A/N: And so the show goes on (you can help your regularly scheduled one-shot production by hitting me up with a request wherever an inbox is available). I thought about reversing the roles of Ch. 3 and really liked the idea of Andy asking Leslie for advice again. Mostly because I love their relationship.
Tell me if you liked it. Or don't, whatever!
Andy's pretty happy in his marriage, but sometimes he has to wonder if he's the only one. A few years had made reading April pretty easy for the most part and yet he didn't really know if she was happy. When they dated everything was fun and games, marshmallow guns and pillow forts, but now they had bills and silverware and other gross, adult things. All of those were things that she vehemently fought against every step of the way, and part of Andy knew she was just being stubborn like only April could be but other times he felt like he was changing her in ways she didn't even want. Then he'd forget about all of that and they'd share a pizza over a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie that just hit streaming, make out over half of it, and spend the rest of the night either in bed or terrorizing the general populace of Pawnee.
Andy tried remembering that when he met April for lunch only to find her talking heatedly with the only person from the shelter she ever said anything favorable about. Most people she met there were categorized as either horrible excuses for people or human slime, but then there was Greg. Greg sounded like a superhero when Andy had to hear about him: he took Orin's strange animal obsession and squeezed all of the creepy out, only left with a classically handsome, short animal rights activist that made Andy feel confused about where he stood on the whole heterosexuality thing.
"Hey, babe," Andy spoke up, enunciating the second word much louder than necessary.
"Andy you're late," she complained, gesturing to the empty glasses and plates in front of the two already sitting down.
"April, Andy's just in time actually!" Greg said brightly, waving at him. Andy grunted and nodded but that didn't break his smile. He reminded Andy of Chris Traeger, but not in a fun way.
"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about something super important," April said, nodding to Greg. "There's a big conference in Bloomington this weekend for the vet school, where they get these guest speakers to talk about potential job opportunities for graduates. We were invited."
Andy smiled and congratulated her, but Greg's hand was in the air and April turned to high-five him.
"That's awesome babe," he said after pulling her into a hug. "When are we leaving?"
"Oh, you don't have to go," she explained. "It'll be easier if it's just us, and don't you have that stupid weekend thing with the guy from Kerston's?"
That was probably one of the more adult things April had ever said to him. Andy had tried the whole Johnny Karate thing, but found that he couldn't do solely that and keep their lives together with some all right cash here and there. So, begrudgingly, he accepted a job offer from that super cool British guy he and Ben had met, Lord Fancypants or whatever. He even let Andy have the opportunity to be one of the Midwest representatives for his charity branch, something Andy found he really liked without the massive distance between him and April. And he had been trying to nail Kernston for months – for whatever reason the nipple kingdom wasn't all too willing to put their name brand seal on a charitable foundation. Somehow he had finally convinced the CFO to go on a work retreat full of golf and weird resorts where Andy could try and schmooze a few extra zeroes out of the company. It took him a second to realize that was the most adult thing he'd ever done let alone thought, but shook it out of his head when April snapped her fingers in front of his face to get his attention.
"I guess," he said slowly.
"It's a weekend, Andy," Greg said cheerfully, smacking Andy's knee playfully. "You can let April off the leash for a few days, right?"
"Yeah, it'll be fine," April said, challenging Andy to say anything. There wasn't much he was going to be able to say anyways – there wasn't any leash.
Andy nodded and left early, letting the two of them get back to planning their weekend. He gave April a brief peck on the cheek and turned around, feeling a strange weight in the back of his head. It was familiar but that feeling hadn't even bothered to show its face for years, and that was focused on someone else entirely. He hated that feeling and wanted to pretend like it wasn't even there, and that might have been a better play than before when he let it consume him but Andy had more at stake this time. As much as Greg was this perfect, super nice guy Andy never thought that the thing he'd feel towards him was jealousy.
"Hey Leslie, it's me, uh, Andy. You know that though, I'm probably in your contacts. Listen, I need to ask you some stuff," Andy said, failing to figure out how to end his message. "It's about April. I understand if you're busy, or whatever. Thanks."
The moment Andy pressed 'end' there was a bright chirping and Leslie's face popped up on his screen. He didn't understand how she had time to listen to the message but smiled to himself and answered anyways. Leslie was so cool.
"Hey, Leslie?" Andy asked, a little shaky.
"Good day to call Andy," Leslie sounded exhausted on the other end and he felt bad for calling her out of the blue like this. "But I can cut out early. Meet me at JJ's in an hour."
"Sure," he answered. "Hey, thanks Leslie."
"No problem," and she hung up.
Leslie really was one of the best people Andy knew. He'd be lying if he hadn't discussed things with April who was fully against it at first but had started to warm up to the idea before Ben stepped in and ruined it for the three of them. But Andy liked Ben a lot and he seemed to make Leslie happy so he didn't really care that much. Suddenly reinvigorated, Andy walked down the street to JJ's to get an early start shoveling the all-day breakfast specials into his mouth. Leslie never let him pay for anything even when he never tried to. After he had gotten through the first plate, Leslie found her way to his table. Bags were forming under her eyes but they still had the same excited, ready and willing stare that never dropped. Her hair was a mess and she was lugging around a pile of binders that made Andy's shoulders hurt just looking at them.
"Okay," she sighed after finding her place sitting down. "I've got ten more minutes, then I have to be back from lunch."
"Cool… uh," Andy drifted, not sure how to broach the subject. Chewing a sausage, he started, "Um, how did you deal with Ben and that Washington campaign lady being so buddy buddy and working together and all that crap."
"I didn't have anything to deal with in Jen," she explained, shrugging. "They worked together, but I knew that Ben didn't really like her as a person. She just offered him a really good job, and so I had to support him."
"What if Ben actually liked her a lot, and always talked to you about her?" Andy asked, feeling queasy and putting his fork down. "Like, what do you do about that?"
"Sorry, what does this have to do with April?" Leslie had been rubbing at her eyes tiredly, but stopped and asked in a confused voice.
"Well this guy, Greg-"
"Oh, Greg!" she interrupted excitedly. "Greg's such a great guy. I met him when we did a survey of possible Wamapoke parks and he single handedly wrangled all of the raccoons out of one just down the street, he's so awesome. What about him?"
Andy groaned and put his head in his hands. This wasn't going as well as he was hoping.
"Leslie," he complained, "he is so awesome. April thinks so too…"
He quieted, picking at his food and dripping syrup over his somehow freshly ironed shirt – Leslie figured he just bought new ones constantly but had caught him ironing at a laundry mat one day, at which she couldn't help but cry – and Andy wanted Greg to just be super nice and not care about animals. That way April would hate him and he could stop feeling like shit about this. Leslie cocked her head, mouth slightly open and half-starting sentences before finally figuring out what she had been trying to say the whole time.
"Do you – you think… hm, you think April's cheating on you?" Leslie asked, ignoring the waffles that were laid in front of her despite that delicious aroma and mountain of cream. "Andy, are you serious?"
"I don't think she's cheating on me," Andy admitted, pushing his food away and towards Leslie.
"So what's the big deal with Greg?" she wondered, chewing through a waffle and picking up a leftover strip of bacon Andy had left behind.
"I think… well, I dunno," Andy shook his head and looked down to the floor. "I think April wants to leave me."
There was a short choking sound followed by a cough and when Andy looked up Leslie was patting her chest and trying to hold back a stream of rough coughs. Her eyes took on the quickly calculating glaze as she looked back and forth between something in front of her as if checking boxes and scratching off others. Andy tried doing that once but figured it was dumb because all he ended up doing was moving his eyes between April's boobs and he got super preoccupied after that. Crossing his arms uncomfortably he waited for Leslie to say something.
"It doesn't make sense, Andy," finally breaking the silence, Leslie shook her head. "You two are some of the strangest people I've ever met, and this is Pawnee, but you guys are like glue. I've never seen one of you mad at the other for more than a day or two. Why would you think that'd just stop?"
"Well, we've been doing all this really important, grown-up stuff lately," Andy scratched his head and continued. "She always hated all that, and she's been really weird the last couple days when she gets home. I think she's bored."
"She's worn-out from planning a work weekend while actually working and volunteering, Andy. Let me tell you from experience, April's not bored – she's tired," Leslie smiled, hoping her hit landed.
"Yeah, tired of me," Andy sulked, feeling no different from her words. Leslie probably knew what she was talking about, she usually did, but it still wasn't helping him at all.
"Okay then let me ask you this," Leslie said, straightening up and looking him straight in the eye," when April and Ben were in Washington did you feel like this?"
Andy laughed immediately. Now that was just crazy. April and Ben? That was probably one of the dumbest things he'd ever heard. He voiced his opinion, making sure to throw in a part about Ben being awesome.
"April's so awesome but she's super weird sometimes," Andy started, not really sure what he was even trying to get across. "And I love that, y'know, but she always acts like she really doesn't care about stuff. Last couple of days I feel like she doesn't care about me anymore."
"Andy, just because April has a friend doesn't mean she wants to sleep with him," Leslie tried to calm him down, putting her hand on his and giving him a gentle squeeze.
"Right, feminism." Andy nodded seriously.
"Right…" she said slowly.
"I'm still confused," Andy admitted, shaking his head and rubbing his face. "Leslie, what am I supposed to do?"
"Andy, you're a giant child and with that comes the immaturity, thoughtlessness, and laziness of one," Leslie rambled off, and Andy wasn't sure if this was supposed to make him feel better. "But, you're also one of the sweetest people in the world, you'd do anything for those you love, and you're loyal almost to a fault. April knows that. That's why she loves you, and I don't think she's going to just throw that away because Greg likes possums more than you."
Andy couldn't help but return her smile. Still, something was unsettling him.
"You always know what to say, Leslie," he said. "But I still can't shake it, y'know? It's kind of annoying and shitty."
Leslie nodded knowingly and bit her lip in concentration. Andy pulled a piece of drying toast from his abandoned plate and ate it slowly, considering everything she had said. In reality, it didn't make a whole lot of sense but he felt like April had just a year earlier when she had a minor breakdown over their relationship. He had been the one to tell her how stupid it was to have any insecurity about them and here Andy was going through the same motions.
"Okay Andy, let's do a hypothetical," Leslie said but hastily followed up when Andy looked uncertain of what she meant. "I'm going to say something that isn't necessarily going to happen, and then I'm going to ask you a really serious question. I want you to answer honestly too. Got it?"
"Yes, ma'am," Andy answered, standing up a bit straighter but still slouching. "Hit me."
"All right, let me ask you if," she stressed that last 'if' loudly and raised her hands defensively, "if April is unhappy with your marriage what you think should happen?"
Leslie prepared herself for the worst. She loved Andy like an underdeveloped brother, and he was really just a big child stumbling his way through adulthood. What made her care about him so much was that he never hid that fact, because if she was being truthful Leslie was convinced everyone on the planet was just a scared little kid trying to figure out what the hell to do themselves. He had that honesty, at least. Instead of slumping and looking completely re-beaten and defeating all of their previous talk, Andy looked like he was giving the hypothetical serious consideration.
"So, if she's super sad about us," Andy was trying to remain calm while saying the sentence, "and she wants to leave, she'll be happier with Greg?"
"Sure, why not," Leslie acquiesced. No part of her believed that April would be able to stand that font of excitement for more than ten seconds at a time. Still, Andy had fixated on one thing and she was going to run with it.
"Then…" he bit down on the same piece of toast from earlier and chewed it thoughtfully, "she should be with him and not me. I mean, if she's happy I'm happy."
Leslie felt her face break into a smile instinctively as she looked into Andy's eyes and saw nothing but a sad honesty in him. Years ago, had he been asked the same thing about Ann Leslie was sure Andy would have nothing good to say on the subject, but things had definitely changed. She quickly glanced to her watch, realized the time, and stood up. He did the same, awkwardly looking around and unsure of what was happening.
"April would have to be crazy to leave you," she grinned, holding her arms out and accepting Andy's usual crushing hug.
"Thanks Leslie," he said after letting her go. "Sorry, I got a little carried away."
"No it's fine," she coughed out, blinking away tears. "Listen, I've got a plan for you: just sit tight, go to your charity work retreat, and when April gets back just talk to her. Honesty is important, and April appreciates how, well, honest you can be."
"Yeah, we're super good at talking," Andy chuckled, "mostly because we have a lot of sex after that."
"All right, didn't need to know that," Leslie raised her hand and turned to walk away. "Good luck Andy!"
Andy nodded to himself after she had left. The hypocritical or whatever made him feel a little better about everything, and he would talk with her about it. Having been through a few weird times in their relationship where neither of them spoke to the other it had become second nature to talk about whatever might be bothering either of them. This time Andy had hesitated and he wanted to smack himself for doing it.
Andy couldn't have been happier to return to his house. He had walked away with twenty thousand dollars in the name of Andy's pet project, but golf was seriously one of the most boring things he'd ever had to endure. Even if Jimmy, the CFO, was a pretty cool guy and only got weird and business-y when they sat down at the end of the day to talk terms Andy had grown tired of him after only a couple afternoons. On his way home he had picked Champion up from Leslie and the kids and he was sitting impatiently in the passenger seat – whenever someone need to watch him, Champion always ended up with Leslie and Ben. The kids loved him and he had known them since they were barely born, and it definitely helped that Ben secretly liked Champion a whole lot more than he let on.
Walking Champion inside, Andy saw April asleep on the couch and snoring loudly. Letting his grip go slack slightly, the dog limped over to her and started licking her face excitedly. After a few seconds of squinting and eventual sneezing from one tongue too many in her nostrils, April shot up with a bewildered look on her face.
"Good afternoon honey," Andy mumbled. "Didn't know you were gonna be back before me."
"Yeah, we did the speech crap and walked around campus for a day or two," she yawned and stretched awkwardly, "but I needed to get away from Greg."
"Really?" Andy asked, figuring this was his chance to go down this road without too much friction. "I thought you liked him?"
"He was fine when he talked about animals," April shrugged. "Then he never stopped talking… and talking so loudly. And then he wanted to go hiking and I was seriously considering shoving one of his stupid boots down his throat."
"Well Champ was still at Leslie's so I figured you'd still be away," he explained, scratching the dog's ears before Champion bound up onto April's lap and stretched out as best he could.
"Oh God," she closed her eyes and rubbed her temples, "I forgot about Champion. Sorry, babe it was just a nightmare getting rid of Greg."
Andy sat down next to her on the couch and gave her a short kiss on the lips, only lingering because stopping wasn't ever Andy's strong suit.
"I'm sorry, because I've been an idiot," he explained when her eyebrows mashed together and she looked at him with a puzzled expression. "I thought you… I thought you were going on this trip with Greg because you were bored of me and wanted to be with him, and I-"
He was going to continue but April had started laughing uncontrollably, loudly overpowering his thoughts. She slapped him on the arm, still bowled over from laughter and took another few seconds of comical shaking before she had quieted down.
"Oh, you're serious," she said, wiping away tears that had come out from the clearly hilarious thing Andy had said. "Babe, are you serious?"
"I just thought you were mad at me for making you do real people stuff and," Andy was realizing the craziness in his words as they spilled out, "and I thought you were getting bored or something."
"Andy," April grabbed the sides of his face and kept eye contact all the while talking, "that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard you say. Now, you're going to go to the bedroom and get all the pillows and a blanket. We're going to make a fort on the couch, and then we're gonna have sex in that fort."
"Okay," he said stupidly. Getting up from the couch he nearly tripped over his own feet in a scramble to the bedroom where he scooped up everything that looked remotely like a pillow in his arms. He only wanted to get the stupid blanket out of his face because he was pretty sure he saw April's fancy suit on the floor. Every single thought of her leaving him was tossed out into the open air as he desperately fought with the thick cover obscuring most of his vision.