Disclaimer: I do not own Jackie Chan Adventures, Teen Titans, or Batman.
Betaed by: Zim'smostloyalservant
A Shadow of the Titans
Created by
Nocturne No Kitsune
Written by
Eduard Kassel
Chaper 14
Joke's on Her (Part 2)
Or
Punchline
Jade took her seat in a cleared portion of the warehouse Joker had designated for this meeting. Apparently he had done enough "cooking" that getting Harley back now meant he was prepared to actually share this plan he had needed extra hands for.
"Okay then kids, pay attention," Joker commanded. Jade and Harley were seated in school style desks Joker had set up sometime during the night. And Harley had donned a schoolgirl outfit, except for her jester's hat. Well, cosplay of a schoolgirl anyway.
'I call teacher's pet,' Harley had greeted Jade over breakfast when Jade first saw the clown girl today. Ugh, the famous villainess might be friendly, but Jade had resolved to get some breathing room with the crazy fangirl.
"Lay it on, teach, we have a yearning for learning!" Harley cheered. Jade said nothing, just ready to take notes, wearing her Zhu Chan outfit. No way she was going to wear an outfit like that, even without the, ugh, modifications Harley had made.
"Very good, love the enthusiasm. But raise your hand before talking! This is education, not a rock concert!" Joker snapped.
"Sorry, Mistuh J."
WHACK
"What did I just say about raising your hand?" Joker demanded.
Harley raised her hand, rubbing her scalp wth the other hand.
"No questions at this time. Now, award season is upon us once again. And the Gotham Academy of Stage Performance has once again showed that such bodies are woefully out of touch with the reality of the times. So caught up in their status and precedents that they manage to offend both Joe and Jane Six Pack and the true artistic visionaries. Namely, they have not given Gotham's most well-known master of comedy, the performance piece, and improv etc., so much as an honorable mention in their lineup. Clearly it's time to clean out the old rots and let a breath of fresh air blow through the rubble.
"But that's not all, folks. That very same night, one of Gotham's most affluent families is throwing a high society wedding across town. To party and revel while the arts are being so dishonored, tsk tsk. So in short, we are launching a two-pronged attack on the stuck-up so-called artists and the high society that keeps them in fish eggs and other disgusting rich people food. Really, you'd think they could afford a decent hamburger.
"Now, questions?" Joker asked, having finished writing that outline and a uselessly vague map drawn on the board.
"So, hostage situation?" Jade asked, raising her hand.
"More like robbery. Though we will leave plenty of carnage for Bats to deal with. Hence the cooking I've been doing. A little two part number — the first one will leave them unable to so much as blink but lets them move their eyes, and doesn't give them a wit of tipsiness. They're going be wide awake and stone sober for my performance. Harley, you'll be hitting those entitled geezers and straw hipsters in the jewels. Zuzu, you'll be wedding crashing."
Joker then went over the actual specifics, such as showing his gas bombs and blueprints of the buildings to make sure they hit right, etc. Jade supposed this was why the Joker was dangerous; the methodology mixed with his madness.
When he asked for final questions, Jade raised her hand.
"So what's the second gas for?"
Joker grinned turning back to the board, "That's the one to kill them all, and the real kicker is that it's flammable and has a delayed timer ignition. So even if Bats manages to get everyone a mask or keep the gas from their persons, the whole place will still go up. KABOOM HAHAHAHA! That right there is a real punchline. The kind they don't get up from."
"Woohoo!" Harley Quinn cheered. That settled it, Jade thought, glad that her face was hidden; she officially did not like the mass murder fangirl. This was a house of wackos, and she said that having become accustomed to the HIVE lunch room.
She wondered what Jinx was up to. Probably just what she was doing before Jade fell into this world.
H.I.V.E.:
The HIVE Honor Roll were seated at their usual table in the cafeteria, having lunch. Well, the boys were, at any rate — Jinx, bandages still wrapped around one side of her head and covered by an eye-patch, sat slumped, leaning on one elbow while she idly tapped the tabletop with her free hand.
"Would you quit sulking already? It's bugging me," Gizmo muttered at her, earning him a glare from Jinx's good eye.
"First of all, don't use the word 'bug' ever again, not after what happened," she said firmly, "Secondly, I've lost a damn eye, and my mystic biology stuff is making my body reject any replacements, so I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to sulk!"
Seeing his teammates about to come to blows, and honestly more concerned about that interrupting his meal than anything, Mammoth chose to cut in with a change of subject.
"You guys hear about the new Meta who helped out the Titans in that mine robbery?" he asked, catching the others' attention.
"You mean that blonde geokinetic?" Jinx asked, "Yeah, but rumor is she took off right afterwards. I guess Bird Boy's recruitment skills aren't up to snuff."
"Know what I heard? That the robbery was Slade getting back in the game," Gizmo added quietly, he and the others shuddering at the thought of the masked mastermind; none would ever admit it out loud, but being in his presence had been the most intimidating moment of any of their lives. And that included the moment the Oni King had summoned freaking armies right in the center of the old HIVE.
"How'd someone that powerful slip through the cracks these days, anyway?" Mammoth remarked. The other two weren't sure if he was talking about the girl or Slade, but decided it didn't matter.
"Easy, the cracks just get deeper. There's always going to be shadows for people to dive into, no matter how many and bright the lights there are," Gizmo answered. The three nodded to that. For villains, after all, a truly secure, monitored, world was a terror that was pitiable to even think about.
"Still, maybe the Titans are looking to expand their roster? We really need to up our game. Look how an unknown blindsided us," Jinx's words brought a snicker from Gizmo, and Mammoth looked at her, wondering if she was trying to joke. Scowling, Jinx subconsciously stroked the pale pink eyepatch she now wore.
"Jinx," the fish face, whose name none of them had bothered to learn, said. He had walked up to their table, holding a black and grey gift box.
"Several of the students were impressed to hear you held out against hard-ball interrogation from a crazy bug out of nowhere. You really showed what the Honor Roll is made of and reminded us of HIVE standards. So, a bunch of us chipped in and got you a present," he explained, holding out the box.
Jinx frowned, looking at the black box with its grey bow on top. This could be a trap, but on the other hand she really wanted some vindication and affirmation of her greatness after that defeat. Taking the box silently, she undid the bow and lifted the lid off, and with a frown lifted the gift out.
Gizmo and Mammoth stared, before practically falling out of their chairs laughing. Fish Face snickered, and Jinx held the elegant and finely-crafted pirate captain hat, complete with a jolly roger painted on it and a pink feather matching her hair adorning it.
"We suggest rebranding yourself to roll with the punches," Fish Face commented though barely repressed chuckles.
Jinx's frown slowly twisted into a smile, putting the hat on and her remaining eye igniting in pink glow.
"Die," she ground out, before the explosions started.
X X X
Jinx dusted herself off and accepted the bill for the damage to the food court from the robot. She'd look at the damage later, for now she'd needed that.
Given Brother Blood's smiling reaction to her report on the ambush, she had not bothered to ask about warning Blue. Jinx had no way to contact her teammate, and either Blue couldn't contact her or was not allowed. Jinx could only hope the Joker had invested in an oversized bug zapper at some point, because it was too much to hope that freak would get lost in the twists of Gotham.
Villains didn't have that kind of luck.
Gotham City:
Get out there and earn her keep. The way that clown ordered her around really rubbed her the wrong away, Jade thought as she plunged in and out of shadows and slowly flew, eating up distance.
Taking orders was one thing, but his management was as bipolar as he seemed to be. One minute he was all free-style, the next it was control freak. First he asked her to cook up something to contribute, then when she had actually set up a budget lab, he took one look and decided he didn't need amateur hour dragging down his performance. So then he commanded her to get out and make some money.
She wondered if this was what it was like for real interns and employees. No wonder so many adults were grumpy drunks and addicts, this sucked.
So, if he was going to half-ass managing her, she wouldn't break a sweat more than needed satisfying him. So, quick money turn around with low risk.
This city would likely have tons of low-hanging fruit she could fill her basket with. But Jade had already picked her target. And it was high enough profile the Joker surely wouldn't complain.
Getting here had been more difficult than expected. It was a bit unnerving how the suburbs gave way to a more wooded area so quickly. Was this whole area "go away, green space for the rich"? Well, she had a nice shadow back in the build up picked out to jump back to when she was done.
For now, though, it was time to rob from the rich, to get the clown off her case.
"Nothing personal, Mr. Wayne, but we both know you can afford it," Jade said as she floated up and over the gate of stately Wayne Manor, shadows pulled around her in the night.
X X X
"Well, isn't this interesting?" Alfred Pennyworth remarked, looking at the screen, which had already stripped away assorted layers to reveal the young lady who seemed intent on breaking and entering. She, of course, was familiar — he kept well-informed of the goings on with all the master's charges. And in this case, he had been consulted by said young man on both the future and the impact of past actions revolving around this girl.
He disarmed all the Batman security measures with a few keystrokes, leaving only the Bruce Wayne level defenses up. Checking himself over, he turned to leave the room, guessing on her approach where she would enter.
Wayne Manor had a reputation of hospitality to wayward youth to uphold, after all.
X X X
"So, dog art, huh?" Jade said, examining some paintings in a gallery by the light of the moon filtering in. And some sculptures. It occurred to her most of the mansions she had been in in her life were abandoned, or museums. This place seemed to exist mainly to display… stuff. It didn't exactly feel like a home. This parlor or whatever for example; she couldn't quite imagine Bruce Wayne sitting in one of these fancy stuffed chairs reading a book or something.
But more relevantly, it also left her a bit stumped on where to start, with so much fancy stuff, so stealable.
"…You know, it occurs to me I should be better at assessing, all things considered. Well, Jinx always said you can't go wrong grabbing jewelry. Wayne may not be that kind of guy, but he probably has a treasure chest or such of the stuff somewhere for when he brings his latest threesome home. But, where exactly?" Jade wondered. It occurred to her with Wayne not home apparently, that even if his good stuff was poorly hidden, this place was so stupid big it would still be hard to find.
"Stupid Gotham, why do you make everything so hard?" Jade grumbled.
Then the lights flicked on.
"Good evening, young lady, may I be of assistance?" the butler said.
He had to be the butler. The accent, the outfit, the mustache and balding but immaculate white hair. Seriously, a dictionary with pictures should enter this guy for butler.
"Umm, I am robbing the place?" Jade asked. It occurred to her that in a world like this, rich people might invite strange people into their house for all sorts of weird stuff. Eww, that took a turn she didn't appreciate, but the point remained she wanted to be clear rather than lead on the help.
"So I inferred. Alfred Pennyworth at your service, may I ask who I am addressing this evening?" the butler introduced himself with unerring courtesy.
"…Zhu Chan, student villain. Stealing your stuff?" she answered, pulling her hood back, as if looking at him unobstructed would grant some insight.
"To be clear, it is not my 'stuff', as you put it. With the exception of my own quarters, it is advisable to consider everything in the mansion and grounds Master Wayne's."
"Oh, is this some kind of rage quit? You get back at your boss by helping someone rob the place while having an airtight alibi as a hostage situation?" Jade asked.
"No. If the mansion is to be robbed, I would sooner it be robbed in an orderly and efficient manner. You seek a 'payday', I assume, not destruction. So in exchange for your cooperation, I shall see to it you are well stocked on your departure and steer you away from items of sentimental value that Master Bruce would miss. As for the rest, it is either replaceable, or we will simply purchase it back from the black market," the butler calmly explained.
"Umm… Have you done this before?" Jade asked. This guy seemed way too unflustered.
"I hardly think that is relevant. What matters is that I cannot stop you at this point, and I will trust to a certain honor that you will not paint this house as an 'easy mark' to your fellow delinquents. So, shall I see you to the 'treasure chest', or would you rather flail about in the dark stuffing dog art and silver of dubious quality into that burlap bag?"
Jade suddenly felt rather self-conscious about the bag hanging from her waist, and followed the man out of the room.
Soon enough, Jade was loading up silver which Alfred assured her had not been used since Thomas Wayne had been debating the merits of mustache vs clean shaven. The age made it valuable craftsmanship, but he was rather certain his master did not know it existed.
If he felt raw about it, they could just buy it back if it went to any presentable broker for stolen goods. Apparently in this crazy world, having a freaking ton of money was like a super power. It made Jade wonder if Lex Luthor was really as smart as everyone said, or was he a more normal genius scientist who just threw lots of money to have a bunch of "people" to supply or assist him with all the tech.
Anyway, Alfred insisted on her being careful, as scratching it up was no good, so she was putting it in cardboard boxes he provided and coating it with shadows before stowing it in the Shadow Realm. Oddly, the place seemed rather resistant to magic, which the butler waved off as with its long history likely one of the Waynes had a seance phase or some such.
"I just want you to know that this is the strangest robbery I have ever done," Jade told him as she dropped some packing peanuts into the box before closing it.
"I will take that as a compliment. May I be so bold as to ask a question?" Alfred asked.
"Dude, you are the most helpful kind of hostage ever without any Stockholm weirdness involved. Ask away," Jade waved off, looking over her spread of boxes.
"You seem a hard-working and reasonably intelligent lady, with an apparent range of talents, mystical and physical. Why would you turn to a life of crime?" he inquired.
"…First off, I may be doing the villain thing now, but it's not a 'life' of crime, there is a before and after to this. Secondly, as you may not have noticed from this fine perch, this world kind of sucks," Jade answered, lifting her face to look at him.
"Ah, so you are one of those, from another world then? I assume not another planet per say, with your magic background, but rather another realm or dimension?"
"Yeah. For instance, we would not have that question where I come from. This place is a mess of stuff that seems like it shouldn't come together without exploding or something, yet works, albeit poorly," Jade answered. Alfred nodded, glancing to the side at a window with the city lights visible before responding.
"Yes, it does seem the world is stranger all the time to me. Though it may just be getting old-"
"It isn't. The kids are wrong, and you are right to think it's crazy out there," Jade broke in with a good bit more heat than she intended.
"…"
"Sorry for interrupting. Anyway, my point is, this world is not a place I am going to stick around for. It's got its cool parts, definitely, but once I can I'm going home and this will just be a story to tell and maybe not be believed," Jade explained.
"Oh dear, so you simply think that because you can get away with it there won't be consequences?" Alfred sighed.
"What, you think Batman's going to cross dimensions just to bring me back to go to jail?" Jade snarked.
"For those of conscience, the greatest punishments are those inflicted as result of their actions to themselves, not the retribution of others," the butler said as Jade started to send the load of swag to the Shadow Realm.
"…Listen, you're a nice guy, but the one good thing about being out of the HIVE for now is not having to sit through lectures. And frankly, it's not like you know anything about all the Super stuff, having to babysit Gotham's richest man," Jade pointed out. She was not caring for this chat anymore.
"Indeed, I suppose I don't know anything about what it's like for those who put on strange outfits to pick fights with other oddly-dressed people, people smartly dressed, and monsters of all shapes and sizes," Alfred remarked with an odd tone that went over Jade's head.
"That's right, stay sane and know your role," Jade assured him.
X X X
Soon enough, the girl was gone into the shadows with her plunder, and Alfred sighed. What a mess she was in. For the next hour and twenty minutes, he made sure to do nothing odd in case she was watching somehow, then activated the various countermeasures against the mystic that Miss Zatanna and others had put in place. From there, it was a short trip to the Bat Cave, where his phone call was rendered moot by a chime announcing the imminent arrival of the Batmobile.
"Well, for once, I may have had the more interesting evening," Alfred remarked, preparing to greet the master's return.
X X X
Another night, and another errand for the Joker. This time she was just supposed to stick some letters where instructed. One under a flower pot on a certain building's roof with an anarchy A painted on it. Another under a welcome mat with the Easter Bunny on a back alley door there. Stuff like that.
Jade didn't know and didn't want to know who the Joker was talking to.
With only one letter left, the flower pot one, she paused on a tenement style rooftop and took out an apple, taking a bite and taking in the view.
"Jade, it's beautiful, isn't it?" Queen said.
Jade didn't take her eyes off the cityscape; whether it was in her head or the Queen was behind her whispering in her ear was trivial, she decided. Besides, ignoring her might get her to go away.
"No, still ugly. The rotten parts just make the good parts… strange," Jade answered. Yeah, ignoring people had never been her strong suit.
"Missing the music for the concert, I see," the Queen chuckled, "It's the shadows you should be watching. Listening and feeling. Not the city attached to them."
"…"
"But of course you can do all of that. You're just lying. I don't really have a problem with lying, great skill for life, vital to manners, and diplomacy. Not to mention self-preservation. But lying and honesty, they both come with a cost, Jade. Are you willing to pay the cost of denying yourself? You might pull it off, we can do a lot after all. But the cost, love it or hate it; you must pay it.
"When you chose to wager everything to save Jinx from Raven's spell, the cost was a choice. Embrace me, or accept the outcome of that magic running its course. You paid the price and lost yourself, Jade. You didn't get it back, it was given by others. That was your loss, every step. When I betrayed Tarakudo, I knew the risk of the price, but I willingly paid it for the chance that we could be reunited.
"At first I thought this was Gotham, these feelings. That the shadows here are better, somehow. But now I don't think it's about Jump vs Gotham for shadow quality. It's what we expected. Big Red thought the time was close, the change to the next stage of being a High Shadowkhan. And here we are, but it's not like human puberty, ready or not! No, this is more sadistic. You need to grasp it, knowing there is no undoing it. We were used to Jump, we couldn't see the truth of the situation caught in expectations and habits. But dreading this place, we could see what we didn't know to be afraid of clearly.
"Things are changing; me as well. I've gone on about you becoming me, but I think my pure darkness is also corrupted these days. My apathy for the Joker's potential is nonexistent; I worry about the consequences, and not just for us. Even wishing Jinx were here. Doesn't it make sense? After all, why can't good corrupt evil, light corrupt darkness?
"We are close, Jade, close to many things there will be no undoing. And this, right here, it's power. POWER, Jade."
Jade rolled her eyes.
"And power corrupts. Really? All this time and you still think you can talk me into fusing with you? It's repetitive. Why don't you try something-" Jade cut off as she turned around. She had expected to be confronted with an empty rooftop, an unsettling reminder of the Queen existing in her head. Possibly with silence causing her to doubt her sanity a bit.
She didn't expect the Queen's head atop a wispy pole of shadow to be, right there. Almost touching noses with her.
"This isn't about fusion. Fusion requires you accepting me. And that may not require some big moment of 'Let me be evil', I think now. It may just be as simple as one day you find yourself comfortable with the stuff you put on me, and try to find this voice in your head and realize it's just your own echoing around the eldritch corridors.
"This power, it's dark. But so is Raven's, and her place on the alignment chart is pretty secure, I'd say. Heck, look at Batman, being all dark and scary vigilante. Yes, this power could corrupt, but will it corrupt you any more than what you have now on its own? This situation you're in… you may be a victim of circumstance, but you've also dropped plenty of balls yourself.
"And the reason you refused me then, and want to refuse this power now, is so you can have some big 'bad thing you didn't do' so you can claim to be the misunderstood hero forced into villainy despite all the 'lesser evils' you've chosen to do. You need me to be the bad guy because if I weren't here, you might have to admit you might be the bad guy without me to be morally superior to. You need to shove me into this role, a part of yourself that just wants to go back to us being one, just like all the times you tried to strong arm Uncle Jackie into greatness he didn't want. Which is way hypocritical, by the way, with how you resent other people trying to force you into a mold."
"DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT JACKIE!" Jade roared. In one motion, she drew her scissors from Jinx and enlarged them, slashing trough the Queen's head, trailing shadow.
"EEEKKK!" The Queen cried, and Jade staggered, grabbing her face.
"What the?" Jade cursed, blinking at her hand, which despite the pain wasn't slick with blood.
"So close, Jade. Guess I underestimated how much we are willing to hurt ourselves," The Queen said, retracting towards Jade's feet, her face trying to come back together.
"That's different…" Jade mumbled.
"Hrh, changes, Jade. You can't kill me, but I guess if you really want to you can hurt me. But it's not your light that did that, you realize?"
"…"
"Fair warning, plain and simple before I go back to where you push me out of sight. This power may not be evil, but it is powerful. If you wait to harness it, it could make all the difference between taking it sip by sip at your pace, and having to guzzle it down in an emergency to who knows what consequences. Please choose wisely — if I ever had the power to choose for you, it's clear that's already gone," the Queen whispered, each word laced with pain.
Soon enough, Jade was alone on the rooftop, with the shadows singing and dancing at the edge of her senses, yet so close at the same time.
X X X
Batman walked out onto the balcony, leaving the adjourned board members to their talks and taking in the dreary day. The weather wasn't bad for this time of year in Gotham. The city was lively, even a recent Arkham breakout did relatively little to dampen the mood.
Was that inspirational as determination against violence and chaos? Or depressing as either apathy to impending doom or simply being conditioned to accept the Sword of Damocles as a matter of normalcy?
The Joker was, of course, planning something. But for all he played his plots loudly, the Joker was highly skilled at vanishing and moving silently in his preparations. One of the many contradictions the clown took pride in, a silent build up followed by a roaring performance fit to rattle the screws out of the rafters.
And it wasn't just him Batman was worried about. Zhu Chan, that strange girl from another dimension with magic deeply woven into her being. He had pressed the League that they get more information out of her when the girl was in their custody, but the others had been more wary about pressing a child. Perhaps he was insensitive to a degree on her condition, but the fact was they still knew so little about her and her motives and capabilities, despite having had a chance to learn more.
And then Alfred had gone and gotten him a better analysis than the League experts and the Titans from one hostage/robbery situation. Alfred described himself as just an ordinary man in extraordinary circumstances; if that was the case, society severely undervalued what ordinary men were capable of doing given the opportunity.
Batman was pleased that his more optimistic view of the girl seemed to be supported by Alfred's observations. But given what had happened, convincing her to trust an offer of sanctuary would be difficult.
Assuming he could find her in the first place. She seemed too smart to get caught up with Gotham's most wanted. And if she was still with the HIVE, she might already be back to the other coast with her Arkham breakout having been fulfilled. After all, Blood was clearly determined to rise in power using the HIVE; putting an asset like Zhu Chan at the mercy of the Joker would not only risk losing her, but undermine what passed for loyalty in the HIVE with such sadism.
The departure theory might be for the best. While Gotham was his city to defend, and therefore he believed in it, he'd be a fool not to admit it could bring out the worst in people.
X X X
Jade found herself out on the town again tonight. Casually walking across rooftops to then float to the the next one. She wondered if her sheer nonchalance was keeping Batman and others at bay?
And when had free time become something she hated, Jade wondered, forcing her face out of the scowl she'd been wearing for a block. Probably since it became time to stress out over the coming job and the ticking time bomb that was the Joker. Work, at least, she could be occupied with. And breaks could be spent heading to the Shadow Realm, letting that potent atmosphere take the edge off everything for awhile, get a nap, nibble on some of the local fruit.
But yeah, tonight Harley had kicked her out early in the evening, declaring it an adult night and not to come back till morning. And not come back until noon if there was a red tie on the doorknob.
Yeah, Jade did not want to think on that. But a whole night spent in the Shadow Realm plus the day sleeping might be dangerous. And she didn't feel like robbing anyone. True, it was unlikely that she would meet any other annoyingly perceptive yet cooperative nice butlers, but her head didn't need more to deal with.
Wasn't there anywhere a girl on the lam could go to kill some hours and not be put on the spot for being a registered villain?
The answer was yes, and she was nearly there.
The Iceberg. The one and only.
Sure, there were certainly thug pubs and such in Gotham, but it wasn't like she knew where they were, much less which ones wouldn't leave her wanting to beat up everyone else there. She could ask Harley Quinn, but frankly she did not want to interact with the psycho's fangirl anymore than needed. Besides, if she was going to do this, why not go big for a bit of a thrill at least?
That being said, Jade thought, looking the building over from across the street, it would only be smart to check out the place as best she could from outside.
X X X
Jade woke with a splitting headache. Eyes scrunched shut, she tried to recall what hit her. Yeah, she'd been about to set down on the Iceberg's roof… And was she in a bed?
Eyes snapping open, Jade went to take stock of her surroundings. Only for her attention to be seized by a man at her bedside, a man wearing purple robes that reminded her of a Chinese monk, with a white cloth mask pulled over his head, with a character for Heaven painted over his face in a red-brown color she was rather familiar with. And he was holding a length of beads and working them through his fingers.
"Ah, awake on schedule, once again you prove your worth. Well done," a man happily chortled.
Jade looked towards the source of the voice, and found a man sitting on a chair nearby. Short and rotund, with a pointy nose, wearing a nice suit, top hat, and monocle, and holding an umbrella-
Oh, crap.
"So, little birdie, care to explain why you were trying to sneak into my property?" the Penguin asked, a friendly smile on his face but a dangerous glint in his eyes.
"What? I wasn't trying to sneak anywhere, I was checking the place out before coming in normally, and then something knocked me out," Jade protested. Seriously, how bad was her luck that she'd somehow angered one of the biggest crime bosses in Gotham without even doing anything?
"All magical beings are required to enter through the main doors, or my defenses will render them unconscious," the Penguin replied, "Those have been the rules for years. Everyone in Gotham knows that."
"Yeah, well I've only been in town for a few days, and most of that's been stuck hanging around the Joker, and he's not much for the whole 'telling people the rules' thing," Jade said with a scowl, earning an arched eyebrow from Penguin.
"Hmm, I sense a story here. Start at the beginning," he ordered.
And it was an order, Jade knew. His tone was pleasant, but his eyes were sharper now. Because of the clown, no doubt. Anything tied to the Joker likely went up at least one mark in his threat meter, she'd guess. Still, that slip-up was probably a good thing; no temptation to try and cover that fact up and get caught lying later.
So, she told him the truth, omitting any sensitive data, including the Joker's. She wasn't going to wager her poker face against a normal human who had managed to not only become one of the most noted Rogues, but somehow retire and enter a legal grey area that let him live a lot like a normal rich guy. Basic lesson of the Super community — any chump can survive and thrive by being overpowered, but anyone who stays near the top without any big magic, big powers, or super tech, was someone that was not to be messed with because of who they are.
So she disclosed without any shame, and he listened, asking two questions in total, polite little things. And when she was done, he rubbed his chin and considered her.
"You're most unfortunate to work with the clown. I can see why Brother Blood might consider you a sacrifice, but frankly his record as head of the HIVE makes me inclined to doubt any legitimacy in his reasoning. Such a sad fact that all it takes is a single unworthy leader to see a once-respected establishment enter decline," he sighed, shaking his head.
"So what now, sir?" Jade asked. His smile seemed a tad more genuine at that, if only a tad.
"Ah, respectful youth; always refreshing. Now, young Zhu Chan, I will regard your trespass as the innocent mistake of a new arrival, and as such I welcome you to the Iceberg Lounge's Black Velvet service. I can call a staff member to escort you to a table if you want to place an order, or perhaps you prefer to mingle with the other BV patrons? My personal recommendation is that you might want to discuss with our appraisers the stolen goods you mentioned in passing. We offer a discount on all food, drinks, and other services for all business partners. No sense leaving money on the table, after all," he explained with the polished charm of a showman and businessman, performing on the stage of his choice.
Really, what was there to do but go along? The show of benevolence he was putting on was good, but she knew who and what he was. If he wanted her to do business before pleasure, it wasn't worth getting him sour over disagreeing.
As she agreed and a woman wearing a bowler hat and what looked like a Playboy bunny outfit minus the bunny parts showed her out, Jade reflected on whether she was cooperating too easily with villain types these days.
X X X
Pulling her plunder out of the Shadow Realm, with supervision by the creepy mystic, the deal went down quicker than Jade expected. And the money! Packs of legal tender far more than what she would get from the HIVE.
Which left her now facing, the Black Velvet Section. The portion of the Iceberg unofficially set aside for villains and those who either wanted to do business with them, or those strange thrill seekers who paid for a ringside spectator seat to monsters at their business or leisure.
Jade wished the place had lower lighting, or booths.
Okay, she did not like the Iceberg, she would admit it in her head. She was too exposed out here, standing out too much in this immaculate environment. At least in places like the bar in the HIVE or other villain hangouts in Jump, she could casually blend into the surroundings. Here, she felt like she'd been dragged to some fancy party where she had avoided getting fancied up, but then realized she stuck out like a sore thumb as a result.
And the prices on this menu! She shuddered to think of how they would charge for any customizing to make it real tasty. The fact she was honestly thinking lobster with bleach sauce, garnished with steel shavings and rosewood chips would be neat, made her plant her head on the table.
"Well, at least the tablecloths are soft, smell nice too," Jade noted, her nose pressed into the material.
"Would the young miss like to see the wine menu?" the waiter asked. He was the picture perfect example; no French accent, but that mustache and posture!
"No thanks, don't feel like getting banned. …meh, I might as well order something. Bring me something that doesn't have onions, and some silverware you don't mind losing," Jade grumbled at the server.
X X X
Well, this was it. Joker's plan was now in motion.
To Jade's dislike but lack of surprise, Joker had opted out of the main event to oversee her attack on the wedding. He said the academy stage did not deserve to be graced by a man of his prestige anyway. And after telling her in no uncertain terms that Penguin had shortchanged her on the fencing, he had declared she needed adult supervision.
Jade looked down from the roof as some limo drove off. Someone canceled at the last moment, eh? Well, whoever it was, they were either very lucky or had some instincts she'd like to buy.
The only reason she was alone was to keep roof watch in case Batman somehow showed up early. Jade looked around the roof, almost wishing she did spy him.
Funny how even a fancy place like this had the boring roof with the usual accessories. Quiet, too.
'Should I just… go?' Jade wondered. There was nothing actually stopping her. She could be out of Gotham in probably two hours if she dropped everything.
Though there would be no disguising she ran out on the Joker. Which in addition to him possibly gunning for her, would give Blood every excuse to kick her out of the HIVE and maybe target her to boot. A bounty probably, too. And of course, fugitive from justice.
Jade knew she was a survivor, but the odds of surviving having the scariest villain around and the HIVE out to get her, weren't good. Especially with her still needing time and resources to find a way home.
Turning herself in was out for the same reasons. Even if she didn't get brainwashed or locked up, and that was a big if, who was to say her witness protection or whatever would be up to snuff against all that? And what were the chances they'd let her tinker with the kind of epic magic she'd need to get home?
Sighing, Jade reached into her cloak and pulled out the folding paper lantern. It was easy to assemble, and set up on the edge, a small spell to adhere it. She considered the candle engraved with markings for power. Burning fierce, but quick. This was a stupid plan, requiring so many things out of her control to work. Jinx would smack her for it.
She wished Jinx was here, only to push that thought aside.
Jade was on her own. Her only hope in not being an accomplice to a mass murder was that the Batman was what everyone said. The impossible "mere mortal". The man who could find the thread in a haystack and grind it all the way to that narrow outcome where good triumphs over evil against all odds. The Dark Knight, who not only villains but supposedly heroes feared, for doing what could not be done.
Lighting the candle, Jade placed it in the lantern and aimed it at the office building across the street.
"Xing," Jade said. The spell ignited, and a crude spotlight displaying the bat signal appeared on the building front.
"Short span, and it will burn up the evidence, no hero or villain to know it was me. Come on, Caped Crusader," Jade whispered, before vanishing back into the shadows.
X X X
Lasersabers. Well, okay, toy lasersabers, but seeing the wedding party enter the reception under rows of those lifted in salute while the Space Wars theme played triumphantly, it was more than a bit awesome in a nerdy way. Jade had a good view from her spot in a ceiling corner held up by the Rooster power, shadows pulled tight around her.
These people were stupid rich and she was expecting all the posh and elegance, but it seemed like the groom, balding middle-aged man that he was, had tastes she could respect, beaming like a king as his bride hung off his arm. Younger than him, but more like thirty Jade would guess, and she seemed pleased too.
Would this be easier if they were a bunch of typical rich jerks?
Soon enough, the toys were put away and a slow dance started to play as the couple prepared for the first dance. Jade closed her eyes as the gas jets went off across the room.
The shouts of confusion or terror were mercifully brief, the people either standing stock still or fallen in horribly awkward positions, frozen off balance. The newlyweds had the bride frozen seemingly trying to help her husband up from where he tripped.
Then the doors burst open as a demented sound track began to play. The Clown Prince of Crime was dancing to the beat and waving to a captive audience as he wove through the still shot of panic. Jade spotted the cart in the doorway and floated down, letting the shadows pull away from her. Clearing the path of paralyzed people with gentle nudges of Rooster power, she grabbed the handle and pulled the cart along as she hovered after the Joker.
"Well, seems I'm a bit late. But I think my gift for the nerdy couple will make up for it. The gift of a genuine happy marriage till death do you part. A rare commodity these days, ain't it? I tell you, the young people just can't stick it out in misery these days! I blame the parents, letting them grow up thinking there was a real chance to be happy, how irresponsible."
Jade tuned him out, touching down and watching as he went about loading up the cart with valuables. Joker, though, gave her a pointed look as he grabbed a load. Yes, she had her lines, and he would not like his script being altered by an intern.
"You two," Jade said, walking up to the frozen couple, whose eyes could shift to her if nothing else.
"He told me to tell you why you. Because you're rich and this is some class thing? No. Is it happiness he's offended by? No. It's not even the high society profile. And it's not a proxy deal, with a guest being the target. This is happening simply because he felt like it. To remind everyone that at any time, for no reason at all, everything can go horribly wrong. And if I don't do my part, he'll just throw me in with al of you. So don't expect me to save you just because you don't know me well enough to be afraid of me," Jade recited her lines flatly.
"Abominable delivery! Pancakes have more depth! Bah, well, come along, there's one last thing we need to tend to, clock's ticking you know!" Joker ranted before turning on his heel.
She followed him to the wall, where a fire extinguisher box was mounted and a vertical bar was installed near the floor. Jade eyed it, wondering if it was some handicap deal, as Joker opened the box and lifted the fire extinguisher out.
"Alright, now stick this to the back of the case," he said, fishing a little clown doll made in his likeness out of a coat pocket.
Jade floated up as he stepped aside and took the doll gingerly. She pressed it against the back, then rubbed it, frowning as it didn't stick.
"What's this even do?" Jade asked.
"Just a distraction," Joker said, before something slammed onto the top of Jade's head and darkness overtook her.
X X X
Jade woke to blurry vision and an aching head. What had hit her? And was she now savvy to recognizing when she was knocked out by a head injury?
"Wake up! No sleeping when teacher is talking!"
That voice snapped her back to reality. Jade tried to stand up but came up short, as something snagged her wrists and a shock tore through her body. Jade fell back to the floor, slumping against the wall. Jade groaned and blinked, realizing she had been handcuffed to the handle on the wall, the cuffs holding both her wrists and the chain trapped behind the rod.
"Ah, ah, ahhh! Looks like that hex info Bloody boy supplied was on the mark. Magic isn't usually my thing, but I know a gal who's good for this stuff. The real trick was getting that handle installed. Just had the schmuck I hired walk in here in broad daylight with his handyman outfit on and install it. People don't question a senseless work order if it's got a little paper to back it up, and the one doing it blames it on someone higher up on the chain," Joker explained. Jade turned around as best she could to face him and drew on the Rooster.
Only to get shocked.
"Tsk, tsk. Tests aren't supposed to be easy."
"Test? Why are you doing this?!" Jade demanded.
"Well, I'm a teacher here, aren't I? Well, this is lesson, a test. Pass or fail. Subject, minion gets betrayed by employer for unclear if any reason and left to die. Believe you me, these things happen," Joker leaned in to whisper conspiratorially, hand shielding his mouth.
"So, timer starts now! No magic, because you seem too dependent on it. Any villain worth their costume should be able to slip some masterwork cuffs when death in on the line, " Joker said, pulling out the controller and pushing the red switch down, "Hope you were paying attention, Smurfette. If you survive, pick me up some Chinese food on the way back to the lair. If you don't, let's try Thai instead. HAHAHAHA!"
Jade watched him go, pushing the loot away merrily, and when the doors swung shut she resisted the urge to tug at the cuffs and rail. Joker would not have gone to this much trouble if she could just brute force her way out of it. So then, she tried to draw on the shadows, but the cuff shocked her. Rooster, maybe she could power through it?
"Ouch. Not so much ouch, but it'll knock me out before it's enough," Jade grumbled, her stomach aching as well around the talisman. Biting it didn't seem like a good idea.
Okay, in the movies, dislocating the thumbs worked in situations like this.
X X X
Dislocating her thumbs didn't work, Jade yelled in her head, resorting to tugging frantically, hands now throbbing alongside everything else.
"Don't panic, that's what he wants," a deep voice said. Jade stopped her tugging and sighed. Turning her head, she saw Batman at work on the bombs.
Too slow, she realized.
"Batman, the bombs are designed in two parts, there's no time! Get me out and I can use my powers to send them away, let them blow up where there won't be anyone to be hurt!" Jade pleaded. She had had it with Joker, and besides as far she knew, his chemicals would do squat to the Shadow Realm.
It seemed an eternity to Jade as Batman considered her words. But nothing exploded, so he must not have really taken that long. Walking over to her in silence, he drew a metal cylinder from his utility belt. Twisting it, something separated on the chain of the cuff holding Jade. The cuffs seemed to crystalize on contact, and with a swing of a Batarang Jade's hands were free.
Feeling the magic fade almost to nothing, Jade grabbed the metal around her wrists in her teeth and bent down, twisting until they tore off. Rubbing her wrist, she walked around the room to each bomb, and with a breath formed the shadows around them and pushed them down, out of sight.
She didn't give a sigh of relief until the last one sank away.
"Whew," Jade said, wiping sweat from her brow. This had taken a lot out of her; really, she must not have been getting enough sleep, Jade thought, pulling at her costume's collar. She'd need a nice long shower and a little personal time in the Shadow Realm after this.
"So, Joker's probably on his way to the awards or something. I mean, he said he wasn't, but he lies. See ya."
"Zhu Chan," Batman stopped her with just her name, "Where exactly are you planning to go?"
"Away," she answered. He narrowed his eyes as sirens drew closer outside.
"Really? I just helped you. Are you really going to try and collar me?" Jade demanded.
"I'd say this is an opportunity. You know what Joker is, and if the HIVE put you under him, that speaks volumes of what value they place on you. You've only ever been a major threat when under the influence of outside forces. Turn yourself in, and you can begin to leave all that behind."
"…Tch, yeah, and can you guarantee I won't spend years in jail or get whisked away to some lab? And as for the League, last time I bunked with heroes, it amounted to two jerks, two genuine, and a fence sitter. Way I see it, I'm better off with what I know and you don't have the time to chase me," Jade said, stepping back. With a surge of magic, she propelled herself back and vanished into a shadow.
No one saw her dramatic exit spoiled by her eyes rolling up and consciousness fading as she entered the Shadow Realm, settling onto an oily meadow. The gases turned into red pulsing lights, floating away in the alien atmosphere.
X X X
"Well, isn't tonight interesting?" Joker remarked, dusting himself off as he slid into the seat of a car he had just jimmied the lock on.
To no terrible surprise, Bats had managed to spoil the fun of the evening. To a greater surprise, his little clown doll spy informed him his little Japanese ninja goth witch — need to come up with an acronym for that, he thought — had sold him out. The sheer ingratitude; here he was, the Great Joker, taking an amateur under his wing, and this was how she repaid him? He'd almost be proud of the audacity if he wasn't so furious at the treachery. But Bats' little cowboy speech had given him an idea.
Still, he had good fortune tonight. The great lady of the evening, chaos, had sent him a bug-shaped aid. He had no idea who that angry moth girl who chewed her way into the paddy wagon was, but she had been looking for his treacherous intern. He kicked himself as best he could while hot-wiring for not taking the time to ask her if she would be willing to intern for him as well. Having her around would make him feel downright handsome!
But, she had buzzed off pretty quick when she realized she had wasted a perfectly good ambush on someone she had no interest in vengeance on. Though not even asking him if he knew where Zhu Chan was struck him as sloppy. Well, you can't expect the kids to know their knees from their elbows these days.
Anyway, if he had that intern pegged, she'd figure he was good and hogtied for a while and decide to stock up before hitting the road. Common flaw in this business, none of them knew when to quit while ahead.
X X X
When Jade first woke up in the Shadow Realm, she panicked, wondering how much time she lost.
That ordeal had taken a good deal out of her, and she had to get out of the realm to clear her head before the realm had her too calm. Picking a memorable but insignificant roof, she was now back in Gotham. The shadows were humming again, harder to ignore now, but still not a problem. Jade glanced about the gothic-rimmed roof, expecting the Queen to pop up.
"No show? Fine then, didn't want to talk with you anyway. Well, now what?" Jade muttered, taking a seat with her back to a gargoyle.
Well, she'd cut loose from the Joker, which was a good thing, but now she was left wondering what next. All those victims would get unparalyzed; there was no way word of her helping Batman wouldn't get out. Blood would use it as excuse to take some action against her, and the Joker… she'd rather not consider.
First impulse was to stick with what she did to Batman, just run. But where, exactly? If she was losing all her villain ties but keeping all her villain problems, plus HIVE and the Joker having a grudge, she'd be in a bad place to stay safe and free, much less be able to research how to get home.
Well, money made everything easier, and the Joker's hideout had plenty of cash still she suspected, from that wall safe and gizmos and stuff she could trade in for money. She'd already gone against Joker, robbing him wouldn't make much of a difference, assuming the police didn't find it and take the stuff anyway.
Besides, even Joker didn't escape that quickly. An hour or so to stuff her bags wouldn't make much difference in picking up a trail.
X X X
Jade was proud of herself for spotting the trap in Joker's office. Not that the tripwire would have deterred her when she could just float in. The safe was a bit more stubborn. She had no image of the inside to try and reach into it with shadows for one. If she had the Pig, her chief worry would be ruining the contents, but as it was all the Rooster had done was rip the whole metal box out of the wall.
Frowning at it, Jade actually pressed her ear to the safe, trying to crack it. It might be a good idea to just forget the safe, Harley probably had jewelry or at least something worth stealing in her room. The Joker's room was a no-go — money or no money, this freak's personal space was a piece of the map she'd rather keep blank.
Huffing at another failed effort, Jade took a seat on top of the safe, chin resting on her fist.
"All these magic powers, and I'm losing to a hunk of metal."
"Life's such a gag, ain't it?" Joker said.
Jade's head snapped up as a shunking sound cut through the air. She screamed as the spear from the gun Joker held lodged itself in her left thigh. Tumbling off the safe, she began to convulse as mystic energy coursed along the length of the metal.
"Someone's not been taking their lessons to heart. Teacher will see you after class, for extra lessons," Joker said as he casually tossed a gas grenade that filled up the room in green fumes. Even without a mask, he seemed undaunted by the gas, advancing on her calmly. She thrust out her hands, trying to send him flying back, but he only staggered and the spear sent jagged lines of pain through her.
Coughing and vision fading, Jade cold only look as the Joker loomed over her. That smile was terrible, but the eyes… the eyes were worse, she realized as they lingered for a moment as everything else was swallowed by darkness.
X X X
Batman stood in the hideout, paying little mind to the vandalized safe or the deadly ordinance scattered around the office. His attention was on a sticky note affixed to the wall above where the safe had been torn out.
'Class is in session -J' it read.
Meanwhile:
"Rise and shine, it's time to LEARN!" A familiar voice cheered.
Jade groaned as the light clicked off and she opened her eyes, blinking away the dots.
There he was, the Joker, illuminated by some floor lamps he had around the place, and the small spotlight next to him. Somehow he had changed outfits, wearing a purple sweater vest over a green shirt, with khaki pants and hipster glasses completing the look. Though in her opinion, the split lip and bruised cheek he was sporting detracted from the teacher look he seemed to be going for.
Looking around, squinting, Jade realized they were in a classroom, a long abandoned one judging by the lack of desks and the boarded-up windows. The chalkboard had been written on, VILLAINOUS FOUNDATIONS.
Did he just stash outfits and hideaways away on the off chance he would need them? And this many lights so he could make sure he had no shadows near whoever he took captive? Who was that prepared?!
"My dear student, you have been the wrong kind of naughty," he clicked his tongue, affecting a disappointed tone.
Jade tensed as he walked over to the sole chair, which she was tied too. Jade tested her bonds and had to suppress at scream as she was reminded of the spear in her leg. She could feel it now, far worse than the cuffs had been, the hex pulsing through her, tangling with her energies.
"You know, we villains may not be expected to get along, but we're supposed to at least wait until a plan is completed before turning on each other," the Joker said in a faux-stern voice, "Yet there you were, selling me out to Bats."
"You left me behind to get blown up!" Jade protested.
"I specifically said that was a test," Joker replied calmly, "You were supposed to either figure out how to get out on your own, thus proving your resourcefulness, or die, thus removing one more incompetent from an already overcrowded field. But no, you let Batman save you, and then you ratted me out to save your own skin. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Ol' Bloody was right, you are a terrible student. And now, like any responsible teacher, I have to punish you."
"I don't suppose you're going to just assign me extra homework or something?" Jade asked hopefully.
"Nope," Joker said, perpetual grin growing even wider, as he started pacing and holding up a finger as if really lecturing, "A good teacher does not just punish, though. It's not like rapping a ruler over your knuckles will improve your skills at measuring, after all. No, punishment should fit the crime. And in this case, your crime is being a poor student of villainy."
Was he really more mad at his lesson being disregarded than the actual betrayal, Jade wondered?
"Yes, Blood told me quite a bit about you. A lot was guess work, though, and Blood's a C-lister too big for his britches, but I have a good eye and instinct for ferreting out the plot and character depths; even with hack performances. Like your little schoolgirl friendship with the teenage witch, and your lack of a proper body count. So many little details lying idle until a pro like me can put them together like the puzzle they are.
"Bats is a spoilsport, who'd spoil the mystery by telling people. I get that the real fun is the not knowing. A good mystery, an intriguing question, can beguile generations. An answer? It just becomes another fact, a bit of trivia to sit through and be bored with. But I'll admit there are times when the mystery deserves to be solved. And besides, it's just between you and me," Joker explained, before holding his index finger to his lip and glancing around comically.
"You're a hero where you came from," he whispered, loud enough for it to carry to her.
It wasn't a question, and her face must have given confirmation.
"Oh, you hit the ground too well be a just another one of the masses! Certainly no soldier. Nor the neutral merc type, either. And as you can guess, I know you didn't come here a villain. So that just left the one option. Now, I really don't care about your origin story. Those things get too much attention. What you came from and where you end up matters so much less than whether you are putting in a great show right now. But still, your villainy is my business.
"And I see the problem. You're slumming! A hero brat drops into another dimension, and you make your excuses and decide to walk on the wild side. Let me guess, a bit of the local bigotry? All punch no talk from Bird Boy the Sequel's spinoff franchise? Afraid of Bloody? Meh, excuses, excuses. If you had the real hero moxy on tap, you'd have overcome that.
"I have some experience with this. Ol' Harv. You see, people think he snapped and became EVIL when his face became bad social commentary. But I am of the mind that's a crock. Ol' Harv, I think, envied the gangsters he hated. Yearned to cut loose and take bloody action against not just the gangsters he hated, but the city he whined about not truly appreciating his hard work. Just like his coin gag, an excuse to not be responsible for his actions while trying to play a sympathy card. But I'm not responsible for Harv; I'm no nosy reporter or shrink trying to drag interesting people into the unkind light of truth.
"You, on the other hand, I have a duty to. You signed up for villain education, and I agreed to provide it. And you're farther along than you might admit, marching down that slippery slope. But tonight's performance, disgraceful! So what to do? Pedagogy is a harsh mistress.
"So then, in summation, your problem is not skills. Certainly not power. And you have a better appreciation for the look than most fashion disaster young 'uns. Rather, your problem is commitment. And that's just no good or bad.
"You see, superheroes and villains — much as many would deny it — are cut from the same cloth. Amongst other things, we crave audacity and notoriety more than practicality. I mean, Flash might solve the energy crisis with a hamster wheel generator and help the environment, but who wants that?! Boring for him and us, who would rather have a wisecracking hero cracking evil skulls for glory and the icon of goodness that is the chocolate chip cookie!
"But I digress, my goodness the principal will have words for me at this rate. What is most relevant to our situation is the common thread of 'commitment'. Heroes, they give of themselves to an undeserving world in spite of all it costs them. And villains persist in their ruts and roles, even when maybe going for a fat check is an option. You take your role and you stick with it to that dying gasp, be it a grand finale or the long overdue cancelation of a franchise zombie.
"And this shoddy performance of yours is unacceptable in lacking commitment. Thinking you can cleverly play both sides getting your ideal outcome while taking a dip in the scum. This game isn't some social liberation deal where you can swing both ways and get applauded. There are rules! Without the rules, the game falls apart like a match without a referee comes down to just who blows the other side up in the bus or locker room first.
"I live for the game. I am half the game's icon. I will not stand silently and let it be mocked by some brat thinking she can slum around and then go back to wearing a cape and cracking one-liners with the shiny teeth brigade.
"So how can I get this lesson driven good and deep into that skull of yours? Well, I had a notion! Using all I have inferred about you and all the insider snoopy info from Blood. Your little witch friend, some car batteries, a large truck, a big hungry shark, and some kidnapped civies, just for fun, oh and we can get Bats in on this too! Oh what a party!"
Jade stared at the utter mess he had drawn on the chalkboard as he implied his plan. Then Joker sighed and drew a massive X through the mess.
"Ah, but then it occurred to me, do I really want to spend all that time and effort on an intern who in the grand scheme will probably matter less than that loser Killer Moth? So, let's just stick to the hands-on budget, shall we? Resource scarcity is the great driver of innovation, some guy I used to sit with in Arkham used to say. Funny guy, thought he was a robot that had to eat humans to become human. Did a great solo of Jingle Bells for the Christmas party," Joker rambled as he reached into his pockets and pulled out an onion and a fold knife, which opened to reveal a blade practically humming with magic to her senses.
"And while we're at improving your commitment issues, I just have to say it. You really don't smile nearly enough."
X X X
Harley Quinn sat, not paying attention in the interrogation room as the usual processing began again. She knew this song and dance so by heart she could probably play the cop to some robbers and no one would notice.
She'd talked. Mistuh J wouldn't be happy about that. No, he wouldn't. But Batman had told her the kid had helped him, and now her puddin' had her.
It wasn't easy. Smurfette shouldn't have done that. Especially not to her puddin'. Even rookies should know you didn't set him off.
But the kid, was a kid. She might think she was ready to wear her big girl undies, but she wasn't there yet. So Harley had stuck a pin in her puddin's back. It might be too late anyway, and she'd only been able to guess, anyway.
Well, it was in Batman's hands now.
X X X
"There now, that wasn't so hard, was it? Why, you're looking happier already! HAHAHAHA!" Joker cackled, flourishing the bloody knife as Jade slumped in the chair. His face and front of his sweater vest was flecked with dark blood, which ran down from Jade's jaw, dripping onto her lap and staining the cloth.
He was still talking, but Jade couldn't hear him. Her face felt like it was melting, maybe it was?
But still the pain and the horrid spells in that spear radiated out in tune with her own heartbeat. And onion juice on his knife, that was spreading though her too. She could swear she felt it in her blood.
It shouldn't have been too much. A quick sweep to the Shadow Realm. But she couldn't. She couldn't even rattle her seat with the Rooster anymore. Everything felt heavy, and awful.
But there was still something clear.
The song.
And her. The Queen was there, floating before her, the Joker partially hidden behind her wispy form. She was a whole body again, but thin this time, like the ghost of a shadow. Only those burning eyes seemed solid.
"Jade. They are calling to you. They can save you. But you need to take their hand," the Queen said softly.
'My hands are tied,' Jade thought at the Queen, raising her head with effort as a sizzling sound and strange porky smell started to creep into her senses.
"Not that way. You know what you need to do. Answer, change, seize the power to save yourself, Chan!" the Queen pleaded. Jade saw smoke leaking from the Queen's eyes. It almost could be tears in reverse, Jade thought.
"Please," Jade whispered.
"What's that? A little louder, lamb chop," Joker whispered, leaning in close to her savaged face. Jade closed her eyes and breathed in a deep aged breath as Joker pressed in face into her personal space.
"SKREEEEEEEE!"
The shriek sent him back a step, hands flying to his ears but not dropping the knife. Mouth opening, his eyes narrowed at her. She didn't pay attention. The shriek changed quickly into a note — high, clear, and strong as a bell.
And the shadows rang in answer.
She was not the only one to hear it, she realized as the Joker looked around in puzzlement.
'Come to me,' Jade willed.
It was a request. It was an order. It was a demand. It was surrender. It was desperate. Confident. So many things and none of them at once. But neither she nor the shadows cared for such abstractions; she had opened herself, and they rushed to meet her.
"Hello," Jade said as the thin shadows of the room tore from their places to coil about the lamps, toppling them breaking the illumination into shadows cast every which way. The next moment they surged across the floor in a rush to her. And they were only the first.
Passing through her, and out of her. Water flowing through and out, but making their mark in the passage, on her and she on them. Was she giving or just taking? She couldn't care less in the moment as her song shifted, the girl's high clear note to a woman's triumph as the commune of darkness shaped and moved by light played out over and through her.
She didn't have to ask for hands, yet half made, to form from the union and pull the foul spear out of her, the crude magic unleashed with all intent and no intellect to shred her bindings and blow the chair apart.
As the spear clattered to the ground bent nearly beyond recognition, Jade stood up in the air the shadows flowing around through her. And all she felt as that knot of hardness in her belly softened and melted into her was a new pleasure as power flowed through her.
The Joker was cackling as he lunged. She raised her right arm, and the shadows coating it took shape.
The foul knife struck up sparks as it sent some of the shadows burbling and fluttering away. But he did not press the attack, stepping back and looking at the expanse of blue-black feathers covering her arm. Jade breathed, feeling the pain ebb even as numbness washed over her cheeks and the wind coursed through her molars as she took a breath. Her shoes burst apart as her talons broke free, and armor sprouted from her legs as she deflected Joker's next strike with a kick.
He was dangerous, but as the other wing formed around her arm and she rose higher into the air along with her hair pointing to the ceiling, she was not afraid. She was the shadows. She was power that transcended light and darkness, belonging to both and also to itself. The dawn was breaking; she could feel the sun break the darkness, letting shadows reign. He was a man with a knife, and she was ascendant.
And he had wronged her. He would pay.
Her lunge surprised him.
She grabbed the knife with her teeth. It hurt, but she had gone beyond pain tonight. He was so quick, but her talons were sharp, and her kick held nothing back.
He slammed into the wall, and she pushed into him without drawing close, the shadows adding a bit of strength to hold him as they creeped along the wall.
Jade blinked, noticing something on the floor. Horns. Her horns?
Two jolts in her forehead nearly sent her to the floor. She flapped her wings to stay aloft and pressed the Rooster into Joker, keeping him trapped as two things forced their way out of her head, feeling like they were melting and reforming a dozen times a second.
It seemed like hours, but it might have been a minute, she thought, till the boiling bone sensation settled into throbbing agony. Breathing harder than ever, Jade touched the steaming hot horns protruding from her head, stretching nearly her hand length and curving up to a point.
"Nice horns, kid. I'd swear they were fake if I hadn't seen you grow them. Honestly, what have they done to our precious water and youth today?" Joker chuckled.
Those eyes, they were the same pinned as when he had taken her. With a keening wail, she reached out and pulled the knife from her mouth with her power. It wobbled, resisting even without a wielder, the magic in it dancing in defiance in her unseeable grip.
It rotated to point toward him anyway.
"Ah, yes. That's the pepper! You're really bringing it in the clutch. Transformation power-up sequence followed by offing the mentor?! I am really good at turning around people into a proper path to villainy," Joker cheered.
"Ut up rarard," Jade managed, her tongue feeling like it was spilling out the sides of her mouth.
The knife made its way toward Joker. Jerking, erring to either side, but progressing. Close enough. Eyes narrowed, she willed it closer, one final lunge…
"Zhu Chan," Batman's voice cut through. The knife wavered and stopped.
"Oh, an audience, and a distinguished one at that! Well don't stop now, kid! A pro needs to perform under pressure," Joker laughed.
"That's enough, let the police handle him," Batman said, taking a step into the room. The Joker frowned.
"Really, that's the bit you're going with here? So predictable," the clown griped.
Jade growled and spat blood, eyes darting between Batman and the Joker, knife jerking toward the mad man and Batman staring at her calmly.
"Don't listen, kid! Those bobbies had me and lost me in what, an hour? You wouldn't be in this situation if someone else could solve your problem. Besides, is me spending what, a few months tops, in a padded cell really good enough payback for that charming grin?" Joker spoke up.
"You are not an idiot, Zhu Chan," Batman said calmly, "You know Joker wants to hurt you, and right now you killing him or even hurting him is what he wants. It's what he loves — taking something and leaving it the worse for having crossed paths with him. Don't give him what he wants."
"BUT SHE WANTS IT TOO! Yes, that's the look, or it would be; kind of hard to emote with half a face, just ask Harv. Besides, you're already seen as a villain. And with your name lumped in with mine, you're deeper than ever. Why climb and get all bothered and respected when you can cut loose and have fun whatever way you want on the way down? Sure, the impact is a bitch, but hey, until then you can be the boss, which is more than can be said for tightly-wound types like Bats here," Joker broke in.
"You can prove them wrong. Even if they never admit it. You decide who you are, not him, not me, not them," Batman said.
"…I swear, if you choke over this after school BS, I will hunt you down and make that look like a love tap, after practicing on your little fairy girl-" Joker growled.
The knife flashed forward. Jade saw it bury itself in his pale neck, ripping through to nail him to the wall.
It was clear, but it wasn't real. A black clad hand grabbing it from the air and slamming it into the wall, clear of the clown.
Shrieking, Jade slammed Batman into the wall beside the Joker, but didn't notice the round projectile he had tossed until it was slamming into her face.
Distilled onion burst over her face, into her eyes, mouth, and nose.
X X X
Zhu Chan fled. There was no time to call out, and by the time he had the bola out, she was gone into the nearest shadow. The pressure let up and Batman stood free while Joker collapsed to the floor.
"Hehahahahaha! Oh, that was fun! I mean, you're my big adios of choice, of course, darling. But my death punching a one-way ticket to the dark side for a minor, while you look on helplessly, that's an acceptable silver," Joker chortled as he slumped against the wall.
"…" Batman said nothing, as he bound up the battered maniac. Joker kept talking.
"Oh, but I lost, she didn't kill me? But she tried; I won't tell if you won't, but she knows. And she knows you, Mr. Hero, hurt her at her lowest. And put the wellbeing of her and her little friend behind our lovely little dance. But don't worry, she didn't choke. She followed through only to get thwarted, just part of the game. My work with her is done! A solid C+!
"Go forth, my beautiful toothy bird, leave the nest of yucks and puns and cast that shadow on a world that probably has it coming. You pass! Happy Graduation!" Joker cackled, even imitating a noisemaker before Batman sprayed him in the face and he slumped into unconsciousness.
X X X
The girl was laid on a gurney in a bare room of concrete adorned only by metal shelves stuffed with cardboard boxes under utilitarian lights. Penguin squinted down at her, tapping his chin, turning to one of his retained mystics at his shoulder.
"So she just popped up like this?"
"Yes. We administered what you would think of as first aid. But we awaited your instructions on any further actions."
"Hmm, if her appearance hadn't been so distinct to start with… Well, it seems she was involved with the Joker's endeavors earlier tonight. And predictably, it seems that their association has ended poorly. It would be safe to assume she is in his bad books now. There's a certain risk to aiding her. And Blood, pompous neophyte he is, should be considered. But I smell power and desperation, gentlemen, and those are tried and true roads to profit for those with daring, pluck, and a steady course.
"Tend to her, and see to it no one knows. Should she recover, we shall employ her resulting debt to have a fine ace up our sleeves, or perhaps a long-term asset. And if she should expire or prove an ingrate… well, I am certain we can break her down for parts. There is a market for every bit of her with the right people."
Having handed down the business plan regarding this matter, he left the men of magic to their work, closing the door behind him and adjusting his tie. Yes, he felt quite confident her misfortune was about to become quite a good turn for him. Her lovely avian tattoos and hybrid legs and feet made this seem fate; shame she had covered them up on their first meeting. Though as fine as the feather patterns on her arms were he puzzled why she would have a beautifully ornate rooster tattoo across her belly of all things. Pity about her face though, if she proved amiable perhaps they could so something about that?
But for now, a good meal and sleep. Questions were all well and good, but even brilliant minds must let the lights dim and rest before running their plots.
Though stopping at a window, he noted it was another lovely day in Gotham, the city drinking in the sun and dispersing of gloom, apathetic to the suffering and tragedy playing out behind closed doors.
He really loved this town.
Author's Note:
Well, here we are again. Hope you are all holding up well in these times. I admit this wasn't what I planned to update next.
I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I imagine there will be people upset with what happened to Jade here. I admit I can't chalk this up to Nocturne; while we always intended her to end up with Joker and the city to be a turning point, the details tended to be vague. But I assure you, Jade isn't going to pull a Harvey, as Joker might put it, and suddenly be EVIL! (imagine it said in Mermaid Man's voice) That may be a bit of a spoiler, but I don't want you to be left too hanging, as I don't know when this will get updated next.
I am happy to shift gears from Joker to villains like Penguin as planned. Joker demands a high standard, and less intense villains like Penguin and some Rogues feel a bit easier to explore.
Gotham sees Jade losing what insulation the HIVE and Jinx provided her from villainy's consequences. In Joker, a boss who has no invested interest in her well being and no morals. And a lack of anyone she can trust to any degree, now having to turn to and deal with people with a strictly mercenary interest in her. Kitten is now in the same city on the hunt, a longterm consequence of the Tournament finally coming to fruition.
And of course, Jade has now developed into her next stage as a Higher Shadowkhan. A development that will have its pros and cons.
Jade at this point has been quite burned by her choices, so expect some reevaluation in the future by her. After what she went through with the Joker, you can bet she will try and avoid any repeat of being made so helpless and being so hurt again.
Hopefully it won't be too long until we're back here to answer some of the questions you have and provide some entertainment.
Until then stay safe, long days and pleasant nights to you all.