A/N: Requested a while back as an expansion on April's panic attacks in this series, namely the first one she has. Christmas fic will continue its course after this, I do believe!

Andy doesn't mind working at the bar, mostly because the rent's already hard to deal with and sitting around watching people and getting to be "the muscle" is a funny thing. People there weren't ever a problem and he never had to do much more than suggest someone leave the place with a hand on their shoulder. Besides, the owner said that he might even get a full time gig there if he stayed around any longer.

It was weird, like Andy had found a place somewhere. Even if it was a little more expensive than he'd have liked that wasn't the point. The best part of every single day was getting to be around April whenever he wanted. Back in high school, she was reticent and Andy didn't know how to handle that so their initial friendship wasn't very fluid and mostly consisted of that stupid courtyard. Even if she spent a lot of time at the small campus or cafes and libraries around town Andy loved when the doorknob jingles and April walks in.

That day, he's sitting up there on the bed playing with one of the curlycue bits of guitar string, unwrapping them and trying to remember which one he'd unwrapped when she walks in. She's flushed, her face bright red but that was probably from the cold, and the moment she sees him April walks over to him and pulls him into a hug. There's a sinking feeling when her arms go around him because Andy knows this desperate embrace too well, but he's going to smile through it and try to feed her his feigned happiness.

"How was school?" he asks and immediately it's the wrong thing because she refuses to look at him. "Whatever, wanna get a pizza?"

"Sure," she says slowly, but Andy doesn't get to detach from her.

So he takes her to the bed and orders on her laptop for them. April puts her head on his chest and plays with the mangy sweater he's got on, and Andy wants to pretend like she's happy in that moment - just the two of them - but he can't justify it. But that's okay because he knows it isn't about him, and that's fine because that's never crossed his mind for a second - it's always been about her.

"Hey," he whispers when they hear someone walk up the steps, "that's probably the pizza."

He kisses her on the cheek, lightly and more just to let her know he's just moving a few feet, before opening the door and paying the guy. Nothing about it's appetizing to April, who only chews on one piece furtively, so Andy makes up the slack and devours three slices. At one point grease flows onto his hand and he smears it on April's face, hoping to elicit a smile and return of grease, but she just wipes away at it and pushes her head once more into his chest.

"You wanna talk about it?" he proffers, unsure.

"It's stupid," she mumbles as her fingers get caught up in the holes in his shirt.

"Okay," he answers.

He tries every day not to push her. Andy knows what he's supposed to do to help her, how he's supposed to talk and act but April's so infuriatingly important to him sometimes he forgets. Sometimes he pushes too hard and it might open a wound that's not ready to heal, and April isolates herself from him for a while. Whether that meant refusing to talk or just studying all day, working on projects weeks in advance just so she doesn't have to say a word, he knows when it happens. Other times, like now, she just looks at him in the way that makes his chest collapse all at once. Her eyes catch his and the whites are so gigantic, her face searching and begging at once, that Andy gets a lump in his throat just looking at her.

"It really is stupid," she starts without his request and Andy feels a little relieved at how easy it's become for her to just open up, "but I thought I got something in class, and I - y'know it's just a lab so I did an exercise and did it really wrong."

"So, you're super smart! You mess up once, who cares?" Andy says quickly, rubbing her shoulder and smiling at her. "One mistake doesn't ruin everything."

"I know, but... I could see it in everyone's eyes. Like, 'who's this idiot?' and I - I dunno, it's dumb," she turns and looks away from him, shivering.

"You're the smartest person I've ever known," he kisses the top of her head and she relaxes back into him a little before tensing up suddenly.

"Even the professor just squinted at what I drew and... can I do this?" she hesitates again and Andy tries to keep a hold of her but she turns around on him. "Can I do this?"

"Like, school?" Andy asks.

"If I'm screwing up now, how the hell am I supposed to graduate... and that's just school-" and April's throat seems to catch her breath, because she stops talking all at once and her breaths excite.

It's like that for a few seconds, April sitting there with new and hasty breaths before she looks at him inquisitively and swallows hard. Andy doesn't even know what he's looking at before she curls inward and onto his chest, looking around the room, and the breaths get sharper and louder. April's eyes widen and she doesn't seem to actually take in her surroundings anymore.

"What's happening?" Andy says hurriedly.

"I-" she tries to say something but croaks out a noise before shuddering and hyperventilating more.

"April, what's happening?" Andy's voice rises uncontrollably as he tries to figure out what this is.

Before she left therapy permanently, Andersson told her that she has to be careful of a few things. April understood immediately what the triggering would be but Andy still doesn't. Was school part of that? Even so, Andy never heard of whatever April was doing now other than the wracked lungs and tightening grip around him. Trying to figure out what to do he shoots out of bed and walks over to the small kitchen, filling a glass of water and fumbling it over to her.

When he hands it to her, April struggles to get it down but calms for a moment. Her breathing slows and though her eyes are weirdly watery and distant, she blinks that away and seems to come to grips with the situation.

"What just happened?" Andy squeaks, his own hands getting shaky.

"I-I don't know, that's... uh, that's never happened before," she rolls her shoulders like an implicit tightness is in her back.

"Is there anything I can do? Are there, like, pills or a drink or something?" Andy paces in front of her, trying to remember if he'd heard about this before.

"No, just... I just want you to sit here for a while, okay?" April says slowly, and Andy obliges without a second thought.

So they sit like that for a while, both of them expecting her to suddenly jostle and crumble into another attack like before. April doesn't though and instead they stay in bed for an hour with her arm over his stomach and Andy's head arched awfully on the pillow behind him. After a few more minutes of cramping and the discomfort, April slides up next to him and presses her back into him. With another kiss on the back of her head, Andy tries to think of the nearest place he can call.

Honestly, it was all about April.