A/N: Another bit on "Her."

Let's consider the last part (Safety in Me) non-canon within this already non-canon AU. I don't like the idea of a trans person's life having to be defined by tragedy, even if it's fictional. It's not a good moral to tell, though I can't say that tragedy isn't in everyone's life - it just doesn't need to be the only thing I write about in this one.

So, this is connected to the SRS/GCS (Sex Reassignment Surgery/Gender Confirmation Surgery) plot I wrote about in a story on AO3 ("The Things We Say") I'm not going to shy away from a few technical aspects or from the reality of the thing, so I mean... if the word vagina makes you uncomfortable you'll stop reading now or grow up.

This is just one method of transition. This doesn't define everyone's and shouldn't define anything, really. This is just stuff that I know of, and is in no way intended to be the "right" or "only" description of transitioning.

A few hours go by in that waiting room. He leaves to get food and feels like shit for it, feeling like he's abandoning her, but the nurse at the front desk tells him it's okay and these take a while. She even tells him that if she's done early - he knows that's not really a thing, but it's nice to hear - that they'll let her know he's only getting a sandwich a few blocks away. Still, it feels terrible to leave her alone like that.

The thing that amazed Andy about her is that she'd been going to do these things for years. The immense bravery it must have taken to walk in here shocks him and makes him so proud to know April. She's had surgeries alone even, when her father refused to go and her mother didn't want to be seen with her. It puts a new light on April, and makes Andy inspect his feelings further. It's a really weird thing to do, but knowing that she's gone to have things about her body, her hormones, her face even, changed because she wants something different changes how he looks at her. She went from this amazing woman he's falling for to this amazing, brave, indomitable woman and he can easily say he's in love.

A few hours, and the lack of that tapping foot of hers and her shaky hand in his makes Andy replace them himself. He taps and shakes, and waits. Then, he can see her.

"You'll be admitted for six to eight days, barring any further complications," the doctor tells her and April just nods along.

This is where she wants to be - who she wants to be - and this is just the final step. She could have lived fine as a woman before this surgery, but April had to consider if she wanted to. She can't explain it to Andy, at least the really gross nitty-gritty, but she does tell him that it's something she thinks about and his only response, because of course it is, is that she should do whatever makes her happy. Leslie, likewise, supports her completely even if she can't be there for the day prepping for the surgery or now - when she's actually out of it.

She notices how weirdly uncomfortable she feels, but the physical sensations change. She knows that. The doctors told her that, and she knows to be patient.

"After that, we can send you on your way save for routine check-ups here," he adds and stays lecturing her at bedside. "You'll have to continue using the prosthesis, but after the bedrest we'll give you instructions on how to take care of yourself afterwards."

"Thanks," April says quietly, because she trusts this doctor. She's trusted him since her first facial surgery.

"And April, if you need... it's likely a terrible idea on my part, but if you need any help," he smiles and the wrinkles of his face show plainly. "We know places, and we know homes and families."

April looks over to see Andy waving at her from the windowed door. "I think I'm fine," she says.

For eight weeks, after her bedrest, April has to figure out what the hell her timeline looks like. There's figures and diagrams and instructions and more diagrams about her prosthesis and... and all she knows is she has a vagina.

So, April figures it out. She has to leave the prosthesis in for eight weeks with decreasing times, and she's just unsure about these times but every time she goes to check-up they say she's doing fine. Things are healthy and normal, and it feels so right to be normal that she has regular breakdowns. Andy's never far away and she's happy that he's there, but it's so weird being this medical and technical with something that other people don't have to worry about this over.

"But you're not other people," Andy told her when she voiced that. "You're April, and you gotta... whatever you gotta do to be April is what you do. We'll figure it out, but yeah-"

He didn't get much more out because April kissed him on the spot.

But she does figure it out and makes sense of timetables and diagrams and gross check-ups that make her feel all exposed and weird. But if the goal at the end of this is attainable - "proper" sensation and physically feeling like a whole person that she's meant to be - then fuck it if April isn't going to let herself feel all exposed and weird.

She knows he wants to have sex. It's fair, and it's reasonable, so those eight weeks where he knows that she's on a clock make him antsy as all get. But it's unsafe then, and it's not even going to really do much for her if she can't feel anything right then, so they have to wait for the prosthesis timings and for when she's feeling full sensations and the check-ups stop. When that's over, sex is on the table. For those eight weeks though, he behaves.

Then the eight weeks are up. Healing goes along spectacularly, and it's the first thing in a long time that goes April's way.

When they get home, and Leslie's away, and April knows that the prosthesis isn't anywhere near her but neglects to tell Andy, she hides her smirk. When he goes to sit down at the couch she sits across his lap and stares in his eyes. April smiles and kisses him, chuckling at how eager he is. After a few moments they break apart and he's still sitting there staring at her - something he's grown used to doing when they can't go any farther.

"Hey Andy," she says with a small voice, because this is a weird thing to say to someone.

"Hmm?" he asks, unable to form a real sentence.

"Eight weeks is up," she answers him in that same, small voice.

"Oh, yeah, cool," he nods, because she's never told him what one of the options for keeping herself healthy and in-line with daily dilations is. It's a secret, because she wants to surprise him. "So, what's next? Is there, like, another schedule or-?"

She kisses him again because she doesn't want to laugh or get nervous. With his hands on her waist and that kiss, she steels herself.

"You know what I'm supposed to do now?" she does laugh because God, she's just being mean to him now.

"What?"

She kisses him, and shows him plainly what she's supposed to do - daily - in the name of health. That's what she says, anyways, when Leslie finds them covered in a blanket and sweaty and so tired that April wants to cry because she's so fucking happy. This is in the name of health, and they're sorry about her couch but it's been an hour since their conversation and that moment and April isn't even really sure what time is for a little while. All she knows is they have to do this every day and she's definitely, completely, enthusiastically okay with that.

That first check-up afterward, to check for proper dilation and vaginal depth and width and all that technical crap, she looks at the doctor with a shy smile when he asks if she's been keeping up her schedule.

"No," she answers. "I've, um, been doing the other thing. Instead of the prosthesis... y'know-"

He grins and laughs, because it's weird but it's honest and natural, too. Still, it's kind of hard to say that she's been having sex a lot in the name of health. Or something like that. Honestly, the doctor asks her the frequency of the encounters and he almost falls backward. April laughs and Andy walks in with a candy bar, chewing vigorously and with some chocolate stained on his hand from obviously grabbing the bar.

"So, what's up?" he asks, chewing still and with a bit of brown chocolate smeared on the corner of his mouth.

"Whatever makes you happy," the doctor answers, chuckling still. "Just be careful, because you're still healing."

"Okay, Andy and I will stop ruining every surface of Leslie's house," she says, smiling because Andy's eyes widen. "We'll just have regular, boring sex once a day..."

"Wait, does she have to do that?" Andy asks, putting the candy bar in his pocket and walking forward. "I mean, if she has because I could hurt her then that's cool, but-"

"Andy, you can continue your current... erm, schedule," the doctor smiles broadly as he speaks. "But, just be careful. Maybe take a breather or a break every few days or so."

"Oh, cool," he nods and April shakes her head.

So, they don't have a schedule, really, but April remembers to take Saturdays off. Sort of. They only do it once on Saturdays. But it counts, and when she asks about that schedule they say it's fine and definitely healthier to at least have some kind of dilation once a day. If she doesn't want to use the prosthesis again, then she'll "have" to have sex with Andy.

Oh, darn.

At around four o'clock in the morning, or really who knows April isn't paying attention to any clock, she sits up with the blanket over her chest and staring at Andy. He's lost in watching her, playing with the ends of her hair and staring. It's sweet and everything she never knew she could have, and finding someone has been the best experience of her life. Yes, Leslie would always be treasured for letting her have a place to stay, and day after day of being interrupted by her in the middle of what she calls their daily dilation, or sometimes their bi-daily and differently positioned dilation, is getting tiring. Eventually, and after months of saving up, she can actually get her own place.

Maybe with Andy.

"Hey," she says meekly. "You know... I, um, how I was gonna tell you something at the clinic?"

Andy continues to stare up at her, just listening and twirling her hair.

"A few months ago," she shrugs and looks down again. "Um, hey. So, I love you."

His hand doesn't stop twirling and he doesn't stop staring up at her. While her chest burns up and she feels like she's saying too much, too quickly, Andy just stares. And it's, honestly, fucking terrifying. For a moment she wonders if he doesn't feel the same way, or if he's happy with having gotten sex from her finally and now he's going to move on, and so many other things that him sitting up and kissing her catches April off guard.

She leans into it and he breaks off, smiling.

"Do you... y'know. Do you, too?" she says stupidly, her words all shaky and scared.

"Duh," he laughs.

"Say it," she requests, because she knows - she really does, past any irrational insecurity - but she wants to hear him say it.

Andy smiles wide and kisses her. It's a few breaths and she thinks he might actually refuse her.

"I do. I love you too," he replies and she can't help but grin.

And, of course, those words meant it was time for another nightly dilation.