AN: When I was writing Heart in Shatters I had an interesting conversation with another author about possible reasons for Diego to return to Spain and, while brainstorming, I came up with the idea for this story, or, at least, the premise for it.

Forewarning: It will get emotional from time to time and you should not be sure about a happy ending for everyone in it. One main character is certain to die, so don't say I haven't warned you! Read it at your own emotional risk.

PS - But you must know me better than to think I would kill any of my fvs šŸ˜... or that I would fail to give them their HEAs.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my OCs and the ideas for the plot, make no money on it and only write to exorcise the stories from my brain :P

Reviews are always appreciated, so let me know what you think!

Much of the first chapter is not suitable for younger audiences (extra warnings are included).

Enjoy!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

It was a rather cold night and the pueblo was in a grim mood when the masked outlaw made his way towards Los Angeles, with the sole intention of seeing the woman he loved. Leaving Tornado in the tavern's stables, he climbed on the building's roof and headed for his lady's window. He was feeling tired and could barely get the strength to climb, his balance not as perfect as usual as he hadn't given himself the time to recover. However, since he was leaving, most probably forever, he needed to see her, to feel her, to kiss her one last time. He also needed to take back the ring he had given her and set her free to be happy without him.

"Victoria!" he whispered as he swiftly entered her room.

"Zorro!" she let out a cry and rushed into his arms, sobbing. The young woman had been crying inconsolably since morning, and she craved the feeling of his soothing embrace, as she was certain that only his presence would be able to calm her down. "Just hold me!" she begged him, for the first time in the last twelve hours, able to stop her tears. There was something about him, she realized, that made the whole reason for her distress seem like nothing more than a bad dream. "It's been an awful day and I needed you like I need air. I so hoped I would see you tonight!" Victoria whispered, still holding on to him as for dear life.

"It's alright! I'm here!" he answered.

"Why didn't you do anything? How could you let it happen?" she reproached him, as she finally let go of her tight embrace to look him in the eyes.

He knew what she was asking about, although her reaction was a little more extreme than even he had imagined.

"I can't be everywhere, my love." He answered.

"I still can't believe he's dead! Iā€¦I saw him lying there, I saw the bullet hole through his chestā€¦I went to his funeralā€¦but I still can't believe he's gone! That I'll never see or hear him again!"

"I'm so sorry, Victoria!" he apologized sincerely, but not for the reason she believed he was apologizing.

She reached to kiss him and saw that tears were also racing down his cheeks. It was somehow comforting to know he was sharing her grief, or, at least, that was what Victoria imagined.

"He had been missing for over two days when they found him! During all that time, I never, for even one moment, had any doubt that he was still aliveā€¦in my foolishness, I even thought he had gotten himself lost!" she started sobbing again. "What kind of friend was I to think that, while he was lying dead in the middle of nowhere, ripped from us without even the chance of saying goodbye? I can't even understand why! Why would someone have wanted to hurt him? He was the kindest person I've ever met!"

"Not everything happens for a reason, Victoria." he lied. "Sometimes things are as they are and all we can do is accept them and move on. I know he wouldn't have wanted you to be sad about his passing, just as I am sure he wouldn't have wanted you to fault yourself for your thoughts. You were a good friend, and he always knew that!"

"No, I wasn'tā€¦ He deserved so much better from me! I should have behaved so much better! He was always so good to me, always ready to help me! And what did I do? Incessantly compare him to you... I never even told himā€¦"

"What, Victoria?"

"I never told himā€¦that I loved him."

"I'm sure he knew you cared for him!"

"Noā€¦" she relinquished his embrace and turned around, arms folded around her waist, unable to face him. "I don't mean I loved him like a friend. I loved himā€¦ I loved him like I love you! Iā€¦ I know it sounds absurd. How could I love two men at the same time? But I did. I was jealous of any woman paying him the slightest attention; I was constantly waiting for him to come in for a meal, just so that I could talk to him; I even asked him to give me that stupid advice column just to have more reasons to see him. Now he's dead and I never got the chance to tell himā€¦ to let him know how I really felt about him, how much he meant to me."

Hearing her say those things somehow eroded all his determination and left him unable to do what he was set on doing. A plan was in motion and Victoria was giving him the opportunity to split up with her, take his ring back honorably, and leave her to a find someone else to give her the life she deserved. Yet, there he was, completely unable to move or tell her what he had come to say.

He hadn't lied when he told her he knew that she cared for himā€¦for the unmasked half of him. Truth be told, if he would have really passed away that day, he would have died knowing she loved not only Zorro but also Diego. He had seen the signs, he knew exactly why she behaved with him the way she did, always teasing and provoking him. He had seen the desire in her eyes when he had come so close to kiss her in that windmill. If he would have had the slightest hope that he could marry her without fearing his secret might have meant a death sentence also for his wife, should it ever be discovered, the man behind the mask had no doubt that Victoria would have accepted a marriage proposal coming from her best friend. Unfortunately, his fears proved right and the future he had dreamt of having with the woman he loved would never come to pass.

All he hadā€¦all they had, was one last night.

Please stop reading here if you are not of appropriate age.

So, when Victoria did not dare face him again, he drew her in his arms, turning her around and leaned down to kissed her with all the passion and desperation his heart could carry. As for her, she just let herself get lost in him, as her hands instinctively started unbuttoning his shirt. He thought about stopping her for a few moments, but he lacked the power to do so. He reasoned to himself that, if he was to stand any chance of enduring what was to come, he needed the memory of at least one night spent with the woman he so loved. Thus, instead of stopping her, he untied her robe which slipped to the floor and helped Victoria out of the nightshirt she was wearing, leaving her in just a pair of white undergarments.

Taking off his gloves and his unbuttoned shirt while he was still kissing her, he cupped her breasts, as she softly moaned at feeling his touch, her entire body trembling. He slowly kneeled before her, his mouth tracing kisses down her almost naked body, lingering on her breasts and on her navel, as Victoria closed her tear-soaked eyes and let out a moan of pleasure which her lover took as an invitation to continue.

She felt him lowering her undergarments and leaned on his shoulders as he took them off of her, one leg at a time, and she continued leaning on him as she felt his tongue slowly making its way between her legs, his hands on her waist, pulling her closer. A shiver went through her, and she realized that her entire body was awakening with feelings and sensations she had never known before.

Amongst moans of pleasure, she begged him not to stop, closing her eyes and letting her head fall back as breathing became harder and harder. He went on, eager to give her the pleasure he had for so long denied her, certain he'd have plenty of opportunities to make up to her after their marriage. He would have continued, had she not reached to untie his mask, her gesture determining him to suddenly stop.

The young woman was hoping that his decision to make her his meant she would finally see his face and had not expected for him to prevent her from doing so. Shackling her hands in his, Zorro got up and, without a word uttered between them, he went to the window to close it and hide it behind the heavy curtains, then headed for her nightstand and put off the single candle lightening up the room.

"Noā€¦" Victoria tried to stop him but hadn't realized in time what he was doing. "It'sā€¦it was for himā€¦"

He smiled sadly, in the darkness, at the idea that he had just extinguished the candle Victoria had lightened in memory of her friend Diego, the same man who was alive, hiding under a mask, about to selfishly make love to her for the first and, quite certainly, the last time. When he returned to her, he took her hands and placed them on the knot tying up his mask, allowing her to untie it and let it slip to the floor.

She could not see him, but she was still happy to run her fingers through his hair, trying to commit to memory the shape of his face, of his eyes, his high forehead, the feeling of his hair tickling her skin. For several minutes, he just stood there, allowing her hands to roam his face. When she stopped touching him, just standing before him, feeling his presence, rather than seeing him, he took off his boots, then unbuckled his belt and trousers, letting them slip to the floor together with his underwear and shoving them away to remain as naked as she was.

Drawing her toward him to kiss her again, his warm skin caressing hers, Victoria startled at feeling the physical manifestation of his desire for her pressing against her belly, and she couldn't stop a feeling of panic when it did so. He sensed it and did his best to reassure her, giving her time as he traced soft kisses to her collarbone.

With strong hands cupping her buttocks, he lifted his lover up to saddle him at his waist as his mouth focused on her breasts, alternating between kissing them and gently nibbling on her nipples. As he lay her on the bed, Victoria closed her eyes and, for a few moments, imagined it was Diego's tall body pressed against hers, his manhood slowly making its way inside of her, for the two of them to become one, lost in each other and in the rhythm of their passion.

She also felt ashamed of what she was doing, fantasizing that a man who was already dead, forever lost to her, was her lover, while the living man she adored was right there, in her arms, whispering words of love in her ear, awakening muscles she didn't know she possessed and sensations which were bringing her on the edge of reason. Her brain, though, was slowly losing the ability to formulate a coherent thought. Her body, unwilling to stop twitching, her throat unable to stop letting out those moans that just echoed his own groans, seemed to drive him to accelerate the rhythm of his thrusts. That, in turn, made her lose all sense of reality, shake and convulse like her entire body was somehow on the brink of setting up an internal explosion and, as she climaxed, a strange feeling of release flooded her, leaving her entire body tickling.

As the waves of pleasure washed over her, it took Victoria almost a full minute to realize that he had stopped, his manhood still inside her, his body collapsed on top of hers.

You may begin reading again.

When he regained his senses and caught his breath, he lifted himself on his elbows and slowly moved to lie on his back, next to his beloved.

They were both still breathing heavily and leaving paradise to return to that dark room and even grimmer reality, seemed like the most painful thing they could do.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked, hoping she would say no.

"It only hurt a little." Victoria tried to assure him, although he sensed that she was lying. It had hurt her more than a little, despite him being patient and making sure to penetrate her gently, when she was prepared for him, allowing her to slowly get accustomed to the feeling of having him inside her. She had enjoyed their lovemaking, though, despite the pain - which, for some reason having to do with all the guilt she was feeling thinking of Diego, Victoria was happy to embrace as rightfully deserved. "Did youā€¦did it feel the same for you as it felt for me?"

"How did it feel?"

"I don't knowā€¦ I am not sure I can describe itā€¦ I didn't know it would be like thatā€¦"

"I didn't dare hope it would feel so right, certainly not considering that what we didā€¦what I did, was wrong. We should have done this on our wedding night, notā€¦"

"Don't!" she asked him. "Please don't blame yourself for making love to me! I wanted it, as well. I neededā€¦ I needed it. I didn't even know how much, especially todayā€¦" Victoria uttered, her tears restarting, gushing down her cheeks as soon as the words she wanted to say got stuck in her throat. Surely it would have been wrong to tell the man she belonged to that it was another she had thought about while making love to him.

Was it also wrong that she had done it when that man was now gone, a spirit able to see into her soul, to hear her thoughts? What would Diego think of her right at that moment, she wondered. Would he be disappointed? Disgusted? Upset with her? Enraged? Perhaps just thinking of him could somehow conjure his spirit in her bedroom. Perhaps she had conjured him, and he was there, just looking at her in bed with Zorro, a man whose face she hadn't even seen yet, but to whom she had given herself fully, asking for nothing in return.

Would he be sad that she never offered herself to him, the one man she knew like the back of her hand, and gave herself, instead, to a man whose mere name she ignored? She had done it in grief and desperation, she had done it because she was blaming herself and because she felt Zorro's own sadness. But would Diego justify her actions the same way, or would he scold her? Would he admonish her more for doing what she did, for not regretting her actions, for giving herself to a stranger, or for never saying a word about how she truly felt about him?

Victoria wasn't sure. All she was certain about was that she needed to cry. So she buried her head in Zorro's chest, her tears washing away his sweat as they fell. All her lover could do was hold her in his arm and caress her hair, allowing his own silent tears to fall at realizing he needed to leave her soon and be out of her life forever.

Diego briefly thought about telling her the truth, knowing fully well that she would soon mourn two men, instead of just one. He rapidly changed his mind, though, at realizing the damage such a decision might inflict on her. It was enough that he had pained Felipe with that knowledge. His father was already heartbroken, but, at least, as far as the old don knew, his son had had a quick and painless death. A bullet through the heart is certainly better than the fate Diego knew awaited him. Don Alejandro had already buried him and Felipe was there to replace the son he no longer had. It was the merciful thing to do for the old man who had raised him. He needn't know that his only remaining son was an outlaw, nor what was to happen to him.

Lying there in his arms, crying, Victoria's lips soon started wandering on his chest, drawn to his. Tracing kisses up his neck, towards his soft lips, her tongue probed his mouth as his body was slowly preparing itself to, once more, rejoin hers in the ancestral ritual of love.