I wanted to tell you I'd changed
All perfect nights must eventually come to an end. For Meredith, this end came too soon. She rolled over in the now empty bed with a soft groan. Sitting up in the bed, she realised she was now alone in the small apartment. Strange. She grabbed her phone off the table next to her, only now noticing a post-it stuck to her phone case. Got called in early, see you later. – Derek. Well, that explained that, she guessed.
Looking back at her phone, she had a couple missed calls and two messages from Maggie. Scanning them quickly, none were urgent enough for her to move any faster out of the bed. She lay back against the pillows a moment, closing her eyes as she thought back on the previous night.
Her phone buzzed in her hand, startling her from the daydream. Maggie again. Please confirm you're still alive? Meredith laughed softly at her sister's slight overreaction. She replied to her sister, calming her fears. I'm alive, just woke up. Will be at the hospital soon. Looking over at the clock at the side of the bed, Meredith suddenly realised. It's midday. She might not be a morning person, but even sleeping till midday was too late for her.
And she wasn't even in her own bed. Again.
With a sigh, she climbed out of the bed and scanned the area around her. On the couch, she saw he'd gathered her clothes into a nest pile for her from the night before. Next to the pile sat a towel, presumably left for her by Derek. She grabbed the towel and made her way to the bathroom, stripping herself of his college T-shirt, and stepped into the warm shower.
He hated that he had to leave her like that. That's not how he expected their morning to go. But when the Chief of Surgery calls you in to the hospital, you go to the hospital. He places down his surgical instruments, ready to close, when he looked up in the gallery to find her watching him, making him smile behind his mask.
"Edwards, you good to close?" he asked her, he didn't need to stay with Kepner still operating. Edwards nodded and he let her take over as he went to go scrub out. Just as he finished drying his hands, she appeared beside him.
"I almost specialised in Neuro," she mused, stood next to him, her attention turned from the operating room to him, "I brought the key you left, I'm just about to go check in on Ellis."
His hand moved to her lower back as the left the scrub room, "that's okay, I'll get it from you later, go be with your Mom," he smiled down at her as they approached the elevator, "I have a few more patients to check on."
They stayed in a comfortable silence as they waited for the elevator and then stepped on, stood close beside one another. His arm snaked around her waist as the door closed in front of them and she leaned into his side, resting her head on his shoulder.
"Seattle has ferry boats," he said, almost a question in his voice.
"Yes," he looked up toward him with a raised eyebrow.
"I didn't know that. I've been living here for about two weeks; I didn't know there were ferry boats."
"Seattle is surrounded by water on three sides," she laughed softly.
"Hence the ferry boats, now I have to like it here, wasn't planning on liking it here. I'm from New York, I'm genetically engineered to dislike everywhere except Manhattan. I have a thing for ferry boats," he laughed with her as she looked up at him. His arm dropped as the elevator stopped and the doors opened to the surgical recovery floor where she would find her mother, "see you later." She nodded and stepped out the elevator, giving him one last look as the doors closed again.
Walking down the hallway towards Ellis' room, she crossed her arms over her midsection. Spotting Bailey up ahead at the nurses' station, she approached her with a small smile, "How's she doing?"
"Recovering well, I think she's up right now if you wanna go in," Bailey looked at her, eyebrow furrowed slightly, "she should be able to go back to the nursing home tomorrow," she rested a hand on her shoulder with a gentle squeeze.
"Okay, I'm okay, Bailey, thank you," she smiled at her former teacher, letting her arms drop and she took a deep breath. She walked into the room, "Hey, Mom," she smiled softly, not even sure the woman recognised her.
Spending time with Ellis was getting harder, and harder. She spent about twenty minutes with her, before excusing herself, not that her mother seemed to mind. She headed down the hallway and for the first time in a long time, she didn't want to be there right now. She went to her office to grab her bag and keys, ready to get herself home. As she walked past Derek's office, she paused for a moment, remembering his key that she had. Looking through the small window in the door, she saw him sat at his desk. His head jerked up as she knocked gently on the glass, grinning as he saw her, and waved her in.
She smiled slightly as she opened the door and walked in the room, closing the door behind her, "Hey, I was about to head out, I've still got your key, thought you might want to get back in your place after work," she laughed softly, holding the key up.
He laughed softly and stood up from his desk, walking towards her. She met him halfway, holding the key out to him in her palm. He took her hand, closing it around the key, "Keep it. It's a spare, really."
She paused a moment in hesitation, thinking, her eyes on his hand holding hers, "I mean, if you're sure, I can hold on to it."
"Yes, I'm sure," he assured her, leaning to give her a gentle kiss on the cheek, "Everything okay?"
"Yeah, I just need to get home, things to do, errands to run, you know," she laughed softly, pulling her hand back from him and putting the key back in her pocket, "You have got to stop looking at me like that."
"Like what?" he laughed softly.
"Like you've seen me naked," she gave him a pointed look.
"Can I call you later?" he asked as she headed back toward the door.
"Yeah, I'd like that," she smiled softly toward him before leaving his office.
No more than an hour later she made it back to the house she shared with Maggie, her childhood home. She heard Maggie before she saw her, coming from the kitchen, "Mer, is that you?"
"Yeah," she responded, closing the door behind her and heading into the kitchen, following the smell of lasagne, "What are you up to?" She grinned at her sister; she knew exactly what she was doing. Lasagne was their comfort food.
Maggie laughed as she took the lasagne out of the oven, "it feels like a lasagne kind of day!" She sat the lasagne on the table and grabbed two glasses from the cupboard.
Meredith sat at the table, watching her sister, "Is this the part where you want me to talk about feelings? Because we can talk about your feelings if you need to."
Maggie laughed and filled the glasses with orange juice, grabbing two forks as she went to sit opposite her sister, "I just wanted to spend some time with you, Mer, seeing Ellis, talking to her was just so surreal. I didn't think I'd get that."
Meredith picked up a fork and took a small portion of the lasagne, blowing on it gently before putting it in her mouth, "Are you okay?"
Maggie took a bite herself and nodded, "Yeah, I think. I just didn't think it would ever happen; you know?"
She responded with a nod, taking a couple more bites of lasagne as she thought, "it's just so random, I remember the first time it happened, during my intern year. It didn't go all that well, I guess. This time was different, though. I mean, we actually had a conversation about me. I guess it helps that I'm not dating a vet this time round," Meredith laughed wistfully at the memory.
Maggie almost choked on her lasagne, "You dated a vet?! Like, a veterinarian?"
Meredith looked up, just realising what she'd said, "I mean, yeah, I'm surprised Karev never said anything before now. Cristina used to call him McVet," she laughed softly.
"I didn't even think you dated during your residency," Maggie raised her eyebrows at her sister, "Speaking of dating…"
"I was waiting for you to bring this up," she laughed at Maggie's suggestion, "Yes, I might be dating Dr. Shepherd, I say might because we haven't properly talked about it. Last night may have been more about de-stressing… but he was honest with me."
"Honest about what?" Maggie questioned.
Crap, she may have said too much. But it is Maggie, and he never said it was a secret, "He's technically married…"
"Meredith!"
"No, Maggie, I mean, he's separated, they're separated, he cheated on her, with his best friend," Meredith took a final bite of lasagne before putting her fork down, "Let's maybe not tell anymore people about this," she said with a laugh.
"That's, wow, yeah, okay," Maggie nodded, putting her fork down, "So, when are you seeing him again, I mean, other than work?"
Meredith laughed softly, finishing off the juice in front of her, "I don't know, he said he might call later on," as she said this, she picked her phone up off the table, quickly checking it.
Maggie laughed at her sister's actions, "You've got it, bad."
"I do not," Meredith knew she wasn't fooling anyone, especially Maggie, "Okay, maybe a little bit," she covered her face with her hand and sighed, leaning back in her chair, "Crap, I've got it bad. I don't know how to do this! McVet was the last serious relationship I was ever in. God, I'm going to screw this up."
"Hey, no you're not, just be honest with him like he'd been with you, and I'm sure this will all work itself out, okay?" Her sister stood and picked up the half-empty lasagne dish, taking it over to the kitchen counter, "Maybe he's the one," she commented, covering the lasagne dish.
Meredith stood and started to make her way to the laundry room, "Maybe."
03:00. Derek stared at the clock. This was a slow night. A quiet night. These kinds of nights were rare. He'd called Meredith around 10pm, but it was clear she was about ready to drop off to sleep, so he stayed on the phone with her as she fell asleep. He should probably be using this quiet time to catch up on sleep for himself. He sighed as he stood up from the desk in his office and started making his way to the nearest on-call room.
He lay on his back on the bed, focusing on his breathing to try and help him fall asleep. He couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was about to happen. Normally, he was right about these feelings but, as he does every time he gets that feeling, he waits for it to pass.
He felt like he'd only had his eyes closed for five minutes when his pager started going off. Eyes snapping open he checked the message. 911, 2201. Wait, wasn't that Ellis Grey's room? Before he knew it, he was on his feet, running to room 2201.
"Dr, Shepherd," he was met with one of Bailey's residents, "Bailey told me to page you, she's on her way in, but it's Dr. Grey, Ellis Grey. She coded; she didn't make it. Pulmonary embolism."
Meredith groaned; her eyes blurred slightly as she looked over at the digital alarm. 04:30. Why was her phone going off so much? She reached for it just as she heard Maggie come into her room.
"Meredith? We need to go, it's Ellis."
Well, that explains the dream she'd just been pulled from.
Just keep going. Don't be a damn. You are, you are anything but ordinary, Meredith.
All of a sudden, her whole body was awake, and she climbed out of the bed, throwing her clothes on and heading down the stairs with Maggie. She almost felt numb to some extent.
"I'll drive," Maggie offered, grabbing her car keys. Meredith nodded and followed her out to the car. That was probably for the best.
After what felt like forever, they pulled in at the hospital. Meredith's phone started ringing, she glanced at it. Derek. She couldn't speak to him just now. She declined the call and put her phone on silent, slid it back in her pocket, and headed into the hospital with Maggie.
She approached the room, side by side with Maggie, and walked straight up to Bailey, she could feel his eyes on her, "My mother's dead, isn't she?"
"I'm sorry, Meredith, she's gone."
Whatever Bailey said next, she didn't hear it. A single tear fell down her cheek and she wiped it away before anyone could see it. Her gaze turned to her mother's now empty room and she bit her lip. She needed to move. She needed to go.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, feeling Maggie's hand on her arm, "Let's sort the paperwork and head home," Meredith nodded and placed her hand over her sister's. Bailey handed the paperwork over to Maggie, who in turn led Meredith to one of the conference rooms.
Maggie had gone to find Richard, sensing Meredith needed some time alone. She picked up the papers off the table ready to give to Bailey. She left the conference room and he was there, leaning against the wall, waiting for her. She stopped and crossed her arms with a soft sigh.
"Hey, is there anything I can do?" he said, looking at her with sad eyes.
Her gaze dropped to the floor, "It's okay, I think. I think it's okay."
"Meredith," he started as he watched her.
"I can't do this right now, I have to go," she looked up at him with pleading eyes. Before he could say anymore, she had turned around and walked off in the opposite direction to find Maggie and Dr. Bailey.
I wanted to tell you it'd be different this time.
Swans - Unkle Bob.