"

He huffed through his nose before smiling at her. "Of course I do, Orihime. That has never changed."

Orihime stared into his eyes for a long moment, lower lip trembling a bit. She knew him. She knew he meant it. She knew he only wanted to be kind to her. This was the boy she fell for two years ago. He was here, now, telling her that despite how disgusted she felt with herself, that he still thought she was beautiful. She needed this reassurance more than she realized, and she didn't realize that she was reaching for the collar of his shirt or raising on her toes until her lips made contact with his.

A/N: Dun dun DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! I think there is only one more chapter left to this story! Let me know what you think of this development and whether I should bother finishing this story at all.