I was away on an amazing trip! I just came back ready and with the inspiration that I had been missing to finish this story! One step closer!

A/N: Thank you for EACH review! Loved each word! and thank you for all the follows and favorites!

Arthur looked at the wooden doors for a long time after Merlin was gone. He pondered over the idea of calling after him but his actions betrayed his thoughts as he sat heavily on the nearby chair and sighed. He found himself he did not care anymore. He just did not have the energy. Merlin had always been emotional and Arthur admired that from his friend, he had seen Merlin cry more times that he had seen any of his knights do and he didn't think any less of him then and he didn't think less of him now, after all it was comprehensive Merlin was emotional with so many secrets inside of him.

Arthur came to the conclusion that right now he probably needed time, they all have had a stressful day, however, he was aware that the reason Merlin was hurting was because of what he had said—which didn't make things better but then again why was Merlin so hurt Arthur couldn't understand, he was the one about to lose a Kingdom, the one about to lose a Father, the one who had all the pressure on him and right now Arthur thought he had the right to be selfish.

It took him a whole hour to calm himself and regain his thoughts again, for a moment he dozed off where he sat and deciding he would do not good acting like a dead-alive he went to have some well-deserved rest.

It never came.

He closed his eyes and turned on the bed, he even hummed a song but nothing worked, he felt exhausted but for the life of him sleep never came to his rescue. He contented himself with looking at the ceiling; it calmed him for two minutes before he gave up completely: The guilt was eating him alive, spreading inside of him in silent waves. Just remembering the look on Merlin face…

He rolled his eyes at the ceiling having a mental conversation. He had no idea why he cared so much about the feelings of Merlin at the moment, wasn't he in a worse position right now?

He closed his eyes and grunted, placing the palm of his hands against them. Reactions like these, he thought, are the reason Merlin called him a Prat. The guilt increased till it was painful. Till he could almost feel it inside and around him. Nagging him to no end.

Yes, fine! His life wasn't the best at the moment, however, that didn't mean he had any right to snap at the only person who had always been there for him isn't it? God he felt like a jerk—and Arthur feeling like a jerk was as unusual as having a bossy Merlin.

His mind registered that he would have to apologize to Merlin.

Eventually…

He could almost hear Merlin's voice on his head calling him an 'Ungrateful Prat'

The knock on his door startled him, he composed himself and after a moment he decided to stand up before he called the guard or servant in—he tried to not look disappointed when Gwen stepped inside. He knew it wouldn't be Merlin—Merlin never knocked— but he was happy to see a familiar face.

"Guinevere." Arthur nodded and managed a small smile for her. "Please, come in."

He was startled to see that Gwen was smiling and at peace, and he realized that even if his world was collapsing everyone in Camelot were having a very ordinary day. For a moment, just for a flick of a second, he felt mad about this. How could everyone go around like everything was fine? Everything was not fine and still he had to fake a smile, nod and just behave like his Father hadn't lost his mind. 'A small price to pay for all the things Merlin have to endure through all these years' Gaius voice sounded in his head and he sighed tiredly. That was Merlin. Merlin the loyal idiot. Merlin the Sorcerer who had helped him for four years in silence.

Arthur had just dealt with the same things for barely two weeks and he was already breaking. He fought the impulse to scream in frustration. Hoping to avoid the guilt he felt he focused on Gwen.

Gwen bowed and stayed upright by the side of the door. It didn't matter how much he didn't thought of Gwen as a maid, Gwen was probably the most respectful towards him from all the servants around the castle.

"Well?" He asked good naturedly. "Something that I can help you with today, Guinevere?"

"Sire." She said as a hello and then looked around and even if her smile was on place she furrowed her eyebrows. "I was— actually, I was looking for Merlin. He promised to help me with some things… but I can't find him—I thought he would be here."

Arthur sighed and shook his head, so much to not think about it. "He left… he must be with Gaius at this time of the day."

Gwen looked like she wasn't listening because she closed the door behind her and tilted her head. "Arthur… are you alright?"

"Wha—yes, of course I am, why wouldn't I be?" Arthur said walking to his desk and picking a few papers pretending to read them.

Gwen clasped her hands in front of her and looked worried. "It's just—you seem preoccupied. It's everything alright? The knights? Your Father? Something I can help you with?"

"I have a kingdom to rule and a meeting to take care of in a few minutes, I am preoccupied." Arthur said gently as he placed the papers down and pressed a tired hand over his eyes. "Training later and a meeting with a lord. Too much work but nothing I can't handle."

"Of course, right." Gwen nodded. "Sorry, you are a prince—of course you are busy— I should leave you to it then."

Arthur lowered his hand for a moment. He wanted her to stay, to just stand there and share her light a bit more but Gwen bowed in a signal of goodbye.

"Gwen." Arthur stopped her when she was at the door and she looked back with interest. "Gwen… do you think—" Arthur coughed and pressed his hands on his back. It wouldn't be right.

"Arthur, What is it?"

Arthur shook his head and lowered his eyes to the papers. "You will get mad at me and you are the only left who is actually not mad at me."

"What?"

"I actually have a list." Arthur deadpanned in dread counting on his head. Merlin, probably Gaius—if Merlin told him— Agravaine and Morgana (Did they even count?) He had yelled in the morning to a poor servant girl because he had been stressed… probably his Father… unknowingly.

Gwen chuckled and rolled his eyes. "What is it? I won't get mad. I think im past that point…sire." She added in a hurry.

Arthur looked to his hands before he raised his eyes at Gwen, his eyes casting a silent apology for something he wouldn't dare to ask. He wanted to ask about Tom, about her Father, if she somehow hated him, Arthur, for something he had been unable to help her with but he wondered now if he could have if he had tried enough. He knew how Merlin was involved in the story now and how that was one of the first things that had backfired at him. Merlin had told him that every time he saw Gwen a piece of guilt will never leave him… thinking back now Arthur realized with terror just how many things had actually backfired at Merlin.

Things he didn't know.

"We all have our demons, we must face them at our time. Just remember you got me."

Looking at Gwen now he didn't ask. He just couldn't. He was afraid of the answer.

"I need to prepare for my meeting." He dismissed her as he searched for the damned paper of the meetings later. "You can probably find the idiot lazing around with Lancelot or Gwaine. Tell him he will have a day off if he helps you with whatever you need him for."

When he didn't hear her leave he curiously looked up to see Gwen giving him her best smile.

"Arthur, everything will be alright even if it's not alright right now. Remember that." Gwen said and Arthur wondered how much sadness and guilty and just crestfallen he looked for Gwen to pick that up so quickly. "Just be sure that you can put my name on the right side of that list, under the title of 'not angry, quite proud'"

Arthur nodded and managed to smile a little when Gwen blushed looking to her feet and mumbled something about leaving and 'of course you don't have to, but you can… if you want—not just me, me—everyone is proud of you… I think.'

"Guinevere?" He called after her one last time to save her from the awkwardness. "I'll keep that in mind. Thank you."

Gwen nodded one last time before she laughed. "Please do, otherwise I will have to keep fighting for the first place with Merlin."

His smile faltered as she closed the door behind her and the peace he had gotten died once she was out of sight.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Arthur closed his eyes and breathed in and out several times before he shook his head with decision. No, right not was not the time to think over this matters. He opened his eyes and sat on his desk dutifully. He had things to do, papers to sign, meetings to attend. He was a prince. The Prince of Camelot.

He managed to 'work' for exactly five minutes before he gave up tossing the papers to a side with a frustrated huff. The chair in front of him was not always occupied but it looked eerily empty. It would usually be the place that Merlin should be seating on, teaching him about magic and talking about what they could do to heal Uther or just eating or joking with him. The red velvet chair looked almost offended.

"How many demons do you have, Merlin?" Arthur said to one. Since that thought had arrived it was impossible to shake off. Just how many things he did not know about Merlin?

He looked around to the wooded cabinet by his right.

His papers were all aligned in order of importance even when he left them disarranged yesterday. His quills were clean and the ink on his bottles were filled to the top even when he knew he had left them almost empty the day before. Tiredly he looked to the left where a candle on his desk was merrily shining to his own amusement. It was the only candle that Merlin didn't need to change every few days.

Merlin had been trying a spell a few days ago in the room while Arthur had been busy on some papers—back when life was easier and he had a Father figure— and the sorcerer had finally come to find a spell that he could practice on as he waited for Arthur to be done. The spell was called the 'Light of death' and Arthur had laughed, such a dreadful name for such a beautiful thing: A light that would be lit forever.

Angrily and with a nagging feeling that he should be somewhere else he stood up and paced around the room but that didn't help his nerves. In one last attempt to calm himself he went to the balcony to breath some fresh air— instead of just taking the first thing at hand and smash it against the wall—when he stepped into the balcony he noticed that something was wrong about it….

For a few minutes he couldn't quite place it before it clicked.

The blue tinted glass of his room—the one he had shattered yesterday to catch Merlin's attention— It was fixed. He closed his eyes in annoyance and guilt and looked up to a God that was probably sending him too many signals. He raised his hands in defeat.

"Alright. Fine!"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Arthur first stop was Gaius's chambers but Gaius assured him he had not seen Merlin since the meeting, he went to the armory, asked around and went as far as to search for Merlin on the tower he had showed him the night before but when he found no traced of him he had to accept that Merlin was somewhere he wouldn't be able to reach him. For all he knew he was using a spell to make himself invisible— he didn't know if it existed but he wouldn't put it past Merlin.

That left him to wait and Arthur realized impatiently that he was just not good at it.

He stood in the window of the tower for a whole minute and he watched as the knights made their way across the courtyard to the training fields.

He sighed and placed his hands flat against the cold stone. He had tried isn't it? So he went and did the one thing that could help right now.

Arthur was merciless and brutal that special day at training and the few knights who dared to ask about why had left the match limping or with a bruised arm cradled against their chest.

Gwaine didn't even know what hit him. He went as far as to ask for Merlin where abouts.

"What, you pissed him off again?" Gwaine joked as he avoided a blow to his chest. Arthur by response just jammed his sword harder into the shield of the knight while Gwaine had to duck if he didn't want to lose his head.

When had all his knights grown so loyal towards Merlin? Arthur wondered as he disarmed Gwaine in a nanosecond. Gwaine raised his brows as his sword flew out of reach and he raised his hands in amused defeat. Arthur called for a new young knight to take Gwaine's place before he lost it again. The movement, concentration and effort helped immensely, however, if his knights kept asking if he was alright he was going to cancel tavern nights.

Training ended too quickly from his point of view and Arthur watched silently as his knights retired. Once he was alone he picked up a discarded sword and kept training, placing every dark piece of thought and every bit of his anger and guilt into each blow, feeling himself getting calmer and calmer as he battled with an invisible enemy, soon an hour passed and with one last blow and a yell he embedded the sword in the wooden dummy and let it hang there. He was tired mentally and physically, just too tired of everything. He tilted his head back and stared at the sky. The blood pumping in his ears and the sweat cool on his skin.

"If you keep this training up you won't have knights left to train, Sire." Someone said behind him and after one last tired glare to the clouds he turned. Lancelot was a few steps away with his arms crossed and an amused smile on his lips.

"Lancelot, Wh—what is it?" Arthur said pushing his hair out of his face breathing heavily trying to catch his breath.

"Sir Leon was looking for you." Lancelot said. "Something about you having a meeting with a lord?"

Arthur cursed and closed his eyes. He had forgotten about that. "Where—is he? I would meet him at once."

Lancelot shook his head. "Sir Leon sent me to notify you that they are on one of the council chambers of the east wing. He said that if you wanted he could take care of the meeting, it's about taxes."

"Are they ever about anything else?" Arthur said with his eyes firmly closed before he nodded and placed his hands on his waist trying to get some air. "I will join him. In a minute."

"Want some advice?" Lancelot said as he took the sword from the dummy and walked to the side where the rest of the swords where stacked. Arthur made a movement with his hand for Lancelot to continue and just then opened his eyes. "Let Sir Leon handle this issue for now."

Arthur didn't even need to be told twice, he just nodded and finally without energy collapsed against the wall of the training ground feeling drained. He placed one hand on a propped knee. After a moment Lancelot sat beside him mirroring his posture. They were silent till Arthur's breath was even once again, the only sound that could be heard as they watched as the sun began to disappear on the horizon. The sky turning a beautiful kind of pink and gray and blue with scattered grey clouds.

"Arthur." Lancelot finally interrupted the silence and Arthur grunted as a response. "Are you alright? The new knights were almost hiding the armory, no one wanted to face you."

"Serves them well."

Silence for a few moments and Arthur rolled his eyes when Lancelot tried again.

"In any case Gwen had been looking for Merlin, have you seen him around?"

"She told me earlier," Arthur sighed and closed his eyes firmly, resting the back of his head against the wall behind him. "But I have no idea where the idiot is hiding, he is probably scared from all the chores I will put him through when I find him."

"Did he do something wrong?" Lancelot asked and Arthur couldn't quite place the tone on Lancelot's voice but he didn't like it.

"No, no he didn't." Arthur said quietly before he crossed his arms. "In any case, did you see how sloppy the first kid was—Evans was it? He said he had trained before but he kept messing with his steps every two seconds. Do you think he lied or he is just bad?"

"I don't think he lied I just think he had a very bad teacher" Lancelot said. "Even Merlin could have taken him down. Talking about Merlin... I didn't see him all day. He promised to meet me to go to the tavern today, Gwaine already left with Percival. Do you think he would be running an errand for Gaius?"

Arthur opened his eyes and gave up on even trying to pretend this wasn't heading where he knew it was heading. "I'll go and look for Sir Leon, I should deal with the meeting instead of him."

Arthur stood up but before he could take one step Lancelot sighed tiredly—finally he said what Arthur needed to hear.

"I know where he is."

Arthur stopped on his tracks and turned his head slightly. He waited a second before he asked. "And you are going to tell me…when?"

"Once you tell me what happened"

Arthur was quiet and after a moment he began walking to the castle. He couldn't risk telling Lancelot any of it. About his father, about Merlin's magic, even if he lost a bit of respect out of Lancelot it was worth it. Merlin would come around eventually, he always did.

He heard soft footfalls and soon Lancelot was by his side blocking his way to walk any further.

"Alright, this had gone too far with the both of you." Lancelot said in a whisper more to himself than to Arthur, he took a resigned breath. "I'll tell you where he is but first hear me out, in any case I don't think Merlin will ever tell you any of it, he's as stubborn as you honestly."

"What could you possibly know about Merlin?" Arthur said tiredly. You don't know him. Not like I do. Arthur wanted to say. "Seriously, the idiot he will come around eventually. He's really mad about nothing, now step out of the way Lancelot, besides it's not my problem to find out where he is. Is it?"

"Not your problem?" Lancelot raised his brows in dark amusement.

Arthur blinked confused at the angered tone that laced with Lancelot's words. He could count with one hand the times he had seen Lancelot angry and he was finding out right now that messing with Merlin had to be one of the main reasons.

"Well Merlin have made sure to make your life his problem. I do know him. I do know that he's a sorcerer" Lancelot said and Arthur inhaled way too quickly into his lungs taking an involuntary step back. "I know that he uses magic and that he had saved your life and mine more times than I can remember. I also know that you almost killed him when he told you—that you considered it for a brief moment. Im also aware that even when Merlin had done nothing to deserve this kind of treatment from you he will think whatever happened today it's his fault. He's probably the most loyal and bravest of your knights." Lancelot said with fury. "I do know about Merlin but do you?"

Lancelot motioned with his head to the armory that they had outdoors where the daggers and swords and shields for practice were put away. Arthur looked rooted where he was standing though, his face showing a million emotions in one moment before it settled on a stoic face the next, his eyes cold and fierce as he eyed Lancelot.

"Now would you hear me out?"

A/N: Thoughts? THIS was the original end for the past Chapter but this itself was just too long. Leave a review if you like! How do you think things will go down with Lancelot and Arthur? We get Merlin back next chap… I think. Bets on where did he go?

Next part you don't have to read it at all but they are some confessions I have about the show. Funny things really.

CONFESSION TIME

SPOILERS FROM ALL 5 SEASONS.

Confession (1) I always, always alwaysss wanted Arthur and Lancelot to talk about Merlin, to be on the same side and share inside jokes. Of course that never happened. With any character. Since Arthur freaking died and Lancelot freaking died and Gwaine freaking died. It frustrated me to no end.

Confession (2) I have to accept that I had never read about Arthurian novels before I got immersed into Merlin, so every episode I was kind of waiting for Arthur to find out (seriously, I NEVER IMAGINED HE WOULD DIE!) Was I the only one surprised? Of course by the middle of the season 5 it looked that there was no escaping though but I honestly didn't know he died on the legends…. Why GOD WHY.

Confession (3) I always expected another female character to appear besides Guinevere, I honestly thought she was going to end up with Lancelot (till *sobs*) and EVEN THEN I never thought she would be the one to marry Arthur (My Father spoiled it for me in season 3 when I started to believe that she will actually be the one and he said 'She's Guinevere? Is she queen yet?, I almost choked)

It's not that I don't like Gwen, she is ADORABLE, both the character and actress but I always thought that it didn't look real. Don't you? It just didn't look like love to my eyes, I couldn't see the chemistry there. Im interested in knowing if I was the only one. Arthur needed a woman to put him on place—Gwen did, I will give her that—but I expected someone fierce, to just yell at Arthur and roll her eyes at him. Idk. Im weird like that.

Anywaysss this is not a Gwen and Arthur centered fic but I love Gwen so It was about time she showed up.

Confession (4) I started reading fics of Merlin before I finished the series but avoided by all means all of those who had spoilers, however when I scrolled for something that did not have spoilers I found LOTS AND LOTS of fics that shipped Merlin and Morgana.

I was terrified . Even in the last chapter in the last minute I thought that Morgana would somehow miraculously turn good. There were just too many stories! I just kept wondering when was Morgana going to redeem herself and every time she did something horrible my mind went (okay, but how Merlin can forgive her for this? What is she going to do, save his life? Save Camelot? Cry for Mercy WHAT?!) I was confused and relieved by the end, honestly, BBC and Fanfiction played with my heart and I didn't even know it.

People—I can't believe you ship Morgana and Merlin. At all. Seriously. EXPLAIN! You made me suffer FIVE SEASONS OF IT. FOR SOMETHING THAT NEVER HAPPENED (THANK'S DUMBLEDORE)

Well, those were my confession. It was the most enjoyable show ever because I didn't know the first thing about the Arthurian novels but I suffered from it too I guess, any confessions you would like to share?