Somewhere I Belong - Linkin Park
Everyone goes through some kind of hardship at some point in their life. The scale of those hardships may vary in magnitude but nonetheless, it IS something that everyone experiences. Some people adapt successfully to the changes that come as a result and some people fall through the cracks. There is no in between – for me at least. I learned from a young age to adapt and survive.
I know a little bit of how I was born. It was October 1st 1989 and my mother was at work at the local Mini-Mart stocking shelves when she suddenly went into labour. I heard snippets growing up between my mom and my dad. They tried to be discreet but when you grow up being mostly ignored, it's easy to fly under the radar. Apparently, the day I was born, my mother wasn't pregnant at all and seconds before she gave birth, she had a nine-month belly. I was a miracle baby since she wasn't able to get pregnant before me.
I assume they both loved me at the beginning, despite the strange phenomenon surrounding my birth, but as I grew older that love turned to resentment and fear. I didn't know that of course, I was only a child after all. It even took me awhile to realize what I was able to do but I once I did...
It started off small. I was about three years old when the first episode happened. I was playing dolls in the living room with my dad and I thought about how fun it would be if I had a dog to play with instead. I looked my dad in the eye and told him as much. My dad jumped up when a dog appeared out of nowhere and started running around. The dog disappeared after about ten seconds but my dad was beside himself for days. He didn't like being alone with me after that.
The second episode that I remember (because I'm sure there were others before this), was two years later. I was in bed and tossing and turning because of a nightmare. It wasn't completely awful but enough to scare any kid. I think there were spiders crawling all over me. I must have been making a lot of noise because my mom came into my room to sooth me. I woke up with a start and looked directly in her eyes and the next thing I know, she's screaming 'get them off! get them off!'
These episodes were happening more and more and my parents pulled away from me a little more each time it happened, until I was pretty much ignored outside of basic needs. No child would understand why their parents no longer played with them, ate with them, read stories to them, or even loved them. Me included. So, when I was nine years old, I threw the largest tantrum I've ever thrown.
It was in that moment when I realized what I could really do because I had both my parents witness their worst nightmares for longer than anyone should have too. Their fear of me grew exponentially then and I should have seen their next act coming but I was nine.
They started packing after that. They put everything in boxes and said that we were moving. On moving day, my parents said they wanted to take me for ice cream before we moved to our new house in a new city. I was so excited that I ran to the car and hopped in the back before they even took a step. They'd never taken me for ice cream before and I thought it was a new start to our new life.
We pulled up next to a curb across from a park and they turned to look at me, "Malia, the ice cream shop is a couple blocks down, why don't you go play at the park and we'll bring it back for you."
I went to open the door but hesitated as I saw all the kids playing at the park, "Will one of you stay with me?"
"We can't. One of us won't be able to carry all three ice cream cones and drive all on our own. We only have two hands after all." My mother said softly, "We'll only be a couple minutes."
"You promise?" I asked, trying to make eye contact but neither of them would.
"We promise." My dad said.
I got out of the car and turned to them, "Can I have a strawberry scoop with extra sprinkles? The colourful ones, not the plain boring brown ones."
"We'll do our best." My dad answered, leaning over my mom to speak to me through the passenger window.
My mom looked at me with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, "Just, take care of yourself okay?"
"Of course, Mommy. Always."
I stepped back as I watched them drive off and then turned to the park to wait. There was an empty swing so I decided to swing on that while I waited. I waited for a while. I watched as the park emptied around and the sun started to set. I must have sat there for hours before I understood that my parents weren't coming back for me.
I tried to find my way home eventually and it took a long time but when I got there, it was completely empty. Everything was gone. I walked down street after street, not knowing what to do or where to go. I slept in an alley that night and many nights after. I didn't sleep in the same alley more than once for a while until eventually I found an alley downtown that had a low fire escape that I could use for cover. I, over time, used boxes and old sheets that I've found, to build around it and made my own little home.
I've been there for two years. I spent my nights in my little cardboard shelter and my days wandering the city, sometimes bringing back little knick-knacks that I would find to make it more of a home. Living on the streets was difficult but it's where I learned to hone my powers and use them to my advantage, which made things just a little bit easier. Getting the things I needed wasn't hard if I used my abilities.
I was eleven when I used my abilities for the last time to gain something to eat. I was walking down the street with a grumbling tummy when I saw a new hotdog vendor at a corner. The smell was lovely and I always loved hotdogs so I went up to him.
"Hi sir." I said softly as I went up to him.
He took one look at me and rolled his eyes in annoyance and disgust. I only know this because it's a look I became used too. My brown hair was long but it was also tangled, matted, and filthy. I wash myself at the splashpad at night sometimes but there is only so much water can do without soap. My t-shirt was baggy, grey, and had a few holes and my pants were much too short, stopping just above my ankles. I had on shoes but one was a black dress shoe and the other a purple running shoe. It was hard to find a decent matching pair in the trash.
"What do you want kid?" He asked, though I could tell he really didn't care.
"I'm just really hungry and was wondering if you could spare a hotdog or maybe even just a bun?" I asked, staring up at him with my hazel eyes.
"Get lost kid. I don't give handouts and you're scaring my customers away." He said and was about to turn away.
"Wait!" I said quickly and caught his gaze once again, "tell me what your dream is." I demanded and my eyes flashed a crystal blue before settling back to their original hazel colour.
He stared off into space with a dreamy look in his eyes as he spoke of what he really wished for. He was a balding, portly man who was apparently single and pined after a woman he knows or knew once, I'm not quite sure. I listened to him speak as I slipped past and grabbed a toasted bun and placed a hotdog on it. I went over to the condiments and added ketchup and mayo before turning back to the man.
"...She's so beautiful and kind. We would have the most beautiful children, live in a beautiful house and want for nothing because my hotdog franchise will be doing well with a cart at every major intersection in the city." He finished.
"Sounds like a lovely dream." I couldn't help but say and then took a bite of my food.
Speaking seemed to snap him out of his daydream and he shook his head before looking at down at me. He frowned in confusion before he became angry, "How did you...Thief! Thief!"
I backed away quickly as he came at me before turning and running down the street, hotdog clutched tightly in my hand. I knew he wasn't chasing after me but I'm sure someone was. I wasn't going to look back and find out for sure though. I zig-zagged through the street, making sure I confused and, hopefully, lost any pursuers, if there were any.
Once I rounded another corner, I slowed to a walk and took a deep breath before eating my hotdog. My best bet was to go back home and lay low for a couple hours before going around the city again. I'd have to avoid that corner for the time being as well but I was fine with that. There is food everywhere.
I finished my hotdog as I arrived back at the alley that contained my home base and snuggled into my pile of pillows. I picked up a book I had found in the trash a couple years ago and continued reading. It's called Catcher in the Rye. It was hard for me to read at first but after the third time I understood it a little better. With not much else to do, reading became my sanctum. I wasn't a very strong reader growing up but in the past two years, I read everything I could get my hands on and could now comfortably say that I could read and comprehend at a very high level. There was no going to school, so I had to teach myself.
Just as I finished the first page of my current chapter, I heard shuffling at the end of the alley. I sat up quickly, tossing my book aside and scooched as close to the wall as I could, hugging my knees. Some people came into the alley every now and then but most people knew to stay away. There had been rumours of a viscous dog that lived in this alley. Mainly because I made a vicious dog chase people away. So, when people came near, they usually left rather quickly when they realized which alley this was.
This person wasn't leaving though. In fact, they were getting closer. I slowed my breathing the best I could, despite being scared. I can't make a dog appear out of thin air, I have to make people believe that's what they saw and I can't do that without direct eye contact.
The sheet in front of me that hung off the fire escape above and acted as a door, rustled a bit before being moved aside and an old man with a greying goatee and just as greying mustache that curved at the ends, appeared before me. I was going to use my powers to chase him away but he was wearing rounded sunglasses and I couldn't see his eyes.
"Ah, there you are." He said in a posh sort of accent.
"What do you want? I have nothing." I shot at him, pushing myself closer to the wall.
"Now I don't think that's true at all. Considering what I just witnessed, I believe you have a lot of value."
"What do you mean? What did you see?" I asked in fear. Please tell me he didn't see me use my powers.
"You know very well what I saw. You have an exceptional power young lady and I would like to teach you how to use it."
I stayed where I was, hugging my knees even tighter, "I know how to use it. I don't need your help."
"My dear, you've only just scratched the surface. I believe you can be so much stronger. Maybe you could even use it against those who are wearing eye coverings perhaps?" At my silence, he continued, "That's why you haven't been able to hypnotize me yet isn't it?"
"How did you know that?"
"Call it a hunch." He said and then looked around at my 'home', "These are hardly proper accommodations for a young lady, wouldn't you agree?"
I shrugged and looked away, "I have nowhere else to go."
"What if I told you, there is a place not too far away from here with other children just like you?"
"Like an orphanage?"
"No. They are my children. Two girls and five boys. You would make an excellent addition to the team." He explained, "I train them on how to use their abilities to their full potential, just like I can train you. You would want for nothing."
Seven children just like me, a bed to sleep in, and proper meals. It was such an enticing offer and as an eleven-year-old girl who wanted a family, I couldn't pass it up. I crawled forward and stood up, the old man standing up in front of me.
"My name is Malia. What should I call you?"
"My name is Reginald Hargreeves. You may call me Mr. Hargreeves for now."
I nodded, "When do we go?"
"Right now. We can get you introduced to everyone and then get started on your training first thing tomorrow."
"I don't have a bag for any of my things." I said as I gestured to my knick-knacks and small collection of books.
The way he looked at it all, I'm sure he thought it was all junk, "You won't be needing any of that. You'll start fresh and be introduced to proper reading. Come along now." Despite what he said, I still grabbed Catcher in the Rye, hid it in the waistband of my pants.
He had a car about a block away and once inside, it was a relatively short drive to his home. It was a rather large house from the outside, set between other buildings on the busy street. One of which was a laundromat but that hardly matters. As we walked up the steps to the front doors, I noticed the frosted windows with an engraving in the shape of umbrellas.
"Welcome to the Umbrella Academy." Mr. Hargreeves said as he opened the door and stepped in.
I followed in after him and was amazed at the large foyer. There was a small round table in the center and a grand staircase right before me. There were larger rooms off to each side of the foyer as well. Even though the place looked large from the outside, it was still misleading on how large it actually was.
"Master Hargreeves, you've returned."
I looked to the side and stepped back in shock and a little fear. There was a monkey, he looked old, wearing a suit, glasses, and holding a cane. Even though that was odd, it was his perfect English that freaked me out the post.
"Who do we have here?" The monkey asked.
"Another child of exceptional ability." Mr. Hargreeves stated, not using my name at all.
"I'm Malia." I said quietly.
"You may call me Pogo."
"Where is Grace? I'll need her to clean the child up before introducing her to the others."
"It might be a little late for that I'm afraid." Pogo answered as he turned to look up at the second floor and followed his gaze.
Looking down over the railing were seven children my age. Two girls and five boys, just like Mr. Hargreeves told me. They all had varying looks of curiosity shrouding their faces and I looked down at the floor. I didn't really grow up with any friends and the aspect of social interaction had me feeling uncomfortable. A beautiful blonde woman then showed up behind them with a gentle smile and gazed down at me not with confusion, curiosity, or fear but with kindness and love. She didn't even know me.
"Children, come down here please."
They came down the stairs and stood in a row before us. The woman stood off to the side beside Pogo. From the way they were standing, I wondered if they did this often and if it was always in the same order. There was a tall blond boy, another boy with tan-ish skin and brown hair, a tall dark-skinned girl, a skinny lanky boy with kind eyes, another skinny boy with brown hair and a haughty air about him, an Asian boy, and a girl with brown hair and eyes that was slightly shorter than I was.
"Children, welcome the new addition to the team, Number Eight. She will need your guidance to help her catch up to your levels. Number Eight, meet numbers one through seven."
It didn't take a genius to understand that I was Number Eight, despite him never calling me that until this very moment. It also didn't take a genius to number each of them off on my own even though Mr. Hargreeves didn't point to each one. The blond boy was obviously Number One, Number Seven ending with the shy girl at the other end.
I looked up at Mr. Hargreeves, "My name is Malia...not Number Eight."
"If you're going to be a part of this team, you will be addressed like the rest of them." He said and then turned to the blonde woman, "Grace, make sure Number Eight gets cleaned up and ready for dinner. She can have the empty bedroom next to Number Three."
Mr. Hargreeves walked away and out of the room just as abruptly and I looked at all the children who seemed to relax some once the old man left. Pogo followed behind him at a slower gait but eventually left the room as well.
"Now that he's gone, allow us to introduce ourselves properly." said the boy who I assumed was Number Six, because he was sixth in the line, "I'm Ben."
The dark-skinned girl came over to me with a smile, "I'm Allison, the blond is Luther, then you have Diego, then Klaus, then Five – he was too stubborn to accept a real name, and the other girl is Vanya." She pointed to each of them as she said so.
"If you have real names, why doesn't Mr. Hargreeves use them?" I asked.
"We didn't get actual names until we were about four years old. That's when Mom came along and named us."
I looked around at everyone, including Grace who was still standing off to the side, "Where is your mom?"
"I'm their mother silly." Grace said, stepping forward with the same kind smile. There was something off about her.
"B-but you're so young!" I exclaimed.
"She's a robot." Klaus stated, "Created to raise us."
"How does that even work?" I asked him and then looked around at the others before turning to Grace, "I've read a lot about robots and surely a robot lacks the typical motherly instincts that are needed to raise children."
"Don't insult our mother." Diego snapped, crossing his arms, "She's a great mom. Clearly better than yours ever was."
There was the look. The one I was used to seeing from most everyone I had an interaction with. The outright disgust, loathing, and annoyance at my appearance. I took a step back at the blatant rejection from this guy.
"Diego, be nice." Allison said harshly.
"W-whatever." He scoffed and we all watched as he left the room.
"So, Malia, where did Mr. Hargreeves find you?" Five asked stepping forward.
"There will be time for questions later. Malia is going to come with me to get properly cleaned up before dinner." Grace announced and then wrapped an arm around my shoulder to direct me toward the staircase.
I flinched a little at her touch, not used to being so close to another person but let her guide me. I may not be used to it but it was still comforting. I hadn't been hugged in many, many years. I followed her to the bathroom and she started to fill the bathtub. She asked me to get undressed and said she would be right back.
She came back with a bundle of clothes that looked to be the same uniform the other kids were wearing and set them on the counter. She said she borrowed a set from Vanya since we were closest in size and that Mr. Hargreeves would be getting me my own uniforms by the end of the week, along with other articles of clothing and necessities that I may need.
I got in the hot water and let out a hiss at how good it felt. I knew how to wash myself but Grace insisted that she do it and I let her. I let her because it's been a long time since someone else cared for me and I craved it so much. Diego was right, she was much more caring than my own mother was.
Once I was out and dressed, Grace put a single braid down the back because there was not enough time to do much else with it before dinner. It felt weird, being in new clean clothes that actually fit, with matching shoes. It was a good weird though. Something I could definitely get used too.
I was brought to my room after I was ready. Grace wanted to show me where I would be sleeping before bringing me on a tour of the house. It was a plain room with white walls and a single bed. The bed wasn't made yet but Grace said she would do that while I was eating dinner. There was a chestnut dresser with attached mirror on the wall opposite the bed and under the window was a desk made of the same wood. It was simple but it was nice and I loved it.
I sat down on the edge of the bed to test it out a little bit and decided I couldn't wait to go to bed that night. The thought of sleeping in an actual bed was exciting. I kept that thought to myself, though I think Grace might be aware what was going through my mind.
"How about a tour around the house now?" Grace suggested just as Klaus was walking by.
He poked his head through the doorway, "I can take her around Mom."
"That would be lovely Klaus." Grace said with a smile as she left the room.
"Ready for the grand tour?" Klaus asked with a bit of excitement.
I smiled and nodded as I followed him out of my room, "Yeah. Hopefully it's not too complicated to remember."
"It's not." He said with a wave of his hand and then stopped abruptly, "Then again, I lived here my whole life so maybe it is?" He shook his head, "Doesn't matter. Follow the leader!"
I couldn't help but giggle at his behaviour. He seemed the out-going type despite being subdued around his father earlier. His personality was poking through now and I couldn't help but think we were going to get along great.
He pointed out everyone's bedrooms as we walked and then brought me to the kitchen, the living room, the library, the den, the sitting room, the roof top garden/green house, and then courtyard in the back. He brought me everywhere else he could think of before we ended back in the foyer. He had a lot to say about certain places and nothing to say about others. At one point we stopped outside of Mr. Hargreeves study and he told me that under no circumstances was anyone but Mr. Hargreeves allowed in there but that if I was willing to try, to let him watch.
"Children, it's time for dinner." Grace said when she found us in the living room.
Klaus was lounging on the sofa while I looked around. I would point at or pick up random things and he would tell me about them. I think he was making some of his stories up but he had an answer for all my questions nonetheless.
We followed Grace to the dining room to see all the others already seated. Klaus took his seat between Ben and Allison. On the other side was Five, Diego, and Luther. Vanya was at one end and Mr. Hargreeves was at the other. There were two more open spots but only one of them had a place setting so I took my seat beside Luther. When dinner was served, I dug in silently since everyone else was silent too.
"Permission to speak sir?" Luther asked.
"You know the rules Number One, no speaking during meal times." Mr. Hargreeves admonished.
"I know sir. I just thought since we have a new member to the team, there could be an exception this once." Luther explained.
Mr. Hargreeves looked up from his meal and to all the children. It seems they all want to put their curiosity to rest so he conceded, "Just for tonight, we can make an exception for the rule. Tomorrow, everything is as normal."
"Great! So! Number Eight, where did dad find you?" Five asked his earlier question again.
"In an alleey a little ways away. I've been living there for a while."
"Why were you living in an ally?" Ben asked.
"When my parents became too fearful of my power, they abandoned me at a park. I eventually found this alley and made it my home."
"What is your power exactly?" Allison asked curiously.
I bit my lip and looked around. Everyone was listening with rapt attention, "I can make people see things. Usually their deepest dream or worst nightmare but sometimes I can make them see other things if I want too."
"Sounds lame." Diego muttered.
"Oh yeah, and what can you do then?" I snapped.
"I can manipulate anything I throw." Diego said proudly
"What if you have nothing to throw then hmm? Sounds useless to me. At least my power has no such limitations." I said smugly, sick of his snide comments.
Diego breathed heavily through his nose, "Y-y-y-y-y"
"What? Cat got your tongue?" I taunted, forgetting myself for a moment.
"N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n." He slammed his fists on the table angrily.
"Enough!" Mr. Hargreeves said loudly and sternly, "Not another word will be spoken for the rest of this meal."
I glanced down the table to Diego and couldn't help the smug smile that crossed my lips at the fists he was making on top of the table. He was gripping so tight his knuckles were turning white. Serves him right. Everyone else seems nice, so why is he being so mean to me? Clearly, me and him are going to have some major problems.
I wasn't wrong. As we grew older, Diego and I always butted heads. I fought with the others too but just as any other siblings would. Diego was different. He just continued to get under my skin and I his. There was no love lost between us because I just couldn't connect with him the same way I connected with the others.
Since I came to live with the Hargreeves, I became just as well trained in hand to hand combat like the others and my abilities got stronger too. I often found myself competing with Diego the most, especially on missions. Sometimes our competitiveness even got in the way, not that either of us would ever admit it.
Through the years I learned just how cold Mr. Hargreeves was and was thankful for my 'siblings', for Grace, and for Pogo because they allowed me to feel the love I craved as a child. Since I was able to experience the love of a family, I decided there were other things I wanted to experience as well.
Mr. Hargreeves was harsh in his methods but he made me strong and confident in most of my abilities and made sure I was well educated and for that, I will forever be grateful, but I still wanted something different for myself. He wanted a crime fighting team – a team of superheroes – and it was fun at first but I grew up. We all grew up actually and we all decided to do our own thing. The idea was planted after Five left but it was set in stone after Ben died. So, we all slowly started to leave.
When I left, I stayed in the city but went to college. I became a psychologist. I whipped through my studies and got my PhD at 26 and opened my own private practice at 27. Having connections and special abilities definitely helped with the process but I still did it and I was proud of myself for it. I work primarily with children because I didn't want children to go through similar hardships as me with no one to back them up and help them. In a way, I still felt like a superhero but with more purpose.
I lived in a little apartment that was above my practice and it was perfect and homey. It was actually a block away from the alley I used to live in. Call me sentimental but I couldn't help it.
Life was good.