Fakir lets me go from his back, groaning in frustration. He pulls his flower crown off, running a shaky hand through his hair, now slicked with sweat. I can tell he's exasperated and scared by everything that's just happened. I am too, honestly, I feel like I'm responsible for this. I shrink back from him, holding onto the hem of my skirt.
"I didn't know this would happen, Fakir." I tremble, managing my fear a bit better in front of him. He turns to look at me, sighing and pulling me into a tight hug. My fear melts and yet solidifies in his arms as I hear the soft beating of his heart in my ear. It's beating so fast, it feels like it's going to burst at any moment. I wrap my arms around his waist and squeeze him, as we sit in this silent dusk until it's pure darkness. He finally pulls back, staring at me, swallowing hard.
"We can't meet like this anymore. No secret meetings between us. Nothing outside of lessons. Nothing outside of the classrooms." I watch as tears fill his eyes, my heart snapping in two. But I understand. I know why he wants this, and I can't even really blame him. We stand up, starting towards the academy. In the thickening green of the woods, I feel something burning in my chest for a long moment.
I stare at his hands as he grips onto that flower crown for dear life, still walking through the thick forestry. My hand softly creeps forward, pulling through every little fiber of my resistance. Though our hands meet, walking side by side as I twitch my pinky against the side of his hand. He walks a little slower now, turning to look at me as his free hand intertwines with mine. Our fingers interlocking together. I want to stop, to lean up and kiss him against a tree. But I don't. I just keep walking beside him in the silence, squeezing his hand ever so gently. He squeezes back, before releasing our grips.
"This is where we part ways." He says as the Gold Crown Academy comes into view. His voice is strained, almost like he's holding something back. I nod, trying to smile up at him. Though I quiver and pull into a tight embrace, lunging us back into the woods for a few moments just to savor it a little longer.
"We have to go, you idiot…" He almost pleads, but I feel his hands pulling me closer into him. There's that noticeable soft lull in his voice, though it's covered in melancholy as well. I don't want to let go. But I do. I look up at him, stroking his cheek as I watch small tears start trailing down. He holds my hand against his cheek, smiling as I wipe them away with my thumb. I can see that genuine feeling.
We walk through the gates and part ways to our separate dorms. I watch as he still holds onto the flower crown, carrying it with him until he disappears through that brown door. As soon as he's gone, I feel my heart start aching.
I linger around inside my own dormitory for a little while. A ghost haunting the halls with silent cries about life being unfair. I pace slowly upstairs, counting every single one of the two-hundred and thirty-three long steps I take until I make it to my private room.
Slipping inside, I lay on my windowsill, unwilling to do anything other than watching the moon glide over the sky slowly. It feels like it's not even moving. The world has seemingly stopped to laugh at my sadness, to mock my tragedy. To make my life as miserable as possible. I finally break into the hard wood of my sill, softly repeating to myself over and over again in a pathetic, almost childish fashion. "I love him… I love him… I do…" I feel the words just spit themselves out, things I never thought I would cry over.
It's been so long since I've ever felt this. I remember this aching from six years ago. The shards of that remaining pain sinking further into my back, propelled forward by this new and fresh experience. It's like glass splintering into my back, each new shard threading into a tattoo of inability. Of being unlovable. I felt the desperation of his fingers as they clung to me, begging me to stay close to his chest and never let go. More tears spill out. I never thought this sort of love could hurt.
I was hurt when Mytho rejected me, but I could understand. With Fakir, it's practically devastation. It's a whole different kind of pain, like someone just died in front of me. Fakir had actually spoken to me, had actually talked to me like I was a person, and it seemed like there was something inside him that compelled him to still want to be around me. Even if I was an idiot most of the time.
The clock chimes eight times. I continue shivering on my windowsill, though no longer sobbing. I'm just lost in my thoughts, hoping that the night consumes me and all that I have. I can feel the world sinking dark claws into my flesh. Everything I have, every intimate little part of me, everyone who I love is lost. Something about knowing that, while not easier to understand, is a lot easier to digest. It's like I'm just a dull background character in a tragedy. It'd read "The knight realized his folly, and instead of falling for the commoner, grew more in love with a beautiful maiden," Or something drab and depressing like that. It's a fitting role for me, to be a commoner. The girl without any choice in her entire life.
I look out into the night sky, the moon still gliding over the dark sky. There's no stars dotting it, however, almost as if they're mourning my tragedy with me. I stare out, hoping to be struck by the moon as she passes, directly in my forehead would be best. I wonder if Fakir is just as hurt as I am. My heart beats in my chest as I look over at the boys dorm, where I used to watch Mytho and Fakir talk all the time. They were on the top floor, like I still am. I could watch them talk until bed rolled around, though if Fakir noticed, he'd shut the blinds so I couldn't even watch them.
The clock chimes nine. I have been moping for an hour, at the least. Fakir's arms still feel like they linger on me. I smack my forehead, trying not to think about it. It is too painful to even think of. But it wasn't leaving, it was intensifying even further. It fills my mind far more than I ever wanted. Finally the intimacy of all of our interactions, every small stroke of my hair, every cup of my cheek, every intimate little smile.
I manage to crawl under my blankets, still fully clothed and unwilling to change. I need to punish myself for acting so foolishly towards him, for believing it could really work out between me and him. I press my face into the pillow, letting it take the rest of my tears, soaking them in until I pass out.
There's no dream. Just the emptiness in that black abyss. As it happens tonight. Waking up fills me with no joy either. The rest of the day is a blur. I avoid Pique and Lilie for all of it as well. I linger around Antoinette as she has asked. I stay around with her and her friends, just listening as Antoinette lightly strokes my hair, keeping me silent as she drones. Fakir must have taken the day off, since I can't seem to find him anywhere on the academy grounds, though it's not like I really care to see him. It'd just be a world of hurt crashing down onto my shoulders.
"Oh Ahiru, I know it hurts, but it's just a fairy tale to think you'd end up together. You're so young compared to him, and he's only been with mature girls closer to his age. Like me," She dotes, as the rest of her girls start sharing techniques for certain sexual acts, discussing their prices, and the like. Though I'm too distracted to really care. I just nod along with her, agreeing to whatever she says, not even paying attention to her words at this point.
The rest of the night passes slowly. I find myself without a thought, and yet my mind is buzzing. I fall into my bed again. Something pounds in my chest as I lay down on my back. A flash of him back laying on top of me, and suddenly I was a mess again. I was sobbing into my pillow, curling it into my chest and swaddling myself in my comforter like an infant.
The days blur together into weeks, and the weeks blur into months. Fakir has been avoiding me like I'm the plague, which is fair enough in his defense. I avoid him just as well outside of classes, despite my internal protests to stop and stay and talk to him at length about everything we used to. But I listen to Antoinette's every whim, not wanting to upset her and let the lie slither out into the school. Her dramatics become more histrionic by the day, and I've learned to just deal with it at this point.
"Duck, you seem off today. Is everything alright inside that little duck brain of yours?" Antoinette finally chirps, cracking me out of my daydream.
"Yeah, I'm okay. Just thinking about something." I smile meekly, playing with the end of my braid. Victor saunters over to me, smirking in the same, uncomfortably sensual way he usually does.
"Are you sure getting railed wouldn't make you feel better?" He offers, half playfully, half seriously. I just sneer and shake my head, continuing to play with my hair.
"That will work around the same time that I turn into a speck of light," I flash my tongue out at him, turning my face away. He turns sour, and he stomps back to one of the younger looking girls, whose name I learned was Ana. She begins snuggling up to him, her hand intimately rubbing his chest as he begins spitting venom about me. I lay back into the gazebo further, knowing I can't avoid the inevitable for very much longer, that I'm going to eventually be coerced into his own orbit.
Antoinette smirks at me, popping a rather odd and abrupt question.
"When's your birthday, Hiru?" She looks at me with a loving and gentle smile. I return the smile, though with less enthusiasm as I just stare at the ceiling, releasing my hair from my grip
"May fifteenth. Why do you ask?"
"That's tomorrow, Ducky! I'm gonna buy something for you!" I hold my hands up in protest, but before I can say anything, she already has it set in her mind that I'm going to get a celebration. I feel my chest sink. I don't want to be noticed anymore, by anyone. I feel my fingers twitch anxiously as I think about the only present I want. My fingers intertwined with Fakir's once more in a little cottage by a lake.
I didn't really notice that my birthday was so close, in all honesty. Time honestly doesn't feel real. What happened between Fakir and I must have been in March. Meaning I should be completely over it at this point, but I'm not, and I'm angry at myself. For whatever godforsaken reason, he still runs circles in my head like it's a marathon to make me miss him, to make me want him. Antoinette bids me goodnight as I slip upstairs, creeping into my room as quietly as possible. I feel the intimate details of my nightgown flutter over my body.
My bed feels like it's made of rocks as I toss and turn incessantly. The moon glares at me from her perch in the sky. Midnight rolls in, and I finally just stand up, half awake and not entirely sure where I'm going as I leave the dorms. I find myself in my classroom. Surprisingly, they never locked any of the doors for any of the classrooms. Perhaps it's because they expect better from the students, or they just don't care enough to lock them. I step inside, letting myself loose as I dance about the room, desks are as empty as I feel. I'm officially Princess Tutu; a minor character that, as soon as her purpose is fulfilled, disappears back into the speck of nothing she once was. Another face in a sea of faces that are far more interesting, far more beautiful, far more acceptable.
My feet ache like they did those years ago, when I was eleven. And yet, Fakir's hands still helped guide me. He may have been curt and coarse with me, but at least he wanted to help. I sit on one of the desks, imagining Fakir's first kiss with that girl. It must have been nice. His hands probably held her closer than he held me. Maybe she took his virginity too, I think. Fakir isn't as inexperienced as I am. That's clear from his movements, his posture, the way his body keeps me close without any effort. I think over all the intimate things he's done, almost yearning to have done them with him first. But I don't even know how to do those things, I have to remind myself. Even if Antoinette and all her friends have done it, it doesn't mean I do.
I leave the classroom as I hear the bell chime for three. No one is watching me anymore. Slipping back into my room and creeping into my bed, I watch and wait as the sun rises. I'm officially seventeen today. What a strange thing to remind myself, that I'm almost an adult. An adult who can barely perform ballet properly without tripping over my feet and slamming face first into the ground. I wiggle into my blankets even further, waiting for the darkness to consume me. Though when the bells chime, I rise. I notice how my uniform feels more loose, probably from my loss of motivation to eat anything other than fruit and bread.
I run through the courtyard and down to the classroom I had danced in last night, seating myself in my normal seat. Even though Pique and Lilie no longer speak to me since I had become friends with Antoinette, so there's not much point sitting beside them. As Fakir enters, I press my head down into the cold wood. I hear footsteps walk up to him, and a voice speaking to him, drowned in the ocean of conversation and gossip. Fakir retorts something back and the student trots back to their desk.
"Alright, please get settled, students. Class is starting. Mister Katt is out sick for the next few days, so I'm taking over the girls class for the time being." His voice booms, and the girls pipe down, only exchanging small gossiping whispers. I look up, watching his eyes catch on mine for a moment before he dodges his away, passing out a sheet of blank paper to all of us. I take hold of it, softly thanking him. He continues on, ignoring me.
"I need you to all write an assignment. It can be about whatever you want, but make sure it spans one full page, back and front. Be sure to keep it clean of profanity as well." I look down at my page, staring at the clear white sheet. I begin hearing pens scrawling, though I can't find any thoughts to fill my page. I just let my pen work its way down the page. I'll just write about something benign to me. At the top, I write a title.
Princess Tutu Should Not Have Gotten A Happy Ending.
She genuinely didn't. She was a nobody, who knew her consequences for her actions, and yet she still pursued them. Pursued that prince and told him how she felt. And when she faded, no one felt sad, no one really even batted an eye at her death. I continue filling my page with similar ideas. She was just a background character who got what she had quite literally asked for when she told the prince her feelings for him, knowing she would die because of it.
Turning it into Fakir at the end of the class, I smile weakly at him. He avoids my eye contact, though I hear him whisper something under his breath.
"Happy birthday, Miss Arima. I hope you spend it with people who genuinely care about you." His words feel flat as I walk out. I just thank him with what little effort I can muster. Before I even leave the door to the empty class, he says one more thing. "Please keep yourself safe today as well. I don't want to have to see you hurt," I linger on his words, nodding slightly, before walking towards the gazebo. It's my routine at this point. No one is there quite yet, so I sit alone, watching the clouds drift by. My smile returns to my face for a moment. My brain finally manages to start working again. I feel the cogs start turning as the birds tweet even more. A thin yellow bird flutters towards me, and I hold my hand out, letting Miss Canary rest on my hand. Sitting up and smiling at her, I realize her songs are a little sadder.
"Is everything okay Miss canary?" I rub the top of her head. She doesn't respond, just continuing to sing her sad song. I sigh, putting the words I want to hear in her mouth as I vent my problems towards the sky.
"It's hard losing people you love. I'm sure you know what that's like." I watch her droop her head, and take this as agreement. "First it was Mom, then Dad, and now… Fakir." I watch her flutter away and sigh, defeated. No one wants to listen to me complain. I shut my mouth, which gives me realization to people walking closer. I notice Antoinette and the twins smiling as they bound towards me. I return the smile, waving them over. Antoinette bounds up and hands me a small box.
"You guys didn't have to!" I anxiously grab hold of the box. I genuinely don't need or want anything. Though they continue to urge me to open it. I slide the bow undone, opening the box up and staring down at the little trinket. I pull it out, confused by what it is.
As I get a better look, I notice a small rubber duck. I smile and squeeze it, listening to the shrill squeaking it emits. I smile and thank them, as they all three hug me gently. I hug them back, feeling a bitter hollowness in my stomach. This present feels like a cheap play on my name, with no real interest in what I like. Though I shouldn't complain. It's from people who care about me, and I never really receive gifts as it is, so I feel a tad more thankful. They talk at length about someone in the boys dorm as we walk through the school grounds. I nod along, not really sure what to think as their talk consists heavily of how good he is at lewd acts, things I still can't really find interest in, having never been intimate with anyone still. We move into our own rooms, changing for our remedial lessons, and heading into the lesson hall.
The lessons go as planned, with Antoinette and the twins watching Fakir stride throughout the lesson, gawking and watching over his slender muscular figure. Instead I listen to the sweet ring of his voice as it reverberates around the room, like a bell. He speaks with the sort of authority a teacher should, with the gait of a Prima Ballerino. I watch him, trying to keep my balance steady. I breathe in, trying not to lose my balance, attempting to ignore the sickness rising in my throat. Despite this, I feel myself becoming more and more dizzy, nausea starting to pool up into my stomach and throat. I try breathing a little slower, a little more calmly, though I feel my ankle roll again. I fall to the floor, a hard crack to my side as I lay there, filled with pain that's now pooling in my side. I can't help but pathetically lay on the ground as Fakir and the other girls crowd around me. I can see Antoinette groaning in anger, distress from his kindness threading into every little seam of her being as Fakir strokes my hair, trying to calm me down. I hiccup softly, closing my eyes to numb the pain. Though I pass out in his lap, snuggled close in his warmth.
When I reawake, I'm in my room, swaddled in warm blankets and a cold rag placed on my forehead. I didn't have a fever, did I? My head throbs and my ribs ache, but other than that, I feel normal, relatively speaking. The light from outside is still coming through, so I step up from my bed, watching out of the window as Fakir pulls out a sword. I open my window up to the outside world, staring down at him. I hold my head in the palm of my hand, listening to his distant voice. I watch as my bird friends join me in the sill of my window, quietly enjoying the distant scene of him teaching some of the boys how to properly wield a sword.
I watch through the whole lesson, staring dreamily at him as he attempts to teach his students, watching the boys fumble with their wooden swords and awkwardly jab at each other. He pinches the bridge of his nose, seemingly disappointed in their inability. As his gaze turns up for a moment, I give him a wide and dreamy smile down, my birds continuing to pile beside me as I lazily wave at him from my own perch. He lends me a small grin, waving back, that warm glow coming back into my stomach with that little grin of his.
Quickly I realize my actions, slamming shut the window, causing a stir between my birds and own senses, jumping inside my room and clutching my beating chest. I can't look at him like this. I can't think about him like this anymore, I repeat to myself over and over again. He isn't mine. I seat myself back on my bed, his face etched back into my mind. It feels like I'm doing something illegal. Fakir is for Antoinette, so I can't like him anymore. But why do I still feel this way? And why won't it go away? Why won't this burning need for him to be with me just leave?
After letting myself be glum for a couple long moments, I decide to change out of my uncomfortable unitard and into my last clean nightgown, one that I've had since I was eleven. It is a faded pink, and a bit see-through from wear, but it's all I have left at this point. I curse at myself for always falling asleep in uncomfortable day clothes.
A knock on my door startles me for a moment, catching me right as I pull on a clean pair of underwear. I peek open the door, curious as to who could be here midday. Antoinette thrusts me back as soon as the door even opens a crack, slamming the door behind me. I hear her screaming about something. About how I'm making her look bad in front of Fakir, how I'm actively sabotaging her chances with him, and that my little stunt just made him sympathize with me even more. I stare down at my feet, listening to her irately screaming at me. I just nod along, even if I didn't do it on purpose, I know I hurt her.
"You need to stop seducing him! You're such a stupid bitch!" She berates, and I shrink down, apologizing. She looks around the room, searching for something. "Where is it? Where is the gift I gave you this morning?" Her voice demands, shaking my entire room as I nervously shrug.
"I think it's in my knapsack… Why do you ask?" I rummage around nervously, pulling the neon yellow duck out, and clutching him to my chest. Though as fast as I shield him, she rips him from my hands, attempting to unlatch my window. I reach my arm out in protest, quickly following after her. I want to keep him. Even if it doesn't mean anything, it was still something kind and I appreciated him!
"Wait! Don't do that!" I try to grab hold of her arm to stop her from throwing it, wanting to keep the little shred of kindness she had given me, but she jerks me away, pushing me down to the floor.
"No! You made me look like an idiot in there! You're an absolute bitch, and you take all my kindness and step all over it! Just like everyone else does!" I watch the window fly open, the little duck managing to soar quite a few feet, landing somewhere I can't quite pinpoint. It might not be broken, but I don't know where it lands at all. I scramble up, trying to see where he may have landed. Turning to her, I try to rescind into my wall, inadvertently cornering myself.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! I couldn't help it!" Something about her scares me at this moment. I feel flashes of a completely different time spill into my head. Her words just jumble into noises, and I can no longer truly focus on anything but the pain in my chest. She becomes an abstract shape, just as jumbled as her words. I know she's still yelling at me, though I'm almost completely blank in my mind, shielding myself from the abuse. I notice as she gets more and more irate. I try to snap back, but I feel like I can't pull myself back to the moment at hand, for whatever reason. Tears aren't even able to strain themselves out as I just nod along to her insults, taking everything I'm being told, just weakly trying to shield myself from her.
I'm finally brought back as she breaks me into reality with a hard smack to my cheek. Something that knocks me to my floor, the prickling pain of her palm against my flesh is painful enough to finally emit a yelp from my lips.
"Don't mock me! You are nothing without me!" She screams down at me before turning out the door with a final venomous threat. "Are you ready for everyone to know you and Fakir have been sleeping together? Because that's what's going to happen if you keep fucking with my feelings like this!" I open my mouth, ready to cry back in protest, but I can't get anything out over her mocking my cries. My door is slammed and I'm alone in my room.
I'm going to be ridiculed by everyone and Fakir will think I started to spread that rumor. Everything is going to work out the opposite of how I hoped, and I can only really blame myself. I stand up, wobbly on my feet, walking down the stairs towards the showers, too numb to care if anyone sees me. I undress, wrapping a towel around my chest, hiding the rest of my fragile body, walking into the surprisingly abandoned shower room.
After my towel is wrapped around my body tightly, I start for the sinks. I start splashing cold water on the spot that she had hit. Cold water helps not leave marks, from what I remember Dad teaching me. It makes me shiver and have to gulp down breaths of the warm air surrounding me to even feel like anything is happening to me. The droplets of frigid water drip down my chin and neck, pooling between my feet and down the drain of the sink. I repeat splashing my face until I hear the door creak open.
"Are you decent, Ahiru?" Fakir asks rather softly from the crack in the door. I look down at my towel, clutching it tightly in one hand as I give a shaky and cracked response.
"Yeah, come in, Fakir." I listen to the door creak open further and I grip my towel even tighter to my chest.
"Someone said they heard a fight coming from your room. Is everything okay?" He doesn't move from his spot in the doorframe, just watching me. I turn to face him, nodding my head as I keep one hand on my cheek, the other on my towel. He's leaning against it, his hair long and loose today, for whatever reason. He's wearing a black shirt and brown pants that hug him tightly.
"I'm fine, it was just a misunderstanding. It's been resolved." I smile at him, holding myself back from stepping closer and making a fatal mistake of slipping into his arms. But instead he takes those steps closer, staring down at me, completely unconvinced.
"Move your hand then." He demands. I hesitate back, though he cups my own hand with his, gently trying to pull me away. His thumb rubs very softly against my skin, and I nuzzle my cheek closer in his hand. Though, recognizing my weakness to his intimacies, I pull back from him, pressing my back against the sink as both my hands grab onto it for dear life. He steps forward again, his hand cupping my now bare cheek. His cold hands rubbing the hot, red patch on my porcelain. His eyebrow raises, staying as intimidating as usual.
"You act like this is okay," Fakir removes his hand and steps back from me, hands sliding into his pockets. I'm so touch starved that the moment his hand moves away, I suddenly feel my body become uncomfortably weak. "And you know that this isn't deep down. You may be stupid, but you're not that stupid. You're like an infant, careless-" I stare up at him, glaring and shouting back.
"I know how to take care of myself, Fakir!" I realize my tone and walk towards the shower stalls like a dog with her tail between her legs, stepping inside and releasing the towel from around my body as soon as the door is closed.
"It sure as hell doesn't seem like it," His words grip into me as I turn on the faucet. "Keep hanging out with those girls and you're going to get beaten and bruised into submission. You're no different than you were all those years ago, you moron." The changing room door closes behind his footsteps, and I'm once again lonely in this large place. The water is hot enough to burn my back, though I just sit there, letting it roll down my shoulders and bare body, drowning my thoughts out in the rush of water bursting from the shower head. He's right to a certain degree, I think.
After drying off, I think over Fakir's words. It pulls a string of similar beads and thoughts together, but it breaks. I slip into my pajamas yet again and start drudging back to my room, as his words ring in my ears, striking me in the gut as I begin recognizing what he means.
I used to be resilient to this sort of treatment. People could never walk on me when I was younger, not even Fakir. I could talk back, confidently argue, make myself heard, even if I knew I was weird. Was it my need for validation that kicked in, after puberty fully started? Was it my vulnerability in those situations? I wasn't a weak willed person before, so what changed?
My room is the same as I left it before, with my window wide open and the spring breeze making them clack against the off white walls. I sigh, realizing that I should have probably at least taken the steps to tidy up.
Sitting in my window sill, I stare into the sky, just lost in my mind until it's well into the night. I shake my head, looking around, unsure of what happened. It felt like I wasn't even completely myself in those moments, my mind and body disassociating from each other completely in those long hours. I shake myself off, staring at the stars, curious to see them in full one more time.
I shift myself, sitting atop the high roof and staring out into the sky. I remember the only other time I came out onto the roof of any building, just to watch the stars pass me and the world. It was always beautiful like this. Something about this time of night made me weak to Fakir's words. I stand on the roof, letting my dress drift in the breeze. I move to the very edge, sitting very delicately and watching the stars drift further along their set path in life. It's strange to know how far away they are, how some of them might even be burnt out by now. I start tracing out constellations my parents taught me all those years ago. A smile crosses my lips as I point out Taurus in the sky. My birth sign, I remember.
As I finally grow tired of the delicate twilight, I recede into my room once again. I feel safe in this moment, under these blankets, like a bird in a nest, far away from any impending danger. Closing my eyes, I let my dreams grace me.
An ugly duckling, abandoned in a lake. I swim along downstream, watching all the other ducks wobble behind their mother duck. I continue to float alone, wondering where my momma duck could be. I try to quack out, but no one looks at me. I waddle out from the water, lost and cold as I waddle through a large town with countless buildings looming over my head. I don't know how but I manage to find myself inside a little cottage, peering behind boxes as a large figure walks in. I quack loudly, not really knowing why, just wanting to catch his attention. He kneels down, scooping me up into his arms, placing me inside of his warm jacket. I smile, snuggling further against him. He places me on his desk, stroking the feathers on my head.
His face is always obstructed, and I quack out, snuggling more into his hand as he jots into a small journal. I watch him write, but I don't recognize the letters. I quack up at him, asking him to read it. He understands me and obliges, reading a tale about a princess stuck in a duck's body, the spell only broken by the kiss of her prince. I turn towards him, quacking again, asking if he can kiss me.
"Oh? Are you a princess stuck in a duck's body?" He chuckles, kissing the top of my head. A flash of light, and I'm a girl, sitting in front of him on top of his desk. I stare at him and smile.
"I am, Fakir," I giggle, stroking his hair, as he stares up at me, confused and flustered. I settle down from his desk, kissing his cheek.
As soon as I wake up, however, I devastate myself. I'm not a princess. And he's not my prince, sadly. I'm just a student with feelings that aren't okay. As the week blurrily passes, my cheek no longer throbs and is no longer red. I struggle to pull on my daytime clothes, just slouching for a long moment. I listlessly watch the day start passing by. I swing the window back open, letting the sweet spring air kiss my skin. I smile as I lay out more bird seed for my feathered friends, leaving the window open.
I lean out the window and watch as Fakir walks across the campus, hands still slipped into his pockets. He's walking alone, and I perk up, thinking that maybe I can talk to him. Though as quickly as I notice him, I watch as a student runs up to him, distracting him immediately. Pulling back from my window, I still dress myself, peering out my window once I'm decent. I watch as the student points up towards my window, and Fakir bolt towards my dormitory.
I shut my window, and tightly lock it, all breath leaving my lungs as I realize what's happened almost instantly. Antoinette told everyone that he and I slept together. I watch my door push open and I cower back. Fakir opens the door, and slams it shut behind him, staring me down.
"Are you okay?" Fakir asks, looking over me carefully as he pulls back my sleeves, looking me over. My heart races, caught in my throat as I'm unable to speak. He grips onto my shoulders and shakes me.
"Answer me!"
"I'm fine!" I manage to croak out. "Why, what's wrong?" Fakir doesn't answer, continuing to look frantic and scared.
"Show me your thighs, Ahiru. Bare." I feel my cheeks flush as I grip onto my skirt tightly, pulling it down more. I want him to see what was under, but not when he is like this.
"What is this all about, Fakir?" He, once again, does not answer, instead pushing me onto my bed, his hands rising under my skirt. I feel his hot breath against my stomach as he feels up my legs, sending a confused wave through my spine of sexual tension. His hands grip onto my thighs, thumbing over my sensitive flesh and I finally manage to thrust him off, hearing him fall to the ground. He growls, his face visibly exhausted as he stands again, pinning my hands down to the bed with just one of his.
"I'm making sure you're not hurt, you idiot!" He slams my hands down once more into the bed. A warning. I realize that as his free hand starts tracing the outside of my thighs once more. They pull against my panties, searching for something.
"Stop it, you asshole!" He squeezes my wrists, glaring down at me. Before anything else can be said or touched, I feel his head press down against mine, sighing in defeat. He's holding my shoulders very gently before starting again. He removes his hands from my wrists, my eyes shut tightly as I'm just underneath his body. His tired eyes look down at me, concerned
"Someone said they saw you on the roof a couple of nights ago, hanging off the edge." I look up at him, catching his eyes as he furrows his brow even more. "What were you doing out there?"
"Star gazing. I wasn't going to jump off or anything!" He loosens his grip, pressing me into him. Another tight embrace. The loving, longing one I have been missing for all these months. I grip onto him, his heart throbbing in his chest, against my face. I feel his fingers clinging to my body as tightly as I keep him against me.
"You're an idiot, you know that?" He jokes, stroking my hair. I chuckle, nodding into him as I want to sink in.
"As long as you know you're a meanie," I look up at him as his fingers pull through my hair gingerly. This is comfortable. The circumstances, not as much, but being in his arms again. He leers at me, pulling away from our embrace, and helping me to my feet.
"If anyone catches you on the roof again, I will not hesitate to strip search you to make sure you have no suicidal tendencies." He threatens, completely serious. I puff out my cheeks, trying to retort.
"That's not fair! I'm not even gonna do anything!"
"Does that matter?" He inches up my skirt, rubbing the outside of my thigh. "Besides, you seem to not mind my hands all over you." I watch him stick his tongue out of his mouth, and blood rushes to my face as I start eagerly pushing him out.
"Don't say things like that! You're my teacher!" His heels are dug into the ground, rooted in my room as I fruitlessly push on his chest. He fake yawns and stares down at me.
"You're not saying that I'm wrong." He pushes my back onto the bed, pinning me between his arm and the rest of his body. He leans down, his grin devious as my face becomes increasingly red. His hand rises up my chest, before standing up and walking towards the door. "I better not hear of you trying to jump off the roof, or hurting yourself."
I nod and watch his hips sashay. God, they're nice hips, I tell myself. I watch him until he closes the door, my mind snapping out. Wait, was I just staring at his butt? I shake my head and try to remove it from my mind. Though I still feel his soft hand on my thighs and chest, making my heart flutter away like a butterfly through a thick summer breeze. His hands don't feel like they've left me. But then I realize, someone had to tell him something, to give him that very touchy reaction. What did Antoinette tell people?