Chapter 14

Linka tried to read the latest novel by her favourite fantasy author but not even that could absorb her whole attention. She kept thinking back to her call with Gi, and the later one with Kwame, and only Wheeler's continued presence beside her was keeping her from fidgeting.

The Fire Planeteer lounged in the corner of their sofa with one arm around his wife. Georgie sat at the other end with her legs curled under her, and the Trans had taken the arm chairs. Clash had opted to camp out on the beach again, and had returned there after dinner.

They were watching a film on what Mr Tran called their 'severely undersized TV', although Wheeler was paying more attention to the tension he felt in his wife's frame than the movie.

"Wanna go for a walk?" He whispered close to her ear, trying not to attract the others' attention.

She nodded, putting her bookmark in her page and standing with him.

"Going somewhere?" Mrs Tran framed it as a question but Linka felt like it was a criticism. She knew the woman was not happy that she was allowed to go to Gi when her own mother wasn't, but she also knew it wasn't just that.

Wheeler rested a comforting arm around her shoulders, "Heading down to the beach for a walk, but we'll probably turn in after, there's lots to do tomorrow."

Gi's mother sniffed, "Another early night."

"Maybe you should try it." Linka snapped, knowing that she wasn't being polite but not caring in that moment.

Georgie choked back a laugh, turning it into a coughing fit, and tried to hide behind her glass of lemonade.

Mr Tran looked round and smiled benignly, ignoring his wife's fury and embarrassment. "A good night's sleep does do wonders."

Mrs Tran sniffed again, containing her annoyance although her tone was now openly irritated, "Go for your walk."

Wheeler pulled Linka out of the room before she could say anything else, and managed to get her as far as the pier before she exploded, "This is our home, not hers, she has no right to dismiss us! Or judge us for that matter!"

"Shhh, keep your voice down Babe." She glared up at him in the moonlight, "I know, believe me I know, but we need to keep the peace for Gi's sake."

She let him start them walking again, leaning into his side but clearly not happy.

They walked in silence, letting the beauty of the setting and the cool sea breezes calm their ruffled nerves.

Low voices ahead surprised them but as Commander Clash's campsite came into view, they saw that Gaia was sitting with him. She was more solid than usual and the two of them were looking out over the ocean chatting like old friends.

The American would have gone on to join them but Linka gestured for him to be quiet and signalled that they should go back the other way. When they were out of earshot she said, "they are both very solitary, it is good for them to find friendship, and I think we would be in the way, even if they did not mind."

Wheeler kissed her head, "you wanna sit out here for a bit or go back to our cabin?" He didn't mention re-joining the others because he was pretty sure neither of them wanted to do that.

"Let us walk back, unless you want to stay out here for a while?"

"Nah, I'm good." He hugged her closer for a moment and they wandered back together as silent as they'd started out.

Wheeler kicked off his shoes and flopped back on the end of the bed, watching Linka as she put her book on the bedside cabinet.

He laughed suddenly, "I can't believe you told Gi's mom she needed to get laid."

"I did not say that!" Linka protested, her cheeks flaming. She sat in the desk chair and bent to remove her trainers and place them neatly out of the way. "If that is what she was thinking, it is her own fault."

Wheeler laughed again and stretched, "It is what she was thinking, but I don't get why she cares. Gi and Pontus were living together and she didn't mind."

"She did." Linka told him, walking over to the end of the bed and climbing up to sit astride his legs, "Gi did not tell her until they invited her here for the wedding and she was... not kind about it. She only relented because Gi made it clear the wedding would happen with or without her."

"Ouch." Wheeler sighed, "I always thought they had a good relationship."

"They do, normally. I think that made it worse." Linka sighed and placed a hand on his stomach, "Why is everything so complicated?"

"That's people for you," he placed a hand over hers, "We made it kinda complicated for ourselves for a while there, but when you really love someone you don't stay mad forever."

Linka smiled, "Can we talk?"

Sitting up on his elbows, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Linka's posture softened further and she put her hands either side of his chest so that she could lean over and kiss him. "I just want to spend some time talking with my husband, the way we did when we were away… I know it wasn't that long ago but it feels like it is."

Resting his weight on one arm, he put his other around her waist and gently pulled her back down to his lips, "Ok." He grinned and released her so that they could crawl up to the top of the bed and settle back in each other's arms against the pillows. "So what do you want to talk about?"

"I do not know," she snuggled into him, "you smell nice."

Wheeler laughed, "You wanna talk about how I smell?"

"Nyet, it was just a comment."

"It's what, peaches? I need to find something other than your shower gel or I'm gonna be taken for a girl."

She poked him in the side, "That does not linger, and it is not peaches it is all you."

"At least you like it." He commented, still laughing at her, and gave her a quick kiss when she agreed.

"How about best and worst memories from before we met?" Linka suggested after a short pause, "Something we would not already know but it would be good to share."

Wheeler looked at her dubiously, "You know I'll tell you anything you want to know, but are you sure you actually want that? I just feel like we were really different people before we joined the Planeteers… I don't want anything to make you think differently about me."

"Is there something I could say that would make you feel different about me?" She asked seriously.

He looked down into her eyes, "No! Never!"

She reached up and cupped the side of his face, "Then have a little more faith in my feelings too Jason. I know you were not a saint… but I also know that things were not great for you growing up. If it is too painful…?"

Wheeler kissed her forehead, "You didn't have it easy either and old wounds don't bother me much Babe, it's just…"

"You are not like your father," she guessed what was bothering him, "I know you better than anyone and that has never worried me."

Shaking his head, "He didn't start out like that either."

"No one does." She argued, "It is not about who he is but how he deals with things. You never take things out on others, you are supportive and caring… you blame yourself for things too often, and when you feel like that you shut us out, which I do not like, but even that is a misguided attempt to protect us."

He laughed softly, "I guess it's a good thing you know me so well…what do you want first then? Good or bad."

"Bad," she whispered without hesitation.

Wheeler nodded but took a minute to think about his answer, at last he said, "You know, I don't want to downplay some of the stuff that went on but, 'worst' has gotta stand out, right?" She nodded silently, worry in her eyes though she wasn't about to change her mind.

"A lot of it was just how it was, and it could've been a lot worse. You hear stories you know?" he wasn't expecting an answer and carried on without a break. "So anyway, there was a time when my Dad cared what people thought of him and playing happy families in public was all important. You did not air your dirty laundry, 'cos you knew what you got if you did. And I thought that was just how it was, like for everyone."

Linka turned her head and kissed his shoulder, wanting to support him without interrupting.

"I had this friend, Tommy. I'd known him since kindergarten and we used to play together a lot, but it was normally at his house, which I was fine with because he and his brothers had the best stuff. Like cool computer games and bikes, skateboards… and his Dad would come out and play ball with us and laugh and joke around." He swallowed and gave a rueful laugh, "He hugged his kids and showed off the things they'd won when the other parents were around. I mean my Dad was never like that, so whatever Mr Miller was like behind closed doors, I figured they still had a sweet deal. Man I wanted to be part of that family!"

Snuggling in closer and smiling when he hugged her back, though she knew this story would not end well, Linka asked, "What happened?"

The Fire Planeteer sighed, "I was six or seven, Tommy's Mom had had to go somewhere for the day so she'd left him at our place. We were playing in my bedroom when my Dad got home. He'd been drinking and I guess Mom was trying to hush him up because Tommy was there… only, telling my Dad to keep his voice down always had the opposite effect." He rubbed his free hand over his face and through his hair, while the other stayed firmly around Linka. "He wasn't happy that we had a guest… when Mom cried out Tommy went running to see what had happened and I couldn't stop him… he saw him hit her."

Wheeler shook his head and cradled his wife close as she sought to comfort him. "I dragged him back to my room but he was terrified, turns out not everyone's Dad is like that after all. Anyway, Mrs Miller picked him up and I was told to go and open the door while Mom called out from the kitchen… Dad had passed out in the bedroom so the coast was clear. It was too late though."

"He told?" Linka guessed.

"Yeah… there was some kind of 'discussion' between his Dad and mine and then they just said we couldn't play together anymore."

"That is awful, did you talk to Tommy about it?" she asked, looking up at him.

Wheeler shook his head, "He wouldn't say anything but that his parents had said to stay away from me but… I don't think it was really them, you know? Even back then I got that he'd been freaked out, and that was the worst of it, knowing I'd lost a friend because my life was just so messed up."

Linka kissed his cheek and rested her head against his, "I am sorry Lyubov, this was a bad idea."

"Nah, it's fine. I told you, old wounds." He took a moment to breathe in the scent of her, letting it calm him. "Your turn."

She sighed and settled back against his shoulder. "I really did not think this through, I have already told you about losing my parents, and nothing else came close until... Boris."

He kissed her temple, "it's not a competition, just tell me something I don't know. Anything you want to share."

She took a few moments and then said, "there was something, when my Papa was alive. We only have a small library in our town and I had exhausted all of the stories that appealed to me. Papa promised to take me to the library in the next town at the weekend but he was offered overtime in the mine and he could not afford to refuse it... So I went on my own."

"How old were you?"

"Eight, maybe Nine? It was a long walk but I was angry. I did not understand why Papa had to work so much and I suppose I thought I was making a statement or something." She shrugged. "Anyway, I found my way without any trouble and there were so many new books I forgot all of my grievances. I collected some and found a quiet corner to read... at some point I fell asleep."

"Uh oh." Wheeler sounded amused, and it insensibly made her feel better about telling him.

She nodded, "it was dark when the librarian found me. He was wanting to lock up and go home and so very unhappy to have found a stray child. He shook me awake and started yelling, I was so afraid that I could not answer his questions which annoyed him more."

Wheeler's arms tightened protectively around her, all trace of amusement gone from his face. "It is ok Lyubov, thinking back on it now, he was probably worried for me. He could have just thrown me out into the night, but instead he called the police. They did not yell but they were not particularly friendly either, I was a nuisance."

"You were a kid!"

She nodded, "I thought they were arresting me, but when we got back to the station they sat me down and gave me a glass of water. I was able to give them my name and telephone number then... Only Grandmuska told them that Papa had already set out for the library when he had returned from work, so then they had to send someone back there to wait for him."

Linka snuggled into her husband's embrace, seeking to dispel the chills that ran through her. "I have never seen my father so angry. He was tired from work and I had worried him, and then having to endure the embarrassment of a lecture from the police... all I wanted was for him to hold me and tell me that it was going to be ok, but he would not even look at me. As we walked back he told me how selfish I was and what the money meant for our family... I cried all of the way home and ran to my room refusing to let Grandmuska comfort me."

"That was cruel!" He was holding her like he could reach back and hug the scared little girl.

"Our lives were hard, he needed me to understand. He never yelled or hit me, he did not even hold a grudge, he never mentioned it again."

Wheeler kissed her head, "if he knew you at all then he knew he hurt you worse than hitting you. You take that stuff to heart, I might have needed a lesson like that, but you would have listened if he'd just explained... or at least he should have made sure you were ok first."

Linka bit her lower lip nervously before saying, "he did not understand... and I hurt him back by refusing to go with him the next time he offered to take me. I could not, the thought of going there terrified me, but he thought I was just being stubborn and it all still hurt so much I could not explain. He never offered again, which I was grateful for."

"Babe that's just…" he shook his head. "Did you ever explain it to him?"

Her eyes filled his tears though she smiled at him, "we ran out of time, but it was forgotten by then anyway."

Wheeler didn't argue, he just held her close and rubbed her arms and back comfortingly until she relaxed again. At last he said, "On to the good times then, right?

"…da."

Hearing her hesitation Wheeler tilted his head round to catch her eyes, "What?"

"What?" she blinked.

"I don't know, there was something… are you worried I don't have any good memories? I do." He assured her.

Linka gave him a wry smile, "I am sure you do, I hope that there are many… I am just not sure how much I want to hear about you and Trish."

That made the American laugh, a carefree sound that sizzled through her blood and warmed her heart.

Still grinning, "Ok, I won't deny that a lot of the better days I had back then were spent hanging with Trish and Frankie and the guys, and yeeaaah Trish and I made a few extra memories here and there. Mostly though they were just highlights of an average day, a chance to forget what I had to deal with when I got home, which I never really forgot. The best day I remember before the day I met you?"

Linka rolled her eyes at him but she was smiling so he kept going. "I was Ten and trying to work out how to be a tough guy. Aunty Ali was having a rough time with being pregnant so Mom let Uncle Donnie persuade her to go stay with them, and she took me with her. I wasn't happy about it to start with but I actually had a great couple of weeks. It was the school holidays and my Uncle was in full practice mode for 'Dad of the year'; we played basketball, he helped me with homework – which is like the only time I ever actually did homework – we watched football on a decent TV, played video games, he even took me to a baseball game."

"I thought you preferred hockey?"

"I wasn't going to tell him that!" he gave her a look like he thought she was crazy and she dissolved into giggles.

"Anyway, it wasn't that, though all that was cool. It was the day they brought Joey home…. You know I'd never tell anyone else this, right?" she nodded, her eyes full of love, "Ok well… it's not like I wanted to hold him, I mean I was ten, babies were for girls as far as I was concerned, I didn't know why anyone would go gooey over them. I was sitting there trying to watch the game and doing my best to ignore the rest of them, and feeling a bit like a fifth wheel if I'm honest, no pun intended. Uncle Donnie went to do something with the car, Mom went to make dinner and before I knew what was happening, Aunty Ali was telling me she needed the bathroom and she gives me the baby and leaves."

Linka started to shake as she tried to hold in her mirth, "Yeah you can laugh, I was stunned. I don't know what shocked me more, the fact that she'd trusted me with him or that I was actually sitting there with a kid in my arms. But then he opened his eyes, and instead of crying – which I totally expected – he grabbed hold of my t-shirt and yawned… I don't know, I don't think I can actually explain what I felt but, I knew then I needed to be there for him, you know? Like a big brother maybe."

Her eyes once more a little glassy with unshed tears, Linka smiled and nodded. "And you have been, he looks up to you, it is obvious you are close."

Wheeler shrugged, "I went over there to help out when I could, they were happy to pay me to babysit so it was a good deal for both of us."

"You will make a good Papa some day." She told him, a slight blush stealing over her cheeks.

"If I do, you can thank Uncle Donnie. Even after Joey came along he treated me like I was one of his kids, he taught me a lot about family and what it means to be a decent guy. The only thing I ever learned from my Dad was what I wasn't going to be like." He hesitated and then said, "…. So you like the idea of having kids?"

Linka nodded, looking a little shy, "Not yet… I mean we really do need to spend some time just being a couple but, eventually? Da. Do you? I have heard you talk about it like it is your right, but not as something you want…?"

"Yeah," Wheeler agreed, "Like you said, not right away but, yeah. Definitely."

She looked so pleased it made him grin, and the grin widened as she moved to sit astride his lap. "Time for bed da?"

"Technically you still need to tell me another story," he teased, "but it can wait until we're under the covers if you like."

Linka shook her head, "I do not have an interesting story to tell, I was just going to say that I remember a family New Year when all of my closest relations were alive, and together. It is not a clear memory because I was very little but I remember how it felt. It was bright and colourful, and everyone was happy and laughing, and there was music and food and presents. I was safe and surrounded by love with no idea things could be a different way. Mishka does not believe that I really remember being there, he thinks I have put it together in my mind from stories and pictures, but I do… and that is what I want for our family in the future."

"I promise," he replied seriously, sealing it with a gentle kiss to her lips.

She relaxed into his embrace, returning his affection and no longer feeling the need for words.

To be continued…