A/N: This is probably the chapter I'm most proud of so far. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Where are you now, when darkness seems to win?
Meredith was on her way to meet Derek and head home for the evening when her phone started to ring. She pulled it out her pocket and was confused. Why was Alex ringing her? She answered after her brief hesitation, "Hey, Karev. What's up?"
"She's here, and she's asking for you," he said, she could hear the grin in his voice. Meredith's heart skipped a beat. She knew exactly who he was talking about.
"I'm on my way," she said before hanging up. She headed straight to the elevator, repeatedly pressing the button to go back up. Eventually the doors opened, and she pressed the button for the paediatric floor. As she waited for the elevator to reach its destination, she composed a quick message to Derek. Really sorry, something important has come up and I'm going to be in the hospital all night, rain check? She hit send as she stepped out of the elevator and headed into the ward.
Alex was waiting for her by the nurses' station, "She's supposed to be getting to sleep soon, but she refuses to sleep until she sees you."
Meredith grinned back at him, "Thank you for calling me."
She followed him to the patient's room, Alex went in first, "Look who I found for you," he announced her arrival before stepping out of the room.
The little girl in the bed looked up and grinned the moment she saw Meredith, her big brown eyes lighting up, "MerMer!" She reaches her arms out and Meredith moved closer, wrapping her arms around the girl. She instantly knew something was off, she felt so much thinner than the last time she'd seen her just ten months ago when she came in for a check up.
"Hey there, Miss Zola," she couldn't keep the grin off her face as Zola hugged her waist tight. Meredith sat on the bed beside her and pulled her close into her lap, "Now, Dr Alex says you don't want to sleep?"
"I just really, really missed you," the little girl mumbled against her. Meredith laughed softly as she stroked her hair.
"I missed you too," she pressed a soft kiss against the top of her head, "Let me take my coat off and I'll help you get some rest," Zola nodded and released Meredith who proceeded to take her coat off, putting it on the chair beside the bed, also removing her shoes.
She helped the girl under the covers and moved to lay beside her, holding her close, wary of her IV, "Time to sleep now, ZoZo, I'm not going anywhere," Meredith whispered to the girl, and then proceeded to sing a soft lullaby to her. As Zola fell asleep, Meredith felt her relax in her arms. She knew she needed to move, speak to Alex, but she just needed a moment longer with her.
Alex returned to the room, quietly knocking on the door to get Meredith's attention. She looked over to him, "Come on, Mer. We need to talk."
Meredith nodded with a soft sigh and pressed a kiss to Zola's forehead before carefully pulling away, making sure Zola's toy lion was close beside her. She put her shoes back on but left her things on the chair before walking into the hallway with Alex. His arms wrapped around her, and only then did she realise she had tears in her eyes. Alex held her tight as she began to cry a little. After a moment he let her go, "You can't do this here, come on," he led her into the small office nearby and she sat in the chair.
"She feels thinner, Alex. It can't be good, can it? Why is she here?" She looked up at him, tears in her eyes still as she waited for an answer from him.
"The social worker brought her in, Mer," he told her, "Bullshit foster parents. She's malnourished and was dehydrated. She needs to stay here at least a week in case the conditions exacerbate any complications with her Spina Bifida."
Anger built up inside her. She stood up out of the chair and smacked her hand against the wall, "Damnit! I knew, I should've," she muttered to herself as Alex watched her. He knew exactly what she meant. Exactly why she was so angry, angry at herself.
"Meredith, this isn't your fault," he tried to reason with her.
"How?! How is this not my fault?" she screamed back at him, tears streaming down her face as she started to breathe heavier, on the edge of a panic attack.
Alex grabbed her arms, "Meredith, you need to calm down," he watched her as she stared at him, "C'mon, Mer. You can't do this to yourself."
"I just, I just… I should've protected her, right from the start. She shouldn't have gone into the stupid system!" she started to calm down as she talked, Alex's arms wrapped around her again and rubbed her back gently, he didn't have to say anything. Meredith took a deep breath and stood back, wiping her eyes.
His pager went off, breaking the silence between them and he checked it, "I have to go. Are you going to be okay?"
She nodded taking another breath and wiping her eyes again, "Yeah, yeah. I'll go sit with her you go."
As soon as he was sure she was calmer he left to go answer his page. A moment later she left the office, keeping her head down as she returned to Zola's room. She closed the door behind her and sat in the chair beside her bed. She tucked her legs beneath herself and watched the small girl as she slept.
After a moment she took her phone out, to check Derek had received her message. She smiled at his message as she felt a hunger in her stomach, realising she hadn't had time to eat since breakfast. If you're not too busy, something to eat wouldn't go amiss. I'm up in paeds for the night, room 5. She set her phone down and continued her watch over Zola.
Derek was about ready to leave his office, ready to go and meet Meredith and head home when his phone chimed with a message from her. He couldn't help the disappointment that spread across his face.
Really sorry, something important has come up and I'm going to be in the hospital all night, rain check?
He quickly typed out a response to her. It's okay, call me if you need anything. He sighed softly; he'd been looking forward to tonight. They hadn't been able to spend time alone together for a few nights and they needed this. He needed this.
He put his phone away and left his office, not paying attention to his surroundings as he walked down the hall of offices. At the end, just before the elevator was Richard Webber's office. By chance, he looked in. What he saw stopped him dead in his tracks. Why was she here?
He walked straight into the office, not giving a damn, "What the hell are you doing here?" He demanded.
She turned to look at him, "Derek," she started.
"I asked her to come here, Derek, for a patient," Richard interrupted, he didn't have time to referee the separated spouses.
"And no one bothered to let me know?" He asked, still seething.
"I tried to call you, Derek," she spat back at him, "it's not my fault you won't answer the phone."
Richard spoke up, "I don't have time for this, I need to get to the paediatric ward, sort this among yourselves. Addison, meet me up there when you're done."
"She can go with you now," Derek stated, "I have nothing to say to her," he turned to walk out the room, he needed to go calm down.
He leant against the wall outside Richard's office, watching as the Chief and his soon-to-be ex-wife headed to the elevator. As they got in the elevator, he heard his phone chime in his pocket. He took it out and read the message from Meredith. Food. She needed food. His anger dissipated and he headed to the stairs, making his way to the cafeteria.
He grabbed a sandwich he'd seen her eating before, chicken salad, and a bottle of water, trying to be as quick as he could. She probably hadn't eaten since they'd had a coffee together that morning before her surgery. He paid for them both and made his way up to the paediatric unit, not entirely sure why she'd be up there but happy to see her, nonetheless.
About five minutes passed and she heard a soft knock against the glass of the window, she turned from where she sat in the chair, expecting to see Derek stood there. She was wrong. Richard Webber. She sighed in slight annoyance as she hadn't had the chance to even speak to him about Lexie yet. But she needed to talk to him. He knew her history with Zola and had clearly come to see her out of concern.
She stood up out of the chair and went to stand outside with Richard, closing the door to the room behind her. She leaned against the wall beside her room and looked to Richard, "Hey."
"Alex told me what's going on, Meredith," he said with a soft sigh, "You need to be careful."
"I know, but it's a bit too late to not get attached now, isn't it?" She said to him, a pained expression on her face, "I just wish I'd been there for her sooner."
Richard placed a hand on her shoulder, "I know, Meredith, I know," he stood there beside her for a moment.
"This doesn't mean I've forgiven you, by the way," she eyed him carefully, "I had a whole speech planned to give you," she laughed a little. It all seemed so irrelevant now.
He looked at her in slight confusion and his hand fell from her shoulder, "Forgiven me for what?"
She rolled her eyes at him, "Lexie," the look in his eyes made it obvious she'd caught him, "You knew she was coming! A heads up would've been nice you know, like, 'Oh by the way Meredith, your half-sister that you've never met is joining us to start a fellowship'!"
"I know, I'm sorry, Meredith, honestly I was going to tell you, and by the time I had time to speak to you when you weren't also busy she was here already," he looked at her, "And I wasn't 100% sure it was even her."
She shrugged at him and turned her gaze back to watch Zola through the glass as she slept, "It's done now," she said softly, "I need to help Zola. I have to do something."
"You'll figure it out, Meredith, you always do," he smiled as he also looked to Zola. He'd watched Meredith grow up; become the person she is today. He knew she had it in her. He knew she'd do everything in her power to keep that girl safe.
At the sound of someone coming down the hallway, they both looked up. Derek was coming towards them. Richard spoke first, "Derek now is not the time, I am not having that conversation with you here, you need to sort it out between yourselves."
Meredith furrowed her brow in confusion, what was he on about? She looked to Derek for some sort of explanation.
"Alex, he asked me to pass these to you, Mer- Dr. Grey," he said to her with a smile as he passed her the sandwich and water, and then turned to Richard, "I know, it's fine, I was just leaving when Alex found me," she knew he was lying through his teeth, but she was the one who didn't want people to know yet.
"Oh, uhm, thanks, Dr Shepherd," she said as she took them from him, "I'm just going to go back in," she said, eying Derek suspiciously before she went back inside the room, returning to her perch in the chair beside Zola's bed. She had definitely missed something there, but she didn't dwell on it. She had more important things to think about.
She awoke to the sound of Zola's voice, "MerMer!" Her eyes blinked a few times as they focused, and she suddenly became aware of her surroundings as events from the previous night flooded into her conscious. She was also aware of a blanket covering her that wasn't there last night.
"Good morning, Miss Zola," she greeted the girl with a soft grin and held her hand out to her, which Zola held in both of hers tight, "How did you sleep?"
Zola nodded at her, "I sleep good," she confirmed with a wide grin, "Dr Alex said to wake you up!"
"Oh, did he now?" Meredith responded with a small laugh, "I'd better go see what Dr Alex wants then, hadn't I?"
She watched as Zola's brow furrowed and the girl kept a tight hold on her, "No, stay," she pouted, and Meredith moved to sit on the bed beside her, pulling her into a hug on her lap.
"Let me just check here then," she kept a hold of Zola as she reached for the tablet that had been left on the table next to her bed. She pulled up Zola's chart and had a quick read through the notes to see how bad the malnutrition was, "Well, it says here that you need some breakfast, ZoZo, so we'd better go find Dr Alex together," she set the tablet back down on the table.
Zola nodded enthusiastically, clinging onto Meredith as she stood with her. Meredith held Zola on her hip with one arm, using her free hand to bring along the IV pole that was attached to Zola. Her head buried into Meredith's shoulder as they left the room, and it didn't take long for them to find Alex who was stood at one of the nurses' stations.
Meredith set Zola down on the desk, keeping hold of her to keep her steady, "Look who we found, Zola," she encouraged her to look up, and Zola's grinned with glee at who she saw.
"Dr Alex!" She said with a giggle, "Look I woke up MerMer!"
Alex laughed in response, "Hey, I can see that," he gently ruffled the top of her head, earning a laugh from the small girl, "We need to get back to your room though, Zo, it's almost time for breakfast."
Zola nodded in response as Meredith picked her back up again, ignoring the looks from various residents and the odd nurse. Alex took hold of the IV pole as they walked back, and Meredith held Zola close. Alex spoke at a lower volume to Meredith, "We need to talk," she looked at him slightly panicked, "Oh, it's not about Zola."
She looked at him, confused, as they made it back to Zola's room and she set Zola down on the bed. Meredith tucked the girl back under the blanket as Alex put the IV pole back. "I'll be right back, okay?"
Zola looked up at her with big eyes, "Promise?"
Meredith smiled back at her, "I promise, Zo." She left the room with Alex and stood just outside the door, in the window so that Zola could see her, "What is it Alex?"
"Well first of all, Zola is clinging on to you for dear life," he said with a small laugh, "but that's not what I needed to talk to you about. And you didn't hear this from me, okay?" She nodded, still confused, "You're still seeing Derek, right?"
Now she was bewildered, "Yeah, Alex, why?"
She watched him as he dragged his hand down his face with a sigh, "Mer, he's married."
"Yeah, Alex, I know, they're separated. As in, waiting for her to sign the divorce papers separated," she looked at him curiously, "How did you know?"
"She's here, Mer, she's working with Robbins on a case," he said to her, rather bluntly.
Recognition dawned on her. So that's what Richard was talking to him about. But why hadn't he told her? She needed to speak to him, but she couldn't leave to go running around after him right now, he'd have to come find her, "Seriously?" she said to Alex when she realised he was waiting for her to say something.
"Yeah, she's walking around the maternity unit now with Arizona, and then they're headed up here after Webber's meeting. She's tall, red-head, you can't miss her," he told her, "I don't know if she knows about you, I got all this from Robbins and a two minute introduction with the woman."
"Okay, well I'm not going anywhere, whether she knows about me or not," Meredith huffed "but if you see Derek before me, tell him to come find me."
Alex nodded and gave her a quick hug, "I'll go get Zola's breakfast before this meeting with Richard."
Meredith headed back inside to sit with Zola, who proceeded to spend the next fifteen minutes talking her ear off, but Meredith wouldn't have it any other way, even if half of it didn't make sense.
She knew without a doubt, she needed to be Zola's mother.
Derek hadn't gone home that night. After seeing Meredith stood in the hallway, eyes slightly red, he knew he had to stay. Even if she didn't need him there. All he'd wanted to do was take her in his arms and hold her close, but he couldn't do that with Richard standing there and Addison roaming the hospital.
He groaned at a slight pain in his back as he woke up on the couch in his office and he slowly moved into a sitting position, grabbing his phone. She hadn't messaged him yet and it was 07:30, almost time for rounds, and consults, and surgery. He needed to talk to Meredith, he needed to explain before she heard it from someone else or worse, saw Addison and found out who she was for herself.
He put his phone down and went to the attendings lounge just to grab a fresh pair of scrubs and a cup of coffee, taking both back to his office to change. He threw on his white lab coat and clipped his ID badge on, quickly drinking down the coffee and picking his phone back up before he headed out.
Just as he reached the elevator, his phone pinged with a reminder. Leadership meeting, Conference Room B in ten minutes. He groaned softly to himself and hit the button for second floor. That definitely put a kink in his plans, he'd have to go to that first.
Entering the conference room, he made a beeline for the back wall and leant back against it, watching as everyone else filled the room. He saw Pierce, Karev and Kepner come in, followed by Link who stood beside him, giving him a nod which he returned. The time was getting closer to eight and he still hadn't seen her come in yet. She normally stood close to him during these things. Richard entered the room with Arizona and Addison, and after a quick scan of the room closed the door behind him.
"Thank you for coming, everyone. I appreciate you taking the time this morning to be here," Richard began. "Just a few things I wanted to mention, first of all we have Dr Addison Montgomery-Shepherd joining us for the next week from New York to help on the Hartley case with Dr Robbins. I want you all to make her feel welcome," as he said her name, Addison stepped forward with a small wave and a smile, he refused to look at her and kept his focus on Richard who continued on with the meeting.
After all relevant pieces of business had been discussed, Richard concluded the meeting, "Dr Grey will not be available today, any and all General Surgery enquiries are to be directed to Dr Bailey in her absence. Have a good day people," he smiled at everyone before leaving the room, and he heard people muttering among themselves.
He wasn't one to listen in to hospital gossip, but when he heard the name Meredith escape Maggie's lips, and a quick nod from Karev, he couldn't help but be intrigued. His thoughts were broken as he noticed Addison try and make her way over to him, at which point he made his way to the door and left the room, with her following close behind him. She grabbed at his arm, "Derek, would you just stop for one moment."
He turned round to look at her, "No, Addison, I have work to do. You can sign the divorce papers and give them back to your lawyer, there's no conversation to be had here."
He turned to walk away, but not before he heard her, "I know you've been seeing someone."
I hear you say, look up child.
Look Up Child – Lauren Diagle