A/N: As I write his story I am beginning to realize that it will be sort of an experiment to test my ability to delve deep into human mind and pull out best and worst. Bad thing is, poor Ichigo has to suffer... I have to reward him for being good lab-rat. Still, this story is giving me a healthy distraction and chance to pull away from my main fanfic that... caused me great amount of grief in last couple of weeks. Anyway, the demons continue and as always, I'd like to know what you think about chapter.

26th September 2016

Doctor's log

I was surprised by doctor Sosuke today. When you are in my position, you already know what kind of people become doctors. There is money to be made, reputation to reach and maintain and I am sad to say that corruption hasn't avoided this noble profession. My brother warned me about such people. Throughout my studies, he prepared me, told me what to do should I encounter such person and how to avoid becoming one. At first glance, doctor Sosuke appears to be such man but his agenda doesn't seem to be as malign as I suspected… in fact… I am convinced he cares for patients as much as he cares for the institution.

It has been a week since I started working with patient Ichigo Kurosaki. True to his word, he accepted to talk to me, although our conversations are rather short for now. I thought that he just needed to get better acquainted with me to open up. I was wrong. There is a pattern with him. Two times per day I come to his room and try to learn about him. First visit ends up with him either refusing to talk to me or switches between his two personas. Second visit always proves to be a bit more fruitful, although they are short. He told me why this occurs… I couldn't have imagined that he could be crafty.

For most people, Mondays tend to be a modern horror. It became a popular icon in culture, representative for everything a working man and woman hate… that first day of the week. There are however two exceptions to this unwritten rule. First are those who just started working, untainted new souls that are yet to find out what it means to experience the daily grind. The other exceptions are those who genuinely enjoy their work, who wholeheartedly accept their position and work toward their goals. Rukia, one would say, belongs to both of these groups. Every new day meant learning something new about her patient. She saw it… she has peeked into the first layer of his broken psyche and noticed threads of sanity that still linger. Like a tattered cloth with too many patches, she saw where they go and believed that she can put them where they belong. Truth remains that Ichigo will never be the person that he once was but at least he may yet come to terms with his other persona. If she works diligently, if she is patient and supportive… she may create an environment in which true Ichigo may ascertain dominance over the demon that stalked him. That moment is not here yet…

"Doctor Kuchiki!" Male voice called for Rukia, stopping her from reaching elevator that would lead her to floor where her office is.

"Oh! Good morning doctor Sosuke!" She greeted with smile and held the door, waiting for chief of medicine to enter "How are you this morning?"

"I cannot complain, thank you." He replied and pressed button for his floor "I am eager to hear about your progress with patient Ichigo Kurosaki."

"He is slowly opening up." She said, making Aizen look down at her with genuine surprise in eyes "Though I can understand why many would consider him lost case."

"He gave up himself." Aizen added in soft, sad tone and Rukia nodded "I am afraid there is little we can do for those who willingly throw in the towel. More experienced doctors gave up because of that particular reason."

"They did and it is my firm belief they made a mistake." Rukia quickly added with sharp tone, making sure that Aizen understand her determination.

"Admirable, doctor Kuchiki. Though it will take months, years even. Time is invaluable resource, for him and you."

"If I may ask, doctor…" Rukia turned to look up at Aizen who gazed down with her with his usual smile and warm eyes "You seem to be very interested in my career. Mind if I ask why?"

"You have finished your studies with highest honors. Many doctors praised you for your skills and dedication, not to mention coming from highly influential family that stands behind you. Let's just say that medical community expects much from heir of Kuchiki family. I shall not lie to you, doctor... the bar that has been set for you is high."

Elevator reached floor and doors opened. He smiled down at her and with calm tone uttered "Will you please accompany me to my office? There is something I wish to show you."

"Of course, doctor." Rukia replied, eagerly following him. The difference in height was such that for every step he made, she needed to make two just to be even "Does everyone care so much about my accomplishments?"

"No, of course not." Aizen replied as he walked. His face was unreadable, pleasant, smiling but impossible figure out. He could be a world's most famous murderer and people would trust him instantly just by looking at his face "There are those who are jealous of your ties, others will only be jealous once your brilliance manifests itself through your hard work. However, chances for that are slim if you decide to work here."

"You have said that already." Rukia added calmly. His imposing stature has done splendid work at the beginning but now she was getting used to it "However, aren't you here too?" She asked, making him look down at her "You could have been a world renowned psychiatrist, praised in medical community... but you are here, like I am."

"Ah yes, that is an excellent point." He chuckled and turned doorknob of his office, opening door wide "I believe this may answer your question."

Rukia stepped into his office once more. Last time she was too nervous to notice its décor. Being focused on just one person who reads through your history makes every worm of doubt in you do its absolute worst. Now that she is more relaxed, she had time to inspect the room. On the walls she saw photographs of what seemed to be walls, hallways and rooms of this very institution. It was a sight most dreadful. Walls looked old, paint on them has been peeled and some had holes reaching to bricks. The other photograph showed the same hallway she walks through every day she goes to Ichigo. Lights were torn, hanging by cables, rubbish on the floor and several doors were open. The other pictures were not much better and it looked more like abandoned hotel than a medical institution.

"I assumed position of Chief of Medicine eleven years go. Those photos that you see, I took them myself and they show in what kind of condition patients had to live in. With economy focused on growth and treatment of sick, there was little funding being dedicated to institutions that were designed to simply hold lost cases away from working, contributing population." Aizen explained as he slowly paced around his office, standing by each picture on the wall, observing it carefully before going to another "Like you, doctor Kuchiki, I too care greatly about well-being of those who are no longer capable of helping themselves. For that reason I became chief of medicine of this institution and used my new position to call in few favors, cash in some connections and get appropriate funding. There were some publicity stunts, risky but they paid off. In the end country dedicated a bit more money and following their example, so did few wealthy companies and individuals. In matter of one year, I have rebuilt this institution and turned it into a place that doesn't just follow standards, but sets them."

"That is remarkable." Rukia said, failing to hide her smile. Aizen has proved to be everything she thought he would be.

"Indeed it is. But you are correct. I being here will not push me up on the ladder but position of chief of medicine opened other possibilities for me to act in ways I wouldn't be able to before. It is also true that few chose to work in these kinds of institutions because they are dead ends. That is why I was surprised when I received transfer request from you, doctor Kuchiki. After all, young prodigy with bright future and highly influential family backing her up chose to work in Hueco Mundo. You could have chosen better place to work as psychiatrist."

"That is what they usually tell me." Rukia added as Aizen finished his long elaboration "To tell you the truth, I am taking my career into consideration and I am aware that it may be slowed down. That being said, working with Kurosaki Ichigo has convinced me that this is where I need to be right now."

"Well, I am glad to see your determination, doctor." He smiled wide at her, keeping his soft but piercing gaze locked onto her eyes "I am eager to see results of your work."

It was another small victory for Rukia. As soon as she left Aizen's office, she let out a long sigh of relief. Any conversation with him felt like being bombarded from every side with only one hole to be used as cover. His persona and his unique charisma proved to be difficult to resist but she once again managed. True to his pattern, Ichigo was uncooperative this morning, spending most of the time either dozing off or just falling asleep. She decided to patiently wait for him to wake up, hoping that something would change but it didn't. What she did noticed is that mumbles in his sleep were not random as she thought they would be. It sounded like argue and she knew with whom he argued.

Now, she knew, he will be a bit more eager to talk with her. As soon as she got his chart again she made her way up to the top floor. Grimmjow was already there, in front of the doors with arms crossed, looking inside.

"I swear, sometimes I have a feeling this idiot is just pretending to be mad." He commented as Rukia got close.

"Why? What is he doing?" She asked and looked through the window. Ichigo was standing, posture straight, hands behind his back and face slightly elevated to look at the upper corner where wall meets ceiling.

"He is naming all bones in body, starting from feet and all the way up to head." Grimmjow explained "He does that sometimes and so far he hasn't missed a single bone. It still bugs me how he memorized them to begin with."

"Well… just because he has few issues doesn't mean his memory is impaired." Rukia added, her lips formed into a wide grin "I'll be inside."

"Whoooa! Hold on doc!" Grimmjow quickly grabbed doorknob "I need to prepare him first."

"Is it possible that we can skip it this time?" She pleaded.

"Remember our talk? Liability.."

"Doctor Sosuke won't know if you don't tell him."

"What part of 'No' did you not get? My ass is on the line."

"Tell you what… if you do get fired, I will personally use my family's connections and find you better job."

"I swear every generation of doctors is worse than the one before…" He sighed and opened the door for her "I will be here."

Rukia entered Ichigo's room quietly, observing him as he chants latin names of every bone. He seemed like he is in a trance, a dervish that chants his prayer. She cleared her throat to announce her presence and he raised his left hand to her, signaling her to wait for a bit more. Patiently, she waited for him to finish and once he did, he took a deep breath and turned to face her.

"All done, doctor?" Rukia asked and instead of answer, he walked over to bed and sat on it, moving straps around his right wrist and tying them "Is it necessary for that? I asked orderly to allow me to speak with you untied. You can trust me."

"I trust you, I don't trust myself." Ichigo added, continuing to fasten the leather strap. When he was done he looked up at her "If you see me untying myself, you run. Don't look back, don't stop me, run."

"Are you afraid you might hurt me?" Rukia asked and walked over to the chair, sitting down and crossing her legs.

"I am afraid I won't remember what I did." He said in low tone "This way we are both safe."

"You do not look like you are out of control, doctor." She added and he chuckled.

"That's because I am under medications. My head is… messy but at least I know who is who. If you want us to talk, tell them to bring my medications two hours later… I am tired of hiding them under my tongue."

"Why were you hiding them?"

"They only last for two hours…" Ichigo answered, shifting on his bed so he can be in lying position. His tired eyes were focused up on the ceiling "After that… bug-eyes returns and… whispers in my head. I had to ensure you can talk to me so… they bring me meds, I hide them under tongue, I drink water and then spit them out only to swallow them ten minutes before you come in."

"That is remarkable, doctor." She said with soft, pleased tone. He scoffed at her praise that he believed was more appropriate for a child… then again, the way he behaved sometimes… he is not far from one "Can we talk about your family?"

"Was wondering when you'd ask." He chuckled, tilting head from side to side repeatedly "The mother of all clichéd questions."

"Very well, if you tell me that knowledge of person's family has no influence on his mental state, I will admit my mistake and ask another question."

Ichigo was quiet. The riddle placed before him proved to be impossible to solve and he took a deep breath before speaking "Oldest child, daddy's firstborn who carried great hopes…" he paused to let out a pained chuckle "Dad's always had will…" he made a pause realizing his mistake in sentence. After a short, angry snarl at himself he continued "… -was-… always was a doctor. Or is it 'were'?"

"Do you have trouble speaking?" Rukia asked, watching his pained expression with good dose of worry.

"It's kind of hard when you have whispers in head. I sometimes forget what I wanted to say and… I start saying another thing in my head but mouth says other and…" Ichigo chuckled again "It's a mess when it comes out. Embarrassing for a man."

"I don't think it's embarrassing" Rukia smiled, trying to reassure him "What more can you tell me about your family?"

"Dad raised us…" he nodded "Me, Yuzu, Karin… turned down chance to work with best so he could raise us. Started working in clinic to pay for everything… for my scho… schu… for me going to medical school. I think he tried too hard to make up for mom too…"

"Your file mentions you had mother. Can you tell me what happened to her?"

"No no no no no…" He chanted, beginning to shake his head more than it was needed "Can't talk… won't talk…"

"Do you think problems came from-"

"I said no!" He growled at her, sitting up, bearing teeth at her. Rukia's heart raced by his sudden animalistic snarl. She saw his free hand twitching, fist closed and opened and fingers crooked. He was struggling, feeling great urge to reach for that strap around his other wrist and open it. For a brief moment, Rukia was sure he would do just that… rip it apart and pounce at her. But he didn't. He clenched his fist and placed it on his forehead, slowly returning back into lying position. Ichigo won and she learned that mentioning his mother was a trigger for him. She will have to come back to it but not now…

"And your dad?" She asked casually, making maximum effort to appear fearless in front of him.

"I love my dad…" Ichigo replied with smile on his lips "I hate his guts but I love him too…" He made a short pause and chuckled to himself "Ever since I was kid, he refused to wake me up like normal kids are awa.. woken… mmmm! Like how they get…"

"It's okay, I know what you mean." Rukia added, ending his struggle.

"He'd barge into my room screaming…"Ichigo made another pause and cleared his throat. "Good morning Ichigo!" he shouted, loud enough that Grimmjow had to look through the glass. Rukia was less composed and stifled a laugh.

"Yeah… he'd grab my sheets and pull them from under me. I could be in a coma and that'd wake me up." Ichigo concluded. For the first time, Rukia managed to see a true smile coming from him caused by a pleasant memory "Of course when I grew up, he'd just kick me out of the bed."

"Kick you out?" Rukia asked, raising her brows.

"Literally. He would sneak into my bedroom and kick me so hard I would fall down from bed. That's the first time he broke toe and… nose."

"How did he break his nose?"

"I punched him!" He exclaimed with chuckle "Ten minutes later… like nothing happened. He's reason why I pulled through… finished med school. All those years of trying to be there for mom to are gone to waste…"

"What about your sisters?" Rukia quickly changed the topic, seeing that continuing to talk about his father may cause Ichigo's already fragile stability to be compromised by the flood of emotions.

"Karin is… sport fanatic…" Ichigo started, scratching back of his head as he spoke about her "She is one of the sane ones in family. Good at school, wanted to…" He chuckled yet again as his lips rubbed one against another "She dreamed of getting into professional football, be in national team for the Olympics."

"And Yuzu…" long pause ensued as he remembered his other sister. She could see that once again he was on the verge of tears. Memories of her, as pleasant as they were, are overshadowed by that one moment. Rukia was unsure what to say so she allowed Ichigo to carry on with his pace "She tried her best to be mother figure in family. She knows how to cook, how to clean, how to keep everything in check and she looked up to me…" His words suddenly got caught in his throat "I remember her saying that… she wants to become a nurse… help people."

His left hand instantly rose up and he pressed both his eyes hard, attempting to bury the tears and prevent them from emerging.

"We talked about one day running family clinic… I'd be doctor and she'd be nurse. Guess that dream is down in the drain now."

"It's not too late."

"Yeah it is." He cut her off before she continued "We both know that there is no cure for… this…" he clenched his fist and began hitting his forehead lightly "If there was I'd be cured by now. At best I get to look forward to reconciling with that demon inside my head and have him surrender control over my body. But he'll never be gone for good. So what future do I have?"

Rukia was once again speechless. Whatever answer she could conjure would not be right one and it would not soothe his pain. He was not like every other patient who came begging for help. No, Ichigo understood everything about his own plight. He was aware of everything that could happen and simple reassurance would not work on him. A burden of knowledge.

"If everything works out for the best, assuming your sessions do their miracle, I can only look forward to working in a clinic and hope no one knows about me. And what if it fails? What if I snap at the patient for the stupidest of thing and plunge scalpel into someone eye? You can't hope to cure me… I will be a burden to my family and watch from a background as they pity their son and brother who became half man… broken man." He sat up slowly, giving her enough reason to believe that it is indeed him. His hand was still tied up and he leaned forward as much as he could, revealing his bloodshot eyes and bags that were formed by sleep deprivation "I will not become a burden to my family, doctor Kuchiki. Yuzu and Karin will grow up and fulfill their dreams, away from me, away from having to look after their older brother who should be looking after them! If I sense for two seconds that I will end up as a patient in bed with them having to dance around the bed just to look after me, feed me, change me… I will slit my own throat… better they grieve me for few months and move on than to spend their lives taking care of someone who should've been their guardian… not object of pity."

"And if you are wrong?" Rukia asked, gulping down hard. There was little hope that she would bear to hear his words, his story, and remain stoic and professional. He needed strength and support and yet… she found herself doing what he loathes most… she pitied him. Ichigo positioned himself once more on the bed, stretching his body onto the sheet.

"Then I will spend my life looking over my shoulder, wondering when demon will take over. Could be today, could be tomorrow and could be in my sleep." He turned head to look at her "Tell me honestly, doctor Kuchiki, no lies, no deception, no false hope… Do you honestly believe that I can ever be cured?"

She took a long minute to think. Every second felt like an eternity in the haunting silence that occurred. Ichigo was patient. He waited for her to make up her mind and talk but Rukia was not sure what to say. After all, he is right… patients like him are never truly 'healed'. All he can look forward to is peace with his own shattered fragment of personality and hope that his own strength will be enough to keep it at bay. He is also right that the same fragment may come out at any point… a momentary weakness is all it needs to resurface.

"I believe that without trying, you cannot be cured." She answered, opting to sound professional rather than personally involved "I also believe that you deserve that chance. One way or another, this case now belongs to me and I will do whatever I can to give you that chance… but before that happens, you also need to place a little trust in me. I may not be able to cure you but I know I can show you that with your strength, you can help yourself."

Ichigo watched her silently. His eyes wandered on her, measuring her up and down before they were focused forward.

"I will regret it then… It's best you leave now, doctor… medications are going to lose effect soon and…"

"And?" Rukia asked.

"And I don't want you to see what I am going to become and what I will say. It is not nice; it doesn't suit for pretty woman like you to hear it."

Slowly, Rukia stood up from her chair and looked down at her. Hope was still present and she even managed to make a mental note of the compliment he gave her. It was indeed regrettable that he had to succumb and become what he is right now. If they met in any other circumstance, she was sure that he would be someone who could teach her great deal about medicine… about life perhaps.

Without saying any word, she left the room and Grimmjow locked door as she did so.

"Any progress?" He asked.

"Not much. For now it is more important we build a foundation before delving into his problems." Rukia replied, watching through the window at Ichigo. He reached and untied strap on his wrist, lightly rubbing the spot "His family will be important but there are issues that he refuses to talk about."

"His mother…" Grimmjow added and Rukia nodded, looking up at him "He refused to talk about her."

"Yes… you know about his mother?"

"I know that she was killed when he was still young." He said with a grumble. Even he was not all that keen on talking about it and she could see it "I also know that he witnessed it. Look, I ain't expert but, if you wanna get to him, you may have to start there."

"Then that's where I will start."