So it's gonna be forever, or it's gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it's over, if the high was worth the pain
Meredith couldn't keep the smile off her face as she collected Zola from the day care centre to take her for lunch. She smiled attentively as she watched her daughter walking in front of her, almost as though she was leading the way to the cafeteria. Zola stopped walking as they entered and looked back to her, "What's up, Zo?" She stopped beside her.
Zola's arms raised for Meredith to pick her up and she obliged, lifting her to hold her on her hip, "Mommy, Dr Derek," Zola whispered and pointed to where Derek was sat at a table on his own eating his lunch.
Meredith laughed softly and nodded, "Yeah, do you want to say hi?" Zola nodded with a grin, only to bury her head against Meredith's shoulder as they approached the table.
Derek smiled at them both as he looked up and saw them, "Hey there you two."
"Hey, Zola wanted to say hi," Meredith said as she sat on the chair beside him, sitting Zola in her lap, watching as she turned her head to look to where Derek was sitting beside them.
"Hey Zola," Derek smiled at the young girl, laughing softly as Zola reached her arms to him and he looked to Meredith a moment, who nodded in approval, before he picked Zola up and let her sit in his lap.
Meredith watched, elated, as Zola gave him a hug and he grinned at the action, "I'm just going to grab us something to eat, are you okay to sit with her?" Meredith asked, watching them with a smile.
"Yeah, go on," he told her, holding on to Zola who had pulled back from the hug and studied Derek's face.
"I'll be back in a minute, Zo," she smiled and leaned to press a soft kiss to the top of Zola's head before getting up to grab them both some lunch.
Derek sat with Zola in his lap, laughing as she reached to touch the scrub cap he still wore, "Boats?" she asked, a questioning look on her face.
"Yeah, do you like boats?" He asked, reaching to pull of the cap and letting Zola look at it closely in her hands.
She nodded as she scrunched it up in her hand with a giggle and he laughed with her, "I go on boat with Mommy," Zola explained, "like boats?" She asked him.
"I do, they're my favourite," he told her as she kept the scrub cap clutched to her. He looked up as Meredith returned, keeping his hold on Zola as she turned to look as well, holding the cap to show Meredith.
"Mommy, boats!" Zola grinned at her mother, giggling away.
Meredith laughed softly and sat down, "Yeah, baby," she smiled and pierced the whole in the juice cup for Zola with a straw, "Time for lunch, Zo, come on," she watched with a small smile as Zola kept herself in Derek's lap reaching for her juice. She moved it closer for her and she picked up, leaving the scrub cap on the table. Meredith looked to Derek, "I can take her back if you need to be somewhere?"
Derek shook his head, "No it's okay, you eat, I've got her." Meredith grinned and started eating her pasta, watching as Derek helped Zola with her smaller dish of the same pasta.
Maggie was sat eating her lunch across the room with Alex when she spotted Meredith sat across the room with Derek and Zola. She looked to Alex, "Did I miss something?"
Alex looked toward where Maggie was gesturing, as confused as she was, "I think we've both missed something there," he shrugged and went back to his food, "I trust Meredith's judgement, it might look like she's making rash decisions, but she always has good reasoning behind it."
"You're not wrong there," Maggie agreed, but still couldn't help but worry for her sister and new niece, seeing them get hurt was the last thing she wanted. She stood up from the table with her empty tray, returning it before heading off to continue with her day.
At Zola's request, Derek went with Meredith to take her back to the day-care centre, "I'll be back at home time, Zo," Meredith said to her before pressing a soft kiss to her head and letting her go to play. Before she joined the other kids, she gave Derek's leg a quick hug, earning a small laugh from Meredith and Derek.
They walked side by side on their way back to the surgical wing of the hospital, "Busy afternoon?"
Meredith shook her head, "Just a couple small surgeries, unless something comes in," she shrugged and smiled at him as they stepped on to the elevator together, alone.
As the doors closed, Derek's hands moved to her hips, pulling her against him as his lips landed on hers, pushing her back against the wall of the elevator as she returned the kiss. Her hands moved into his hair, gripping gently as her lips parted on his, a soft moan escaping as she felt his hips pressed into hers. "I missed you," he groaned softly against her lips.
They elevator dinged as it stopped, and he reluctantly pulled back from her with a small grin as she caught her breath. As the doors opened, she pulled at her top to fix it, a grin on her lips. They stepped out of the elevator together and walked in silence a moment, stopping in front of the OR board, "Do you have plans tonight?" She asked him.
He looked down at her and she looked back at him, "No, I don't."
"Maybe you can come over after Zola has gone to sleep, she should be down around 8?" she said, biting her lower lip slightly.
He smiled and took her hand in his a moment, "I'd like that," he gave her hand a gentle squeeze before releasing it, "I have to get to surgery, I'll see you later."
She nodded and they smiled at each other one more time before he walked off in the direction of his next surgery. When she turned around to the workstation, she froze a moment seeing Richard stood there, watching her, having witnessed the interaction between her and Derek. He eyed her a moment before walking in the opposite direction, shaking his head a little, and her shoulders slumped. Caught out. She'd have that conversation with him later, though. Right now, she had a surgery to get to.
Meredith got home with Zola around six that evening. Walking in the house, she knew there was a conversation she needed to have with her daughter, and she followed her lead into the kitchen, "What do you want for dinner, Zo?"
Zola sat in a chair at the table as Meredith moved over to the fridge, inspecting what they had there to make, "Pasta, Mama."
Meredith laughed softly, "You had pasta at lunch, baby girl." She watched Zola a moment as she thought hard before offering up a suggestion, "How about sausages and potatoes?"
Zola nodded, "Yeah! Can we watch Robin tonight, Mommy?" Her daughter pleaded.
Meredith smiled with a nod as she started putting their dinner together, "Good choice, Zo." She put the chopped-up potatoes to boil and the sausages to cook while Zola sat at the table with her usual colouring book. Once she set the timer she went to go sit beside her daughter at the table, "I need to talk to you about something, Zo, is that okay?"
She waited as Zola put down the crayon she was using and turned to look at her mother, and Meredith moved her into her lap, "Yeah?"
"You remember Dr Derek, Zo?" She asked, gently pushing her hair out of her face for her as she looked down at her.
Zola nodded, "Yeah, he likes boats," she remembered with a smile.
Meredith laughed a little, "Yeah, he does. Dr Derek is Mommy's friend and I think he's going to be spending more time with us and he's going to come and see us tonight, is that okay?"
Zola thought hard for a moment, a look of concentration on her face as she did so. Meredith stayed quiet and waited for her response. Eventually, Zola just nodded and looked back up at Meredith, "He good," Zola smiled before continuing, "Derek watch Robin too?"
Meredith smiled, "Maybe, Zo, we'll see what time he gets here, okay?"
"That's okay, Mommy," Zola said with a nod before climbing out of Meredith's lap, "I play now?"
"Yeah, you can go play now," she said as she helped Zola to her feet and watched as Zola went through to the living room to sit with her doll house.
Meredith stood from the chair she sat on and continued with preparations for dinner, happy with the outcome of her talk with Zola. A part of her just wanted to tell her that Derek would be a dad to her, but she wouldn't dare be that presumptuous, especially if he could just leave again. She wouldn't do that to Zola.
Later on, that evening, it was getting close to 8 when Derek was supposed to be getting there, but Zola was still wide awake. She wasn't too bothered with Zola being awake this late as she was scheduled for a day off tomorrow and they normally had a lie in together. They sat with Zola in her lap as they watched the 1973 animated version of Robin Hood. The movie was just over half-way through, scenes of Robin and Maid Marion walking through Sherwood forest playing on the TV in front of them. She didn't have the heart to take Zola up to bed before the movie finished, it was one of her favourites. To avoid having to move Zola from her lap, she sent a quick text to Derek, 'On couch with Zo, front door is open.'
A few minutes later, she heard the front door open and turned her head to see him walking through the door, Zola still entranced by the movie and not looking to see who had walked in. Meredith smiled back at him at moved the bowl of popcorn from beside her, motioning for him to sit down in its place, "What are we watching?" He asked in a quiet voice.
Hearing his voice, Zola looked to him and patted Meredith's arm, "Mama, pause!" Meredith laughed softly and paused the film, and Zola leaned over, reaching for Derek, "Derek!" she giggled as he lifted her into his lap, "Watching Robin."
"Hey, Zo, I love this movie," Derek responded with a grin, holding her on his lap.
"Do you want some more juice, Zo?" Meredith asked her, smiling as Zola nodded with a grin, "Can I get you anything, Derek?"
"Just water, please," he said with a smile and looked back to Zola, "Shall we continue with the film, then?" Zola nodded ecstatically and Meredith passed the remote to Derek, standing up off the couch to go into the kitchen, Zola's empty juice cup in her hand.
Derek sat with Zola on his lap, and she bounced a little along to the music playing on the movie, giggling as she watched. He watches her in awe, a grin plastered on his face. As them music faded into the next scene, Meredith sat back down on the couch next to them, placing Derek's water on the coffee table in front of them. Zola moved back over into Meredith's lap, taking the juice cup from her, drinking through the straw as her eyes kept fixed on the movie. Meredith settled back into the cushions, her head resting against Derek's shoulder and Zola settled in her lap, back against her chest.
Meredith let herself doze off as Zola settled against her, the motion of Derek's fingertips lightly brushing against her skin soothing her into sleep. She jerked awake after what felt like only minutes later, the movie had ended, and Zola was asleep against her. She blinked a couple times before realising Maggie was stood looking at them from where she stood by the kitchen. She then realised Maggie and Derek were both looking at her, "Hey, Maggie," she said in a quiet voice and looked back down to Zola, "I need to take her up."
Derek's arm slid from round her as she sat up, holding Zola steady in an attempt to not wake her. "I'll wait here," Derek said quietly, staying in his spot on the couch. Meredith nodded and headed up the stairs with a sleeping Zola in her arms.
She gently lay Zola down in her bed, tucking her in a pressing a soft kiss to her forehead with a soft whisper, "Sleep tight, baby girl." Zola shifted slightly in her sleep and Meredith watched over her a moment, stood by the door, ensuring she was asleep before pulling the door to and heading back down the stairs.
She followed the noise of voices in the kitchen, stretching her neck to one side as she entered the room and sat on a chair at the table, her entrance not noticed by Maggie and Derek who were speaking at the kitchen island, "I'm just saying, don't hurt her again, or else." Maggie warned him.
Meredith laughed softly where she was sat and they both turned to look at her, "Thanks, Maggie."
Maggie just shrugged and laughed with her sister as she stood up from her stool, "I'm off to bed," Meredith stood up from her chair to give her sister a quick hug, "Speak tomorrow?" Meredith nodded, "Night, Mer."
"Night, Maggie," as Maggie left the room, Derek's arms slid around Meredith's waist and she leant back into him a moment before turning in his arms to look up at him, "Hey, sorry I thought Zola would've been asleep by the time you got here, I forgot it was movie night," she said with a laugh.
Derek shook his head and pressed his lips to hers for a second, "It's okay, really," he said with a smile and kissed her again, pulling her closer to him, "Do you want me to go? You seem pretty tired."
Meredith shook her head, "Stay, please, if you can I mean," she stretched up a pressed a soft kiss to his lips.
"Yes, I can," he took her hands in his and moved with her to the living room, sitting on the couch together.
Meredith looked down at their joined hands and gently bit her lower lip as she felt Derek's eyes on her, she spoke softly, "I think we should talk about this before we go any further."
She looked up at Derek, who was watching her with adoration as she spoke. He lifted her hands to his lips with a soft kiss against her fingers, one by one as he spoke quietly, "I know I hurt you, and I'll never forgive myself for that, and I don't expect your forgiveness anytime soon," she could feel tears start to well up in her eyes as she listened to him, and he released one hand to cup the side of her face in his palm, his thumb gently rubbing against her cheek. He continued to speak, "I will do anything to prove myself to you, and to Zola," he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers in a soft kiss.
She shuffled forward closer to him as she returned the kiss, murmuring against his lips, "Thank you, I mean, I was going to say we could talk more tomorrow when it wasn't so late," she laughed softly, "I spoke to Zola earlier, before you came round. Just, to let her know you'd be round more," she said, more of a question.
He pulled back a little to look at her as she spoke. "I'll be here as long as you'll let me," he pressed another kiss to her lips before sliding his arms around her waist and pulling her close to him.
"Maybe we should take it slow with us, and with Zola," she said, "I want her to have a father figure, I kind of hoped that would be you, but this is all too early and it wouldn't be fair on her if it didn't work out," she bit her lower lip again as she anticipated his reaction.
He watched her a moment before speaking, "Okay, first of all, we'll take this at whatever pace is comfortable to you. I'd love to be that for Zola, and we'll do whatever is best for her, okay? I'm not going to push anything on to her or to you," her eyes softened as he spoke, easing her worries, "but if you don't stop biting your lip like that then I can't make any promises," he said as he gently ran his thumb along her lower lip, releasing it from the bite of her teeth.
Meredith swallowed a little, feeling the heat rush to her cheeks as he touched her lower lip, murmuring a curse under her breath. "Thank you, I kind of thought you might run if I said that," she admitted to him.
He shook his head, "Meredith, it's been on my mind ever since I first saw the two of you together. The idea of having a family with you, that's what I want."
She looked at him with confusion a moment before speaking in a quiet voice, "Then why did you stay with Addison?"
He lowered his eyes a moment, he knew he'd have to explain himself sooner or later, and he owed this to her, "She wasn't going to sign the papers without a fight. Part of me felt like I had to try out of obligation, the other part of me…" he paused a moment before continuing, "I didn't want to make Zola's adoption any harder for you than I had to if I couldn't get an easy divorce."
Her breath caught a moment before she responded, "I didn't even think of that."
He shook his head and cupped her face with his hand, "It wasn't for you to worry about, and it still isn't something for you to worry about, okay?"
She nodded and her eyes looked over his shoulder at the clock on the wall, "It's getting late. You should stay," she said with a nod, almost as though she was telling herself more than him.
"I can stay, I have to be in early in the morning but I have a change of clothes in my car," he stood off the couch, releasing his hold from her and she stood also, acknowledging what he'd told her.
"We'd best head up to bed then," she felt like shy teenager around him, mentally chiding herself for almost biting her lip again and turned to head up the stairs with him following behind her, feeling his gaze on her behind as they walked up.
As they walked past Zola's room, Meredith popped her head in to check on the sleeping girl who was thankfully still sleeping in her own bed. Before speaking again, she went into her own room with Derek, quietly closing the door behind them, "There's a chance, a high chance, Zola might come in around three or four to climb into bed with me, so maybe keep your top on."
Derek nodded and took her hand in his as they sat on the bed beside each other, "Are you sure it's okay for me to stay?"
She looked to him with a smile and nodded, "I'm sure, honest." She stood and began undressing, again feeling his eyes on her as she pulled her top off and she looked over to him, stood only in her jeans and bra in front of the dresser, "What?"
Derek couldn't hide the hunger in his eyes as he watched her. He'd dreamt of seeing her naked again every night since, well, he'd last seen her naked. He shook his head and stood up off the bed himself, facing away from her as he undid his trousers, taking them off and laying them on the chair by her bedroom window.
She laughed and shook her head, muttering under her breath, "Men." She'd just changed into her top and shorts when she felt his arms around her again.
His lips moved close to her ear and murmured softly, his hot breath sending chills down her spine, "No, Meredith, not men. You are beautiful, and seeing you again, here, it's better than any dream," she turned in his arms with a soft grin, a slight blush on her cheeks as his words registered to her. He pressed his lips against hers once and picked her up in his arms, her legs wrapping around his waist, earning an involuntary groan from him as he felt her press against him and her arms wrapped around his neck, pressing her lips hard against his.
As their lips parted, he set her down on her back on the bed, hovering over her with his legs between hers. Her legs unwrapped from around him and she pulled her arms back, biting her lip gently. He looked at her and shook his head, "Didn't you hear what I just said?"
She laughed softly and realised her involuntary action, releasing her bottom lip, "I'm sorry, I didn't even realise I was doing it."
He leaned down and gave her one more kiss before moving to lay beside her and they both got under the covers. She shuffled up close to him, her back against his chest and he moved his arm over her waist, holding her close to him. His nose nuzzled into her hair and pressed a soft kiss against the top of her head, "I love you, Meredith."
She smiled as her eyes closed, just now realising how tired she was and spoke in a quiet voice, "I love you too, Derek," she finished with a soft yawn and he squeezed his arm around her gently as she dozed off, following her into sleep soon after.
Got a long list of ex-lovers, they'll tell you I'm insane, but I got a blank space, baby, and I'll write your name.
Blank Space - Taylor Swift