When it feels like this, like a light came on, and you look at me, like I'm all you want.
"Zola wanted to know if you wanted to be her Dad."
Her words had him stood there in shock, looking at her. Had she said what he thought she'd said? Had he misheard her?
When he didn't say anything, she looked up at him to find he was watching her, clearly unsure what to say. She raised an eyebrow at him, "Derek?"
His attention was taken by the pancake that had started to burn in the pan and he muttered under his breath, "Crap," as he went to scrape it into the bin and she looked on in concern, but also slight amusement.
"Are you okay?" She asked, standing to walk around the kitchen island to him as he put the pan down and turned off the gas stove. "I just, I wanted to ask first and I don't know how it'll affect the adoption or anything like that," she could feel herself starting to ramble and stopped herself, "She was scared you wouldn't want to."
His hands rested on her waist as he looked at her, grinning softly, "Of course I want to, Meredith. And don't worry, we'll work it out, don't worry about that," he pressed a soft kiss to her lips.
She let her lips linger on his for a moment before speaking again, "Maybe you could move in, if you wanted to, I mean. Or we could find somewhere together," she suggested.
"Now you're just beating me to the punch," he grinned at the confusion on her face and continued, "I have all that land, you see, I haven't taken you there yet, but I want to build a house there for us, if you want to."
"You want to build us a house?" She said in almost disbelief.
He nodded as he watched her mull it over, "I want forever with you, Meredith," his arms moved around her around as he pulled her closer to him and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
They were interrupted when Zola wandered into the kitchen, asking for Meredith, "Mama, hungry!"
Meredith turned to look at her, having momentarily forgotten that Derek was making them breakfast and she pulled away from Derek to lift Zola up into her arms, "Almost ready, Zo."
"You're just in time Zola," Derek told her as he took a plate of pancakes ready for Zola to eat over to the table, setting them in front of the chair she normally sat at.
Zola clapped her hands and grinned as Meredith set her down in her seat, "Thanks, Derek," she said to him before starting to eat the cut-up pieces of pancake with her hands.
"You're welcome, Zola," he leaned down to press a kiss to the top of her head as she ate, causing her to giggle. He moved over to where Meredith stood, leaning against the counter watching Zola. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders as she leaned into his side with a soft sigh.
She spoke in a quiet voice, "I want forever with you, too."
The three of them spent the day mostly indoors. After lunch, they took Zola on a walk down to the nearby park, where she spent time being pushed by Derek on the swings, followed by a walk down to the small lake to feed the ducks. By the time they got back, Zola was asleep being carried by Derek who set her down on the couch when they got back, pulling a small blanket over her.
Meredith took the time to tidy up Zola's toys from around the living room while Derek cleaned up from breakfast and lunch in the kitchen. When Meredith took a few cups from the living room into the kitchen, she placed them beside the sink where Derek was washing up, "You do know I own a dishwasher, right?"
He laughed softly and rolled his eyes, both keeping their voices relatively low to avoid waking Zola up, "Yes, I am aware." He took his hands out of the washing up bowl, drying them on a tea towel before wrapping his arms around her middle, planting a kiss to her lips.
She grinned softly against his lips as she returned his kiss, her hands sliding over his shoulders and linking at the base of his neck. She giggled softly and tilted her head to the side as his lips moved to kiss down her neck slowly. His lips found their way to just below her ear and he whispered softly, "Have you thought more about what I said?"
She nodded and looked back to him, still in his hold, "I think that we should take this step, by step. Even if the steps are little bit out of order," she gently bit her lower lip as he took in what she was saying.
"You're right, it's a lot for one day. Let's focus on Zola and then we'll take it from there?" He suggested, his eyes darting between hers and the lip trapped by her teeth.
She moved closer to him, her body slightly pressed into his and he held he tightened his hold on her as her face buried against his neck with a soft murmur, "Thank you."
He pressed a soft kiss to her hair and murmured back, "I'm not going anywhere, Meredith, we can do this at your pace."
When Meredith ended up getting a call from the hospital just before she was about to start getting Zola ready for bed, and ended up being called into the hospital for an emergent issue with one of her patients, Derek stayed to look after Zola and go through her night-time routine. He reassured Meredith multiple times that they would both be okay if she went, and she checked with Zola who was more than happy for Derek to look after her.
"Okay, Zo, I'm going now, be good for Derek okay?" She said, giving Zola one last hug before she left.
"I'm good, Mommy!" Zola giggled and it warmed Meredith's heart.
"I know you are, baby, maybe you need to look after Derek?" She teased, pressing a kiss to her cheek.
Just as she went to pull away, Zola clung to her jacket to pull her back and whispered, or so she thought, to Meredith, "You ask Derek?"
Meredith nodded, giving her daughter one last squeeze as she spoke quietly to her, "Yes, I did. You can ask, okay?"
Zola giggled and nodded as she pulled back from Meredith who stood back up, giving Derek a kiss on the cheek, "Call me if you need anything."
"I know, now go, we'll be fine," Derek laughed softly and squeezed her hand gently before Meredith left the door. He looked down at Zola who was looking up at him, "Let's get ready for bed then." He leaned down and lifted her into his arms.
She nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning sleepily against him. He carried her up the stairs to her room and set her down on the bed. As instructed by Meredith, he grabbed a set of pyjamas out of her top drawer and helped her change into them. She climbed off the bed and led him through to the bedroom where he helped her with brushing her teeth. She reached up for him to lift her and he obliged as she spoke, "Milk, please."
"And then story time?" He asked as he carried her down the stairs to the kitchen, keeping her held on his waist as he got a clean sippy cup for her, pouring it halfway with milk before securing the lid and giving it to Zola to hold. She took it without argument and started to drink from it as they went back up the stairs and into Zola's room, "Which story, Zo?"
She wriggled a little and he set her down, watching a she went over to her bookcase, drink in one hand as she examined them before pulling one out and raising it up to him, "Read in Mommy's bed," she requested.
Derek thought a moment before nodding, "Okay, Zo," he took the book from her and she grinned, walking ahead of him into Meredith's room and climbing up onto the bed. He helped her up before sitting on the bed with her where she crawled into his lap. He opened the book in front of her with one arm around her, starting to read.
Around half-way through the book, Zola stopped Derek, looking up at him, "Do you want to be my daddy, Derek?"
He looked down at her, his mind going back to the conversation earlier with Meredith. He grinned softly and nodded, "I do want to be your daddy, Zola," he could feel his heart swelling with emotion. Zola simply nodded and turned back to the book, patting the page with her hand to indicate that he continues to read while she drank her milk.
He lay back against the headboard so that she was lay back against his chest while he continued reading the book to her. When the book was almost finished, his eyes glances to her to see that she had almost fallen asleep against him. By the time he finished the book, she was in a deep sleep and he moved the cup that had fallen onto his lap to put it on the side table.
Being careful not to jostle her too much, he moved her to lay her in the bed beside him, pulling the duvet up around her as she shifted in her sleep, curling up on her side. He was watching her with a proud smile when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out to find a message from Meredith.
Everything okay?
He couldn't help but smile at the message. He thought a moment before deciding to take a picture of a sleeping Zola to send to her, writing a message beneath. All good here. She replied less than a minute later.
Good, I'm just heading into surgery, should be back around midnight if all goes well.
He replied to let her know not to rush and that he'd see her when she got back and set his phone on the side table before getting up to go downstairs, locking the front door and turning out the lights before heading back up to the bedroom. He figured he might as well try and get some sleep now while waiting for Meredith. He also didn't want to leave Zola on her own in case she woke up. He turned off the light in the bedroom before climbing into the bed, careful not to disturb Zola, and found it a lot easier to fall asleep than he thought he would.
I got everything, at my fingertips. How can I resist, when it feels like this?
Feels Like This – Maisie Peters.