Welcome back! Did everyone survive the new episode? I didn't! First we had Kane and Abby finally FINALLY admit their feeling! YES! I screamed! And then Lincoln left us (sobs). I cried! It was a helluva ride.
I've got some good/bad news to share! I just found out, like in this last week, that the fam and I are going to be moving across the country in like 2 months or less. While I'm super excited it means there is so much I have to do to get ready. And then on top of that, there's a lot of people coming out to visit. So I'm going to be really really busy, and then without internet for a bit while we set up in our new digs.
So what does it mean for the story? I've got a few more chapters pre-written, just awaiting revisions and some rewrites, but I'm thinking I might just put this story on a temporary hiatus following next week. This isn't set in stone yet- I might surprise myself and be able to keep writing while dealing with everything else- but I'll keep y'all posted.
Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! I love your feedback.
It felt like being hung.
The choker cut into Bellamy's skin and felt tight when he tried to inhale. He wanted to cut the damn thing off but if he dared then Octavia would die. He'd hang himself a thousand times, tie his own noose again and everything, if it meant that his sister would be safe.
He'd once thought that there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for Octavia, until now. He'd kill himself, he'd kill others. He'd done both of these things. He almost said no to the marriage. Almost backed out of the arrangement several times now, in the few hours since being engaged. And he feared he would be tempted many times again.
Looking at Octavia's face reminded him why he needed to do this. Why it was all worth it. He was scaring himself. There had never been an obstacle he couldn't climb for his sister, and now he was almost too cowardly to go through with this. What kind of brother was he?
She was going to hate him when she woke up. He'd broken the last promise he'd made to her, not to mention she would never believe that he'd married Clarke and Lexa without talking to her first. Well, maybe she'd believe it about Clarke since everyone seemed to think they were in love already. He hoped that Octavia would forgive him, and that he could figure out a way to convince her to keep his secret.
Bellamy was exhausted. He wanted nothing more than to take a hot shower—a fanciful dream on the arc, let alone on earth—and scrub the blood off of his face, and then sleep for at least two full days. He wanted to forget about what he was signing himself up for and the life of misery he'd doomed himself to.
Maybe not complete misery he figured, hearing Clarke laugh at something Monty said. He wasn't sure how she could laugh at a time like this, surrounded by all of the sick. Clarke had always been pragmatic, and he respected her ability to put her people first, but sometimes some of her upper-class mannerisms rubbed him the wrong way. Like the way she thought she could make marriage arrangements and then force him to follow.
For a while Bellamy had assumed he and Clarke stood together, as equals, for their people. He'd spent so long at the bottom that the authority he'd gained and influence he had on his people led him to believe he could be a leader. When it came to Clarke, Bellamy was realizing he'd never be anything but her second-in-command. He wasn't sure how she was adjusting to the fact that their people now thought of him as her leader, because so far most of her decisions had been about undermining him.
Bellamy tugged at the choker on his neck, and wished he could scrape the dry blood off of his face. It itched something fierce now that it was dried, and he didn't want to think about all the possible diseases he could get from the blood. Clarke had gotten him into this mess, and if she thought he was going to submit to her every order she had another thing coming.
This was all about Octavia, he reminded himself. His love for her would get him through anything. He could endure anything to keep her safe.
He wasn't sure how much time had passed, staring at Octavia's sleeping face, when someone tapped him on the shoulder.
He spooked, but it was just Clarke.
"You should get some rest," she told him. Probably going through the motions of a doctor. If Clarke really knew him she'd never suggest something so stupid.
Bellamy shook his head, "My sister is sick. I'm not going anywhere."
Clarke looked like she was about to argue, but thought differently, "How about we take shifts? I'll keep an eye on her for a few hours, and then we'll trade."
"I don't need your help," Bellamy snapped, before realizing they had an audience, and forcibly softened his tone, "I've been looking after her my whole life."
Some strange expression flickered across Clarke's face, and she almost looked sad.
"Okay," Clarke said quietly, and without another word she turned and walked to her mother who was beginning rounds to check in on the sick.
Bellamy wasn't sure why Clarke was being so sensitive all of a sudden. They both needed to be hard in order to survive their marriage. The next few days were going to be especially trying, and if she was getting hurt because… because of the truth? She'd spent enough time with him to know that Octavia came first, and Bellamy only trusted himself to keep Octavia safe.
He put the back of his hand to Octavia's forehead. She was burning hot and sweating, but shivering so hard he thought her teeth might start clicking. She hadn't moved from the position Abby and Lincoln had put her in that morning. He'd wiped the sick from her face, but her clothes still smelled. The whole place smelled awful. Like sweat, bile and some places smelled like the latrines. He needed to get Octavia out of here.
"Just a few more hours," Bellamy whispered, hoping she could hear him, "hang in there, O."
There was frost on the ground in the morning. Bellamy wasn't sure how to explain it, but the sunlight seemed weaker. It was just as bright as it was during the summer, but faded somehow. As if by removing the heat from it the light became insignificant. The world seemed a little more washed out and dreary. That may also be due to the fact that he hadn't slept all night, and that he was engaged.
Octavia had gotten sick several times last night, and Bellamy spent the hours softly cleaning her face and making sure she didn't suffocate. She hadn't eaten anything in almost a day, and even Abby was hesitant to let Bellamy try to feed her any broth or tea. Bellamy had tried to wake her up, but all she did was mumble feverish words and start coughing. He'd never been so scared in his whole life.
Clarke had spent the night at the edge of Bellamy's perception. She seemed to be caging him in, directly in his line of sight every time he looked up. The universe was conspiring against him and bringing every little bit of conflict in his life into one room, making it impossible to think or focus on just one because every time Bellamy saw Clarke he grew furious about what she was making him do, and every time Bellamy looked at his sister he grew furious just thinking about what he was going to sacrifice for her.
As impossible as it seemed, his anger was still strong. Bellamy felt burned by the heat of his rage, and tried to keep it tempered. He knew he was a risk for falling prey to his emotions. He always had been, and he knew how to weather his own moods. While most of his angry worked itself out over time, Bellamy couldn't shake the fuel to the fire. The air was cold and his breath misted in the cold light, but he hardly felt it.
Abby had insisted that he and Clarke take some time to get some rest. Both of them had refused. Clarke had finally crashed in a chair in a corner, head tipped back and throat exposed. It meant she was showing off the leather choker even as she slept. Bellamy got a few minutes of shuteye here and there, chin tucked to his chest and his neck strained from the awkward position. He only knew time had passed between closing and opening his eyes because Lincoln arrived and vanished between blinks.
Kane had brought them breakfast in the morning, and let the new fiancés go find somewhere private to eat. There was a long day ahead, and more people were going to want more information about the new Chancellors and about their promise to move into Mt Weather. Also people would be cornering them about their unusual engagement. They should take all of the private time they could right now, before things got really hectic.
Clarke was the last person Bellamy wanted to be around, and she seemed to share this sentiment. They were both perfectly civil in front of Clarke's mother and Kane, and Bellamy even made a show of carrying Clarke's tray of food for her to a spot behind the sick hut and closer to the fence. There were some rocks that had been set out for people to sit on before the sick hut was placed here, and now barely anyone visited the spot. Once they were alone the two of them sat a comfortable distance—much further than lovers would sit—away from one another and ate in silence.
Bellamy was debating the pros and cons of sending scouts to see if Lexa was holding her end of the deal when Clarke spoke up.
"When Lexa arrives we really have to sell the idea that we're in love," she said. She'd stopped eating to look at him.
Bellamy ignored that curtesy and bit into his protein paste, "I'm well aware."
"What do you think we should do?" Clarke asked, "everyone accepted you and I so easily—I mean, everyone seems to think we've been in love for months. But how are we supposed to convince them that we fell in love with Lexa in a matter of days?"
Unfortunately that was a good point. Bellamy set his paste down and chewed thoughtfully. He could think of several examples of couples that he knew really liked one another, and who seemed to speed through relationship states far faster than may be necessary. Most of them were characterized by lots of sex, touching and ignoring everyone around them. He really was only prepared to commit to one of those characteristics, and even then he wanted to keep his hands off of Lexa and Clarke as much as possible. He knew what both of them were capable of and he didn't have a lot of desire to touch them in the first place.
"I worked closely with Lexa, when we fought against Mt Weather," Clarke mused. She hadn't been able to look Bellamy in the eyes since they got engaged and he hated it. Clarke had gone and done this to both of them, and now she was acting like she was the only one suffering.
"Lexa and I have that history, at least, but there's still the fact that she broke her promise to me," Clarke continued, "and we can say that you and Lexa had met a few times before you went into Mt Weather."
"But to explain a whirlwind week-long romance?" Bellamy asked, "that's not enough reason. I have no idea how this three-way marriage thing is supposed to work. Are we all supposed to be equally in love? Are two people actually married and one is the backup? There's a lot that doesn't make sense to me, but I think we can blame the whole thing on you."
Bellamy would be a liar if he claimed not to enjoy the way Clarke flinched. There was nothing as satisfying as lashing out at the people who were causing you grief when they couldn't strike back. It was petty and childish and there was no one to tell Bellamy to grow up right now.
"And what do you mean by that?" Clarke finally asked.
"You and Lexa fell in love while working together," Bellamy explained, "while at the same time you and I were also falling in love—but the distance with me in Mt Weather made it difficult for both of us. When you came back we fell in love again, just as hard, and then when Lexa came into the picture you admitted to me that you fell in love with her. And I went to meet her for negotiations and was prepared to challenge her for your honor, but instead I saw all of the qualities you could fall in love with and I decided that because I loved you so much I would be happy to share you with someone else."
Clarke was staring at him—not meeting his eyes—and her upper lip was curled in disgust, "You make me sound like a… a…"
"A what?" Bellamy prompted. If she said anything along the lines of slut or whore he wasn't sure if he'd laugh or hit her. He'd heard those words thrown at his mother for years—and even towards Octavia just because she was a Sibling.
Clarke exhaled sharply through her nose, "That story makes me sound like a bad person. It gives me the reputation of a cheater, and as someone who can't make up their mind while painting you as the self-sacrificing hero. If we go with that story people will never trust me: as a leader or as a wife."
That was true. Clarke's public image wasn't necessarily Bellamy's biggest concern, but it would be difficult trying to lead when he'd also have to be salvaging Clarke's image without letting it drag him down. Everyone was already going to hate Lexa. If they didn't like Clarke, then the marriage was going to be under extreme scrutiny.
"So what do you suggest?" Bellamy muttered. He went back to eating and let Clarke stew on her thoughts.
Clarke was looking out past the fence and into the forest, "We have to go into this as equals. Everyone buys that you and I are in love, and have been in love for months. I think that they aren't going to question our commitment if we stick to how we usually are together, and maybe if we're conscious to embellish on some things. But with Lexa we really have to sell it. I think it means being public with affection, and making sure we're public so people can see."
"The Commander strikes me as someone who'd rather kill me than kiss me," Bellamy replied. The memory of Lexa forcing him to kiss her during their engagement went through his mind and he shuddered. Hopefully Clarke would think it was because of the cold.
Clarke looked like she'd bitten into something sour, "Lexa won't know how our people display affection, and that's what they'll be looking for. We have to be willing to get out of our comfort zones to make it look like we love her."
Bellamy scratched at his throat and his fingers caught on the choker. His skin tingled underneath and he tried to get his fingernails under the leather to relieve himself of the annoyance. The sooner Lexa showed up and they could take these collars off the better. The sooner Lexa showed up and Octavia got healthy, the even better.
"That's not necessarily either of our styles," Bellamy pointed out, "people are going to be suspicious if we act like teenagers with Lexa, but not with each other."
Clarke frowned, "I'm still a teenager," she reminded him, though it seemed to strike her that she was indeed a teenager and for a moment she looked ill. Bellamy felt sick too. He was barely older than a teenager and here he was signing his life away for all of this power and for his sister.
"So are we here to negotiate kissing in public?" Bellamy said, "because you can be the first to kiss Lexa. She might be less likely to stab you for it."
Clarke looked repulsed. Bellamy couldn't imagine what it would be like to have someone as heartless and evil as the Commander like you. It made his skin crawl.
"Don't make that face. You got us into this," Bellamy set his tray down. He was no longer hungry. Clarke was still eating, though she was mostly picking at her food now.
"It's what we have to do," Clarke agreed, "and we can say that it was a sudden, unexplainable attraction. It caught us all off guard back during the war on Mt Weather, but we didn't have time to deal with it. Then with the negotiations we had to deal with a lot of emotions, and while working it out we realized that we all felt strongly about one another. Lexa can tell people that she was desperate to prove her love to us and that's why we got engaged to quickly—after we told her the significance of that to us."
Bellamy shook his head, "We shouldn't even imply that grounders see marriage as something different. It'll make people question Lexa's motives. Besides, the Commander doesn't seem like someone who's ever desperate for anything."
Clarke nodded thoughtfully, "Okay. Then we all realized we were in love and didn't want to wait any longer, especially because we know how fragile life can be on earth."
"How are you going to explain Lexa pulling the fast one on you?" Bellamy asked. He wanted to see Clarke unable to come up with a good answer. He couldn't think of a way to get around that one himself.
"The past is the past," Clarke responded in a tone that let him know she'd been thinking about this for hours now, "Lexa did what she thought was best for her people, and now that our people are her people we can rest assured she'll never leave any of us behind again."
Bellamy couldn't see any holes in her explanation, so instead he shrugged and said, "that's really wordy."
Both he and Clarke fell silent for a few more minutes. It became evident that Clarke wasn't going to eat any more of her food. It was time to head back into the sick hut and wait for Lexa to arrive with the medicine and hope that Octavia lasted the last few hours.
A thought crossed Bellamy's mind, "If we're going to be a couple that wants to show off in public, then we need boundaries. I don't like being kissed without warning."
"I don't like being kissed in public," Clarke sighed, "but I don't want to kiss you and surprise you. Should we have a list of dos and don'ts?"
Bellamy shook his head, "Having a list will ruin any natural look of the act. We have to be able to improvise and cross lines when we need to. But we can have things that we both agree on being more okay than others, and save the ones both of us don't want for more extreme moments."
Clarke sighed dejectedly. Her eyes looked bruised from the long nights she'd been spending taking care of the sick, "That sounds good. What are okay things for you?"
Bellamy shrugged, "Kissing on the cheek? If we're sitting together in public I'll probably put my arm around you or my hand on your thigh. It's what other people do," he explained, "if I'm interested in you then I want to be broadcasting that you're mine."
"I don't want you touching my thighs," Clarke said quickly, "keep your hands away from anywhere you wouldn't touch your sister."
"You're making this more difficult than it has to be," Bellamy said, "it's not like I'll be coping a feel. It's just for show."
"No," Clarke shook her head, and she shuddered, "just… don't. Nothing sexual like that."
"You think that's sexual?" Bellamy scoffed, and sudden horror hit him, "wait, don't tell me. Are you a—didn't you and Finn—?"
Clarke's face went pale and she looked down at her tray with wide eyes.
"I… it's none of—yes, we did. It's not important," she stammered.
Bellamy felt a flood of relief. He hadn't even considered the fact that Clarke had been in solitary confinement before coming to earth, and he didn't know for how long. She may have spent most of her teenaged years in there and had no time to fool around with someone. He'd just always assumed she and Finn had gotten around to having sex because of all of the time they spent together, but then again appearances were deceiving. People kept assuming Bellamy and Octavia were lovers when that couldn't be further from the truth.
"Okay, I'll keep the touching to a minimum," Bellamy said, "how do you feel about actual kissing?"
Clarke screwed up her face in contempt, and Bellamy didn't even feel an ounce of anger that her face was at the thought of kissing him. He felt the same way about her, even if he was a good kisser.
"Hold out on that one," he said, "we'll save it for when we absolutely have to." They both knew that was inevitable, even outside of the kiss they would have to share at their wedding.
"Should we have a signal?" Clarke asked, "so we can be prepared?"
Bellamy shook his head, "Unless you can think of something that won't be noticed when we're being watched by people all day. I think we have to agree to tread with caution, but to beg forgiveness rather than ask for permission."
"My line still stands, even if we can't signal each other," Clarke finally agreed, "nothing too sexual. Don't touch my… thighs or my," she gestured to her breasts, "or my chest. I don't know if I'll be able to go along with it if you do that."
Bellamy nodded in agreement, though he wanted to argue with her. Did she think he was some sort of pervert who just groped girls for fun? It showed that Clarke didn't know him half as well as she pretended to. It made Bellamy's stomach churn to think that Clarke thought he was the kind of guy to pressure her into doing sexual things she wasn't ready for, " Don't… well, I don't really have any hard lines. I guess I don't like holding hands. It's annoying, and what kids do."
Clarke shook her head, "Me neither. But," she sighed, "it is an easy way to show affection. We may have to rethink our stance on that one."
Bellamy groaned, "I can do it, if we have to. But don't overdo it, okay?"
"You said that last night," Clarke muttered.
Bellamy shrugged, "I didn't realize you were a crier."
"I didn't realize you were the type of guy who told people how to express themselves," Clarke snapped.
"Well excuse me," Bellamy leaned forwards, "I am doing the best I can with this mess. Last night you started crying because you were scared, well guess what, so am I. But you don't see me crying about it. If people had realized you were actually crying then it would be really hard to convince them that you were happy and wanted to marry me. So yeah, don't overdo it with your emotions. Learn to control yourself."
Clarke stared at him in shock. She was probably stunned that he'd be so frank with her. Bellamy hadn't said anything this harsh to her since they first crashed on earth and were practically at war with one another. She'd grown used to him supporting her, and she needed to remember he was an actual person and not her puppet to be yanked around.
Bellamy got up without another word and headed back to the sick hut. He handed his tray off to a concerned boy checking in on his parents to take back to the kitchen for cleaning. Hopefully that would keep the boy from getting sick. Bellamy glanced back up at the sky. The sun was crawling across the pale blue sky, and several low-hanging grey clouds were moving in to block what little warmth the sun could provide. It was going to be a cold day, and it was hours yet until Lexa was due to arrive. Bellamy willed the sun to move faster, to climb higher and hit the point that marked midday.
Clarke didn't return to the hut, and Bellamy was grateful for that. He didn't need her presence lurking over his shoulder all the time. They were also going to be seeing too much of one another for the next while… for the rest of their lives, really. He had more important things to focus on at the moment, anyways.
Octavia's skin was ashen and her breathing sounded like the rattle of screws and nails in a cup. Her hair was sticky with sweat, and even though Lincoln was putting cold clothes on her forehead and her neck, they couldn't cool her down. Abby came back to check on her every few minutes. Bellamy wanted to be thankful for the extra attention, but he knew what that meant. His sister was on the verge of dying, and all he could do was hold her hand and count her breaths.
At one point Abby took Bellamy by the arm—gently but firmly—and pulled him away. Lincoln stayed with Octavia, and while Bellamy knew she was among friends, he couldn't take her eyes off of her.
"Bellamy," Abby said quietly, "we really haven't had a chance to talk since last night."
"Yeah," Bellamy said dumbly. What had even happened last night? Did it have anything to do with his sister? He didn't understand why Abby was leading him out of the hut, but he'd trusted her judgment enough in the last few months that he went along willingly.
Abby pulled him back to nearly the same spot he and Clarke had been sitting at earlier that morning. The frost had mostly melted, but a lot of the grasses around were still tinted with white.
"You never told me you were in love with Clarke," Abby said, "you never even mentioned being in love at all."
Oh. Bellamy tore his eyes away from the hut. He needed to have his mind together. Abby and Clarke both had incredibly intuitive minds and could call out bullshit a mile away. Neither of them were afraid to do so. Bellamy couldn't forget that this was a family of women who had murdered the men they loved for the sake of the greater good. He trusted Abby, but if she suspected anything about this marriage was a sham she wouldn't hesitate to tear it apart, medicine and peace be damned.
"It didn't… there really wasn't a time for it," Bellamy explained. The trick was to be vague and try to draw people into coming to their own conclusions. They would hear whatever they wanted.
"How long?" Abby demanded, "how long were you two sneaking around under my nose?"
Bellamy shook his head, "It was never like that, I promise. I…" what had everyone else said? That he'd obviously been in love with Clarke from almost the beginning? That would work, "I think I started falling for her months ago, before the Arc came down. But she was with Finn, and I didn't think I had the right to break up something that was making her happy. And then after Finn… things were happening too quickly. I, well, I didn't think we had a good chance of surviving so I decided to be a little brave."
Abby nodded sadly, "I just… I can't believe neither of you would tell me until you announced it."
Bellamy bit his lip. Abby was angry about being kept out of the loop—the woman loved information. And she had a good relationship with her daughter. She was probably feeling like Clarke didn't trust her. Bellamy would have been furious if Octavia suddenly announced her engagement without telling him first.
"Clarke wanted to tell you," Bellamy suggested, "but I thought it would be a better surprise. I should have known better, sorry. I'm not… I'm not the best with dealing with parents."
Abby frowned, and a look of pity crossed her face. She was thinking about the fact that Bellamy's mother was dead and he'd never had a father. He knew that look too well.
"Plus," Bellamy offered, to change the topic, "it just… with Clarke leaving… it never seemed like a good thing. We weren't anything official until she came back. It just seemed like it was a long time coming by then."
"Do you think she's rushing this?" Abby asked, "not that I don't think you'll be good to her, but do you think Clarke might not be ready?"
Clarke was the last person Bellamy wanted to talk about right now. He scuffed his shoe on the ground and glanced back at the hut where Octavia was. Why did Abby need to talk to him right now?
"Clarke is an incredible woman," Bellamy assured Abby. He tried to use big words to impress her, "you saw to that. She's more than I could ever want in my entire life, and even if she's a little young to be married, so what? It just means that I get to call her my wife longer than most people get to be married."
The words sounded sickeningly sweet coming out of his mouth, but Bellamy put enough weight into them that they almost sounded sincere.
Abby seemed to smile a bit at that. She was trying to be harsh to scare Bellamy into admitting any dark secrets he might be hiding, but more than anything she was excited that her daughter was getting married.
"Another thing," Abby mentioned, looking thoughtful, "about why I'm worried about Clarke. This… the three people. I don't understand. How did that even happen?"
Bellamy was suddenly grateful that he and Clarke had discussed this already.
"Similar timelines," he explained, "Lexa and Clarke were attracted to each other a while back, and while working together they got to know each other pretty well. Obviously things fell apart for a while, but the feelings remained."
"I don't understand how you can love two people," Abby admitted, "and I don't think it's necessarily possible."
"I know it's strange," Bellamy agreed, "but trust me, it's very possible. It just takes the right people."
"How did you know you were the right people?" Abby asked.
Bellamy looked back at the hut again. Why was Abby so chatty now? Didn't she understand that his sister was sick?
"We just did," Bellamy said sharply, and then realized his mistake, "we, uh, we realized that there was no way to compare how much we felt about each other. It just made more sense for all of us to be together when we couldn't bear the idea of the three of us breaking apart."
"I'm nervous about the Commander," Abby admitted.
"Don't be," Bellamy replied, "Clarke and I can handle her." He meant it to sound playful, maybe a little sexual to make Abby take everything about the marriage less seriously. It came out entirely too serious.
Abby was silent for a moment too long, effectively ending the conversation.
"Pardon me," Bellamy said respectfully. No sense in aggravating his in-laws before even getting married, especially when they already had a good working relationship, "I need to get back to my sister."
"You're now Chancellor," Abby said suddenly, "you should be out among the Camp, tending to your people."
"My people are in that hut, with my sister," Bellamy explained, "besides, Clarke is out there now."
"She needs your help. She's exhausted," Abby explained, "and it will do you good to be seen publicly doing things rather than hiding away in the hut all day."
Bellamy narrowed his eyes at her. Abby had never been one for gossip. He didn't understand why she was being so chatty, and so pushy about what she thought he should do. The camp would hold until Octavia was better, and would survive one more day without Bellamy running around and calling the shots. There was no way he was going to leave his sisters' side, and Abby should know that.
Cold dread seized Bellamy's heart as he realized what Abby was doing. She was distracting him.
"You think she's going to die," he realized. He was numb with shock. Bellamy hadn't thought anything could be worse than letting Lexa and Clarke force him into getting married. He was wrong.
"Bellamy," Abby said softly, reaching out to touch him, "she's held on much longer than anyone else has, but she's barely—"
"No!" Bellamy shouted, "no! You were going to keep me out here? Away from my sister?"
Good relationship or not, he slapped Abby's hands away from his body and made towards the hut. His sister was not going to die. The medicine was going to be here, and Abby was going to cure Octavia so that she could get happily married. One of them deserved a happy ending.
"Bellamy wait! You have to be reasonable! She hasn't been conscious for days, and even with medicine, the chances of her surviving are slim to none. You should go see Clarke, instead of being here and just waiting," Abby offered.
Bellamy wanted to be sick. People would think he'd have nothing to be ashamed of for going to Clarke while his sister lay dying. What a cowardly thing to do.
"I will never abandon my sister," Bellamy said, and even to his ears it almost sounded like a threat, "she will survive. She's going to wake up, and she's going to get better."
"I hope you're—" Abby was cut off by shouting, and a horn, from the gate.
"Grounders!" people were shouting, just beyond the sick hut. Several horns from outside of camp sounded. Bellamy's heart leapt into his throat. Lexa had arrived.
A thought crossed his mind: had she brought the medicine? Or had she come to invade and take them hostage?
Abby was glancing between Bellamy and the sounds of the gathering crowd around the gate. Bellamy wanted to go sit with his sister and ignore the rest of the world, but instead he started moving towards the commotion.
As soon as he rounded the corner he saw a growing mass of people at the gates, staring out at the entry road as what appeared to be a small army of grounders approached. Lexa was at the front—at least Bellamy assumed it was her—she had her head covered with a hood and she was on a horse so big it looked like a small mountain.
They were approaching slowly, without weapons drawn, and that eased Bellamy's fears. He spotted the flash of Clarke's blond hair at the other end of the crowd, and decided to let her find her own way to the front. People moved quickly for him, even though he had to ask them to step aside several times. Sometimes having a little authority was a good thing.
There were several horse-drawn wagons among Lexa's group, and while all of the carts were covered, Bellamy desperately hoped they contained the medicine. Lexa halted her forces around 50 meters from the gates, and gave them some commands. She pulled back her hood in order to be heard better. There was no mistaking that tumble of brown hair, or the red choker that looked like an open wound at this distance. Bellamy belatedly wished someone would cut the Commander's head off as soon as Octavia had her medicine. The woman had caused too much grief and suffering already.
Lexa's people moved off of the main path, and to Bellamy's surprise they started unpacking most of the carts. They were moving in and setting up a temporary camp of sorts.
"Grounders go home!" someone shouted.
Clarke slid up beside Bellamy, and she was breathing a little raggedly like she'd struggled to reach him, "People are scared to see so many grounders here," she whispered.
"So lets show them there's nothing to be scared of," Bellamy whispered back. He reached out to grab Clarke's hand to make it look like they were a united front, "Try not to cry this time."
Clarke didn't fight back as Bellamy tugged her forwards. They approached the gates together. The guards looked relieved to see them, having only a few of them versus the many grounders setting up camp just outside the walls. As she approached the gate herself, Lexa halted her horse and slid off so that she could approach on foot.
Bellamy waved the guards to open the gate, and put on a face that suggested everything was going okay. His people were scared, and the guards were holding too tightly to their weapons. He needed to prove to them quickly that there was nothing to be worried about—he hoped.
He held tightly to Clarke's hand as Lexa walked up to them. She seemed more like a predator—like that panther that had attacked them during their first days on earth—than another human in an unfavorable scenario. She wasn't even smiling, though Bellamy was used to that. Her look was blank but focused, as if she was holding judgement on the crowd. The blood symbols on her forehead looked a little faded, but probably better than his or Clarke's looked.
A plan hit Bellamy almost as suddenly as the nausea induced from his plan. He dropped Clarke's hand and spread his arms like he was actually happy to see Lexa. If she hadn't brought the medicine he was going to wrap his arms around her neck and strangle her right then and there.
"Lexa!" he called loudly, hoping his voice would carry back to his people, "it's so good to see you again."
She narrowed her eyes at him, the only change in her calculating expression. Bellamy got close enough to touch her and grabbed her by the arm. He saw her go for her knife at her hip and slipped his hand down just as fast to grab her wrist.
"Follow my lead," he hissed, and then swept Lexa off her feet. He dipped her back and kissed her hard, putting on a show for everyone watching.
Lexa was frozen, one hand still on the handle of her knife, and the other clutching Bellamy's shoulder for support. Kissing someone for show was terrible, Bellamy decided, especially when the other person was as stiff as a rock. He pulled away after what he hoped was a convincing length of time.
Instead of looking in control and calculating, Lexa was wide-eyed and she seemed to have trouble letting go of Bellamy's shoulder. Bellamy's skin crawled and he tried to subtly shrug off Lexa's grip on his arm. She snatched her hand away like he'd burned her just as Clarke approached. Bellamy noticed Lexa's guard sheathing their swords and realized that they'd been prepared to kill him if he'd threatened their Commander.
"Lexa," Clarke said civilly, stepping up beside Bellamy. She embraced Lexa in what looked like a warm hug, and kissed her cheek. Lexa returned the favor, but from both of them the action looked forced. Bellamy hoped at a distance it looked better.
"It is good to see my niron again," Lexa said. She'd recovered her neutral expression, and Bellamy wondered if she was blushing or if the colour in her face had been brought out by the cold. Clarke's nose and cheeks were bright pink with chill, and he was sure he didn't look much better.
"Did you bring the medicine?" Bellamy asked.
Lexa studied his face carefully, "I assume you have announced our engagement?"
"Yes," Clarke informed her, "and Bellamy and I are now, legally, the leaders of our people. Just like you wanted."
Lexa's expression didn't change. Bellamy wasn't sure if she was smiling, or just uninterested.
"Despite your assurances that an engagement is a time of celebration, your people do not seem very happy. Allow me to give them something to smile about."
"Did you bring it?" Bellamy asked again.
Instead of answering, Lexa walked past the two of them and headed for their camp. Clarke had to hurry to catch up, though it only took Bellamy two strides with his long legs. Lexa held her head high, proudly displaying the leather choker around her neck, and with her hair pulled back there was no mistaking the symbols on her forehead.
Even though everyone knew that Clarke and Bellamy were engaged to Lexa as well, Bellamy still heard gasps of shock, and saw people pointing between the three of them. It was one thing to hear it, but another to see three people engaged to one another right before their eyes.
"Skaikru!" Lexa called loudly. Bellamy was always shocked by how well her voice carried, and how quickly people stopped whatever they were doing in order to listen to her.
"I understand if many of you have reservations about seeing me again. I will be the first to admit that our history has not always kept us as allies, and this may cause conflict between us. But know this—I love my mana houmons, and I love the culture they come from. I bring protection, and a promise of peace. With our two worlds coming together, and the love I have for my mana houmons, I hope to bring in an era of peace in this region we call home. As a token of good faith, and a gesture of my love for my houmons, I bring you the medicine from Mt Weather to heal your sick."
It sounded a little heavy-handed to Bellamy, but he forced himself to keep smiling. Abby pushed her way to the front of the crowd and seemed taken aback with the presence of Lexa.
The single cart that had followed Lexa in, alongside her guards, held all of their medicine. Clarke nearly leapt into the cart and started rummaging through the vials to check the labels. Bellamy wanted to help her, but all he'd do would be to get in the way.
He stepped closer to Lexa, and hoped she felt uncomfortable.
"If my sister dies, this ends," he informed her.
"If you end this, all of your people will die," she hissed, "I wish to see your camp. Introduce me to your people. You asked me to make them like me, to prove my love for you. I have a lot of work to do. Mafta op ai."
Bellamy was beginning to hate that phrase already.
Spending time with Lexa was the last thing Bellamy wanted to do. He needed to be with his sister. Clarke caught his eye from the back of the wagon and paused. She handed off the crate she was holding to Kane, and made her way over to Bellamy and Lexa.
"What's going to happen?" she asked, glancing between the two of them.
"I am getting a tour of your camp. I want to assess how difficult it will be to get your people to the mountain," Lexa explained, "and I want to show off our love for one another."
Clarke barely kept the scowl from her face, "I need to help my mom with the medicine," she looked up at Bellamy, "you'll have to stay with her."
"My sister," Bellamy replied. That was the only explanation they should need.
"I'll take care of her," Clarke assured him, "my mom is already giving her medicine. I'll find you when she wakes up."
"Clarke," Bellamy said louder than he intended, and took a moment to compose himself so his voice didn't crack, "she's going to wake up, right?"
Clarke was still keeping a distance between them that she shouldn't be—even though they were fighting, they needed people to think they at least liked each other. Her face softened, "she's in bad shape, but we're going to do the best we can. I promise. And if anything… if anything changes you'll be the first to know."
"I won't leave camp," Bellamy assured her.
Clarke nodded and then jogged back to the wagon to collect another crate to take to the sick hut. Bellamy clenched and unclenched his fists.
A calloused hand touched his arm. He suppressed a shiver, and turned to face Lexa. His fiancé. His other fiancé.
"Among my people we carry each others' weapons, or hold hands to show our mutual affection and trust. What do your people do?" Lexa asked.
"Children hold hands," Bellamy muttered. He couldn't believe he and Clarke had just talked about how much they hated this and now Lexa was practically asking him to do it. But they had to put on a strong show for everything. It was critical to make everyone think the love between the three of them was genuine and mutual right now, or else they'd never believe it.
Bellamy grabbed her hand and Lexa's other hand went to her knife again.
"You're going to have to stop trying to stab me," he told her.
"You should stop surprising me," she hissed, and glanced down at their hands, "I thought this was something children did."
"Children and idiots in love," Bellamy explained. Lexa narrowed her eyes at him—he had no idea what that expression might mean—but she shifted her hand so their fingers were interlocked.
"We are idiots in love?" she said, and it sounded more like a rhetorical question so Bellamy didn't bother answering. He tugged her along, and tried to pretend that he couldn't feel everyone's eyes watching the two of them and Lexa's guard following, looking for any kind of weakness in the deception. Some people hid it well, taking discreet glances and getting on with their duties, while others were openly staring.
Lexa's hand was surprisingly warm against his own. Bellamy wasn't sure why he expected it to be cold—she was alive, therefore she should be warm—but he'd been expecting her to be cold to the touch. She felt too human right now, and the last thing he needed was to start thinking about Lexa as if she was anyone normal.
He showed her their garden, where they'd been growing vegetables to sustain themselves over the summer. He pointed out how they'd arranged accommodations, and how certain huts were for work, like the kitchen or the storage shed, and how others were for living spaces. The people from the Arc were used to living practically on top of one another, and even with all of the space around them, they were uncomfortable with taking up too much room. Many families were living together, though in the hot summer some people had even been sleeping out under the stars. Now, with the cold, people were electing to share smaller and smaller homes in order to preserve heat.
Lexa remained silent the entire time. She was studying everything, taking it all in with her intelligent gaze, and Bellamy couldn't read any of her expressions. Expression, singular. She seemed to have only one neutral look that could shift to a more pleasant neutral, or an annoyed neutral. Or that one face she'd had when he was sure she was about to kill him while they were negotiating the marriage arrangements. Otherwise she was an absolutely blank slate.
"Will you introduce me to your people? As your… fiancé?" Lexa asked.
"I already did," Bellamy replied. He was taking her past the wonderful sight of their latrine corner. It reeked something awful, and they needed to dig a new hole or empty this one, but there was no space for a new one and everyone was hesitant to leave the camp walls. Emptying it wasn't a pleasant idea either, and something that Bellamy had been putting off because he figured he'd be the one to have to do it. Lexa didn't even scowl at the smell.
"I wasn't here for that celebration. Shouldn't I be honored just as much as Clarke was?" Lexa said.
Bellamy laughed, "Trust me, no one was honored. We spent all of last night in the sick hut."
"Are you sick?" Lexa asked quickly.
Bellamy shook his head, "My sister is. And so are many of our people."
"That's it over there?" Lexa asked, nodding towards the sick hut. Even now that there was medicine in the camp it looked like there was an invisible barrier around the hut that no one was willing to cross.
Bellamy was about to confirm when Lexa strode forwards, pulling him along behind her. People leapt out of her way. Some of them looked terrified, and others looked spiteful. Bellamy didn't call out the whispers of 'traitor' or 'savage' he heard behind him. He wasn't sure how he was going to handle someone publicly calling Lexa out, and hoped that his people would stick to their masked politeness and angry whispers that they were so fond of on the Arc.
"You show such compassion to your people," Lexa muttered, "I must be sure to do the same if I want their loyalty."
Bellamy wanted to warn her that the sickness was contagious—not that it had stopped him—but decided against it. Like Lincoln she was probably immune, and he didn't really care if she got sick.
Lexa strolled into the hut like she was walking into war. Her shoulders were up, and she stayed rigid as her head swiveled back and forth to take in her surroundings.
A little girl on a cot near the door burst into tears, pointing at Lexa. She looked absolutely terrified and an older girl, too young to be the mother, put a protective arm around the girl and pulled her back from Lexa.
"Grounder!" someone else screamed, and Bellamy saw one man throw himself out of his cot.
None of this seemed to faze Lexa, and she ignored all of the sick until she spotted Clarke in the crowd. Both Clarke and Abby were hustling, administering medicine with the equipment Lexa had brought with her from Mt Weather. Lincoln was still standing over Octavia, and Bellamy forgot about being Lexa's escort and rushed to his sister's side.
"How is she?" he demanded.
Lincoln was still dabbing at Octavia's forehead, and she still looked as pale and sickly as she had before.
"It's barely been an hour," Lincoln informed him, "since she got the medicine, but I think her fever is breaking."
Bellamy instinctively reached out and pressed the back of his hand to Octavia's forehead. Where Lincoln had been touching her with the cool cloth her skin was chilled, but underneath it all he could still feel the heat from her fever. It seemed to have cooled down since the last time he'd checked on her.
The breath he didn't know he was holding rushed out of him.
"Has she woken up?" Bellamy asked.
Lincoln shook his head. He was looking past Bellamy, wary and he looked more tense than Bellamy had seen him in a long time. Glancing over his shoulder confirmed that Lincoln was watching Lexa speak with Clarke and Abby. Bellamy didn't like having his back to her, but he trusted that Lincoln would tell him if Lexa tried anything.
Bellamy ran the back of his knuckles down Octavia's face. Her throat was still swollen just under her jawline, and he could still feel the rattle in her lungs every time she breathed. Was that supposed to be cleared up? He wasn't a doctor. Why weren't the real doctors checking on her?
"Abby!" Bellamy called, "I need you to check on Octavia!"
For a moment Bellamy worried that Clarke would come instead, but thankfully Clarke was busy trying to convince some people that Lexa wasn't there to hurt them, while Lexa continued doing a great impersonation of a statue.
"What's wrong?" Abby asked. She sounded like she'd been running for hours, and Bellamy realized that maybe she had been. Bellamy pointed out all the things he'd noticed that were still wrong with Octavia, finishing with the most important: why hadn't his sister woken up yet?
Abby looked at him like he'd said something stupid, "Bellamy, these things take time. Octavia has the best chance she can have now, and she's going to have round-the-clock care. Her swelling will go down, and it's likely she's developed pneumonia. We have ways to treat that. As for her sleeping, the poor girl is probably exhausted. I'll make sure you know if anything changes, okay? Don't worry so much, let me do my job."
Bellamy felt embarrassed, and looked back down at his sister for comfort.
"My fiancé cares very much for his sister," Lexa said from over Bellamy's shoulder as she approached, "it's one of the things I love about him."
Abby looked uncomfortable, and Bellamy didn't blame her. Her gaze jumped between him, Lexa and Clarke across the room.
"Thanks," Bellamy said to Lexa, and forced a smile.
"It's good to appreciate one another's' qualities," Abby said civilly.
"Yes," Lexa agreed, "that is how we are in love. Because we are getting married."
Abby glanced between Bellamy and Lexa, and Bellamy avoided meeting her gaze because otherwise he would confirm that he found Lexa's behavior really weird too. Maybe she was having trouble phrasing things properly in English, or her English was a little different than Arc English when it came to these sorts of phrases.
"Yes," Abby nodded, "congrats on your… engagement. But if both of you don't mind, I have a lot of sick to care for still, and I can't be wasting time or having you in my way. I'll be sure to inform you if she wakes up," Abby gestured to Octavia.
"I'm not leaving her side again," Bellamy held Abby's gaze. Just earlier she'd been trying to keep him away from his sister because she might be dying. He wasn't going to forget that.
"There is work to be done," Lexa reminded him. Bellamy wished she would just go away. Abby and Lexa were both staring him down, ready to fight him if Bellamy stayed with his sister. He wanted to fight back, but that was a stupid choice. At least Lincoln would be with Octavia.
"Okay," Bellamy nodded, "I… I have to start making orders for people to pack. We need to be leaving for Mt Weather soon."
"No one here is ready for that kind of travel, not yet," Abby said.
"How long do we need to wait?" Bellamy asked, "it's only going to get colder. Won't it be easier to treat everyone once they're out of the cold?"
"The walk alone could kill them," Abby shook her head, "I… I don't know. We don't have enough stretchers, or sleds to pull people on…"
"I have carts, and horses," Lexa added, "surely I can be of some help."
Abby seemed surprised by Lexa's offer, "Yes… that will make it easier, but it won't be good for them. We should wait until most are better."
"What about Octavia?" Bellamy asked. No one would leave until she was well enough to be transported.
Abby held up her hands, "I don't know. She's responding well, and she might be fine if we move her, or it could make her worse. The same goes for everyone else who is sick."
Bellamy weighed both choices in his mind. Octavia was already on the mend apparently, and she'd been deathly ill just this morning. But he wanted to get into Mt Weather as soon as possible before Lexa could potentially change her mind.
"How soon can you have everyone ready to travel? Tomorrow?" he asked.
Abby looked shocked, "Tomorrow? No, oh god no. The day after. Maybe. But I don't think we can make it in one day, with everyone and all of our supplies."
"No," Lexa agreed, "it will take a long day, possibly two. But we will take an easy route, and there will be no one opposing us so it should not be difficult for the sick or injured."
"Good," Bellamy said, "the day after tomorrow. I'll go announce it now."
Abby nodded, mouth drawn into a tight line. She motioned for both Bellamy and Lexa to stay and then looked around for her daughter.
"Clarke," Abby called, "can you go check if there's more syringes in the wagon?"
Clarke glanced up to acknowledge her mother, too focused on her task to recognize the obvious distraction, and then left the hut.
Abby watched the door for a few seconds before turning to Lexa and stepping into the Commander's space, "I know that Clarke has forgiven you, and I thank you for bringing us the medicine, but you'll have to forgive me for thinking that my daughter is making a mistake marrying you."
"You would be a fool to just ignore our history," Lexa replied calmly, as if she'd been expecting this attack.
"The only reason I'm not calling this entire thing into question is that I love my daughter, and I trust her to follow her heart. That, and," Abby pointed right at Bellamy, "I know he is a good man, and if both Clarke and Bellamy can see some good in you, then I think you might just turn out to be a good person after all."
Lexa was silent a moment, absorbing Abby's words. Bellamy's gut twisted at the irony of Abby's speech, and also because he was hoping Lexa wouldn't kill Abby.
"Thank you for your honesty," Lexa finally said, "and as you can see I love my fiancés. You have no need to worry, because I love them." She reached out and grabbed Bellamy's hand, entwining their fingers again.
Bellamy swallowed his disgust and met Abby's gaze, squeezing Lexa's hand tightly, "Don't worry about it. Love brings out the best in us."
They left the sick hut holding hands. Several people were watching them from around the camp. Bellamy wasn't sure if it was because of him and Lexa wearing their engagement items, or because of Lexa's armed guard that was following them through the camp.
"I didn't realize your people were so faring so poorly," Lexa said quietly, "I thought you would have been doing much better, for all your talk of wanting to reclaim the earth."
"We're doing the best we can," Bellamy replied, "this is all new to us."
Lexa turned her head to glare at him as they walked to the main stage, "You should have come to me much sooner. I don't know how many of your people will make the trek to Maun-de in this state. I expected to be here for a few days, and I don't know if it will be cleared by the time we arrive."
"As long as there's enough room for my people, then we can help when we get there," Bellamy said. He wasn't sure why he was feeling like a child being scolded. He didn't like the feeling at all.
They got to the platform, and Bellamy shook off Lexa's hand in order to reach the bell. It rang loud and clear in the crisp air, halting activity and drawing everyone's attention. They'd rang it a lot in the last few days, but thankfully people still put down whatever they were doing and came to hear him talk. He saw lots of curious—and angry—looks cast towards Lexa, who was standing beside him like Clarke had been just last night when they announced their engagement.
"I'm sure you're all getting sick of that bell," Bellamy tried to joke, "and you're wondering what happens next, with the grounders camping right outside our walls. Last night Clarke and I promised you peace, along with our other fiancé, Lexa. She brought her people, and the medicine we need, in order to bring us all to Mt Weather where we are going to live for the winter, together!"
There wasn't a triumphant cry like he'd hoped, or much of a cheer at all.
Bellamy took a breath to slow himself down, and continued into the silence, "Chancellor Griffin and Councilwoman Griffin are hard at work in the sick hut making our people healthy. I want to be able to leave camp as soon as they say their patients are ready to move, and I'm hoping that will be by tomorrow morning."
"We can't just abandon the Arc!" a young woman called. There were murmurs of agreement.
"The Arc has been our home for most of our lives—for generations—but now earth is our home. And earth is going to freeze with the coming winter, and we need to move to better shelter. In the summer we might come back here, but for now all of us are going to live in Mt Weather. We will be safe and sheltered there."
"Live with grounders? I'd rather freeze!" an older man snapped. Bellamy bit back his response of 'go ahead'.
"Why can't we live in the dropship? It's still intact! We can stay warm there!" someone offered. There was a rousing chorus of agreement and Bellamy wanted to tell everyone how stupid they were being. They didn't seem to understand that it was only going to get colder. Bellamy could hardly believe it himself. He tried to remember that the adults had a harder time adjusting to the constant changes that Earth life required.
"This isn't a debate," he said instead, struggling to keep his voice calm, "as Chancellor, I am ordering you. You need to start packing everything you can carry, and find the means to transport it. This will mean tents or some form of shelter, as the trip is going to be long. You need to stay warm!"
"I never voted for you!" a woman shouted, "I'm not going anywhere with the savages!"
"You will die if you don't," Lexa said loudly. All eyes, including Bellamy's, snapped to her. She was staring out at the crowd with that unreadable face, though Bellamy wondered if she was picking out people to try and kill later on. He'd have to keep a close eye on her.
"I understand your apprehension about living with my people. They are nervous to be socializing with the people we were once at war with. My niron and I do not expect trust to happen overnight, not with the history between our people. But we hope that you can be inspired by our love, and we can come together as a stronger nation under the mountain."
It sounded like a nice enough explanation. Better than what Bellamy wanted to say, at least. He had to remember that Lexa had been leader of her people for much longer than he had. She had lots of practice for putting on a fake smile and making people obey her. In the crowd Bellamy could see some people nodding in understanding, but many more furrowing their brows and frowning in outright hostility. He felt like they were building for a clash between their people, and hoped that their anger would die out in the face of the hard work they were going to have to endure to make it to Mt Weather.
Bellamy decided to remind them of that, and to have the final say before dismissing his people. He didn't want to give Lexa the power to order his people around, "We leave as soon as possible. Bring everything you can, but only if you can carry it. It's a long walk, with all of our essentials, so be sure to stay warm," he debated his thoughts for a moment before continuing, "if you're so opposed to leaving, then you are free to stay, but you will die if you do. As Chancellor I have made a decision that I think is in your best interests, and I hope you come along with me."
It was a lackluster speech, and a little depressing, but he wasn't interested in impressing people. Bellamy was exhausted and he needed to pack his and Octavia's things and start making plans for how they were going to transport their entire life to Mt Weather. He wanted to sleep for a few days.
Lexa was staring at him with her laser-focused eyes, and Bellamy couldn't decide if she was angry or sizing him up. He renegotiated with himself—he'd rather deal with all of the work awaiting him than stay engaged to her. He avoided meeting her eyes by looking out at the dispersing crowd. He kept Lexa in the corner of his eye.
"Until we have a singular camp under the mountain, we will be leading two separate camps," Lexa commented, watching the Arc people slowly shuffle away. Some of them were talking with raised voices about their unhappiness. Many were nodding in agreement.
"That might be for the best. Hopefully it will keep people from fighting until we're at Mt Weather," Bellamy replied.
"Tonight will be mostly quiet," Lexa said in agreement, "our first night on the road will be the worst. There will be no defined lines between the two groups, and they will clash over space and out of fear of the unknown."
If he had been talking to Clarke he knew she would protest and try to argue that fighting might not happen. He was happy that Lexa was more realistic.
"People are stupid," Bellamy agreed.
"In which camp will we be staying tonight? I'm not sure if one sends a better message, or which is least likely to protest," Lexa said.
Bellamy furrowed his brow and turned away from his view of the camp to look at her, "We?" he asked.
"Yes," Lexa looked at him like he was missing the obvious, "you, myself, and Clarke. We are promised to one another. Where are we sleeping tonight? I will fetch my things."
"We're not—what" Bellamy raced to catch up with his mouth, "we don't live together until we're married. We're just engaged right now. There's no 'we' staying anywhere. I live with my sister and Lincoln, and Clarke is staying with her mom right now."
"Your people may wait until the marriage ceremony, but in the eyes of my people we are promised. If this were a political marriage they would not question separate lodges until after the marriage, but if you want them to think we love one another then we must live together now. To be sharing a camp and not a bed is a bad omen for love," Lexa explained.
"I don't want to share a bed with you or Clarke," Bellamy told her. He hadn't expected this to happen so soon. It was going to be a few weeks still before a proper marriage ceremony could happen. There was supposed to be enough time for Bellamy to prepare himself to having new roommates. He'd never lived with anyone long-term other than his mother, Lincoln and Octavia.
Lexa narrowed her eyes, and Bellamy guessed that she was calling him an idiot in her head, "We will stay in mine. It may encourage your people to be more trusting if their leaders stay in my camp," Lexa told him, "my bed should be large enough—and warm enough too."
"I'm not doing that," Bellamy muttered. He wasn't going to get much sleep tonight, but the little he did he wanted to get in his own bed.
"If you love your people you will. I am not asking you for love or sex, just that you keep up this foolish illusion that you demanded in the first place," Lexa growled.
Bellamy grit his teeth and stared Lexa down. He wanted to make sure she understood he wasn't afraid of her. He wasn't surprised that she'd wanted them to stay in her camp. It was safer for her to be among her people. On the other hand, Bellamy didn't want to invite Lexa into his home with Octavia and Lincoln. That was one space he wouldn't make room for anyone else in.
"Fine," Bellamy snapped. He sounded like a child, and he felt just as unreasonable.
Come to think of it, was there some sort of benefit for Lexa if Clarke and Bellamy stayed with her, away from their own camp and people? They would be isolated, and vulnerable in their sleep. Lexa could very well be planning on killing them and then taking over the camp.
That was ridiculous, Bellamy reasoned. Lexa had brought the medicine, along with her army. If she'd truly wanted to take over then she could have overthrown them already, and it didn't make sense to waste medical resources on people you were going to kill. Plus, she'd seen how little they had and had to know there was nothing worth fighting over.
"I've got a lot to do," Bellamy said, "do you need to keep following me?"
He sounded angrier then he wanted to sound, but didn't apologize for it.
"No," Lexa said smoothly, "I have my own work to attend to. Be sure to be packed for travel before you come to my tent. We have a long way to go, and the days are growing shorter. Sekenomon asks for one more day before we travel, but I fear we might not have the luxury of time."
*Sekenomon- a title for Abby. From the words seken and nomon, literally meaning 'second mother'. In reference to Abby's ability to cure reapers. In the eyes of the grounders she brought the dead back to life.
Bellamy thinks he's so self-aware. 'His emotions can get the better of him if he's not careful'. Stop lying to yourself Bells, you played yourself. The irony that he thinks he's aware and yet he's lashing out at Clarke at nearly every chance he gets, and doesn't realize that's why she's sad? Oh Bellamy, you're sweet, you're smart, but sometimes you are a Dick. He has every right to be upset, for sure, but he's taking it out on the wrong people.
In this chapter, and in the story as a whole, I wanted to emphasize how weird siblings are to the Arc people. I'm sure if any of you have a sibling you understand Bellamy's struggle right now. As an older sibling myself, I can assure you that if people were trying to keep me from my deathly ill sibs I'd burn the place down to save them. But! The Arc people have no concept of that special sibling bond! To them it's really weird and vaguely-romantic, because they really don't have anything to compare it to.
And Lexa! She's so delightfully awkward when she's trying to be showy with affection and romance. I've noticed a trend in fandom to paint Lexa as very naïve to things outside her realm of knowledge, and while it's cute I always found that it detracted from how damn smart this woman is. So this is a case of Lexa, master of her emotions, believer in 'love is weakness', trying to pretend she's affectionate and in love when she's never had to pretend or fake emotions in her life. (She's great at hiding emotions, but showing them?) Contrast this to Clarke and Bellamy who grew up in a strict society that was constantly on the verge of breaking down. They've got a bit more practice in pretending to be things that they aren't, and faking emotions like happiness in the face of everything going to hell.
And I'm also continuing Bellamy's (and Clarke's) conflict of growing up in a society that believes you can only truly ever love one person/there's only one Happily Ever After. We'll get more into why that's the case in a few chapters, but the effects are a bit more subtle here. As I said above, the Arc people have no concept of sibling relationships, and even though the Blake siblings are, obviously, siblings, they have no idea how to compare their relationship to one another, to other people. As we've seen in the show Octavia is a little more distant from Bellamy—she doesn't feel like she belongs with the Arc people and arguably he was her only tie to them (until she made friends), but also she sees Bellamy as more of a parental figure. He's been the biggest influence in her whole life, and the only reason she isn't more traumatized and unsociable than she already is, is probably because Bellamy loves her so much. She also absorbed a lot less Arc cultures because, as a second child, she never left their room until the day she was put in solitary. That put her in a position to be able to fall in love with Lincoln, and still love her brother. On the other hand, Bellamy loves his sister so wholly that he can't actually distinguish it from One True Love and the platonic sibling love—back to the idea that Arc people have no concept of siblings—so in Bellamy's mind, since he's only allowed to truly love one person in his whole life, it's obviously Octavia.
This is going to cause some conflict for the marriage.
I love to hear from y'all. What do you think about Abby's actions, or about how Bellamy's reacting? Or Lexa? Why on earth does she want to be married so bad?
I'll see ya Saturday for the next chapter!