I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell.
"You think true love is the only thing that can crush your heart. The thing that will take your life and light it up. Or destroy it. Then, you become a mother."
Meredith was practically camped out in front of the OR board and had been for the past hour after getting off the phone with Janet. They'd arranged for Janet to come by the hospital that evening to go over the initial paperwork. Now, she was waiting for Zola to come out of surgery, which should be any minute now. She should've got something to eat, but nothing seemed appetising and her stomach was in knots.
She looked up as the doors opened and Alex walked through, "How is she? Is everything okay?"
Alex placed his hands on her shoulders, "Meredith she's fine, they just finished up and they're taking her to the PICU now," his arms pulled her into a hug as her head tilted forward against his shoulder and she relaxed, the tension from worrying about Zola washing off her.
She pulled back with a sigh and looked up at her friend, "Alex I'm going to tell you something, and you need to not overreact, or get angry or anything, okay?" He nodded for her to continue, "He's staying with Addison."
She watched as she saw the anger build up in him, and he took a deep breath and then he looked at her, "I'm sorry, Mer. And I won't say anything for your sake, but just so you know, I wanna hit him so bad."
Meredith laughed softly, "It's fine, I'm fine, I have to focus on Zola right now. The social worker is coming by this evening with paperwork, she sounded positive."
"That's good! That's really good, Mer. Let's go see her, yeah?" He put an arm around Meredith and squeezed gently, "God knows if she wakes up without you there, she won't be happy."
Meredith laughed again and walked with Alex as they made their way to the PICU, "You've got that right."
After making sure Zola had been situated in the PICU, he wrote up post-op notes for her chart, stood by the workstation opposite her temporary room. He watched as Meredith came through with Karev, as she sat in the chair beside Zola's bed and took her hand. He replayed in his head what she'd said to him not two hours earlier.
"You're staying with Addison," she said, not looking up at him.
He hadn't said anything, he couldn't say anything. She was right. He was staying with Addison and he didn't even have the guts to tell her last night, or this morning. He could say eh was waiting util after Zola's surgery, he didn't want to put this on her when the girl who was practically her daughter was about to go into surgery. He didn't think Addison would have come into the room. He didn't think she'd have picked up on the looks between himself and Addison. The ones telling his wife to stop glaring at Meredith like she was. He could lie and said he didn't tell her right away because of Zola, but really, he was scared to say the words to her.
"I'm out," she'd said before leaving the room.
He deserved the animosity from her. He'd pulled her along and then changed his mind at the last minute. He hadn't even explained himself. Just stood there, silently, watching the hurt on her face. He didn't know how to explain himself. He was doing this for her benefit, right? She deserved happiness and he would make it all complicated. Addison would make it all complicated. He had to let Addison have her so that it wouldn't be complicated. His mind wandered as he thought back to the previous night.
He walked into Joe's and grabbed a drink from the bar. His usual drink. He made his way to the back of the room where he saw Addison waiting for him, nursing her own drink. He sat down across from her, "You're not going to make this easy for me, are you?"
She shook her head, "We can't just throw away eleven years of marriage, Derek."
"You should've thought of that before you got into our bed with Mark Sloan," he retorted, taking a drink.
"I made a mistake, Derek, how many times do I have to apologise?" she looked up at him earnestly.
"Our marriage was dying before then, anyway, Addison. You can't deny that," he said, looking back at her.
"Well then maybe we just need help. Couples counselling," she shrugged, taking a sip.
Derek thought for a moment, staring into his drink, "I'm not leaving Seattle, I'm not going back to New York."
"I get that you have to work the contract you signed with Webber…"
"No, Addison. It's not about the job," he looked up at her with sadness in his eyes, "I have my land here, I've started making a life here and I feel better here. I'm not about to throw that progress away."
"And what about me, Derek? What am I supposed to do?"
He shrugged in response, "If you want to make it work so badly, make it work. Show me you'll at least try and compromise."
She sighed and finished off her drink, "Fine. We'll talk about it. I just want to know, who is she? And don't deny there being anyone because I know there is."
"She doesn't need any part in this," he shook his head, he wasn't about to throw Meredith in the deep end, he was already breaking his word to her.
Addison groaned, rolling her eyes at him, "If you don't tell me now, you know I'll find out eventually."
She had a point, "None of this goes further than this, okay? No one actually knew we were together and like I said, she doesn't need any part of this, she has enough on her plate," it probably was better just coming from him, he'd speak to Meredith the next chance he had, after Zola had been in surgery. He downed the remainder of his drink before he spoke, "Meredith Grey."
Zola had woken briefly before going back to sleep, and Meredith refused to leave her side. People had to come to her. And they did. Bailey came in first, to go over her service while Zola was sleeping. They sat together for around an hour while Bailey updated her on her patients and any next steps that were being taken. She brought her up to speed on new cases that had come in and asked for her input on treatment plans.
Shortly after Bailey left, Maggie came by to see her. She was relieved to see Maggie, and not just because of the coffee she'd brought her. Her sister passed her the coffee and quietly pulled up a chair beside Meredith as she spoke, "So, am I going to be an auntie?"
Meredith laughed softly, with a nod, "I really hope so, Mags. Janet, Zola's social worker is coming by later on with paperwork and to go through it all with me. It's going to be a long road, but it'll be so worth it," she grinned and took a sip of her coffee, her eyes on Zola as she spoke.
Maggie took her sister's hand and squeezed gently, "Well, I'm here for you, Mer. Anything you need, anything I can do to help, just let me know."
She turned to her sister with a smile and squeezed her hand back, "Thanks, Maggie," something made Meredith look up and she could see just down the hall from where she was sat. She could see Derek making his way through to Zola's room, having just been stopped for a moment by one of his residents.
Maggie followed Meredith's gaze as she saw the expression on her sister's face, "I can stay if you need to not be here," she offered. Meredith's text earlier in the day meant she knew what had recently happened between the two. She looked back at her sister, who was watching Zola.
Meredith shook her head, "No, I need to stay. They'll have to try and wake her a moment to do her neuro check."
Maggie nodded with a sympathetic look on her face. She wasn't sure if she could do the same if she were in Meredith's place, "Okay, I'll stay still, though."
Meredith could feel her heart hammering against her chest as she heard his footsteps enter the room and felt his eyes on her. She spoke in a small voice, her hand holding Zola's, "You need me to wake her?" She asked, not looking at him.
He cleared his throat a little before he spoke, "Yeah, just for a few minutes, then she can go back to sleep."
Meredith nodded, she knew the protocol and wasn't about to fight it with him. Her hand squeezed Zola's and she placed her hand affectionately against the girl's cheek, "Come on, Zo, time to wake up," her thumb gently rubbed against her cheek as she watched Zola opening her eyes and taking in the faces around her. After a second, Meredith could tell she was in some kind of pain from the expression on her face and how tight Zola had grabbed her hand, "Just a few minutes and then you can go back to sleep," Meredith attempted to comfort her, "Dr Derek here just needs to check a few things, okay?"
Zola looked to Derek who had perched on the edge of her bed and gave her a warm smile, blissfully unaware of the tension between him and who she considered to be her best friend. Derek held his hands out to her, and she placed a hand in one of them, refusing to let go of Meredith's hand with her other hand.
"It's okay, I'm not going anywhere," Meredith reassured her as she moved Zola's hand into Derek's, ignoring any feeling she may have had when her hand lightly brushed against his. She immediately retreated her hands to her lap, making sure to keep her eyes on Zola as Derek continued with the exam.
"Okay," Derek said, letting go of Zola's hands, "I just need to check the back of your neck Zola," he gestured to the back of his own neck to ensure she understand what he meant. He watched as she turned to look at Meredith, who nodded back to her and moved to help her sit up a little, supporting her back with one hand and she leaned forward slightly. Again, Meredith found herself ignoring any feeling that occurred from being within close proximity of Derek, and he did the same, focusing on his assessment of Zola's incision, "Look's good, I'll ask a nurse to come in and get the bandage changed."
Meredith shook her head as she helped Zola lay back down, "No need, I'll do it in a moment."
"Right, okay then," Derek nodded, "Can I speak to you a moment, Meredith?" he asked her, taking his chance now while he still could.
Maggie stood up at this point, clearing her throat a little, "You can speak with me," she smiled at Derek, not wanting to give him any reason to be alone with Meredith.
Derek didn't expect this, and quickly racked his brain for something to tell Maggie in relation to Zola, because that wasn't what he wanted to speak to Meredith about, "Okay, yeah," he said, attempting to not sound fazed, and stepped just outside of the room with Maggie, holding a tablet in his hand that had Zola's chart up, "Everything looks good so far, she should be able to move out of the PICU tomorrow morning as long as everything stays on track."
Maggie watched him carefully, taking in the information, "I think you need to reassign this post-op to someone else on your team," she said bluntly.
"I don't think that's necessary, Pierce, I did her surgery, and I'd like to see her through to discharge," Derek started, clearly wanting any excuse to still see Meredith on a daily basis.
Maggie shook her head and held her hand up to stop him, "No Dr Shepherd, you don't need to. You wouldn't do this for any other patient, and like you said, everything is on track and going well. Assign post-op care to another member of your team or I will be speaking to Richard about this."
Derek had nothing to say in response to that, he didn't know that Maggie wouldn't actually go to Richard because that would mean telling him about Derek and Meredith's relationship, and that wasn't her business to do, she should just had to make him think that she would do it. He simply nodded, "I'll see to it," he assured her before turning around and walking out of the PICU.
When Maggie returned to Zola's room, she had already fallen back asleep and looking at her sister, she could see that she needed sleep too. She sighed softly; she knew she wouldn't be able to get Meredith to leave the room. Maggie placed a hand on Meredith's shoulder, "Get some sleep, Mer, while she's sleeping. I'll come back in a bit I have to get to surgery."
Meredith nodded and looked up at Maggie, "What did he say?"
"He said everything looks good, and she's recovering as expected. He's going to assign another member of his team to her post-op care," she didn't feel the need to explain more on the last part, about how she'd practically threatened him to get him to do it. Meredith nodded and sat back in the chair, bringing up her knees beneath her. Maggie squeezed her shoulder gently before leaving the room. One last look confirming Meredith had taken her advice and was getting some shut eye.
Meredith entered the cafeteria, eyes scanning the room for the brown-haired girl. She needed to get this meeting over and done with, rip the band aid off so to speak. Alex had told her that Lexie was taking over Zola's post-op care for the rest of her stay in the PICU, and probably until she was discharged from the hospital, and if they didn't do this now it would just make everything very awkward and Meredith just didn't have the strength left in her for that.
She spotted Lexie sat at a table in the far corner of the room, waiting for her. She headed over and sat down opposite her, "Hey, Lexie Grey, right?"
Lexie nodded, "Meredith," she said with a shy smile, "I'm so glad you asked to meet me, I wanted to do this sooner but they said you'd taken a few days out," Meredith watched curiously as Lexie started to babble a bit.
She held up her hand to stop her, "it's fine, I've just had some personal things to take care of, which is kind of why I'm here now talking to you."
Lexie nodded in understanding but had a slight confused look on her face, "How can I help?"
"You have a case that's just been assigned to you, Zola Lambini, post-op care?" Meredith asked, already knowing the answer, Lexie nodded to confirm, "She's… she's like a daughter to me. And hopefully, she will be my daughter, legally, in a few months or however long it takes."
Lexie's eyes widened slightly, "Oh, I can get someone else assigned to it I'm sure Dr Shepherd…"
Meredith cut her off, "No, no. I'm not asking you to come off the case. I just wanted to meet you now, here, before our first meeting ended up being in her hospital room."
Lexie nodded, "Okay, that's fair enough," she said, smiling at her newly found half-sister.
"Good, good," Meredith gave her sister a small smile before she continued, "So, uhm, how's Thatcher?" She asked hesitantly, not sure if she actually wanted to know the answer or even talk about him.
Lexie bit her lip; she wasn't entirely sure how to answer that question. She knew the two weren't on good terms, obviously, but he was her dad, "He's okay, I guess. It was hard on him when Mom died last year so I came back to Seattle to help him out, really."
"Good, that's good," Meredith responded, her eyes glassing over when she realised Lexie's Mom had died. She hadn't heard from Thatcher since Ellis died and didn't even know if he knew she died. She didn't ask, though, "I have to get back, I guess I'll see you later."
Lexie nodded as Meredith stood out of her chair, "I'll see you later."
Unbeknownst to Meredith, the exchange between her and her sister was being watched from afar by none other than Derek Shepherd. If she had known he was watching, she'd definitely have had some colourful words to say about that.
Zola was sleeping again when the social worker came by. Meredith stood with her at the nurses' station that overlooked Zola's room while they spoke just in case she woke up. Janet has a pile of paperwork ready for Meredith. They went through the documents page by page, and they went through the next steps in the adoption process.
Meredith would first file for temporary custody to begin once Zola was discharged, and then it would take at least three months for her to get permanent custody and finalise the adoption. Meredith voiced her concerns about adopting Zola as a single parent, but Janet eased her concerns. Meredith was a Doctor, she had her sister, Maggie, and her other close friends as a support system. Janet didn't see any reason they'd have a problem with her being a single parent. At this, Meredith felt a slight weight being eased off her shoulders. That was one of her main worries.
Janet recapped everything with Meredith one more time before leaving her with the file of paperwork, "I'll be in touch, and I'll be coming by to visit every other day to see how Zola is getting on. I'm glad you've finally decided to do this, Dr Grey."
Meredith nodded and thanked the woman before all her help before she left. She stood there for a moment, holding the folder Janet had just given her and took a deep breath. She'd wait for a few days until Zola was a little more alert, but she couldn't wait to tell her. Meredith just hoped this is what Zola wanted as well.
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around.
White Horse - Taylor Swift