Stella's P.O.V.
"DADDY!" I beamed in excitement as I caught sight of my dad, instantly dropping my bags to the floor as I raced through the gates, launching myself into his arms. "I missed you so so so much!"
"Missed you more, Stel-Bel" he whispered, reciprocating with the most bone-crushing hug as his chest rumbled with laughter.
I buried my face into his jacket, inhaling his familiar scent that I hadn't smelt in months. The scent that felt like home. I didn't realise how much I had missed him, being so caught up with my life in Gardenia, and I planned on not letting a single second of my time here go to waste.
"I'm not going anywhere, you know" he teased, as my hold only got tighter. "At least let me die of old age, and not heart failure from you cutting off my blood circulation"
I let out a laugh at his cynicism, reminding myself that it was probably where I got my grim sense of humour in the first place. "Sorry! I'm just so excited!" I squealed, letting him go.
"I can tell. So much that you left your poor friend with all your luggage" he pointed out, making me look back at Brandon who was walking towards us, struggling to drag it all with him.
My dad aided him with the bags, taking my very heavy suitcase from him as he issued an apology on my behalf.
"You must be Brandon, it's great to finally meet you" My dad said, extending an arm.
"Pleasure's mine, Mr Solaria" Brandon smiled warmly, shaking his hand.
"Oh please no need for formalities, Radius is fine" he assured. "I'm glad you decided to join us, Stella's told me all about you"
Brandon's amused gaze turned to me, with a satisfied, smug grin taking over his face. "Talking your dad about me, huh?" he teased, elbowing me.
"Dad, would you mind not fuelling his ego?" I said, not bothering to look in his direction, "It already surpasses the size of Jupiter"
"Ah finally, you found someone who's giving yours a run for it's money" My dad remarked, before starting to walk off as he left me stunned, and Brandon just laughing his ass off.
"You're right, your dad is awesome" he nodded, trailing behind him.
"Great, they're already collectively making fun of me" I muttered under my breath, as I dragged my suitcase along and followed the two. Once we got out of the airport, we were in a for a pretty long drive to our house, which was mostly full of Brandon and my dad discussing sports or something guy-related I didn't understand.
"Remind me why he gets to sit shotgun, while I'm stuck in the back all alone?" I whined, peeping my head through the space between the front seats.
"Because he's the guest here, Stel" my dad reminded, not taking his eyes off the road.
"But I'm your daughter that you haven't seen in months, does that not get me any points?" I pouted childishly, flopping back into the seat as he laughed.
"You're the only one who could fit back there, anyway" Brandon said, looking over his shoulder at all the luggage that surrounded me. Apparently I had packed 'excessively', and combined with his luggage, it didn't all fit in the trunk so I was squished in with the cargo, practically part of it.
"Maybe if you hadn't packed the entirety of your closet, there'd actually be space for me there" Brandon shrugged. "I mean, how many clothes do you even need?"
"It's a whole month, I had to come prepared!" I defended. "Anyway, enough critiquing my inability to be minimalistic. What are we doing first?"
"It's already getting dark and by the time we get home, it'll be pretty late. Ideally it'd be best if you two went straight to sleep" my dad said.
"Straight to bed? What about dinner, we haven't eaten all day and I'm sure poor Brandon is starving, and you don't want to be a bad host-"
"Okay okay, we'll get takeout" he chuckled, cutting my rant short. "But then you're going to sleep, got it?"
"Sure!" I chirped, leaning back in my seat.
"Stel, go help Brandon settle in and I'll order dinner" My dad said, unlocking the door.
I nodded, setting my suitcase down as I looked around, taking in the sight of my old childhood house. It hadn't changed one bit since the last time I'd been here, and I was definitely thankful for that - it felt just as homey as it did at 16.
After finally dragging all our hefty luggage up the stairs - courtesy of me and my tendency to overpack, of course - I dumped my stuff in my old room, before walking down the hall to help Brandon to the guest room.
Which also happened to be.. Luke's old room.
Momentarily forgetting that, I thoughtlessly swung the door open, before freezing on the spot and letting my eyes roam around. It was completely devoid of all his old posters, nerdy little figurines, and basically anything that gave it personality. Some of his things still resided there like a couple photo frames scattered across the table, and some of his books. But for the most part, it was empty of anything that made it once his.
"Hey, you okay?" Brandon asked from behind me as he peered inside. "Wait, was this..?"
"Yup" I sighed, grabbing the suitcase handle out of his grip as I trudged forward.
"Stel, if this is too weird for you then-"
"Don't be ridiculous, its fine. I want you to be comfortable here" I smiled. "It's no secret I basically live at your house, the least I could do is return the favour"
"You sure you're alright with it?" he asked, hesitating to even step in.
"Yeah, it's not a shrine or anything" I assured. "Plus, the fact that out of all people it'll be you in here.. I don't know, makes me feel way better about it"
"Now come in already!" I urged, tugging at his arm. "By the way, you're lucky. This room has the best AC in the house, and the best natural lighting"
"What do you need lighting for?" he asked.
"I don't know, taking cute pictures and stuff" I shrugged, flipping my hair over my shoulder as I sat down on the bed.
"Oh yeah, because I'm gonna be doing a lot of that" he said, sarcasm lacing his voice. I tapped down on the spot beside me, motioning him to join me. Reaching over to the bedside table, I grabbed one of the photo frames sitting there and placed it in my lap. It was just a cute candid moment my mom snapped of Luke and I when we took a trip to Alaska one year, and he was looking up at me in confusion after I had tackled him in the snow, whilst I was dying of laughter.
"Sometimes I wonder if he was adopted, I mean we barely look alike" I chuckled, passing him the frame.
"If anything you're adopted, Stel. He's like a replica of your mom" he said. "You know.. this is gonna sound super weird, but he looks a little like.."
"..Liam" we said simultaneously.
"It's not that much of a reach, actually... I mean, despite the physical similarities, they're a lot alike. They're both total geeks for one" I laughed. "I think that's why Liam and I got along so well - he reminded me a lot of him at first, it was almost like having him back. But obviously Liam's his own person and I grew to love him for that, not just his freakish resemblance to Luke"
"Do you ever regret it, moving to Gardenia?" he asked, after a short silence. I looked up at him, slightly confused. "Like.. if you had the choice, would you have stayed here?"
Do I regret it? Leaving my whole life behind to start fresh?
Hypothetically, if I could... would I take it all back?
Take back ever moving to California, living with my mom and getting closer to her and Angelo, ever meeting Liam and Musa and Bloom.. and Brandon?
After a prolonged pause, I finally looked up again.
"No. Not for a second. If I had to do it all again, I'd still leave this place" I said simply. "It's where I grew up, and it'll always be that but it doesn't feel like my home anymore. I mean not like it used to, at least. I thought leaving would ruin everything, but after Luke died I realised I barely had anything left here in the first place. I hated my school, I just moped around and sulked in my room all day and barely went out. I didn't even have one best friend back then, let alone having three like I do now. Luke was the closest thing I had to one, and all my so-called friends were toxic as hell, or they were mixed up in some really bad stuff and weren't the best people to be around. In hindsight, my parents were right to make me move because I couldn't imagine how things would've been if I stayed. I only regret not moving sooner.. the change of environment really helped put my mind off things"
"And... if I never moved, we probably wouldn't have met and I- well, I never anticipated that I'd meet someone like you. Someone who literally made my blood boil the way you did, but then also turned out to be one of the best people I know. Someone I could.. relate so deeply to" I spoke honestly, biting my cheek to refrain from smiling so hard.
"Really?" he asked, with the most wholesome, genuine grin tugging at his lips. I nodded, bringing my gaze back to my lap.
"You know, I think we would still have met" he said, in thought. "Like, you would've spent a summer with your mom in Gardenia, instead. And my mom, overjoyed to meet Luna's daughter that she'd spoken about for so long, would've invited you over for dinner, and we'd probably accidentally bump into each other given our track record.."
A giggle escaped my mouth at that..
True, we did have an unfortunate history of meeting that way.
"... And knowing how clumsy I am, I would've spilled my entire plate on you, and the night probably would've ended in a fight" I laughed. "But I am glad we met the way we did"
"You are?" he asked in disbelief. "You're seriously thankful for me knocking you over in the hallways and calling you a klutz, and then threatening you in your first class, probably ruining your first day and your impression of Gardenia high altogether, making you wish you never came here?"
"Come on, you act like it's so one-sided, I wasn't innocent either.. and in your defence, I wasn't looking where I was going - that's on me. Anyway, yeah I don't regret it because if we hadn't met like that I'd probably just know you as the asshole who happens to be my neighbour and lives with my friend Liam, and if we hadn't fought like dogs the first few months I don't think we would be here right now"
"Ah.. so you're saying its fate we met, Sunshine?" he teased, raising a brow.
"That or your terrible sense of direction and inability to navigate school hallways without knocking into clumsy new girls" I shrugged, getting up as I placed the photo frame back on the night stand.
"So now, are you gonna unpack or leave me to do all the work?" I asked, crossing my arms.
Groaning in frustration, I stared up at the ceiling. It was around 2am right now, and everyone had gone to bed.. and I just couldn't seem to fall asleep.
Not that I wasn't tired.. I definitely was, but I'd been laying here for hours, trying to get my body to sleep, with no luck. At first, I blamed the jet lag and possibly the very small time zone difference, but soon realised that it wasn't really the issue.
Even though it's barely been a day, ever since the second I landed, I've felt this.. weight on my chest. I've tried so so hard to forget about it, and it's not like I wasn't excited to be here. I was overjoyed, I'd missed my dad and this house and this town so much, I'd missed the little things like the birds, and the trees and the view of the sunset from my room.
But all those things just reminded me of him.
There were pictures of him everywhere... mementos, relics and reminders of his life and everything he was. It felt like he was just missing.. in Gardenia, it was easy to pretend he was still here, like I was just far away from him or something.
Now, I was hit with the constant reminder that he was dead. He was gone, and there was nothing I could do to change that or bring him back, and all those unresolved feelings I had after his death just came rushing back. I had made my peace with it and suffered through the worst of my grief the first couple months, and when I moved away it was easier to distract myself with this new life I had. But coming back here after all this time made me feel like I was plummeted three steps back. It didn't feel this bad the last time, when I came for his death anniversary. Probably because I knew it was temporary and I'd left early anyway, so I could handle it much better.. but knowing I had to spend a month back in my old bed.. admittedly, it scared me.
Every little corner and crevice of this house was full of memories we had, and it was haunting me. I felt guilty, being happy and wanting to have fun here after everything that happened.. but I knew deep inside that he wouldn't want me to feel like that.
If only I could be close to him one more time.. hear his dumb laugh, feel his warm hugs, see that bright smile.. just once more.
I just need to talk to him again.. I need my big brother.
Wait.. I could talk to him! I could go talk to him, right now. Maybe.. I don't need him to talk back, maybe I just need to know he's listening.
Throwing the blanket off me, I tip-toed out to the hall and peeked into my dad's room. He was out cold, as usual, so I quietly crept down the stairs and approached the door. I looked back for a second, before shutting it behind me and walking.
The night air was slightly chilly, and at this time of night I knew better to go out by myself. I mean, was I crazy, being a teenage girl roaming the streets alone? Sure. I wasn't oblivious to the dangers of the world, but at this moment, I truly didn't care. I needed to be close to him, despite how reckless it was.
Brandon's P.O.V.
Waking up for what felt like the dozenth time in a row, my eyes met with the darkness that filled the room.
I was starting to get restless, and couldn't fall asleep for more than ten minutes because of a certain blonde that bombarded my thoughts. I was worried about her, and it was keeping me up.. despite the impressive brave face she puts up, I can tell she's struggling to keep it together. I know she's genuinely happy to be here but I could see this glint of anguish in her eyes, especially whenever she mentioned her brother, and she somehow seemed, I don't know.. burdened?
Being back here is probably difficult considering the horrors she's had to face - mostly alone, at that. I couldn't even imagine where her head was at, but I knew for a fact she could get through it because she's so strong, stronger than she'll ever know.
As I rolled over to the other side, my eyes caught sight of the dim light peering through the door, coming from the room opposite mine which happened to be Stella's.
..She's still up?
If she's still not sleeping.. I should probably go check on her. I didn't really get the chance to beforehand, since she kinda ran off to her room right after dinner.
Getting up, I made my way to her door, lightly knocking, but got no response.
Maybe she just fell asleep with the lamp on?
Pushing the door open ever so slightly, I peeked in, but her bed was completely empty.
"Stella?" I called out quietly, looking around.
Weird.. she wasn't here. I bet she's just downstairs, getting a snack or something. She's probably fine..
But just incase, I should probably check on her. I couldn't seem to suppress this gut feeling that something was wrong.
Upon searching the entire house, I couldn't find her anywhere, and I was completely baffled, but more than that I was starting to get really worried.
Where the hell did she go? She clearly didn't want anyone to know she was gone... and her phone was still in her room, her old car was still parked in the driveway.
Maybe she went to meet someone - but, at this time of night? At 3am, the only people you meet are drug dealers and kidnappers...
Fuck. What if she's in trouble?
Especially if she left on foot.. what the hell was she thinking?! Leaving her house in the middle of the night by herself, with no protection or cellphone on her, is she trying to get abducted or something?
Trying not to let those terrifying thoughts surface, I attempted to be optimistic. She's smart, she wouldn't do anything crazy.. right?
Wherever she is, I need to find her. I couldn't live with myself if I allowed something to happen to her.
Debating whether not to wake up her dad, I decided it was best not to worry him.. alerting him that his teenage daughter was missing in the middle of the night and didn't tell anyone she was leaving.. yeah, he'd definitely go crazy.
Where do I even start, though? I haven't even spent a day here, I have no idea where she'd go and I don't know my way around.
I had a hunch though.. the one place she could possibly be.
Stella's P.O.V.
I stared blankly ahead at the headstone in front of me, reading it over for the umpteenth time.
'Lucas Elliot Solaria - beloved son and brother. His memory will be forever cherished by the souls who were touched by his tremendous grace'
It was so dark, it was a wonder I could even make out the letters carved in the dark grey slab of marble.
Letting out a shaky breath, I opened my mouth to try and speak again, but nothing came out. For the past 40 minutes, I had been sitting on this dirt, face to face with a gravestone in the middle of cemetery, trying to muster up the strength to say something. Anything.
But nothing came out.. just choked sobs and then I'd start crying hysterically.
I didn't even have the energy to cry anymore, and felt my body go numb. My cheeks were stained with dry tears, my eyes felt swollen and there was this giant lump in my throat.
I couldn't move, or speak, I was just sitting still like a freaking catatonia patient.. I felt so stupid, coming all the way out here without having the courage to even speak. I had only been here a handful of times.. at the start, I avoided it like the plague because what you can't see can't hurt you, right?
Then the last time I came to Miami, I visited once with my mom, and really I went more for her than me. So I didn't really get the opportunity to visit him until now.
And here I was, in complete silence, totally alone - I had the chance to pour my heart out, to update him on my life, to rant to him, or cry to him, hell even to yell at him if I wanted. But instead, nothing.
The creepiness of this place was really starting to get to me, because I swear I just heard someone say my name. But I ignored it, hoping it was my subconscious trying to scare me. I stared dead ahead, despite my vision being blurred and my senses starting to become dull.
"Stella? There you are..."
Luke, I swear to god if this is you haunting me from beyond the grave..
"Stel!"
This isn't funny.. I'm trying so hard not to break down and you have the audacity to mock me right now?
"Stella! Can't you hear me?"
My sanity is definitely starting to deteriorate.. I knew this was a bad idea!
"Damn it Sunshine, tell me you can hear me!"
Wait...
Brandon?
Ripping my gaze away, I glanced up to the person kneeling beside me.. considering the proximity, I was dumbfounded at how I didn't even notice a guy twice my size approach me in a deserted place like this.. that thought alone was terrifying. I was practically sitting here like dead meat.
He was staring at me with the most panicked expression on his face, his brows furrowed in deep concern.
"Thank god.." he whispered in relief, as I finally acknowledged his presence.
And then reality hit me like a truck, yanking me out of my bubble and back into the real world - what was I thinking?
Finally, I managed to speak, asking the only thing that was on my mind.
"...d-does my dad k-know I'm gone?" I croaked, my voice raspy and barely audible from the aching dryness in my throat.
He shook his head, "No, don't worry. It's just me"
"How'd you know that.. I-I'd be here?" I asked.
"Lucky guess. Please tell me you didn't walk all the way here? On your own, at this hour?" he asked, worry clouding his eyes, as he started to raise his voice a little in frustration. "What the hell where you doing? Do you know how scared I was?! Stel, this world isn't a safe place and you know better than to just sneak out-"
"I'm sorry! I just wanted to talk to him!" I squeaked, feeling my lips starting to quiver again. "Please don't be angry at me.. it was dumb, I know."
He sighed, placing his hand over mine as his thumb grazed my knuckles. My nerves flared up, burning at the sudden warm contact as I stared down into my lap.
"I'm not angry at you.." he whispered softly, "Hey, look at me Sunshine"
"I'm not mad, okay?" he repeated, leaning closer. "You don't need to suffer alone. I'm here, anything you need, anytime. I mean that with everything I have, and if this - if me driving around in an unfamiliar town on a manhunt at dawn just to find you - doesn't make it incredibly clear then I don't know what will. I understand why you came here, Stel, trust me. But leaving in the middle of the night, especially like this.. you can't be reckless like that. The only reason I didn't tell your dad was because he's been through enough, losing one child. You're all he has left, think about that for a second, before you make split second decisions like this.. I ca- I mean, he can't lose you"
I hummed in response, avoiding his gaze as I looked back at the headstone.
hm.. Luke would've called the cops on me if I sneaked out at night like this, just to teach me a lesson. He's right, I can't act like this.
"You're justified to feel like this Stel.. but please just come home with me" he begged.
"And tomorrow morning, in broad daylight" he stressed, getting up as he offered his hand, "We can come back here together. Does that sound okay?"
I nodded, taking his hand as he pulled me up. My legs felt weak, and I stumbled a bit before getting my balance back. Not needed any further indication, Brandon tugged on my arm, interlacing his fingers with mine as he held my hand tightly, supporting my weak state and keeping me from tripping.
"You said drive.." I suddenly wondered, as we began walking through the grassy field, soon reaching a clear path.
"What?" he asked, looking back at me.
"You said you drove around town? Did you steal a car, or...?"
"Oh. Technically, yeah I kinda jacked your car" he said nonchalantly, provoking a gasp from me. "Hey, it's not like you were using it. Plus, you've done enough walking for one night."
"Y-You didn't.. hot-wire it, did you?" I asked worriedly.
"What am I, a common thief? Of course not, I used the keys that were hanging near the door" he chuckled, as we reached my old car. I'm surprised my dad didn't sell that thing yet, he was probably expecting me to come pick it up but I was never bothered to drive it all the way back to California.
"What do you think you're doing?" Brandon questioned, as I approached the drivers side. "There's no way I'm letting you drive. Get in the passengers seat"
"But it's-" I argued, stopping as soon as I caught wind of the serious expression on his face.
Yeah, no winning this one.
I hopped in, closing the door beside me as he turned on the engine.
"Wait, before you put your seatbelt on.." he started, as he took off his sweatshirt and handed it to me, "Put this on"
"Uh.. why?"
"Because you're cold" he stated in an obvious manner. I glanced down, looking at what I was wearing. I left so abruptly I didn't think to bring a jacket or bother to change, so I was still in the pair of leggings and t-shirt I was wearing when I went to bed. Judging by the goosebumps forming on my arms, and the fact that I was kinda shivering, he was probably right.
"..thanks" I mumbled, pulling the soft fabric over my shoulders, as I practically drowned in its comfort. Instantly feeling the heat and security it provided, I sank down into my seat in contentment, snuggling into it as I clutched it tightly.
"Better?" he asked, a warm smile plastered on his face.
"Why are guys clothes always so much cosier?" I huffed.
"Probably because they're ten times your size.." he chuckled, starting to drive.
The car ride was pretty quiet at the start, but I couldn't help noticing that he was looking at me every two seconds, obviously still managing to drive without any trouble, and I kept waiting for him to speak, but he just kept staring at me in silence.
"Are you afraid I'm gonna jump out the window or something?" I asked, finally reciprocating his gaze.
"How can you possibly be cracking jokes already?" he asked. "I just found you sitting in a cemetery like a braindead zombie, so if you think I'm letting you out of my sight for even a second, you're insane"
"Whatever.. remind me why I couldn't drive? This is my car after all" I reminded.
"I'd prefer to live through the night" he shrugged.
"Excuse me!" I gasped dramatically, "I'm a great driver"
"Maybe, but you're in no state to be behind the wheel right now"
"True.." I yawned, feeling exhaustion start to take over my body.
"Hey.. Brandon?" I whispered hesitantly, "I'm really sorry.. for making you worry. It was selfish and stupid, and I swear I thought you were asleep, I never intended-"
"It's okay. I know." he whispered, cutting in. "All I care about is that you're safe now. Nothing else matters.."
Feeling my eyes start to get heavy, I let myself finally give into the fatigue.
"Stel. wake up"
Blinking a couple times to regain my vision, I looked around, realising I had fallen asleep in the car.
"I'm sleepy..." I mumbled, closing my eyes again.
"I know, but we have to get inside. Come on" he urged, unbuckling the seatbelt. Reluctantly, I crawled out of the car.
I rubbed my eyes tiredly, following him through the front door and slowly up the stairs until we got to my room.
"It's a miracle your dad hasn't woken up" he whispered, shutting my bedroom door behind him.
"Well luckily, he's a super heavy sleeper" I said, collapsing into bed.
"Hey, no no no" he whispered, gently pulling me back up. "You're not sleeping like that"
"Like what..?" I groaned, opening my eyes.
"You've got dry soil on your clothes, for one. I'm not letting you go to bed all uncomfortable and dirt-covered" he said, grabbing my hand and prompting me to stand up. "Go put on some fresh new clothes"
"But I'm sleepyyyy" I whined.
"Stel, either change or I'll change you myself" he ordered, crossing his arms.
"Ugh, bossy. Fine, I'll change. But I'm keeping this" I said stubbornly, pointing to his sweatshirt as I head to my closet.
"Fine by me, just get out of the rest of your muddy clothes" he called out, before I shut the door.
Peeling off my leggings, I switched them for the closest pair of pajama shorts I could find, along with a tank top before pulling the warm, light grey sweatshirt back over my head. I walked back out, and was met with Brandon's wandering gaze, as he eyed my body in confusion.
"When you said you were keeping it, I thought you meant.. like in addition to other clothes.. not just the sweatshirt?"
I looked down, realising it reached mid-thigh and practically hid any clothes I was wearing.
"I'm not naked you fool, I'm wearing clothes underneath!" I whisper-yelled, pulling the fabric up slightly to prove my point. "Why would I- never mind. I'm going to sleep"
"Not so fast" he said, narrowing his eyes as he scanned over my appearance.
"What's wrong with me now?" I cried, throwing my hands up in defeat as I sat down on my bed. Without saying anything, he simply knelt down near my discarded suitcase at the corner of my room, and started looking through it.
Okay, what on earth is he up to now?
"Why are you going through my luggage?" I asked curiously. "What are you looking for?"
"You'll see" he said, continuing to scour through random makeup bags and hair products that I hadn't bothered to unpack yet.
"Well.. don't say I didn't warn you when you accidentally touch a tampon and cry out in fear"
"Nice try but menstrual products don't scare me, Sunshine" he chuckled.
"I don't understand, why can't I just sleep?" I asked.
"There it is" he said, grabbing a packet of makeup wipes, as he pulled one out. "I don't know if you've looked in the mirror, but you resemble a raccoon"
"What?!" I said, touching my face, before realising I was crying for an hour straight and wearing drugstore mascara which was probably all over my face.
Great, not only do I feel terrible but I look it too.
"I don't care, this raccoon is.." I started, interrupted by a yawn before continuing. "..going to sleep"
"Just sit still for a second" he whispered, suddenly appearing much closer to me as I opened my eyes. I sat back, leaning against the headboard as he sat in front of me. He reached a hand out, cupping my cheek to steady my head as he began to gently scrub away at my messy, tear stained face with the other hand.
Those gorgeous chocolate brown orbs were fixed on my face, completely focused on what he was doing - it was incredibly sweet, really.
Not just this gesture, but everything he was doing - it was only the first day and I'd managed to make a mess of it, but Brandon was there to swoop in and say the right thing, per usual, compelling me to fall deeper and deeper.
He was completely oblivious to the way I was staring at him right now... I knew, because if he had noticed, he'd be teasing me already.
He slightly tipped up my chin every now and then to make sure he thoroughly cleaned off every patch of makeup I'd cried off. I couldn't even begin to express how cute he looked up close, and I found myself unable to tear my gaze off his lips, which he was biting in deep concentration.
A habit I'd picked up on which I hated him for because every time he did it, he effortlessly became ten times more enticing - if that's even possible.
The way his fingers softly caressed my cheeks made me just want to forget everything and melt into his touch, leaning into his palm that lingered near the side of my face. But I resisted the urge, per his request to stay still, and watched him with nothing short of adoration as he continued to tenderly wipe my face clean.
As my eyes resumed studying every single inch of his face - which apparently seemed to be my new hobby - my mind began to drift off..
I knew for a fact I was feeling something, and I couldn't deny it anymore. Every single time he looked at me, my heart raced, his touch felt electrifying, and being in such close vicinity to him was torture. I had this undeniable urge to grab his face and kiss him, but making a move like that would be too risky. Not to mention, completely selfish.. I didn't want to take advantage of the way he was treating me. I didn't want to sacrifice what we had, and if I got too close for comfort I knew I'd jeopardise that.
But moments like these really made me wonder if there was a chance for.. us.
Surely, he must be returning at least a fraction of my feelings, right? I mean, the unnecessary lengths he was going just to take care of me and make sure I was okay.. it felt a lot more intimate that simple friendship.
It would be crazy though, me and Brandon..
Like, Brandon and I.. being an 'us'?
It was insane how much my feelings for him had done a complete 180 in just a couple months. I knew I appreciated him and possibly liked him, but the night after prom, it was like all the pieces just came together in my mind and I saw it. I felt clarity at last, knowing that I'd impacted his life the way he'd changed mine, I saw him in a completely different light.
As someone I needed in my life who needed me back, and that I missed and yearned for when he was gone, someone I truly knew, and I could depend on, someone who didn't judge me and wasn't afraid to be vulnerable with me.
Someone I was falling head over heels for..
Brandon's P.O.V.
Gliding the makeup smeared wipe across her cheekbones, I watched her fondly. Her tired eyes were fluttering closed, and I tried my best to go as fast I could, I didn't want to keep her awake a second longer than I had to. But I also didn't want her sleeping feeling.. heavy. I could take care of the physical part, but unfortunately there was only so much I could do to ease the emotional weight that crushed her.
Her face seemed hollowed and sunken, bags were forming under her eyes which were clearly swollen from crying, yet she still looked radiant. She was as gorgeous as ever, but she looked so troubled and that light that usually gleamed through her entire being just seemed dull. It killed me that she was feeling like this, and I hated that I felt so powerless, unable to take it away or ease her suffering. It was something she had to deal with and avoiding it would only make it worse, but I hoped I could make it just a little more bearable for her.
Then again, she suffered the worst of it all alone, so why would she need me?
But.. she wasn't alone at the start of it by choice. And just because she was then, doesn't mean she won't need someone now.
"Sunshine?" I whispered, picking her chin up as her head was starting to droop down.
"Mhm?" she hummed, immediately blinking up at the sound of my voice.
"I'm really sorry this is so hard for you. I wish there was something I could do to make it easier" I spoke earnestly.
A smile tugged at the corner of lips, "You're doing it right now... by being here"
"Yeah, I'm sure you love being spoiled like this, princess" I teased, evoking her angelic laughter. And just like that, her eyes glinted with momentary joy, and she looked like my sunshine again.
Do I even get to call her that? Mine?
Because she's not. But her I want her to be.. so so bad.
But the timing is terrible - she needed me as a friend, a shoulder to cry on, and an emotional support system. Preying on her while she was vulnerable, and taking advantage of that would be cruel. I couldn't let these feelings get in the middle of that, I care about her too much to ruin whatever our relationship currently was for her. Even if that meant I had to bury every single urge and temptation I had to around her, I'd do it without a second thought, because her happiness is more important to me than my unrequited feelings.
They could wait, I just hold on a little longer until she's ready, if she's ever open to that anyway.
But I felt like my desire for her was just growing more and more intense every day. I didn't even realise how whipped I was until I physically couldn't rest knowing she was okay. She's just invaded every single element of my life and I used to despise her for it.. seeing her all the time, at school and at home. But now, I could be around her 24/7 and it still wouldn't be nearly enough.
In fact, I had no idea how my self control was this strong around her. Her face was literally in the palm of my hand, just inches away, and if she wasn't half asleep I'd probably have caved. Before I could do anything I'd regret, I retracted my hand, moving back a bit.
"Okay, you're all good" I said, inspecting her face once more before tossing the wipe in the trash can nearby.
"Thank you" she smiled, crawling under her covers as she finally threw her head back on the pillow. "You have good hands, you should totally give me a massage sometime"
She's willingly asking me to rub her body? Yeah, my self control is wearing real thin...
God, my hormones need to chill the fuck out. She obviously meant it as an innocent joke!
"Do you need anything else? Water?" I asked, clearing my throat to snap myself out that daze.
"I'm fine, really" she whispered. "Night.."
Turning off the lamp, I leaned against the doorframe and grabbed a nearby magazine from her dresser, skimming through it.
"Uh...what are you doing?"
"I'm waiting till you feel asleep" I shrugged.
"Wha- that's ridiculous. Go to sleep, Brandon! I'm not gonna run away again" she said, and I could practically hear her eyes roll.
"So you're just gonna stand there like a prison guard?" she asked. I hummed, bringing my attention back to whatever ridiculous article I was currently reading.
"What, you gonna come sleep in my bed too?" she scoffed.
"Do you want me to? Because I can if you-"
"N-No, I was kidding.. o-obviously" she spluttered. Despite the darkness, I was 99% sure she was blushing like a tomato, and couldn't help but laugh at that.
"Brandon, go to sleep. You've done enough." she sighed.
"The sooner you fall asleep, the sooner I'll go" I stated, not moving from my spot.
"Ooh, and you call me stubborn?!"
The following day
Stella's P.O.V.
"Okay, I don't get why you're still driving?" I asked, glaring at the brunet in the drivers seat. "I did everything you said, I let you follow me around the house and all the way here and you still don't trust me?"
It was much later in the morning, almost noon really, and as promised we were driving back to the cemetery. But this time, I was gonna do it right. I'm gonna be calm, collected and vent my heart out to my brother's memorial.
And then go about the rest of the day happy and grateful that I'm alive and breathing, because I have such a great life and the best friends and family, and I shouldn't take that for granted.
Or, I hope that's how it goes. The possibility of me completely breaking down is more likely, but a girl can hope.
"It's not that I don't trust you, Stel. I'm just worried about you. If you're stable enough you can drive the way back" he said, sipping on a coffee cup before putting it back into the holder.
"Yay!" I squealed, jumping back into my seat. "Hope you're not afraid of a little speed, because I'm certainly not"
"You're gonna get us arrested, aren't you?" he sighed, parking the car at the side of the empty road. "Okay, I'll be here waiting. Take as much time as you need"
I nodded, opening the car door and stepping out as I sucked in a shaky breath. I looked back once more, before heading in. It was a little bit of a walk since Luke's memorial was buried further down the plot, but eventually I got there.
Sitting down on a patch of grass nearby, I smoothed out the yellow plaid dress I had on, and looked up at the headstone.
"H-Hi Luke. It's me, your one and only little sister" I whispered. "First.. um, I'm sorry about last night, if you're listening then you probably heard me cry like baby for an hour. So much for a reunion, huh?"
"I just wanted to update you on my life, because I haven't done that in a long while. Although you're probably watching me and cringing at every little thing I do, I'm gonna tell you anyways. So life with Mom and Angelo is really good. I miss dad a lot, obviously, but seeing how happy the both of them are right now with their respective lives... I think the divorce was good for them - they needed to find happiness in themselves, and not every marriage is meant to last. But they're not bitter about it at all, they handled it much better than I did at first. Don't you dare tell them I said this, but sometimes, parents do know best. I know, I can't believe those words just came out of my mouth, but it's true - for our parents at least. They were right about moving me to California, I have so many amazing friends, and I kinda.. enjoy school? Again, I know - who am I, right? But seriously, I think it did me a world of good, getting that change of scenery and putting myself out there. You'd love Gardenia, Luke. It's beautiful, and it has the best food joints and malls and the people are sweet, but it's also mellow and has this close-knit small town vibe, the type you'd always rave about when we were kids. Not exactly TV material, it's no Tree Hill or Rosewood, or Stars Hollow.. but its home. I love it, and I hope you can be happy that I'm happy there."
"My best friend Liam, he's so much like you that I thought he was some weird reincarnation of you when we first met. You guys would've been best friends.. not that he even knows of your existence because I still haven't gotten telling my friends, but still. There is one person who knows you.. Brandon. He's- um, here with me actually, and if you've been watching over me then you definitely know how complicated and weird our friendship is. I don't know what to call it anymore because we are friends, but saying that out loud makes me feel like I've already been rejected or friend-zoned, it's a slap in the face and yet I'm the one saying it, as if I'm trying to convince myself? He's not here to tease me so I can tell you that he's an amazing guy, Luke, and I've kinda been using him as my.. emotional anchor. I never pictured myself being so close to him of all people.. yet here I am..."
Losing track of time, I had let myself rant about the most mundane, trivial things in my life for about an hour, just like a conversation we'd have back when he was still here. I realised that Brandon had been waiting, and started to finish up, getting to more important things as I lifted myself off the grass.
".. I still miss you everyday, Luke. We all do. Living without you by my side.. having you taken away so abruptly. That was the worst part.. I couldn't tell you how much I cherished you and appreciated you and how loved you were, before you left this earth. But the last thing you did was tell me that you'd be with me, and although it was hard, there's not a day that goes by where I don't believe and trust in that. I'm not gonna sit here and cry about how you were taken away too early and how unfair it all is, because I've done enough of that. I hope I can make you proud, and I'm gonna try and have an amazing summer, and try my best to be happy because it's what you would've wanted. I love you, weirdo" I whispered, pressing a kiss to my fingertips before tapping the top of the headstone. "Till next time, big brother"
I dusted off my dress, smiling in content as I looked up at the sky. I started to walk towards the road, but as I got further away from him, I felt a hollowness in my heart again. Doing that hurt like hell, because no matter how hard I tried, all the pain and remorse managed to slither back, and leaving hurt worse because I felt so guilty for abandoning him again.
"You okay?"
I glanced up, not realising how fast I was walking and saw Brandon leaning against the car in the distance. Feeling my cheeks get wet, I realised tears had been brimming in my eyes and I rubbed them dry, hoping I could get a coherent sentence out.
He stared at me in concern, his expression softening as he saw my face. "Stella?"
Without wasting another second, I started walking faster, eventually sprinting towards him.. and I just flung myself right into his arms. He tensed up in surprise at the sudden collision, almost falling back for a moment before steadying the both of us. He wrapped his arms around me in a secure embrace, as I clung onto his chest like I was holding on for dear life.
"I'm here, Sunshine.." he murmured against my ear, as his grip tightened, pressing our bodies even closer if possible. Feeling fresh, hot tears brim through my lashes, I clenched my eyes shut tighter, nuzzling my face into his shoulder in an attempt to stop them from flowing. But when I tried to speak, all that came out was a choked sob.
"I'm right here" he hushed, gently stroking my hair in a soothing manner. "You don't need to hold back with me.. let it out, you'll feel better. I promise. I won't let you go"
With that, I sunk into the warmth of his body, letting my muscles relax which allowed my chest to freely rack with sobs. I didn't try to stop it, or swallow down the tears that burst out like a dam, soaking into his shirt. I let my all my pent-up sorrow, frustration and rage just drain out of my limbs with every passing moment. I felt like his strong arms caged around my figure were only things holding me upright, and without him I'd just tumble down. My fingers grasped his shirt, taking fistfuls of the fabric as if he could disappear at any moment, and I had to make sure this was real. I felt so safe in his hold, like the entire world around us could be crumbling apart but it wouldn't matter, because being surrounded by his touch provided more solace and comfort than I had ever felt in my life.
At this moment, I didn't even register how tightly our bodies were moulded together... and when my sobs started to subside, I became more conscious of it. The way his skin felt against mine with clothing as a barrier was exhilarating enough.. but his arms brushing against my bare back - which was exposed due to my low cut dress - now that sent shivers down my spine.
"I-I miss him so much.." I whispered into his chest.
"I know.." he sighed, as his hands dropped down to my lower back. Bending down slightly, he pulled me close so that my head was resting closer to his neck, as his fingers caressed my waist.
"He would be so proud of you, Stel. I know it's hard, but try to remember that he's at peace, knowing you're okay"
"Brandon?" I sniffed after a while, pulling my head back ever so slightly in hesitation that he'd let go. Instead, his hold refused to falter, as if he was afraid to loosen his hold.
"I'm really glad you're here" I spoke, peering up at his face. His hands tentatively made their way up my body, planting themselves on either side of my face. His thumbs ghosted across my cheek with gentle pressure, soaking up the moisture, as his eyes dug into mine with an undeniable sense of fervour.
"Me too, Sunshine." He murmured, before bringing his lips up to my hair, and planting a soft, lingering kiss on my forehead. Although it barely lasted three seconds, it instantly managed to spread it's warmth throughout my whole body, buzzing through my veins and making my stomach flutter. He leaned his chin atop my head, drawing me close again as I inhaled the faint but intoxicating cologne that masked his neck.
After what felt like a lifetime, I reluctantly loosened my grip on him, instantly missing the contact as we pulled apart.
"Sorry I made you wait so long.. " I said, trying to smooth out my dress before glancing up. "Oh.. and s-sorry about your shirt"
"For the love of god, please stop apologising Stel." he exasperated. "Its okay. Plus, it's getting pretty exhausting keeping up with what I'm forgiving for you for this time"
"Fine" I chuckled, wiping my eyes one last time. "How do I look?"
His gave travelled my body before speaking, "Like a hot mess" he said, shaking his head in dissatisfaction.
"Jerk!" I gasped, banging my fist against his arm as a chuckle escaped his throat. I walked over to the other side of the car, opening the door. "I'm driving, no debate"
"I'm kidding, you look fine" he assured, getting into the passenger seat beside me. I pulled on my seatbelt and started the engine, then shifted the rearview mirror to take a look at my appearance, since Brandon was never a reliable source.
"You liar!" I accused, as my eyes widened at the reflection. "This is your fault, you totally messed up my hair."
"Oh no trust me, it looked like that when you left. If anything, I fixed it" he winked, reaching a hand out to tug on a strand. Rolling my eyes, I evened out the mane I called my hair, and shuffled in my seat to pull my dress down which had risen a few- well, more than a few inches.
"Hm, now I liked the dress better before"
Furrowing my brows, I glanced at the guy beside me, whose gaze was currently way too low for my liking.
"Oh, I'm sure you did, perv. Eyes up here, Sunshine" I mimicked, mocking his go-to line whenever I was looking anywhere but his eyes.
"Very funny" he chuckled dryly, "You gonna drive or what?"
"Okay, so I'm thinking we take a tour around town today." I beamed, starting the car. "Can I please show you all my favourite spots? It's gonna be so fun, Brandon, please?"
"Not that I'm complaining about the bubbly mood, but uh.. it mystifies me how you were crying just two minutes ago. Are you sure you wanna-"
"Yes, yes, Y-E-S!" I chirped, thinking of all the places I was gonna show him. "Look, I appreciate the concern but I really wanna take you around town, and I've been waiting since we landed to do this so pleaseeee?"
"Sure, just.. you won't be driving everywhere right?" he asked in concern.
"Not that there's anything wrong with my driving skills, but no.. if it makes you feel better, we're gonna walk" I said.
"Thank god" he sighed in relief.
After an hour or two of cruising around, I was still on hyper mode, but Brandon seemed to be completely drained of energy. He's definitely not built for shopping..
"Okay, and this is- Brandon, stop being so slow!" I urged, grabbing his arm and making him meet my speed as we walked through the busy streets.
"You've showed me like 10 places already, and every. single. one. was a clothing store!" he growled in irritation.
"Correction, 8 were clothing 2 were shoe stores" I corrected. "Anyway, that was the mall, we're downtown now so it's more heavily dominated by food st-"
"Finally, food" he cheered. "I'm starving"
"Too bad, we have dinner plans and I don't want us to be full already, so we're just gonna go to the smaller places" I said, "There's this adorable vintage coffee shop down the road, they have the BEST cappuccinos and homemade brownies, they're just heaven on a plate and-.." I paused for a second, realising how I was chatting my mouth off. "You don't really seem like you're having fun.. do you wanna do something else or..?"
"No, no. Stel, of course not. This is perfect" he nodded, "Now, what about that coffee shop?"
Flashing him a smile, I tugged on his hand, directing the way there. Once we ordered, we sat down at a little table in the corner.
"So, what are these 'dinner plans' you have?" he asked, staring down at his drink.
An grin tugged at my lips, "I'm taking you out to this super amazing restaurant and buying you dinner for being so nice to me. You're welcome."
"Stel.. it's alright you don't-"
"Before you argue with me, I'm letting you know, you have no choice in this matter" I interrupted, leaning my elbows on the table as I put my chin in my hands. "I insist, my treat! It was my absolute favourite Italian restaurant in the entire state, so what do you say?"
"I thought you said I don't have a choice.." he chuckled.
"That's the spirit!" I winked enthusiastically. "You're gonna love it, trust me. I know taste, and I know you"
"Sounds a lot like you're trying to take me on a date, Sunshine" he smirked playfully, taking a sip of his drink which left a line of cappuccino foam above his upper lip.
"Hmm, sorry I don't date guys with moustaches" I giggled.
"I don't have- oh.." he said glancing down at the creamy drink before licking his lips. "Did I get it?"
I shook my head, as he kept trying lick it off but it was too high up. Rolling my eyes at his lousy attempts, I reached a hand out towards his face.
"Come here" I laughed, swiftly wiping the layer of foam from above his lip with my thumb, before darting out my tongue and licking it clean off.
"..That was kinda hot" he teased.
"Can't let good cream go to waste" I shrugged nonchalantly.
"What time do we get dinner?" he asked.
"I booked a table at seven."
"Seven? It's barely five, what are we gonna do for the next two hours?" he questioned.
"More exploring." I squealed, biting into my brownie. "But don't worry, no more shopping, I promise. Oh, and you said you wanted to check out the gym, which is... beyond my understanding, but whatever, we'll swing by there too"
"Now I can get on board with that" he nodded, taking another sip, and expectedly, coating his entire mouth and some of his chin in foam.
"Why are you looking me like that?" I asked, touching his face in realisation. "Again?!"
I nodded, giggling at his inability to drink a simple cappuccino without bathing in it.
"Well.. I'm waiting!" he said, staring at me impatiently as he gestured to his face.
I grabbed a paper towel, and chucked it in his face. "Nice try, buddy"
"Okay, anything else?" the waitress asked, taking our menus. I shook my head, smiling politely as she left.
"You trying to tell me something, Sunshine?" Brandon asked, elbowing me. "I mean, candlelit dinner, in a booth no less. You do know who those are meant for"
"No, don't even say it, okay! I did not choose this, they allocate the tables randomly unless you request something!" I defended.
"How do I know you didn't request this.. couples table?" he questioned.
"It is not a-" I paused realising how loud I was, and continued in a whisper. "It's not a couples table, idiot! Even if it is, it's their mistake, so take up with them!"
"Hey, I'm not complaining. It's not everyday you spoil me like this" he chuckled, clearly enjoying this way too much.
"Yeah well, most days you're actually a pretty decent person" I huffed.
"As soon as the food comes the mood will leave, right?" he asked.
"Most likely" I nodded.
"Stel, you know what this reminds me of?" he asked.
"If you say a couple's table again, I'm going to shove this fork so far up your-"
"No, I was gonna say San Francisco. But it's nice to know you're such a pleasant date" he joked.
"Wait, the Italian restaurant we went to, right?" I asked, trying to jog my memory. "Oh my god, yeah!"
"We were forced to hang out for an entire day, by ourselves, and not kill each other.. wow, that was really difficult for us back then, huh?" he asked.
"And then I beat you at some video game, and you totally just discarded any hate you had towards me" I said, tossing my hair over my shoulder.
"If I remember correctly, I was the one who initiated the truce to begin with.." he said.
"Yeah, but only because I let you crash in my hotel room. And you were all.. 'hey Stella, you're just, so awesome, I'm a complete idiot please be my friend'" I mimicked.
"No, I was like 'we should have some fun on our own'" he said.
"And then I said, 'so, this is a truce?' - technically I put the idea on the table, so our friendship is mostly thanks to me." I shrugged. "Oh, we should reenact it, but switch roles!"
"Friends?" I asked, mocking his voice and extending a hand.
"Friends.." he said in a high pitched voice, "Have you like, had any tequila today? It's like, super like, weird for you to be this nice"
"Hey, I don't sound like that" I laughed.
"Oh my god, you just called me Stella! Not blondie.. the world is truly ending" he mocked, in a super exaggerated voice, before bursting out into laughter too.
"You guys are such a cute couple!"
My laughter came to an abrupt stop at the sight of the young waitress who was practically swooning over our table, and furrowed my brows in confusion. I looked on the table, where she was setting the food down and noticed our hands where still interlocked from our mock handshake thing, and I quickly pulled back, shifting to the side a little as a blush creeped up my neck.
"We're not um- we're not a-"
"Aw, thank you" Brandon suddenly spoke, grabbing my hand again. "Isn't she nice, babe?"
What the hell is he doing?!
The waitress just smiled at us, before leaving our table. I snatched my hand back, glaring at him.
"What was that?" I asked.
"Isn't it funny that, when we were at that Italian restaurant in San Fran, the waitress there said the exact same thing?"
Oh, so he's just trying to get on my nerves again.
God.. he's lucky he's cute...
"Yeah, real funny.." I said, narrowing my eyes at him.
"Maybe if you didn't book a couples table, they wouldn't mistake us for one-"
"There is a stake knife, the size of your head, just a table across from me" I smiled innocently.
"Loosen up, Sunshine" he chuckled. "You were so excited about this dinner, and now I'm the only one having fun"
"You're right, sorry. I'll try to forget the fact that they totally messed up my reservation, and dumped us at this dumb table with stupid candles and a stupid booth and-"
"I know you secretly love the candles, and the table and the booth, Stel. Its fine, you don't need to feel bad about it, you came here for the food anyway" he said. "And.. talking about food, you haven't even touched yours"
"Its too hot" I frowned, blowing the smoke off the steaming pile of pasta. "...But yours looks fine, can I try it?"
"How do I know you won't just eat the entire plate?" he asked, raising a sceptical brow.
"I won't, I just want one bite. Please?" I begged. "Trust me, as soon as that parmesan hits my tongue, bitch mode is deactivated"
"Fine, but if you eat anymore than this I'm taking some of yours too" he said, swirling his fork in the spaghetti and bringing it towards my mouth, with his other hand underneath.
"Brandon, what are you doing? I'm not a toddler" I laughed, staring at the fork in amusement.
"I'm not trusting you with my plate, so just shut up and eat" he insisted.
Works for me.
Eagerly opening my mouth, I scraped the fork clean, indulging in the decadence of the food without even chewing for a second, just to savour the mouth-watering flavours all embedded into one bite.
"Happy?" he asked.
"Mhmmm" I hummed in pure bliss, relishing in the taste before it could go away.
"Stel why are you not chewing..?" he questioned. "..Ah, you want to make it last as long as you can, because you like my food better than yours, don't you? I knew it."
I shook my head, finally letting myself actually eat the food and swallow it. "No! I was just, appreciating the texture and the you know, taste and- oh god, it's just so freaking good, Brandon. Please give me more?" I pleaded.
"I knew it.. I'll just order you one of those" he said.
"No! It's like the forbidden fruit, it won't taste a good if I order it. It's always better from someone else's" I explained.
"For every single bite you take of mine, I'm taking from yours" he said.
"Whatever, we already agreed on that, now just feed me pleaseee" I said, shuffling so close I was practically bumping shoulders with him.
"The things I do for you, Sunshine.."
I can't get enough fluffff like guys this is just pre-couple fluff, the stuff that comes after is just so cuteee I can't wait. This chapter was lowkey sad in terms of Stella and everything she's going through, and unfortunately it's not the end of her suffering, which will be expanded on in the next chapter. BUT I promise, things will get easier for her soon. Anyway some major moments are coming up in the next couple chapters which will be turning points in their relationship (although this one was def a big one too) and ik its frustrating how oblivious they are but they'll get slapped with some pretty harsh truths soon enough!
Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, remember to review, ily all! ❤︎