A/N: Two chapters in two days... yea that's what happens when I get myself dedicated. This won't be long story, compared to some of the marathons I can write, I intend to keep this story short but detailed so. Let me know what you think.

20th September 2016

Doctor's log

I spent entire weekend convincing my brother that I made the right choice, even though he wouldn't hear about it. My ears started to buzz from his lectures and how I have both my and our family's reputation to think about. I think that our father agrees with him, grandfather in particular… to them I spent small fortune on getting into best medical school only to end up in place where they believe my career will end. His silent fury extended to new limits and he refused to call me by my name, preferring to call me 'doctor Kuchiki'. At any other point in my life this would've crushed me but now… I honestly feel flattered. No matter what his personal opinion about me is, he has accepted my accomplishment… it was my family's money that gave me best possible education, but it was still me who spent hours after hours studying medicine.

Kurosaki Ichigo. I spent all morning trying to talk to him but all I got from him was silence. Orderly had him tied to his bed and I couldn't help but feel as if I am talking to a dog that has been on the leash for too long. As I read through his chart I noticed that every doctor had different theory as to what caused his sudden withdrawal and every doctor prescribed different set of medications with no significant improvements. I wonder if I can truly make the difference. My family won't be happy to hear what kind of case I work on but if they have seen his face, if they could only take a glimpse in his eyes, perhaps they would understand why I need to be here. It seems that no one else wants to.

Rukia wiped her eyes as she was sitting behind her desk filled with papers and documents. Medical records, personal history, CT scans, toxicology reports… years of continuous examinations done for one man only to head dead end. Noon was approaching and she made no progress today as Ichigo refused to talk to her. At first she thought that he was not even registering her, that his inner chaos has numbed his senses to such degree that he didn't even know where he is. That theory has proven to be invalid after he looked at her few times only to scoff and look away and another theory came in place. He was simply ignoring her… refusing to even acknowledge her presence in hopes that she will leave. But she didn't. She stayed for two hours, trying to make him talk over and over to a point she even became annoying to herself. Still he didn't budge. Like a prisoner sentenced for life, he sat on bed, leaned against the post with knees bent up and arms resting upon knees. His gaze was fixated outside, through the reinforced glass of the window and metal bars that stood between him and endless sky.

She let out a long sigh and moved finger across the small pad of her laptop, staring at the screen on which image of Ichigo in graduation uniform. He was standing next to his colleagues on the graduation day, grinning as he pointed on a tag on his white uniform. Final photograph of him taken with his sanity, the day he has received the title 'doctor'. Her free hand rubbed her own lips as she went through his files. Flawless record, not a single grade below the perfect, top of his class. As she stared at his doctoral dissertation she began realizing just how brilliant he is… or was. She could've been his subordinate now, and he could've been someone she could look up to… instead, she is here to watch him slowly descend into endless dark of the abyss and see as the last shreds of his sanity vanish like droplet of water on the hot sand.

"What went wrong, Ichigo?" She asked as she stared at picture, unable to deny that he looked rather handsome. He was sticking out from the crowd like his hair, one in thousand, ten thousand… one in million. Alas, the laptop failed to answer to her question and she closed it. If four doctors before her couldn't figure out what is wrong with him, what hope did she have from figuring it out in one day? She stood up and went out, strolling through the asylum on the rounds, checking all the patients. Every doctor had some form of priority when it came to patients, a particular case they chose but everyone was obligated to do rounds. First she went through the lower floors, watching how some of the doctors work, how nurses operate. The sight was pitiful… no matter how much they tried some of the patients simply were not compliant. Watching them kick and flail and scream… it's not how she envisioned her work but it is a reality. After each completed inspection, she would go up to the top floor and stand by Ichigo's door, observing him in silence. Now he was sitting down on the floor, leaned against padded wall and head lightly tapping against it.

The image of brilliant, handsome man flashed before her eyes. The smile that could captivate her has vanished. Now only husk of his former self was sitting in his room. He wouldn't talk to her and she needed for him to get used to her presence. Months ahead will be long so she will bid her time and be patient with him. Today, she'll let him battle his demons in head.

Another day came and another promise of a big nothing could be seen on horizon. Still, she tried her best to engage her brother in conversation who acknowledged nothing more than her title and last name. Formality was starting to be bothersome but she endured. It will take some time and while she waits for her brother to accept her choice, she will spend her time at institution, trying to break through the invisible wall that Ichigo placed around himself. As soon as she reached Ichigo's room, orderly was already there, waiting by the door.

"All ready for you doc." Grimmjow commented, pushing himself off the wall. It seemed he was waiting for her for quite a bit.

Rukia greeted him with a nod and smile and looked through the window. Ichigo was sitting on the bed, wrists wrapped with hard, thick leather that were fixed to sides of bed. Like a prisoner of Inquisition, he waited for his tormentor. She looked over at Grimmjow, confused at the image she sees "Why is he tied?"

"Chief's orders." Grimmjow answered.

"I am aware but I can't gain his trust if only time I can talk to him is when he is bound like an animal." She replied, frowning heavily at orderly who quickly waved with hands.

"Wooow, easy there doc." He tried to explain "Look, bad diagnosis happens every day. Every doctor does it at one point during his career and that's fine but these folks here are dangerous. If he goes full caveman on you and hurts your pretty face, hospital is liable."

"I already stated that I am aware and accept any injury I receive." Rukia protested, crossing her arms.

"Yea but tell that to your brother. You get hurt, your family sues hospital, we pay the astronomical fee that sharks you people call lawyers throw at us and who will then take 'em? This is safer and no one is liable if shit happens."

"Fine." Rukia hissed through her teeth and entered room, closing door behind just before Grimmjow could follow. Small victory was that she could hear him growl in annoyance from the other side but all that disappeared as she looked at Ichigo. "Good afternoon." She greeted him but no answer came.

"Still not talking to me?" She posed a rhetorical question, taking the chair that was delivered prior to her entrance and placed it by Ichigo's bed to sit on "Too bad, I think you have some wonderful stories to tell." Yet again no answer came… Ichigo was staring outside of the window and this time it sparked Rukia's curiosity "Do you wish you could leave?" Still silence "You know, doctor-"

"I am not a doctor." Ichigo cut her off from continuing that sentence.

"You have a degree."

"I lost that title long ago when I broke the oath." Ichigo continued in monotone voice. His eyes still adorned bags under them, revealing the lack of sleep.

"Do you remember it?" She asked "Do you remember Hippocratic oath?"

"In Japanese, English, Latin, Greek, Italian, German, Serbian."

"So how did a genius like you end up in place like this?" Rukia asked, crossing her legs and observing him carefully. Not a single muscle on his body moved. If it wasn't for blinking, she would say he is perfect statue. "Can you tell me something about yourself?"

"You'll learn all from my files. There's more in it than I remember…"

"Is it that bad?" Rukia asked, straightening her legs again and leaning forward. Her voice was soft and quiet as she spoke "How does it feel inside your head?"

"Bugs, bugs, bugs…" He chanted, his eyes narrowed and lips parted to reveal teeth "All I hear are bugs crawling, gnawing, flying, shrieking… It doesn't stop, it never ends… buzz buzz buzzzzz… It only stops when I take my pills and I only get them once per day, last for hour, two… maybe less... then buzzing comes."

"Then help me…" She pleaded "If you help me, I can help you."

"Liar!" He growled "You're like Inoue!"

"Shut up already!"

"Why do you let her speak? Look at her! She is just like her. She promises to stick around but she'll leave! Who do you have then to lean against Ichigo?"

"I said shut up!" He shouted loud, enough for Grimmjow to open the door but Rukia motioned for him to closed doors. All it took was two sentences and he already looked like he ran a marathon, pulling the leather hard to a point his veins popped on his fists.

"I understand you don't trust me." Rukia said after Ichigo calmed down a bit.

"He is right… you'll leave eventually."

"And if I don't?" She inquired.

"Then you are a fool. You got all the money you need to work at… uhhhh…" He stuttered, shutting eyes tight as he tried to remember "The… big…"

"Tokyo Hospital?"

"Yes!" He exclaimed, chuckling at his own misery of failing to remember one thing he is good at "So tell me, doctor Kuchiki… whose toe did you step on to get here?"

"Would it surprise you if I say I volunteered?" Rukia asked, making him look over at her. He looked surprised, more so than she expected him to be… apparently even he shares same opinion as her colleagues.

"You want my story? Fine, I'll make you a deal… I'll tell you what you want to know and in return you give me scalpel."

"You know I can't do that." Rukia waved her head lightly "I need consent from family." That word 'family' it made Ichigo show one of the most painful expression she has ever seen. He looked like he was on the verge of crying right there in front of her. His eyes glossed, his lips quivered and fingers grabbed tight onto the bedsheet. "You have a family, don't you?" She asked, knowing whose son he is but still wanted to hear from him.

"Dad… two sisters." He said, locking his gaze at the single point in front of him "Karin should be in national team by now… Yuzu wanted to be like her older brother…"

"And your father?"

"He can die for all I care." Ichigo answered bluntly, changing his facial expression in matter of a second.

"Do you hate him? I know children of famous doctors tend to live in shadows of their parents."

"No, he wanted to live in my shadow…" Ichigo explained, leaning back against bedpost "Kept pushing me to be better… kept me in check… he's good dad. Gave me the best… repaid him in nothing but pain."

Rukia listened to Ichigo, soaking in every word he said. There are still so many questions she wanted to ask him but feared he will block her out again… right now, she needed to make him comfortable, even for a little bit.

"Do they visit you?"

"No." He answered bluntly.

"Why not?"

His head bowed forward and his look fell down and he stared at blanket. His words were quiet "Because I told them not to come. Told them… that… I get better alone."

"Do you miss them?" She asked and he nodded. The same, pained expression emerged once more as his lower lips began shaking "Why did you tell them not to come?"

"Why should they come?" He shouted, snapping his head to look at her "What are they going to see? Older brother who they looked up to? Son who failed? If I am lucky they will see me when I medicated and able to speak! And what if they come when all these… WORMS start crawling in my head? Do you think I want them to see me in bed with drool on my lips and piss in my pants?! Is that what how you would want your family to see you?!"

Rukia listened him in silence, unsure what to answer. He broke that silence with a shout "Answer me!"

"I can't…"

"They will come… they will want to hug me! And they will see…" He added, voice began shaking, struggling to maintain the same tone.

"What will they see?" Rukia asked. Ichigo looked down at his right wrist and as if it was a sign, she stood up from her chair and sat on bed next to him. Carefully, she moved her hands, only lightly brushing fingertips against his skin. He closed his eyes and moved head away from her, breathing hard, fast, facing the struggles of Hercules to maintain his fragile sanity. She moved his sleeve up and he turned his arm enough for her to see. It was not a sight she wanted to see and she gasped… scars adorned his wrist, made by sharp and jagged objects and she even saw teeth marks.

"Is this your doing?" Rukia asked and he quickly nodded.

"I tried to kill her…" he whispered and then shouted "I tried to kill Yuzu! She just wanted to sit on bed and… and HE came out… when I gained my senses… I was on the floor… two men on top of me and she… she was in corner, sobbing, holding her neck… coughing… I'll rather kill us both before I let him do that again..."

"I am sure she understands." Rukia tried to comfort him but he snapped again. Leather straps screeched from the pure pressure that tried to rip them.

"I won't let him…" He continued, slowly losing himself in his own logic "He won't leave this place…"

"Is that why you refuse to talk to doctors?" Rukia asked "it's not that you are lost case… you don't want to be cured. Is that it?"

Ichigo took few, long seconds to think before nodding. Everything became clear to her… the reason why doctors lost faith in curing him was not because they couldn't get to him due to his own insanity, rather, it was because he didn't let them. She began realizing that he thought of himself as a prison to the madman who tried to kill sister that he loves. To him, this was penance for the deed and he is only jailer capable of keeping him in check. It was enough to start.

"They won't feel better knowing that you are suffering here. Trust me no sister wants to see her big brother in place like this. Please, let me help you."

Ichigo laughed at these words. Just a moment ago he was on verge on crying and now he laughed to a point where his tears would come out. She wasn't sure exactly how many Ichigos are inside or how many slivers of the persona are controlling his emotions. For all she knew, there could be thousands of pieces, each connected to the other but each with its own base of emotion.

"You want to help me because you want to progress in career." Ichigo said, letting out a soft sigh, still recovering from the laugh attack.

"What if we help each other, hm?" She inquired "You help me and I help you."

"Seems unbalanced, don't you think doctor?"

"No but you just shown me that you can be bribed so… how about we negotiate a price?" This seems to have gotten his attention and he looked at her with his brown eyes "Let me prove to you that I won't give up on you and I will find your family and bring them here."

"That is not a bargain, that is ultimatum." He scoffed.

"They miss you, doctor." Rukia said in soft voice, trying once more to touch his hand. His reaction was less violent, though he did clench his fist hard. Still, he allowed her and he could feel warmth of her palm. She wasn't orderly or nurse, she isn't here to inject drugs into him to make him stable… she was here, willingly.

"If you fail… I want you to get them…" He said, barely uttering every word.

"I will-"

"And make them sign papers for euthanasia." Ichigo finished his sentence, shooting cold gaze at Rukia. She hesitated to speak… this was not what she wanted, not what she planned to do but he seemed to be willing to cooperate even if it is on lesser level. Unsure how she will explain this to chief of medicine, she collected her bravery and took a deep breath.

"Deal." She confirmed. His wrist twisted under the restraints and he grabbed her hand, tightly squeezing. It took every bit of her strength to remain calm and not panic but he just nodded and released her hand. She stood up from his bed and offered him a smile "Would tomorrow be good day to start?" Rukia asked and he nodded. It was enough for her.

As she walked over to door, he called for her "Wait!"

"What is it?" She turned herself and looked toward Ichigo.

"Look out for a boy called Wonderweiss."

"Is something wrong with him?"

"He's been here for three years. Boy is autistic and on experimental risperidone anti-psychotics… he is not responding to them well and…" he stopped, closing eyes as he battled his own mind to be able to speak "He's gonna develop epilepsy soon. When he does, get him off risperidone and put him on antiepileptics. Drugs they use is are gonna mix well with anticonvulsants…"

Rukia looked at him, wide eyes and lips parted, amazed by what she just heard. For a brief moment, she could see... the glimpse of a man that exists as unbroken entity.

"How do you know?"

"He is over there…" he pointed with right hand at door "Across this room. I hear him every night…"

Rukia nodded and opened the door. Just before she left, she turned once more to look at Ichigo "You may have convinced yourself otherwise but I do still see doctor who cares… even if you don't."

"I may be lost but kid doesn't need to suffer. Get him off the anti-psychotics… there is no cure for autism."

Rukia left the room, closing doors behind him. Grimmjow was already there, waiting for her.

"You are either craziest or the most brilliant doctor I've seen." He commented, looking through the window to spot Ichigo. He was already lost in his own thoughts, looking through the window.

"Maybe a bit of both." She added, grinning to herself.

"Yeah, well, take good care of him, alright?" Grimmjow said with a small chuckle, witnessing small medical miracle.

"You think he can be saved?"

"Nah…" he waved his head "But it is painful to see him like this." He added and opened doors of the room, preparing to enter and untie Ichigo from his restraints. Before he closed door, he said "You know, him and I, we went to same elementary school."

With newfound faith in progress, Rukia returned to her office, flopping down onto the chair. These few hours have managed to mentally exhaust her. Only now she realized just what she promised him… a trial period to help him and if she fails… to kill him. There is no way doctor Sosuke will allow this but at least it gave her time and much needed opening in his brick wall to slip through. Now it was time for her training to show results and she understood that any slip, any mistake could make this tower made out of cards fall down. She was glad she managed to reach out to him but in truth… content was just a front, deep down, she was terrified of what she could find inside his head.