I didn't know that you had feelings too.
"Meredith?" she heard Cristina's voice through the phone.
She took a deep breath before speaking, "Hey, Cristina."
Yang instantly knew something was up, "Hey, what's up? Talk to me."
"My mother, she died, she's gone," Meredith's eyes watered as she spoke, but wouldn't let the tears fall, she couldn't.
"Oh, Mer, are you okay? Do you need me to come? Do you want to hide away here?" Meredith smiled sadly as her friend spoke, searching for a way to help her.
"No, no, it's okay, she was cremated, no funeral. She didn't want that," she explained, "I just needed to know you're still there, you know?"
She heard Cristina sigh softly, "I know, Meredith, I know. And I'm here, I'll always be here."
"Thank you, Cristina, I'll let you go, Maggie's made another lasagne," she laughed, "she's like Izzie but with pasta."
Cristina laughed with her at the memory, "Okay, call if you need me."
"I will," Meredith hung up the phone and made her way down to the kitchen, following the smell of Maggie's cooking down to the kitchen.
He didn't see her all week. He hadn't tried to call, or message. He wanted to give her space, that's what she wanted, right? He hadn't seen Maggie either, so at least he could safely assume she wasn't on her own. She'd talk to him when she was ready. At the same time, he didn't want her to think he'd completely forgotten about her.
He sat on the empty gurney in the quiet hallway internally debating with himself for around ten minutes before pulling his phone out. I'm still here if you need me. He hit send as a new page came through. Consult in the pit. He needed the distraction.
A week was long enough, she was going stir crazy in that house. Which is why she was stood in Richard's office. She needed to get back to work. Maggie had gone back to work today. That's what she needed. Once she had convinced him of this, she thanked him and left his office with promises of letting him know if she found she needed more time.
She headed off in the direction of the attendings lounge, looking for Bailey for an update on her patients. The room was empty, which normally indicated one thing, trauma in the pit. Quickly grabbing her white coat from her office on the way, she made her way down there. Stood on the elevator, she heard the ping on her phone of a new message and took a quick look at the screen. Not now, she thought for maybe the fiftieth time that week, every time she had seen his name in her contacts. She still didn't know what she was going to do about that situation. As she read the message, she involuntarily bit her bottom lip. She didn't deserve this, especially after she'd ignored him all week. She put her phone away and the elevator arrived at the pit.
She had one task: find Bailey. She didn't think it would be that hard, but the sea of people in front of her suggested otherwise. In an attempt to not get dragged onto any cases right now, she headed towards the admittance desk with tunnel vision. "Has anyone seen Dr Bailey?" she asked the nurses working there, they shook their heads. Meredith sighed in frustration, taking her phone out to try and contact Bailey herself.
He thought his eyes were deceiving him. She wouldn't have come back this early, right? He stood on the other end of the room from her, his gaze stuck on her for a moment until he heard his name being called from trauma room two. He made his way over, pulling the latex gloves on his hands, "Talk to me, Kepner."
"Tracy May, 36, fell down a flight of stairs and just now seized, lasted 90 seconds, no loss of consciousness in field reported," Derek nodded as April gave him the information, starting his exam on the now unconscious patient.
"Okay, order a head CT, looks like she may have a subdural haematoma, page me if anything changes," he left them to continue working on the patient's other injuries. As he walked back out into the pit, he noticed she no longer stood where he'd previously seen her. He sighed dejectedly. As much as he wanted to give her time, he didn't realise how much he'd miss being around her.
When his phone buzzed in his pocket, his heart skipped a beat. Without hesitation, he pulled the phone out to check it. He tried to hide the disappointment on his face, not really from anyone in particular, as he read the name on his phone. Mom. He really needed to call her. He'd do it later. For now, he had to work.
She met with Alex in cafeteria. He'd messaged her earlier, threatening to hunt her down himself if she didn't come and get lunch. She'd laughed at the notion but went along anyway. She'd missed her friend. "You know, Mer, you can't ignore him forever," her head snapped up as he pulled her out of her own thoughts.
"I'm not ignoring him, I just needed some space," she told him with a small shrug.
"You need people, Mer," he watched her, trying to read her emotion.
She glared at him for a moment, "Alex, I have people. I have you, and Maggie, and Cristina."
"You know what I mean," he chuckled at her nonchalance, "We're not interns anymore, you know? We're not trying to get through residency. What's your excuse gonna be now?" He knew the reason; she just wouldn't admit it out loud.
She rolled her eyes at his question, "You know, Alex, I can't do that again. I'm perfectly happy as I am now, I don't need anyone else in my life."
"It's not always about need, let it be about what you want," he suggested with a shrug.
She paused for a moment, debating what he'd said in her mind, "I'll think about it," she muttered before eating another forkful of her salad.
He laughed again at her stubbornness, "Letting someone in is not as bad as it might sound, you know," he said as he finished off his pizza, "I've got to go, kids to save and all that!"
Meredith shook her head, laughing softly as she watched him head out the cafeteria. She sat, lost in thought as she pushed the remainder of her salad around the plastic container. Alex was right, they weren't interns anymore, they were the attendings. Heads of their departments. Since Finn, she'd stopped dating. She'd had the odd one-night stand every once in a blue moon, but that was just to scratch an itch. She hadn't felt like this in years. She hadn't come anywhere close to this feeling since she before met Finn. Not ever in her life. She was scared, but it felt so good.
"Are you winning?" For the second time that hour, she was pulled out of her own thoughts. She looked up. He looked down at her with a small grin as she looked up in confusion, "You know, Meredith vs The Salad," he gestured towards the plastic container.
She looked down at the food in front of her, finally understanding what he was getting out. She laughed a little, looking back up at him, "You want to sit?"
"I thought you'd never ask," he said with a small smile, sitting across from her in the seat Alex was just in, making a start on his lunch, waiting on her to speak first. He needed to do things at her pace, he understood that.
She watched him curiously for a moment. As if a shock had just run through her body, she sat up in the chair. He looked at her, waiting for her to speak, "Are you busy tonight?"
Taken back slightly, but not wanting her to change her mind he replied quickly, "I should be leaving around 6 tonight and then I'm free. Why?" He questioned, keeping his eyes locked with hers.
"Do you, do you want to come over to my place, meet me there around seven?"
"I'd love to, Meredith," he tried to not sound so eager, but was over the moon that she'd asked.
She nodded, with a smile, "Good, I uh, I have to go, I'll see you soon, tonight?"
He nodded in return, unable to keep the grin off his face, "Definitely."
She felt his eyes on her as she walked out the room. Knowing she would see him tonight kept the smile on her face and helped her through the rest of the day. Not that she'd admit it to anyone.
He sat in his car, parked outside her house, the address she'd messaged him earlier on.
18:57.
Now, he didn't want to seem too eager. But he was. He was very eager.
He could sense already how skittish she was. She didn't come across as someone who would throw all her eggs in one basket and go for it. He definitely didn't expect her to, they'd known each other no more than two weeks. He couldn't deny the attraction he felt toward her, and he was sure she felt it too. He couldn't push her though, especially not now.
19:04. Shit. He'd got lost in his own thoughts again. He grabbed the bag off the seat next him and climbed out the car, making his way up to the front door.
Crap. Crap. He's not coming. She paced back and forth in the hallway, her palm against her forehead. Why would he want to? She was stupid to even invite him. This was a bad idea; this was a really bad idea. She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts, she almost jumped out of her skin when he knocked on the frosted glass of her front door. She opened the door, still slightly startled as she looked at him.
"Hey," he looked at her, slightly concerned, "you okay?"
She nodded and smiled, genuinely glad to see him, "Yeah, hi, I'm good, come in," she opened the door wider and step to the side to let him walk in, eyeing the bag, "What's in the bag?"
"Oh, I brought you tequila," he grinned softly as walked in, pulling the bottle out the bag and handing it to her.
She laughed as she took the bottle, "Thank you, you know me well," he followed her as she led the way to the kitchen to get them each a glass, "Are you drinking tequila as well?" She questioned.
"Oh no," he said with a laugh, sitting down on one of the stools at the island, "I'm not drinking that stuff, it's poison. I brought whiskey," he said as he set the bottle of his favourite whiskey on the counter in front of him.
"Oh, good, because I'm not sharing," she said with a grin, placing a glass down in front of him. She opened the bottle of tequila, pouring some into her own glass, "I'm kind of hungry, and I'm kind of sick of eating lasagne, fancy a pizza?"
"I'm good for some pizza," he said as he poured his drink, "Why so much lasagne?"
"It's Maggie's comfort food," she rolled her eyes as she spoke, taking a sip of her drink as she walked around to sit on the stool beside him, "Pepperoni good for you?"
"I'm good with whatever, Meredith," he watched as she smiled when he said her name, he did have that effect on her it seemed. He waited for her as she phoned up the local pizza place, putting in their order. Once she had put the phone down, he placed a hand on her thigh and squeezed gently, as a way to comfort, more than anything, "How are you?"
He didn't have to say the words exactly, she knew what he meant, "Honestly, Derek, I'm okay. Ellis and I, we didn't have a good relationship. She took me away to Boston when I was five, took me away from my father. Surgery always came first for her; I was an afterthought. I grew up with nannies, not a mother. Before med school, we had this big fight, she told me I'd never make it as a surgeon," she paused, downing the last bit of tequila from her glass and set it down. He didn't interrupt her, he just listened to what she had to say. After a moment she continued, "and then I went away to Europe for two months, when I came back, that's when her sickness became more obvious. But she had no one left, she only had me. So, I had to do everything, I took over. I still went to med school, I looked after her. When I got accepted at Seattle Grace, it was almost a blessing. I moved her into Roseridge, I was able to keep it a secret for her, for about half a year, but then she turned up at the hospital and everyone knew," she sighed softly and looked up from her hands to him, "I'm sorry, I'm totally rambling right now."
"No, don't be sorry, it's okay," he placed his hand against cheek, and she rested her cheek against his hand, "You can talk if you need to, or I can talk. Or we can just sit here in silence," he laughed softly and leaned forward to press a kiss against her forehead.
"Let's go sit on the couch," she said, placing her hand over his and locking their fingers together to hold his hand, she picked up the bottle of tequila with her other hand. He picked up his bottle of whiskey and followed her through to the couch in the living room. He sat down in the corner of the couch and she hesitated a moment before sitting close beside him, allowing his arm to slide around her waist. It felt safe.
She rested her head against his shoulder before she continued, "So, everyone found out. She went back to the nursing home after a short stay. A couple months later, I got a call from the nursing home because she'd been asking for me. She wanted to apologise for everything that had happened before I went to Europe. She didn't know five years had passed. Then, she started having arrhythmias so maybe it was a good thing I'd been there," she laughed sadly at the thought, "and she came back to the hospital. I spent time with her. She said she wanted to get to know me, but she didn't like what she heard, I'd met someone at the time," her voice faltered slightly, not wanting to go too deep into that subject just yet, and he wasn't going to push it, "long story short, she was disappointed in me. That night she sat with Richard, I went to check on her and she was gone again. The next day, Dr Bourke operated on her and once she recovered, well she's been in the home ever since."
Derek lowered his head and pressed his lips against her temple, inhaling the lavender scent of her hair and she spoke one last time, "I'm not in shock, I'm not wracked with grief… I'm moving on." They sat in a comfortable silence, mainly because she was slightly panicking at the word-vomit she'd just produced in the last twenty minutes. A knock on the door pulled them out of their bubble, most likely belonging to the pizza. Derek released his hold on her and went to the door to get the pizza.
Meredith listened for a moment, then took a drink of tequila from the bottle before placing it on the coffee table next to Derek's whiskey bottle. As Derek brought the pizza in, she went into the kitchen to grab some paper towels for them both. The last thing she wanted to be doing tonight was any dishes. Settling back on the couch, the pizza between them, the conversation of the relationship Ellis and Meredith Grey had been dropped as they ate. She wanted to know more about him. As they spoke, laughed, and ate the pizza, a voice in the back of her head was begging her to ask about his almost-ex-wife, or she hoped he would bring it up himself.
Something was bothering her. He could tell. There was a question on the tip of her tongue. He had an inkling what it would be about, but he didn't want to make any assumptions. He waited, listened to her stories, told his own stories. She asked about surgeries he's had since coming to the hospital, she was interested in the neurological cases. She asked about cases he'd had back in New York. He felt at ease talking with her, he was genuinely interested in what he had to say. Whatever it was that he could tell she was dying to ask him, she didn't ask. Part of him didn't want to bring up what he thought she was thinking about. He didn't want to ruin the evening, the light mood between them.
He had to, though. He had to be honest with her. So, when the conversation lulled slightly, he brought it up. "I, I thought I should let you know, by the way, the divorce," her ears perked at his, and she looked straight at him, prepared for whatever he was about to say, "there's been some kind of delay in getting the papers from my attorney to Addison, my soon to be ex-wife. Something about tracing her, it appears she's moved address. They'll get them to her though, and I don't want you to worry about it," he took her hand in hers and squeezed her hand gently, trying to read her expression, "I want this to work, and to do that I need to be honest with you, especially about this, because this affects you, too."
She hung on to every word he said. Listening carefully. He cared. He cared about what she thought. He wanted this to work with Meredith and she could see that so clearly in this moment. She took a deep breath and nodded, squeezing his hand back gently. Her other hand moved to pick up the empty pizza box between them, putting it out of the way on the coffee table so she could move closer to him.
His arms snaked around her waist as she moved closer, and he gently pulled her closer to him, letting her back rest against his chest as she lay between his legs. Her head tilted back to look at him with a small smile, "Thank you, for telling me."
He lowered his lips and pressed them gently against her forehead, "Like I said, I want this to work."
Her eyes closed as she let herself relax in his hold, a soft sigh of contentment escaping her lips as she did so.
They lay there again in their comfortable silence. Since Ellis' death, she couldn't deny she'd had problems getting to sleep, and staying asleep. Lay there in his arms, she was relaxed, and it didn't take long for her to doze off. His eyes watched her as she fell into slumber, all the barriers she had been holding up, the 'I'm fine' mask, all fell away. He could see how tired she was, and he knew she wouldn't be the first to admit it, so he let her sleep there. He didn't dare to wake her, and would stop anyone who tried.
I never thought that I was king of you.
Runaway (feat. Psapp) - Syabrite
A/N: I just wanted to say thank you for all the positive reviews :)